D: dont own them, just having fun.

BY THE WAYSIDE

Chapter 12

Dean stood there, silent and still, his green eyes staring at the black car before him, transfixed. It couldn't be, it wasn't possible, his mind was playing tricks. 'It can't be.' But then, there he was, sitting in the impala as though nothing had happened, as though it were any regular day, any regular hunt. But this wasn't any day, wasn't any hunt, it was in fact one of the worse days of Dean's life. He had lost his dying brother, let a demon take him, and try as he might to keep up a brave front, Dean was cracking. And Sam sitting calmly in his car wasn't helping.

The older Winchester slowly approach his beloved car, his injured body surprisingly agile as he stealthily made his way towards his supposed to be possessed brother. Sam didn't move, didn't even flinch as he continued to stare down at something in his hands. And instantly, despite himself, Dean felt his senses calming and racing all at once. It was Sam, there was no other way for the boy in the car to be described. He wasn't possessed, he wasn't dying, he wasn't hurt in any way, he was just normal, just Sam.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sam asked, not looking up.

"Damn." Dean whispered, straightening as he made his way towards the passenger side window. "How did you know I was there?"

"I wasn't born yesterday."

"How long have you been here?" Dean asked, his brother's back still facing him, looking through something in the car. The older Winchester could feel his heart clenching, feel the bile rising in his throat. That voice, his brother's voice, was vacant, hollow, empty, and, Dean cringed, sounded as though there were no air behind it, the sound just echoing in from space. It was the Tulpa, he knew before he even laid eyes on the younger man, he could just feel it in the air. And it was disturbing.

"Dean, did you get hit over the head or something? You told me to wait here while you went to get some info. Which, by the way, was like an hour ago." Sam stated angrily, turning in the passenger seat to face his older brother.

Dean recoiled instantly, stepping back a good two feet when Sam turned his gaze upon him. His face was just so vacant, so lacking of emotions. And his eyes, oh god his eyes, there were no pupils, just slate black orbs floating on white. And, if not for the crutches, Dean was sure that the sight would have brought him to his knees. It was his brother, there before him, sitting in the impala just where he was supposed to be. At least, that is what Dean's mind kept chanting.

But this thing, this being, was not Sam, not even close. It was like a one dimensional version of a full spirit, shattered pieces of a complete person. He had no memories, no emotions, no thoughts besides what people imagined for him, what people dreamed up that he should be. He was like a character come to life, a person with no reality outside his own short story, and it was downright frightening. But still, somewhere beyond all that, deep within Dean's heart and soul there was a voice, quiet yet persistent that was now echoing in his ears. 'At least it's something.'

"No." Dean began after a few moments, the Tulpa still staring at him, vacant eyes marring his brother's face. "I just wasn't expecting you to sit around and wait for me."

"What was I supposed to do?" It asked flatly, not quite a question, but not really a snarky comment either.

"I don't know, you could have gotten coffee, or walked around."

It just sat there, silent and still, as though it were at a complete loss, waiting for some kind of command, like his brother's last statement had not even been spoken. 'Oh, god.' Dean thought, his mind suddenly reeling. This Sam, this tulpa before him was nothing other then the videos and the two paragraphs the Hell Hounds had managed to post. It was a ghost, a shadow of something supposedly alive, stuck in an endless loop of its final actions. This Sam didn't understand coffee, didn't understand anything outside of the hunt or the few bits of information Ed and Harry had managed to find.

"You could have done research." He stated, as though he had never made the comment about the coffee. That seemed to do the trick as the Tulpa flashed to life once more, staring hollowly at his brother, not a hint of sarcasm or banter. And Dean felt his heart shattering. He had to find his Sam, he had to save him. This tulpa was going to drive him mad, make the loss of his own brother even worse, and Dean suddenly found himself wishing that he had never come up with the idea in the first place.

"I didn't really feel like it. What did you find?"

"There's a group of cabins up Going to the Sun Highway, about twenty miles from here, I think that would be our best bet."

"You think the demon is there."

"Yeah." Dean answered slowly, the Tulpa shouldn't know anything about that.

"Well, don't get yourself almost killed this time."

'Oh, this was just great,' Dean thought to himself, 'The Hell Hounds must have added in what I told them.' Dean took a few deeps breaths before climbing into the car, the Tulpa staring incredulously at his crutches and brace.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"The demon, the one that almost killed me. Threw me off a cliff." But all he was met with was that empty stare. "I twisted it on my way into the library, there's a clinic next door, that's what took me so long."

"You should be more careful."

"Yeah, I guess I should." Dean answered half heartedly, the seriousness of his pseudo brother's tone too much for him. He needed to fix this, and fast.

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Sam could feel the anguish rolling off his brother in waves, the essence of the older man's soul reaching to him, flooding him from however far away the man actually was. He wanted to help him, to reach out to him, to comfort him, and it broke his heart knowing that he couldn't. But he had to stay hidden, had to keep what little strength he had managed to gain to himself. He knew Dean was on his way, knew he was looking for him, he could feel it, sense it in the other man's soul, and Sam knew that the best thing he could do now was hold on.

Something had effected his brother, something had startled him, scared him; he could feel it in the air, in the energy his starving soul was feeding off of. He didn't know what it was, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to find out. It was a rare thing to see his brother afraid, to see the older man as anything other then a born warrior. That was who Dean was, who his brother was. He was strong and brave and never afraid. At least, that was who his older brother was when they were still small children, and Sam was amazed that his view of the man had never changed. Dean was his big brother, always, whether Sam was twenty four or four. Dean was just Dean, his little brother's larger then life hero.

Over the past two years however, ever since his brother showed up on his doorstep, Sam had seen the hidden side of Dean more often. And he wished for nothing more then the power to fix it, to take away the pain, to help him through this life, just like Dean had done for him. Dean deserved more then he got, much more, and Sam was determined to let him know. He wouldn't lose his life to the Asura, wouldn't let his brother walk through this world alone. Dean had always defined himself by what he did, by those around him. He was Sam's big brother, and the younger man would never take that title away from him.

"Ah, Sam, so strong."

"Leave me alone." Sam answered defiantly, his world still shrouded in darkness. He was cold, so unbelievably cold. He could feel the chill surrounding his body, feel it drive itself deep into his soul. The Shadow had stopped walking nearly an hour ago, Sam unsure of the distance it had managed to travel, or even what direction the thing had gone. But, the cold had thankfully lessened, though only slightly, and Sam guessed that they were no longer outside. Though where he was was still a mystery.

"I am you, so how could I leave you alone?"

"You're not me!"

"I'm a part of you."

"Not for long."

"Why, because Dean will save you. Dean will make everything better again? Please, I can feel your brother, even at this very moment. He is broken, failing, falling. He will not save you."

"Wanna bet."

"Such blind faith, what do you see in that boy that wardens such obedience, such loyalty. He has made so many mistakes."

"He does the best he can."

"Like your father? He did the best he could and you turned your back on him. So, tell me, what makes Dean so much different?"

"He's my brother."

"And he did this to you, he bound me to you. And then he sat next to you in that god forsaken car for five months and did nothing."

"He didn't know."

"But he should have. He's a hunter, one of the best. He should have known."

"Don't blame him."

"Why? Because he doesn't deserve it, because everyone else already blames him for things that are beyond his control? You can have so much more then him."

"I don't want more."

"You're lying. You want a family, you want a home. You want normal."

"No I don't. I want this."

"I know about the Demon. I know that it wants you, wants all the children like you. You still crave normal, still long for your Jessica, still wish Dean never pulled you from that fire. I can feel it in you, growing in you. You wish you could go back to that night and save her, or die with her, anything other then this. You tell yourself that you want this life, need your brother, because you don't think you will ever be able to have anything else."

"Shut up!"

"Tell me, Sam. What would you do if I told you that wasn't true? If I told you there was a way that you could have Jessica back, that you could have a normal life? Would you take it?"

"What's the catch?" The logical part of Sam's mind knew not to listen, knew the demon was lying, ripping into his soul for its own gain. But his heart was screaming at him to take the chance, to save his love, to have what he wanted more then anything. He could wake up in the morning and be safe, be loved, be whole. And he wanted that, so much more then he would ever show. It was in every fiber of his being, every breath his body took. He could be loved, be normal, be a person again, and the Asura could give him just that. And, for an instant, no cost was too high for Sam to pay.

"No catch. Everything will be like it was before. Law school, marriage, children. And your family secret still be a secret. Sam, I can give you back your life at Stanford and then you will be free of me. We will both win. I can help you, Sam, but only if you let me."

TBC