Chapter 12: Outer Turmoil

Some things can't be explained. This past weekend, would be one of those things. Rhonda's bonfire turned into a party. And by party, I mean everyone got drunk, went inside and found a place to make out. Everyone except, of course, me and Arnold. As the seats around us emptied we sat and talked. It was bizarre how Skye had rekindled our weird mess of a friendship. We could sit and talk as though we didn't have any ugly history behind us, and it wouldn't ever get awkward. Hours could, and did, pass in the blink of an eye when we were just hanging out. I still had feelings for Arnold, but I had the willpower to keep them in check. The friendship we shared, and his relationship with Skye, was too important to risk. Or, so I thought.

I heard a tapping at my window on Sunday night, or it could have been Monday morning. It was too late to tell. At first, I was terrified. Creepy tapping at the window so late at night can be a little unnerving. Against my better judgment, I put down the book I was reading and crept over to the window. I could just barely make out Arnold's face in the darkness. I opened the window.

"Crimeny Arnold! Way to almost give me a heart attack. What in the heck are you doing?" I demanded.

"Trying not to wake up your parents, unlike you." He whispered. "Come out."

"Are you crazy?" I asked. He laughed.

"Maybe, are you coming out or not?" I thought.

"Yea, yea. Move over." Arnold slid over, making room for me to climb out onto the fire escape. Without a word he climbed down and waited on the sidewalk for me. I followed him. "Where are we going?" I demanded. He put a finger to his mouth and gestured for me to keep following him. I did. After what seemed like ages of walking we arrived at the park. What I saw was worth sneaking out for. A thousand fireflies were dancing, putting on a breathtaking light show before our eyes.

"Glad you came?" Arnold asked. I nodded.

"It's beautiful." We watched in silence for several minutes.

"I knew someone else had to see it." Arnold broke the silence. I looked at him.

"Why me?" I asked.

"You were just the first person who came to mind." He admitted. I blushed. I hoped it was too dark for him to see. He continued.

"As weird as it sounds, when stuff like this happens, I usually want to call you first." He said it so casually it seemed like it wasn't a romantic thing to say, but it was. And it sent my heart aflutter. I swallowed.

"Why?" As much as I hated it, I wanted to hear more.

"I guess I just don't know anyone else who would appreciate it like you would."

"What about Skye?" Arnold looked at me, then away.

"She would. Just, I don't think as much as you. She's not as much of a… romantic… as you are." He was pulling on my heartstrings. I wished he would stop, I wasn't supposed to feel this way. "Come on," he said finally, "we should get you to bed." I nodded.

When we reached my house I felt relieved. With Arnold gone I would be able to get a grip on myself. His kind words had awoken a beast in me, one I'd kept dormant since I'd become friends with Skye.

"Are you alright, Helga?" Arnold asked as we neared my house. I hadn't realized that I was being unusually quiet.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"You've just been less than responsive." Arnold stated.

"Seriously I'm great. Things that beautiful just leave me sort of speechless." Arnold smiled.

"I knew you'd like it." We reached the fire escape. "Anyway, goodnight Helga."

"Goodnight." I said, eager to be alone with my thoughts. I reached up to grab the ladder and Arnold put his hands on my waist to lift me up. The touch sent shivers up my spine. Just when I thought I was out of the water I slipped on the second rung of the ladder causing me to lose my grip and fall, right onto Arnold. We both hit the ground hard, my body on top of his.

"Jesus!" He yelled. "Helga, are you okay?" I was a little dizzy from the shock, but I suddenly became acutely aware of exactly how close our faces were. I pushed myself off of him in a panic. I had to get away.

"I'm fine football head." I stammered. Unfortunately getting up so fast made my head spin and I ended up falling into the wall, bracing myself with my shoulder. Arnold shot up and came to my side. He held my shoulders as he stared me with worry. In my disoriented state I just stared back, letting all my fantasies play out in my head. His face got closer to mine and I snapped out of my daze. "You have to go." I said, erecting myself. His expression changed to confusion.

"Why?" He asked. I pushed his arms off my shoulders.

"You just do. Now." I grabbed the ladder.

"Let me help you." He put his hands on my waist. I pushed them away.

"No. Please go." I almost begged. He shook his head.

"Helga I don't understand, I just want to make sure you're okay. Did you hit your head?" I began to get angry.

"No. But if you don't turn around and go home now things aren't going to be okay." Arnold grabbed my arms.

"Helga what are you talking about?" I tried to look away. He was almost yelling at me.

"Just go before I do something stupid."

"Like what?" Arnold was really concerned. I couldn't help but fail to keep my urges at bay. My heart screamed yes, and my head screamed no. My heart won, like it always had. I closed the distance between us and our lips made contact. I didn't know exactly what he was thinking, but the kiss lasted for about five seconds before he jumped back, staring at me, eyes wide.

"Like that." I turned and pulled myself up the ladder, without a single word. When I climbed in my window and looked down, Arnold was gone.

Some things just can't be explained.


Picking up Skye at the airport on Monday night was one of the hardest moments of my life. Looking at her smiling face made my heart ache. Three days without her and my life was turned upside down. No matter how I played it out in my head it always ended the same way. I couldn't wrap my mind around last night. Why had I wanted to show Helga the fireflies? Was it because Skye wasn't there? Would I have gone to her even if Skye was? Why had Helga kissed me? And the most foremost thought in my mind, why had I kissed her back? Helga initiated the kiss, we both knew that, but no matter how much I tried to lie to myself, the fact was I kissed her back. And for a split second, it felt right. Like some cosmic force had willed it to be. All I knew for sure was that I couldn't tell Skye. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. Helga, on the other hand, I didn't know about. All I could do was hope that she wouldn't tell.

"I missed you!" Skye said, running up to hug me. I welcomed her with open arms.

"I missed you too." I held her tighter than I ever had before. Her uncle wasn't far behind her.

"Get a room you two." He teased. Skye pulled away from me, blushing. I took her bags and we started walking.

"So how was your weekend?" Skye asked.

"And more importantly, how is my boy?" Her uncle added. I was thankful for his question. It gave me the opportunity to avoid Skye's.

"Good." I said. They both accepted that as an answer. I survived the drive home due to Skye's stories. She talked, I listened. Sort of. Skye's uncle decided to go to my house first to drop me off, and pick up Rutiger. Skye and I waited outside while he went inside.

"Don't you want to hang out?" Skye said with a frown.

"I do," I lied, "but it's already ten. We both need our sleep." She shrugged.

"I guess. I missed you though." She took my hand. "So, do you just want to see each other tomorrow?" I could tell she was disappointed, and I hated being the cause, but I needed some time to compose myself.

"Bright and early." I promised. She sighed. Her uncle came out of my house, dog in tow.

"Goodnight then. I love you." She kissed my cheek. I let go of her hand.

"I love you too." I watched her climb into the passenger seat of the car before disappearing down the street.


As much as I missed my grandparents back home, the entire time I was there all I wanted to do was see Arnold. I guess he didn't share my sentiment. He was so eager to be away from me again after I was back. If that wasn't bad enough, Helga wasn't returning my texts or speaking to me. It was like I was the new kid all over again. By the end of first block the next day I was pissed. He hadn't said a single word to me all class, and when I passed him a note he read it but didn't pass me one back. I know that sounds childish, but it had become so normal that it ate at me. After class I finally confronted him. Everything was downhill from there.

"Arnold we need to talk." I said, grabbing his hand.

"Oh god." Arnold said, putting his fingers to his temples.

"Why are you being so distant? Did something happen while I was gone?"

"No." He snapped. He'd never snapped at me before, I was a little nervous.

"You're lying." I accused, releasing his hand. He shook his head.

"No. I'm just tired, that's all." I didn't believe him.

"You're lying." I repeated. "I've never seen you act this way even after being up all night. You're not talking to me; you're always in your own little world. I'm not an idiot, Arnold. If you have something to say, say it. Do you want to break up? Is that it?" His face dropped and he stared at me with terrified eyes. The thought of Arnold breaking up with me hurt more than anything. I'd already lost so many people I cared about. I didn't want it to be true, but that's how he was acting.

"No! I love you, I swear I do. I never want to lose you." Arnold hugged me. I was glad that he had said it, but I still wanted answers. I pulled away from him and stared directly into his eyes.

"What happened this weekend?" I demanded. Before Arnold could reply we were interrupted.

"ARNOLD!" Someone shrieked excitedly, and suddenly Arnold was caught in a vice grip from behind. I jumped back. Arnold was completely stunned, not in a surprised way, more like he shut down. He was making eye contact, but his eyes seemed to look right through me. The arms snaked away from Arnold's shoulders and a beautiful girl appeared from behind his back. She had long auburn hair, blue eyes, an adorable little nose, and freckles. Judging by the amount of cover-up caked on over them, I doubted she liked them very much. Her plump lips were glistening with lip gloss and her perfect teeth were pearl white. The clothes she wore looked like they were specifically made to fit her fabulous body. She even smelled good. Suddenly I wished I had worn jeans today instead of sweatpants. She casually walked in between us, back facing me. "Miss me?" She said. Arnold's expression hardened.

"Why are you here?" He asked coldly. I took a few steps back and Arnold's eyes darted in my direction. His expression pleaded with me not to leave. I leaned against the wall and waited.

"Ouch. You aren't still mad, are you?" Really Arnold, it was years ago." The girl turned around and crossed her arms. I pressed harder into the wall and looked away.

"That's not an answer" I heard Arnold say. The girl rolled her eyes and scrunched up her nose. She faced Arnold again. "I have to go to class." Arnold said. He looked at me and I took a step forward. The girl grabbed his arm, he jerked it away. "Don't, Lila." He snapped. I gasped. She was Lila Sawyer? She was beautiful. Much more beautiful than I'd ever imagined her. I understood Arnold's vicious behavior. Lila pulled her arm away and let out a long sigh.

"I'm just visiting for a few days, Arnold. I thought maybe we could catch up, but I guess you'd rather not see me. It's a shame we can't be adults about this." Lila turned around, facing me again. I couldn't look at her without feeling the jealousy rise inside me. The bell rang. He looked to me, I presumed for an escape.

"Arnold," I said. Lila stared daggers at me. "Look, I really have to get to class and so do you. Can you two talk later or something?"

"You can leave." Lila said. I smiled despite the fact that I wanted to bite her.

"I can't actually," I lied, "Arnold has my glasses in his locker and I see no point in going to class if I can't see. I dropped one of my contacts in Science this morning, I hate those stupid things." I laughed. She scowled at me; I could see Arnold's relief.

"She's right, Lila. It's not fair that I'm making her late. We'll talk tonight." Lila beamed. Why did he want to talk? I'd tell her to take a long walk off a short pier.

"Great! I'm staying with Rhonda so just phone her house when you want to talk?"

"Fine." Arnold deadpanned, he looked at me and I walked over to him. We walked away and to class in silence. Outside the door, Arnold stopped me. "Thank you for getting me out of that." He said. I nodded. I didn't want to talk about it. I was sick of talking and guessing. He could talk to me when he decided I was worthy again. We didn't speak again for the rest of the day. It was hard. After each class Arnold would rush out without a word. It was like we were strangers.

"What's wrong with Arnold?" Gerald asked when I met him after school.

"Why do you ask?"

"He told me her wanted to walk home alone today. He was acting like some sort of zombie." I frowned. As angry as I was with him, I hoped he was okay. I wished he would talk to me.

"Lila was here today. He's not speaking to me." I said without emotion.

"What?" Gerald almost yelled. I expected that sort of reaction.

"Yea, she sort of ambushed Arnold after first block. It was bad, I guess. I got him out of there as fast as I could but he agreed to talk to her tonight, for reasons obviously beyond my understanding." I was seething.

"Arnold my man, what have you gotten yourself into?" He muttered. We walked home together, but we didn't talk much. We were both too worried about tonight. After dropping Gerald off, I ran the rest of the way home. I was disappointed and angry to see that Arnold hadn't phoned.


I was drowning again. The memory of Lila was pulling me under. I held her hand as I could, but no matter how hard Skye tried she couldn't keep me on that raft any longer. The phone rang and I opened my eyes. I'd been awake all night again last night; all I wanted to do was sleep. I hadn't thought of Lila in months. Why did she have to come back at the worst possible time? I sat up and looked at the clock. It was already 6. As much as I wanted to hide, I had to deal with this. No more running. I prayed it was Skye calling. She hadn't spoken with me since this morning. I'd never seen her so angry. I wanted so badly to tell her the truth, but I was too much of a coward to face losing her. And now, when I needed her most, she wouldn't even talk to me. It was Gerald who'd phoned. I guess Skye must have told him about Lila. I stood and stared at the phone for a few minutes, bracing myself to make the call. Finally, I picked it up and dialed Rhonda's number.

"Hello?" I heard.

"Hi Rhonda, can I talk to Lila please?"

"One sec," I heard a door close, "Arnold are you sure that's wise?"

"No, but until I talk her she's not going to leave me alone. I have enough problems as it is." Rhonda gasped.

"Oh no! Trouble in paradise?" I groaned.

"Rhonda please? Just let me talk to Lila." She sighed.

"Okay, one moment please." I swallowed. My throat felt so dry.

"Arnold?" I hated memories.

"We're talking." I said. "Now what exactly do you want, Lila?"

"I don't want you to hate me anymore, Arnold. Can we talk in person?" I never wanted to see her again, but I knew it was the only way to get the monkey off my back.

"Fine. Where?" I asked.

"Can I just come over?" The first thing I thought of was Skye. How would she react if she knew I'd had Lila over? I had enough against me as it was.

"Fine." I said, against my better judgment.

"Great! I'll be there in half an hour. See you soon, Arnold." She said and hung up.

After thirty minutes of pacing and dread, the doorbell rang. I think my heart stopped. I listened to Grandma answer the door, not knowing how she'd react.

"Kimba's in his room, dear." I heard. The problem with having an eccentric grandmother was that she forgot who she was supposed to hate.

"Who's that Pookie?" Grandpa called.

"Kimba's little girlfriend." Grandma yelled back, I shuddered. Skye was my girlfriend. Not this manipulative, soul crushing harpy. I heard Lila's footsteps on the stairs, then a knock at the door.

"It's open." I said from my couch. This was it. The door opened and Lila was there, just like I knew she would be, but it wasn't Lila. Under all that make-up and extensions might have been a little bit of Lila, but the girl I fell in love with in fourth grade didn't come out to play anymore.

"Hi." She said, smiling.

"Hi."

"Can I sit?" She asked, looking around.

"Wherever you want." I shrugged. She walked over to my bed and sat down, crossing her tan legs and looking at me.

"How are you, Arnold?" I thought about her question.

'Well I have this amazing girlfriend who won't speak to me, Helga is up to her old shenanigans and I'm falling for them, and I'm sitting in the same room as a girl who ripped my heart out and stepped on it. All things considered I'm not too pleased.'

"Peachy." I lied.

"Good. I'm glad." She said, followed by an awkward silence.

"How are you, Lila?" I humored her. She perked up.

"I'm amazing, really. Couldn't be any better."

"Great." I deadpanned. She frowned. I had the feeling pleasantries were over.

"Look Arnold, I'm really sorry about everything that's happened between us. I could have handled everything so much better, but I was young and stupid. I wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry." Lila said. I looked into her eyes and I remembered how many of her lies I believed and how much of my life I've spent miserable because of her. "I can't ask you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I want you to be happy." I smiled.

"Fact is, Lila. I am happy. I wouldn't want anything in my life to change. I have great friends, a promising future ahead of me, and an amazing–," I was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Hey Shortman, is Skye staying for dinner?" Grandpa asked from the other side of the door. Lila's jaw clenched. I looked right at her.

"It's not Skye, Grandpa." I said, watching her reaction.

"But Gertie said-"

"It's Lila." There was silence.

"Oh. Is she staying?"

"No." I answered for her.

"Okay." Grandpa sounded relieved. "Dinner in 45." We heard him walk away and down the stairs. He probably went to ask Grandma why she would let Lila in. Lila's teeth were still clenched. I smiled.

"What's the matter, Lila?" Her jaw relaxed and she lowered her eyelids. I'd seen this face before, and it wasn't going to work this time.

"Nothing." She answered. Still locking her eyes with mine she stretched herself out on my bed on her side. I rolled my eyes.

"So Arnold, who's Skye?" She twirled her finger around my blanket.

"The amazing girlfriend I was just about to mention. You met her today, actually" I answered. Lila smirked.

"Ah. Her." She batted her eyelashes. I leaned forward in my seat.

"I know what you're doing, Lila. I'm not going to fall for it again. I was hopelessly in love with you then, you don't have that to your advantage anymore. I never thought I'd be able to love again after you, but now I know that, that isn't true. I already gave up Helga for you; do you honestly think I'd risk what I have with Skye for you?" Lila sat up and looked at me.

"Arnold, Arnold, Arnold." She walked over to me and sat down, too close for comfort. "Do you honestly think it's a coincidence that the first girl you fall for after me happens to be the new girl, from a small town, who lives in my old house? She's basically a plainer version of me. You've still got feelings for me, Arnold. And I still have them for you, too." She leaned in and put her hand on my chest. My blood was boiling. How did she know all this stuff about Skye so soon? I shot up.

"Give it up, Lila. You had me once, and you lost me. Skye may be similar to who you were, but she's nothing like who you've become." I watched as Lila's expression contorted into anger. She stood up, her face no more than two inches from mine, and smirked.

"You think I'm jealous? Guess again. I really think it's kind of cute. You two are the perfect little orphan couple." She hissed. I took a step back. How did she know about Skye's family?

"Who told you that?" I demanded. She laughed cruelly and turned around. She left without another word. I stood in my room alone, blood boiling, hands shaking. I heard Grandpa call me from downstairs. I had to talk to Skye. I had to tell her everything. I called her but there was no answer, I left her a voicemail and waited.