CHAPTER TWELVE
Starsky stood in front of the nursery window, staring at the newborn infant lying in the bassinet marked with the tag 'Infant girl Starsky'. For reasons of his own, he had felt compelled to come to the hospital to see the baby that he had believed was his for most of Jessica's pregnancy. She looked just like him--and Nicky, with a head full of dark curls, an olive toned complexion instead of the ruddy redness of most newborns, and blue eyes so dark they looked almost black in the overhead lights.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Jessica's voice suddenly said from behind his left shoulder.
Starsky turned slowly and stared at his estranged wife without much warmth.
"Yeah, she is." He admitted ruefully, embarrassed at being caught during his impromptu visit to the hospital.
"I named her Nicole Lynn," Jessica said, "I think all firstborns should be named after their father, don't you?"
"So Nicky is the father." Starsky said coldly, her words confirming what he already knew in his heart.
"Yes, David." Jessica surprised him by admitting the truth for a change. "He is."
"Why? Why did you use me like that? Lie to me and make me think that she was mine?" Starsky demanded angrily, keeping his voice low since he was in a hospital.
"Because when Nicky found out, he threw me out. He said the baby could belong to anybody. There was no proof that it was his." Jessica said bitterly.
"That still doesn't explain why you came here and tried to make me that believe she was mine!" Starsky hissed through tightly clenched teeth.
"Because I wanted her to have the Starsky name! Her rightful name! And if Nicky wouldn't give it to her, I figured you would if you thought you were the father." Jessica said sharply. She laughed bitterly. "I even thought that maybe, just maybe, I could get you to fall in love with me but that didn't happen, did it?"
"You don't fall in love with somebody when the whole relationship is built on a pack of lies."
Jessica looked through the window at the peacefully sleeping baby and whispered, "No, I guess not. Nicky still doesn't want her. He wants me to give her up for adoption."
"Is that what you're going to do?"
"I don't know…I can't raise her on my own and it's pretty clear that Nicky isn't you. He'll never take responsibility and be a real father to her…not the way you would have been." Jessica looked at Starsky with a bittersweet smile and tears in her eyes. "You're a good man, David Starsky, and I'm sorry that I hurt you. You can have the divorce. I won't fight you on that. It's time to move on from here." She looked back at her child and whispered, "On my own." Without another word, she turned and slowly walked away from the nursery.
Starsky sighed softly and stole one last look at his niece. It still hurt to know that she wasn't his after all. The last seven months of his life had all been built on a lie. But, he couldn't forget the milestones that he had shared with Jessica during some of her better moods: feeling the baby move for the first time, watching her stomach expand with each passing month, believing that the life she was carrying was one that he had helped to create and planning for the baby's impending birth. Milestones that he never expected to experience again. Swallowing back the lump in his throat, he turned and slowly walked away.
He was startled to find Hutch waiting for him in the lobby. Spotting his partner, the blond stretched his long legs and stood up, walking over to his friend. "I kinda figured I might find you here when you didn't answer the radio. Did you see the baby?"
"Yeah…she looks just like Nicky…" he said with a snort, "Me too for that matter. I talked to Jessica."
"How did that go?"
"Okay. She said she won't fight me on the divorce. She knows she can't win with all the evidence against her."
"Did she tell you why she did it?"
"Yeah, she wanted the baby to have the Starsky name. Nicky wasn't about to give it to her, so she figured I would if I thought she was mine."
"It's a girl?" Hutch said noticing for the first time that Starsky had referred to the baby by its sex.
"Yeah. Her name is Nicole Lynn. Jessica said that Nicky still doesn't want anything to do with her. He wants her to give her up for adoption."
"Is that what she's going to do?"
"She hasn't decided yet but I wouldn't be surprised if she does. I think she's just now starting to realize how much responsibility a baby would be."
"I'm sorry, buddy. I wish she could have been yours." Hutch said, as the two men left the building side by side.
"Me too." Starsky admitted with a tiny smile. "That's probably the closest I'll ever get to being a father."
"You don't know that. It could still happen."
"I don't think so, Hutch. I think I lost my chance at ever having the kids and the little white house with the picket fence when Terry died. I'll never get that close again."
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I have to call Ma and tell her the truth. At least Nicole is still her granddaughter."
"From what I've seen, your mother is a strong lady. She'll be able to handle it." Hutch said, fondly remembering his own encounters with the feisty matriarch of the Starsky clan.
"Yeah," Starsky agreed with a smile. "She is…but she still needs to hear the whole story from me."
"Let's grab something to eat. You can call your mother later." Hutch suggested, hoping to lift Starsky's spirits with the promise of food.
The rest of their day was filled with mundane tasks. Since they were both still on desk duty that included filing charts, reviewing reports from other detectives and typing them, taking statements from witnesses or victims, and taking routine calls to the squad room. When they signed off for the day, Starsky declined Hutch's suggestion that they stop by The Pits on their way home. Tonight, he really felt the need to have some time alone with his thoughts. Dropping Hutch off at his apartment, Starsky headed for home.
He checked his mail as he pulled it from the box. Mostly bills and a letter from his mother. It could all wait till later. Letting himself into his empty apartment, he turned on the TV for some comforting background noise as he went into the bathroom to take a shower. After a solitary meal, he fell asleep watching TV.
The next morning, he woke up with a crick in his neck and a nagging headache. Three aspirins did little to ease the insistent pain that seemed to be centered in the back of his skull. The residual pain made him irritable and cranky most of the day. By the time he got home that evening, the dull ache had grown into a full blown migraine. Gulping down some of his prescription medication, he walked into the bedroom and pulled the blinds to darken the room. Then he laid down on the bed and waited for the pills to take effect. He was almost asleep when the ringing of the telephone on the nightstand disturbed his rest and made his head explode with renewed agony.
"Yeah?" He answered the phone with a menacing growl.
"Is this David Starsky?" An unfamiliar feminine voice said in his ear.
"Yeah, who is this?" He demanded, desperate to end the call as soon as possible so he could unplug the phone until he got rid of his headache.
"This is Marcy Taylor. I'm the social worker at Good Samaritan Hospital. I'm calling because you need to come in tomorrow and sign the papers to release the baby for adoption."
"What?" Starsky asked in a confused voice, more alert now and still confused. The woman's words made no sense. "What papers?"
"The adoption papers so we can release your daughter for adoption. Your wife signed them before she checked out this afternoon and said that you'd be in tomorrow to sign them. I just need to know what time I can expect you."
"I…uh…" Starsky stammered, not sure what to say. He assumed that Jessica must have put his name on the baby's birth certificate as the father instead of Nicky. This was a complication he wasn't able to deal with rationally right now. Not without some sleep.
"Mr. Starsky," the woman from the hospital continued,"Without your signature too, forfeiting your paternal rights to the child, we can't release her for adoption. So, unless you claim your daughter or sign the papers within the next twenty-four hours, we'll have no choice but to declare her an abandoned child and turn her over to the proper authorities."
"I need to call my lawyer." Starsky said, "Then I'll get back to you."
"Are you saying that you're having second thoughts about giving up the baby?" The social worker demanded.
"Look, lady…I'll call you tomorrow. Okay?" Starsky said rudely, anxious to get her off the line. He hung up, then immediately picked it up again and called Hutch. When the blond answered the phone, he blurted out, "Hutch, I got a big problem. Can you come over right away?"
"I'm on my way." Hutch said without a second thought. If Starsky needed him, he would be there.
Hanging up again, Starsky forced himself out of bed, trying desperately to ignore the insistent pounding in his head. He walked into the living room and turned the lights on dim. Hutch arrived within twenty minutes, letting himself in with his key. One look at his partner's ashen face and he said, "You've got a migraine, don't you?"
"Yeah…but that's not why I called you." Starsky said, speaking softly in deference to the pain in his head. "I got a call from some social worker at the hospital. Jessica checked out this afternoon and she signed the adoption papers before she left."
"So? what's the problem?"
"I'm supposed to sign them too. She must have listed me as the father on the birth certificate instead of Nicky."
"What are you gonna do? Even if you sign the papers, it wouldn't be legal. You're not the biological father."
"According to the birth certificate I am if Jessica put down my name." Starsky said. "I'm going to call my lawyer in the morning to see what he thinks I should do." He looked at his partner and said, "Hutch, I could keep her and nobody would know the difference. Nobody knows the truth but you, me, Nicky and Jessica."
"And your attorney." Hutch pointed out somberly.
"He doesn't know everything…not about Nicky anyway. I didn't have time to call him about that yet."
"Starsky, think about what you're suggesting." Hutch argued gently. "If Nicky ever found out what you did…and I have no doubt that he would eventually…he'd be sure to find a way to use it against you. Are you willing to take that kind of risk?"
"I don't know." Starsky admitted. "I just keep thinking that that baby didn't ask to be born and she hasn't got anybody who cares about her now but me."
"Right now, I think you need to get some sleep. We can talk about this more in the morning. You're not exactly thinking straight right now. Did you take your medicine?"
Starsky nodded, swaying slightly, as Hutch carefully helped him to his feet and back into the bedroom. After making sure that the brunet was comfortable and on the verge of dozing off, Hutch unplugged the bedroom phone and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
The big blond sat down on the sofa, lost in thought. Whatever Starsky decided, Hutch would stand beside him and give him all the emotional support he needed. He just hoped the brunet made the right decision, not only for himself, but for everyone else involved.
