Still Learning to Love
"Good to see you, Miss Morgenstern. I am Ms. Inkster. How are you today?"
"Good," I reply, sliding down on a chair.
The school psychologist has short brown hair, and she looks younger than I expected. Not more than thirty, I bet.
And I am going to try my best to look normal.
"So, what class did you just have?" She asks.
"History," I tell her.
"Awesome, did you enjoy the class?"
"Yes," I lie.
I almost fell asleep.
"You can be honest with me. I know how everyone hates history. Including me," she says, winking.
I smile a bit. Maybe she isn't as bad as I thought.
"So what's your favorite subject?" She asks, her soft brown eyes on my green ones.
"Probably P.E. I mean, I love art, but I like to keep my drawings to myself, not in school."
God, did that sound like what someone with social anxiety disorder would say?
"Me too! I love art, but I don't really like showing my drawing to others."
Maybe not.
"So what do you like about P.E?"
"Well, I get to move around, and I like running and jumping."
Damn it, that probably makes me sound like someone with ADHD.
"Yeah, that's why I like it too. Although, I hit a few people in the nose with my elbow before. It wasn't nice."
"Hey, that happens to me too! My body is uncontrollable," I say, smiling.
Wait, what? Since when am I being so... Enthusiastic? But Ms. Inkster just laughs, her laughter like raindrop. I think I like it. Maybe I can actually grow to like this woman.
"But you still did the flips though," uh oh. Here it comes. "I thought it was so cool! Can you teach me sometimes?"
"Um... Sure," I say, shocked at her response.
"So tell me about your family."
I stop for a moment. What should I tell her?
"You don't have to if you don't want to," she quickly amends, noticing my hesitation.
"No, sure. It's not much, really."
"I'm listening," she says, propping her chin on her elbow.
"So, my mom's an artist-an amazing one," she used to be a shadowhunter and she used to be a rebellious one. "She has fiery red hair and green eyes like me. Everyone tells me I look like her, but I don't really see it. And... There's my brother. He's nice," except he tried to rape me. "He has pale blonde hair and black eyes," which are actually supposed to be green, but he was injected with demon blood. "And he's quite athletic."
"Your family sounds interesting."
"Not really, though. My father's dead," I killed him.
"Oh, Clary, I'm so sorry. You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."
I would love to congratulate it!
"That's okay. We weren't really close," in fact, I didn't know he was my father until I was sixteen! I thought he was supposed to be dead, but he was actually summoning a demon somewhere! "He had the same looks as my brother, and yeah... That's pretty much it."
"Do you miss your father a lot?"
Now, what would a normal girl say...
"Yeah, but I can handle it... He made me stronger somehow."
"Well, that's good. I remember when my aunt died. It was a car accident."
"I'm sorry," I whisper quietly, my mind suddenly wandering to Jace.
"She made me stronger just like your father did, and I am very thankful for that. Grieving over your loved one is something, and moving on from him or her is another. But that doesn't mean you can't do both."
I nod silently.
"And I'm sure that your father is right here with you. In your heart. He's always there."
We talk for a bit more, and I have to say, I think I've grown a little comfortable with her. She makes me feel safe. It feels like she's filling up the absence called sibling. And I like that.
When I walk outside, I find something unexpected. Someone. Trey.
"Trey!" I exclaim. "What are you doing here?"
"Clary, I am... So sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly. I should have listened to you, not just walk away. I was just so mad and confused. And I was wondering... Are we still in for it?"
"Of course, Trey. Of course. I understand you, and I'm sorry for not being able to explain. You're not the one who should be apologizing."
"I should have known better... I know you're not that kind of girl, and I'm sorry I said things like-"
"Trey, stop," I say softly. "No more of this, okay? It's over."
He nods, wrapping his arms around me. We stay like that for a while, enjoying each other's warmth.
"I missed you," I say.
"It was only yesterday we kissed."
I laugh, pulling away from him.
"Come on. Let's go home."
"So hot..." I murmer, fanning myself with the novel I was reading.
"It's the middle of July, Clary. What do you expect?" Sebastian says, chuckling behind me.
Ignoring him, I go back to reading.
"What book are you reading anyways?"
"None of your buisness."
"I bet that's like the thousandth time you said that to me."
"I don't care," I say, slouching deeper into the couch.
He kneels down beside me, trying to read the content.
"-how you turned those five goons into kangaroos- wait what? What kind of book is this?"
Snapping the book shut, I stand up, walking away from him.
"I'm finishing this in my room."
"You do that sister," he calls out after me.
When I get to my room, I check the calendar. Only two weeks until my birthday. My mom promised me she'd let me go to a waterpark on my birthday with my friends. I'm planning on bringing Trey, Derek, and a few others from school. I really want to bring Simon too, but he won't answer my calls.
Sighing, I lie down on my bed. What do I do?
Rummaging through my stuff, I get a certain number out. Ms. Inkster told me I can call her anytime I needed her. She and I got pretty close throughout a few meetings, and I found quite a lot of similarities between us.
"Hello?" She answers only after two rings.
"Hi, this is Clary? Clarissa Morgenstern?"
"Oh, hi, Clary. Everything alright?"
"Yeah, everything's fine."
"Well, it's good to hear your voice again. Are you enjoying your summer break?"
"Yup."
"Better enjoy it when you can," she says playfully.
Sometimes, I really think she's my friend.
"I just had something I wanted to talk about."
"Okay, what is it?"
"Well, there's a really close friend of mine," I start slowly. "But he's not calling me back these days, and I'm worried."
"Does this friend of yours go to this school?"
"He used to, but he's... Um, homeschooling."
"Oh. So he's not calling you back, huh?"
"We used to be really close, and I don't even know why."
"Maybe that's what you need to figure out first. Have you tried contacting his parents?"
Okay, what do I say to this? That he's actually a vampire?
"Yes, but they won't answer either."
"Tell me about this friend first."
"Well, we've basically watched each other grow up. And... He's nerdy and funny, and he's quite nice."
"Hmm, what about the environment he's growing up in?"
"Well, his parents are nice, and they are not really poor or something, although they aren't rich. He's educated quite well, and has a lot of friends. Oh, and he also has a girlfriend."
"Maybe the girlfriend's the reason why?"
"No, no, not at all. I know that for certain."
"How long has he been shutting you out?"
"Almost half a year."
"Wow. That must be tough. Look, do you trust him?"
"Of course I do. He's the only one I trust completely."
"Well, I think you should wait for a bit. If he's known you forever, I'm sure there is a reason. Be patient, and he'll soon come back to you. I swear that."
"What if he's abandoned me? For real?"
"I don't think he has. Do you have an ice cream at home?" she suddenly asks.
"Um... Yeah?"
"Okay, so here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna go downstairs, stuff yourself with that ice cream, and read a sappy sappy romance novel until you fall asleep. Got it?"
"Alright," I say, laughing. "I'll do that."
It's pass midnight, but I'm still reading this fucked up romance, putting more and more chocolate ice cream in my system. Finally thinking I'm going to puke if I continue, I reach out to turn the bedside lamp off with my stomach still pressed against the bed. I drop the bowl and the book on the floor and put my head on the pillow.
The night is silent until... Until I hear a series of footsteps that grows louder. I gulp, wondering what Sebastian is up to now. The noise suddenly stops, right in front of my bedroom. I clench the bedsheet, hoping he won't open the door. Damn it! The door creaks open, letting a streak of light come in.
Deep breath, Clary. Everything's okay.
"What are you doing here?" I hiss, still not turning toward him.
Sebastian doesn't answer, slowly approaching me. I turn to see him... And I realize... He has pitch black hair. Definitely not Sebastian's. And he has a blade in his hand.
Screaming silently, I stumble backward, leading myself to crash on the floor. I grunt, trying to ignore the pain. The boy jumps on my bed, staring down at me, ready to lunge. I pick up the lamp from the table, and throw it at him as hard as I can. With a growl, he reflexively block the throw with his elbow.
I stand up, running out for the door, but the boy grabs me by the back of my shirt, making me fall down again. But I bring him down with me, him landing on top of me. I try to get him off me, sending random punches toward his direction.
Dodging my blows, he brings the blade down, but in the last second, I move my head to he side and it only grazes my ear. Feeling blood pouring down, I grab his wrist that has the blade and fight back, but only to realize how strong he is. So I pull my knee up to his groin, pushing him off me while he groans in pain. In the semi-darkness, I search for the book I was reading and bring it down on his face multiple times.
God, Jace. Why is this keep happening to me?
Then, in the last moment, he grabs the book and throws it away. And just as he raises his blade again, I get the ice cream bowl and fling it at his hand. The blade and the bowl finds themselves scattered on the floor and both of us reach for it.
But only if I wasn't so foolish. He grabs my reached out arm with another hand, twisting it almost to the point of breaking. I let out a strangled scream, throwing my other fist everywhere except for his face. I finally let my foot collide with his jaw just as he grabs his blade back.
He pushes me against the floor with his forearm on my neck, choking me. And just then, the door opens more widely, revealing Sebastian, leaning against the doorframe.
"Well, well, well. Lucas. Nice to see you here. Choking my dear sister to death, I see. I thought we had an agreement?" He says, calmly as usual.
So this is the Lucas Ashtail. Finally got to actually see his face, huh? Just when he's about to kill me.
"Sebastian," he smirks, blood dripping down from his cracked lips to my cheek. "I've been waiting for you to come."
"I can see that. Release her," he says, coldly.
"In your dreams. You know what I want. Come on, give me one chance."
"Holding my sister as a hostage, eh? Cliche."
"What the hell are you guys talking about?" I pant, still pinned against the floor.
"Careful now, Lucas," Sebastian says, but not losing the confidence in his voice.
"I'm tired of this. I want you to replace her."
"Then who will be the sacrifice?"
"Her," he says, pointing the blade at me.
"No can do. You are. And you're going to listen to me."
"No, you listen!" He snarls, pressing the sharp, cold blade against the skin of my neck.
I gasp at the sudden sensation.
"If you kill her... If she dies, then who?" Sebastian asks again.
"Anyone. Anyone can replace her."
Sebastian clenches and unclenches his jaw, glaring at the boy.
"Let go of her, boy."
His grip on the blade only tightens, my blood tickling down my collarbone.
"Give me the bracelets!" He yells.
"Now, now, don't want to wake Clarissa's mother, do we?"
"Liar," Lucas hisses. "I know she's not home."
"Well, that's very clever of you. However this-" he motions. "Is not. If you want to stay alive, let go of my sister."
"Why should I? Three seconds. That's all you get. You don't want your precious sister to die, do you?"
"Go ahead," he says, and I visually gulp.
"Three."
Sebastian remains his calm posture.
"Two."
I can literally feel Lucas's muscles tensing. Shit, help!
"One."
And just before Lucas can end my life, Sebastian lunges toward him, pushing him off me. I gasp, not paying attention to them, but in breathing. I press against the light wound on my neck while Sebastian stands up, leaving Lucas limp on the ground.
"Is he...?"
"He'll live," Sebastian answers, dragging the body. "He won't do that again."
"We're you guys... Talking about your plan?" I ask, hoping he'd answer.
"Look, Clarissa. I want you to forget everything that happened. Got it?"
"But-"
"Thank you," he says, walking out and closing the door.
Letting out a noise of exasperation, I collapse on my bed, closing my eyes. What the hell just happened?
Oh, come on, Clary. Are you sure that's everyone who's coming to the waterpark? Hm? Hm? I'm sure someone else wants to come. ;) Well, I hope you enjoyed that chapter and thanks for reviewing!
