So...this happened. As it stands this chapter is 4,049 words long storywise and with AN and additions...who knows? This chapter gets a little...emotional? I don't know... I just hope it's okay :)
So without further ado, Please Stop Acting Like You Care.
A week later, Saturday
Large, tan hands plunged into the bubbly water, retrieving the sponge from its watery depths. With a smile of success, Antonio pulled the small porous cleaning device from its comfortably warm surroundings. Yep, Antonio was in charge of cleaning the dishes after Lovino cooked dinner. Living with Lovino, thought Antonio, is a lot like living with two Colins…Both are quiet and provide me with food. Although, Colin's mood swings are nowhere near as dramatic.
If he was honest with himself, Antonio was beginning to feel a little out of his depth, it seemed Lovino was a lot more docile while injured, but as soon as he could walk again he was almost completely different. A few days ago, he screamed at Antonio about how painful his cooking was to eat, (which Antonio pretended hadn't upset him as much as it did) and developed this habit of randomly going to his room, slamming his door shut and then sobs would be heard for a while afterwards. After a while, Lovino would have a shower and pretend that nothing had ever happened. Whenever Antonio asked him if he was okay, he would only receive short mutterings of 'Fine.'
The plates were done and so Antonio dried his hands and wandered into his bedroom to go to sleep as it was late, Lovino having long ago disappeared into his own bedroom, and the Spaniard was tired.
Groaning in frustration, Antonio turned to the nightstand where his phone lay, reading the time and whining pathetically. Just before one in the morning. He didn't have to work that day, but this wasn't the first night where he found he could not sleep. He pulled the ear plugs from his ears, feeling a little relief at the ability to hear returning to him, and left his room. He rather fancied a tall glass of cool, fresh water.
He had been right about the water; the cool liquid was perfect on such a warm evening. He enjoyed it so much that he filled another glass, and was about to take a sip when a blood-curdling scream ripped into the room, and Antonio froze up. The glass slipped from his grasped and smashed on the floor, but he didn't care as he tore across the dorm room to where the scream was coming from. He pulled open the younger's bedroom door and looked inside, immediately spotting Lovino in a tense ball in the centre of his bed, his covers on the floor somewhere. He was whimpering heavily and then suddenly another inhuman scream poured from his lips. Antonio stood on the spot, having no idea what to do as the boy just kept releasing this desperate, ear-piercing scream. Finally, he did what his mother used to do when he had a nightmare, and tried to wake the smaller boy. He called his name a few times, but he would never be heard over the screaming. So he climbed onto the bed and shook Lovino forcefully, still calling his name. After a particularly violent shake, the Italian finally awoke. He looked up at Antonio with wide, confused golden eyes. His chest rose and fell as he took deep breaths, slowing down a little as he calmed down. He was obviously too tired to fully register what had happened, because soon he was asleep again.
Antonio picked up the duvet from the floor and gently put it back over the Italian, making sure to tuck him in carefully. When he looked comfortable enough, Antonio left the room and headed to the sofa, flopping onto it bonelessly, and covered his face with his hands. The sounds of the smaller man's screaming still ricocheted round his eardrums. It was a sound that would haunt Antonio, he was sure. It had been such a chilling sound, his blood still felt frozen in his veins and he was shaking slightly. Knowing he would not rest tonight, Antonio felt the need to see an old friend. He cleared up the broken glass and got changed as quietly as he could, still shaking as he headed out of the door.
.
For some reason, when Lovino awoke that morning, he found himself thinking of Antonio. Not particularly wanting to get out of bed at that moment, he decided to let his thoughts wander. He looks so tired lately…he thought to himself as he stretched out on his bed. It was true, the man had just looked so exhausted lately, and Lovino could tell it was at least partially his own fault. It was as if the spark had gone from the Spaniard, and all that was left was this tired man who was pretending with large, practised smiles that no longer reached his eyes, and dark circles which showed the man had been getting about as much sleep as Lovino had. It was starting to eat at the Italian, and he couldn't really tell why. He's only some teacher of mine, why should I care so much? Why do I feel so guilty?
.
Francis carried two cups of coffee into his front room, placing one on the low table beside his sofa, on top of which lay his sleeping Spanish friend, and the other he held as he sat on the chair opposite. Antonio had been knocking at his door at close to two in the morning, white as a sheet and looking like he hadn't slept in days. With promises to talk as soon as he awoke the next day, Francis had given him a couple of sleeping tablets and Antonio had fallen asleep on the sofa. It was now mid-afternoon and Francis decided it was time to wake the man up. Hmm…how do I do this? He pondered, delicate finger placed to his lips in thought. He clicked his fingers with a mischievous smirk as an idea came to him.
When the Bad Touch Trio had shared a room, they had each had their own little ways of waking each other up. It was like a game to them. If Gilbert was the first to wake, Antonio and Francis could look forward to having iced water thrown over them, or if they were on the sofa where Gilbert usually slept, they would just be kicked off onto the floor. Antonio was too nice to ever be good at the game; he would just hold beer under either of their faces until they woke up. Except on those occasions when Francis would piss Antonio off and the Frenchman would be awoken by an irate Spaniard pelting him with bits of cold cheese. The worst, though, was Francis.
Said Frenchman smiled proudly at the memories of the old days as he bent over Antonio and gently took the top of the Spaniard's ear between his teeth and nibbled slightly. He then purred Antonio's name softly, to which the Spaniard groaned. Holding back a laugh, Francis purred his name louder and kissed his neck softly. Antonio let out a slight moan and his eyes fluttered open sleepily. When he realised what had happened he swore quietly, glaring angrily at Francis. "I hate you sometimes, amigo."
Yes, Francis' method was much more devious. Whenever he woke up first, the others would awake feeling flustered and embarrassed.
Laughing, Francis sat back in his seat opposite Antonio. "So mon ami, I am curious to know who you thought it would be when you opened your eyes?" The blonde joked, causing Antonio to blush. It was then Antonio realised that he didn't know, though that hardly made him any less embarrassed, it was as if as soon as he had woken up the person had become a vague silhouette. All he could remember was that the scent of them reminded him of his mother and his homeland, though he couldn't say why.
"Why, Francis? Couldn't you have just shaken me or something?" Francis only laughed and pushed the coffee on the table closer to the Spaniard.
"Feeling better mon cher?" the blonde asked, smiling although his voice was serious. Antonio nodded gratefully. The long sleep had definitely helped, even if it made him feel groggy. "So what is bothering you pet?" He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees and fingers steepled before his face, tips resting against his lips.
Antonio knew the analysing look in his friend's eye, and after barging in in the middle of the night and having to sleep on the man's sofa, there was no way he could get away with pretending to be fine. "It's...everything." Antonio said with a sigh, sitting up and wrapping his arms around himself protectively. "Teaching a class two years' worth of material is hard, and it isn't going very well. Then there's the rumours going around and people keep saying mean things about me, and I could lose my job if they get out of hand! And it doesn't matter what I do, Lovino is still upset and I'm trying but I really don't know how to help him and I just feel so helpless and useless about it all, and for Christ's sake I'm an adult! I should be able to deal with it, but it's all building up higher and higher and I just feel so overwhelmed…that…I…can't…do…"Antonio began to hyperventilate and Francis recalled an incident many years ago where similar words were pouring from the very same friend's mouth, and he did exactly as he did back then. He drew his hand back and slapped his friend across the face, hard.
Hurt emerald eyes looked up at him with such innocence that Francis almost felt guilty. He got up from his seat opposite the Spaniard and instead sat next to him, pulling him into a side-ways hug. "Do you remember, Antonio?" Francis said softly, a sad smile on his face.
Antonio chuckled slightly, resting his head on his friend's shoulder, his nose crinkling as Francis' long hair tickled his face. "Yes, I remember." He said sadly, "Though it is different this time." Francis' gaze turned stern, and fierce sapphire eyes stared directly into emerald, daring him to lie.
"Is it?" He asked sharply, though it wasn't through maliciousness and Antonio knew that.
"Yes. I promise, it's not like last time." Francis sighed with relief, his features softening.
"Thank god. I didn't check, but…" Antonio nodded understandingly, his friend's concern was not exactly unjustified. "Have you told Lovino?" The Frenchman asked curiously, Antonio frowned and gave Francis a look that told him he was crazy. "It's not that ridiculous an idea, it might even get him to trust you." He said softly, knowing this was a very delicate topic. "Just think about it, mon cher." He concluded. Antonio nodded, indeed thinking about it. Suddenly his eyes widened in realisation.
"I've left him alone! Puto, what time is it?" He asked, frantically gathering his things so he could leave. "I'm so stupid! Why am I so stupid?" He yelled angrily, grabbing the shoes beside the sofa and forcing them on harshly.
"Antonio, stop!" Francis yelled, wrapping his arms around Antonio's. "Just call him to see if he's okay, he's practically an adult, mon cher, he can take care of himself."
Antonio calmed down a little, nodding as he searched for his phone. He found it in the pocket of his jeans; he had gone to sleep in them as nothing Francis owned was anywhere near big enough to fit him.
The brunette flipped open his mobile phone and dialled the number for his and Lovino's dorm room, his worry growing with every unanswered ring. "Lovi pick up…pick up…come on…" He muttered, panic beginning to settle in his stomach. "I swear to God if something's happened to him I will never forgive myself." He said seriously, not having heard the click to say the phone had been answered.
"What are you talking about idiota?" Antonio nearly cried with relief at the sound of his grumpy roommate.
"You're okay?" He asked, Francis just rolled his eyes. A small smile graced his noble French features at the sight of his friend. The oblivious man probably didn't even realise he was grinning like he had received the greatest gift in the world.
The two chatted for a little while over the phone and Francis was happy to just sit and watch as his friend laughed and smiled while talking. He had a feeling his friend would be okay, in time everything would sort itself out.
With promises to be back soon, Antonio hung up the phone and turned back to his friend. Grin still firmly in place. "He's fine, he was just reading. Apparently his brother only just left, anyway." Antonio told Francis. Francis couldn't help but smile along with his friend, it didn't matter who you were, if Antonio smiled the world smiled with him. "I better go, it's getting late. Thanks Francis." He smiled gratefully, hugging his friend tightly.
Francis laughed, returning the hug. "Don't worry about it, I did nothing." He said with a smile, Antonio laughed squeezing Francis.
"You listened to me, gave me a place to stay for the night, you're a good friend Francis."
"Oh, you're not going to kiss me are you?" The blonde joked and Antonio pulled away.
"Nope. Like I said, it's not the same as last time." Antonio said with a wink.
Francis shook his head, chuckling lightly.
"Adios amigo!" Antonio gathered his possessions and put on his other shoe while Francis opened the door for him.
"Salut Antonio. Say, why did you come to me instead of Gilbert? He's an idiot, but we both know he's better at this stuff then I am." Francis asked, other than when love (or sex) was concerned, Francis was terrible at giving advice.
"Oh, I'm still mad at him for having sex on my desk." Antonio shrugged honestly and Francis laughed, waving him off and shutting the door behind him.
.
Antonio pushed open the door to the home he shared with Lovino and was immediately hit with hot air and the scents of various smells that he remembered from his childhood. For a moment it was like he was back in Spain, in his mother's kitchen, helping her cook. His fondest memories were from back then. His father would come home from work with the hugest smile lighting up his deep green eyes. They were a poor, but extremely happy family.
"Hey bastard, you just gonna stand there all day?" Antonio jumped, he had been so lost in his memories that he'd forgotten that those moments were gone, his mother was far away and he would never again see his father's face light up with joy at the sight of his family.
"Hola Lovi, you're making Paella?" He asked curiously, heading into the dorm and closing the door. Lovino had only ever made Italian food, deeming other culture's food to be inferior.
"Yes, I am. It's nearly done so sit down." Antonio nodded and sat at the dining table, suddenly able to smell something sweet.
"You made churros too?" He asked excitedly. They had been his favourite food as a child and something he hadn't eaten in years. He still remembered the smell of them though.
Lovino said nothing, instead continued adding various ingredients to the dish on the cooker. Antonio couldn't help but feel excited about being able to have some of his favourite food after so long, but sitting at the table made him feel restless. "Can I help?" He asked, expecting Lovino to say no. The Italian was about to, but then the look of disappointment already settled on the darker brunette's face made him change his mind.
"Sure. You can cut up those." He said, motioning to an onion and four cloves of garlic. Antonio nodded and rolled up his sleeves in preparation for his job. He reached for the cutlery drawer beneath the kitchen counter when, placed on top of the counter, he saw a few pieces of paper that had been printed from the internet. The title read 'Top 10 traditional Spanish recipes' and underneath was the recipe for the very Paella Lovino was making.
"Lovino, did you do this just for me?" He asked, flattered. Although Lovino's back was turned to him, he could tell the Italian was blushing because the tops of his ears went red.
"So what if I did?" He snapped angrily and Antonio's smile was joined by a slight blush of his own.
"That's…wow, thank you Lovi, that's so nice!" Antonio grinned, running up to hug Lovino from behind. Lovino let out a yell of surprise and whacked Antonio with the spatula he was holding until he let go.
.
The dinner was delicious, and the two sat in companionable silence as they ate their dessert. The churros Lovino had made were delicious, and the two were enjoying the last of the lot. "That was amazing." Antonio said once he'd finished his last churro, and Lovino was unable to supress the small proud smile at the compliment.
"It was nothing…" He said modestly, looking down at the table.
"I wish I could cook as well as you do…or at all, really." Antonio said wistfully.
"I guess I could teach you, if you'd like." Antonio brightened slightly, hope flickering in his eyes.
"Really?" He asked excitedly. He had always wanted to be able to cook properly, ever since he was young and helping his mother in the kitchens.
Lovino raised an eyebrow at the excited-puppy look Antonio was giving him. It was rather becoming, he decided. "Whatever, we'll start tomorrow afternoon for lunch." Antonio resisted both the urge to dance and the urge to hug the Italian before him, happiness emanating from the man. It was quite a sight to see such a happy person even happier than usual. "But don't think this is for your benefit, if something happens and you have to cook again, I might just die, damnit."
.
That evening, Lovino was sat on the sofa reading his book as usual; Antonio was sat at the dining table going through some test papers for one of his classes. It was rather depressing how badly they were doing overall. "They need to stop texting each other and start learning the language…" Antonio muttered.
"What was that?" Lovino asked.
"Nothing, talking to myself." Antonio answered, putting down the papers with a sigh. "You're awfully quiet tonight, well, more so than usual. Are you okay?" Antonio asked.
"Fine." Lovino responded rather quickly, Antonio frowned slightly.
"Really?"
"What do you think?" Lovino snapped, turning a page in his book.
Antonio's frown morphed into a look of sadness as he muttered, "I think you still don't trust me," quietly in response.
Lovino still heard it though; he closed his book and turned to face Antonio. "Well, you don't trust me." Antonio looked at the boy in surprise.
"What do you mean?" He asked nervously.
Lovino sighed and got up from the sofa, choosing instead to sit opposite Antonio at the dining table. "I know something's been bothering you. You look like shit half the time, dress like it too. You weren't eating your food… should I go on?" Antonio shook his head, embarrassed with himself. "You expect me to tell you everything that's bothering me? Well trust goes both ways." Lovino huffed angrily, Antonio looked up at him with sad eyes as he tried to think of what he could say.
"I…I'm sorry Lovino, you're right. I should have spoken to you, I guess I just didn't think." Lovino accepted his apology with a nod, shuffling awkwardly in his seat.
"So, what was wrong?" He asked shyly, playing with the sleeves of his shirt.
Antonio looked surprised for a moment and Lovino shifted uncomfortably in his seat from the attention. "Um, well, it's kinda silly really." The elder said with a slight chuckle, running his hands through soft, chocolate coloured curls. "I guess everything just got to me, and I felt a little overwhelmed by it. But, I think everything's going to be okay." He said with a smile, to which Lovino nodded thoughtfully. "So, what's up with you Lovi?" Antonio asked hopefully.
The Italian sighed and ran a hand through his own hair. "It's nothing, just a rumour going round that my brother ended up overhearing. He came by to see if it was true or not earlier, it upset him quite a lot." Antonio frowned at that, so I'm not the only one being affected by mean rumours then.
"What was the rumour?" He asked curiously, wondering if it had anything to do with the rumours going around about himself.
Lovino sighed again, one hand tangled in his hair as he looked somewhere to the left of himself. "The rumour is that I have started cutting myself." He said darkly and Antonio gulped.
"…Oh." He shifted in his seat a little. "And you've never…?" He trailed off at the harsh glare he received from the other.
"Of course not! What kind of bastard would take enjoyment from…" Lovino didn't finish the sentence, too distracted by the large wince coming from the man opposite. "Antonio?" He asked quietly, suddenly feeling the tension in the air.
"…There's nothing enjoyable about it." Antonio muttered quietly. Lovino's eyes widened at the implication as a shaky sigh was released from Antonio's lips. "When I was a few years younger than you are now, I used to do bad things to myself." He said softly.
"Bad things?" Lovino asked uneasily.
Antonio nodded, his eyes began to glisten slightly with tears. "I would cut or sometimes burn myself." Lovino felt the air around him grow cold as his roommate's words sank in.
"…Why?"
Antonio shrugged, a single tear sliding down his face which just seemed so …wrong. "My father was very sick and my mother was struggling to look after him. I was over here so I couldn't really help except by sending over as much money as I could make in part-time jobs, as my father couldn't really work. I guess everything just built up and I couldn't take the pressure of it all. In the end I had to leave school when I was nearly fifteen, return back home to Spain so I could look after them both. I stopped hurting myself when I got home, I was too busy to even think about doing it what with looking after them both and trying to get good enough grades to get into university while earning enough money to support us all. Especially after my father died and it was just me and my mother…" He admitted, as hard as it was, he knew he had to trust Lovino if the boy was ever going to trust him in return.
Lovino just stared at the man for a few moments, in shock. Antonio looked so sad. It was wrong. So terribly wrong. All he wanted to do was to make him smile like he always did, to get him back to his usual self and make everything okay again. So he did the first thing that came to mind, he got up from his seat and hugged him. Antonio was surprised, but comforted by the gesture. After a few moments, the two separated and Antonio wiped his face. He looked up at Lovino with a grateful smile as the boy looked away, red-faced. "Are you…okay?" The Italian asked awkwardly.
Antonio laughed slightly, "Si, I'm fine. I…I actually feel a little better for having said it out loud. Thank you for listening to me." Antonio said with a smile, not as big as his usual one but a smile nonetheless. Lovino just nodded, feeling extremely awkward. "I think I'm going to go take a shower." Antonio said, rising from his seat.
"I'm going to go to bed." Lovino responded, turning to leave when Antonio called his name. "Hm?" He asked, when suddenly Antonio's large form was wrapped around him in a warm embrace.
"Thank you." The older man said softly, holding the Italian close. Lovino stood awkwardly with one hand by his side while the other patted the Spaniard's back awkwardly a couple of times before he pushed him off.
"That's enough hugs for one day, bastard." Lovino said without any real mirth and Antonio laughed, heading towards the bathroom. "Wait, I have a question about…that." Antonio turned to face the younger.
"Sure, what is it?" He asked.
"It's just…I've seen you wear T-shirts, and I've never seen…I mean I never checked, but…"
"…Scars fade Lovi, remember that." And Lovino knew he wasn't only referring to physical ones.
.
.
The end.
I joke! Hehe :') How dead would I be if I ended it there?
Oh god I need to reply to your reviews but I'm so tired! I'll do it soon I promise! I have read every single one and they are so cute! Thank you for the awesome birthday wishes!
Okay, so I have two request things!
1. Francis needs somebody! And if I can't decide soon then he shall be Colin's new luverboy (I jest, Colin is clearly more Gilbird's type!) Anyway- in your reviews it would be awesome if you could put suggestion/votes. I will either go by quantity OR the convincingness of the argument! If you can tell me who you want to see them with and why they should be with them and it's convincing enough then BAM! ((This does not include bashing ships. Absolutely no "I hate FrUK" Or "FrPr is totally gross" or anything like that [just so you know those were two absolutely random examples and I have no issue with either of those pairings or any pairing at all really])) Also, the winning partner will only have a small mention, it's just nicer if you guys get a say in who, yanno?
2. I am very curious as to how old people think the characters are. I will say the approximate age next chapter, but I just was wondering how old you thought they were, or if you could work it out XD
Okay so that's that! I should hope to get the next chapter up soon, but I am working all next weekend and I'm still getting used to school so there's a chance it might be a little late OTL
Also I regret not being able to do the hungover Italian's scene. I didn't realise the idea of it sounded so appealing to you all! Maybe I'll do a brief flashback or something at somepoint xD
I will reply to reviews and PM's soon! (I sincerely hope, I mean, I honestly love talking to you all!)
~Ore-sama
