Chapter 12. Tell me lies

AN: Anything you recognize from H50 I do not own. Unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine.


It's in your eyes, feelings can't be disguised

'Cause the truth makes me want you to tell me lies

My biggest fear is crying oceans of tears

I would rather you not be so sincere

-Tell Me Lies, Ashley Tisdale


"Kono?"

She freezes at the sound of Catherine's voice over the phone. She tries to answer but he throat seems to have seized up all of a sudden.

"Why can't you just leave him alone?"

The sharpness of the other woman's tone stuns her. What right does she have to ask her that? Who does she think she is? But as swiftly as her anger comes, it leaves just as quickly when she realizes that she does have a right after all. Because she's the one who's lying beside him right now. And she's the one he apparently called the minute he came back. She wills herself to hang up the phone without saying anything, if only to keep what's left of her pride, but…

"How is he?" The question is torn out of her because she has to know…needs to know.

"What do you think?"

She doesn't miss the sarcasm in Catherine's voice. "Why are you so angry?" She asks.

"Because it's your fault he's like this!"

Kono flinches at the way the other woman's voice breaks at the last word. And she wants to defend herself. That it's not her fault. She wants to tell her that she's suffering too. And she starts to, "I…"

But Catherine is relentless. "He needs to move on and the only way he can is if you let him go!"

But I have. She almost says aloud but she bites her lips because they both know that the fact that she's even making this call says otherwise.

There is a long silence on both ends before Catherine speaks again. "Kono…"

She thinks maybe she's only imagining the sudden softening of the other woman's voice so she stops her before she can speak further. After all, she can only take so much of the woman's bitter words. "I won't call again…just…" She swallows the lump in her throat and makes herself continue. "Just take care of him." She mentally congratulates herself for managing to say the words without her inner turmoil seeping through before hanging up.

And then she curls up in her bed and wills herself not to give in to the urge to cry.


She feels wretched. She tells herself she didn't do anything wrong. After all, if Steve had wanted her to be here, she would have been. And she tells herself that if Steve hadn't wanted her here, he'd have told her to go instead of taking her to bed. So really, she didn't do anything wrong. But the memory of the sound of Kono's voice as she asks her to take care of him makes a mockery of her self-justificationl. She almost gives in to the urge to call the other woman back…almost…

"Who was that?" Steve's sleepy voice breaks through her musings and she nearly drops his phone.

No one. The words catch in her throat before she can utter it. She makes herself put his phone back onto the nightstand and wills her hand not to tremble. She thinks maybe she won't be able to lie to him but when she finally makes herself look at him and she sees the hopeful look he is trying to mask in his eyes she steels her resolve. "Danny…just checking up on you." She is surprised at the ease with which the lie rolls off her tongue.

"Oh…"

She tells herself that the sudden twinge she feels somewhere in the vicinity of her chest when she sees the sudden dulling of his eyes at her words is nothing more than gas. And she tells herself that the smile she gives him isn't as forced as she thinks it is. And when she snuggles up to him and lays her head on his chest, she tells herself she's doing so because she wants to be close to him and not because she's not sure if her perfidy isn't visible on her face and so she needs to hide it from his gaze.

And when he settles back to sleep, she wills herself not to wallow in her guilt.


They both fail.


Chin freezes in the process of opening the front door when he sees that Steve has his gun cocked and pointed at him. "I take it your offer to let me hit you no longer stands?" He asks sardonically as he meets his team leader's gaze.

"Sorry…" Steve offers sheepishly as he thumbs the safety back on and puts his gun on the table. "Force of habit."

Chin tamps down the urge to ask why and how he's re-developed the habit. "I came by this morning…" he tells Steve instead.

"You did?" Steve asks him in surprise.

"I caught Catherine as she was about to leave and told her not to disturb you." He's unable to hide the censure in his voice. Steve visibly flinches at his words and he wills himself not to react because he's not supposed to know that his team leader was in fact the boyfriend his cousin had been hiding from him a couple of months back.

Of course, Steve has always been smart and he's not surprised when the former Navy SEAL meets his gaze squarely. "You knew?"

"Not at first…just…" he stops because if he continues he knows it would mean that they would have to get into what had happened between the younger man and his cousin and he's not entirely rational about that whole business just yet. So he wills the other man not to go there as he clenches his fists.

"Danny told me there were videos."

Of course he goes there and Chin has to force himself to unclench his fists. "Yes." That single word is all he can manage. The other man surprises him however when he picks up the gun on the table and proceeds to offer it up to him with the barrel pointed the other way. He raises his eyebrow at the younger man.

"Just put a damned bullet in me and get it over with."

He expects the former SEAL to flinch when he reaches out to take the gun and points it at him.

He doesn't.

So he cocks it and puts his forefinger on the trigger.

Steve doesn't even blink.

"Do it."

It is the look of pain he sees in the other man's eyes and not the steely challenge in his voice that Chin chooses to focus on and so he thumbs the safety back on and puts the gun back down on the table between them. "Your death wouldn't solve anything." He means to make the words gentle, but the memory of his cousin's torture makes it impossible to do so.

Steve gives a heavy sigh. "I guess not."

It takes a couple of minutes of silence before the question Chin knows is coming finally does. "How is she?"

"Catherine looked okay when I saw her this morning." He answers, deliberately misunderstanding.

Steve grimaces. "I didn't ask her to come."

"Did I say otherwise?"

"What the hell do you want me to say Chin?"

"To me? Nothing. It's none of my business. But to my cousin…" He bites back the rest of the sentence because he promised Kono he wouldn't do this.

Steve laughs. The kind of laugh that's painful to hear because it is without humor. "I'm sorry…it's just…" The former SEAL tries to stop laughing. "Your cousin f*cking hates even the ground I walk on…you really think she wants to listen to anything else I have to say anymore?"

He tells himself not to say anything. But the memory of Kono's reaction at hearing that Steve got shot comes back to him. And despite his feelings in the matter, he knows that whatever else they might say to the contrary, they both still care about each other. And really, the only way they could both heal from the ordeal is if both of them do it together.

Still, he needs to ask. "And Catherine?"


"What are you doing here?" Kono asks Danny when she finds him on her front door the next day.

"You look like hell." He ignores her question and greets her with his blunt observation.

She would protest but she knows he's right. "Thanks," she mutters before moving to let him in.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" He asks.

She looks at him in surprise. "Dressed? For what?"

He gives her an exasperated look. "Oh come on! You've been beside yourself the whole time he's been gone, don't tell me you're not even gonna go see him now?"

She doesn't say anything, hoping her silence is enough of an answer.

"Kono…"

"I can't." She finally answers.

"Can't? Or won't?"

"Can't!"

"And why is that?" he asks.

She wants to tell him about Catherine's words but that would only invite more questions from him so she just shrugs and avoids his gaze.

"He's really hurt you know…" He tells her quietly.

"Okay." She answers because what else can she say.

"So that's it?" Danny's voice rises unexpectedly. "That's the best you can do?"

"What do you want from me Danny?"

"You know what? Nothing… I don't even know why I bother with you both."

His obvious disappointment almost makes her give in and tell him about her talk with Catherine…almost. "Just...just let me know how he is…"

Danny looks at her like he can't believe what she's asking of him. "No. I'm not going back here to tell you how he is. If you really want to know, go see him yourself. I'm done."

It takes her almost an hour before she could make herself move after Danny leaves.


He dreamt about her all the time…about their first and only night together. Most days he wished he never wakes up. But always, cold reality rouses him.

He felt the soft arms wrapped around him and thought he was still dreaming. And so he tightened his arms around her and buried his face on her neck to inhale her scent. He froze because she smelled different.

And when he opened his eyes a different face stared up at him. The disappointment he felt was so sharp he knew that he'd failed in masking it from his face. But instead of drawing away, she forced a smile and acted as though he didn't just mentally slap her with his apologetic look. It was then that he realized just how badly he screwed up in accepting comfort from her last night.

"How are you feeling? Much better I hope." She asked and continued on without waiting for his answer. "Are you hungry? I can make you breakfast." She offered as she turned to avoid his gaze on the pretext of looking for her clothes.

"Cath…" he moved to gently touch her back. She stiffened at his touch and he felt like a heel. But he already had a hard time looking at himself in the mirror and if he continued this, pretty soon, he won't be able to look at all.

"Don't." She whispers.

"Cath…"

But she had already locked herself in the bathroom. When she finally emerged, she was all dressed and had her warpaint on.

"Hey! It was fun while it lasted huh?" She looked at him with an overly bright smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

So he nodded because what else could he do? "I'm so…"

She stopped him from apologizing by putting a hand over his mouth. "No, I'm sorry." She told him instead.

He wasn't quite sure what she was apologizing for because it was all on him. Just like it was all on him that Kono… He forcibly stopped himself from going there because it seemed even more disrespectful to the woman before him.

"Well I have a ship to catch so…I guess I'll see you around Sailor!"

He pretended he didnt' hear the falseness of the cheer in her voice. He thought maybe he should have done more…said more…after all, they had been together for years. It seemed a poor way to end things but the least he could do was to allow her to leave the way she wanted to.

And so he smiled and let her go without saying anything more.


AN: Aack! I know I promised to update sooner rather than later but well…RL has a way of throwing schedules out the door huh? Anyway, I hope you're still interested in reading. I think we may be nearing the completion on the project we're currently working on so more time to update..yay! I know this fic is just so full of angst and there doesn't seem to be any respite in sight…but there will be I promise (hopefully by the next chapter if my muses cooperate). Again, thanks for all the feedback and do let me know what you think. (update to OUaK will be out in a day or so, fingers crossed).

bushy4 – well, here's Catherine part II , oh and yes of course, K still loves S

pearlofeuphoria – glad you still love this fic (even if it got a bit confusing about which perspective is which in the last chapter)

guests 1&2 – thanks for taking the time out to leave feedback, I really appreciate it

TVFanatic97 – I was a bit hesitant about that cause I know it could (and did) get confusing, especially in my use of 'her' but I hope I didn't do too badly.

francis2 – I know it's sad but hopefully, things will start to look up

Shani8 - Although I'm not a big fan of Catherine for Steve, I didn't want to write her in the usual 'other-woman' mold so I'm glad you liked how I did it – and I hope the way I continued to write her here is still believable and in character and that even if she did something bad, you could at least understand where she's coming from

fairgirl – Kono's reunion with Steve is upcoming – not quite sure if it'll be something you're expecting though

Tiana-P – Glad you appreciated how I wrote Catherine (and I'm sorry I suck at leaving feedback myself – haven't had time to read other fics the last couple of weeks but I'm saving your updates as they come for when I can finally sit back and relax and read all those fics I've been missing…have a long vacation coming up in a couple of week's time so looking forward to reading all the lovely stories).