THE NAME GAME
CHAPTER 10
Disclaimer: Look at Prologue
Philip Reginald Kelso-Hyde
Jackie sighed. It was a good name, but no way in hell was she giving her kid the nickname 'Phil'. It screamed for bullies to take his lunch money.
Thirty two weeks meant only eight more to go. Jackie was over her head with boredom. She was at the Forman's, watching Casablanca with Kitty and Red. Kitty was sighing every time something romantic happened, while Red grunted with annoyance.
"Oh Red," Kitty would say, every time the older man tried to make a comment on how "Eric" the man seemed to be sometimes.
"Such a sad movie," Kitty sighed, shaking her head
"Can we watch Wizard of Oz next?" Jackie asked excitedly
"Oh, it's not on today," Kitty said, smiling nervously, "But The Longest Yard is! Oh Red!"
"That Burt Reynolds is such a tragedy to the real men out there," Red said, shaking his head, "Only a loser plays football in prison,"
"You're missing the point of the story, Red," Kitty said gently
"What point?" Red asked, "I swear, I think anyone is better then Burt Reynolds in that movie. Even a scrawny egghead would be better suited for his part!"
"Well now, that's not true," Kitty said, "Burt Reynolds is a-" She sighed, "Just amazing like that Clint Eastwood,"
"Oh Clint," Jackie sighed, thinking of Clint as well. There had been a point in her life where she was strongly convinced that she was going to marry Clint. Then Michael had shown up and wiped away her visions of Mrs. Eastwood. Stupid Kelso.
Clint Reginald Kelso-Hyde.
She grinned
"What do you think of Clint?" Jackie asked, "For the baby?"
"Clint?" Kitty asked, "After that handsome Clint Eastwood?"
"Clint Kelso-Hyde," Jackie said cheerfully
"His real name is Clinton, you know?" Kitty pointed out, "So it'd be Clinton Kelso-Hyde,"
"Good God, no," Red said, scowling, "That's as bad as naming the kid Cary,"
"Oh Cary!" Kitty said, "Boy oh boy, that Cary Grant sure excites me!" She laughed loudly.
"His real name's Archibald," Red told her
"Yeah, don't name him Cary," Kitty agreed
"Oh, I suppose you're right," Jackie said, sighing, "Can we watch a Clint Eastwood movie?"
"Thank god you didn't suggest Humphrey," Red said, shaking his head
Jackie smiled,a little dazed.
Humphrey Kelso-Hyde
She sighed. It may work on Humphrey Bogart, but for her kid, it would be like Phil. She could see the bullies lining up just to punch him in the eye.
"Dirty Harry's on!" Kitty said, and quickly changed the channel, watching the screen avidly. Jackie joined her, smiling.
John Reginald Kelso-Hyde
Jackie's celebrity fixation began with a drawling cowboy that went by the name of Clint and ended with McCartney of the Beatles. (Yes, Paul's last name, not his first). Some of the odder ones in between included Valentine,
Now, she had settled on John, as in John Lennon, Jon Bon Jovi, Johnny Ramone, and many other famous Johns. She knew perfectly well that not all these Johns were spelled the same way as hers, but she didn't care.
She was settled. John was to be his name. She knew Steven would approve, because of Lennon and Ramone. Kelso's opinion didn't matter as much, because she knew that Kelso would be mad at any name they chose because she was adamant on not naming their kid 'Bruiser'.
She started to hum John Jacob Jingleheimer Schimdt. Suddenly she frowned.
That was such a stupid song, and she didn't want Baby to be associated with it. Even though Jackie had six more weeks to ponder the matter, she was tired of constantly second guessing the baby's name. First, though, she'd ask Red. He was a good person when it came to the perfect baby name. Except for his own (i.e. Eric), but that was Kitty's fault, they both silently agreed.
"Red's not there," Bob said cheerfully, greeting Jackie when she asked why the Forman house was empty, "Kitty's father had a heart attack, so they're with him right now,"
"Oh," Jackie said, sad, "Is Donna home?"
"No," Bob sighed, "She went with Eric. It's just lonely old me in this big ol' house,"
"Well, I could use some company," Jackie said, knowing what Bob was after, "I'm actually a little hungry,"
"Me too!" Bob said, cheerful, "I'm going to grill some steak. Would you and the boys be my guests?"
"Steak?" Jackie asked, her mouth watering, "That sounds good to me, and I have a feeling Michael and Steven will think the same way."
"Well, come on in," Bob said, letting a very fat Jackie sit down, "You want a magazine or anything while I grill the meat?" He asked, wanting to be a good host
"Seventeen is fine," Jackie said, "Even that lumberjack you call a daughter might have some lying around,"
"Here," Bob said, wanting to please the difficult pregnant Jackie, "Anything else?" he asked eagerly
"What do you think of Jon?" Jackie asked, "J-O-H-N?"
"For the baby's name?" Bob asked, "Sounds very nice,"
Jackie sighed, "John Kelso-Hyde,"
"I think the first name should probably be a little longer," Bob admitted, "What's the middle name?"
"Reginald," Jackie said, "After Red. I'm planning on nicknaming him Little Red, maybe,"
"Little Red?" Bob's voice cracked, "That's so cute!"
"Don't tell Red," Jackie said, grinning, "He doesn't know yet,"
"How about Robert Reginald? Or Reginald Robert?" Bob asked, "I'd sure like to have my name next to Red's. Cause you know we live next to each other and all,"
Robert Reginald Kelso-Hyde
Reginald Robert Kelso-Hyde
Jackie was amazed.
"Oh my god, Bob," Jackie said, "You may have stumbled onto the most perfect name ever!" She clapped her hands excitedly, and Baby kicked a little.
"Really?" Bob asked
"Steven won't like it though," Jackie admitted
"You could always put in one of Steven's names with ours," Bob suggested
"Four names?" Jackie asked, "Bob, you're such a genius! That's probably the first time you've heard that," Jackie joked lightly
"No," Bob shook his head, "Red tells me that all the time,"
"I bet he does," Jackie admitted, giggling a little.
Dallas Kelso-Hyde.
Jackie made a face. Way too original.
Hyde and Kelso were now living full time in the apartment, worried Jackie might need to go to the hospital early.
Dallas was too much spice, Jackie admitted, thinking to herself.
She had only four more weeks left before Baby came out.
Jared Kelso Hyde
Jackie sighed. No more 'J' names.
"Hey babe," Steven walked in and kissed her on the cheer, "How's the baby?"
"He's fine, but I can't think of a good name," Jackie sighed
"How about Ramone?" Steven suggested
Ramone Robert Reginald Kelso-Hyde
Jackie gave him a look, "No," Too many 'R's. And she knew Steven wouldn't like Robert Reginald for the middle name. But who cares?
"Why?" Hyde asked
"Too foreign," Jackie said after thinking for a few seconds, "And no more suggestions!"
"Fine," Steven laughed, "You're cute when you're fat,"
"No fat comments either!" Jackie added
"Fine," Steven smirked, "You're cute when you get all bossy,"
"Really?" Jackie asked
"I think it's the preggers glow," Steven added thoughtfully
Jackie hit him lightly, "You should be nicer to your wife, Mr. Hyde. After all, I have to go through the next few weeks being Mrs. Hyde,"
"What kind of punishment is that, compared to mine, being married to a pregnant wife and not being able to do her except once before the marriage?"
"That was a good night," Jackie said thoughtfully, "You certainly knew some stuff," She laughed
"You're no slouch yourself," Steven said, giving Jackie a lewd smirk that made her blush.
The tension was fresh in the air and both teenagers struggled to stop from ripping off the other one's clothes.
"Hey guys," Eric walked in with Donna, grinning, "Did you know that Donna's double jointed?"
"Eric, stop," Donna said, crabby, "Do you guys have any milk?" She added, curious
"In the fridge," Jackie said, grateful that they had come in. Otherwise she and Steven would be rolling around on the bed. Baby wouldn't appreciate that.
Desmond Robert Reginald Kelso Hyde
Jackie chuckled. Desi Arnez was one of her favorite characters on 'I Love Lucy'. Lucille Ball however, was Number 1. Jackie had been a big fan of hers for years.
Desmond didn't seem quite right though But the seven letter combination seemed right. Also she liked the names that started with 'D' too.
Three weeks to go. Jackie's father was visiting again, and they were all sitting down for dinner. Kitty had made roast chicken with mashed potatoes and the soft carrots that Red liked.
Jack was sitting at the head of the table where Red traditionally sat. Annoyed, Red took Kitty's seat at the other end. Kitty sat next to Red, smiling nervously and looking as if she'd break out into fake laughter any second. Jackie sat next to her father, Hyde on the other side and Micheal next to him. Fez was next to Hyde, a little afraid to talk since Jack had glared at him. Eric was next to his tittering mother, Donna opposite of him, with a nervous Bob in between her and Red.
"So, Jackie, what is the baby's gender?" Jack asked
"It's a boy, Daddy," Jackie said firmly
"I do like the idea of naming my grandson Jack Junior," Jack said, relishing in that name.
"I'm not naming him Jack Junior," Jackie said
"Jackson then," Jack said, "Still a strapping name for a boy,"
"His name is not Jackson either," Jackie said, "I'm going to name him something that doesn't have your name in it, Daddy,"
"Oh," Jack frowned
Kelso was unsure whether to tell the angry pregnant woman to shut up or be quiet as the equally angry older man chomped his carrots.
"How far along are you again?" Jack asked
"Thirty seven weeks," Jackie said, "I just saw Dr. Sharp yesterday and she says I should start looking at hospital rooms, and mapping out a birth plan, if he's premature,"
"Your mother had you born without any of that hospital nonsense," Jack scoffed, "Pam, she had you born with a midwife,"
"No wife of mine is birthing our baby at home," Hyde said coldly, setting down the fork, speaking in measured tones.
"She's not going to be your wife too long," Jack said, "Jackie, after you annul this fellow, I want you back home. A nanny will care for it and you will go back to school and attract a rich fellow like Adrian-"
Jackie stood up, annoyed, "Daddy, I love you, but no! I don't like Adrian. I don't want a nanny. My baby is not an 'it'!" She was breathing hard and Hyde stood up, holding her gently, "And, and, I refuse to move back in that museum you think of as a home,"
"Are you on pregnant hormones?" Jack asked, "And you will not defy your father,"
"Well, she's my wife, and she has a greater duty to me," Hyde countered, "She isn't yours to control and I give her the freedom to decide what she wants,"
Jackie smiled, "And Daddy, I am not going to annul Hyde. Unless he wants me to," She added in a whisper
Hyde smiled, "Not a chance, babe. I'm devoted to you and this little baby inside you,"
"Um, dessert anyone?" Kitty asked, laughing nervously.
Dennis Robert Reginald Kelso Hyde
Jackie sighed. She'd gone over a million and a half D names it seemed. None were quite perfect for her baby. Dennis was one of these imperfect names.
Thirty eight weeks and Jackie was bored.
They decided that the baby would be born at Mercy East, where Kitty worked. Jackie and Hyde both were unanimous in their decision to have Jackie completely drugged when it came time for Baby to be born.
"Hey," Hyde greeted Jackie, kissing her on the forehead, "How's my two favorite people?" He was more affectionate around Jackie when she least expected it. Jackie was sure it was because she snapped at people more often these days and Hyde knew that being affectionate would save him from her wrath.
"My bladder feels as used as Eric's dolls," Jackie said, "Damn it, I need to pee again!"
"Amazing how you burn people left and right these days," Hyde smiled, "I'll help you," He walked over
"I don't need help!" She said, annoyed, "I can do it, and stop being weird,"
"Weird?" Hyde asked
"Yeah," Jackie said, "You haven't burned me since I gained that last pound. Oh my god," She began to weep, "You pity me don't you? You think I'm too fat to mock!"
Hyde laughed, "No Jackie, I was just trying to keep you happy and less uncomfortable for the next two weeks,"
"Well don't," Jackie said, "I miss you burning me, then I get to come with creative comebacks"
"Fine," He smiled, "I'll burn you after you pee,"
"Thank you," Jackie smiled and kissed him on the cheek, "Did you bring food?" She added, getting into the bathroom
"Your favorite, pasta," Hyde said, "I threatened a few geeks in Home Ec to make it for my plumpy wife,"
"Oh God," Jackie moaned, "I'm plumpy!" She began to cry and Hyde groaned,
"See, when I burn you, you just cry and I hate girls crying,"
"You have a point," Jackie admitted and began to sob more, "I'm so fat, that I can't get up!"
"You need help?" Hyde asked
"Wait," She commanded and flushed the toilet first, "Now, you can come in," She was wiping her tears, "I'm sorry, I tend to be really hormonal these days,"
"Jacks," Hyde smiled, "You may be fatter then a hippo, but you are still really hot. Any guy would be lucky for the chance to do you,"
Jackie sniffled and smiled, as Hyde helped her up, "Thank you," She said grateful.
"Anything for my wife," He said kindly
"Where's Kelso?" Jackie asked, toddling out of the bathroom
"Get on the couch, babe," Hyde said quickly, "Doc said bed rest for you,"
"Get my food and tell me where the possible moron of a father of this baby is,"
"Kelso's at the Forman's. He's helping Eric plan his proposal to Donna," Hyde stopped, "I shouldn't have said that,"
"Eric's proposing? Again?" She asked, "But that's not good. Donna and I were just talking. She said that she's going to dump Eric's sorry ass,"
"Why?" Hyde asked
"Because Eric's a moron," She said simply, "And that she caught him kissing another girl,"
"No," Hyde shook his head, "The girl kissed Eric because she was trying to make me jealous and Donna walked in on them with me. She's punishing Eric, but no solid plans of breaking up have been reported," Hyde groaned, "Oh and the ring's like two karats," He frowned, "I sound like a girl,"
"Ohh," Jackie smiled, "Soo, Eric's proposing huh?"
"Bet you Donna says no?" Hyde asked
"You're on," Jackie shook his hand, "That lumberjack has a thing for Eric I find beyond creepy, plus no girl can turn down a ring, even if it involves Eric,"
"I bet," Hyde said and Jackie leaned against him, inhaling his smell that she now thought of as Steven.
"Peppermint," She sighed, "If it's a girl, how about Peppermint?"
"Not while I'm alive or dead," Hyde said, "And Kelso and I were talking about this,"
"Oh?" Jackie asked
Hyde nodded.
"If it's a girl, we want to name her Chloe Gabrielle," Hyde said honestly
"That's pretty," Jackie whispered, "But no. And it doesn't matter, it's a he,"
"If it's a she, it's going to be a pretty manly she, like Donna," Hyde said
"Don't worry," Jackie smiled, "Better a manly she like Donna then an effeminate he like Eric. And this baby is not effeminate,"
"I trust you, but if I hate your name, I'm going to tell you because our baby has to live with this name," Hyde said, "And Kelso might do the same thing,"
"You'll like it, you and Kelso both," Jackie said, grinning.
Dougray Robert Reginald Kelso Hyde
It was close. Jackie knew. So close to being perfection.
Something wasn't right though.
Time was running out. She had only three more days until Baby came and announced his presence to the world.
Hyde and Kelso treated her like a bag of weed. They wouldn't let her do anything and made her just sit there, out of her mind until she had the first sign that baby was coming.
Jackie looked up at the screen. Eric had been watching the History Channel at their place, because there was a special about Star Wars. No one had bothered to change it and Jackie just stared at the screen, too lazy to change it.
"Frederick Douglass is one of the most important black abolitionists of the eighteen hundreds," Some boring woman was saying.
Jackie smiled. Douglass, that was a pretty name. Not as common as the one with only one s.
Douglass Robert Reginald Kelso Hyde.
Jackie's eyes widened.
"Dougie," She whispered, "Douglass,"
It was perfect.
What's more was that her underwear was wet. Really wet. Her water had broken.
"Steven! Michael!" Jackie screamed, "He's coming!"
"What?" Hyde came in, followed by Michael, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, my water broke. We need to go to the hospital and deliver this baby,"
"But he's got three more days," Michael said, confused
"Doc said that he might come a little early," Jackie explained, "Lets go boys, and see our Douglass,"
"Douglass?" Hyde asked, smiling
"Douglass Robert Reginald Kelso-Hyde," Jackie grinned, "Dougie for short,"
"I like it," Kelso grinned, "Dougie Kelso-Hyde, sounds like a cute kid,"
"And Douglass sounds like a nice man that loves his parents, but isn't a total mama's boy and has a really cool job and a nice girlfriend," Jackie said, "Plus there's two 's's so it's more original,"
"Let's go and see our Dougie," Hyde mumbled, helping her toward the direction of the car.
Fin.
----------------------------------------------------
That's the last chapter. This is where our journey ends.
There is an epilogue though, if anyone wants me to post it.
I don't need any more names dropped, but thank you all for your help for the naming of Jackie's kid. No one suggested Douglass, so that just made me a little happier.
Please review. I guess that's all I can say.
