Explanation/Disclaimer: Whatcha gonna do, Brother? Whatcha gonna do... when Quickiemania runs wild... on youuuuu?


Quickie #12: Hey, what'd I miss? OR... They're Cheaper by the Dozen

Announcer: "Good morning, afternoon, and evening to all our viewers. You may not realize this, but a lot of work goes into making a five page quickie. One of the hardest parts, other then finding enough toads to lick to give the writers enough hallucinations so they can write at least a full five pages of non-sense, is the editing. Sometimes, we regretfully have to remove parts of the stories, either because that part didn't fit in well, it was too offensive, it was too obscure, or we were just too sick and fbleeping tired of writing, so we stopped it as fast as we could. Well, you're all in for a treat. Since our cast was waiting all night for the newest Harry Potter book to come out; no one showed up for work today, we decided to give you all a glimpse at what you all missed out on. Enjoy!"


Announcer: (quietly whispering offstage): Ugh, I feel dirty; peddling this cheap crap...



And now... in stereo and SAP where available, we present to you the DELETED SCENES!!! (Three exclamation points... you KNOW it must be good now.)


Quickie #2: WWE PUNishment


(Insert this scene as an alternative beginning)

/Start Scene/


Brock and Ash sat reading the newest WWE Magazine, with its very up to date articles about pay per views that took place 5 months ago. Misty sighed and asked, "How can you read that dreck?"

"Its not dreck!" Ash defended, "Its cool television! Its a shame that more shows aren't like wrestling!"

***SCENE CHANGE TO THE SET OF FRIENDS...***


Joey stood next to Ross in the coffee shop Central Perk, and sighed heavily. This wasn't going to be easy to say, but he knew he had to get it off his chest. "Ross..." Joey said, "I have something I have to tell you... but I don't want it to ruin our friendship..."

Ross knew this was heavy, "OK man... what's up?"

"I know you have feelings to Rachel... but last night... she came over to my apartment," Joey confessed, "And... well one thing led to another, and, we did it..."

*insert canned audience going 'woooooooooooooooooo'


Ross looked taken aback. He stood there for a minute, and nodded his head slowly. "I understand man..." Ross said calmly, "I know how these things can happen, and I don't blame..."

Ross stopped mid sentence and kicked Joey in the stomach and gave him a Stone Cold Stunner, sending Joey flying backwards, up and over a table.


*insert canned audience cheering loudly and chanting "ECW ECW..."


Ross hops up on the couch and calls to the counter for some hot ones. The clerk tosses two mocha latte's. Ross smashes them together and dump them on him... not very wise since the coffee was very very hot. Ross screamed like a little girl as the hot beverage seared his skin, and he fell off the couch squealing.


We pan over to Chandler, whom we are all waiting for a witty zing. Chandler turns to the camera... and looks... then shrugs and says, "Nope... I got nothing... that's what I get for letting Vince Russo be my creative writer..."

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY***


\End Scene\



(This scene is another alternative opening)


/Start Scene/


Brock and Ash sat reading the newest WWE Magazine, with its very up to date articles about pay per views that took place 5 months ago. Misty sighed and asked, "How can you read that dreck?"

"Its not dreck!" Ash defended, "Its cool television! Its a shame that more shows aren't like wrestling!"

***SCENE CHANGE TO THE SET OF THE WEST WING...***


The President of the United States stood on the podium giving the speech of his life. "My fellow Americans, I am proud to serve this nation, and even though there were tough times this year I know that I can count on you to..."

The President is interrupted by loud playing middle eastern music. In walks So-Damn Insane and his posse. "Blah Blah Blah" He says in a thick accent, "Maybe we should see how strong the iron will of the US Constitution is?"

And with that So-Damn Insane takes off running onto stage, and the President and his adversary trade blows. A fierce low blow by So-Damn Insane stuns the Prez, and sets him up for the dangerous finishing move, the "Tala-Bomb".


But!!! The Prez flips out of it, gets an arm around So-Damn Insane, and drives him through the podium with a massive Rock Bottom.

The TV Prez, aka Martin Sheen, takes off his tie, kicks over his downed opponents arm, and throws his neckwear to the cheering crowd. And now its all set up for... THE... MOST... ELECTRIFYING MOVE in alllllll of American Politics, the Democratic Elbow!!!

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...***


\End Scene\ (I think its obvious why this was left out)



Quickie # 6: A Midsummer's Nightmare


(This is the never before scene showing Team Rocket's Nightmare)


/Start Scene/


***Begins Team Rockets Dream Sequence***


"We did it!" Jesse exclaimed breathlessly, "We finally did it!"


"We finally got away with it!" James cheered, "Countless episodes we've tried, and failed, but not any more!"

"The only ting we failed at today wuz failing!" Meowth said grinning.


Indeed, Team Rocket had reason to celebrate, for Pikachu sat on the table, trapped in a shock-proof cage. It glared at them menacingly.


"Awwww..." Jessie said laughing, "Is itty bitty Pikachu made that we beat up your owner and got you once and for all?"

Pikachu sent out an electric blast, but the shock fizzled out. James laughed loudly, "No luck," He said, "That's a shock proof cage. Face it, we've won this time, you're alllllll ours, hehehehe"


Pikachu glared at them, and said, "Pikachu chu pika chu pika."

Meowth doubled over laughing, "Oh give me a break! Get dis guys, it says, 'you're making me angry!'" Meowth harder, and said to Pikachu, "That's kinda the point buddy,"

Pikachu's face grew dark, "Pikachu chu chu chupika."

Meowth's face grew confused, "What do you mean, 'you wont like me when angry?' "


The cage exploded as Pikachu grew ten times it normal size, and green. It bellowed loudly, and Team Rocket huddled together in fear. The "Hulking" Pikachu moved in on them, evil intents on its mind... and...


and...


*SCENE CHANGE TO A LAWYERS OFFICE...


"And..." The lawyer finished, "We are stopping this scene right now. Marvel Comics has hired me on their behalf to put a stop to this unlawful, and quite frankly, rather stupid spoofing of their popular character. Its quite obvious that you were mocking our very unique character, "Shadowcat".


(THAT should make some "fan-boys" insane")


\End Scene\



Quickie #10: Do you Like Scary Quickies?


(This scene takes place as an alternate ending)


/Start Scene/


Ash ran as fast as he could through the woods. He didn't want to flee, but he had to. Everything was so painful. Misty was dead, Brock was dead, Pikachu was dead, and Disco was coming back to life. He had to escape. Ash ran as hard as he could and for as long as he could, he had lost complete track of time and location.


Ash burst through the woods, and ran through a desert plain. There was no one in sight. It was like he was the last human on the planet. Ash just kept running.

Ash ran until he saw something so horrible, it dropped him to his knees. He started sobbing, "Those fools..." he cried in anger, "They finally did it... They finally did it!!!!!!" Ash lowered his head and let grief over take him.

We pan out to see what Ash saw... it was a large billboard reading, "Coming to a theater in Summer 2003, Shaq stars in: Kazaam!!! 2"


\End Scene\ (And I wonder if anyone gets the movie reference...)



Quickie #11: Shine On!!!


(This Scene is in place of the normal elevator dialogue)


/Start Scene/


As the doors open, a red goopy liquid comes gushing out of them and spills out all over the floor over Ash's sneakers. "Oh my god!" Ash gasped, "Look at all this blood!"

Misty and Ash stare at the blood for a minute and Misty whispers in a scared voice, "Ash... where did all this come from?"

Ash shrugged, and asked, "I dunno Misty... you're not on the rag are you?"

This earned Ash another slap upside the head...


\End Scene\


(This scene takes place as Ash and Misty flee Brock)


/Start Scene/


Ash raced down the hallway, he couldn't hear Brock's footsteps anymore. Ash figured he was safe, but he would feel safer if he could get upstairs. Ash ran up to the elevator and pressed the button rapidly. "Come on... come on..." Ash muttered.


The doors opened with a 'ping!', and out came another rush of blood, this time covering Ash from head to toe. "Oh my god...", Ash moaned, "I don't believe it... ghost blood!"


"No, no..." Misty called from inside the elevator, "That was me that time..."


Ash just stares opened mouth in disgust and horror.

\End Scene\ (I had this idea when i first wrote number 11, but I had a feeling that i might be too offensive to some ladies... but not too offensive to put it here, I guess)



Announcer: "Alright, and on that classy note, I think we'll end it. Actually, that's all we could show you for now. There was the noodle incident... but we don't think you're ready for it. (I know I've said this before... but I love ya if you get that joke)"


THE END

(Sorry, no joke here today folks, the cast is still sleeping it off... ummm... i mean, still sleeping because they were out all night getting a wholesome Harry Potter book.)

THE REAL END


I know this one was a bit different then the other ones, but i hope you found it funny none-the-less. Thank you for reading it, I hope you enjoyed it. If you have a moment please leave a review. Reviewing is good for the soul you know. (Isn't that how that saying goes?) At any rate, thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you've read all my quickies so far, I really thank you for your loyalty. *Bows* Thank you very much.