Medley:
Chapter 12:
My Immortal:
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Evanescence: Fallen, 2003
Dawn came in a gray, drizzly, foggy, damp way. The air smelled smoky, ash covered everything and now with the addition of the rain, the ground was fast becoming a gray slippery, mess.
Danny woke first, cold and stiff, the blisters on his feet reminding him quickly of his situation. He remained still for a moment trying to put all the pieces together. He heard the patter of the rain overhead and remembered he was under a shelter. He heard the sound of breathing other than his own and felt the presence of another next to him and remembered that he and Martin had taken shelter together in their makeshift tent.
Breathing deeply he smelled the smoke and damp ash and then felt the tickle of a cough that began in his lungs and rattled his chest and windpipe and try as he might to stifle the rattle he began to cough and shudder. He sat as upright as was possible to stop the coughing and after a second had it under control. Glancing back he noticed Martin shift a bit but then settle back down; the guy was exhausted.
Not sure of what he'd find Danny plucked up the edge nearest him and peered out, everywhere he could see which wasn't much he saw gray, mist, rain and more gray. Sliding carefully out from under the shelter he stepped into the awakening day. Standing to his full six some foot height he stretched enjoying the sensation of releasing some of the tension from muscles and joints and hearing the satisfying pops as his neck and back cracked and straightened.
After a minute of stretching and straightening as best he could in his gear he felt the call of nature and trudged off to take care of that bit of business. Returning to the shelter he looked around again and noted that everything was smeared with ash and little rivulets of ashy deposits were winding their way across the terrain. Mother Nature was already trying to wash away the destruction. He wanted to rub the grit out of his eyes but his hands were still so grimy that he knew he'd only manage to smear more in, man how he wished for a toothbrush.
Tilting his head back and opening his mouth he managed to suck down some of the precious water that was falling from the sky, Don't know about getting it any fresher than that he thought wryly as he swallowed the second small mouthful. The short walk and now standing on his feet reminded them that his blisters needed to be attended to. Looking around he realized the best place to do that was underneath their makeshift shelter and as much as he wanted Martin to get some rest, they needed to fix themselves up and get out of here.
Stepping to the shelter he gently lifted the edge again and looked straight into the blinking eyes of his formerly slumbering partner.
"Morning, sweetie."
Danny grinned, now that was supposed to be his line.
"See, I told you, one night with the Dannyman, and they all want more." He retorted enjoying the shake of Martin's head and the flash of playful irritation that was sent his way.
In a few minutes Martin had basically copied Danny's earlier routine and the two of them were once again perched under their little shelter. Both had saved their little first aid kits when Putnam had had them repack certain essentials on their person, thankfully the kits were part of those essentials. It wasn't easy maneuvering under the little shelter but they managed to clean as much grime as possible off their hands by holding them outside of the shelter and then using their t-shirts as towels, having unzipped their coats and loosened their brush shirts. Now with their hands as clean as possible they carefully cleaned and dressed the blisters as best they could and, using some of the moleskin that came in the kits, fashioned some cushioning before slipping their socks back on and then pulling their boots back on. It wasn't great but it would help the blisters from getting any worse, well, it might.
Finally with that little bit of care out of the way they plundered the rest of their pockets and found that they still had some energy bars and a little trail mix as well as some MREs containing crackers and peanut butter. It wasn't much but both men opted for the crackers and peanut butter and managed to wash it down with some of the water that Mother Nature was providing.
"Mm-mm, Danny, you sure know how to treat a date."
"Yeah, well, for you, my outdoorsman guy, only the freshest water and nastiest tasting of freeze dried concoctions. At least I --- tailor my meals for my – uh, my---"
"Your what, Taylor and is that Taylormade meals or tailormade meals?" Martin stared at Danny and could have sworn that underneath the layer of grime there was a little flush of---yep, Danny was blushing. Martin chuckled, that was a first.
"Yeah, well, just never mind. Let's get the hell off this mountain." Danny huffed and then proceeded to pack up their shelters, folding them as carefully as possible and then realizing that they were stuck with carrying them as there wasn't any way to loop them over their backs or anything. Oh, well, it was all the protection they had and neither man was willing to part with the very items that had saved their lives.
Both men stood there, folded shelters clutched in their arms and then stared around them trying to think of the best direction to go. While down seemed logical the problem was that very shortly they would be into a heavily wooded area, well at least formerly it was wooded and that meant lots of falling snags, up meant the same thing, in fact, any direction really meant heading into danger. Both men remembered the direction that they had been led by their so-called guide and remembered the rocky outcropping.
"I'm thinking it's probably best to try to find some better protection before the wind really picks up. We were fine last night since the wind didn't really rattle anything but this area is too exposed, if those snags start falling they're likely to tumble right down on top of us."
"I agree, mi amigo. Back the way we came." Danny stepped quickly ahead of Martin and they both used their memory of the direction they had come to try and find their way back.
After about ten minutes both men were decidedly foot sore, their boots rubbing viciously even with the added layers they had provided. Also, the falling rain made for very difficult progress as they slipped and slid back up the hillside trying to angle their way up. They hadn't gotten very far when thudding sounds started to be heard. Stopping and standing still they listened and heard it again and then after a moment another.
"The wind is picking up. I think those are trees falling." Martin said.
"Me too. We'd better find some shelter and fast."
The two men were just inside an area that yesterday had been heavily populated with trees, now the ghostly remains of those trees stood or lay all around them. Struggling forward they continued on their slippery mission. Another 20 minutes of tense pushing brought them both to another small group of rocks but the area was too small to protect them.
"Nothing looks like I remember." Danny said.
"Same for me, I'm not even sure on the map where exactly we are." Martin agreed letting his gaze sweep all around him.
They struggled further but the elements were definitely against them as the wind started to whip down the mountain and the rain started blowing in their faces. The steady crash and thud of snags falling sent tremors of fear through both men as they imagined the next one to be their last. Finally Danny struggled to the top of a rise and saw exactly what they were looking for, protection.
Martin appeared right next to him in the next breath and both men ran full out for the safety of the rocky outcropping. This one wasn't the one they had come by the day previous in their mad rush to escape the fire, truth be told, neither man knew where that one was, but this one did have a large flat spot over which a substantial overhang offered protection from the falling debris, branches and even some of the rain that was falling.
Reaching their new sanctuary both men stooped down and crawled under the protection afforded by the rocks and huddled on the ground to sit out the next round Mother Nature seemed ready to hurl at them. Deciding to use their shelters in the next most logical manner, protection underneath and over them they spread one on the ground and wrapped the second around them and then pressed as far back under the rocky ledge as possible and watched as the wind whipped the rain across their field of vision. There would be no search party for them today that is if anyone thought they were alive.
After close to an hour of just sitting and watching with amazement alternating with fear as trees appeared on the side of their vision tumbling down the hillside and the noise seemed all encompassing, Danny leaned close to Martin's ear and yelled: "So, Nature Boy, is this enough for you?"
"Yeah, I'll take the subway at rush hour any time now. I've had enough of this!" Martin sent back, he truly had had enough of this assignment.
"Make you wish for the days of White Collar!?"
"Don't knock it, man, regular hours, nicer accommodations and travel; your favorite coffee shop on every corner, you'd like it!" Martin grinned despite the circumstances.
"Maybe I should look into it!" Danny shot back.
"Yeah, well, I heard there's an opening; guy like you; no problem!"
"Maybe I should—hey, what do you mean "guy like you" what's that all about?"
"Hey, you're hip, smart dresser, well accept for that jacket when Elena was undercover, and then there was that orangish and brown striped tie last week, what the hell was that?"
"Oh, that's nice, you talking to me about ties, I remember a certain striped one---"
"Hey, don't get me started, blue boy, you wore a pale blue polka dot thing, who picked that out?
"Hey, I killed in that tie!" Danny sent back.
"Yes, that's true, you did." Martin said solemnly, "You killed the eyesight of every person that had to look at that hideous thing."
A shift in the wind sent a stream of rain right under their shelter and straight into both men's faces instantly causing them to start blinking furiously trying to clear their eyes and coughing to clear the ashen, gritty moisture that coated their faces and dripped into their mouths.
"Okay. That's enough on fashion, me thinks Momma Nature no likey our talkie." Danny quipped trying to find something to wipe his mouth on and finally giving up the battle.
Both men leaned back and allowed the shelter they had wrapped around them to settle and cover their faces against the elements. Leaning against the cold, rough rocks they were grateful for the cushioning provided by their gear and the bit of warmth created by their bodies but still, both longed for a hot shower, steaming coffee and the blare of taxicabs, it would be a welcome return to some sense of normalcy.
After close to an hour had passed, and the weather showed no sign of improving although the roar of the falling snags had lessened a bit, Danny had nearly drifted off to sleep when he heard Martin ask:
"Why do you stay?"
Confused by the abruptness of the question, Danny thought for a moment.
"Why do I stay in MPU?"
"Yeah, you've been doing that for what, seven or eight years now, right?"
"Yeah, let's see, yeah, that's right, I was with the team almost a year and a half when you came on board, so yeah, a little over seven years."
"Well, before that you were in NYP, right, and studying for the bar, so why do you stay?"
"I don't know. To be honest my schooling is so rusty I don't think I could pass the bar and lately being a lawyer just isn't what I though it would be anymore, especially since that lawyer turned everything around with Carlos and made Elena seem like the baddie and now Carlos is free and clear."
Martin thought about that for a moment. He'd never wanted to be a lawyer, never wanted to be in politics; never wanted any of those so-called prestige jobs that his father and mother had always planned for him. True, he could do them, he wasn't all bad at politics but he just didn't have a taste for it. He liked the more hands on, the more earthy part of the work; he had Bonnie to thank for that.
"Okay. So no Taylor and Associates in your future, but you've never looked into counterterrorism or civil rights or major theft and violent crimes, why missing persons?" Martin pressed.
"I don't know, Martin, I really don't. I could say I like the work, and I do even though so much of it is finding out the worst about people and then not even having a happy ending once that's done. I mean, it's not like I was missing and then found and that's why I do it – because someone looked for and found me. I guess—I guess it's just where I fit in and I love the team, to be honest, the team is really what makes it work for me. I don't know what I'll do when Jack finally decides to leave.
"Maybe you should take his job." Martin nudged.
"Nah, let Vivian have it, or you – you'd be great at it. I like being the soldier that's who I am and I like it. I'm good at it and I understand it."
"Yeah, there is something to be said about understanding what you like and do and who you are." Martin added thoughtfully.
Both men settled into silence again as the wind and rain continued, occasionally interspersed with the loud thud of another snag falling. After another prolonged period of time had passed Danny suddenly spoke up having spent that time thinking on Martin's words.
"Are you thinking of leaving?" He hoped not, surely Martin wouldn't be that upset over Sam and Jack and whatever the hell was going on with them to decide to leave the team.
"No, you're not getting rid of me that easily. No, I was just wondering why you stayed because to be honest, there isn't anywhere else I want to be either, especially now." Martin answered.
"All right. I don't want to be breaking in another partner anytime too soon—especially now?" Danny turned to look and noted a light in Martin's eyes. "Give, Fitzgerald, you've been holding out on me."
"Yeah, I guess I have. All right, so here's the deal. Remember I said I've been doing some thinking and I said that I could get a date anytime I wanted to?"
"Yeah." Danny said slowly.
"Well, the fact is that there is someone I'm interested in and she's just in the process of moving to New York City to start her new job."
"Really, and who would this be, where did you meet her, how long have you known her, come on, man, stop holding out on me!"
"Her name is Holly Bennett, I met her at an FBI training seminar about six months ago, and we've been emailing and calling each other off and on since then. She's moving to NYC and doesn't know anyone there and I've been wondering if I should try to make something more of it than just casual friends and I've decided that I'm going to go for it, especially since I'm pretty certain she'd like more."
"So she works for the FBI?"
"No, she doesn't, she's going to work for the Chief Medical Examiner's office. She's a forensic pathologist. I met her when I went to that seminar on crime scenes and autopsies earlier this year."
"Uh, forensic pathologist, great, Martin, she sounds great." Danny wasn't sure what to think of someone who dealt with dead bodies all day.
"I know, it sounds dark, but Holly is anything but dark. She loves to hike and she's a runner. She's a big sports fan anything from cycling to soccer, to football, basketball and baseball. She loves to cook, she dances. She reads everything from trashy romance novels to the latest self-help book to autobiographies and the classics. She also paints watercolors. She likes to paint light, happy, sometimes just fluffy or whimsical watercolors and they're really good."
Danny thought about that last part. He'd been at Martin's about a month ago and had seen a watercolor painting in a simple frame hanging in his kitchen. He hadn't thought anything about it but now…
"She says she keeps so many outside interests to help separate her from her work and while she's all play when it's time to play, she's all work when it's time to work, and she loves the work because to her, everyone needs a voice and since the dead no longer have theirs, she's their voice."
"Sounds like you really like her." Danny was more encouraged, Martin was very animated talking about this Holly person. Still, he'd have to meet her and decide for himself.
"Yeah, I do, and yes, I can hear you thinking over there, I'll let you meet her. Actually, she emailed me just before we left and she said she was looking forward to NYC because of all the great clubs for dancing and that she wanted to learn how to dance the Salsa so we could go dancing together."
Danny burst out laughing. The though of Martin dancing the Salsa had him laughing out loud; he recovered as quickly as possible.
"I'm sorry, man, but she has met you, right?"
"Yes, she has met me and yes, she knows I don't dance the Salsa which is why she asked if I'd take the classes with her."
Danny was stunned; this Holly was coming on to Martin! He was so shocked he pulled the shelter off from their heads and stared Martin straight in the eye; Martin didn't flinch.
"She's totally coming on to you!"
"I know. I like it. I got her email the night I got home after Sam and the whole Lamaze coach scene. I was so angry and hurt and --- I don't know but then I opened my email and there was her message and I thought, this could be really great, and I do like her, however, I didn't want to treat her the way I felt Sam treated me. I don't think Sam meant to treat me as her transitional guy or her way of getting over Jack but in the end that's just how it became and it was an awful position to be in and I didn't want to do that to Holly so I didn't answer her.
Being away from the office, having time away from Sam and Jack and all that has given me time to clear my head; I'm ready. I'm ready for a change, and Holly is nothing like Sam and in other ways she's very much like Sam. She's driven in her work like Sam but she doesn't feel compelled to prove herself and fight every battle on her own. She's smart like Sam but she's also not afraid to be goofy and let her guard down. And yes, 'Mr. How does she look!' She looks nothing like Sam. She's taller, has reddish brown hair that's just to her shoulders and the greenest eyes you could ever imagine.
"So, once you learn to Salsa, I take it you and Holly and Elena and I will be hitting the clubs?" Danny challenged, relieved to see a light in his friend's eyes that hadn't been there for a long, long time.
"You're on." Martin sent back feeling a complete sense of contentment. He'd been thinking of Holly for a long time but with Sam there daily he hadn't been able to let go of the possibilities and even when she revealed she was pregnant he still had clung to some old-fashioned hope that she would turn to him and they could reignite what had been. All along he'd been communicating with Holly and she even knew that he'd been hurt, he hadn't told her everything other than it was someone that he worked with and that it hadn't gone well but Holly had been great and she understood having been there herself.
When she announced she was moving to NYC to take the job with the Chief Medical Examiner's office he'd been thrilled and torn at the same time but once Sam had made her feelings and intentions towards him crystal clear and yes, sometimes the piano on the head was really necessary, he'd paid more attention to his thoughts on Holly and realized that they had such an easy rapport with each other and they'd never even held hands. He knew so much about her childhood and growing up and her outlook and – and that was the kind of intimacy he wanted as well as the physical kind.
He didn't know if he and Holly had a chance at anything other than a great friendship but he was going to give it everything he had and he was smart enough in the whole dating dance ritual to know that one does not offer to go to dancing lessons and then out dancing the Salsa with someone without intending a little deeper hint. He was looking forward to getting home and calling her up, he might not even wait until he got to New York; he'd call as soon as he got to a phone.
While Martin sat thinking on Holly and the possibilities of a new beginning Danny sat next to him content that his friend had found a new outlook. They'd been through a lot, as friends, as partners and as a team especially in the last two years but now it seemed that everyone, well almost everyone, was headed in a good direction, he and Elena, Martin and perhaps this Holly person, Martin finally figuring out his and Sam's relationship.
The rain continued to fall keeping both men damp and cold and effectively assuring them of another day and night alone on this wretched hillside but both men were content in their minds that Mother Nature was doing a bit more than just washing away the scorched earth, something deeper and more personal, especially to Martin was being cleansed away and he was coming back to life.
Bring Me To Life:
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here there must be something more
Bring me to life
Evanescence: Fallen, 2003
