The final countdown has begun. Only three origins (including this one) remain before this story comes to an end. I hope you enjoy it, and thank you for sticking with me as long as you all have.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
…
"Long, long ago, on a distant planet…" Jet began. And went no further.
A few minutes passed. Everyone fidgeted and looked at each other awkwardly as an increasingly irritated and impatient look started to form on Jet's face. "What about a distant planet?" Sonic asked finally.
"Is this going to be a ripoff of Star Wars? Because so far it sounds like it's going to be a ripoff of Star Wars from the first line," Vector complained.
"It's not a ripoff of Star Wars!" Jet snapped. "Ahem. Long, long ago, on a distant planet…"
Again, he went no further. Storm blinked. "Um, boss, did you forget how the story goes-"
"I know how the story goes, Storm!" Jet snapped. "You, future guy, what's the deal?"
"Huh?" Silver asked in confusion.
"When somebody starts a story, you're supposed to use that high-tech doohickey of yours to make everyone see how it went! Why aren't you doing that?!" Jet demanded.
Silver crossed his arms and glared at Jet. "Like I told you before, I'm NOT recording this story! As such, I see no need to project it to anyone. If you want to tell the story, you're going to do it the old-fashioned way."
"But then how is everyone going to see how awesome our ancestors were?" Jet complained.
"We could use our imaginations," Cream suggested.
"But that's so boring!" Jet whined. Cream whimpered at that, and Shadow shot the hawk a blood-curdling glare, causing him to flinch back in fright.
"Tough," Silver said uncaringly.
Jet sighed. "Oh, fine. Long, long ago, on a distant planet called Djinn–5, there lived a race of powerful beings called the djinn. They were highly advanced both technologically and magically, and every one of them possessed the incredible ability to grant wishes. Naturally, they hated this power and wished they didn't have it, because it caused them nothing but trouble."
"Why?" Asked a confused Amy. "That sounds like a pretty nifty power. Being able to make anything you wish come to pass…" She glanced significantly at Sonic, who gulped and hid behind Blaze, who shot a fiery (not literally, thankfully) glare at the pink hedgehog.
"Yeah, it'd mean you never ran out of cash for the rent," Vector agreed.
"Well, until the endless influx of cash on the market crashes the economy," Espio pointed out.
"Oh, right," the crocodile grunted.
"The djinn would disagree with this notion, because while they could grant wishes, they could only grant other people's, never their own," Wave explained.
"And by other people, we mean anyone who ISN'T a djinn," Storm elaborated.
"… That seems like a pretty shitty limitation," Charmy complained.
"Magic's funny that way sometimes," Rouge explained.
"So, I'm guessing that because of this ability, people were always trying to invade their planet to capture them and force them to grant their wishes?" Shadow guessed.
"Pretty much, yeah," Wave admitted.
Jet frowned, unhappy that Shadow had gotten to that point before him. "For millennia, every two-bit despot or wannabe conqueror tried to attack Djinn–5 to get their wishes granted. Eventually, the djinn grew sick of it, and decided it was time to leave. Loading their entire population into the biggest cities on the planet, they used powerful magic and gravity drives to transform the metropolises into colony ships, launching into space and blowing up their planet behind them to trick the rest of the galaxy into thinking they'd all been wiped out."
"They had to destroy their own home just to escape? How awful…" Cream whispered.
Shadow grimaced. "Nobody should have to destroy their home to try and find some measure of peace…"
"They split up into different directions, scattering across the cosmos and intentionally cutting off all contact from each other so that if one of their ships got caught, the others might still have a chance of survival," Wave continued.
"Couldn't whoever caught them force them to grant a wish so they would know where the rest of the djinn went?" Espio inquired.
"All the ships were rigged to explode at a second's notice. None of them were willing to let ANYONE abuse their powers ever again, even if it meant killing themselves," Storm said seriously.
"… Freedom or death. Yeah, I can respect that," Sonic said grimly.
"I would certainly rather die than go back to that cage again…" Blaze murmured. Sonic quickly put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
"One of the ships, the Astral Babylon, eventually entered our solar system," Jet continued. "They didn't intend to stay, since they were hoping to find a habitable world that wasn't already occupied, but unfortunately, the warp drive broke down, and to prevent it from turning into a black hole which would destroy the solar system, they were forced to jettison the power units – – the Arks of the Cosmos – – and have an emergency crash landing on this planet."
"The ship's captain died in the crash, so a new and charismatic leader took his place, and he decided that since it was only a matter of time before the denizens of this new world found about their wish-granting powers and tried to abuse them as so many had before them, they would need to take aggressive preemptive measures to keep that from coming to pass," Wave picked up from her leader.
"The leader declared that, since all their lives they had been denied the ability to grant their own wishes, from this point forward they would take everything they wanted from those who had always abused them to get what they wanted. Under his leadership, the Astral Babylon was rebuilt as the flying fortress of Babylon Garden using the power of the seven Chaos Emeralds, its crew renaming themselves the Babylonians and flying around the world, pillaging and plundering to their heart's content, using their prototype Extreme Gears to launch swift and daring raids and escape back to their home base before any meaningful resistance could be raised against them," Storm said, a gleam of pride in his ancestors in his eye.
"The group that would become the Babylon Rogues was one of the many raiding parties frequently sent out," Jet said proudly. "They were among the most successful, naturally, and one of their leaders even invented the Extreme Gear! Heck, they're even the ones who retrieved all seven Chaos Emeralds in the first place to transform the ship's wreck into a mobile base!"
"As terrible as that is, I can't help but admire their daring," Rouge commented. "Call it recognition from one professional to another."
"Was that really necessary, though?" Cream asked unhappily. "I understand they must've had a lot of bad dealings with those who weren't djinn in the past, but… Couldn't they have tried to become friends instead?"
"The leader of the Babylonians didn't think so," Wave said. "And the rest of the djinn followed his lead."
"Just who was this guy, anyway?" Knuckles wondered.
"Only the strongest and most fearsome djinn of all time," Jet said admiringly. "…The great Erazor!"
Sonic did a double take at that. "Wait wait wait wait. ERAZOR led the Babylon Rogues?!"
"That's what I just said," said a confused Jet.
"Are we talking about the same Erazor here? Big purple guy, doesn't wear a shirt, weird red hairstyle, carries a giant oversized razor as a weapon, kinda looks like a bad Ganondorf cosplayer?" Sonic pressed.
Jet stared at Sonic, alarmed. "… Yes, that's him exactly. How did you…?"
"Because I kicked that guy's ass years ago!" Sonic exclaimed.
"Say what?!" Storm demanded.
Jet snorted. "Please, as if. There's no way you could have possibly defeated Erazor! Aside from him being way too powerful for a dumb rodent like you to ever be, he was imprisoned in a magic lamp by King Solomon ages ago and-"
"Forced to grant the wishes of 1000 people to secure his release, including Aladdin?" Sonic finished.
Jet stared at Sonic in disbelief. "That's… Yes… That's… That's absolutely right. But how… How could you possibly know that?!"
"I just told you, I fought the guy a while back!" Sonic repeated. "A few years ago, I was home sick with a cold when this pretty magical girl – – not as pretty or magical as you, of course, Blaze-"
"You flatter me, beloved," Blaze said in amusement. Amy scowled.
"Popped out of a copy of Arabian Nights I had lying around and introduced herself as Shahra, genie of the ring-" Sonic continued.
"Shahra?! Erazor's consort?!" Wave demanded in disbelief.
"Yep, though I didn't learn the latter part until much, much later," Sonic confirmed.
"What's a consort?" Cream asked.
"In most instances, it's the spouse of a ruling monarch," Tails explained.
"Oh, so that's what Sonic will be when he marries Blaze?" The rabbit realized.
Sonic stammered and blushed as Blaze chuckled in amusement. "S-something like that, yeah."
"I thought he was going to be King," said a confused Knuckles.
"A King can still technically be a consort," Tails explained. "Since Blaze is already reigning monarch of her own dominion, if Sonic marries her he'll be King consort, since he's technically marrying into a Royal family. The level of equality he'll have to Blaze depends on how much power she's willing to share with him."
"Something we can discuss at a later date, beloved," Blaze assured Sonic, who had turned even redder. So had Amy, though from a much different emotion.
"Anyone who marries me will be consort and nothing more," Rouge declared. "I'm not sharing an ounce of my power unless I have to."
"That's kind of selfish," Vector complained.
Rouge shrugged. "I'm a selfish person."
"Are you okay with that, Knux? Assuming the two of you ever do tie the knot?" Charmy asked the echidna.
Knuckles shrugged as Shadow growled. "Yeah, I'm cool with it. I doubt I could handle that sort of responsibility anyway."
"Considering how poorly you handle your actual responsibility, that's hardly surprising," Espio said dryly.
"Hey!"
"Everyone shut up!" Jet shouted. "Sonic, what the hell was Erazor's consort doing in your house?! Not that I believe you actually met her, of course," he said quickly and not very convincingly.
"She said that Erazor was trying to carve up the world of the Arabian Nights and destroy its stories so that he could break free into the real world, and that only the legendary blue hedgehog – – yours truly – – could stop him," Sonic recalled. "Sort of typical, really. You would not believe how many times I'm just chilling at home when some babe from another reality pops up and tells me that I am the only one capable of saving their realm."
"Even I popped in like that a few times," Blaze admitted, looking embarrassed.
"What? That doesn't sound like Aladdin's genie at all! I thought he was blue and jolly, not purple and mean!" Cream protested.
"That's the Disney version of the genie, Cream. The real things are almost always much nastier," Shadow told her apologetically.
"Oh…" Cream murmured, looking disappointed as another piece of her childhood beliefs was crushed before her.
"Th-then does that mean the real Jafar was even WORSE than the Disney version?!" Charmy asked, trembling in fear.
"Charmy, for the last time, Jafar wasn't a real person!" Vector said in exasperation.
"But if Aladdin's genie was a real person, that means Aladdin was real, which also means that Jafar must've been real as well!" Charmy pointed out.
The crocodile hesitated. "… That's almost a good point."
"Well, if there ever WAS a real Jafar, he's probably long dead by now," Amy told the bee reassuringly.
"Oh, good point… Unless he comes back as a zombie!" Charmy cried in horror. Everyone groaned.
"Hey, everyone stop yammering about some stupid kid's movie for a minute! Sonic, why the hell would Shahra choose some loser like you over one of her own people?!" Jet demanded.
Sonic frowned at Jet. "Ignoring that incredibly offensive statement towards one of the greatest animated movies (and inevitable Broadway musicals) of all time…Because the book she was living in was in my house and not yours?"
"A likely story," Jet said skeptically.
"Wait, how did you even get that book in the first place?" Storm questioned.
"And for that matter, what were she and Erazor doing in there to begin with?" Espio wondered.
"The book? Amy gave it to me for a birthday present. As to what they were doing there… I dunno, I just assumed they were part of the story world or something and didn't put much thought into it. I didn't even realize they had a past or existence in our reality until just now," Sonic said with a shrug.
"Amy, where did you get that book from?" Blaze asked sharply.
Amy laughed nervously. "Well, uh, I was looking for a present to give to Sonic for his first birthday, and while I'd initially planned on getting him some new shoes, I happened to pass by this charming antique bookshop and thought to myself, 'Amy, wouldn't it be nice if Sonic were a little more well-read?' So I went in and bought the book because the proprietor suggested it to me."
"That's oddly convenient," Mighty commented suspiciously.
"Yeah, it's pretty weird. What kind of bookstore would be carrying a book like that?" Charmy wondered.
"… Amy, by any chance, did this antique bookstore happen to be located in a place where you didn't remember there ever being an antique bookstore before?" Rouge asked slowly.
Amy blinked in surprise. "Yeah, how did you know?"
"And when you went back later, was there no trace of it ever being there?" Rouge continued, ignoring her question.
Amy fidgeted. "Well… Yeah, which was pretty weird, but I figured it might have just closed shop or maybe I misremembered where it had been." She scratched her head in thought. "Funny thing is, I wound up finding it again later for ANOTHER present for Sonic for Christmas, and I bought him that book on the legends of King Arthur which he claimed he got sucked into and went on a wild adventure which wound up with him somehow being named King of Camelot, which I was pretty certain at the time was just an excuse for to skip on a date, something I am now having second thoughts about."
"And when you found the store again, was it in a completely DIFFERENT location from where it was the first time?" Rouge interrogated.
"Um… Yes, how did you know?" Amy asked uneasily.
Just about everyone else groaned. "Amy, have you never heard of the 'Little Shop That Wasn't There Yesterday' phenomenon?" Rouge asked in exasperation.
"The what now?" Amy asked.
"It's a common literary device in fantasy and horror stories. One day, what was a vacant lot is suddenly a mysterious and rather creepy looking store, and if you go inside you find a quirky shopkeeper with all sorts of potentially magical – – and potentially inconvenient – – items for sale, only once you buy them, you find that they aren't exactly what you expected, and if you go back to try and return them… It's like the store was never there to begin with," Tails said ominously.
"They're usually right across the street," Blaze commented. "Saves the shopkeeper energy, especially since most consumers are too lazy and unobservant to look too hard for it. And even if they DID find it, there's almost always a 'no returns' policy."
"It sounds like you're speaking from experience," Espio commented.
Blaze nodded. "We have several in my capital city. However, they're all heavily regulated to try and keep TOO much mischief from happening. Still, if someone buys an obviously cursed artifact despite numerous warnings not to, whatever happens next is on them."
"Oh! That explains why I could never find that TV store again," Knuckles spoke up in realization.
Everyone gave him confused looks. "TV store?" Sonic asked, perplexed.
Knuckles nodded. "Yeah, a while back I found a TV store on my island that definitely wasn't there before, and naturally I was confused because there definitely hadn't been a TV store there before, and I went in to give the owner a piece of my mind about how he wasn't welcome up there, but then I got distracted by the fabulous deals he was offering and walked away with a brand-new HDTV that didn't need electricity to work," the echidna explained. "He even threw in a free cable package! Of course, some of the channels I got were pretty… Out there, and gave me some pretty nasty nightmares, but when I went back to try and get an explanation, I couldn't find the store again. Fortunately, Tikal was able to exorcise it, and I haven't had many problems since. Though occasionally some of the characters onscreen hop out of the television to try and murder me, but apparently that's a feature, not a bug."
Everyone stared at Knuckles incredulously. "… Well, that explains why your remote control was made of stone and covered in hell runes…" Rouge muttered.
"Okay, so that explains where Amy got the book from, but where did the STORE get the book from?" Mighty wondered.
"Oh, stores like that always have that sort of thing in stock. It's often best not to ask how they procured them," Blaze said.
"Maybe, but how did Erazor and Shahra get in the book to begin with?" Cream asked.
"It was probably King Solomon," Wave suggested.
Everyone glanced at her in surprise. "King Solomon? Wasn't he the guy who cut a baby in half?" Vector asked.
Cream gasped. "He what?!"
"No, sweetie, he just PRETENDED he was going to cut the baby in half so that he could determine who its mother was," Shadow explained quickly.
"Oh, okay," Cream said in relief. "But… How does acting like you're going to cut a baby in half help determine whose mother is?"
"Well, according to the Bible, he reasoned that the true mother of the child would object to having her baby cut in half, while the one who claimed to be its mother but wasn't wouldn't," Tails recalled.
Cream frowned. "But that doesn't make any sense! Wouldn't the woman who was lying about being the baby's mother want the baby in one piece, so she could be a mother to it?"
Tails hesitated. "… You know, when you put it that way, the whole thing doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?"
"Well, that's the Bible for you," Rouge said smugly. "Full of lies and half-truths from start to finish, just like most religious texts."
"… That's kind of rude," Amy said with a frown.
Rouge scoffed. "Darling, when you come from a family which has existed longer than most organized religions and has been around for most of the events the religious texts claim happened and knows what REALLY went down, you tend to be a bit cynical about these sorts of things. Anyway, King Solomon wasn't just a King who pretended he was going to cut a baby in half. He was the wisest and most powerful mortal sorcerer who has ever lived, and said to have the ear of God Himself. He accomplished so many feats of legendary magic and might that not even my ancestors dared to cross him, for fears that the Dark Power would not be enough to withstand his mystic mastery. In fact, to this day, many of us aren't even sure he's actually DEAD. He's the sort of person we monsters tell ghost stories about."
"Well, he certainly isn't dead," Sonic spoke up. He hesitated. "Well, undead, technically."
"YOU met King Solomon?!" Jet asked incredulously.
"He said he met the great Erazor Djinn, I don't see how his meeting King Solomon is that far of a stretch," Storm pointed out.
"Shut up, Storm," Jet snarled.
"You met Solomon ? Where?" Wave asked sharply.
"He was in the book, like everything else," Sonic explained. "He was a skeleton, though. Erazor had killed him and scattered his bones among the 40 thieves. I had to run around and collect his body parts to put them back together so that he could tell me how to reach Erazor's lair, the Night Palace."
Jet scoffed. "Okay, now I KNOW you're making this shit up. As much as I look up to and idolize Erazor, even I have to admit there's no way he could possibly do that to King Solomon. That guy was on a level so high, you couldn't even see it!"
"As much as I hate to agree with anything Jet says, I have to agree. I find it hard to believe Solomon could be defeated like that," Rouge agreed.
"Well, even the strongest of us can sometimes be vulnerable when we let our guards down," Blaze pointed out. "… I… Know that from experience."
Rouge made a face. "Well, even so…"
"What if it wasn't actually King Solomon, but the story of him?" Tails suggested.
"What you mean by that?" Asked a confused Knuckles.
"Well, the book Sonic went into was a storybook, full of tales of the Arabian Nights. All of the characters and places he found there were based off of those stories. Maybe the Solomon Sonic encountered within the book wasn't the actual Solomon, but the storybook version of him?" The Fox theorized.
"An interesting idea," Espio admitted after some consideration.
"Which means the Erazor Sonic allegedly beat up might not have been the real one, but a story version of him! Yeah, that makes sense!" Jet said in relief.
"I dunno, his razor sure as heck FELT real…" Sonic muttered.
"I find myself somewhat skeptical that that was the story version of Erazor. Since most copies of the Arabian Nights don't really bother giving Aladdin's genie a name, the fact that the one in this book was explicitly named Erazor would seem to imply he may have been the real deal," Wave countered.
"Yeah, plus, if it was just a story version of him, how could he possibly be strong enough to attempt to escape into the real world?" Storm added.
Jet fumed. "Shut up, both of you."
"Can we get back on subject here? What does Solomon, real or fictional, have to do with anything?" Asked the confused Knuckles.
"Well, according to legend, it was because of Solomon that many powerful demons, spirits, Djinn, and other supernatural beings were sealed away," Rouge explained. "Ever heard of the Ars Goetia, also known as the Lesser Key of Solomon?"
"No," nearly everyone (except, naturally, for Tails) said.
"Where's the Greater Key?" Cream wondered.
"And what do either of them unlock?" Storm wondered.
Rouge rolled her eyes. "First of all, they aren't actual keys, but spell books. Also, neither of them actually were written by Solomon, but due to the vagaries of history they've both been attributed to him. However, there is a TRUE version of the book that was, in fact, written by Solomon, which can be used to summon 72 very powerful demons that King Solomon managed to seal away millennia ago. In fact, some scholars believe that they were sealed INSIDE the book. If Solomon could do that, he could certainly seal Erazor and any other number of genies and magical creatures, even perhaps a fairy tale version of himself, into a storybook."
Mighty whistled. "Sounds like he was one heck of a magician."
Blaze nodded. "Even some of the great mages of my world would be impressed."
"Amy, if you should ever happen to stumble upon that store again, and the shopkeep recommends another storybook to you, I absolutely DO NOT want that for my birthday," Sonic said bluntly.
Amy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah…"
"An interesting idea, but I thought Solomon sealed Erazor into a lamp and cursed him to never be free until he granted the wishes of 1000 people. Why would he also throw him into a book?" Shadow questioned.
"EXTRA-LEVEL-OF-SECURITY?" Omega suggested.
"Yeah, like banishing a guy, then imprisoning him in the place you banished him to?" Vector added.
"The bastards who sealed me away certainly did that…" Blaze muttered. Sonic gave her an apologetic look.
"There might be something to that, actually," Wave spoke up.
"Oh?" Cream asked.
Wave nodded. "According to the legends we've uncovered, the Babylonian reign of terror came to a grinding halt when they tried to attack Solomon's Empire. King Solomon, deciding enough was enough, invoked the power of the gods, bringing Babylon Garden crashing down to Earth and burying it beneath the sands, scattered the Chaos Emeralds around the world, then imprisoned and subjugated all the Djinn he could capture, including Erazor and his followers, to his will. Our ancestors, the original Rogues, managed to escape and attempted to regroup, planning to lead a daring raid on Solomon's treasure vault so they could retrieve their leader's prison and release him to enact their revenge. However, when they DID manage to break into the vault- a feat which cost most of them their lives – – they couldn't find a lamp anywhere, and were forced to flee before they were enslaved like their brethren. They spent many years traveling the world, searching for the lamp or the Emeralds to reclaim their former glory, their numbers dwindling all the while, until eventually they just gave up. It's possible, however, that the reason they were unable to find a lamp was because King Solomon had already hidden it and most of our other ancestors inside that storybook Sonic possesses, even leaving an imprint of himself inside to make sure none of the other powerful magical beings or artifacts he'd sealed within could ever escape."
"That's a lot of assumptions to make," Espio commented.
Wave shrugged. "Well, it makes much sense as anything else. Sonic, I don't suppose…"
"No, you absolutely CANNOT have the book," Sonic said firmly. "Even if I were convinced you WOULDN'T try to steal everything inside or somehow bring back Erazor, it wouldn't work anyway. I haven't been able to revisit the world within ever since."
Storm groaned. "Ah man, that sucks!"
Wave shrugged. "Oh well, it was worth a shot."
"It's probably for the best," Blaze commented.
"Not for us," Storm grumbled.
"What happened to Erazor after you allegedly beat him, anyway?" Jet inquired.
"Well, turns out the guy's immortal. Despite my beating the World Rings out of him, he bragged he'd just gather his strength and try again another day. Fortunately, along my adventure I'd managed to find his old lamp, which I used to force him to repair all the damage done to the world of the book, then I sealed him inside it and threw it into a pit of molten metal to make sure he could never come back," Sonic recalled.
"You what?!" Jet squawked.
Storm whistled. "Pretty hard-core, man."
"Oh good, that probably killed him! Just like throwing Jafar's lamp into a river of lava killed him!" Charmy said in relief.
"I'm not sure real genies work on those same rules," Espio grunted him. "It's possible Erazor is still alive, just trapped inside his lamp in a pool of molten metal… Forever."
"Oh my! That's… That's horrible! To live forever, only to be trapped in such an awful state… Mr. Sonic, did you really have to do that?" Cream queried.
Sonic shrugged apologetically. "Like I said, he's immortal. If I hid him somewhere, there's a chance some poor sap might find him and accidentally release him one day. It was actually Shahra's idea to do that."
"But why would Shahra do that? She was Erazor's consort!" Storm protested.
"I was kind of wondering the same thing. If she was his consort, why was she trying to fight him?" Wave wondered.
"She wasn't, it was all a trick. Turns out Erazor had sent her to me to fool me into gathering the seven magical World Rings for him-"
"World Rings?" Storm interjected.
"Standard group of all-powerful magical Macguffins, formed the backbone of the world, granted incredible power to whoever got all of them, you know, the usual. Anyway, after I got them all, Erazor sacrificed Shahra so he could use their power. Thankfully, after I beat the crap out of him, one of the wishes I forced him to grant was to bring Shahra back. Understandably, she was a bit less willing to forgive him for everything after that," Sonic explained.
His friends made looks of disgust. "Yeah, I can kind of understand why she would do something like that," Amy said with a grimace.
"I suddenly feel a bit less sympathetic towards him," Cream admitted totally.
"No way! Erazor would NEVER do that to Shahra! They loved each other!" Jet insisted.
"Sure didn't seem like that to me. Seemed like a pretty typical one-sided abusive relationship from where I was standing," Sonic argued.
"But all the stories say-" Jet insisted.
"Stories can lie," Shadow said bluntly. "Which is more likely, that the tales your ancestors left you were completely factually accurate, or at least partially fabricated to make themselves seem more heroic and noble than they actually were and their fate that much more tragic?"
Rouge nodded. "Which is one of the advantages of all my ancestors still being around. It's kind of hard for them to make up stories about how great and mighty they were when the rest of the family is there to call bullshit on it."
"Heroic and noble? I thought the legends said that they were dangerous thieves," Knuckles pointed out.
Shadow shrugged. "Which actually makes them that much more appealing. After all, don't people tend to romanticize Pirates rather than focus on the absolutely horrific atrocities they committed?"
"I don't romanticize Pirates," Espio argued.
"Yeah, because you're a ninja," Charmy said with a roll of his eyes.
"No, because I was raped by a pirate once," Espio said matter-of-factly.
There was a long, awkward pause. "Wait, what-" Mighty begin.
"Pirates are not tolerated in my kingdom," Blaze said loudly, quickly changing the subject for Cream's sake as much as anything else.
"Wait, but what about-" Sonic started.
"Those are PRIVATEERS. Totally different," Blaze said firmly.
"What's a privateer?" Cream asked, aware that Blaze was probably trying to take her mind off of whatever Espio just said, but deciding maybe she didn't really want to know.
"Basically the same thing as a pirate, except under government payroll," Tails explained.
"WHICH-MEANS-THEY-ARE-FREE-TO-PILLAGE-AND-RAPE-AND-PLUNDER-AS-MUCH-AS-THEY-PLEASE, SO-LONG-AS-THEY-DON'T-DO-IT-TO-WHOEVER'S-PAYING-THEIR-SALARIES," Omega elaborated.
Blaze looked uncomfortable. "I… Wouldn't put it quite like that…"
"I would," Amy growled.
"The privateers you introduced me to did seem a little… Iffy," Sonic told Blaze apologetically.
Blaze made a face. "I… Suppose I have been getting a bit lax on hiring standards where privateers are concerned. But so many of them are so good at killing whales…"
"This whole racism angle really doesn't become you, Blaze," Tails commented.
"Look, they've refused every peace overture I've made them and every single one of them is absolutely dedicated to killing me and everything I hold dear! Under those circumstances, I'd think genocide is not out of the question!" Blaze snapped.
"For the record, I completely and wholeheartedly support her in the extermination of all whales everywhere," Sonic added.
"That's really not very heroic," Mighty complained.
"Heroes can be flawed," Sonic said defensively. "Look, if I ever met a whale which didn't try to murder me, I might change my mind. So far, that has yet to happen."
"Hey Silver, given how disturbingly kill-happy Sonic and Blaze are about whales, do they still exist in your time?" Vector asked the time traveler.
"Not on the planet. Most them were wiped out in the Whale Wars, and those who survived escaped offworld, claiming that one day they would be back for revenge," Silver replied.
"Whale Wars?" Cream asked, concerned.
"Yeah, it was this whole thing where all of whalekind rose out of the oceans to try and wipe out all the surface-dwellers. Probably shouldn't have mentioned it," Silver admitted.
"No, you shouldn't have," Shadow growled, comforting his worried great-niece.
"Who the hell cares about Pirates or whales?!" Jet demanded fiercely. "You're telling me that my idol, the great Erazor Djinn, wasn't a heroic figure at all but some megalomaniacal Asshole and domestic abuser and you expect me to just, just buy that?!"
Sonic shrugged. "Whether or not you believe it is up to you. All I'm saying is that's what happened. I don't really care how you feel about it, one way or the other."
"Harsh," Tails commented.
Sonic shrugged. "Eh."
"Okay, I think this has gotten a little convoluted," Mighty spoke up. "To summarize, long ago a race of alien genies blew up their own planet to escape being persecuted by greedy people, and one of their colony ships crashed here on Earth, where they became a mighty army of thieves, stealing anything they desired, under the leadership of Erazor. Then King Solomon brought down their fortress, sealed away most of the genies, and those that escaped eventually became the Babylon Rogues. Am I right so far?"
"That about sums it up, yes," Wave agreed.
"You know, when you put it like that, it reminds me of a story from my own world," Blaze commented.
"Oh?" Espio inquired.
The cat nodded. "Once upon a time, there was a floating city full of very wicked people who rained destruction and havoc upon the world below. Then I showed up and killed them all."
There was an awkward pause. "… Huh," Vector said.
"Most of the stories back home end that way," Blaze admitted, looking somewhat embarrassed.
Mighty continued. "And then Erazor tried to break free from the book Solomon quite likely sealed him in, only for Sonic to defeat-"
"ALLEGEDLY defeat!" Jet interjected.
Mighty rolled his eyes. "Only for Sonic to really truly actually defeat Erazor, sealing him back in his lamp, and threw it into a pool of molten metal, never to trouble the world again. Is that everything?"
"Yeah, that sounds about right," Storm agreed.
"No it doesn't!" Jet protested. Nobody paid attention to him.
"So, if you three are descended from genies… Does that mean you can grant wishes?" Charmy asked excitedly.
Cream gasped. "Oh, I never thought about that! Can you? Can you please?"
Wave shook her head. "Sorry, kid, but our genie blood has become so diluted over the millennia we just don't have that power anymore."
"What are you talking about, Wave? We can totally grant wishes!" Storm said in confusion.
"You can?!" Amy, Cream, and Charmy asked excitedly, while the other two Rogues groaned and facepalmed.
"Storm, you moron! We TOLD you never to tell that to anyone!" Jet snapped.
Storm winced. "Oops. Sorry. I, ah, forgot?"
"Wait, so you three really CAN grant wishes?" Rouge asked in surprise. She glanced at Omega. "Omega, did you-"
"MAKE-SURE-THE ENTIRE-WORLD-HEARD-THAT? YEP," the robot affirmed.
The vampire grinned. "Good boy."
Wave sighed. "Well, looks like the jig is up. Yes, we can grant wishes. Much like our ancestors, we can only grant three per person. However, before any of you get any ideas, the bit about our genie blood getting diluted over the millennia isn't a lie. We aren't nearly as powerful as they were. While we can grant wishes, it's only small stuff. Nothing big like immortality or world domination or limitless riches."
"Then I can't wish for Sonic to love me?" Amy asked in disappointment.
"Or us to not always be on the brink of unspeakable poverty?" Vector asked.
"Brink of?" Espio sneered.
"Or for the last several years of my life to have not happened?" Mighty asked bitterly. The Chaotix flinched.
"Or for world peace?" Cream asked.
"Or for my people to still be around and not total assholes?" Knuckles asked.
"OR-THE-ANNIHILATION-OF-ALL-ORGANIC-LIFE-ON-THIS-PLANET?" Omega asked.
"Or a lifetime supply of chili dogs?" Sonic asked. Everyone stared him. "What? There isn't a lot I want out of life. I'm pretty content with the way things are."
"No to all of those. Those wishes are far beyond the extent of our powers, meager as they are," Wave lamented.
"Which is probably a good thing, because I don't really want to grant wishes like that to any of you," Jet sneered.
"But Jet, if they made those wishes, you'd have no choice but to grant them," Storm pointed out.
"Shut up, Storm," Jet snarled.
"By the way, Amy, if you HAD been able to wish for Sonic to love you, my first wish would have been for your wish to be nullified. And then I would eviscerate you," Blaze said calmly. Amy gulped.
"What about ice cream?" Cream asked. "Could you give us that if we asked?"
"Yeah, something like that would probably be well within our power," Storm said after a moment's thought.
"Unfortunately," Jet grumbled.
Cream's eyes lit up. "Great! Then I wish for-"
"Hold on there, Cream," Shadow interjected. "There are two kinds of wish-granters in the world. Those who are benevolent and give you basically what you want and everything is fine- like the Genie from Aladdin- or those who are complete assholes and take sadistic pleasure in warping and twisting the words of your wish so that no matter what you ask for, if you don't ask it just right they'll make sure you suffer as much as possible for their own amusement. And something tells me the Babylon Rogues are not the first type of genie."
"Damn straight," Jet grunted.
"Oh my," Cream murmured, concerned.
"I've never liked those kinds of genies. Why do they have to be such jackasses all the time?" Amy complained.
"Maybe because they're sick and tired of idiots like you always forcing them to grant stupid, shortsighted, vapid wishes?" Wave snarled.
"… I did not think of that," Amy admitted.
"So… Does that mean we SHOULD or shouldn't make any wishes?" Asked a confused Charmy.
"I wouldn't recommend it. With the less benign kind of genie, no matter how carefully you word your wish, no matter how innocuous it is, they'll probably try to find a way to screw you over. They're treacherously cunning that way," Blaze said.
"You know from experience?" Tails asked.
Blaze shrugged. "I've had a long life."
"Yes, but there's one thing you're forgetting," Rouge quipped with a smirk. "These are the Babylon Rogues. Cunning is not a word I would ascribe to them."
"Hey!" Jet protested.
"I should probably be offended, but… Two out of three isn't bad," Wave grunted. "Or rather, isn't good."
"Should I be insulted or not?" Asked a confused Storm.
Wave sighed. "My point exactly."
Blaze perked up at that. "A fair point, Rouge. In that case… Cream, darling, if you want to make a wish, go for it. Just make sure you think about it very carefully before you ask for anything."
Cream considered this for a moment, then shook her head. "No, on second thought, I don't think I'll make any wishes."
"No?" Shadow asked in surprise. "Why not?"
"Yeah, why not?" Storm asked.
"Storm, we don't WANT her to make any wishes!" Jet snapped.
"Oh, right," the albatross said.
"That's why," the rabbit explained. "From everything they said, they really don't want to grant any wishes. In fact, their ancestors blew up their own home planet just to keep people from forcing them to grant wishes all the time. And if that's the case, wouldn't it be cruel to force them to grant a wish anyway, no matter how mean they are?"
"… Huh. Good point," Sonic said.
"I hadn't thought of it like that," Knuckles agreed.
Amy chuckled. "That's pretty much the answer we should've known you'd give, Cream."
Shadow nodded in agreement. "Yes, because if there's anything you most definitely aren't, it's cruel."
Cream blushed. "Well, you know…"
"Given how kind you are, it's really a wonder that you're the daughter of a notorious mob boss and Dr. Eggman," Knuckles added. Everyone glared at him. He flushed. "Oh, right, we're not supposed to talk about that."
"Wait, what was that-" a startled Jet asked.
"I wish the three Babylon Rogues forgot the last 30 seconds," Blaze said quickly.
"Your wish is my command," Storm said reflexively, snapping his fingers. There was a pause, and then he blinked in confusion. "… Why do I feel like I just granted a wish, but can't remember what it was?"
"Considering how often you forget things, I'm not surprised," Wave sneered. She frowned. "Still, I do feel like something happened…"
Rouge quickly whispered something into Shadow's ear. He nodded and said, "I wish that everyone here had a scoop of their favorite ice cream, in a cone, with absolutely no nasty hidden side effects, including and especially brain freeze."
"Your wish is my command," Jet said, reflexively snapping his fingers. Instantly, everyone was holding a scoop of ice cream in a handy waffle cone. He scowled at the black hedgehog. "I'd say I hate you forever for that, but I was never very fond of you to begin with."
"I can live with that," Shadow said, licking his cone.
"Grunkle Shadow! Blaze!" Cream scolded her friends, upset.
"Sorry, Cream, but it was either that or let things get incredibly awkward," Blaze said apologetically, licking her cone. "Oh my, this is very good."
"And besides, what's the alternative, let them know that your parents are Dr. Eggman and a notorious crime boss?" Knuckles pointed out, happily licking his cone.
"Wait, what?" Asked the startled Wave.
"KNUCKLES!" everyone yelled at him.
The echidna winced. "Oops."
"I wish the Babylon Rogues forgot the last 30 seconds! Again," Tails said quickly.
"Your wish is my command," Wave said, reflexively snapping fingers. She blinked. "… Where did this ice cream come from?"
"Who cares? Free ice cream!" Storm said eagerly, licking his cone with such gusto that he now had an ice cream mustache. Wave frowned, but shrugged it off and let her cone.
"Mmm, pistachio, my favorite," Alonzo the elephant said, delicately and gently savoring his cone.
Jet blinked. "… Where the heck did you come from?"
"Oh, I've always been here. Just pretend I'm not here," the elephant said.
"… Okay," Jet said uncertainly.
A few minutes later, after everyone had finished their cones, Jet said, "Anyway, now that we're done with that little snack break, and we finished telling the glorious story of our ancestors… Sonic the Hedgehog! I challenge you to a race!"
"Huh? Right now? Well, okay, I'm game," Sonic said with a shrug, flicking the last bit of ice cream from his cone and tossing it to Blaze's Biter, who happily snapped it up.
"Great! Go get your Extreme Gear!" Jet said, whipping out his own board.
Sonic hesitated. "Uh, I don't have it right now. I left it at home."
Jet stared in confusion. "… You… You left it at home? Why?!"
"Well, why wouldn't I? Why would I need to carry it around all the time?" Asked a baffled Sonic.
"To… To ride it, of course," Jet said slowly, getting even more perplexed. "And to have it in case someone challenges you to a race!"
Sonic blinked. "… That has literally never happened to me before."
"Seriously? Huh. That's weird," a puzzled Jet commented. "But then, how do you get places if you don't ride your Extreme Gear everywhere?"
"I… run? Or hitch a ride on Tails' plane?" Sonic said awkwardly.
"You know, like a normal person," Mighty snarked.
"What's normal about running everywhere or hitching a ride on a friend's plane?" Storm asked in puzzlement.
"Well, normal for US, anyway," Mighty corrected. His friends nodded in agreement.
Jet frowned. "Well, that just won't do. We can't have a race without an Extreme Gear! Ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I will allow you to make a single wish to bring your Extreme Gear here-"
"Why can't you have a race without an Extreme Gear?" Blaze interjected.
Jet frowned. "Why? Well, because…uh… Guys, back me up here on this."
"Because racing on Extreme Gears is the only kind of race you're good at, and you're rubbish at absolutely everything else?" Wave suggested.
Jet flushed. "That's not backing me up, Wave!"
"I wasn't trying to," Wave said flatly.
"She kind of has a point, boss. I don't seem to remember you doing so well at those races in the Olympics," Storm recalled.
"Shut it, Storm!" Jet hissed. "I'm the Fastest Thing Alive! I did…less than perfect in those events just so I wouldn't smoke the other competitors too badly! Yeah, that's it!"
"Yeah, that's totally why," Charmy commented, rolling his eyes.
"Really? I thought it was because he was a terrible runner," Knuckles said in confusion. Everyone groaned.
"To be fair, I kind of did the same thing," Sonic admitted. "Though granted, it's because the Olympics Committee asked me to…" He frowned. "Which, come to think of it, doesn't seem quite right…"
"Hey! It doesn't matter what kind of race it is, Extreme Gear or no Extreme Gear, whatever it is, I'll win in a flash! Because I'm-" Jet started.
"The fastest thing alive, we know," Shadow said, rolling his eyes.
"You really aren't, you know. Mr. Sonic is, with Blaze about his equal and Grunkle Shadow in second," Cream said apologetically.
Shadow frowned at his Great-Niece. "Why can't I be first in your eyes?"
"Sorry, Grunkle Shadow," Cream apologized, a dejected look on her face.
"No, no, it's fine, sweetie," Shadow said quickly. Damn, how did she manage to take hold of my heart so quickly? Just like...her...
Jet snorted. "That so? Well, let's just see how true that is! Sonic, I challenge you to a foot race, here and now!"
Sonic frowned. "Not that I'm one to turn down a challenge, but… You sure about this? I mean, not to brag, but I'm… Well, really fast."
"Kind of an understatement there, seeing as how you regularly break the sound barrier when you run," Tails commented.
Jet scoffed. "That's preposterous, nobody can do that!"
Everyone stared at the hawk in disbelief. "Um… No, actually, I can," Sonic said, looking bewildered.
"Yeah, that's why everyone calls him 'Sonic,'" Mighty concurred.
"Really? I always figured he had some kind of deal going with the fast food chain," said a surprised Storm.
"Yeah, I'm still dealing with lawsuits from those guys…" Sonic grumbled.
"Yeah, a likely story," Jet sneered. "There's no way anyone could possibly run that fast without some sort of performance enhancer or other cheap trick!"
"Actually, I can run that fast as well," Blaze spoke up.
"As can I," Shadow added.
"Yeah, sure," Jet sneered, making it clear he didn't believe them.
"For some reason, I don't think he believes you," Knuckles commented.
Rouge looked at him, impressed. "You actually recognized sarcasm for a change! Well done!"
"Thanks!" Knuckles said happily.
"Probably not a thing you should be happy about…" Espio muttered.
"You… You really didn't know that? Or believe it? I thought that was common knowledge," said a confused Amy.
"You two have heard that Sonic and the others can do that, right?" Charmy asked the other Rogues.
Wave nodded. "We have, but Jet tends to block out anything that doesn't involve Extreme Gear, his ancestors, thieving, or himself. As a result, he completely refuses to believe anyone could possibly have natural talents greater than his own, even when it happens right before his eyes."
"Oh, so he's like Cell Games-era Mr. Satan, then," Vector realized.
"Who?" A confused Cream asked.
"You'd know him as Hercule, sweetie," Shadow explained. He paused. "Assuming you've seen Dragon Ball Z. Have you?"
"I have," she confirmed.
"Okay. Just checking," the black hedgehog said in relief.
"Wouldn't have thought that to be your kind of show, Cream. What will all the super-intense fighting and stuff," Amy commented.
"I've always liked Akira Toriyama's character designs, even if he does only seem to be able to draw a handful of faces," the rabbit confessed.
"Everyone shut up about anime! Sonic, if you're really as good as everyone here seems to think you are – – which I doubt – – then prove it, right here and right now! Race me, no holds barred! Show me what you've got!" Jet demanded.
Sonic frowned. "You sure you want to do this, Jet? Because it's not going to turn out in your favor. At all."
"Yeah, yeah, put your money where your mouth is!" Jet sneered. "Or do you just not want to look bad in front of your girlfriend?"
Blaze narrowed her eyes. "Beloved?"
"Yes, Blaze?" Sonic asked.
"Crush him."
"As much as I hate to agree with Blaze – – ever – – I find myself agreeing," Amy growled.
Sonic chuckled and shook. "Well, if miladies request it, who am I, as a noble Knight – – and King–-of Camelot, to refuse? You're on, Jet!"
"Excellent!" Jet said with an evil grin.
"So, how do you want to do this?" Sonic asked.
"To give you a sporting chance, let's make this short. First one to that tree at the edge of the field and back wins!" Jet decided, pointing to a distant tree.
"Wow, that's kind of short," Sonic said with a frown. "Pretty much every other race I've taken part in has a much further finishing line."
"I highly doubt Jet has it in him to make it to that mountain over there and back," Shadow said rather loudly, gesturing with his head to a very tall mountain rather far away.
"And certainly not all the way to the peak," Rouge added, a very sinister grin on her face.
"Change of plans! First one to the top of the mountain and back wins!" Jet said quickly.
"Oh, boss, are you sure that's-" a concerned Storm started.
"Leave it, Storm. It's his funeral," Wave said dismissively. She chuckled. "This should be fun."
"Yes, it will be!" Jet said obliviously. "When I grind this ground-pounding rodent into the dust and prove, once and for all, that I'm the fastest thing alive, and most certainly am not going to die after landing in the hospital following a disastrous chase brought on by the end of Extreme Gear racing, which will never happen, ever!"
"Was Mr. Satan this deep in denial?" Espio wondered.
"Well, he hasn't started ranting about mirrors or magnets under the ground yet," Charmy pointed out.
"Who names their kid Mr. Satan, anyway?" Knuckles wondered.
"Who names their kid 'Kneecaps?'" Mighty replied. Knuckles glared at him.
"Come on, let's do this!" Jet demanded.
Sonic sighed and shrugged his shoulders in resignation. "Well, if you insist." He walked over and stood beside Jet, crouching down next to the hawk as everyone else cleared out of the way so they had a straight shot at the distant mountain. "Shadow, Blaze, you want in?"
"Just this one, Sonic, I'm good," the black hedgehog said.
Blaze nodded in agreement. "Yes, beloved, I think it would be far more entertaining to see what happens." She grinned savagely.
"If we're going to do this, let's do this properly. As the most beautiful woman here-" Rouge began.
"Hey! Since when?!" Wave demanded.
Wordlessly, Rouge pointed at her chest. Much to her amusement, everyone stared rather a lot longer than they probably needed to.
"Welp, I'm convinced," Vector said finally.
"Yeah, that checks out," Charmy said.
"Works for me," Storm agreed.
"Are those really natural?" Mighty wondered.
"Yep. I should know," Knuckles bragged. Shadow glared at him in envy, as did most of the other males present.
Amy growled and folded her arms over her chest in indignation. "Please, big breasts aren't everything."
"No, but they certainly help!" Rouge said cheerfully.
Blaze glanced down at her own chest, looking oddly self-conscious. "Hey, it's fine, I like you just the way you are," Sonic assured her.
Blaze smiled gratefully. "Thank you, beloved."
"Oh, please," Jet grumbled, rolling his eyes.
"At least he's actually getting some," Wave pointed out, causing the hawk to turn red.
"Wait, so the two of you aren't…?" Espio inquired.
Wave snorted. "Please, I can do better than him."
"Yeah, you probably could," Amy agreed.
"I'm right here!" Jet snapped.
"WE-DON'T-CARE," Omega said flatly.
"Anyway, as the most beautiful woman here, it's up to me to start this off right," Rouge said, walking in front of the two racers and standing between them, pulling a handkerchief out of her ample cleavage. "When I drop this, the race will begin. From here to the top of the mountain and back. Ready? On your marks… Get set… GO!"
She dropped the handkerchief, and the two runners were off.
Five minutes later…
Everyone stood in awkward silence as the ambulance drove off, taking the Babylon Rogues with it. "Well," Sonic said finally, looking distraught. "That did not go the way I expected to."
"I knew he was going to lose, but not THAT badly," Shadow agreed, stunned.
"There was so much blood," Charmy whispered, trembling.
"I didn't know it was even possible to break both legs just by tripping," said a stunned Vector.
"Up until today, I believed that 'coughing up a lung' was a figure of speech. Clearly, I was wrong," said a dazed Espio.
"Just how out of shape WAS he?!" An incredulous Knuckles wondered. "I thought he was an athlete!"
"Being good at riding a hoverboard doesn't necessarily translate to being able to run very fast," Tails pointed out. "But still… Yeah, that was ridiculous. And disturbing."
"Dude didn't even make it 10 feet before collapsing. Weak," Alonzo snorted, eating from a bag of peanuts.
"THAT-WAS-ONE-OF-THE-MOST-INCREDIBLE-THINGS-I'VE-EVER-SEEN," Omega said, awed. "I'M-SAVING-IT-TO-MY-PERMANENT-MEMORY. ALSO, MY-BLOG'S-HIT-COUNTS-HAVE-REACHED-RECORD-BREAKING-HEIGHTS. TRULY-EXTREME-VIOLENCE-IS-THE-WAY-TO-BE-POPULAR-ON-THE-INTERNET."
"Beloved, when I told you to crush him, I didn't mean that badly!" Blaze proclaimed, astounded. Sonic cringed, and she quickly added, "I'm impressed. I think I'm actually rather aroused." Sonic blushed, and Amy ground her teeth.
"Sonic, you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened," Mighty told his friend, quickly recognizing his distress. "Jet brought this on himself by insisting on this race. And besides, there's no way you could possibly have known this would happen. None of us could!"
"I-DID," Omega corrected him.
Mighty blinked. "Wait, what?"
"MY-SUPERIOR-SENSORY-PACKAGE-WAS-ABLE-TO-PREDICT, BASED-ON-SCANS-OF-HIS-BODY-AND-PROJECTIONS-OF-HIS-HEALTH, THAT-IF-HE-RACED-SONIC, JET-WOULD-SUFFER-AN-INJURY-SO-BAD-HE-WOULD-NEED-TO-IMMEDIATELY-BE-RUSHED-TO-THE-HOSPITAL," Omega explained.
"Why didn't you tell us that beforehand?!" Amy demanded angrily.
"WHILE-I-COULD-SAY-THAT-NONE-OF-YOU-ASKed, THE-HONEST-ANSWER-IS-THAT-I-THOUGHT-IT-WOULD-BE-FUNNY," Omega said. "I-WAS-RIGHT."
"… You can be a really horrible guy sometimes, Omega," Vector said angrily.
Omega shrugged. "I-NEVER-CLAIMED-TO-BE-NICE."
"Mr. Silver, do your futuristic records say if he'll be okay?" Cream asked the time traveler anxiously.
"Well, let me check…" Silver murmured, fiddling with his device. After moment, he blanched. Slowly, he said, "Well, I can certainly tell you this: he is not going to die in a hospital a few years from now after getting in a severe Extreme Gear accident."
"Oh, thank goodness," Cream sighed in relief, completely missing the implications.
How bad? Shadow mouthed over his great-niece's head.
Very, the other hedgehog mouthed back. Shadow grimaced.
"Well, I call dibs on the airship," Rouge said abruptly, grabbing everyone's attention.
"Wait, what? What do you mean?" Sonic asked.
"The airship. Dibs. I'm taking it," Rouge elaborated.
"You can't do that!" Amy protested. "That's the Babylon Rogues' ship!"
"Yes, and I'm a thief, and they aren't here to stop me," Rouge pointed out. "Besides, it's not like they're going to need it ever again anyway. Assuming Jet ever makes it out of the hospital, his bills will be so expensive there's no way they can afford to keep it. I, on the other hand, can. So I'm taking it."
"That is an incredibly greedy, cruel, and opportunistic thing to do," Blaze said with a frown.
"Yep," Rouge said proudly. "Of course, I'll need to clean out the bird smell first…"
"I'LL-HELP," Omega offered. "SO-LONG-AS-I-GET-TO-BURN-ALL-OF-THEIR-WORTHLESS-POSSESSIONS."
"Done, so long as I get to keep all the stuff that actually has worth," Rouge agreed. "Hey, Foxboy, wanna help fix her up and make her even better?"
Tails frowned. "On the one hand, I should be offended that you're so callously stealing the Rogues' home while they're powerless to stop you due to one of their own being hospitalized, possibly for the rest of his life. On the other hand… Yes."
"Tails!" Sonic cried, shocked.
"What? I've always wanted to get a look at their ship," Tails pointed out. "And besides, if she really wants to take it, there isn't a lot we can do to stop her."
"… Yeah, I suppose not," Sonic grumbled in resignation.
"Are you sure you're not evil?" Charmy asked the bat doubtfully.
"I prefer to think of myself as morally ambiguous," Rouge said cheerfully.
"What do you even need an airship for anyway?" Shadow questioned. "I thought you already had a bunch."
"She does?" Espio asked.
"Well, yeah. How do you think she always gets up to Angel Island to date me and/or steal the Master Emerald?" Knuckles asked.
"I always assumed she flew," Cream confessed.
Rouge chuckled. "I'm a good flyer, but not THAT good. Anyway, yes, I already have several airships, but one more can't hurt. Plus, this one is already outfitted for less-than-legal activities, which means it'll cost me less to modify to be of use in my line of work. Plus, it's probably full of rare and no doubt expensive Babylonian artifacts I'm sure could find a place for my collection."
"Artifacts which rightfully belong to the Rogues, given that they're part of their culture!" Amy protested.
"Yes, after being stolen from numerous museums, tombs, private collections, and historical sites around the world," Rouge retorted. "I'm simply stealing back stolen property. Some of which I will actually return to the original owners, for a significant finder's fee, mind you." When the others continued to glare at her, she rolled her eyes and said, "Fine, if I agree to pay for a share of Jet's hospital bill, will you stop being so judgmental?"
"Well, it's a start…" Amy muttered.
"I'll chip in, too," Sonic announced. "What happened to Jet is at least partially my responsibility."
"Sonic, I'm not sure you can afford to do that," Tails corrected his friend.
Sonic frowned. "Just how expensive are his bills going to be, exactly?"
The Fox frowned. "Well, given the state and extent of his injuries…"
Tails named a figure. Sonic blanched, as did most of the others of the group who weren't lucky enough to be fantastically wealthy. "…Yyyyyeah, on second thought, I'm just gonna send a fruit basket and a 'get well soon card'. That's well within my price range."
"You do know you could borrow money from us, Mr. Sonic," Cream pointed out.
"Yes, I could, but then it wouldn't be me who's paying for the bills, it would be you," Sonic replied.
"Oh. That's true. Well, then I'll just pay for a share of the bill as well. It's the right thing to do," Cream resolved.
"Very good, Cream," Shadow said approvingly.
"Rouge, when we work on the ship, do you suppose I could have a look at the Rogues' Extreme Gears?" Tails asked Rouge. "Now that I think about it, there's a chance that the reason Jet's body was in such horrible shape might have something to do with his Gear."
"You think he might have been affected by the radiation that gives Gear riders testicular cancer?" Vector asked, his detective instincts – – poor as they were – – kicking in.
"I-DID-DETECT-TRACES-OF-CELLULAR-DAMAGE, BONE-DEGENERATION, AND-ORGAN-FAILURE-CONSISTENT-WITH-CERTAIN-LEVELS-OF-RADIOACTIVE-EXPOSURE," Omega spoke up.
"But didn't the Rogues make their own Gears?" Knuckles pointed out. "I mean, Wave isn't nearly as smart as Tails, but surely she would've known to avoid making them hazardous to her friends."
"… Unless she intended them to be hazardous," Espio said slowly, a horrified look dawning on his face. "She made it very clear she didn't particularly care much for her leader."
Everyone was silent for a moment as they considered the shocking implications of this. "Rouge-" Shadow said sharply to his partner.
"I'm calling the hospital now," Rouge said, dialing on her cell phone. "I'll tell them to run a full spectrum on both Wave and Storm. Tails? Check out those boards ASAP. If what we're hypothesizing is true, and Storm shows cellular damage and organ failure similar to Jet but Wave doesn't…and if her board is clearly different than theirs…"
"Then she could be charged with attempted murder, at the very least," Vector said in disgust.
"But… Why would she do that?" Asked a confused Cream. "I thought they were her friends!"
"Being someone's partner isn't necessarily the same thing as being their friend," Shadow explained to his great-niece. "You know that old saying about honor amongst thieves? Well, there usually isn't any. Especially not when the stakes are high enough."
"Oh my," the rabbit said, horrified. "Wait, then… What about you and…"
"We're partners AND friends," Shadow assured her quickly. "The three of us would never betray each other, just like most of us never would. Well, except for maybe the Chaotix."
"Hey!" Charmy protested. Mighty cleared his throat loudly. The bee chuckled nervously and went silent.
"Suddenly I'm feeling a bit more justified in letting Rouge take that airship," Amy commented, a disgusted look on her face.
"Your sentiments are unnecessary, but thanks anyway," the bat said.
"Well, that certainly went from completely and utterly pointless to somewhat amusing to shockingly dark rather quickly," Silver announced. "Still, now that that's done, I think it's time I finally got out of your here. I have an Eggman Nega to stop, after all."
"Oh, right, that's still a thing," Knuckles recalled.
"Good luck," Sonic told the other hedgehog. "And be sure to swing back at some to point tell us how went. I'm sure it'll be an epic story!"
"Thanks! I'll be sure do that,"Ssilver said with a grin.
"You're aware he's probably going to embellish the tale utterly, right?" Blaze murmured to Sonic.
"Like none of us have ever done the same?" The blue hedgehog muttered back. She grunted in reluctant agreement.
"Goodbye, Mr. Silver!" Cream said cheerfully.
"Don't let the time portal close on your tail on the way out," Vector said.
"I kind of hope it does," Charmy complained.
"Hush," Espio whispered.
"You were thinking it too!" Charmy complained. The chameleon did not reply.
Silver pressed a few buttons on his recorder, and the device started to hum and light up. "Okay, I'm off. Until next time, fare thee-"
"ALERT!" Omega cried suddenly. "DIMENSIONAL-ANOMALY-DETECTED! "
"Dammit," Silver hissed.
"Oh no, what now?" Mighty groaned.
"Maybe it's Miss Shade coming back?" Cream asked hopefully.
"I'd actually like to see that," Knuckles admitted.
"While that would be nice, it's unlikely. It's probably going to be some other horrible creature or villain trying to destroy us," Shadow groaned.
"Or someone from another dimension or timeline asking for our help," Rouge agreed with a sigh.
"Oh, come on! We just got finished with our last big adventure!" Charmy complained. "Can't we just have a break?"
"The world does not work that way, unfortunately," Espio lamented.
"Whatever it is, we better be ready," Sonic said, tensing up.
"Oh, I always am," Blaze assured him, lighting up fireballs in her hands while her Biter stood up and started growling.
Everyone quickly got into combat positions as the air sparked and suddenly a swirling vortex opened high in the air above them.
"Omega, any familiar energy signatures?" Shadow asked.
"NEGATIVE. THIS-PORTAL-DOES-NOT-LEAD-TO-ANY-DIMENSION-WE-HAVE-VISITED-BEFORE," Omega reported.
"Given how big the multiverse is, that doesn't really narrow it down," Tails commented.
Cream gasped and pointed. "Look! I think something's coming through!"
Something indeed was coming through. Or rather, falling through, screaming and flailing its arms in terror. "It's a person!" Amy cried.
"Probably not a villain or horrible monster, then," Vector said, relaxing.
"Don't be so sure, it could just be taking the form of a horrible monster to get us to let our guards down! Or maybe it IS a bad guy, and the heroes of wherever it came from threw it into a portal to get out of their universe!" Charmy suggested.
"That's not very nice," Knuckles complained. "You can't just throw something like that into somebody else's dimension without warning! That's downright irresponsible!"
"Yes, and you're such a paragon of responsibility," Mighty snarked. The echidna scowled at him.
Sonic quickly rushed over and caught the falling being in his arms before it could hit the ground. The person, whoever it was, didn't seem to notice this and kept screaming and flailing in panic. "You can-Ow!-stop-ow!-that-ow!-now-ow!-you're-ow!-safe-ow!-now!" He grunted in between getting smacked in the face.
The newcomer paused. "Huh? Oh! Sonic! You caught-" She paused, running her eyes over the blue hedgehog in surprise and alarm. "Wait a minute…you're not my Sonic! You aren't wearing speed tape!"
Sonic blinked in confusion. "…Uh, no. Should I be?"
"Eh, depends on which part of the fanbase you ask. Let go of me!" the creature snapped, shaking herself out of Sonic's grasp and backflipping a few feet away, glaring at everyone warily as she whipped out a large boomerang.
"Whoa, easy there," Sonic said, startled. "We aren't going to hurt you."
"I'll be the judge of that!" she snapped. "Everyone, stay back! I've got a boomerang and I'm not afraid to use it!"
Tails blinked in surprise. "Wait… Is That… Marine?!"
"What? No, of course not," said a bewildered Blaze. "Marine is a raccoon. That is clearly a badger."
"Oh, right. Silly me, don't know why I thought they looked the same. They're totally different," Tails agreed.
The newcomer was indeed an anthropomorphic badger only slightly shorter than Amy. She had orange fur with long thick hair on the back of her head, which she kept in two locks with auburn strings, and two brown stripes across each of her eyes and bushy round ears that reached the end of her hair. Additionally, she had a peach muzzle with a small black nose, blue eyes and a medium-long bushy tail. Her attire consisted of a tube top and a skirt with an auburn rope belt, each made of worn-down grey fabric stitched together, and tan fur-skin boots, one of which had a fur cuff and the other which had metal bands on it. As accessories, she wore a golden band on her right upper arm, a spiral bracelet on her left wrist, and a necklace braided with seashells and a gold ring. Her right forearm was encased in a very complex-looking high-tech gauntlet that showed signs of damage, with broken screens and dead lights as well as a few exposed, sparking wires.
"Okay, since nobody's wearing speed tape and Knuckles isn't top-heavy, that means I'm not in the Boom strain…" The badger muttered, looking them all over. "There's too many characters here for this to be in the Adventure or SatAM strains… Knuckles isn't wearing a hat, so this isn't that strain… Don't see any musical instruments or hedgehogs with punk hair, so this isn't the Underground strain… No Princess Sally or obnoxious human children, so this isn't the Archie or X strains… and Sonic isn't acting like a total asshole, so that just leaves Prime. Oy! Rabbit!"
"Who? Me?" Cream asked in surprise.
"Yeah, you!" The badger yelled. "What's your name?"
"Cream," the rabbit said in confusion.
"Okay, that checks out…" The badger muttered. "Okay, Cream, I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions, and if you answer them right, nobody needs to get hurt."
"Are you threatening us?" Shadow asked with a frown.
"I dunno, am I?" The badger shot back. "First question! Do you, or any of your friends, have any intention of eating my brains, killing me, brainwashing me, raping me, dissecting me, or doing any other sort of unpleasant and/or horrible things to me?"
"What? Of course we aren't!" Amy protested.
"I wasn't asking you, I was asking Cream!" The badger snapped.
"N-no, we aren't!" Cream stammered, frightened.
The badger relaxed marginally. "Okay, that's good. Can always count on Cream to tell the truth… Like a universal constant sort of thing…" Her eyes narrowed. "Unless… She's actually a horrible monster who read my mind and KNEW I was expecting her to say that she was Cream!"
"But… I can't read minds," said a confused Cream.
"Which is exactly what someone who could but wants me to think she can't would say!" The badger shouted triumphantly.
"… Am I the only one who's confused here?" Asked a dumbfounded Knuckles.
"No, we're all feeling it," Rouge assured him.
"Oh, good, I was worried it was just me," the echidna said in relief.
"But really, I can't read your mind!" Cream protested.
"She's right, she can't," Shadow confirmed.
"Oh, we'll see about that! Cream, what number am I thinking?" The badger demanded.
The rabbit blinked. "… I've absolutely no idea."
"Aha! Trick question! I wasn't thinking of any number at all!" the badger declared. "… Which you didn't know… Which means you really must not be able to read my mind… UNLESS-"
"Can we just move on before this becomes an endless loop of suspicion and paranoia?" Asked an exasperated Mighty.
"I'll never stop being paranoid! But I see your point. Okay, next question! Have you or anyone else here ever seen someone who looks like me before?" The badger asked.
Cream frowned. "I… Don't think so?"
"Though now that I think about it, didn't we see someone who looked like her at the most recent Olympic Games?" Tails vaguely recalled.
The badger snorted. "Me, at a sporting event? Please! Everyone knows those are just fronts for the wealthy and powerful to drain the vitality of athletes and spectators through complex machinery hidden beneath the stadiums to replenish their own waning life force!"
"Really?!" Cream asked in alarm.
"Of course not, that's just paranoid conspiracy gibberish," Rouge said dismissively, frantically texting SOMEBODY KNOWS to an unknown recipient on her phone behind her back.
"Next question!" the badger pressed on. "Is the Fox over there smart?"
"Oh yes, very much so!" Cream assured the badger. "He's probably the smartest of us all!"
Tails blushed. "Well, I don't like to brag…"
"Good," the badger said, stomping over, removing the device on her right arm, and handing it over to Tails. "I need you to fix this ASAP."
Tails frowned as he examined the contraption. "What is it? It's design looks… Familiar…"
The badger smirked. "Well, it should, because you made it! Well, my Tails made it, anyway."
"Your Tails?" Mighty asked in confusion.
The badger nodded. "Yeah, I'm from a parallel universe, with friends sort of like some of you guys, but totally different. Most of you don't even exist in my world!"
"A parallel universe? Is the me in that world with the Sonic of yours?" Amy asked hopefully.
Sonic groaned. "Amy, do we really need to-"
"Wait, you mean you aren't with yours?" The badger asked in surprise, startling all them.
"… She's from a universe where Sonic and Amy are a couple," a disbelieving Vector said slowly.
"Truly it must be the worst of all possible worlds," Espio said deadpan.
"Hey!" Amy snapped.
"It's not that bad!" the badger said defensively. "Well, depending on which part of the fanbase you ask."
"Huh?" Said the confused Knuckles.
"Nevermind, you wouldn't understand," the badger said. She snickered. "Heh, that's practically another universal constant, Knuckles not understanding stuff."
The echidna scowled. "Great, now people from other dimensions are making fun of me…"
"Aw, don't take it too bad, big guy, given that you figured that out right away, you've already proven you're MUCH smarter than my Knuckles!" The badger assured him. Knuckles perked up slightly at this.
"Wait, so the me of your world is really with the Amy there?" Asked a dumbfounded Sonic. "… Is he clinically insane or something?"
"I must ask the same thing," Blaze agreed.
"Oh come on!" Amy snapped.
"Well, they're together, but they're not together together, you know?" The badger said with a shrug. "Like, they're totally together, and everyone can see that they're together, but they very loudly deny it when pressed on the subject, even to themselves? That sort of thing?"
"Oh, so like on TV, then," Vector said.
"You are more right than you know, giant crocodile," the badger said sagely.
"I don't believe we got your name, miss…?" Shadow asked cautiously.
"Sticks. Sticks the Badger," the badger introduced herself. "Don't bother telling me who you are, I've already met other versions of you in countless other realities." She frowned and squinted at Mighty. "Except that guy. I've absolutely no idea who he is."
Mighty sighed. "Somehow, that doesn't surprise me."
"Anyway, I'll be out of your hair as soon as your Tails here can fix my interdimensional Whosits," Sticks continued.
"Interdimensional… Oh! This device allows you to travel to other universes!" Tails realized, eyes widening in surprise. "Which must be where that portal you fell through came from!"
Sticks nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. Unfortunately, I can't get back home since that thing's busted, and I need it fixed FAST, because my friends need me!"
"Something big going down back in your world?" Shadow asked.
"Ha! 'Something big,' he says! More like my world's been caught up in an inter-universal mega crisis crossover event for like the second time now!" Sticks said with a laugh.
"Oh, like in comic books?" Charmy asked, intrigued.
The badger chuckled. "Small annoying insect, you have no idea. Basically, the Dr. Eggman of my world got invited to an evil mad scientist team up with the Dr. Eggman of another world, along with some other guys from other universes like Dr. Wily, Dr. Cortex, Dr. Nefarious, some giant monkey head called Andross… Oh, and though he wasn't actually a mad scientist, they decided to bring in an evil robot named Sigma for some reason."
Amy glanced at Omega. "Sigma, huh? Any relation?"
"UNLIKELY. E-118-SIGMA-WAS-TERMINATED-BY-SONIC-YEARS-AGO," Omega reported.
Sonic cringed at that. "Oops. Um, sorry?"
"DON'T-BE. HE-WAS-KIND-OF-A-DICK," Omega said dismissively.
"To stop them, we had to team up with other heroes and countless alternate versions of ourselves from all over the multiverse in an epic adventure so massive that, if published in comic book format, would require a whole year to tell, with so many spinoffs and tie-ins only tangentially related to the core plot that you'd need to wait for the overpriced trade paperback to come out to make sense of it all!" Sticks continued.
"Or, alternatively, you could just buy every issue when it comes out," Tails suggested.
"Yeah, but who has that kind of money?" Espio wondered. Tails, Cream, Blaze, Shadow, and Rouge all raised their hands. The chameleon scowled. "Oh, right. Forgot not everyone is as dirt poor as us."
"And just when we thought we had the coalition of madmen beat, it turned out they were all being manipulated by a diabolical team up of Bowser and Ganondorf!" Sticks said dramatically. She paused. "Err, wait, do you guys know who they are?"
"Yes," Knuckles replied.
"Good, just checking. Anyway, thanks to our unwitting efforts, the two Big Bads were able to put into motion a plan so massive and far-reaching it would allow them to reshape the entire multiverse in their image!" Sticks continued. "After an amazing description-defying quest across countless universes, gathering a massive Army of allies to help us along the way, we were finally able to march on their stronghold as they were putting the final touches on their doomsday device, and just as the final battle began…" She scowled. "My dimensional traveling doohickey got busted and dropped me off here! That's why I need it fixed pronto to get back in the fray, there's no telling how my friends are doing without me!"
"Don't worry," Tails said. "I finished my cursory examination of this device while you were expositing, and I think I have everything I need to fix it. I'll just need a few minutes."
"Okay, but I'm not sure we HAVE a few minutes," Sticks said ominously. "If Bowser and Ganondorf activate their superweapon, all of us will be annihilated in a heartbeat!"
"This sounds pretty serious," said a concerned Mighty.
"Giant epic crossover crises usually are," Vector said.
"Is there anything we can do?" Sonic asked urgently.
"When Tails finishes fixing your device, we could come back with you," Blaze offered.
Charmy groaned. "Do we have to? We just finished the last big adventure! And this one sounds even worse!"
"From what Sticks says, it sounds as if the entire multiverse is in jeopardy," Shadow said firmly. "We can't just stand by and do nothing while others fight in our place."
Cream nodded in agreement. "Yes, it's the right thing to do!"
Seeing the looks of agreement on everyone else's faces, Sticks started sniffling and had to wipe away a tear. "That's… You guys would come help me out, even though you just met me, right on the heels of your last big adventure? Heh, what am I saying, of course you would! My guys would do the same…"
"While we wait for Tails to finish fixing your machine, would you like something to eat?" Amy asked congenially. "We were having a victory celebration after completing the aforementioned big adventure, so we've got plenty to go around."
"Thanks but no thanks, I have no way of knowing whether the food of your dimension is compatible with my physiology," Sticks refused.
"MY-SCANNERS-INDICATE-YOU-SHOULD-BE-ABLE-TO-EAT-ANYTHING-HERE-WITHOUT-ANY-PROBLEMS," Omega told her.
Sticks snorted. "Yeah, like I'm going to believe anything a robot tells me!"
Omega glared at her. "RACIST."
"Hey Silver, you coming with us?" Sonic asked the psychic hedgehog.
"No thanks, I have to embark on my own mission, now that you've given me all the information I need," Silver said apologetically.
"Yeah, but you're a time traveler! Can't you just come with us, and then go off once we're done?" Vector asked the time traveler.
Silver shook his head. "I dare not risk it. The fabric of space and time, your very own pasts, hangs in the balance, after all."
"What's he talking about?" Sticks asked.
"In the middle of our party, Silver appeared and told us that his nemesis Eggman Nega was going to travel back into our own pasts to undo the events which led us to become heroes, allowing him to take over the world with greater ease in the future," Espio explained.
"So we've been telling him – – and by extension, each other – – our backstories, so he knows what to do to make sure our timelines remain intact," Knuckles continued.
Sticks stared at them incredulously. "Wait, seriously?! You just gave away something important like that?!"
"Well, why wouldn't we? Silver is our friend," Cream said innocently.
"For a given definition of 'friend,'" Shadow muttered.
"How do you know that's really Silver? For all you know, he could be a time traveling robot sent back by this Nega guy to trick you into telling him your secrets so he knows with better accuracy what to undo!" Sticks shouted.
"IMPLAUSIBLE. MY-SENSORS-INDICATE-THAT-HIS-BIORHYTHMIC-DATA-MATCHES-WHAT-MY-FILES-HAVE-FOR-SILVER-THE-HEDGEHOG," Omega argued.
Sticks snorted. "Oh yeah, because technology in the future TOTALLY wouldn't have advanced enough to fool a robot from this time period! And even if he's not a robot, that doesn't mean he's not some shapeshifting alien spy!"
"I'm totally not a shapeshifter, honest," Silver said quickly.
"Which is exactly what a shapeshifter WOULD say!" Sticks said skeptically. "And even if he really IS the real Silver, how do you know he isn't being brainwashed into prying all this information out of you? Or that he's even telling the truth about what he needs it for in the first place? I mean, I'd expect something like that from Knuckles, but not the rest of you!"
"Hey!" Knuckles protested.
"Knuckles, we all know she's right," Espio said flatly.
"...Yeah, I know," Knuckles agreed with a sigh.
"Mr. Silver would never do that!" Cream protested.
"Yeah, he would never lie to us about something this important!" Charmy agreed.
"… Actually, hasn't he lied to us about things like this constantly?" Blaze said slowly.
There was a pause, and then everyone turned to look suspiciously at Silver. "G-guys, don't listen to her! She's clearly a crazy paranoid conspiracy theorist!" Silver stammered in alarm. "Yes, I admit that I may have… Misled you a few times in the past…"
"That's ONE word for it," Rouge growled.
"But I'm totally on the level this time!" Silver insisted.
"Yeah, but that's what you say EVERY time you lied to us!" Amy pointed angrily.
Silver swallowed. "Well, yes, but… are you really willing to risk something as important as your own pasts on the slim chance that I am, in fact, deceiving you?"
They considered this for a moment. "He makes a good point," Mighty said grudgingly.
Espio sighed. "Yeah, I guess we really can't risk something this big…"
"Fine," Rouge grumbled. "But if it turns out that you ARE lying to us again, the next time you show up, things might not go… Very pleasantly for you."
Silver gulped. "Duly noted."
Sticks rolled her eyes. "Well, if you guys really, REALLY want to trust this guy, that's on you. Me, I'm not stupid enough to ever fall for something like that! There's no way I'm telling him, or anyone else, my origin story!"
"That's all right, I don't need to hear your origin story," Silver assured her.
Sticks shot Silver a glare. "What? Why not? Are you saying my origin story isn't good enough for you or something?!"
"Wh-what? No! I don't need to hear your origin story, because I've already collected the stories of everyone else that I needed. I don't think Eggman Nega even knows you exist, your past isn't in jeopardy from him!" Silver insisted.
Sticks narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Or so you SAY. Don't try anything funny with me, FYOO-CHUUR boy, I'm on to you! I'm too smart to fall for your reverse psychology tricks!"
"I'm not trying to trick you!" Silver protested desperately. "I honestly don't need to hear your story!"
"Oh! Well, okay then," Sticks said, relaxing.
Silver sighed in relief.
A moment passed in silence.
And then Sticks shouted, "All right! ALL RIGHT! I give! Damn you, your mind games are too good! Whatever they teach you in psy-ops in the future is way beyond anything I've been trained to resist! I'll tell you my story! And besides, this is probably what the readers wanted anyway."
"Wait, what?!" Spluttered the dumbfounded Silver. "But, but I wasn't-"
"All right, everybody! Listen up!" Sticks declared, ignoring Silver's feeble protests and the amused snickering of everyone else. "I'm only going to say this once, so don't miss any of it, because I'm not gonna repeat myself! I'm going to tell you the story of how I, Sticks the Badger, came to be!"
…
And done! Phew, that took longer to finish than I expected. Then again, I've been dealing with a few things lately…
Anyway, looks like Sticks the Badger will tell our next story. There's no point in voting now, because the only origin left after this will be Fang's. Thank you all for sticking with me for this long, because (hopefully) it won't be much longer before we're done. We're in the home stretch, now! Only a couple more chapters before I'm done…and after that, who knows where I'll go?
