Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars. I raised my offer to five dollars but Disney still didn't accept.
A/N – I was super happy to have an entire hour to write while on the train to Manhattan and then my $30 round trip ticket (including subway fare!) blew away into the black void that is the universe's sense of humor. Second ticket in hand, here I go, writing this chapter. I'm just a little bitter.
Chapter 12
Several hours later, Neri paced her room anxiously. Kylo had not yet returned and she was beginning to grow foolishly worried. She did not know where his rooms were, where she could find him, and felt herself slowly going insane. She had lay on the bed admiring the landscape, taken a long bath, inspected every inch of her new space, but he had still not returned. She had no books, no diversions, and was beginning to get very restless.
Knowing that an individual such as her should not be plagued with idleness, she sat down on the floor by her window, folding her legs beneath her comfortably. She shut her eyes and her mind and focused on the quiet, soon slipping into a contented meditation. It was in this way that her teacher found her.
He had knocked on her door several times, saying her name loudly enough for her to hear but not loud enough to draw the attention of the few passing servicepersons and droids. He felt for her mind and received no response, no indication that she was present. Feeling a moment of panic, Kylo Ren opened the door and stepped inside, scanning the room frantically.
There she was, on the floor, the dying light of the day illuminating her serene features. She was still as death; the only indication that was still for this earth came from the slow, steady movements of her chest as she breathed. He stepped over to her quietly, dumbstruck that he had not been able to sense her presence at all. He knew he should not wake her, should not interrupt, but, judging from the setting sun, they did not have much time to prepare for the night's challenges.
Kylo gave himself another moment to appreciate her motionless form, the calm on her face that he had never seen before. She looked so innocent, so soothed by her momentary escape from the world. Her small hands rested on her thighs, fingertips massacred by her anxious picking. He wished she wouldn't do that to herself; he wished to hold those hands. Shaking his head, he snapped himself out of his reverie.
He bent down beside her, face next to her ear. "Neri," he whispered gently. "You must come back now." She stirred, not quite at the surface yet. "Come back to me now." His words sounded like a lover's invitation, he realized a moment too late. He hoped she did not truly hear him.
"Ky?" she murmured, eyes opening groggily. She yawned and saw his face beside her, not surprised by his presence in the least. He had called to her after all. Her smile was one to be expected after the best night's sleep, full and warm as she stretched. "Have you been here long? I was waiting for you."
Kylo felt his chest swelling at what she had called him. Ky? He could live with Ky. "No, I haven't been here long. I'm sorry I was delayed." He stood to his full height, holding his hand out to help her rise.
She took it, standing slowly on stiff legs. "Thank you," she said, looking up at him. "What time is it?"
He shrugged. "Nearing normal dinner time I think," he said, unbothered. She only then realized that he held something in his hand, aloft to keep it from dragging on the floor.
"What is that?" she asked, curiosity blossoming.
He just seemed to remember its presence as well. He fumbled with it for a moment, holding it out to her. "A dress," he muttered, stating the obvious once the garment was in her hands.
It was the most beautiful thing Neri had ever seen, more beautiful than her room and the sunset behind her. It was entirely and unsurprisingly black, the top made of delicate lacework over solid fabric that extended to the floor and would hug her small frame intimately. She looked at it as though it were a precious artifact, something priceless.
"Why are you giving me a dress? This cannot be part of my training."
Kylo ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick out at odd angles. "It is. Partly. There is a celebration of sorts tonight, to show those on the base that the First Order has not been crumbled by the attack on the Starkiller."
"Like a morale booster?"
He nodded, shrugging dismissively. "I think it's idiotic to do such a thing at times of war, but the commanders demand it. I suppose they think food and spirits will make better soldiers of their men."
Neri set the dress on her bed carefully, trying her best not to wrinkle it. "What does this celebration have to do with me?" she asked, as she was not a soldier of the First Order. Not directly anyway.
"We are expected to attend, you especially really." She looked puzzled at his words, so he continued. "You, in your training with me, show hope for progress, for growth. We don't have to be there for very long. They'll be drunk and distracted soon enough."
Neri mulled this over in her mind. "Okay," she said simply.
He inspected her face for an indication that more was in her thoughts. "Okay? Just like that? You aren't going to ask me a thousand more questions?"
"I have one more."
"Of course you do."
She looked up at him impishly. "Do you think my boots will show under this dress?"
With that, he shook his head in irritation and left her room. Her flats for the evening were left by the door a few moments later by a droid.
Neri looked at herself in her mirror nervously. She had smoothed her hair the best she could, fighting with a stubborn cowlick in the back that would not cooperate for the longest time. She finally ruffled it, settling for the tousled look. She had been given a small case of makeup for the evening but had no idea how to use it, having never worn any before. She had found a small tin of balm for her lips and slathered that on generously, storing it in her bathroom for future use. She knew that cracked lips were not to be had for the night.
When she slipped her dress down over her head, it felt like she was putting on a second skin. It hugged her as closely as she thought it would, and she was sure that it had been custom made for her measurements by the expert droids that always seemed to turn out new types of armor. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she supposed that was what she wore. She was going into battle after all.
She pulled on the shoes left for her, soft flats that she was endlessly grateful for, and then sat in her chair, waiting to be retrieved for the evening. Her stomach turned, butterflies rampantly fluttering about, and she rubbed her bare arms absentmindedly, wishing that they were covered. She had realized, when pulling her dress on, that the scars on her back were entirely covered, and she wondered if her teacher had any say in this, having been the only one to see them. She felt bare all the same, more skin showing than had been exposed in the past week. She missed her tunic and leggings, the safety of their coverage, and shook her head, telling herself she was an idiot.
Neri tried to calm her mind, but she was too excited, too anxious, or both. She jumped when there was a harsh knock on the door. She stood, smoothed the front of her dress down, and stepped carefully, trying not to trip. Pulling the door open, she was confused, as there stood a woman she had never seen before on the other side.
The woman was tall, far taller than her, with short blonde hair that nearly matched her own in color and length. She wore the dress uniform of a military woman, medals adorning her chest as much as any man on base. She looked down at Neri with no expression on her face, and the small woman was too stunned to try to read her emotions.
"Your master is delayed in coming, so I assured him that I would escort you to the party," the woman said curtly, and Neri felt herself nodding dumbly. She stepped into the hall and fell in with the woman.
"I'm sorry, I don't know your-"
The woman laughed suddenly, more of a bark than anything. "I forget that most people here haven't seen me without my mask." Her voice held a beautiful accent that mesmerized Neri. She wondered where she was from. "You may call me Phasma."
Neri knew that name, an image of the woman's uniform flashing in her mind's eye. "Yes, Captain Phasma, I'm so sorry. I haven't really met anyone."
"I would think not. I'm sure you've been busy with your training. Are you enjoying it?"
Something in the captain's tone made the hairs on Neri's neck stand on end and she thought that she should be very tactful with her responses to any inquiries. "My master is very strict, but structure is necessary in any training. As I'm sure you of all people know." The words came easily out of her mouth, and she wondered where she had learned to speak so smoothly. Kylo must have been rubbing off on her.
Captain Phasma smiled, satisfied with her answer. There was something in her eye that told Neri that their conversation would be far from private. She had to remember whom the captain answered to after all, niceties aside.
"And you were a Resistance fighter before, it must have been so difficult to choose to change sides so abruptly. Had you no loyalty to their cause?"
Neri chose not to be insulted by the captain's words. She knew that her loyalty would be questioned eventually, and she had thought of her answer each night before falling asleep in her former enemy's room. As she spoke, she wondered how much her words were true.
"My loyalties are, as ever, to myself. The Resistance gave me nothing, took everything. My master offered me everything and takes only what is needed to progress my training. He knew that I needed a teacher and I will serve him well."
"And serve the First Order well?"
Neri did not look at the captain, knowing that her face could betray her. "My master's master is mine as well," she said cryptically. The more time she spent in training, the less she thought that Kylo Ren had any loyalties towards the organization he found himself in. He only ever spoke of serving the Supreme Leader. This was not to be revealed by her.
The pair of women rounded a corner and, finally, they had arrived at the party. The room it was held in was huge, and Neri wondered how both that room and the hangar fit within the base. It must have been the size of a city. It looked like any other party she had seen, with food and drink and music coming from an unknown source. There was not a single stormtrooper uniform to be found, rather just men and women interacting casually in formal military dress. It unsettled Neri, knowing that any of these people would have killed her a week ago.
Several of the attendees looked at them when they walked in, nodding respectfully at their superior and then staring openly at her. Neri fought not to squirm, knowing that she must never appear frightened before these people. Weakness was not a tolerated attribute in the First Order. She lifted her chin and endured the stares, knowing that her novelty must soon wear off.
"Captain," said a low voice behind them. Neri felt her muscles relax at the familiarity of it, and she turned to face her teacher.
"Ah, Ren, I've delivered your apprentice in one piece as promised. If you'll excuse me, I am sure there is a very large drink waiting to be handed to me by my squad." With a curt nod to the both of them, Captain Phasma walked away.
Neri suddenly felt awkward with the man she had spent every waking moment with for the preceding week. She again felt bare and crossed her arms over her stomach as though that could help. She glanced at him, noticing that he had combed his hair for the occasion and that his clothing was slightly different, more formal. He looked very handsome, she thought, though she pushed this aside as quickly as it came.
"Come, let's get out of the doorway," he said, striding to a far corner of the room.
Neri again noticed herself being watched and, fortified by the presence of Kylo, she stared back at each person with a falsely knowing look that made them turn away immediately. She wondered if she appeared to be as intimidating as the man beside her and then laughed inwardly, knowing that she could never achieve such a thing.
They stood quietly for a moment, Neri still glaring at soldiers, but eventually she grew bored.
"What are we meant to do here?" she asked quietly, just loud enough for him to hear over the music.
He looked at her quickly and then away. "We are meant to look as though we know a great many secrets that they do not, and to look like we are sharing these secrets despite the revelry around us. I'll probably say something shocking and you'll be rightfully shocked but then quickly controlled, setting them tittering amongst themselves."
"Are we meant to always be separate from them?"
"We are separate from them Neri."
"Are they meant to be frightened of us?"
"If they are frightened, just think of how the enemy will feel. How do you think the stories of my viciousness spread? They are never meant to feel like my equal. It is…not my doing, just the way that it must be done."
She thought about this for a moment, knowing for a fact that Kylo Ren's scare tactics had worked on the entirety of the Resistance fighters. They were all terrified of him though she, knowing him better now than most, couldn't be motivated to feel the same way. "I understand."
They were quiet for a moment, Neri keeping her expression passive, nearly bored. She was becoming genuinely bored when her teacher's hushed voice startled her.
"You look very beautiful tonight Neri," he said so quietly that it could have been entirely to himself.
She blinked several times and glanced at him quickly before returning her eyes to the growing crowd. "If you are trying for shocking, that just isn't fair," she said, keeping her tone controlled. The butterflies in her stomach went mad.
His voice was as calm as ever. "You can feign shock later as I tell you of the weather or the new uniform regulations. Right now I'm merely speaking the truth."
She wanted to look at him, to find the lie, but she instead chewed the insides of her cheeks, staring at the crowd until her eyes watered. Words bubbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. "It isn't fair, you know, for you to go from lightness and cordiality to unaffected or brooding or dark within a matter of seconds. My training is not so advanced yet that I can keep up with the polarity."
Kylo Ren's eyes flew to her, genuinely taken back by her words. He was not surprised by the sentiment, but that she had spoken it. She had spoken no lies. He regained his composure in a split second, ever the master of falsity.
"It is not my intention to expose you to my extremes," he stated blandly, eyes focused on the floor. "You bring out both the best and worst in me, I suppose."
Neri was about to spin on her heel, to answer his cryptic nonsense head on, when she heard the last thing in the galaxy she wanted.
"Ren, Neri Lei, how lovely to see you here this evening." Hux's voice dripped with simulated sincerity and the young woman who now found herself too close to him fought the urge to gag.
She froze, the hairs on her neck raised. Kylo looked at her discreetly as they turned to face the general, and she felt calm washing over her that wasn't her own. The tendrils of his power enveloped her, willing her to feel protected. He would not let the snake harm her.
"Hux," Kylo said, his tone civil but curt. He stood tall, imposingly, and Neri was grateful for his presence.
"General." She wanted to run; she wanted to gouge the man's eyes out for traveling over her partially exposed body. Her face, her body, appeared calm, but in her head she had already fled the scene. Her teacher's presence in her mind was the only thing that kept her feet planted firmly where she stood.
"Come now," said Hux. "Why so serious? This is a party after all! Ren, you work her too hard, must let her have some fun! Especially when she looks so…magnificent." He stared at Neri until she returned his gaze, feeling like a prey that had been caught unawares. "Perhaps she'd like a drink or even a dance." The general held a hand out to her, gesturing that he would free her from the boredom of her company.
Neri spoke before Kylo could, the words flowing out of her mouth smoothly. "I do not dance or drink general, but thank you for your offer. Neither pursuit will aid me in my training."
"You don't think so?" Hux replied.
She smiled at him, thinking that perhaps she came across as alluring but having only murderous intentions. "Dancing won't save my life."
The look on Hux's face was pure malice, his eyes narrow and grin wolfish. "On this base it will," he said.
It was only after he had walked away that Neri realized his threat.
"What-" she started, looking at her teacher. His presence was gone from her, the false sense of calm removed. She fought to maintain her own serenity.
"I'll kill him if he so much as looks at you again," Kylo interrupted, seething. He looked down at her, his eyes searching her face. "You know that I will protect you don't you? Until you don't need me to anymore."
Neri shivered. "You cannot be with me always."
They spent the rest of their evening in silence, looking every bit as menacing and preoccupied as they were meant to. Neri thought she would become a great deceiver if she were forced to attend many more parties.
Just before midnight, Kylo walked with Neri slowly back to her rooms. They had not drank, had not danced, and had only eaten small bites of food offered to them by passing droids. Neri was too anxious too eat, Kylo too angry. He had tolerated Hux for too long, working with him to please Supreme Leader, but he had seen too much into the man's head to maintain civil indifference any longer. Didn't the general understand that she was not to be treated as some common whore, someone to lust after and drink in with greedy eyes? She was his apprentice, the next master of the Force. She was to be respected, if not elevated above the wretched fool.
They reached her rooms too quickly, Kylo not knowing what to say. It had been a disaster of an evening, between his foolish compliment and that snake's presence. Neri was completely out of sorts, irritated and anxious.
They stood at her closed door for a moment in silence, awkward despite their constant company of the past several days.
"Neri," he finally said, not meeting her eyes. "If I was too forward with my words-"
"You weren't. I am grateful for your compliment, only slightly taken back by it." She chewed her lips and Kylo's fingers twitched to touch them.
"Goodnight then." His words were slow, clumsy, and he found himself not wanting to leave. As he turned, his progress was halted suddenly by her arms around his middle, pulling herself flush to him.
He, not having been touched by anyone for a very long time, wrapped his arms around her slowly, unfamiliar with the sensation. Her body was warm, arms smooth where his fingertips lay. He shut his eyes, stifling the feeling of rightness he felt.
Her head barely reached his chin, feathery hair tickling his neck. Kylo's breath stilled as she pulled back, a blush on her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," she said sheepishly. "I just-thank you. For giving me calm."
With that, she turned on her heel and touched her finger to the keypad beside the door, stepping inside quickly before it closed. Her teacher was left there, dumbstruck, blinking at the wall for several moments.
He felt…full, as though his chest were about to explode. He felt cold, as though her small body was the only thing warming him. He felt desire but stifled it immediately, feeling guilty that he may be as lusty as the general. With a small smile, he turned and meandered back to his rooms.
Several minutes later, when Neri had taken off her shoes and was readying herself to remove her beautiful dress, there was a knock on the door. She chided herself for how excited she got at the thought of Kylo returning, regardless of his purpose. She had thought herself a fool for embracing him at all, for exposing herself to him in such a way, but perhaps she had been wrong.
She opened the door with a smile on her face, hopeful. "Did you forget some-" she started, only to freeze in her place.
The smiling face of General Hux greeted her, meanness in his eyes.
