Author's Note: I know it's been a little while since my last update, but here's the 12th installment in this storyline. I have however to make an important point,my story portrays situations of suicide, drug addiction, and abuse if you or someone you know is considering suicide or exhibiting self harm behaviours please encourage them to seek immediate help or call a hotline this number is for the U.S. 1-800-273-8255 if they are LGBT they can call the Trevor Project hotline which runs 24 hours and is completely confidential at 866.488.7386. Thank you.

Ch.12 Oh How it Feels so Real, Lying here with no one near

James

When I got the call from Mrs. Knight asking where I had put the rings that were on the table, I knew that Kendall had taken them. Valuables like Mrs. Knight's rings could be pawned or sold for quick cash by an addict like Kendall. I rolled out of bed more easily this time having had time to heal since friday night, my jaw is getting much closer to its' natural state. Bruises that were deep purple had faded to a yellow color. I dressed quickly in the mid-morning light and got into the car and began to drive. I sent a text to Tony at a red light telling him to get dressed and be waiting outside. I had packed a few things in the trunk and I really needed to see him. As I approached the house he was waiting outside in the front already dressed, a charcoal grey peacoat rescuing him from the icy wind. A thick chilly fog rolled through the city, and the rain of last evening had been turned to frozen puddles. He got into the car and settled himself into the front seat, I placed an arm around him as he leaned to put his head on my shoulder.

"where are we going?" he asked after a few silent moments. I looked into his eyes for a moment " it's a surprise" I said

The car hummed softly as we drove for about fifteen minutes coming to a stop along the parking lot of a park that bordered on lake Erie. I got out of the car and stepped around the front to open his door for him and reach a hand out to help him out, like the sophisticated lady he deserved to be treated as. His long pale fingertips unshielded by his fingerless gloves felt soft against the palm of my hand. I closed the door after he had gotten out. Then we looked out over the lake, still frozen almost to the horizon with about four feet deep of thick cold snow covered ice which groaned in the wind. We walked towards the ice, with me unloading the box from the trunk and carrying it under one arm. I walked us right out onto the ice, Tony looked apprehensive.

" We can't go on the ice, it'll break James" he said stepping back onto dry cold sand

My hand closed gently around his elbow as I pulled him back onto the ice "it's safe I swear, we used to do this all the time back in Minnesota the ice is at least four feet thick and the chances of it breaking are very slim" I pulled him close as I went down on one knee to open the moderately sized box from the car, I withdrew from it two pairs of ice skates, used for hockey. " these have been begging for me to use them, I haven't played hockey in ages" I handed him a pair " these are my older ones but they still work fine I just had them fixed up" I put mine on effortlessly my hands did the laces mechanically as if I could skate in my sleep. I smiled as I knelt back down to help Tony tighten his. " are you ready?" I asked holding his arm as I helped him to his feet. He smiled, " James I can't skate, to save my life" he said blushing a pale pink as I took his hand. " I'm horribly un-coordinated I'll fall on my ass" he explained but I just smiled and we took off across the ice. I gave him a quick lesson in skating and stopping and turning and then slowly but surely he drifted off my arm, skating on his own a few feet without falling and then swiftly picking up speed and circling around me.

"I'm doing it James! I'm skating!" he yelled towards me as he grabbed my hands and we spun for a quick moment and then fell down together, him landing on top of me. I ran my fingertips through his hair. We skated for another hour and then we walked out onto the concrete fishing pier and sat down on one of the cement benches towards the beginning of the pier. We were looking out over the water, the fog had thickened completely obscuring even the tip of the pier from our view as I poured us both a styrofoam cup of hot chocolate from a thermos. We heard something from the other end of the pier, something like a clanging against the metal railing as if it was being climbed. Tony jumped as if the sound had startled him nearly spilling hot chocolate all over his scarf.

"James can you hear that?" he asked placing his hot chocolate down on the bench between us. Another sound followed the first one, a loud voice which sounded like it was counting backwards from ten. He stood as if to walk towards it, I looked at him and stepped in front of him, " I think someone's out there" he said as I looked into his eyes worriedly " on the tip of the pier, listen I'm going to go look you stay here" I said I stepped forward moving towards the end of the pier and as I got closer I could hear the wind whipping through fabric and then suddenly the ending of the pier came into view, the wind shook it slightly as the metal anchoring of the pier bobbed as the ice moved around it. First white socks and then a pair of legs encased in pale bleached out denim, a loose white V neck tee shirt was blowing tight around the young man in front of me and looking up at the blonde hair peeking out from beneath the beanie I instantly recognized him. Kendall had begun to count down again from ten white socks now resting on the second rail as he slowly began to climb over it. I think there was still a thin layer of fog between us because he didn't seem to notice my presence or look behind him. I stepped forward softly as possible because I didn't want to startle him.

"Kendall, it's me James" I said quietly keeping back a little bit because I didn't want him to feel cornered, his bare hands carressed the top bar of the iron railing as his feet met the six inches of concrete beyond the rail, he lowered himself forward.

" You can't stop me James!" Kendall shouted back at me "it's over! I'm going to Jump!"

"Kendall please don't do this" I said stepping forward another step putting a hand out in front of me. "Kendall please"