Mario and Bowser's New Frenemy Adventure - SEASON TWO -
New Day, New Problems, 2nd Edition (Chapter Twelve)
Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo.
Author note: From this point on, things are definitely T rated. See bottom notes.
April 4, 444 CE
Famous events that happened on this day in history:
-Yux first spotted on moon
-Peanut butter and toe jam sandwiches invented
-Chancellor Toadsworth was born
-In Sarasaland, ancient explorer Zheng Koopa discovered a yellow crystalline noise making artifact. Old World Sarasaland civilization collapsed soon after.
"Look what I made. Your favorite, bro!"
Luigi slid a plate full of steaming pancakes covered in maple syrup across the table to Mario. He'd beaten his brother out of bed by twenty minutes or so for once. The elder plumber rubbed his eyes before accepting the plate and digging in. While they were eating, the radio tuned in to WMUSH first detailed some news about 'gangs in Toad Town', then in a talk show section asked the question, 'Is it better to be relevant or real?'
Luigi slid his empty plate aside. "What were you and the princess talking about last night?"
Mario yawned. "MK East were ran by hacks who thought they were being blackmailed by another hospital, but authorities couldn't find any evidence of that actually going on, and the two ringleaders of it all were attacked and are in the hospital themselves. Prison hospital... They have no idea who did the attacking."
"What about the sick?"
"The Case X patients were sent to MK Hospital South, not that that's doing much. The standard cure for Mushroom Flu doesn't work."
Luigi thought for a moment. "So… we absolutely need the cure Bowser is offering then."
Mario eyes dart up from the breakfast to him. "No… Never!"
"Then how-"
"I don't know what game Bowser is playing, but he wont' get away with it." Mario got up from the table and went in the bedroom, closing the door.
Luigi got up stood outside it, shocked by the outburst. "Mario, you don't really think Bowser was stringing us along all day, do you?"
Luigi thought about the clues: Bowser WAS the one to point out the tainted soda that belong to him, he did do anything entirely antagonistic while with them when he easily could have done so, and most importantly he ratted out his 'own' accomplishes. He wouldn't call Bowser innocent, but there was certainly more to it all.
Later Mario came out fully dressed and so without much speaking between them, they took the Mach bike over to Peach's Castle to deal with a Bowser complication for the umpteenth time.
After getting a tip from his police radio, Jelectro Bond arrived at the train yard at 8 am. The sun was low in the sky and dew drops were in the grass, though it sparse in the area. Bond's Aston Mushroom was given a quick look by the local police before they quickly rushed him.
"Sir, this is a crime scene."
Bond pretend to seem lost for a moment. "Mon ami, but I own stock here! See that? I just want to check it before it departs." Bond pointed to a train car on a rail that had, 'Gold Bars x3' on it, intentionally using his left arm to point, which had his shiny Rolex Submariner on it. Combined with the fancy car and casual wear of a green Hawaiian shirt, he had the perfect image of a rich but clueless guy.
The toad officer flushed. "I'm so sorry sir! Umm, just stay away from the taped area."
Bond began to walk towards 'his' expensive shipment cart with his attention actually directed a few rails to the left. There was a young koopa officer with a completely white face speaking to a spike detective with a trench coat and hat.
"Go around that train right there if you want to see. It ain't pretty," the officer told the spike.
Bond crawled under the locomotive to reach where few other officers and investigators were gathered closely. With his short stature, he had no trouble seeing pass their legs to the body on the ground. It was a goomba engineer with powdery brown skin, eyes dead and wide, and his mouth hung open. Laying only a few inches from his gape was a pink and red bloated looking organ with a trail of bile colored liquid.
"That's his liver," A raspy sounding crazee dayzee officer told the detective as he wrote down some notes. "It was squeezed out of him but his body doesn't have a single bruise on it, aside from maybe when he fell over dead. This will make the tenth homicide just this morning.."
Bond rubbed his tired eyes.
Bowser's Castle
Iggy was walking down the long dark stairway to the lab, listening to the soundtrack of 'Koopa Ball Z' on his MP3 player. The mad scientist had gotten the exactly two in a half hours of sleep he always got and felt great. His agenda for the day involved getting his 'womanizing spray' formula out of the prototype phase so that maybe he could finally have a girl to take with him to the comic con that was coming to Glitzville where he planned to get his physical copy of 'Death Streetpass' signed.
He paused the music to wave when he saw his brother down stairs. "Hey, Luddy-sama. What's shaking this morning?"
"Unfortunate events," Ludwig groaned as he twisted a crook out of his back. "I spent all night here and I cannot remember a thing!"
Iggy met him at the bottom. "What do you mean you can't?"
"Never mind, you surely have the backup notes that I always give you, correct? I know you have them. I usually put them under your pillow whilst you are asleep."
It was no easy feat, but Iggy was weirded out. "Umm… You only told me to contact those people King Dad fired, Slam and Sam, who now work in the video game store 'Play N Tirade' by the way. The rest you did all on your own. Also I really don't think you've been in my room recently or you would have commented on my giant Princess Rosalina Queen of Space figurine with removeable-"
"Shh!" Ludwig's hand covered Iggy's mouth. "You have just said something slightly not stupid! I did do it on my own, did I not? So independent was I that I failed to mention any of it to Vater."
"Mm mm mm!"
"Iggy, you scintillate today! Correct, I followed no usual procedure of mine in anyway, down to the sneaking into your room at night." Ludwig dug out from his pocket a crumpled yellow note with dozens of ideas written on it. "What is notable here to you?" He removed his hand.
Iggy slid his glasses close to his face. "I see by that faint liquid ring that you used the yellow memo pad that Kamek uses as a drink coaster and that you used that same fountain pen that Morton chewed on one time because it leaks, also you must of been holding the pen too tightly and your arm got tired, because you switched hands halfway through?"
Ludwig ripped the note apart. "Actually the point is, I threw it in the garbage! This Monday, our garbage collector was lingering around with that note and I hardly remember anything since then. In eliminating the impossible, it could only be that he did something to my sense of judgment. Why would I want you to contact former employees of the castle? Why would I use soda? Why would I get out of bed this morning without combing my hair? Come here."
Ludwig brushed pass Iggy to climb the steps.
"But, my womanizing spray!"
Ludwig stopped. "Iggy, if you do not direct your attention to greater matters, like fixing this mess, there may not be any females left to be... ugh... attracted to you!"
Iggy yanked the earbuds from his ears. "Say what?!"
"Let me rephrase. If you do not wish to help, remember that I control the server with your countless wasted hours of data on it… And your live streams!"
Ludwig sprinted up the steps before Iggy could retaliate.
...
Bowser was finally starting to relax in his hot tub when his bathroom door swung open and all of the steam in the room was sucked out, revealing a certain little tyke.
"Hey pops, look what I made!" Bowser Junior wore and army green colored Koopa Scouts uniform with dozens of badges pinned on it. His heavy backpack was still on his shoulders and jutting from it were flags, posters and other knickknacks. It was a miracle he could tote it all and still bounce about the bathroom like he'd consumed a spring mushroom.
Bowser sighed under his breath before trying to look cheery. "You're back! How was camp, son?"
"Good good good! It was so so cool!"
"Okay, so why don't you play in your room while I-"
Junior bum-rushed for the tub holding a glass container. "Look at my ant trooper farm! They're all poisonous, isn't that cool?!" Leaning over the edge of the tub, Junior pressed the ant farm into Bowser's face, who gently pushed it back.
"That's great Junior. Now listen, things went down Friday so we're going to have to head over to Peach's place in a little while. Remember her?"
"She's that woman you dream about that never dates you!"
Bowser slapped Junior, making suds splash everywhere before he remembered that Junior was supposed to be the 'favorite' of his kids. "Sorry son." Bowser rubbed the red spot on Junior's cheek, who quickly jerked away and crossed his arms.
"I know what that blonde bimbo wants and it ain't you dad! I'm short, not stupid."
Bowser growled, rumbling the room almost.
"I agree Vater, that is a sacrilegious venture, besides we all know Junior is both short and stupid!" Ludwig stood in the doorway. Thin perspiration was visible on his forehead.
"Not you too," Bowser leaned on one of his elbows. "Can't a koopa have a bath in the morning?"
"Not when Luddy-sama knows my VPN passcode!" Iggy ran inside and tackled Ludwig. When he hit the floor a number of objects few out of his jacket pocket, some makeup, a little glow in the dark stick, shutter sunglasses, a pocket thesaurus, and some portable DJ headphones.
"Ludwig! Give me back my 'Douchebag and Cabana' powder foundation kit!" a feminine voice screeched from outside the room.
Right then, the rest of the koopalings barged in.
"If you do not return my miniaturized thesaurus, I will never find out what bigger and better words I can use to impress my new pin pals on Facenote and Instaham! I will be a simpleton, stupid, Leston!"
A buffed out Koopaling crossed their arms. "Listen up, nerd. Give me back my new shades or else. They're gonna get me all the babes at school!"
"Ludwig, why did you take my glow stick? Now all of my stuffed animals can't have their sleep over and they're sad," someone bouncing on a ball said.
"Yo, I hate all of you. I used Wendy's credit card to buy those audiophile grade 'BATES' by Dr. Greg headphones so they better not be broken."
Wendy got in Larry's face. "It was YOU who put that charge on my 'Masterplan' card?"
Larry gulped just as the rest of the koopalings started their protests against Ludwig all over again.
"SHUT UP EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Bowser bellowed. "You are making me VERY ANGRY and now my bath is cold. What's the meaning of this 'brat' reunion?"
Ludwig picked himself up from the ground. "You may be wondering why I gathered you all here."
Roy snorted. "So we could beat up a pompous, supercilious, blue haired freak like you in one convenient location?"
Morton turned to Roy. "Did you read my thesaurus?"
"Umm, totally not, punk!"
Bowser growled.
Ludwig got himself together quickly. "Okay, so I was unsuccessful in developing a cure last night and my theory is that my mind was compromised by our renegade garbage collector. By the way, he did not turn in for his shift this morning might I add. I suggest the most rational course of action: request the help of some conveniently hardy mules- I mean, Mario and his associates to help us in the difficult process of obtaining parts of the cure I've hidden around the Mushroom Kingdom."
Bowser stared blankly. "But why did you do that?"
"Please do not question what my late night sleep deprived self that often sneaks into Iggy's room is capable of! Besides you cannot hide anything in Dark Land. The lava melts it, duh." Ludwig shrugged.
Everyone was mumbling and grumbling except for Junior, who had no idea what nonsense he'd came home to.
Mushroom Kingdom Hospital South was an old western style three story building with a hooded porch located at the foot of Mt. Rugged. There were a few cars in the parking and lots of yoshi carriages. Otherwise the area was barren. The wheels of the MKDCU van crawled to a stop in front of the entrance, causing the janitor that was outside mopping the porch to take notice.
"What in tarnation are you doing 'round here, Billy?" a red shelled koopa troopa janitor with a long gray ponytail and blue smock asked.
Parabilly rolled down the drivers window. "We're here to make sure you're not procrastinatin'. Missed a spot there!"
James hopped out of the truck from the passenger side. "So this is that twin brother Probabilly, huh?"
"Yup." Probabilly dunked the mop inside the bucket. "What brings you all city folk down here?"
"We don't want to step foot in Toad Town again after what happened.." James answered vaguely. "Anyway, here's da crew."
"Yo," Richard mumbled. He got out of the car with Wiggletron and Sebastian also exiting the back seats.
"Is dis really where they rounded up all the Case X patients? What's the report?"
Probabilly shrugged at James. "All I know is that I've been mopping all day. Once word got out that soda was tainted, folks lost their dern minds pouring it straight out of the cans to the floors, spitting it out, and worse!"
Probabilly went back to work as the MKDCU entered the hospital. The lobby was set up much like a saloon, complete with bar tables and barrels everywhere. Mounted on walls were taxidermy (despite unsettling implications in an anthropomorphic world), empty and dusty glass bottles, random 'yoshi wrestling' trophies, and pictures of the staff holding record holding cheep cheeps on fishing docks.
"Howdy ya'll!" greeted Rou T., the front desk Toad girl. She was young, maybe a freshman in college, and two blonde ponytails stuck out from under her cowboy hat. Her desk consisted of a fold up table with a computer on it and a La-Z-Boy she sat in.
James showed her a badge. "We're gonna need a full report of the transfer, see?"
She typed a few things into the computer, which had a Mushroom rebel flag set as the background wallpaper. "We have 'bout fifty folks here from that Case X business, and a few regulars."
"The medical records from Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East verified there were approximately sixty," Wiggletron said.
Rou T. typed something else in. "Sorry folks, I forgot! Our head nurse, Sheriff Jr. Troopa, sent a few to the Special World Hospital!"
"Daaaaang, that place is crazy!" Richard said.
Sebastian nodded. "And my friend's cousin's uncle's barber got sent there and never came back!"
"I have studied detailed accounts of their endeavors, and it does not bode well for any patients involved," Wiggs said gravely.
"Hold it boys," James said to his crew. He slapped on the desk a help needed advert torn from a newspaper. It promised payment of real gold coins for licensed medical practitioners to help out at the rustic hospital. "Dis still applies?"
Several robotic drones, resembling metallic flying mushrooms with arms, wheeled a hand full of 'Case X' Mushroom Flu patients through the metal folding door of the International Medical University of Special World. The red capped toad, suited in a white doctor coat with black pants and his head lamp off centered, that stood off to the side frowned when he realized there were no more than ten to check off the list. He was Drew Louis Diddley PhD, or Dr. Toad, the current president of the hospital.
"Sheriff, didn't we talk on the phone about this?"
Junior Troopa, wearing a black cowboy hat, strolled over to him. "Yep. Sure did, partner. Ten. Just like you agreed."
What was actually agreed were about half of the sixty confirmed cases of Mushroom Flu, if the records at MK East were to be relied upon, but Dr. Toad froze up. Jr. Troopa was just being the brat he always was and he didn't realize that he needed this opportunity to study Mushroom Flu patients because of its signature 'coma walking', Dr. Toad reasoned. (It revitalized areas of the brain even if they were degraded, like what could happen due to old age...or dementia.) His attention was then brought to a taxi pulling up before the hospital, presumably 'associates'. It wasn't like there were any other buildings around they could be visiting.
"Stop dreaming, Drew. We're pack'n up. Yee-haw!"
Dr. Toad's eye twitched. "It's Doctor Toad, but thanks anyway. I guess this will be enough for both a control and testing group for I and others involved in the project."
"It'll be enough alright. Sharing is caring! After all, you ARE just making them comfortable and not doing mad experiments based on some wild theory you got, right?" Jr. Troopa asked, nudging him.
"Definitely."
"Good! See ya around!" Jr. Troopa head back to the Southern hospital's helicopters that were parked in front. They were unmarked so they must have been rentals. Maybe he wasn't a brat after all if they were willing to rent aircraft for their sake..
Morris, or 'Professor X-naut' and his assistant Johnson came up from the taxi, arms filled to the brim with papers and folders.
"Hello, my dear fellow! I hope that I am not late," Morris said, with the assistant close behind.
"No, not at all, rather. They just arrived. Umm, didn't you get my text?"
Morris turned to Johnson, who nodded. "Oh right! I did not pick up my cousin until thirty minutes ago. Until then he was in his primary school with the phone powered off."
"I see. You know, this sort of thing wouldn't happen if I could contact you through your own cellphone."
"Me owning a cellphone? Good one! That was just as funny as that comedian I saw yesterday…" Morris and the assistant made their way in.
There was nothing more to do than to join them. Dr. Toad shut tight the metal doors and once more the hospital was isolated from the outside world. Dealing with Troopa had tired him out socially and thus he needed coffee. He went down a few hallways on way to his office when something buzzed in his jacket pocket.
"Hello."
"Hello?" There was static in the background. "Drew! I know you said to not call you at work but I need a place to hide. Please.." a lowish kind of dry sounding voice begged.
Dr. Toad stopped in his tracks. "Excuse me?"
"Yeah. Listen, I'm kind of banned from Toad Town now and even worse, I just woke up and saw dead people!"
"What?"
"I know, bro. Don't ask how he pass, he was just there when I woke up, but he did have this cool cell phone. By the way I'm in a train and I'm hungry and this dead guy only had one stick of gum and five dollars on him," the voice said matter of factly.
The toad doctor found reason to be relieved, even though no sane person would be. "How much trouble are you in on a scale of one to ten?"
"Probably one-hundred," the voice answered seriously.
Dr. Toad felt a chill. "Oh… Knock on the left side of the building when you get here. Okay? Bye." Dr. Toad slipped the phone into his jacket pocket.
"Drew, are you alright?" Morris asked, making Dr. Toad jump.
"Uh, sure. It was nothing. What's wrong?"
"I left my medical bag in your office. I just wanted to catch you before you were whisked away into some board meeting."
Dr. Toad led him to his private office, locked up very well as he couldn't stand the idea of people going through his personal things. Inside was sparse with his oak desk, basic chair, a few charts, a file cabinet, and Morris's ratty bag setting on the desk, which was promptly ignored by its owner.
"You did not tell me you acquired a new painting from Pablo Pizzacaso, the world famous painter and plumber!"
The X-naut PhD's attention was on a medium sized watercolor featuring two humanoid figures beside each other. The image was split down the middle: the left with a background consisting of black, blue, and purple hues. A figure stood like a silhouette, dark and blending in. The right side had lighter colors, red, orange, and yellow, but the figure was still black like a silhouette. 'Divided' was inscribed at the bottom of its red frame.
Dr. Toad felt a sweat coming on. "Oh you mean that. Umm, actually it's mine, or I painted it rather. Yeah, I spent the past week working on it at home. So.. what do you think?"
"It's quite good. What does it mean, however?"
"It's kind of personal. But thank you I guess," Dr. Toad said, meaning it.
Morris turned around with his hands clasped. "Fair enough... Do you ever go out? You hardly leave the hospital and being the new young president does not mean you must live here. Let me check if I have coupons for my other job at Club Gamecube." Morris picked up his bag and dumped the contents, syringes and other rusty medical tools, on the desk. Dr. Toad winched as it put gashes in the wood.
"Ah!" Morris held up a wrinkly coupon. "Buy one family special and get a free entree."
"We really should get going."
"Fine," Morris grumbled as he stuffed the equipment back in the bag. "I am just trying to help as a friend. It's unhealthy to stay in all day. Very unhealthy, like the electromagnetic fields from phones, airship chemical trails, and gluten products. Oh, if you ever stop by, we put on shows. This dark boo named 'Z' or something, tore the place up with this jokes about Bowser's Castle and how he could embarrass people on stage with furtive details he already knew about them."
Dr. Toad grabbed him by the collar. "What did he look like?"
Morris laughed it off. "Young, a few scars, kind of like a delinquent. Maybe he will stop by again, don't get so wrapped up!"
Dr. Toad let go and inched back. "Y-you're right," he stammered. "Sorry I- Uh... Let me grab some coffee and I'll meet you in the lab..."
Toadette marked things off on a clipboard. A Bowser attack or not, the castle still had to run itself. With Toad ill and Toadsworth retired, general management fell on the castle manager: namely her. Consequently she got up early and was constantly glancing at clocks and watches and schedule boards and down the halls and up the halls and even at the security cameras facing the castle's moat to make sure things were running right. Judging by the fact that a small fire broke out, the basement had a slow water leak, and no one even knew where the cleaning supplies were stored, they weren't.
Deep breaths, Toadette told herself. The Princess late last night gave her permission to invite a trusted intern to help run the place and the ding noise behind her meant that he was right on time. The elevator opened up, complete with white steam pouring out.
"Ready for adventure!" Captain Toad announced. He had a plain and youthful face, suited up with hiking clothes, a red scarf, a large backpack, and a head light. Toadette was familiar with him from a few treasure hunting adventures they'd been on and his rescue missions involving space.
"Hi Ms. Toadette," he greeted, flashing sparkly white teeth. "I understand you need a brave warrior on the field?"
"If by field you mean the castle, sure. Where is the rest of the brigade?"
Captain Toad pointed to his right bicep. "Right here is all we need. That, and I sent them on vacation. May I ask what I need to do?"
Toadette hid the clipboard behind her back. "Let's see… are you good at putting out fires, general plumbing work, and locating cleaning supplies?"
"Yes, yes, and yes."
They went upstairs the very few weekend staff were scarce knowing that Bowser would be showing up. Toadette only saw Buckenberry and Thomas the castle's front door guard. The guard was off to the side talking looking nervous and Buckenberry was heading right to them.
"So you're up to your job now?" he asked, addressing Captain Toad.
"Indeed I am! I'm going to keep you all in order during another daring adventure."
"...Actually your task is to help keep order INSIDE the castle."
"Oh of course, Ms. Toadette. That I will do," Captain Toad recovered smoothly.
"-Besides Blue, I knew you and Gold would be busy outside with the Marios when Bowser showed up and then probably off on an adventure or something afterwards. Captain will be gone by the end of the day. Wait, where's Gold?" Toadette looked around.
Buckenberry lost the defensive stance. "I don't know, he was still in the bed when I left the apartment. I woke up this early morning and he was blowing chunks in the bathroom."
Toadette made a face. "That was a bit too much info.."
Captain Toad faced her. "He could be suffering food poisoning or a virus. Or a mushroom overdose."
"No one asked you," Buckenberry said sharply. "Enjoy your indoors adventure, buddy."
Captain Toad's face never changed from a wide, if not mischievous, grin. "I will, Mr. Buckenberry. Trust me."
Just then everyone heard the low roar of a Koopa Airship. It shook the entire castle and cast a shadow over it that could be observed from the front foyer and mezzanine windows. The front door swung open to reveal Luigi's worried face.
"Bowser's here!"
Buckenberry head outside with Toadette (and Captain Toad) keeping a close eye out from the safety of the windows.
Mario and Peach stood right were the moat coming from the castle met the sandy ground. Their hair and clothing blew in the wind as Luigi and his toad companion joined them.
"We're giving Bowser the big news," Mario told everyone, his eyes not departing from the airship that steadily drew closer. This one wasn't the royal koopa family's typical ride. It looked worse for ware with sour looking wooden boards and lots of squeaks in the air as it made it overhead and landed right near the lake. Yellow dust stir up and emerging from it was King Bowser himself with a black cloak on that flow in the breeze still being generated from his ship.
"Attention Mushroom idiots! And of course my lovely Princess..." he added at the end in a softer tone. "You remember the ultimatum from last night, right?"
"We do," Mario answered.
Peach stepped forward to meet the king. "Bowser, let us be brief. You have affected my entire kingdom with your malicious ransom plots and deadly alchemical ways, but we will not play your twisted game. We are hopeful and we trust in the stars. The answer is no."
Mario readied his fists expecting some sort of conniption. Perhaps Bowser would order an all out attack on the castle right then and there, or he might try to run off with the Princess anyway. Bowser however didn't have any other battleships with him other than the one he arrived in, and instead of taking one step closer to the Princess, he smiled the same toothy grin Mario saw a lot. Cruel, dangerous, but... like an old vitriolic pal!
"That's fine then, whatever. I was hoping you'd say that 'cause I had a change of plans anyway. There was a bit of mix up in the castle so did y'all do good in science class? You see-"
"-Bowser, excuse me, but whatever are you talking about?" Peach interrupted.
"It's like this, hotness. Even if you gave yourself over to me, which would be great if you did it anyway, just putting that out there, we don't have the cure ourselves!"
Mario, Peach, Luigi, Buckenberry, and everyone eavesdropping from the castle gasped.
To be continued!
Author Notes: Would you know that I still have surprises in store? Stay tuned and please review.
Originally created: 4/13/18 – 5/19
Rewritten version dates: 5/20/18,- 5/29, 6/17, 7/13, 7/23- 8/6, 8/13, 14, 16
Revamp: 8/23/18, 8/27
Fun facts/ References:
-Parts of this (or at least the first drafts) were written during the one year anniversary ofChapter 15 titled 'New day. New problems' in "Mario and Bowser Frenemies Forever". That was not intentional but it was pretty awesome.
-International Medical University of Special World is a slightly non-indicative name but since it directly comes from Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever, I didn't want to change anything.
