Not mine... just having fun.

Sorry for the lengthy break!

Chapter 12

I woke up in the morning, having cried myself to sleep. Eleven months and 18 days since Ranger left. I was getting worked up that the one year mark was getting closer. I was still tired, but I knew that staying in bed was equivalent to giving in to them so I got myself together and went to get up. I moved and felt the depression in the bed next to me. I looked over to find Mary Lou lying back with her hands at her sides, just staring at the ceiling. How is it this was happening twice in one month?

"What are you doing here?" I asked. Considering I hadn't seen her since before the incident at my parents all those months ago.

"I've missed you." She said. But it didn't sound sincere.

"Who asked you to come here and how did you get in?"

"No one asked me and the guys let me in. We all thought you could use a friend to talk to who wasn't some macho dude in black."

"You're lying Mare and you suck at it." My body had gone stiff and I was fighting back the urge to slap her or worse. I have never hit Mare before. In all the fights we've had over the years, it never got physical. Not even a girly fight. But after what I've been living through and all the time I've spent in the gym, the aggression was fluttering just below the surface. I wonder if Ranger feels like this every time he gets pissed? How many times has he wanted to hit me? No. He never would.

"I just wanted to come and talk to you."

"About what? I've told you and everyone else who wouldn't listen. If you're going to try and convince me that he's dead, don't bother. You're not going to succeed and I'm just going to get really angry again. I don't want to hurt you Mare, but I've learned how to take care of myself with Ranger out of the country."

"He's not out of the country. Shit. You talk about him like he's on some vacation or something. He's gone Steph. He's not coming back and you're just getting worse."

"Worse than what?"

"Will you just take a walk with me please?"

"No. I'm fine where I am. I'm going to take a shower and go to work. I still have a job and people who care about me. They're just all in this building now. I don't want to leave and if you try to force me, it won't be pretty."

"I just think you need a break from everything. You could take it easy and get your head around everything and then decide what you think. They can help you Steph." Her voice caught and I don't think she meant to say that last part.

"You cannot be serious!" My face was heating up and my fists were balled up tight. "As if finding Morelli here wasn't bad enough, now you're trying to get me to seek help?"

"The hospital has a bed all ready for you and they can help you get through this."

"You want me committed? Get the fuck out of here before I hurt you. I swear to God if you don't move your ass I will make sure you can't walk for a week and I'll have men to say it was self defense. Get out and don't come back here. What the hell kind of friend are you?"

"The only kind you've got left."

"Well I don't think I need to worry about that. Gossip crazy burg wife is easy to replace. I'm sure you'll miss the entertainment of watching me fuck up my life, but you'll be sure to replace me fast enough."

I saw the tears start to form in her eyes while she tried to get mad to hide them.

"I am not gossip crazy!"

"You spend your time talking about everyone else. You're just like your mother. No worse, you're just like my mother."

"How dare you!"

"You telling me it's not true?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Mary Lou said. But I saw the red start at her neck. She was embarrassed because she knew I was right.

"Again, you suck at lying Mare. You know how bad it's gotten and you just don't want to think about it. You would rather talk all over town about your former best friend whose gone crazy waiting for some guy she's not even married to. I may be staying here, but I can still find out what's said in the Burg. I've spent months with talk flying about me. I started getting your comments passed back to me first. And now you want to pretend to care? Get out."

I got up and walked into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me. I felt my chest tighten as I heard Mare start to cry in the other room but there were no tears for me. I had already cried about this betrayal and I was done. I waited until I heard her leave to get in the shower. I stood under the hot water until I felt numb again. I was ready to start another day without Ranger here. I wasn't giving up and I just had to keep it together until he could get home.

I froze and thought about that word again. Home. I don't know if this is home, but it's the only thing that I had left. My apartment was long gone. I wasn't speaking to my family or apparently my friends any more. Outside of Rangeman I was homeless and alone. What if Ranger didn't want me living here when he got home? What if he wasn't ready for that? Would he kick me out? No. He might want some space but I could always live on 4. I'm not sure I could survive getting kicked out of the apartment, but I would still have a home here and my new family. Besides, if he didn't want me here, he wouldn't have left it to me.

I pulled myself back together and got dressed. I put Ranger's watch back on my wrist and headed for the elevator. As soon as I stepped off at five Lester looked up from the monitors and was red from ear to ear. This man could make the most inappropriate joke you could think of and keep a straight face. But the minute he felt guilty? He lit up like a stop light.

"Why would you do that Les?" I asked with pain in my voice. I could feel tears trying to break free, but I had lots of practice with saving those for later.

"I'm sorry Beautiful. I thought she was coming to fix things. I thought she would apologize and you'd get a girlfriend back. You must go crazy with all these guys around all the time. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"It's not just you guys. I have Ella who is more of a mother than mine ever was and I don't feel the need to hit the mall any way. Please, don't let anyone upstairs without asking me. Ever." I said.

"You got it Beautiful."

"And spread it around, I'm sick of surprise visitors especially this early in the morning."

That got a smirk out of Les and he started to return to his normal color. "Awe, come on Beautiful. You liked waking up with me in your bed."

"Funny Les." I said as I walked back towards my cubby.