Author's notes: Thank you EggDropSoup for your kind support and thoughtful advice, and DarkQrysLynnfor beta-ing my work. To all that enjoy this fanfiction, thank you for leaving a review.

Warning: Angst, sexual imagery, and general creepiness.


The first week, it had been easy to stay in bed. He was sick as a dog with walking pneumonia especially when the medicine started breaking stuff up in his chest. The downside was that he wasn't very hungry either.

"I made broth."

He looked away, while Tsuzuki pulled a chair up to the bed.

"It's not too hot, and I watered it down a lot. Try some? Dr. Reeve said you needed to stay hydrated."

"Fine," his voice was a hoarse whisper.

With restrained happiness at his acquiescence, Tsuzuki lifted the first spoonful to his lips, and his Meister sipped it.

"Dr. Konoe wants to see you when you feel better."

With closed lips, Secret looked away again. "You told him."

"You have them every night. What am I supposed to do? Let you suffer through them?"

"Yes. You said so yourself that you can't do anything about it if I want to suffer."

Tsuzuki put the bowl down on the surviving stand and leaned forward. "Is this some punishment you think you deserve? Or are you playing with your life to prove you're not weak? Because either way you need to stop this."

"Just leave me alone."

He snorted contemptuously at the suggestion. "I meant what I said. I won't abandon you. I promised to protect you, but I can't protect you from yourself. Besides, the way you're going, you'll leave me just like the others." He scoffed when Secret gave him confused look. "Oh, it won't be your fault of course since you became ill and died of complications. No, it won't be your fault when you weren't taking care of yourself."

"..."

"I have your full attention now, don't I?" Tsuzuki said harshly, purple eyes flashing.

His Meister's light green eyes flicked towards the bowl of broth. "Are you done lecturing me?"

"It depends." He lifted the bowl into his hands and balanced it on one hand.

"On what?" Another spoonful was shoved in his face, which he opened his mouth for without thinking.

"Get better." Secret downed another spoonful. "Talk to the Chief."

Half the broth was swimming in his stomach now, and he didn't want to take in any more. Ugh, I'm weak. He turned his face away. "And?"

"Stop calling yourself weak. Even if you don't say it out loud, I can tell when you're thinking it."

He glanced at him in surprise. "How did you...?"

"I know how you think. You've said it before, that you felt weak, and I've told you before, that you aren't."

Secret looked down at the lumpy shapes of his legs under the covers. His heart, no, his whole chest felt like it was swelling up with a faceless, happy emotion. Wasn't that weird to feel so happy at being scolded?

"Look, I admire your stubbornness, but enough's enough. We won't be able to beat that guy when you sabotage yourself like this."

Secret knew he had to trust him more. Tsuzuki had proved himself time and again that he wouldn't be scared off by anything, not even a troubled teen like him with a power-hungry Warlock after his soul, but... "I'm sorry."

"Secret." The large hand pressed itself over his balled-up fist on the blanket. "It's okay. I know it's hard to let yourself rest when you've spent so much time trying to survive on your own."

That feeling rose up again, stronger. Something like pride and neediness mixed with attachment. It was on the tip of his tongue, but he had no idea how to express it. He almost felt he shouldn't. Biting down on his tongue, he looked hesitantly at Tsuzuki, hoping he hadn't noticed.

An unreadable Tsuzuki smiled gently in response as he fluffed his pillows. "Get some rest. Lunch isn't for another couple of hours. Alright?"

"You're always thinking about food," Secret muttered as he let his eyes close, his cheeks rosy and his heart tight.

Rising, Tsuzuki left the room because he needed to calm himself down before returning to Secret's side. Flopping back onto the couch, he felt his face grow disturbingly hot. If he didn't know better, that look...

His Meister had given him such a look of longing and deep trust with a huge helping of fear that if he didn't know better he'd say Secret had developed a crush on him.

"Like that could happen, right?" Tsuzuki mused at the ceiling after taking a deep breath. He had to be mistaken because obviously Secret had dropped his guard and was just showing gratitude with his ever-lonely eyes.

"I don't want to lose you to that monster..." The memory of his hoarse voice from the night before floated into Tsuzuki's head in justification of that yearning, scared expression.

He'd said something like that before, hadn't he? Tsuzuki thought.

"...now that he's found me, you aren't safe either..."

I get that he's still trying his damnedest to push me away even when he knows that I'm not the easiest to kill. And because of my invulnerability, I know he needs me to beat Muraki, so why does he do it?

A shout brought him out his thoughts and he rushed back to the room to soothe Secret's thrashing. He'd only left him a few moments to clear his head, but his Meister had fallen asleep again. The nightmares were starting to have a stronger effect on him that was for sure.

Unseeing, fearful eyes looked back and forth, half-open to some danger Tsuzuki couldn't sense. "What is it, Secret? What do you see?"

"he... killed... them... because..." His eyes snapped close as he took a deep, shuddering breath. Tsuzuki laid his hand on the side of his face, and predictably Secret leaned against it.

"Because what?"

"I... ..." His Meister relaxed further and fell asleep against his hand.

He blames himself that's why, Tsuzuki thought sadly. He stayed put, cradling Secret's face even after he lost feeling in his hand.

His Meister didn't have another nightmare that day.

A few days later, since Secret had been making steady gains, his Weapon had called Dr. Konoe to see if he was free to just 'talk'. Unfortunately, the psychologist had about half-hour free today.

"We could go for a walk before the Chief gets here." Tsuzuki gestured to the contraption, folded up and leaning against the wall.

Secret made a face. "I'm fine. I hate that thing." He wasn't lying a bit when he said that. He'd rather stay cooped up inside than spend another moment in that wheelchair. He'd rather-his pulse raced at the thought of warm arms carrying him. He harshly patted his face with a hand, until he chased that thought out.

Besides, even if he had gone outside to relax, the 'chat' with Dr. Konoe would amp up his anxiety and ruin a good mood.

Wondering what was bothering Secret, Tsuzuki gave him a steady look. "I know Dr. Reeve said you absolutely had to take it easy because you could get a relapse and stay in bed for another two weeks if you aren't careful. But this is ridiculous. You need fresh air and sunlight—"

"No, I don't, and I don't want to miss any more school because I got sick again when I passed someone who had the sniffles."

Now if only he'd catch up on the massive amount of assignments he'd missed in his feverish delirium and could stop being so—

"Secret."

Flushing at the tone, he looked down. How can he always tell?

"Don't be so hard on yourself. She said your chest cleared up faster than she expected, you know?"

"You should follow your own advice. It's not like you could have stopped me from getting sick."

There was that little frown Tsuzuki always wore when he disagreed. "I shouldn't have gone out as much as I did. You were in a bad state to begin with."

"I doubt the results would have been different if you had stayed near my side." Secret swallowed his pride. "You said it yourself that I'm out to prove that I'm not weak."

"You're not weak."

Secret tried to keep the frown off his face, but didn't really succeed.

"You can't change my mind about that, Secret. I just wish I could convince you." Sighing when he had nothing more to say, his Weapon ran a hand through his hair and then glanced at the time. "He should be here soon."

Secret's nervousness multiplied, since he hadn't talked to the man in ten days. "The couch, please."

His Weapon went for the wheelchair.

"Don't worry about that. It's not that far away."

"That's true." Tsuzuki scooped him up with the blanket still on him and a wry smile on his face. "You just wanted to be carried, huh?"

"As long as I don't have to sit in that thing." Secret shot him a knowing look. "But I don't hear you complaining about it." He could feel that Tsuzuki liked carrying him for whatever baffling reason.

"A gentleman never complains," came the succinct, pleased response.

"You? Don't you mean a servant? Your manners practically scream 'I'm the butler. Boss me around!'"

There weren't very many strides to the couch before he was placed on it with a mock-bow. "Now, I shall make my lord some tea."

Secret spluttered at the ridiculous air Tsuzuki put on for him. Once he could breathe again, he gave him an arrogant frown. "If you are, be quick."

Grinning ear to ear because his Meister had played into the childish game, Tsuzuki winked. "Aye, aye, sir!"

Secret's eyelids fluttered at the pleasant emotions, but then he felt himself react to Tsuzuki's playfulness and glared down at the blankets. His face flushed as his chest constricted. Why was he reacting like that? Thankfully, it wasn't much of a reaction, so he chased off the dirty thoughts that tried to corner him and stared mindlessly at the fibers that made up the blanket.

Tsuzuki was his only friend and thinking something like that could only lead to bad things. He was startled by the clap of ceramic on stone as Tsuzuki straightened from his bent pose. Secret glanced at the cup, sitting on a coaster, with a metal flap hanging from the lip. A tea spoon sat next to it on a napkin for the ball-strainer of loose tea to sit on once his tea had reached the correct saturation level.

There was a knock on the door. In another moment, his Weapon was up and opening the door.

The psychologist smiled, "Hello, Tsuzuki. May I come in?"

Secret felt himself break out into a sweat as Tsuzuki warmly greeted him.

"Of course, Chief." The door was shut.

"Hello, Secret," the mellow voice called out to him.

"Hello," Secret managed calmly.

"Would you like some tea?" He heard his Weapon ask.

The old man was bemused. "I brought my own. Would there be any more of those delightful teacakes around?"

"Oh, those? In the cabinet I'm not allowed to open," Tsuzuki's voice slightly whined.

The cupboard of breads was opened, and a bag was pulled out. "I'm sure Secret wouldn't mind sharing one of these with you." Raising his voice slightly, Dr. Konoe turned towards him. "Right, Secret?"

"Help yourself." Facing towards the pastel blue wall, Secret sipped his tea to try to settle his nerves.

Tsuzuki let out a sound of glee and helpfully pulled out two plates and two forks by the sound of the dishes hitting the counter. Secret recalled Tsuzuki's jealous gaze when he had cooked them after Tsuzuki nagged him one too many times about taking a break from homework. Though he had offered to help, Secret had refused, instead relying on the mixing machine that came with the kitchen.

"Thank you, Tsuzuki. They look delicious, don't they?"

"Oh, yeah!" Came the muffled agreement.

Hearing them walk towards the combined living area, Secret looked to his right to see Dr. Konoe gesture towards a recliner. "May I?"

"Please do."

The plate and a thermos were placed on the small table abutting the plush chair. He heard the soft popping of old joints as he watched Dr. Konoe settle into the chair across from him.

Tsuzuki set his sugary tea down on the dark green coffee table and he sat down on the couch a cushion away from him. Slapping the beige kitchen towel onto his shoulder since he spilled things sometimes, he stuffed his face with a plate piled high with teacakes.

Glancing over at him, Secret frowned. "I thought you'd be leaving."

"Uh," Tsuzuki gulped several times to clear his mouth. "This is just a chat, you know? I like talking to him too."

Sitting up straighter, Secret fussed with the blankets on his legs. "..."

"Well, this is certainly a change of pace, isn't it?" The old man unscrewed the top to his thermos and poured himself some tea. "Is this okay with you, Secret?"

"Mm," he uttered in an uneasy affirmative.

"Now, since this is just a friendly chat, I was thinking we should keep this informal and casual, since you've been under a lot of stress."

"Hardly. I just got sick."

He could feel Tsuzuki's proverbial hackles raise at that. "I can't believe you can say that with a straight face when just last week you were in bed for five days in a row."

His face burned as he fiddled with the cup in his hands. "You don't have to rub it in."

Tsuzuki fumbled for an answer, but the Chief quietly intervened.

"Secret," the old man said gently. "Illness is the body's way of demanding rest to recuperate. There's nothing wrong with getting sick."

"Then why was I teased about it a lot when I was younger?"

"If it wasn't that, they would have found something else to say about you. That's how bullies are," his Weapon said frankly. "Didn't you feel that?"

Secret felt Dr. Konoe's interest pique at Tsuzuki's question. "I didn't want to," he muttered. Tsuzuki predictably was saddened by that.

"My hearing's not so good. Could you repeat that?" Dr. Konoe asked politely. Secret wasn't surprised since he hadn't really explained his Soul Ability on the application at all.

"I wanted to be a Normal," he said strongly. "The village I grew up in was small and the rest of the kids were all Normals. I didn't want to know that they hated me when they were playing nice." He rolled the cup between his hands. "I wouldn't be here hiding from... I would be a Normal living in the village—" He stopped suddenly biting his lip, remembering his fever-dream. Was his village even standing?

"Tsuzuki here could tell you all about that feeling. He had a long, hard road to get to self-acceptance."

Secret looked at his Weapon.

"The Chief's exaggerating. The road wasn't that long." Tsuzuki's mood dipped. "But I still get depressed, you know? I wish I could go back to those days when I wasn't hungry all the time." And still had Ruka with me. Fingers tracing along the curve of the empty plate in his lap, Tsuzuki continued, "But... I've come to accept that what's done is done. I know I wouldn't be happy if I had missed out on meeting you, Secret. You're a special kind of guy."

Blushing, Secret didn't know what to say to that, unused to such compliments. "Ah, no. I'm not anything special."

Chuckling, Tsuzuki shook his head. "And too modest. It's been eleven years since I had a Meister who didn't care that I have a corrupted soul, and the only one who could match their soul waves to me to create a resonance without any effort on my part."

"Oh? Does it have to do with your Soul Ability, Secret?" The old man butted in smoothly, reminding Secret that he was there.

"...Probably," he replied to him, but directed the rest to Tsuzuki, "but you never did tell me how we survived against... him."

" 'Probably'?... Hm. Who's him?" Dr. Konoe asked innocently.

Not responding, Secret sipped his cooling tea. Like hell he was going to say that man's name.

"Stop beating around the bush, Secret. It's because of your Soul Ability that you can do that. And Chief, he's referring to our last case when we almost didn't make it against a Class A Warlock, named Muraki Kazutaka," Tsuzuki responded darkly for him, ever the helpful one.

That name sent an unpleasant tingle down his spine as a precursor. No matter how Secret carefully tried to set the cup down it clattered before it fell over and spilled.

"oh!" Tsuzuki dropped the towel from his shoulder onto the quickly spreading puddle before it had a chance to slosh over the side of the table. Then his attention was back on Secret, but he was beaten to the question.

"Are you alright, Secret?" The old man sounded concerned.

"Fine," he gasped out tremulously, his fingers had gone icy as they tightened their grip on the blanket. He hoped he didn't start to suddenly hyperventilate in front of them. "T-toilet." He clamped down on his teeth to keep them from chattering and brought the heavy blanket around his shoulders as he stood.

"Secret..." Tsuzuki radiated concern and reached out to provide a comforting touch, but Secret pulled away, though it hurt to do it. He wanted that comforting touch more than anything, but his groin twitched. That was all it took to set him off again.

He crouched low and hugged his knees, panting as the panic attack hit. He was embarrassing the hell out of himself, and he couldn't seem to stand up again. "I-i-it'll go" he gasped out through chattering, clenched teeth, " 'w-way in-ha.. bi-it."

Those ghost fingers were trailing over his skin. Both Tsuzuki and Dr. Konoe were standing next to him, trying to talk him down from the high ledge of panic. Their words were lost in the roaring sound inside his head. As goosebumps raced like wildfire all over, he pulled the blanket over his head and he shivered violently. A sudden lance of pain tore through his chest. His fist couldn't quiet all of it.

Tsuzuki was the first to touch him, his back, but Secret jerked away from the affectionate touch. That act of kindness had amplified the unpleasantness. His strong feelings of worry caused Secret to plant himself against the ground in a fetal position.

"Secret. Focus on my voice," Dr. Konoe's voice somehow commanded over the sound of the roar in his head. "You need to calm down."

"C-c-c-n't-t." He wasn't here, but he heard him and those sweet-sounding lies. The pain started inching down his stomach, down, down, down, down.

Secret tried to calm himself. He really did, but every time he took a breath it was going down the wrong pipe nauseatingly, and couldn't they sense him right behind him?

Konoe's hand settled itself on his shoulder tightly, and, though he tried to shove it off at first, Secret's thoughts screeched to a halt. He found it easier to catch his breath. It was like he had suddenly been dumped from raging rapids to a peaceful flowing river.

Memories of another blond-haired youth flooded into his mind from Dr. Konoe's touch, and the burning determination in eerily familiar green eyes as the teen stood up gripping twin Wea—

The hand retreated. "I'm sorry. I had no idea you had panic attacks." The very clear voice was stern when it turned on his Weapon. "You knew about these, Tsuzuki?"

"I didn't know they were triggered like that with just a mention of-uh... It only seemed to happen when people were too close to him." Innuendo laced that single, stressed word. He felt Tsuzuki's agitation at his stubborn-as-hell, secretive nature. You should have said something to us, Secret.

"You should have said something to me," came the scolding, baritone reply from the psychologist, and Tsuzuki winced.

"Why is it gone...?" Secret said groggily in confusion, pulling the blanket off enough so he could peek up at the aged face.

"It's part of his Soul Ability, Secret. It's how he was able to keep me calm when... I was trying to adjust."

Secret pushed himself up slowly, clutching the blanket to him and stared at the hems of Dr. Konoe's navy slacks.

"It's true. I can either amplify a certain emotion being felt or extinguish it." The black dress shoes stepped back to return Dr. Konoe to his seat. "Now, Secret, I've respected your privacy about your own ability. Perhaps you can share it with me now?"

Taking a deep breath, Secret looked away, murmuring, "You trained my father, didn't you?"

Dr. Konoe's eyes fluttered in surprise, and Tsuzuki seemed surprised as well. "You're a mindreader?" he asked.

Flushing, Secret looked down at his mound of blankets. "Kind of. It's random. I pick up on feelings better, but I can always tell what type of soul I'm looking at."

"Ahh, so that's how you could match up your soul wavelength so easily to Tsuzuki's chaotic one. Usually a Pair must align their breathing, thoughts, and feelings before they can resonate."

"Isn't that what Synchro is?"

"That's only a very short-term Soul Resonance. Practice you might say..." Settling back into the recliner, Dr. Konoe steepled his hands together. "With an ability like yours, it'd cause all sorts of difficulties in your interactions. It's little wonder that you wanted to be a Normal."

Secret nodded.

"But then, it comes with its own advantages too, doesn't it? You never have to worry about a Kishin soul sneaking up on you You can always tell someone's true nature."

"No, but..." He glanced towards Tsuzuki and then wiggled. "I learned that a Kishin's fear is overpowering and can disrupt my thoughts."

"Hmm." The old man took the last bite of teacake off his plate and took a long sip from his thermos.

"Don't sweat it, Secret. We got through it okay."

"But that's how I messed up my arm in the first place. If it wasn't for that, we could have beaten the Kishin sooner and left before..."

Tsuzuki sighed. "Look, I should have reacted faster. Beginners usually freeze up on their first Mission. You were doing so well that I misjudged the situation."

"You mean, you overestimated my ability."

"Yes," Tsuzuki made an irritated noise, "I forgot you were a Beginner when you took control of the situation so calmly. I'm sorry. You wouldn't have been so hurt if I hadn't let my excitement get the best of me."

The old man cleared his throat. "Let's take this conversation down a notch, hmm? We all make mistakes." He sipped again from his thermos and turned his head towards the young Meister. "Secret, you've got to let people express themselves on their own. Correcting them typically makes people bull-headed. Tsuzuki is better than most in letting go of his pride to admit his mistakes." Dr. Konoe threaded his fingers together leaning against them with his elbows on his thighs. "Now then, Secret, I suspect that if you do a complete Soul Resonance with Tsuzuki that should take care of the fright. He's known for being fearless in a fight."

"Yeah, fights don't scare me," Tsuzuki grinned in anticipation.

"But..." Secret started.

"Are you worried he'll eat your soul?"

"No! It's not that at all. I just thought that... it wasn't possible?"

Tsuzuki laughed. "Where did you learn that, Secret?"

"Why do you ask?" Secret retorted hotly.

"With a strong will like yours, I'll amplify your soul waves, no problem. Take Tatsumi. He did a ton of complete Soul Resonances with me, and he's turned out fine."

"Yes, Professor Tatsumi is still a pompous prick with a stick up his ass," Dr. Konoe agreed promptly.

Secret snorted in surprise and cleared his throat looking down, while Tsuzuki laughed heartily. "That's true. Tatsumi always did take things too seriously."

Looking at his watch, Dr. Konoe stood with an apologetic smile. "Well, gentlemen, I have an appointment soon. Secret, I'll see you next week, hm?" Slowly he stood up and picked up his thermos to recap it. "Maybe we can later share stories about the Hero of Crest Falls?"

"Maybe..."

Dr. Konoe smiled. "I've enjoyed this conversation. It is perhaps the most enlightening I've had with you yet."

At the neutral look on Secret's face, the psychologist's smile never dimmed. "You know, group therapy might work better for you, and you might find more people with which you can relate."

Secret looked away without answering. He didn't like the sound of 'group therapy', but it'd be nice to have more friends...

"Thanks for coming, Chief." Tsuzuki led him to the door and opened it for him. Secret twisted on the couch to watch him go.

"It was my pleasure, Tsuzuki. Maybe you could drop in some time too?"

"Sure."

"Oh, and one more thing, Secret." The psychologist turned to see if he had his attention. "Be sure you bring some teacakes, will you?"

Secret rolled his eyes. "Buy your own, old man."

With a chuckle, Dr. Konoe bid them farewell, and they responded in kind.

And then the kindly man was gone, and Secret slumped against the couch. He was exhausted.

"That wore you out that much?"

He stiffened. Secret had gotten into the bad habit of relaxing after the object of his tension left the room. "Go away."

"That would be a 'yes', huh." Sitting next to him, Tsuzuki did the exact opposite of his command. "Go ahead and take a nap. I'll be here when you wake up."

Yeah, he was tired. He couldn't even muster a ticked off response. He laid an arm over his eyes as Tsuzuki pulled the blanket up to his chin.

At first, the dream started off badly as he watched the two souls of his parents get eaten by that Weapon against her will again... but it dissolved into one where he was pressed against Tsuzuki, kissing him. His fingers were frantically trying to touch the tanned skin underneath those clothes as their kiss broke apart, and Tsuzuki's lips were hot against his throat.

His eyes shot open with his face planted in Tsuzuki's warm, sweaty hand. His 'reaction' pointedly made itself known under the blanket. Secret made a noise as he sat up and rearranged the blankets to hide it, thinking Tsuzuki would wake up when he moved.

Undisturbed, Tsuzuki slept on, drooling on the couch cushion. Desire surged inside of him. Secret's hand itched to pin him down and bite lightly... Secret shook his head, dispelling the urges and leaning away in disgust, especially when his pants suddenly became tighter. Distressed, he shot off the couch, dropping the blanket, and waddle-ran down the hall.

"Secret?" A groggy voice questioned after him as he unzipped his pants to get some relief. His knees sagged under him as he slammed the door behind him and panted. Sliding to the floor, he coughed heavily against a hand. The image of forcing a demanding kiss onto his Weapon's pert mouth while his unoccupied hand slid against Tsuzuki's stomach...

His body was wracked with coughing. He had been infected by that sicko's perversion. That's all there was to it. That had to be it... He tugged at his hair trying to make it go away, but it only seemed to make it worse.

There was a knock on the door that vibrated against his back.

"Secret. Are you okay?" Tsuzuki's relaxed voice slid into his ears, and caught off-guard Secret shuddered with a soft moan. When his vision cleared, he swept a hand under his shirt and felt the sticky mess he'd made on his stomach.

As he looked at his fingers, the door shoved against him, but didn't open all the way with Secret leaning against it. He looked up to see Tsuzuki's head barely poking in. "Are you-" Before his Weapon could finish his statement, he blinked owlishly at Secret and then pulled out of the doorway, "Oh. Sorry."

Sensing that it was his appearance, Secret brought his hand to his shirt to wipe it off.

"I'll start the bath for you."

The split-second decision to give him privacy as soon as possible without even a perverted thought about what the two of them could do together proved to Secret that what he was feeling was wrong and one-sided. Even worse, Secret knew those horrible feelings weren't going to go away.

He stood slowly and then tucked himself back into his pants. Going shakily to his wardrobe, he pulled out a clean set of clothes and walked back to his door. He heard the water running. Opening the door, he saw the wheelchair waiting for him, and his knees went weak with fatigue. He sat down, diligently rolling himself the very short length to the bathroom.

Tsuzuki was bent over the bathtub, unknowingly showing just how well his slacks clung to his backside. Secret sucked in a breath and looked away, digging his fingers into the folded clothes.

The water cut off, and Tsuzuki grinned and bent to take the clothes from him, but Secret wouldn't let him.

Scratching the back of his head, Tsuzuki shrugged. "You know, it's not the end of the world. So what if I interrupted you? I'm sure parents the world over has walked in on worse."

When Secret remained motionless and flushed, Tsuzuki walked by him. "I'll have lunch ready by the time you're done, okay?" Then with a wink, Tsuzuki was gone, leaving Secret to catch his breath. The tingle of panic worming its way up his spine because he knew what his reaction to Tsuzuki meant. He wanted to possess him, like Muraki had possessed him, but the thought of it made him sick. He had to push it away and pretend it didn't happen.

If he finds out... He shook his head at his worry. I can do this! I've got to... There's no one else.

He undressed, wiping the drying white goop off of him with his dirty shirt. His eyes were drawn to the newest scar just below his wrist that circled all the way around even though it was not very noticeable. Crouching in the bathtub, he slowly sat down into the warm water. The porcelain chilled his thighs-

"Everything you touch will spoil, Boy, because you and I share lineage as descendants of Witches. Had you simply accepted my offer, you wouldn't be where you are now."

"You're insane," he bit out. The standing porcelain table against his bare backside was cold where he was tied down. His toes felt numb.

"You will be too in a few months, Boy."

/Until then, you've fast become the favorite in my collection. You've got such fire in you. It's really a shame that your body is too delicate./

The pale fingers snapped. A Kishin dressed in a nurse's outfit and wearing a face mask pushed a cart with a metal tray on it with metal things in it. Sharp metal things.

Beyond the cold, he attempted to quell the sudden panic at the sight of that tray with its body-carving tools.

A scalpel was lifted from the tray and inspected before being balanced easily between careful fingers. The healing cuts in his arms and chest throbbed at the sight of the surgeon's knife.

"Where next, Boy? Shall I slice over my previous incisions or start somewhere that's been untouched?"

Secret knew that whatever his 'choice' the mad doctor would cut wherever the hell he wanted. "We aren't playthings, you bastard!"

"Oh god, someone help me!" came a loud scream from the dark hallway which set off another voice, screaming for help. They were both silenced shortly after.

"Correct, Boy. I do not play with my specimens. I assure you everything I do is meticulously recorded. Now, do I need to make the decision for you?"

The man in white stepped forward, his shadow falling over his cold, naked form.

/Your truest nature will be on display. The stigmata of a vengeful Witch forever drawn onto your once-virgin skin. Nobody will ever want to get close to you. You'll forever be mine./

The fear in his gut thickened the closer the man came, and his eyes flicked around trying to find some method of escape. They settled to the right. His skin prickled with goosebumps at the sight of a bucket of icy cold saltwater sitting on another pushcart. The water made any incisions burn like crazy, while the rest of him froze. If he ever got out alive, he didn't think he'd ever be warm again.

He hoped a horrific accident would miraculously befall the twisted doctor while the casually twirled scalpel glinted in the fluorescent light. The smell of antiseptic was thick. He was deathly silent as the panic ebbed into numbness, and his eyes finally glared the doctor down. His stomach flipped as the warm body leaned in to inspect the scabbing cuts with pressing fingers. His knees began to quake, and he turned his head away again.

"Now be a good boy, Hisoka, and scream for me-"

"Secret, Secret! Shh, it's okay, it's okay." Tsuzuki's soothing voice echoed above him, his hands rubbing over the terry cotton cloths that covered him. "It's just you and me here. Just you and me. It's okay."

He felt so relieved that he thought his chest might burst. Shivering uncontrollably, he was curled up in the porcelain tub with some fluffy towels piled on top of him. The repeated phrases washed over him. It took him a moment to realize there was no water in the tub.

Something snapped inside of him as that disgusting feeling coiled inside of him again. Secret stuffed the towels against his mouth and sobbed into the towels. His whole body tremored as the sobs turned into heavy coughing. He sucked in breath after breath between coughing fits and shook as he clung to the towels.

Tsuzuki very calmly stayed with him, hands moving back and forth. "You were screaming..."

"Get him out."

The hands stilled. "Secret... what—"

"He's all over me. He's inside of me. He's everywhere. I can't sleep or do anything without being reminded of him," his voice was rising, hoarsely.

"Secret..." Tentatively, Tsuzuki laid a palm against his exposed forehead. Secret reached up and held his hand against it, closing his eyes.

Secret felt him, a dark blotch of unending hunger. Tsuzuki's soul was a flaming ball of purple fire, sparking blue, not nearly as corrupted as the man thought. So, Secret allowed his soul to make the slightest contact with his. Sitting up slowly, Secret kept the hand against his face and then took Tsuzuki's other hand resting on the edge of the tub and brought it up to cup his face. The sense of two bodies and the same soul was strange, they agreed.

Secret's fear and panic of the Warlock faded into Tsuzuki's famished outlook. Locked into the resonance, together, the fear and panic, the hunger, was not so bad. A deeper understanding of the other came as well.

Secret understood Tsuzuki's pain from killing Ruka and countless other innocents when he lost control years before. How his fear of losing control again made him want a Meister who was willing to one day kill him should that ever happen. Despite the enlightening connection, Secret could no longer hold it, and they became separate beings.

All this time he'd thought that touching a Dark Weapon's soul would make his panic worse, but... at that briefest touch, Tsuzuki's warm feelings ate away at the ice that had settled in Secret's stomach.

At the moment, Tsuzuki felt very bewildered and humbled by the shared experience and allowed the continued confiscation of his hands even though the resonance had passed.

"I can't..." Secret began, but when he remained silent Tsuzuki nodded.

"I understand now. I'll stay by your side, all day, every day."

Secret pulled the rough hands up to cover his face completely, the fingers blocking his eyesight while the faint smell of soap tickled his nose. "I can't ask you to do that." Though he wanted Tsuzuki's company so badly, Secret shook his head blindly as he felt the tears burn his eyes.

Drawing his own fingers apart, Tsuzuki leaned in close. He smelled like teacakes. "I know why you feel that way, but you don't have to worry."

He tried to pull away but the fingers cradled his face, so he stopped. Miserably, he said, "You can't know... I'm really sick inside of my head."

Tsuzuki gave him a curious look. "I think you're confusing where you think you're feeling." He took a hand away from Secret's limp fingers and pressed it against his chest. "It's here, isn't it?"

"..." Secret's face burned, and he looked down at the skin between the fingers of the remaining hand barring his face.

Pulling Secret's chin up, purple eyes looked clearly into his. "It's not a bad thing, what you're feeling. It means that he can't touch that part of you."

He couldn't even muster the courage to say, I want to kiss you. He swallowed it down. His heart didn't believe him. No matter what his Weapon said, he refused to believe he wasn't a sick pervert.

Fingers uncovered his face. "You're my Meister. Absolutely nothing will change that. I mean it."

It was said with burning conviction, and the passion behind it seeped into his skin. He finally believed that Tsuzuki believed himself at least. With his heart in his throat, Secret looked away.

"Now, lunch is done, but you still need a bath don't you?" Tsuzuki stated in an obnoxiously obvious manner.

"Right."

"I'll scrub your back then!" Tsuzuki's grin was suddenly infectious, even when Secret didn't look at it.

"I can do that on my own. If you're going to stay, stay over there." Unbundling himself from the towels, Secret held one against himself in modesty and closed the shower curtain with a fluid tug.

Tsuzuki watched as he tossed the towels over the edge of the bathtub and brought the curtain on the inside of the tub to keep the water from dripping out.

Taking a clipped breath followed by a jarring cough, Secret wondered if he should really be doing this in his condition. He leaned forward with a hand against the wall and turned the water on. Figuring that if he passed out again that Tsuzuki would take care of him, Secret adjusted the temperature until it was nearly scalding hot and pulled the hook for it to spray down.

He quickly scrubbed himself down and when he finished he shut the water off, pink from the heat. Secret went to grab a towel off the ground, but found they had been moved.

"Here, I'll be in the hallway." A clean, folded one was pushed through the slightest opening of the curtain. Taking it, Secret dried off and wrapped himself with it. He pulled the curtain aside and stepped out of the tub. He slipped on the fresh, folded clothes. As he tugged the long-sleeved shirt down over his bare chest, he felt Tsuzuki's eyes on his back. "Is something wrong?" He asked as he turned to meet the gaze.

"No," Tsuzuki pushed the wheelchair beside him. "I was wondering how the cold affected your scars."

"They ache. I don't move as well in the cold either."

"I'll remember that."

The lunch they shared was surprisingly delicious.

Their conversation stayed safe and boring, while Secret's previous anxiety ebbed away in Tsuzuki's presence.

The Resonance had changed something between them, but it didn't feel wrong at all.

Secret cupped his tea, hiding a smile behind the mug. He could get used to this.

To be continued...

Next time: Hijiri's been sighted? Secret-Tsuzuki Pair, check it out!