A frost had covered the Hogwarts grounds to announce Valentines Day and all of Hogwarts couples were besotted with the fact that the holiday just so happened to land on the Saturday of a Hogsmeade trip. Marlene watched with disgust, from her seat at the Gryffindor table, as a couple sitting across from her made out passionately.
Sh had decided to wake up early that morning and enjoy a quiet breakfast at which she could finish the rest of the novel she'd been enjoying for the past week but the couple in front of her had taken away her appetite for anything. Marlene looked down guiltily at the eggs she'd barely touched.
"Morning" said a friendly voice. Marlene looked to her right to find Remus Lupin climbing into the seat beside her.
"Hello Remus" Marlene said, glad that she could occupy her attention on anything but the couple in front of her. She watched with amusement as Remus' noticed the two with surprise.
"Looks like some people are feeling extra festive..." he inquired grabbing himself some oatmeal. "Any plans for today?" Marlene lifted up the book she'd had laying in her lap and smiled. "You aren't going to Hogsmeade?"
"No I didn't think I would" Marlene said with shrug. "I mean it'll just be crowded with obnoxious couples raving about how wonderful it is they've been together for two months." Remus chuckled.
"You could come with us, we'll promise to keep our Valentines Day jitters under wraps." Marlene smiled touched by Remus' effort.
"Thanks really but I'd rather just stay behind, at least I'll have the common room all to myself." Remus didn't seem convinced by this and continued to look at Marlene with uncertainty.
"It isn't because of Sirius is it?" He asked more quietly. Marlene's stomach did back flips at the mention of his name.
"No" she said, not completely convinced her self. "Sirius and I have actually been on good terms lately I just really don't feel much like venturing into the cold just to feel annoyed the entire day." Remus nodded understandingly before returning to his breakfast.
Since the night of their detention Sirius and Marlene had remained on better terms then they'd been in a while. The few weeks had been fairly peaceful between the two although they kept their social interactions limited but Sirius was only half the reason Marlene was weary of venturing into Hogsmeade. She figured that if she stayed behind she'd manage to avoid both Pandora and Damien both of whom she was sure would be in Hogsmeade that afternoon.
Once Marlene had finished up her breakfast the best that she could she wandered back up to Gryffindor Tower. When she returned to her Dorm she found that everyone was still asleep except for Brooke whom had mysteriously not come to bed last night. Marlene changed from the itchy blue jeans she'd thrown on for her excursion downstairs and put her loose pajama bottoms back on before climbing into bed.
"Marly" Lily whispered into Marlene's ear softly. "Marly wake up." Marlene groaned loudly and rolled over to find Lily sitting on the edge of her bed. "We're all going to Hogsmeade now." She informed her very sleepy friend.
"Okay" Marlene replied simply hoping if she kept her responses at a bare minimum she'd be able to return to her dreams once Lily left.
"I'm not sure if Panda is coming but if she stays talk to her-" Marlene groaned. "Really Marly" Lily said sternly. "This tension is too much..."
"I'm sleeping" Marlene mumbled rolling over and burying her head into her fluffy white pillow. Lily sighed heavily from beside her.
"Try to talk to Damien too" she whispered. "He's starting to creep Brooke out-"
"I'll try" Marlene said hoping Lily would then leave her alone to sleep.
"I'll buy you some Chocolate Cauldron cakes" Lily promised to Marlene's delight and then a weight lifted off Marlene's bed and she head the Dorm room door closing quietly. Marlene let out a small sigh of relief pulling her blanket up to her chin. She was determined to sleep away all of her problems.
Marlene woke up abruptly the sound of someone sobbing heavily, pulling her from her deep slumber. Marlene felt light-headed as she slowly sat up in bed rubbing her eyes tiredly. The curtains around her bed were drawn so that she was not hidden as she usually was and she could see in plain sight Pandora sitting on top of her bed sobbing into her hands.
She hadn't noticed that Marlene had woken up and so she continued crying heavily her long blonde hair hanging behind her.
"Panda?" Marlene asked, approaching her dorm mate gingerly.
"Oh...oh...Marlene I'm s-sorry" Panda said looking up, her eyes red and swollen.
"It's fine...what happened?" Despite not being on the best of terms with Panda, since she had slept with Marlene's boyfriend, she still cared about her well being and so Marlene sat on the edge of Panda's bed and tried to rub her back comfortingly.
"I-it's just...well I assume you'll think I deserved it..." Marlene gulped nervously, anticipating what Panda might say next. "Well K-Kyle he dumped me." Marlene bit her lip. She couldn't lie it wasn't surprising that Kyle had dumped Panda after all she had slept with another boy but it didn't mean Marlene wanted to see Panda so upset. After all Marlene had been just as bad over winter break as she had.
"What happened exactly?" She asked.
"Well H-he was going on about how wonderful our trip to Hogsmeade would be and I just couldn't lie to him anymore so I tried my hardest to tell him the truth but he just freaked out and he told me he was finished and stormed away." Panda's head dropped into her hands again. "I deserve it'" she sobbed. "After what I did to you."
"No" Marlene assured her friend. "No Panda you just...you made a mistake. I did too. I mean we may never be the way we were before but you're still my friend we don't have to lose that...I was going to end it with Damien that day anyway." Marlene hoped these few words would console Pandora but they didn't do much to stop her endless flow of tears. "What if I spoke to Kyle?" Marlene offered. "Maybe I could help..."
"I couldn't ask you to do that" Panda said shaking her head.
"No, really I want to" Marlene persisted. The truth was that although Marlene did want to see Panda brighten up a bit she just couldn't face the prospect of listen to her roommate cry for weeks about her ended relationship. And so Marlene changed into something a little more suitable than her pajamas and headed off towards the Hufflepuff basement to find Kyle.
When Marlene arrived she found herself standing in front of a stack of barrels. She'd head a few students when she was in first year talking about how they'd once tried to sneak into the Hufflepuff Dormitory thinking it would be quite simple with no password but instead had a barrel of vinegar poured on them. Marlene decided she would rather not end up sticking of vinegar all day so instead she waited patiently for a Hufflepuff to arrive.
After what felt like an hour, but was more likely twenty minutes, a tall and skinny boy with shaggy brown hair approached the entrance.
"Excuse me" Marlene spoke up thankful to finally find someone. The boy whipped around looking at Marlene curiously. "I um...I'm looking for Kyle McDowning? I figured he might be in here..." The guy nodded.
"I'm not sure if he's here today he might have left for Hogsmeade...I can check for you if you like?"
"That'd be great thanks!" Marlene grinned. The boy smiled and then turned towards the stack of barrels tapping one in the middle of the second row from the bottom a few times. Marlene watched in amazement as the top of the barrel pulled open to reveal a tight corridor that the boy proceeded to crawl through before the barrel closed again.
"Merlin." Marlene murmured to herself leaning against the wall again. She waited for Kyle to emerge her patient beginning to run low. Marlene retired to tapping her foot against the floor in the tune of a song she'd recently heard on the radio and hadn't been able to get out of her head since. By the time she'd finished tapping out the final verse Kyle emerged to her great relief.
"Thank god" he sighed at the sight of Marlene. "When he described a tall blonde I was sure it'd be Panda." Marlene gave Kyle a sympathetic look.
"So why'd you come?"
"I guess some part of me was still hoping it was her." Marlene nodded her head motioning her head towards the stairs.
"Fancy a walk?" she asked and to her luck Kyle agreed.
The two of them strolled around the fairly empty castle, except for first and second years that weren't yet able to go to Hogsmeade and the occasional person who'd stayed behind. Marlene decided not to bring up Panda until the two of them had located an empty classroom.
Marlene jumped on top of a desk swinging her feet below her.
"I guess you can figure I didn't come to find you for small talk." Marlene said earnestly.
"Considering you've never done it before no not really." Kyle had taken a seat across from her. "Are you mad at her?" He asked. His head bowed down.
"I was" Marlene said hesitantly. "Really mad...it wasn't that she'd slept with Damien but it was more so the fact that she'd made a decision like that and not thought about me." Kyle nodded his head and Marlene could swear she caught tears in his eyes.
"I just don't get it, no matter how drunk you are it isn't like you forget you're seeing someone." Marlene nodded her head. "She just didn't care, she wanted to sleep with him."
"I've been friends with Pandora since first year Kyle and I still don't quite understand the inter-workings of her brain but despite the whole pretty girl, dumb blonde exterior she puts up she's quite sensitive and sometimes I think it gets hard to always feel as if you're thinking of other people and never getting thought of in return."
"So you cheat on your boyfriend?" Marlene sighed heavily. She'd never been great at explaining her thoughts.
"Sometimes it's just nice to think about how you feel in the moment and nothing else, despite all the repercussions that come with it and in that moment Panda was feeling drunk and lonely and while she was shagging Damien I doubt she was even thinking about who it was she was just lonely." Marlene's thoughts traveled to Sirius as she remembered what it was like the last time they'd slept together that night at the wedding and how it'd felt not thinking about anything or anyone as she let his hands travel down her dress...Jesus Marlene thought to herself shaking off the memory. What was she doing?
"I'm still so mad" Kyle said sounding less angry and instead sad.
"With good reason."
"But I...I love her." Marlene smiled, thankful that somehow her lacking words of wisdom had helped.
"Maybe you two could talk?" she suggested hopefully. "I know Panda would like that...she could explain everything." Kyle remained silent and Marlene worried for a moment he'd say no but finally he nodded his head in agreement.
Marlene hopped off the desk she'd been perched on grinning from ear to ear.
Marlene couldn't help but feel like cupid as she watched Panda and Kyle walk off down the corridor to find an empty room they could chat in. She was glad to have gotten her talk with Panda out of the way she early in the day and happily took her book down to the Great Hall ready to start reading. Marlene grabbed herself some lunch, her stomach growling due to her early breakfast, and opened the book. She was three pages in when she heard someone clearing their throat beside her. Marlene looked up and to her great disappointment found Damien Mattleson.
With reluctant hands she marked down her page and closed the book turning her attention to the body beside her.
"I was hoping-" he began but Marlene finished his sentence for him.
"Damien I'm sorry" she apologized before he could say another word. Damien looked confused. "I was really awful to you and you didn't deserve it..."
"I don't really know what you mean..." Damien said unsurely.
"I wasn't completely honest with you that night" Marlene said hoping Damien wouldn't respond badly. "Before you blurted out what you'd done over the holidays I'd been working up the courage to admit to you that I'd slept with someone as well..." Damien's expression changed from shock to anger and then softened.
"Oh" he said simply. Marlene waited, fighting the urge to bite her nails nervously, for Damien's response. "Wow."
"It's okay to be angry," Marlene said to him. "I deserve it Damien really I was completely unfair to you that night and I should have told you the truth right then and there."
"Marlene if you'd slept with someone as well then why were you so angry with me anyway?" Damien asked. He didn't sound angry but instead hurt which didn't make Marlene feel any better.
"I wasn't mad at you it was Panda I was really upset with it just kind of reflected on to you." Damien nodded his head slowly as if digesting the information.
"Who was it?" he asked, catching Marlene by surprise.
"What?"
"Who was it you slept with?" Marlene questioned telling Damien the truth. Sirius she was shouting in her head. I'm crazy about Sirius but she knew she'd regret it immediately afterwards. If she told Damien about Sirius he would share the news with his own friends and by the next morning the entire school would be whispering about how Marlene McKinnon had cheated on Damien with Sirius Black.
"Just this...It was this Irish wizard" Marlene lied. "Someone I met at the Longbottom wedding."
"Why?" Damien demanded his voice filled with pain.
"Oh I don't Damien the same reasons as you I suppose. I was drunk and we were dancing at this wedding and he was sweet talking me and I suppose I was rather lonely." No Marlene thought. This wasn't true at all. The truth was that whenever Sirius was around Marlene could no longer control herself, especially with Firewhiskey thrown into the mix. How could she? This was why she no longer let herself stay in a room with him for more than two minutes.
"You want to know why I came over here?" Damien said. Marlene nodded her head despite being nervous about his response. "I wanted to see if you might consider giving us another shot." Marlene felt her heart plummet. She'd never been terribly good at saying no.
"You could do so much better Damien" Marlene said to him honestly. "I mean I'm a mess, really. I'm really awful at relationships, I mean we weren't even dating and I still couldn't keep it together. You deserve someone who can give you more than that." Damien's brown eyes became droopy and sad.
"You're the type of girl guys are terrified of" Damien said, shaking his head.
"Why's that?"
"It's because you don't realize how attractive you are, not just physically but emotionally too. The visible beauty draws them in and then you've got this extremely seductive and compelling personality that keeps it going and so these guys they go crazy over you but you're never fully there. You're some where else...maybe there's someone else... but I swear to god who ever that person is that keeps you terrified to love anyone else...well he's just who ever guy wants to be." Marlene felt a lump form in her throat. She reached out a hand to caress Damien's cheek but he pulled away.
"I wish he was you Damien." She said sadly.
"Me too." Marlene looked down at her half eaten plate of food but she didn't have the stomach for it any longer. After a few seconds Damien got and and left without another word. Marlene wanted to read but she no longer felt in the mood for it and after playing with her food for a few minutes she got up and left as well.
She'd been so sure that after talking to both Damien and Panda she'd feel a weight lifted off her shoulders but instead she felt heavier than she had before.
Marlene sat at the desk in her dorm room finishing up her Transfiguration homework and writing a letter to her mother. It was around five that she started to hear people down stairs and realized that she had not once today managed to really read her book. Marlene padded down to the common room to find her friends, plus three of the Marauders, sitting around the fire. Peter and Mary were playing a game of Wizards Chess while Brooke, Sirius, and Remus were chatting.
Marlene questioned approaching the group but when Brooke caught her eye there was no turning back.
"Marly!" she called out beckoning her friend forward.
"Hey" Marlene said to the group, Sirius conveniently staring at the floor, as she sat down against Brooke's armchair. "Where were you last night?" She asked her curiously.
"You don't even want to know." I stared up at her for a few seconds in disgust.
"Right. Where are Lily and James?"
"Stayed behind" Remus answered. "They still wanted a bit of time to themselves." For a split second Marlene's eyes caught Sirius and she felt herself being drawn towards him. She wanted to wander towards the seat beside him and snuggle her head in the nook of his warm neck.
"Marlene?" Brooke asked pulling her from her thoughts.
"Yeah?" She replied as if she had not just been daydreaming about Sirius. Brooke looked at her unsurely before pulling a package of Cauldron Cakes from her bag and passing it in Marlene's direction.
"I was ordered to bring them back to you by a very bossy red head." Marlene chuckled, resting her head against Brooke's legs.
"Anyway how was your day McKinnon?" Marlene stomach did flips just thinking about it.
"Quiet" she lied, wishing it were true.
The group of them continued joking and chatting. They joked about how Kayla Boshack and Perry O'Harra had made plans in a fifth floor broom closet tonight and how Marietta Jones and Tyler Conner had been pulled apart while making out by the force of Professor McGonagall's wand.
After talking for a good hour the group finally decide it was time to head down for dinner. Marlene lagged behind a bit. She'd spent every minute since the Holidays avoiding Sirius and any attempt he made at telling her how he felt and now suddenly without any warning she was craving exactly that.
"Hey" Marlene said to Sirius quietly so that the rest of the group wouldn't hear. The two of them were walking at the back and when she came beside him they slowed down a bit.
"Hey."
"How was Hogsmeade?" Marlene asked struggling to make light conversation.
"Good" Sirius replied simply.
"Bring a date?" She asked only half jokingly. Sirius shook his head his hard grey eyes turning towards her.
"No." This is it Marlene thought to herself. Say it now. The two of them were just approaching the entrance hall and Marlene decided that whatever it was she wanted to say she better do it now.
"Sirius I-"
"Marlene!" Someone shouted from behind her. Marlene turned around to find Nathan Walters trotting down the stairs towards her. Nathan was the last person Marlene expected to be chasing her down, today especially. With his gorgeous blue eyes and dark black hair every girl at Hogwarts swooned at the sight of him and so she was sure he'd have a million plans for Valentines Day.
"Sorry" Marlene said to Sirius. "Just give me a moment." She turned back to Nathan who was now standing beside her seemingly out of breath. "Yeah?"
"I've been looking for you all day I couldn't find you anywhere in Hogsmeade" he said in an exasperated tone.
"I didn't go..." Marlene replied unsure as to why Nathan would be looking for her. Nathan was in Hufflepuff and Marlene and him had, had limited interactions.
"I was sort of hoping I'd find you in Hogsmeade and buy you a butter beer."
"Oh..." Marlene replied. She was lost for words.
"I've been hoping to ask you out since last year..." Marlene felt the colour begin to rise in her cheeks and she wished Nathan would stop talking right then. This could not be happening. Not now not with Sirius standing two feet away. Marlene turned around to find Sirius standing behind her with a rather surprised look his face.
"Do you think we'd be able to go somewhere a little more private and talk?" Nathan offered. Marlene placed a hand against her temple rubbing it as if she had a throbbing headache.
"Yeah I suppose..." Marlene replied. She turned back to face Sirius. "I'm sorry," she said, Nathan taking a hold of her hand without any consent. Sirius shrugged his shoulders and headed into the Great Hall leaving Marlene behind in his mist.
"You know due to my looks everythingeveryone always gets the idea that I'm quite the lady's man but you see I'm really not," Nathan said to Marlene despite her never asking. "I've really been waiting to properly ask you out since last year...the time just never felt quite right." Nathan was grinning at Marlene and she returned it with a faux smile.
"Are you trying to ask me out Nathan?" Marlene asked him with uncertainty.
"Yeah...I mean I feel like...well I've seen the way you've looked at me in potions." Marlene looked at Nathan in shock.
"I'm sorry?"
"Well I mean it's quite had to miss...it isn't as if I am judging you I'm quite honored really-!" Marlene tried not to laugh out loud.
"Nathan you've got it all wrong-" Marlene began but she could not change his mind now.
"Really Marlene it's fine I'm just glad we both feel the same way! Now we can stop all this silliness and just get together-"
"Nathan!" Marlene snapped finally managing to shut him up. "I'm really not interested in you."
"What to do you mean?" Nathan asked truly looking confused.
"I mean I don't like you, at least not in that kind of way."
"At least go on a date with me-"
"Nathan I'm not interested" Marlene replied, becoming impatient.
"Why?" he demanded. Despite Marlene knowing that Damien didn't deserve a response she gave him one anyway.
"There's someone else," she said proudly, and there was. Marlene could admit happily that there was someone else. Some special long haired Gryffindor occupying her mind. Nathan Walters was not going to leave this conversation with a smile but Marlene sure as hell was.
By the time Marlene returned to the Great Hall she was ready for the day to be over. Sirius was mysteriously missing and she worried immediately that it had something to do with Nathan interrupting them. Marlene spent the rest of the night after that tucked away in her dorm room finishing off all of her homework.
"Hey Marly" a chirpy voice said grabbing Marlene's attention. Her head popped up and she found Pandora sitting on the edge of her bed grinning widely.
"I'm staying with Ky tonight I just...I want to say thanks. You didn't have to help me out today considering I was such an awful friend to you."
"Lets not focus on it anymore" Marlene said reaching out and taking Panda's hand. "Have a good night with Kyle." Panda smiled brightly.
"Night Marly." She said sweetly before exiting the dorm, a little skip to her step. Not a second later, Brooke barged in the door Mary following closely in her tracks.
"Tell me who he was!" Mary said eagerly.
"No one Mary! I'm always out with boys..." Marlene's ears perked up at the sound of this. She was also curious about who Brooke had spent the previous night with.
"She's still not letting up is she?" Marlene asked Mary who shook her head furiously. "What about the rule?" Marlene asked turning to Brooke.
"What rule?" Brooke said playing stupid.
"Never under any circumstances do you stay the night" Mary and Marlene quoted in unison.
"Unless it wasn't a one night thing..." Said Mary excitement rising in her voice. Marlene looked over at Brooke who was beginning to turn a light shade of crimson.
"Piss off."
"Brooke!?" Marlene squealed not able to believe what was right under her nose.
"It's not like that!" Brooke snapped defensively. "I'm not interested in him."
"It always starts that way," Mary said with a sigh.
"I'm not looking for a relationship." Brooke said. Marlene felt nostalgic as he friend repeated a constant phase of hers. She could remember saying it, repeating it over and over in her head. She wasn't looking, and maybe she wasn't but you didn't get to control when things landed in your lap you just got to decide what you did with them. Marlene's thoughts, as always, traveled to a certain tall and long haired Gryffindor who was most likely sitting just bellow her in a comfy overly stuffed arm chair laughing with his friends.
When she was sure nearly everyone would have gone to bed Marlene snatched her book and headed down to the common room. She'd dressed casually in only a loose t-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. As she came to the last step she noticed a tall figure sitting on the couch by the fire.
"Sirius" Marlene said smiling slightly. He looked behind him, mildly surprised, and then turned back to face the fire.
"Were you looking for me?" He asked her. Marlene could tell something was bothering him as she moved forward sitting across from him on the couch.
"Are you upset?" she asked not bothering to answer his question first. Sirius shook his head but Marlene knew it was a lie. "If you're upset just say it-"
"What was that between you and Nathan?" Marlene couldn't be surprised. She had expected the question pop up eventually.
"He was trying to ask me out." Sirius' silence was enough to tell Marlene how he felt about the situation. "I'm not interested in Nathan Walters," she said. Although he tried to hide it his features immediately brightened.
"I thought he was the school catch" Sirius sniggered.
"Then I suppose he won't have any trouble finding someone else to ask out." Marlene replied with a small shrug. "Besides Nathan doesn't like me."
"He doesn't?" Sirius asked sounding unconvinced.
"He likes the idea of them. The person who sets me out to be in his mind but what does Nathan Walters actually know about me? We've possibly had three conversations in our seven years at Hogwarts." Sirius said nothing instead he sat still his eyes refusing to look in Marlene's direction. She felt her stomach twisting and turning the longer she stared at him.
"Sirius" she spoke up her voice warm and comforting. Marlene couldn't remember the last time she'd spoken to Sirius like that. He turned to her now and she could swear his grey eyes were watery and sad. Marlene had planned something to say in her head but now that she was staring in his eyes she couldn't manage to get the words out and so instead she leaned forward and kissed him.
He held her close to him so that the two of them were pressed against one another his hands tangled in her long blonde locks.
"I knew it!" Someone said happily from behind them. Marlene pulled away feeling frazzled and disoriented at first. She looked up to find Lily and James standing above them, a large grin plastered across Lily's pale and freckled cheeks.
"We were just heading up" James said giving his girlfriend a pointed look before he took her by the arm and started guiding her towards the stairs.
"I'll wait up for you Marly!" Lily called behind her shoulder. Once the pair was gone Marlene turned to face Sirius. It only took a second before both of them were laughing hysterically.
"I'm sorry" Marlene apologized once she'd gained the ability to speak again.
"Don't apologize...really" Sirius said. His eyes had brightened considerably as he stared at her now. "Marlene I still don't want-"
"A relationship" Marlene finished for him. "Yeah I know maybe we could just try this?"
"Getting caught by our friends making out?" Sirius asked curiously. Marlene chuckled, shaking her head.
"I was thinking something more along the lines of us not dating but having a few of the perks of it?"
"A friends with benefits type of situation?" Marlene cringed at the title.
"Or we could just do our own thing and not discuss it to death" she offered much happier with that then declaring themselves friends with benefits.
"Okay" Sirius agreed a sly smirk across his lips. Marlene leaned in once more and kissed them.
She had no idea what she'd just signed up for. The thought never crossed her mind that the small and replaceable moment she'd just shared with Sirius would end up being one of the first things she remembered the last few moments she had before she died. How could she? How could she ever have any idea of how important Sirius was going to become?
