Let's pretend Barry never created Flashpoint for this prompt. Enjoy!
Caitlin sighed to herself as she stared at her reflection. No amount of makeup would cover the deep, dark circles under her eyes, the result of barely any sleep for the past two weeks. She was practically relying on coffee to keep her awake, needing the caffeine to get her through the day. She wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to do this. Running on barely any sleep wasn't doing her body any good.
Keeping her nightmares a secret wasn't helping, either.
It had started the night she escaped from Zoom's clutches, her body wracked with nerves as she hurried to Star Labs. She had expected Zoom to run after her, not believing that he would truly let her go. But he did, and she was safe and sound. Except she didn't feel safe. Every time Barry sped into the cortex, she would jump and hold in the gasp that desperately wanted to escape. She knew it was her best friend and not Hunter Zolomon, but it still terrified her. She hated living in fear.
Scratch that.
She despised it.
Gripping the edge of the sink with her trembling hands, Caitlin released a breath, gently shutting her eyes in hopes she could stop her racing heart. You're okay, she thought. He's not here. He's gone. He can't hurt you anymore. Tears involuntarily pooled in her eyes. "Damn it," she muttered, sniffling. Rapid knocking had her jumping in her place, whirling around at an impressive speed.
"Cait!" Came Cisco's voice, a tinge of desperation in his voice. "Could you hurry up? I have to pee!"
She quickly made work of getting herself together, dabbing her eyes and hoping that he wouldn't notice the redness. Releasing one last breath, she grabbed the doorknob and twisted, pulling the door open. Cisco was yanking her outside and shoving himself in before she could blink. Caitlin couldn't stop herself from cracking a smile, albeit a minuscule one. Leave it to Cisco to always bring the humor.
When was the last time she laughed, actually felt free? She honestly couldn't remember, and that frightened her. She might occasionally laugh at a joke Cisco would crack, but it was always almost humorless. The other's didn't notice.
With it being an uneventful day and surprisingly quiet one- knock on wood- Caitlin thought it was best if she went home. She highly doubted she would get any sleep, but the least she could do was just relax in comfy pajamas.
"Guys, I'm gonna head home." She announced to those in the Cortex. Barry and Iris. They stopped conversing and turned their attention to Caitlin, who offered them a smile. Fake. "Uh, just call me if you need anything." But please don't need anything.
She was already walking out of the Cortex and down the hall when Barry caught up with her, thankfully not using his speed. He gently grabbed her arm to stop her, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Are you okay, Cait?"
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" She questioned innocently, hoping the smile she was giving him was convincing. "I'm just tired and thought I'd get some rest."
He nodded, though his eyebrows were still scrunched together. Caitlin could tell he was holding something back with the way he shoveled his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, his shoulders almost up to his ears. Something was on his mind, that much she could tell. "Are you okay?" She questioned in return. "Are things still okay between you and Iris?"
It had been quite a surprise when it was revealed that Barry and Iris's relationship, although short lived, had ended. Barry had been in love with this woman his entire life and was thrilled when they finally got together. But after a few short weeks they were over. They were of course still best friends, but it was still a surprise. What had happened to make Barry no longer harbor those intense feelings for Iris West?
"Oh, no, we're totally fine. We're better off as friends, family. She's my sister and always will be." He bit his lower lip, his face suddenly twisting into one of discomfort. "But I'm worried."
"About?" She pressed.
"You."
Taken aback, Caitlin blinked and let out a nervous laugh, wishing she could borrow Barry's speed and run home. "Me? W-Why would you be worried about me. I'm fine. Totally fine."
"Yeah, because that was totally believable." He muttered, giving her a look. "Come on, Cait, you can tell me if something's bothering you. You think I don't notice how you nearly jump out of your seat when I speed into the lab? Or how you drink five cups of coffee a day just to stay awake?" He gently grabbed placed his hands on her shoulders, involuntarily rubbing his thumbs onto the soft fabric of her shirt. "I think I know what's going on, but I want you to tell me."
"Being tired and jumpy doesn't mean there's something wrong." She stepped back and allowed his hands to fall from her shoulders. "We have a very stressful job and sometimes I need caffeine to keep me going. Big whoop."
"Caitlin, I-"
"Just," she pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes briefly and releasing a sigh. "don't say anything, okay? I'm tired and want to go home. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Barry could only stand back and watch her hurry out of Star Labs, the pain she was dealing with clearly hidden behind the smile she gave everyone. He knew it was fake. The smile she put on display for her friends didn't reach her eyes.
He missed the one that did.
Xxx
Waking up in a cold sweat with her heart pounding was how Caitlin found herself at Star Labs, taking advantage of the empty Cortex. She had managed to get two hours of sleep before the nightmare struck again, the same one she had been having two weeks in a row. It ended the same every time, with the slaughter of her friends as she's forced to watch, Zoom cackling at her pain.
Her heart clenched painfully at the thought of losing all her friends, her family. Despite Zoom being gone, Caitlin was still being haunted by his presence. With every closed door came the fear that he was hiding behind it, ready to jump out and attack without a moment's notice. She knew that fear of hers was irrational, seeing as how Zoom was gone. She had witnessed the Time Wraith capturing Hunter herself. He couldn't hurt her, couldn't hurt her friends.
Yet he was.
Though she knew she wasn't going back to sleep, Caitlin still needed a caffeine fix. She put on the water and leaned back against the counter in the small kitchen, tilting her head back as she closed her eyes. She felt so exhausted, completely drained of energy. All she wanted was a nightmare free night. Eight hours of sleep. Was that too much to ask? Tears bubbled to the surface, and she quickly wiped her eyes to prevent them from leaking. Her emotions were all over the place, so out of control. She hated it.
"Cait?"
Gasping in surprising, her hand clutching her chest, she whirled around and came face to face with Barry. Adorned in sweats, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he stepped fully into the kitchen and approached his friend. "What are you doing here so late?"
"I-I couldn't sleep," she replied, hoping he couldn't see the remnants of tears in her eyes. "What are you doing here?"
He shrugged. "Same as you, I guess. I figured I could come here and get some training in, tire me out."
Caitlin nodded and thought Barry would walk away and head to the speed lab. But he remained rooted in his place, continued to stare at her. She had a small idea of what was running through his mind, but didn't want to acknowledge it. So she ignored his piercing gaze and poured the steaming hot water into her mug once the tea kettle whistled.
She let out a sigh once she realized he wasn't going anywhere. "Barry, I really don't want to talk about it. Just go train."
"I can't. Not when you're clearly hurting." He inched forward and rested his hand on her arm, reassuring her with this simple gesture that he was there. That she could talk to him. "I'm worried about you."
"You have no reason to be. I'm fine."
"You're lying."
Caitlin's grip tightened around her mug, her knuckles turning white. "Barry, I'm begging you...j-just stop. Please." Why was he doing this to her? Why couldn't he let this go and leave her alone?
He could feel her pulling away from him, both physically and emotionally. He tightened his grip ever so lightly. "Cait, please talk to me. I know something is wrong, and you're obviously keeping it to yourself." His frown deepened as he gently traced the bags under her eyes with the pad of his thumb. "How long has it been since you slept?"
Caitlin gulped, swallowing the lump in her throat as tears pricked her eyes. "I'm fine." She croaked.
"You're not. And you haven't been since," he broke off, eyes filled with nothing but despair and helplessness. "not since Zoom."
"Stop it."
"You're suffering in silence and won't let anyone help you. But you can't do that anymore, Cait. You'll never heal if you do." Unsure if she would push him away or run herself, he gently cupped her cheek, heart breaking as he watched a tear roll down her cheek. "Please talk to me. Talk to Cisco, even Joe. Just talk to someone. Please, Cait."
"I'm afraid," she choked out, unable to hold it in any longer. If anyone understood what she was going through, it would be Barry. "I'm afraid all the time. W-When I'm home, when I'm in the store... I see him everywhere."
"He's gone, Cait." He murmured, heart clenching. "You're safe."
"Yeah, well, I don't feel safe." Caitlin ignored her sudden trembling hands, racing heart. "I just- I can't take it anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore." She was sobbing now, the mixture of her exhaustion and fear being too much for her fragile self to handle. Barry didn't hesitate in pulling her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her frame so tight. Tears of his own came to the surface, and he gently tucked her head under his chin. He hated how her body was shaking.
He didn't utter a word, just held Caitlin as she finally released everything she had been bottling up. How long would it have taken her to finally talk to someone but what she was going through? Would she have ever talked about had it not been for Barry? He couldn't believe she was going through this by herself, something so traumatic she didn't feel talking about with her best friends. Her family.
Gaining some of her composure back, Caitlin pulled away from the warmth of Barry's hold. She managed a weak smile as she dabbed her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
Barry had to cut in, letting out a small, breathy laugh as he did so. "Don't you dare finish that apology, Cait. Because you have no reason to apologize. If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you." As confusion slid across her face, he continued. "I should've paid more attention to how you were after...you came back."
"You were busy saving the city, Barry. I didn't expect you or anyone to ignore all the meta's just to focus on me." She said. "And then your father died," Caitlin felt bad for bringing up Henry Allen's death, guilt eating her up when Barry bowed his head, but she needed him to understand that none of this was his fault. "My issues just didn't seem relevant. The longer I kept this to myself, that harder it was to bring it up."
"Well, that stops now." He gripped her shoulders, made sure to keep his eyes locked on hers. "No matter what I'm going through, no matter the time, I will always have time for you. Do you understand?"
"I feel like I'm being reprimanded," she couldn't help but mutter.
A look of disbelief crossed Barry's features, and then he was laughing and Caitlin couldn't help but join in.
After weeks without smiling, laughing, being happy, it felt good.
Caitlin wasn't sure how long it would take for her to finally be free of Zoom. But with the support of Barry, her friends, her family, she knew she'd be okay.
