Matsuda's relationships with all the adults became very strange after that day. The servants all became very stiff and awkward around him, and seemed to avoid him as much as possible. They no longer giggled behind his back. Had he frightened Watari so much during his brief, uncharacteristic anger, that the man had warned all the staff? In all honesty, Matsuda was still uncertain about what exactly, had happened to him that day. It had felt strange and dreamlike. It felt like he had not been himself. But when he tried to think of it the ideas that came to his head were so frightful that it made him ill. So he didn't.
His failing relationships with the adults around him would have worried Matsuda a lot more had it not been that his relationship with the boys had gone from strength to strength. Both had been on their best behaviour. They listened to him, even during the awkward talk when he explained why they shouldn't have kissed the way they had.
"It's a kind of kiss you only have for a lover," he had explained as they sat in an old bedroom which had been converted into a sort of classroom. Both boys sat behind desks. Matsuda stood facing them. "For someone who you are attracted to. And this only happens when you are an adult."
He had decided in the early hours of that morning (after being unable to sleep due to nightmares) to have a frank discussion with the boys about what they had done out in the rain. The fact that they had run off, scaring the life out of him, was all but forgotten. All Matsuda knew was that their souls were corrupted and that they needed saving. He also knew, in the back of his mind, that this was perhaps his own chance of redemption, to make up for all his failures, for letting down his father.
"But we do love each other." Responded Matt with an eagerness Matsuda couldn't help but find charming.
"Yes, but the love you have is different. It is fraternal. Brotherly. Not...well...not of a carnal desire...um, if you will."
"What does carnal mean?"
"Ah well, yes. Ahem. Well. Sexual boys. Sexual. When a man and woman love each other, they kiss and marry and then...then they have sexual relations. That brings forth children. Kissing is part of the act. It's only for them. Not for little brothers."
"We saw two people who were very in love kiss like that," said Matt after a moments silence. He sounded distant and a little dreamy. Matsuda suppressed a small smile, the boy was already a romantic, if he remembered someone else's love with such reverence. "It looked nice. We just wanted to try. And it felt nice, so we always do it. Because we love each other." He looked over at Mello and grinned. "We want to stay together forever. Even when we die." He finished on a whisper, but Matsuda heard it clearly. He felt his neck and face blushing. The boys gazed at one another.
"You will always be together. As brothers you are bound to one another. But one day you will meet people, women, who you love as a wife. It's powerful, but it won't replace the love you have for one another. There's lots of different types of love. The one that is sexual and one that is fraternal are both powerful, both enduring, but both are different to one another. Neither cancels the other out. But you are not meant to mix them either."
"Why?"
"Why? Because...well, because it's obscene. It just isn't done. There's no need."
"But who does it hurt?"
"Well, it's bad for society. But look, you don't need to worry. When you are older you'll fall in love, then you'll understand."
"Have you ever been in love?"
Matsuda laughed, his blush staying on his face. He thought of Misa, almost out of habit, but oddly enough, he didn't feel anything for her anymore. He wondered why was it her lack of interest in her own nephews that had appalled him? Instead his mind flashed to being back in the rain, a dark haired boy and a blond boy. He pushed that thought away. No, some things remained locked away. Some things needed to stay locked away...
"Well, I think I was once, but now I'm not so sure."
Mello leaned on one arm, "was it a man or a woman?"
Matsuda nearly fell over. He stared at Mello, feeling the colour drain from his face. Matt looked alarmed and stood slightly, as if to run over to Matsuda at any moment. Mello simply raised his eyebrow.
"It was a woman of course." (Oh God, what does he know?) "Men don't fall in love with men."
The boys looked at each other. "Are you sure?" Asked Matt. "What about the story you told me?"
"Wha-what story?"
"About the sun god and the beautiful boy who became a flower. Hyacinthus. That was his name. You were telling me about how Hyacinths got their name, and it was after him. I liked that story." Matt finished on a grin.
Matsuda instantly regretted him ever telling the little boy that story- what had he been thinking? "Well," could he salvage the situation? "Well, they, Hyacinthus, Zephyrus and Apollo were more like best friends. Very close best friends."
The boys looked unconvinced. Matsuda couldn't blame them. He had underestimated their intelligence. He had assumed Matt would not figure out the homosexual subtext to the Greek myth, and that the boys would accept his condemnations of their kissing without argument. They were too clever, and he was too stupid. A wave of low self esteem and self deprecation flooded over him.
"We knew two men who loved each other." Said Mello. Matsuda froze.
"Well sort of," replied Matt looking at his brother. "I'm not so sure..."
"They did!" Roared Mello, shocking everyone with his sudden ferocity. "They did love each other, equally! Lawliet was just being a tease!"
Matt shrugged and lowered himself further into his seat. Matsuda was slightly stunned by the turn of the conversation. How had they gotten to this? How would he handle it? He wasn't good at this sort of thing!
"Who-who said your tutor was a tease? Who taught you such a word?" He stammered out, already knowing the answer.
Mello straightened himself up, "it was Mr Yagami, Sir. He told me. Lawliet did love him. They kissed. They were in love."
"Ok boys, I'm going to be straight with you here. What Mr Yagami and Mr Lawliet did is against the law. It is against the law for two men or two women to be in a relationship together. It is illegal. You must never let anyone see you both kissing, you must never kiss like that ever again. In fact, don't kiss each other at all! I'm sorry but there it is. Mr Lawliet and Mr Yagami knew this. They should have never done anything in front of you."
The boys gaped as he watched them. Dear god, what else had Yagami done in front of them? What had he done to them? Mello in particular worried Matsuda. For the boys to be so sexualised so young... It didn't bear thinking about.
"We will go to church this afternoon," said Matsuda. "And for now we will study the Bible. I think it's best we leave the Grecian myths for now."
Looking glum, both boys took their King James' Bibles from their desks.
"Let's start," sighed Matsuda, "with the Book of Leviticus."
