DISCLAIMER: Whoever said words don't hurt was never hit with a dictionary.
-and Allen's mad but I couldn't say anything because Mom and Dad and Gramps were there and I don't know what to do and I'm gay and my dad's homophobic so I couldn't tell Allen not to say he was bi without him demanding to know why and I'm gay and Dad kicked me out because I'm gay and Mom was being all cryptic and I'm gay and Allen doesn't know!" I finally pause to catch my breath then yell, "Yu~! What do I do?"
"It's Kanda!" The phone is sent into static as my friend snarls in the other end. "Look! You've been talking nonstop the last hour about your fuck up to me! Why am I being tortured because you're such a wuss?" He sighs impatiently, and I can almost see him rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Why does it matter you're gay and Allen doesn't know?"
I look around the empty house. It feels like the walls have ears when I whisper, "I think I like him…as in dirty thoughts like him."
Clack
Beep…Beep…Beep…
"Yu?" I wait a few seconds. "Yu~? Yu!" I frown at the phone. This is the third time he's hung up! I quickly punch back in his number, tapping my foot impatiently as it rings. "You know I'll go down to your house if you hang up again, right?" I question as soon as I hear the beep to leave the message.
Silence.
The sound of him picking up.
"…I hate you so much. Remind me why I let you walk away alive again everyday?"
I smile and know I've got him. "Because my awesomeness brightens up your day?" I flop onto the couch, flicking on the TV but turning the volume down low to have at least the illusion of life in the house. It's too still in here. "So…" I make a popping noise with my lips. "What do I do?"
Yu makes a sound like he's trying very hard not to reach through the phone and strangle me. "Stop talking and let me go to sleep."
"Did I wake you, Yu?" I move so I'm laying on my stomach, kick my feet in the air with the ankles crossed, and start twirling around a lock of hair for effect. "Are you naked?" I coo and pretend to swoon. "Still have that hot tattoo on your chest?" I wonder why he has it in the first place. He still hasn't told me.
I hear the noise of the phone rushing through air, probably heading for the phone hook, but it stops. "He'll just come here, he'll just come here," chants Yu, breathing deeply. "Listen very carefully," he says into the phone. "Go outside in your underwear and sit there for about six hours. It should help your problem."
I frown. "Sitting in the snow won't freeze the gay out of me. Tried it already." I glance outside and sigh at Allen's house, the insults he threw at me yesterday throbbing painfully in my gut. The time on the TV reads 11:30. I smile slightly to myself, knowing Allen's probably not even out of bed yet since I haven't woken him. I figure I should wait until Allen assures me he won't call the cops before I 'break in,' but I do have his presents. Will he care if I'm just returning his presents…and maybe apologizing while I'm at it?
Allen pivots on one foot and storms back to his house, back rigid with pride. "Don't ever come in my house again! I'll call the cops for breaking and entering!" I flinch as he slams the door loud enough to cause an avalanche. I'm already regretting the fight.
I push down the memory and focus on what Yu's saying.
"-don't give a shit. Just go say some sappy apology even if you don't mean it."
I roll my eyes. "He can tell when I faking."
"No fucking way!" Yu says, rage and respect tinting his voice. "Moyashi?" I hear his bed creak as he wakes up, clearly interested now. "You sure you're not just slipping, dumb rabbit?" The frustration in his voice almost makes me laugh. It took him a good year and a half to finally tell when I was faking; he's still confused even now at times.
"He's done more than see through it." I bite my lip. "Yu…it's harder than it used to be," I confess, my body lighter after admitting one of the things that's been on my mind ever since I first realized how much Allen speeds along my 'getting back to normal.'
I can almost see Yu's confused blink. "What the hell does that mean?"
"It means I'm screwed," I retort flatly.
"Kanda? Who're you on the phone with?" Lenalee?
"So Yu?" I ask, an evil smirk on my face. "Does Komui know his precious, treasured, missal-protected sister is in your room? You naughty, naughty boy!" I lower my voice. "Was that your Christmas present? How was it? Did you find out you're really gay, 'cause I'm open to-"
"Keep talking if you want to die." I shrug at the phone, not really reacting to his threatening tone.
"Ah! It's Lavi, right? Hold on while I go get the phone from the other room." I hear the sound of a door closing.
"Yu! Stop her!" I yell, sitting up.
"Why?" he snorts, the bed creaking through the phone again. I bet he just reclined back on his bed, completely laid-back and in no position to help me. "I don't see the big deal."
I sigh in exasperation. "Yu, don't you remember?" His silence answers for me. "Lenalee doesn't know-"
"Hello?" Lenalee asks innocently.
"-that I'm gay!" Wait…. I gulp. "Did you hear that, Lenalee?" I ask in a small voice, physically slapping myself in the forehead.
"…Yes."
Stupid! I should've just hung up! Great! Now I'll have Lenalee on my back. I haven't missed her teasing glances when she looks at Allen, the way she seems to want that stereotypical novel romance of falling in love with a band mate for her friend. Us falling asleep in that couple-like position a few months ago already reinforced her. This'll flip her lid!
I yank the phone away and prepare to hit the end call button when I hear Lenalee's voice scream, "Wait! Don't youhang up! I will drive down to your house so fast-"
I put the phone back to my ear. "What?" It comes out sharper than intended, but I'm not taking it back.
There's a few minutes of silence from all ends of the conversation. Please tell me I just didn't piss Lena off. There's a shot of static as Lenalee asks timidly, "Do you…like Allen, Lavi?"
I don't even realize I'm pacing till I freeze at Lenalee's dead-on question. "Define like," I choke out, knowing if I don't answer her now I'll get it later at band practice or school where other people could hear.
"Do you like him as in dirty thoughts like him?" I can picture her biting her lip in nervous anticipation.
Yu growls from his side. "If someone says that one more time…' He lets it hang menacingly. Who am I to ignore his obvious threat?
Only his bestest friend ever!
"Yes, Lenalee," I announce grandly, waving my free hand in the air for my own dramatic amusement. It least it takes away some of the nervousness. "I have dirty thoughts about Allen! Just last week, I had this dream where we were in Africa-"
"That's it!" Yu yells. I flinch involuntarily. He may be okay with me being gay, but he doesn't take kindly to me talking about my real love life in front of him. In retrospect, I should've told Lenalee sooner. She's the one I should be asking for advice. "I don't care what happens! Just keep your and Moyashi's problems out of my life!" I can barely hear a door slam open in the background over his yelling. "Bury the hatchet before practice! I don't want to see it! I'm hanging up!"
"Kanda, don't you dare!" Lenalee scolds right back, her voice coming from her and Yu's end. I hear her cover the mouth of the phone she's using, but I can hear her clear as day from Yu's. "He's coming out of the closet to us and it's over his friend! We need to be there for…" There's a moment of tense silence. I can almost see Yu gulp as she puts together his lack of reaction. "You knew and didn't tell me?"
"I'd run if I were Yu," I think out loud into the phone, feeling my only female friend's murderous rage from here. And I thought Yu was scary!
"I can't," he hisses into the phone, surprising me with his response. "She's blocking the door." He growls low in his throat. "She knows I won't hit a girl."
"What do you expect? She's Komui's sister." I idly play with a loose thread on my bandana, staring at Allen's house. Is that a light on? "I bet you anything she learned that trick from him." Damn it! I can't tell from here if it's just the sun or not!
"Why did you tell me sooner either, Lavi?"
Shit! "Um…well…you see," I stutter. "…Would you look at that! My phone's dying. Call you later, Yu!"
"Don't you dare-"
"You fucking piece of-"
Beep.
I successfully cut off Yu and Lenalee's voices and throw the phone on the couch, collapsing next to it. I lean my head back till it bumps the back of the couch and stare at the ceiling.
So now Lenalee knows. Great. That makes…five- no, six- that are aware I'm not the straightest stick on the tree...and that I like other sticks not leaves. Mom knew from the beginning; it took me more a year to tell Dad; Yu and Lenalee found out by mistake; and Gramps heard it from Mom. I think it goes without saying my boyfriend knew I was gay. The only person I want to know is the one who doesn't know. There's no way I can tell him. I know I'll chicken out. I wish Allen could just walk in on me being gay. It'd be easier than telling him.
…On second thought, walking in may not be such a good idea.
The phone rings. The screen lights up as it sounds, warning me that Yu- or Lenalee using his phone- is calling, but I ignore it. Thank god for caller ID. If I ever don't pick up the phone when Gramps calls, I won't hear the end of it. 'Where were you? Off with that useless band again?' he'd lecture before starting in on something else. 'You could at least clean up after yourself! Your underwear stinks, and I don't want to see those bizarre things when I'm trying to enjoy breakfast.' I guess seeing pink bunnies in the morning doesn't brighten up his day.
"Hi, you've reached the Deak's. Leave your number and we'll get back to you as soon as we can." A long, electronic beep sounds after the stereotypical speech before Lenalee's furious voice sounds.
"Lavi! I know you're there! Pick up this phone right now! We need to talk about this! …Fine. If you haven't apologized to Allen by the time school starts, I swear to god I'll tell him."
My eyes widen at the threat. I almost trip over myself as I dive for the phone. "Lenalee!" I yell, but all I'm met with is the sound of her hanging up and the dial tone. Shit, damn, and hell! If she tells, I'm screwed! Gramps'll kick me out; my friends, along with ZoNE, will be gone; and Leo will never let me out of his sight again! I can't go back to that suffocating house with him! Not after finally getting closer to 'normal!' I can actually relax now! Be myself! Going back there...
I hang up the phone on the hook and head up to my room to get dressed and grab Allen's presents. I grab the first pair of shoes I see and my house keys. There's no way I'm letting Lenalee blab, and if I have to swallow my pride and talk to Allen to keeping living here, then I will!
I'm not scared!
+...+
Holy shit that was horrifying!
After taking five minutes just to swallow my pride and doubts to walk over there, I get jumped! What the hell just attacked me? Was that a golden bear? It licked me! It has the taste of human flesh! Oh my god! I knew Allen was pissed but a bear? Who sets an evil woodland creature out on a friend!
Screw this! I'll try again later!
Or Tomorrow!
Eventually!
...I don't want to do this.
+Allen+
Lavi doesn't show up at my house the next morning.
I half expected the asswipe to break in through the window like always and wake me up in some awkward way like always, yelling about how it's winter vacation and we should be making snowmen or something…but he doesn't. I fact, I wake up at noon, the latest I've been able to sleep since moving here. Even Cross is up.
Apparently, fighting with your best frined, getting back your old pet, and finding out your uncle has a new trial tires you out. Who knew?
The surge of anger I feel quickly washes away the left over hurt and guilt. A voice in the back of my mind screams how impractical and idiotic my anger is, but, from my experience, anger is much better and easier than hurt or guilt.
So what do I do now? I gravitate toward the keyboard, but I can see Lavi's house from here. I mutter darkly under my breath and drag myself over to close the blinds. I collapse back down and start randomly playing. It takes a few minutes for me to realize I'm playing 'Mona Lisa.' I scowl at my traitorous hands and switch to a different song, only to end up playing 'Can You Keep a Secret." One more attempt ends up as "Over My Head." Getting out my clarinet (Which I now have to rename. I'm not suffering 'blowing' jokes from L- that ass) would be useless too. Great, I can't even play music now thanks to ZoNE!
I grab my phone and call Lenalee's number. No one picks up. I study Kanda's number- I don't even know how it got in there- before tossing my phone to the ground. I'm not that desperate. I doubt I ever will be.
I flop back on my bed and consider the wall for a minute before reaching for my binder. I open to a blank page and stare at it, waiting for the inspiration penguin to hit me. It seems he's been frozen into a block of ice because my mind goes white. I flip back and try to finish a few others, but it doesn't help. I put it back and look at the clock.
It's been half an hour.
Pissed and bored, I force myself to relocate to the living room. My mood ups a little when Timcanpy wakes up and runs joyfully to me. Cross isn't on the couch and his truck is still gone, so I'm on my own. That makes my mood half-way decent.
Grabbing the remote, I sit down on the alcohol-scented couch. I flip through the channels, half-watching various bits and pieces of shows and playing with Tim until he starts to scratch at the door to go outside. I slowly get up, legs cracking from sitting so long, and open the door for him. He dashes out without looking back. I return to the couch and continue channel surfing.
Hard and back realistic but not real gu-
Nishiura beat Tosei with a score of-
-card games on motor—
-Nunnaliy! We have to kill the tooth fai-
I think I hear yelling (Dear God! A bear!), but it must just be background noise.
Tim starts scratching at the door again. I let him in, noticing he's panting like he's just run half a mile. I eye him suspiciously and look for evidence he was chasing some poor animal like a rabbit, but he looks clean. Must have gotten away.
I flip through the channels some more before breaking out some of Cross' old movies and putting in the first part of 'Back to the Future' to try and curb my boredom. When it fails to completely distract me, I commit the ultimate offense of taking out one of Cross' video games. I give "Skyward Sword" a dirty look as I remember Lavi playing it. Another mix of guilt and anger flashes through me. I angrily turn on the game station, almost breaking the one button with the force I use, and stalk over to the couch. I need some mindless violence now.
Timcanpy dozes off next to me as I play, petting him whenever I can in between scenes and fights. I can feel my eyelids grow heavy as well, Tim acting like a space heater in the cold house. I'm half asleep when Cross walks in, thankfully without a whore or beer.
"Get off the couch," he says without much fire, walking towards the kitchen. He stops and looks at the screen before studying the movie and video cases in from of the TV. "Who the hell said you could play my games and watch my moives?" Cross growls, pissed now.
I roll my eyes at him, becoming more alert now with him in the house. Never know when you have to dodge an empty beer bottle. "Don't worry. There's not one new scratch on either of the discs, and the box doesn't even have a spec of dust on it."
I accidentally miss the ledge I was going for and fall into a bottomless pit, Link's scream echoing from the TV. I reappear back at the beginning of the room right in the middle of some monsters that I quickly take care of. If only I could just drop an unarmed Cross in the middle of some monsters. Of course, he'd probably have them all in debt in a matter of seconds. Sigh.
He considers me for a moment before continuing on to the kitchen. I notice with some annoyance he still has his snow-covered shoes on; the small piles of snow are starting to melt into the carpet. A few minutes pass before he comes back in, sits on the couch, and stretches out on it, shoes on my lap and with a beer in hand. Cross avoids settling his legs on Timcanpy, though, since we both know he'll bite without any remorse if you tick him off.
I pause the game and try to push him off, but he won't budge. I can feel my pants becoming cold and wet thanks to the snow on his boots. I scowl at him, earning nothing but a smirk. Holding down an agitated huff, I focus back on my game.
"So what the fuck's wrong with you?" Cross questions suddenly. I glance over at him, but he's focused on the TV.
I look back to the game and cock an eyebrow at the screen, successfully opening the door to get to the mini-boss. "Didn't know you cared."
"I don't." I hear the sounds of liquid flowing out of a bottle as he drinks. "The last time you touched my video games was when your 'gay' boyfriend dumped you for that hot chick." My hands clench around the controller, but I don't say anything. Yeah, it's still a sore subject. "I'm not having you moping around and ruining my classics because you're having problems."
"I'm not 'having problems,'" I growl, a clear and unintentional indicator I'm having problems.
"What happened this time? Someone walk in on you taking a piss?" Cross chuckles to himself, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
I want to laugh at the irony of his comment. "That's only half of it."
There have only been a few times I have honestly and completely shocked Cross. This just brought my grand total up.
"So what-his-face from next store saw your dick?" Cross asks bluntly. "What's wrong with that? You pee on him or something?" He snickers into his bottle as a flying tile hits Link. The game starts beeping to alert me that I'm going to be dead soon. "I've seen seven year-olds do better at this game than you."
"No, I didn't pee on him." I don't elaborate it was his dad that walked in, but instead make a show of shivering. "Why the hell were you watching a seven year-old?"
"Why the fuck didn't you lock the bathroom door?" he shoots back.
I smirk at the screen as link dies anticlimactically. "Touché." My fairy flies out and brings him back to life, hearts pinging as they fill back up. I go back to work on the stupid boss before the boss, rolling out of the way in time to avoid getting hit. My body physically jerks at each slim miss, thumb almost breaking the controller as I mash the joystick as far as it can go.
Cross growls a warning. "Break it and I break that weak thing you call a backbone."
I smash the joystick into the side again and blow a mocking kiss to Cross. "Say hi to Neah in prison for me." Yes, the repulsed look on his face is worth the two hearts I lost as that dumb boss hit me. Damn Nintendo and their bosses.
There's a moment of silence that makes me want to take back up previous statement for a reason I don't understand yet. Cross has obviously picked up on something I said. "So it's Neah?" Oh, there's the reason.
You know, if it was anyone but Cross, I might admit that, yeah, Neah's taking up a good chuck of my brain. But, for some reason, Lavi is the main driving force in my head right now. I'm mad he lied, I'm hurt we fought, I'm guilty I hurt him, and I don't know what to make of him not showing up this morning. Yes, I told him I'd call the cops, but I doubt he I can't get in contact with Lenalee.
It's weird, but I've gotten so accustomed to seeing my friends at least once a day that my whole world feels slightly tilted, like I'm on some slowly sinking ship in the ocean. I guess I never really realized how involved they are in my life…but I still know barely anything about Lavi, even though I'm closest to him. Kanda's a bit of an enigma too.
Neah would care about all this. He'd make me sit down and tell him what's wrong and wouldn't take no for an answer. He'd add a few jokes into the mix to keep the atmosphere from getting to heavy, but would know when to be serious.
"Are you gonna answer or not?"
But it's Cross, not Neah, so I shake my head no and close off all efforts he makes to find out what's wrong. Don't misunderstand him. Cross isn't concerned. He just hates being out of the loop.
"Son of a bitch!" I scream at the TV, resisting the urge to throw the controller. Between Cross' constant questions and the confusion of the 3D video game world, I want to scream.
Cross pauses his questions about Neah to criticize me. "You do know this is probably the easiest Zelda game ever made, right?" I angrily hit continue. "I see." He sets his now empty beer bottle on the floor, careful not to wake up the sleeping Timcanpy. "Well, shit. The only other thing that could piss you off this bad is that damn red head over there." I try to control my expression, but I know anger flickers on my face at the sound of Lavi's name. Cross snickers. "I see. What'd you do, go all gay on him?"
No, because then his homophobic dad would go ballistic, and Lavi would probably lie about that! But I'd have no idea why, and he won't tell me. But then, why should I know? I mean- hey- I'm only one of his best friends! Oh, but that'd be too easy! No, then he has the nerve to say I'm at fault for wanting to know him because I let my guard down!
The TV starts beeping again, alerting I have half a heart left.
"And you know what? He doesn't even come apologize! Uh-huh! Nope! That mother fucking prick just goes on with his life after ruining music for me! Shit, can't even play without ZoNE coming to mind and him with it! Dammit! What the hell is under his eye patch!"
Game over.
Link's dead.
Screw this.
It takes a few moments after my mental rant for me to process that it ended up a physical rant at some point. My chest is heaving with ebbing rage, fighting back the guilt that's been in me since the fight. I take a few shuttering breaths and don't dare look at Cross.
The house is silent. I can feel both the flea-bitten mutt and Tim's eyes on me. Cross is the first to break the silence.
"Great," He groans, "A gay crush on the neighbor's kid. Way to go, idiot."
My head snaps around, mouth gapping. Cross isn't on the couch anymore, but on his way to the kitchen for another drink. He left his empty bottle on the floor. I didn't even notice his feet had moved off me some point during our pathetic excuse of a conversation.
"I don't have a crush!" I yell. "I just…miss my friend…" I trail off, playing with the c-stick on the controller. That's all. Of course it impacts me this much! He's my friend. I felt this bad when we moved away from Lenalee too, except there was no fight and I wasn't filled with guilt or anger.
"Right," Cross drawls, picking up the small bag he uses to carry around whatever and throws it at me just for the hell of it. It's falls on my leg, the opening bursting open. Paper flies out, covering my lap. "Why don't you tell it to someone who cares?"
He retreats to his room, slamming the door loud enough to let me know he doesn't want to be disturbed. I frown down at my lap and sweep the scraps off, noticing with some disgust their filled all numbers and names. Seriously, why do girls like jerks like him? Did he capture Tinkerbell and force her to make him appealing to women? Uh! Some of it's even in my hair! Who the hell-
…Why does this paper say 'Neah?' This number isn't our old house's number. I fish out my phone, hesitating for only a moment before tapping in the number. They pick up on the second ring.
"State prison. How may we help you?"
I hang up. Maybe I am a coward after all.
+Lavi+
It's been two days since Allen's and my fight, school's tomorrow, and I've been ignoring Lenalee's 'let's talk about our feelings' calls all day. Needless to day it hasn't been a very productive holiday.
I'm so screwed! I could've apologized to him any time today or yesterday, bear be damned, but is seems like my legs just won't get up and walk over to his house. I've probably had five false attempts in the few hours, making it only as far as the door. God, I'm such a coward!
I don't even jump anymore as the phone goes off, just keep aimlessly flipping through the channels and making up my own dialogue to go with the muted commercials and shows. The 'Old Spice' commercial is the best to ad lib.
*Beep* Fine, Lavi. You win! This is my last call, but you better believe I'll tell Allen if you don't. He's your friend, Lavi, and you shouldn't leave him hanging. Sigh…just know that if you hurt him because you're too much of a chicken to tell him, they will never be able to find all the dust from your grated bones. *click*
Damn, she sounds serious. Maybe I should stop her from hanging out with Kanda so much. At least I've managed to skive off all her tries to get me to tell her why I've been so secretive. The easy way to do this would be to just tell her the whole story and fill in the gaps she has from what she's heard and what Komui's told her, but, even if I love Lenalee to death, there are some things I don't want anyone, let alone her, to know.
But she's right. I do need to tell Allen, but I don't want to. What I absolutely have to do is apologize. There's no way Allen's going to make the first move. I have to.
And yet my feet won't move.
I curse into the couch and let the remote fall to the ground. The channel randomly changes, and sound comes back. It must have landed on the mute button.
"-sponsored by BL Records, this is sure to be the big, new opportunity for bands all over the US."
That peeks my interest. I feel my arms hoist me up of their own volition, my eyes locked on the woman talking. The logo for BL Records, A giant B with the bottom of the backwards L making up the middle of the B, spins in the TV's background in the upper corner of the screen.
"Stations at points all over the country will be up for two weeks. First auditions will be a whole song, and secondary will be a crowd reaction test."
A popular band replaces the BL logo, the singer frozen in mid note with the guitarist behind him smiling as he plays.
"Cities containing the stations will be Washington D. C., San Francisco, New York, Houston, Chicago, and Orlando. Other cities will be drawn at random. Go to BLRecords/botb .net for audition times in each state and to see if a city near you has been picked." The band is replaced with an old guy. "Professor Oak's new invention-"
I switch off the TV and tear up the stairs, mind buzzing with possibilities. The computer feels like it takes forever to load, even though it can't be more than two minutes. The internet browser seems to taunt me with a white screen when I type in the address, taking forever to load. The page pops up, and I quickly click on 'Cities' tab. I scroll down the list, looking for PA locations. When I see Philadelphia I almost cry in relief. A little more reading shows anyone over the age of thirteen can enter with the signature of a parent. Yu can get Tiedoll's signature. That's all we really need if we say he's our manager. Gramps will never sign mine, Komui might be okay depending on how long we stay, and Cross.... Tiedoll's our best bet.
We can do this! This could be just the push I need to get Allen to put aside his stage fright again. As much as I hate to admit it, I know he has way more passion for music than me. I can hear him practicing even after practice and on days we're supposed to have a break. This competition could make him work hard, maybe even get him to show us himself all the things he writes instead of me sneaking peeks.
I'm out the door before I really register what's happening. The cold snow on my bare feet doesn't even reach my brain before I'm in Allen's warm house, grabbing him and babbling nonsense with the biggest, stupidest grin on my face. I think I may have physically shaken him a little too.
"Lavi!" Allen yells, pushing me away. "Calm down and speak slower. What happened? Are you hurt?" His eyes roam up and down my body, probably looking for cuts or something to see if I'm hurt. I ignore the slight thrill that passes through me and beam at him.
"A chance! Allen, ZoNE has a chance to get on TV!" I exclaim, grabbing his shoulders. "We could increase the fan base just by trying out! We're going to need practice, new songs, a YouTube page!" I babble, possibilities endless in my head.
"What chance?" Allen demands.
I stop and stare dumbly at him. "Didn't you see the news?" He shakes his head. "BL Records- the BL Records- is having a band competition! Allen, ZoNE could go somewhere with this." I smile at him and nervously run a hand through my hair. "We could go somewhere with this." Allen snorts skeptically, but I can see a small light in his eyes. I push harder. "Even if ZoNE doesn't win, we could catch the eye of another label. There's so much that could happen if we just take a chance!"
Allen's gray eyes snap up to mine, growing hard. He crosses his arms and glares, straightening his back like he's about to fight. "Yeah, if we could just take a chance," he repeats flatly.
I gulp, letting my hands drop off his shoulders, and look away, finally remembering I wasn't exactly talking to Allen. But this is a good thing! I need to apologize, and now it the perfect time…if I can get passed the lump in my throat. It doesn't help I've always hated to say I'm wrong since I was little. Saying you're sorry is like admitting you're in the wrong.
"I…" Come on! It's Allen! You're friend! Do it! "I…Imsorry," I mutter quickly to the ground.
Allen cocks an eyebrow, a small smile placing on his lips. "Sorry, didn't catch that. Try again." He cups his hand over his ear, leaning forward to hear better. He's enjoying this if the cruel little smile on his lips is anything to go by.
"I'm…I'm sor-"
Woof!
I jump about a foot in the air as the golden bear from yesterday runs out from deeper in the house, sniffing Allen. Backing away, I carefully watch the monster as it butts its head affectionately against Allen's leg.
"Why do you have a frickin' bear in your house?" I ask, almost flinching when that thing looks at me. I bet he's remembering the taste of my flesh! Strange. I always expected Yu to own the animals that would attack me.
Allen laughs and rubs its head. "This is Timcanpy. He went missing a few years ago; Cross found him." There are holes in that story so big I could fill it with a thousand fat giants. Why did he go missing? Why is he here now? Why the hell did Cross do something nice?
"It attacked me," I recall flatly, figuring asking Allen now is just a waste of time in the current situation.
"He," corrects Allen, "not it. So…" He steps forward and looks at me imploringly, keeping one hand on the monster. "I do believe you were just about to tell me something important that could very well get a certain jack ass out of Tim's dog house."
I frown at him. "When did Yu tick you off?"
Allen smiles evilly at me, hell fire spurting at his feet. Okay, not literally, but his expression is straight from the pits of hell itself. "Oh Tim~!" The hellhound perks up.
"I'm sorry!" I yell, holding up my arms to protect me. "Oh my god, don't let it kill me!" Trauma. So…much…trauma…and it's a golden color mixed with the slobber of a man-eater.
Allen stops, fixing me with an expecting look. "And?" he inquires with a pointed look at my eye patch.
"I love you?" I smile uncertainly, holding out my arms for a hug and ignoring the small, extremely stupid part of me having a heart attack at the fact I said I loved him, even if it was a joke.
"Lavi!"
"Couldn't you just wait, Allen?" I beg, dropping my arms. "I just said the 's' word. You have no idea how much I hate that word. I feel so unclean! Can't you just, I don't know, wait?"
Allen hisses out an aggravated breath and clenches his hands to his pants. "But I hate-" He cuts himself off. I watch curiously as his eyes drift to a breakable lamp then squeeze tightly closed to block it out, lips moving silently to himself. He takes a shuddering breath, and asks in a surprisingly steady voice, "How long will I have to wait?"
"Until Cross dies of a sexual disease." I keep my voice as serious as possible and am rewarded with a small smile. His hands relax, and he finally looks at me.
"I've been waiting years for that, Lavi. I doubt he'll do me the favor of killing over just so I can see under your eye patch." Allen looks as Timcanpy, his hand smoothly trailing over its fur. He really does love that dog. I've never seen such a gentle expression from him. I feel a pang and push it down. Can I really expect any different? I know I'd favor the killer animal over the closed-lipped, sexy but dickish red head any day.
Wait…no I wouldn't!
I control my huff and walk over to his couch, flopping down on it and grabbing the remote. Allen walks over and sits farther from me than usual, the monster jumping up on his lap and making itself comfortable. Even if Allen has grown, I'm surprised he doesn't break in half from the pure solid mass on him. Must be used to it.
I flip around his channels, not letting on I'm searching for something specific. I sigh when I see he doesn't even have the good basic cartoon channels and throw the remote to him.
Allen studies me curiously. "What where you looking for?"
I shrug, hiding my nervousness. "I prefer cartoons and anime over any of those other live actor shows," I admit, releasing the small little fact in air and waiting to see if he gets what I'm attempting to do.
Allen smiles and shakes his head, bangs falling over his eyes. He really needs a haircut. "You know, I'm not as surprised as I thought I'd be." There's the sound of a few more clicks of the remote before his face suddenly blooms in understanding. His eyes whip over to me. I blow a kiss and wave.
"Fine, I'll wait a little longer." He frowns at me. "But this better not be it. It's going to take a lot to match up to my arm." I nod. "You could just tell me about your parents." I stay silent. "Okay," he sighs.
"You're going to be more open too, right?" I press. "It's a little hypocritical when you push me for details but say nothing about yourself."
He doesn't say anything. Instead, Allen shifts over so we're closer like when we were watching 'Hey Arnold!' before. I ignore my heart's little burp and enjoy finally having my friend back. If he won't answer now, I can push him later when we're not on such thin ice.
+Allen+
There are few moments in life that I wish I could take back, even the times when things got to the point it was so bad a window ledge seemed pretty inviting or being a dealer in Vegas seemed like the best life plan ever. I usually learn some awesome life-lessons from these that makes it all worth it, like a two-story drop doesn't do it or hitchhiking to Vegas from England is impossible for a thirteen-year-old boy with two hundred dollars and no sense of direction.
The Voice showing up and bugging me about liking Lavi as a result of Cross bluntly stating I have a crush is not a life-lesson.
You know. The Voice! That stupid part of your brain that pops up when someone suggests you like someone that gauges your reaction to everything that person does. Does your heart beat faster when they're closer? Do you get nervous? What do you look like in their eyes? It's not so much a crush as you trying to figure out if you have a crush. We all have it! Don't you deny it! I'm not crazy! Insert eye twitch and insane laughter here.
...Anyway, this is no life-lesson, and I highly doubt it will turn into one.
I still haven't called Neah, my uncle who's been given a retrial at which I might have to testify again. I wussed out the day I 'got' the prison number from Cross (thank god it wasn't to some secret cell phone Neah kept hidden in his bed) and haven't been able to call. What do I say to the guy in jail I haven't spoken to in four years?
'Sorry?'
No.
'No offence, but I'm still scarred for life from the last trial. Mind if I skip?'
No.
'Hey, I know you're in jail and I've basically ignored your existence, but I'm having trouble with a friend now and want some of your 'don't-fuck-up' advice. You game?'
No.
'Sorry for not calling you. Want to know what I was doing? Trying to figure out if I like my straight friend. Could you tell me how to fix it?'
Yea-no.
Instead, I throw myself into working for the contest while the Voice hammers me. For example:
"My fingers…are they still there?" I moan. I try to make my hand into a fist, but I can't feel them. "Food…I need food," I moan. A full day of practice with a ten minute break for a doughnut doesn't agree with my stomach. I curl up on my side on the ground, eyebrow twitching as a drumstick pokes the small of my back.
"Shut up and get up," Kanda sneers, voice noticeably lacking fire. I hear him sit down as well, long ponytail brushing my ankle. He can try to hide it, but he's as tired as the rest of us. Lenalee is so lucky Komui came and bailed her out for the dentist. She even got to miss school and the big 'Jumbo January Jamboree' in swim class where you swim twenty laps without touching the bottom of the pool or resting.
"Get up, guys. We can run through it one more time," Lavi encourages weakly, barely any energy left in his voice. He groans. "What times is it anyway?"
I reach in my pocket and pull out my old phone. "Shit. It's eight." Good thing Cross is still home and can feed Tim, even this late in January. It's almost been a full month, and I'm going to have to work out how to take care of Tim and come to practice before he leaves again. It'd be easiest to bring Timcanpy with us to HQ, but Lavi's convinced he's going to be eaten by my dog.
"I don't like eight. It's too perfect with its symmetricalness," Lavi says, babbling to fill space.
I roll over to get a better look at him, careful not to mush my fingers under me or roll onto Kanda. "I don't know. I think sixty-nine's pretty jerkish."
I feel Kanda get up, his hair slapping me in the face on purpose. "I'm not staying here any longer with you idiots. I can feel my IQ points dropping."
I blink up innocently at him. "You have a brain? I thought it was just a sun-baked pickle."
"As apposed to the peanut you have for a brain," he snaps. Kanda walks away, his steps noticeably soft in comparison to the loud song he usually makes as he walks.
Do-Do-Beep
Kanda's ass lights up weakly.
"Cell phone's dying, Yu," Lavi offers helpfully.
"Least I can remember to charge my phone," I mutter loud enough for him to hear. Actually, I only have one bar left in the little battery on my screen that shows the power, but he doesn't need to know that.
"You're a pain in the ass!"
"Whoa!" Lavi screams, putting his hands over his ears. "Too much information, Yu! I don't want to know what you guys do when I'm not looking!" He looks forlornly at me then Kanda. "I can't believe you're cheating on me with the guy I cheated on you with. You're a cheating cheater!"
My arms are too tired to face palm, so I roll my head into the tile. "You are so stupid you deserve a facefloor."
I can hear Lavi start to rant about his 'epicness at being the first to get a facefloor' and block him out, focusing on returning the blood to my fingers. Seriously, is a small break too much to ask?
"-paying attention, Allen?"
I start and sit up, nodding sloppily at Lavi. "Sure."
He sighs and stands up from where he was leaning against a wall, stretching far enough to crack his back. Delightful. "When Allen starts spacing out, it's time to give up." Lavi offers me a hand I gratefully take.
This normally wouldn't have been a big deal, but I have the Voice now. Is my heart beating faster? Is my hand clammy? I can literally see the chibi Lavi (the Voice always takes the form of the person it's directed towards in chibi form. Just trust me.) yelling at the others (yes, it brings reinforcements) to check my vitals and blood pressure.
I usually picture swatting them with a flyswatter, but they always come back, like Cross when there's cheap women and alcohol. It doesn't help that I know I kind of lust after Lavi sometimes. Just a few and only when his shirt is off! I'm not going to jeopardize our friendship simply because I think I like him when it's just shallow lust.
Still, we were all fine. I didn't let it get in the way. I haven't pushed Lavi about his crap. I've learned a few new things about him and said some things in return. Things seemed pretty good, and we're all- yes, even Kanda, though he tries to hide it- excited for this contest. I even got the courage to show Lavi some lyrics I wrote, and it's one of our songs now.
Yeah, we were fine.
Were.
Then came the dreaded day. The day that can make you feel like the most pathetic asshole in the world just because everyone around you is enjoying themselves and you're not. The day that little kids look forward to but teenagers agonize over and plan in advance just so every damn thing goes amazing just to have that plan backfire.
The Day Hell Connects with the Earth.
The Day Cross has to go get Tested for AIDS Every Other Minute.
There's so Much Love and Heartbreak in the Halls I'm Choking on it Day.
The Day I Hate Because I Don't Have the Heart to Turn Down a Girl Day.
Yes, you guessed it:
Singles' Awareness Day.
Valentine's Day.
Do you get the Voice or is Allen really crazy? O.O
BL came from an artist's signature on a mural I passed every day at school, so salute to the person I've never met.
Can you guess all the commercial references?
Thanks for all reviews! 3 more and it hits 200! My goal is to end with more than 277, which is the number HTEF ended with. Anitnotice is already passing it in favs and alerts from when it ended! So:
Hey, I just met you
and this is crazy
but I want some feedback.
Could you review, maybe?
(Harsh review preferably)
