A/N
I know there are grammatical errors, but I hope you'll enjoy anyway ^^
Disclaimer: I obviously do not own "The little Red Riding Hood".
Chapter 12
*A couple of hours after we left off.*
I took my time going home. The night was clear and the air was only a bit chilly. Work had been hard, but in the good, challenging way. I was in a good mood even though it had been an awfully long day with no time to relax, but then again, I didn't mind doing something most of the time. I always felt a bit… restless whenever I didn't do anything.
I couldn't wait 'till I got home. Mom was – with some luck – asleep, so that I could get some dinner, take a much needed shower and then off to sleep. I was not naïve enough to think, that I would get dreamless sleep. Usually I was more exhausted when I dragged myself out of bed, than when I got into it. I hated that nightmare. It was so god damn confusing and it was so creepy, that I dreamt the same thing every freaking night! I recalled a night when I was 14 years old or so, where I refused to go to sleep. Instead I kept myself busy all night by cleaning up the house, doing laundry, reading, drinking coffee, doing crosswords and I was pretty proud of myself, when I managed to do that more than one night in a row, but school was awful and when my teachers started to get worried, I knew I had to stop. If the teachers get worried about you, they will want to talk to your parents – or in my case: my mother – which couldn't happen, because then they would know and then they would be forced to call those people from child care and protection service.
I shook my head as if I could get the worries and memories out of my head that way. I shouldn't think about that. I would turn 18 in less than a year and if I could keep out the spotlight this far, I sure as hell could do it a couple more months.
There was light in the windows when I got home, which indicated that my mother still hadn't passed out from drinking yet. I heaved a heavy sigh in order to not let her drinking problems get the best of me. I was in a good mood, and I wouldn't let my mother ruin it – which meant, I had to quickly find out where in the house she was and not look that way more than necessary.
I went inside and heard clatter coming from the living room, as I quietly made my way to the kitchen. I put the few groceries I brought after work on their places and found the ingredients for a quick sandwich.
"Where have you been?" I heard my mother's slurred voice coming from the door.
"Work" I patiently answered as I knew too well, that if she heard any sign of annoyance or coolness she would start and argument, and there was no way you could have a sensible argument with a drunk person.
"You know what I heard?" she took a sip from her vodka bottle as she came into the kitchen.
"What did you hear?" I mentally rolled my eyes as I kept making my sandwich. Just make that sandwich and excuse yourself. Come on. It won't be long and she will quickly forget that I even came home.
"I heard that you've started… started becoming friends with the bikers" she said in a tone I knew far too well. If I said one word now, that didn't suit her, she would flip. Then again it went the other way too. I knew where she was going and if she went there… I wouldn't be able to just give patient, calm answers.
"What if I am? I'm already friends with Logan, and you don't mind that" not that you had any saying in who I was friends with, but I didn't say that.
"I'm disappointed that you keep such bad company. I thought you were more sen…sible than that" she slurred coolly and I couldn't help but let out a small, humorless laugh. Oh no, she didn't! If she thought for one second, that she even had the right to be disappointed by me, she was so very wrong. How could one be such a hypocrite?! I kept bad company? Ha! She was more than enough bad company for me! I knew how some kids ended up because their parents were alcoholics.
"Oh, you should hear yourself right now" I said venomously not caring about anything, than just getting my opinion out in the open.
"If you want to play the worried parent, you might want to lose the bottle, mom" I said that last word with sarcasm, to let her now that she hadn't really been my mother in any way.
Without any kind of warning she flung her half-filled bottle of vodka towards the wall where it broke to pieces.
"Happy now?!" her voice has risen with a sudden burst of anger and she looked at me with the foggy expression she always wore. I had always wondered how the world looked like through her alcoholic eyes. Did she still feel compassion and love? Did she even care about anything other than if we were out of booze?
"Are you crazy?! It's me who has to clean that up! And do you know why?" I asked in a high pitch. I thought I seen all of my mom's faces, but I've never had thought she would smash something on purpose. I didn't give her time to answer. I was too angry to care about the fact that it was impossible to have an argument with an alcoholic. If she didn't care, then why should I? I needed her to know how it felt to not have a real mother around. She had never tugged me into bed. Never kissed my bruised knee. Never taken me to school. Never congratulated me on my birthday – I doubted she even remembered which day she squeezed me out of her womb or if she even remembered that much. The times she had acted even remotely like she cared about me, was so few and rare that I barely remembered them.
"Because the only thing you've ever done is drink, leaving me to be the parent! I even have to hide the money I earn so that you won't use them all on booze, but somehow you never seem to run out. Where do you get your alcohol from anyway?" I asked spitefully, not even caring. She probably stole it or got it from some of the men she hooked up with in the weekends – another reason why I spend my weekends with either Charlie or my grandma – but the "relationships" never lasted more than a week and even that, would be a surprisingly long time for her. I couldn't bring myself to say that out loud no matter how angry I got, but she must've seen it in my eyes, because that's when she did it. The force of her slap made my head go to one side and my cheek burned along with my eyes. How could she? How dared she?!
"Don't give me that patronizing look, child! I'm the grownup, not you. You're too young and stupid to know anything about real life, you slut!" she yelled and breathed heavily.
There was so much I wanted to yell right back at her. I wanted to tell just how wrong she was, but for what? It's not like she would actually take my words seriously. I could see it in her face and eyes. She looked as though I was a little child whose tantrum just went too far. And besides…
I was far too stunned and surprised to get even the tiniest sound across my tightly closed lips. I could only look at her with my hand on my burning cheek.
Never had I thought she would be able to lay a hand on me like that. I couldn't wrap my mind around what just happened. Just a few minutes earlier I had been tired but in a good mood. That was completely gone by now. I had never been physically assaulted like this before not even in school.
My surprise quickly turned to anger and as it did, I saw her own anger being sucked out of her and I could almost see what had just happened get through to her, like she just now realized what she had done. What she had done was bellow anything I would ever have expected of my drunk, screwed up mom. I felt so fucking humiliated and I wanted nothing more than to scream and yell at her, to tell her every spiteful and angry thought that have ever run through my head because of her, but I didn't. I simply pushed past, heading for the front door. If words didn't get through to her, then maybe actions would. With my hand on the doorknob I couldn't help but look back at my mother to give her one last cold glare and I saw that the horror and regret had now taken over her facial features. I had never seen her more sober than she looked in this moment. Perfect! At least something got through to her in that fuzzy brain of hers. She needed to know how her actions made me feel, and I wasn't just thinking about the slap.
As I walked away from the house, I realized what I was doing, but I didn't want to go back inside. Not just yet. I was still far too furious to be in the same house as her. Therefore, I just kept walking until I calmed down a bit, which meant me wandering through the same streets in my tiny hometown and eventually ending up at the outskirts of the forest, before I stopped and started thinking. I looked down at the clock on my phone. Has it really just been less than an hour since I left my house?
I threw my head back and closed my eyes tiredly. This was not how I wanted to end my day. Every time my thoughts whirled back to my house and my mum, I could feel the anger flaring. No! I won't think about that right now! I had to be just a bit rational. I forced my thought back on more familiar and everyday paths as I stood before the forest.
It's a school night. I have to get up early in the morning. I need sleep. I need… I closed my eyes as I realized that I didn't have anything with me except phone and what I was wearing of course – which was my work clothes. I had no toothbrush, change of clothes or even my schoolbooks, and I refused to face my mother just jet. And I couldn't possibly sleep on some random bench, but where could I go. The first place that popped into my head was also the place I knew I could never go; my grandmother's. She would be far too worried besides, it was too far to walk. Then there was Charlie, but I couldn't worry my best friend with this either. Logan was out of the question too as his mother and mine was friends, which meant that she would know my location before I even got some time for myself. I briefly considered going to Lloyd and sweet Abigail, but I knew Lloyd too well and I didn't want him to scold my mother again – he had threatened her by saying he would go to the authorities if she didn't start acting like a parent and stop drinking, but she didn't care and I had to plead him not to.
Who else was there? Who else could I go to?
God, I was pathetic! I laid my head in my hands and squinted my eyes. God, I couldn't wait 'till I was old enough to get my own place. I felt so bad when I had to depend on others and be a burden. Maybe I should just not sleep. Others didn't have to get involved in my drama. I sighed heavily before letting my wet hands – I must have been crying - fall and… I froze.
"Cailyn?" Kyle seemed to have come from nowhere and was now looking at me with worry and confusion, as if he couldn't believe I was there.
"What… what are you doing here?" God, my voice even wavered. I whipped my eyes and tried to look normal. It was too late to hide behind a smile and pretend. He had already seen my tearstained cheeks.
"Just taking a late night walk. What about you? It's quite the detour if you're going home from work, unless of course you live in the forest" he tried loosening the atmosphere, but the worry never left his eyes and he quickly turned serious. I could feel my chin quiver, but refused to cry in front of anybody and especially Kyle. For some reason I didn't want him to think of me as weak and independent.
"I needed some air" I had more control of my voice now and I succeeded in answering him without either lying or telling the upright truth.
He smiled slightly, not as he was amused, but more like… I couldn't explain it, but it didn't annoy me, on the contrary it actually made me feel a little better and I knew he wouldn't ask.
"Well, I was on my way home… and you look like you could use something hot to drink" he said suggestively and now it was my turn to smile. He made it easy for me to be myself and forget why I was actually standing here.
"Are you trying to seduce me, Kyle?" I teased and he chuckled lightly.
"Always" he answered just a playfully and my smile widened. Then I looked down shamefully for what I was about to say before hesitantly meeting his gaze.
"Maybe you have a couch too? I could use a place to stay… just for the night" I said the last bit fast and reassuringly. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks and this time, it was not because of a slap. I felt so ashamed that I had to ask.
Concern crossed his face again as he nodded.
"You sure you want the couch and not the bed? I'm willing to share, you know" as he spoke he regained his smile and winked at me. I blushed as he reminded me of that escapade.
"Who hasn't done stupid thinks when they were drugged?" I joked.
With a smirk he started walking and I followed by his side. After a few seconds of silence he couldn't seem to help but break it.
"You can have the bed if you want. I'm perfectly fine with sleeping on the couch" he said in a serious voice that made me turn towards him in surprise.
"I'm enough of a burden as it already is. I'll take the couch" I said firmly and he shook his head with a smile that made my confusion grow.
"What?" I said as didn't seem to be about to tell as to why he was smiling.
"Like you could ever be a burden" he smiles as if it his answer was obvious and the fact, that he seemed completely honest and truthful only made me flabbergasted. He chuckled and gave me another wink. I rolled my eyes with a smile.
The rest of the way to his apartment, we talked about our day – me mostly complaining about Charlie's friends and being thankful for Kyle and the gang for coming to my rescue, and him talking about both school and mainly about working in the garage. It made me smile to hear him talk about himself. While talking, we reached the apartment complex and we went inside without ending our ongoing conversation. He seemed so content and happy with what he did, and I envied him for that. I didn't know what to do with my life, except that I wanted more than this town had to offer. I felt trapped here, but Kyle… Kyle already knew what he wanted to be, and not just what job he wanted to have. He knew what kind of person he was and what kind of person he aimed to be, but there was something he didn't know. He didn't know that he was already good enough as he was. He was someone other should aim to be, and this I told him. He looked at me with such a surprised expression that I couldn't help but laugh.
"You really do thing too low of yourself" I smiled at his confusion as he refused to believe me. Of course. The greatest of people never saw themselves as great or good, and that was just one of the qualities that made them the greatest.
When I coincidentally looked at Kyle's watch above his fridge, I almost jumped. It was nearly 2 in the morning! Where did the time go?!
"Look at the time. Oh God, tomorrow is going to be hell" I moaned. I had no energy for tomorrow and I couldn't even endure thinking about how to face my mother or even go home tomorrow.
"We could skip school if you want" he shrugged as if it was obvious and I gaped at him.
"Skip school?"
He chuckled.
"Yes, miss studious, skip school. Ever heard of it?" he teased and I blushed slightly.
"I don't know…" I couldn't believe I even considered it, but I could probably need it. I wouldn't be able to focus on class tomorrow anyway, not with the thoughts of my drunken mum hitting me. As the gloom memory returned so did my anger and this time another feeling slowly ate at me; betrayal. My hand rose to my cheek in remembrance.
"Cailyn, are you alright?" Kyle looked at me worriedly.
"No" I answered stiffly and looked at him. My eyes burned with suppressed and traitorous tears that I still refused to shed in his presence.
"I had an argument with my mum when I came home from work and… it didn't end so well. She slapped me" I began and halted as I considered if it was a good idea to spill my problems all over him, but he simply looked at me patiently. I had his undivided attention.
"She was drunk as she always is" I clenched my fists as the anger overshadowed the betrayal and my nails pierced the skin in my palms. Kyle laid a calming hand on mine and I loosened a bit.
"I was tired and I got angry. I shouldn't have yelled at her like that, but it's just so… frustrating and… I just wish she would… How can she be so blind when it comes to her own mistakes and when it comes to me, there is nothing but errors and it's like she thinks that just because she is an alcoholic tramp, that I am too! And a mother shouldn't hit their child, right?! They should take care of their children and not the other way around! I know how childish I sound right now, but I'm so tired of being mature" the tears streamed down my face as the words stumbled across my lips. I've never spoken of this to anyone other than my mother – and you all know how that went – not even Logan, because he already knew this, but it was good to have finally uttered them.
"Cailyn, please look at me" Kyle almost demanded and I obeyed with only little hesitation. His hand was on placed gently on my cheek and his thumb brushed my tears away.
"You are not at fault here, Cailyn. You know that, don't you? You should not feel ashamed to say what you mean or feel. No one should" he looked me so deep and intensely in my eyes, as though he wanted to force his words into my head. I offered a sad smile.
"Don't" he said as if he knew that I tried to be brave even though it was too late. The fraction of my soul that I just poured out was not something I could take back anymore. It was already out there and I felt naked under his gaze.
"God, Cailyn" he cursed under his breath and pulled me in for a hug. It was easier to let go of the tears and everything else for that matter, when I couldn't see his face. I cried with my face hidden in his chest and even though I drenched his shirt, I didn't have the energy to fight it, and he didn't seem to care.
