Chapter 12: Aftermath
I've got them, Jean projected out, already in motion before she'd even set the helmet for Cerebro down again. Those creeps have so many hide outs and bases … ugh.
Blackbird's ready and waiting. I'm relaying all of this to the Avengers, Scott answered before he hit his com to get his team moving. He changed quickly, having kept a uniform in his office to save himself a few minutes. As he rushed out of his office, he very nearly bowled over Jubilee and Zoe, who knew something was up almost immediately since they should have been with the other kids socializing or in the library. Which means they should have gotten yelled at for walking the halls. But instead, all they got from Scott was a look that made it clear that he couldn't afford to be slowed down and a muttered "find something to do" before he almost skipped into a run on his way for the elevator.
Jubilee's entire down expression shifted and a tenative smile graced her features. "Combat uniform … this is good."
"You have a very weird idea of 'good'," Zoe replied, still frowning after where Scott had disappeared.
Logan watched from the mouth of the cave as the troops finally headed back to the hidden base, driven back by a massive snowstorm that was building outside. It was warm enough in there even without a fire as long as the wind didn't blow directly into the mouth of the cave, so for the sake of keeping hidden, Logan didn't try to light one.
After retreating to one of the further back areas of the cave, K huddled into a ball, her arms around her knees, settling into shock from everything that had happened. After lobotomizing Victor, she'd run with Logan in silence as far as he was willing to push her, unable to answer even the simplest question he threw at her in his attempt to keep her from completely shutting down as they trekked through the woods.
Logan had gotten increasingly more concerned about her as they moved further away from the complex, but he didn't think she was going to react this way. Not when she'd seemed like she was able to spot the traps nearly as well as he could slipping through the woods. But that was then.
As the blizzard picked up outside, Logan made his way over to where K was curled up on her side in the farthest reaches of the cave. She was wet, shivering and seemed to be unconscious.
He glanced around the cave as if he'd find anything useful, swearing to himself for not just killing a couple soldiers so they'd at least be better clothed "I'll go find some wood once I know the patrols are gone," he promised as he took off his shirt and draped it over her. "Just try to sleep if you can." He watched her snuggle herself into a little ball before he worked back up to the mouth of the cave, watching the snow blow it shut. It wasn't going to do them any good to hide then go out after the storm was over. Any stealth they had on their side would be completely shot if they had a trail going through the snow pointing out exactly where they were. He had to get her warmed up.
As soon as the cave blew closed, Logan slipped over to her, and spooned her – nothing more than an attempt to share his body heat with her. She stiffened when he first touched her, but relaxed as he spoke to her, finally squeezing her tightly as she settled into him.
"We should have brought Jean," Scott grumbled as they approached the general area that she'd pinged. He had the coordinates of where she'd found them last, but that was hours ago, and as they circled high above the snowy terrain - and even above the swirling blizzard dropping snow with driving winds- he knew that Logan could be nearly anywhere.
Storm gave him a sidelong glance then turned her attention back to the swirling clouds below. "If you can get a closer idea, I can help. But I hate to interfere when it's keeping their forces back," she pointed out.
"That's why I haven't asked for you to intervene yet," Scott agreed before finally flipping over to the comms, hailing Jean with his request to look again.
K finally startled awake, finally warmed up and rested to the point that she knew she needed to fuel her healing or suffer from it. The quick movement easily woke Logan, though he was sure not to make a move, content for now to stay where he was, warm and relatively comfortable. As far as caves went.
"Where are we?" K asked thickly. She pushed herself upright, and Logan picked up his arm to allow her more free movement. As she sat up to stretch, she didn't feel much like talking, and her she ached from every angle while her head pounded.
"Not entirely sure. Montana, I think. That's where they were testing out of last I knew," Logan replied, tired from the fiasco and more than a little concerned for her.
"Are you sure?" K asked as she turned to look at him, her arms crossed over her middle and her shoulders hunched over.
It only took Logan a few moments to think it over, considering the last time he'd been out in that area. Grimly, he nodded in the near pitch blackness before he realized she might not be looking directly at him and shifted to answer more clearly. "Pretty sure," he said, then got up himself to head up to the entrance of the cave. The wind was still howling outside.
"So. We got out. Now what do we do?" she asked quietly. Her hair had partially frozen to her head from the river crossing which had thankfully washed away most of the blood the pair had lost and spilled, and had mostly washed away any foreign scents from both of them.
Logan let out all his breath and rejoined her, pulling her closer, before he wrapped himself around her both for contact and to make sure she didn't chill again.
"We should make sure you're nice and warm then make a run for it in the storm. They won't be out in it. Too hard on them, and the choppers can't fly in this mess," he told her as she wove her arms around him, and kissed his shoulder.
"Right. Cover our tracks," she agreed. They stayed like that for a while before she finally spoke again. "Sorry for all this mess."
He picked his head up, and looked at her as if she'd lost her mind. "What the blazes are you apologizing for?" he ground out, though it sounded more or less muffled with the stupid muzzle still in place.
"All of it. The school. Getting caught ….Creed," she said quietly. "I should have attacked him faster."
"Knock it off," he growled. "Not your fault. Any of it. Any of it." She fell very still then lightly shook her head no. She couldn't get the words out. He was so wrong. "I'm sorry, darlin. I promised to protect you and I blew it. Shoulda just done the right thing and ran with the rest of the mansion instead of tryin' to stop them." His tone was quiet and something about the inflection had her getting mad. But at least the anger seemed to clear her head a little.
"No. Not your fault," she managed through clenched teeth and tears blurring her vision. Her voice shook with anger, but it could easily have been misinterpreted.
Especially since he simply nodded and gave her a squeeze then gently tipped her neck to the side to try and curl into her as best he could with the muzzle still on, all the while whispering out 'OK. OK.'
Her hand drifted up to his face, her intention to cover his mouth, but that was out at least, it had no practical effect since he could still talk. So instead, she delicately ran her fingers over the device as she blinked away her angry tears. "Alright. How does this stupid thing come off?" she asked as she inspected it in the low light.
He chuckled at the look of concentration through her tears and instead took her hand away from the device. "Beats the hell outta me. Cyke would have to tell ya," he replied.
She frowned and took her free hand to run her fingers along the upper edge of it before she rested her hand on the side of his neck.
"What's it made of?" she asked, thinking out loud, and honestly, more to herself than to him. This was a good distraction to keep her mind from going over the events of the past few days. But at least she knew it as she pushed any emotion down. She leaned closer to him and examined what she could of the muzzle, even going so far as to turn his head to look at the sides and back better.
"Why? You feelin' brave?" he asked as he cocked his eyebrow up, hopeful and yet, really not wanting to pressure her.
"Not particularly," she replied flatly, though she still popped one claw with a grimace. She brought it nearer to him, then froze up, clenched her hand into a tighter fist and retracted it as her hand shook from the cold or nerves or likely both. "I can't do it. It feels – weird," she spit out, rubbing her arm. "Which I know has to sound totally stupid to you." He took her hand in his and splayed her fingers out as he watched her stretch her hands, smirking under the muzzle.
He knew exactly what she meant. "Let me help if you're nervous," he said, twining their fingers together for a moment. "Go on, sweetheart, gimme a little claw," he said as he shifted his grip to cover her hand with his.
She gave him a half hearted smile and nodded before she extended one claw. He guided her hand towards his face and gently touched the edge of the new blade on the muzzle, testing it. As luck would have it, the claw slid through it easily. Logan's eyes brightened.
"You're going to have to slip it between the muzzle and my neck. Don't worry about cutting me," he told her. "I'd do it myself but I can't see."
"You're doing this on purpose," she accused, only getting a little smile in response. She was nervous but with her breath held, she followed his instructions. When it cut through, he wrenched it off and tossed it across the cave. When he looked back to her with a grin on his face, she couldn't help but return it just before he pulled her to him and kissed the sense out of her. When he finally let her up for air, she stared at him breathlessly.
"A thank you would have been more than enough," she breathed out. "What was that for?"
He chuckled at her in response. "For bein' alive, an' bein' you," he said with a bit of fresh determination in his voice. "You saved both of our hides when you stabbed that jackass."
She blushed in response and averted her eyes for a few moments as he simply took her in, grateful that they'd gotten out. Even if they weren't entirely out of the woods yet. And just like that, she very suddenly realized she had nothing to occupy her mind and the terror and panic started to push forward before she found something to latch onto.
She cleared her throat and focused on his face, her eyes narrowed. "How long were we there?" she asked as she rubbed her hand on the light beard he now wore.
"Not too long. Grows in fast," he answered before he scrubbed one hand along his cheek for emphasis. He was leaning in for another kiss, his smile turning almost predatory when she seemed to realize how close they were to each other. Her pulse picked up and a sharp pang of fear hit her hard.
"You know what happened, right?" she asked as he rested his hand at her waist and kissed her neck as she started to stiffen up further.
"What?" he mumbled as he continued to pepper her with little kisses. His whiskers tickled her neck, and when she cringed, he stopped and pulled back to look at her.
"That I … that I let him -" she choked out, unable to finish her thought as he stopped his gentle kisses and backed up to give her some space.
"You didn't let him do anything," he insisted. "And you pushed by the fear to put a hole in him. Don't let him change you now," he said sternly. "He doesn't deserve to have an impact on you like that.
She watched him as he kept his ground, and it didn't take long before she ran her hand up to his neck and pulled him closer to kiss him deeply. When the kiss ended, he surprised her when repositioned himself to curl around her again and pulled her close, simply holding her and letting her use his arm for a pillow. They laid there like that, with him wrapped around her protectively until both of them fell asleep.
Logan was sure it'd been a few hours since they'd passed out, but now, silence replaced the howling winds and Logan's eyes popped open. His head whipped towards the entrance and he cursed the metal coverings on his hands that kept him from letting his claws fly to protect K. After everything that had happened in the Weapon X facility, she didn't need to be the first line of defense. It wasn't right. Especially if it was Creed - and he knew it would be. Sooner or later. He stalked toward the entrance and waited, listening for any tip off as to if they were alone or if their forward team had caught up to them.
He glanced over his shoulder toward the still curled up woman then turned back to the entrance and gently began to poke through the snow until he could look outside. "K, darlin', come on. We gotta move now. Come here," he beckoned as he widened the hole in the snow. He stuck his head out and he couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief.
"That solves a few problems," he said as he dug out more quickly, with K joining in to make quick work of the snowed in cave opening. When they stepped out into the bright light as it danced across the deep snow, it was easy to spot the Blackbird waiting for them at the bottom of the mountainside in a clearing of fresh snow.
The two of them emerged from the cave and they started down the mountainside. He held her hand as she lost her footing a few times on her way down. It wasn't until they were halfway down the mountain that she afforded a look around her - amazed at the wall of snow that Storm had kept swirling around the clearing, the goddess herself hovering thirty feet off the ground, her arms outstretched and her eyes fogged over. K couldn't help but to watch her appreciatively as Logan pulled her closer to the jet.
When they reached the bottom of the valley, Scott smirked as he greeted Logan with a blanket in his hand that he held out to him. Logan glanced toward the barely clothed woman a step behind him before he snatched the blanket out of his hand He didn't say a word as he wrapped it around her shoulders as she shivered heavily. Though when she swayed, Logan simply picked her up and carried her the rest of the way.
Scott quickly got them airborne as Hank checked over K and tried to talk Logan into setting her down.
"She's cold, Henry," Logan protested as he clutched her to himself, not ready to tell them so candidly all that had gone on. Not until she could fall asleep, and only if she didn't want to spill the worst of it herself. Hank nodded before covering them both with another blanket as she shivered heavily in his arms.
The flight back was uneventful. After a little while, K stopped shivering which caused Hank to quit hovering over the two of them. She sighed a little and relaxed in Logan's arms as she finally fell asleep, her arms wrapped around his neck, totally unwilling to let him go.
When they landed, K was still soundly out and reluctantly, Logan finally handed her over to Hank, who was surprised by her sudden weight gain as the two shared a grim look. Logan changed quickly in the locker room, then was sure to stick to her side once Hank had gotten her settled into a hospital bed.
Blood was drawn, tests were run, and though the results were mostly normal, he didn't want to release her until she woke up and could answer some questions. And while she was out, Scott took the opportunity to pull Logan aside and find out what all they'd missed, since clearly, something was up.
Logan turned toward K's sleeping form and nodded, following him silently to the War Room, where Jean and Charles waited. It was clear that he was distracted, and his details were more sparse than usual as he made a quick synopsis of the events.
"Are you sure that's all that happened?" Scott asked, not at ease in the least after hearing Logan's story and watching his old teammate looking so … unsettled.
"No," Logan admitted. "But I'm only gonna expand on it if she won't. Right now? I don't … I'm not gonna do that to her."
"You're blocking me," Jean said, looking shocked as Logan met her gaze, but he didn't explain himself.
"If I could have the room," Charles said, giving both Scott and Jean significant looks.
"Of course, professor," Scott replied, though he was frowning deeply as he and Jean left Logan to discuss things with Charles.
In the lab, when K's eyes finally opened, her heart monitor ran wild. Before Hank could get to her side, she'd already torn off her leads and IV and was scuttling backward from the end of the bed to avoid him. She managed to get free of the bed and backed backed away from him, clearly breathing hard with her hands held out in front of her before she recognized there was no threat coming from him.
She was so focused on getting away from the lab that she bumped into Logan, who had come in to see her. She froze when she bumped him, then jumped away from him when he lightly touched her arm. When she realized her mistake, she slid to the ground with one hand over her mouth. She sat there for a moment like that trying to get a handle on herself before Logan crouched down next to her.
"Sweetheart, come on," Logan urged gently. "Let's get you outta this lab and in your own clothes … or one of my shirts." He gave her a crooked smirk as he got her to her feet. He wrapped his arm around her as he led her out of the lab without a word from her.
Charles watched them go, a frown settled deeply on his features as he thought it through. The terror she was broadcasting was palpable. There was no thought to it, just pure fear. Unlike Logan though, her first inclination did not seem to be to fight. At least not yet. She was looking for a way out.
Charles found K a week later as most of the residents of the house were in full preparations for the holidays. She was curled up in the library, book forgotten at her side as she stared out the window. Her arms were wrapped loosely around her legs with her knees drawn to her chest. She almost looked like she could have been asleep with her head resting on her knees.
"I haven't seen you in a while, K. Have you been hiding?" Charles asked quietly as he joined her. She slowly picked up her head and turned his way a moment before her gaze drifted to the ground.
"Maybe," she whispered, her knuckles white as she clenched her fists in the fabric of her jeans. "Didn't mean to be a source of frustration." It was crystal clear how sorely depressed she was, not to mention the fact that she was showing all the signs of someone that had endured recent trauma. It didn't take a telepath to see that she had wasn't feeling particularly welcome - though it was entirely self imposed.
The truth was that K had determined that she had over extended her stay and was currently trying to decide the best direction to disappear. Of course, that was what she'd been trying to decide for over a week. She just couldn't think clearly enough to figure it out. Every time she thought she'd decided, she'd relive the whole experience, and would spiral down further, convinced that any attempt at escape would only end with Creed cornering her again.
Several of the residents of the Institute had told her that she was safe there, they were kind enough and well intentioned. But … clearly they were wrong. She'd had better luck alone. But then that had her considering Creed finding her again - and she knew he would. He always did. And that had her considering other options seeing as there was no clear escape. By her best estimate ... nowhere was safe. And sooner or later, she'd end up right back where they'd just left.
Charles could see her incertitude was the only reason she hadn't simply disappeared. So he elected to use it as a chance to try and save her from what he knew would happen if she left.
"Would you join me for tea this afternoon? You don't have to talk about anything. I won't intrude, but I am always here if you would like to talk," Charles said, very gently, knowing he had to try to convince her to stay - at least until she was stabilized. Not to mention that for her to leave now would do as much damage to Logan as it would to her.
K seemed to think it over for some time before she nodded and released the grip on her jeans. To slowly stretch out her legs. "Thank you," she replied finally. "I can do that."
Charles touched her hand gently, and gave her fingers a little squeeze. "I'll see you at two." He said with his eyes twinkling.
Again, she nodded once then swung her feet over the edge of the window seat as Charles left her to gather herself. She sighed to herself and rubbed her hand over her eyes. She had been trying to put some distance up. But Charles had been so generous, she simply didn't feel right disappearing. The women in residence had been patient as well. They tried to simply be there, but when K was isolating, the last thing she wanted was a bunch of near strangers lurking. The guys had kept a bit of distance. Except of course for Logan. And he had been incredibly patient with her, understanding of whatever she wanted, even as she shut him out completely. She hadn't slept in his room since the first night after their return.
That night they'd gone to bed, and he'd curled around her from behind. He kissed her neck as she drifted off, and she'd really only fallen asleep because of the way he was holding her, but when she woke up hours later with his arm over her waist and his breath on her shoulder, she panicked. She held her breath as she pushed away from him, not stopping until she was backed against the wall. Her claws were out and she was trembling uncontrollably until she realized who he was.
He had tried to comfort her, but she just felt so guilty about her reaction towards him. Ultimately, she couldn't do that to him again. She didn't return to his room the next night, and had avoided him entirely ever since. She had never felt so guilty before in her life. He didn't deserve the big 'fight me' response, but … she couldn't stop it from happening. What's more, she really liked him. And she hadn't liked anyone like that in decades.
But instead of letting him help, she was wrecking whatever it was that had drawn him to her with her paranoid reactions. And he didn't even seem to get mad about it. Instead, he told her he would help. He promised that his door was open for her whenever she wanted, and that he was just a call away if she wanted her distance– he didn't want to push her.
To top it off, K wasn't sleeping. At all. She couldn't fall to sleep without him, and being alone in the dark ended up being every bit as terrifying as waking up with him next to her. Because being alone … just sent her back to the cell.
Sleeping with him ... started fine. She'd relax knowing it was Logan's arm around her. And then, she'd move in her sleep and feel him against her, or the weight of his arm over her waist would trigger a different panic mode where all she could hear was Creed's lusty breaths in her ears as he held her down. And that quickly, she was out of the bed, her heart hammering in her ears.
She was a mess, and hadn't talked to a soul since the last time she was in Logan's room. To top it off, she had become jittery and she could not eat either.
Charles suspected much, if not all of this. He knew that Logan was acting in a similar manner, though not as severe. He wasn't sleeping either. But for him, when he closed his eyes he saw her in the tank, watched her screams and felt the agonizing pain that he knew all too well. The scents of the solution, hot metal, and antiseptic room flooded his senses. For him, it was all of that paired with the helpless, sinking feeling when Creed had pounded him mercilessly and nearly choked him to death making it impossible for him to protect her. The image burned into his mind of Creed stepping into her cell alone when she was too weak to even begin to fight back.
They were both sick over all of it, and that was where Charles hoped to heal them both.
He knew K had been avoiding Logan out of a misplaced sense of guilt, and he hoped that she would stop if she realized he felt very much the same - both of them had an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, after all.
K arrived at Charles' office right on time. She'd changed out of the jeans and baggy sweater she'd been wearing, opting for something more formal – a long black dress and a dark gray cardigan. He smiled, complementing her as she took a seat next to him.
Through their time together, her gaze rarely lifted higher than her teacup. But she had nothing to say. They simply sat in his study, sipping their tea. Charles was careful to stick to his promise of simply keeping in her company, though that didn't mean he couldn't look.
He observed that she'd lost weight since her return and her cheekbones were more prominent. Some of her natural beauty and her vibrance was almost completely faded. Her eyes looked sunken and darker, her cheeks were hollow, and her lips thin. Her hands and wrists looked thinner, bony. Her collarbone was much more pronounced.
Charles had to control his reaction as realization hit him. She had quit eating. Anger and pity rose up within him on seeing how far she'd slipped in such a short time. He hadn't dealt with a mutant that had simply given up in ages, and even then, that was more of a case of hopelessness, not this … quiet resignation. From what he'd been told by the teen girls she'd travelled with ... this simply wasn't her.
She'd pushed everyone away, and instead of running, she was just waiting to die. He looked at her cup and saw that she really hadn't drank more than half a cup in the half hour they'd sat together. He brushed her mind gently to try to determine if it was a conscious effort or if she just was uninterested in trying to do what was necessary. To his chagrin, he found nothing but a profound numbness in her mind. The corner of his mouth tightened as he weighed it out. Perhaps it was unintentional then. She could still be in shock, or perhaps at this point it would qualify more as PTSD.
She glanced at the clock, their tea time was nearly up. Before she could say anything though, Charles smiled at her warmly. "Thank you, K. I do hope you'll come back again tomorrow. Two O'Clock?" He asked with a gentle smile on his face, as always. Her gaze drifted to him slowly and she stared at him a moment then nodded in agreement, thanking him quietly as she rose and left the room.
Once she was gone, Charles let out a breath and set his jaw as he called for Logan, who was slow to respond. He entered his office without a word, looking meaner than he had in months. But three steps in the door, he stopped, closed his eyes and took a slow deep breath, a nearly agonized expression on his features. Clearly, he hadn't expected to catch K's scent there. When Logan opened his eyes, the pain there was fresh, but quickly replaced itself with anger. Charles didn't waste any time with him.
"Do you still care about her?" Charles blurted out, though Charles' gaze was steely as he approached.
Logan met his gaze, his jaw clenched. "What difference does it make? She doesn't want anything to do with me," he growled out, the hurt well hidden in his anger.
Charles smiled kindly as a small measure of relief washed over him. "You are so very wrong, my friend." Charles said, a plan already forming in his mind. "I know you said you didn't want to do it, but I need for you to show me what happened while you two were in captivity. I need to see all of it in order to help both of you," Charles said evenly but with a confidence and urgency that Logan couldn't misconstrue. As Charles had predicted though, Logan shook his head.
"Why don't you ask her? It happened to her, I was just a damn bystander," Logan replied through gritted teeth.
At that, Charles' mouth tightened into a grimace and he tipped his chin down. "She is too fragile for me to simply look without her total cooperation," he told Logan honestly.
"What the hell's that mean?" Logan asked, his concern momentarily overriding his own feelings.
"She isn't well, Logan. Her mind is numb, overpowered by guilt, trauma, and self blame," Charles informed him as Logan sat down, his face showing a spark of determination that had Charles smiling internally. That was the Logan he needed to make this work. "That's not all either. I do not believe she's eaten anything since your return from Montana," he finished as he sent Logan a mental picture of K from their tea time.
Logan's expression shifted to one that conveyed exactly how concerned he was. Her color was off … almost gray. "Come on, Charlie. She's not that bad, is she?" he asked, looking for a lie on the telepath's face. "She looks like she's killin' herself."
"I'm afraid that's precisely what she's doing, Logan. She was likely already working overtime to recover from what they did to her, and I needn't tell you how much fuel is required to keep a regenerative healing ability working properly when there's been an injury," Charles said as he watched him process what it meant.
He didn't have to wait long for Logan's cooperation. "Fine. Just … do it already," Logan said as he let out a breath and closed his eyes, resigned to the mental intrusion that was bound to follow. Shame washed over him as he anticipated Charles' reaction to all that Logan could only witness.
Charles took a moment before he began and tried to prepare for anything that might come from this session. It didn't take too long, and there were sections that Charles had to sift through to differentiate between Logan's memories of the events with K, and his own bonding process to boot.
When they were finished, Charles closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose as Logan tried to control the emotions he'd just relived, up to the last night they spent together. At least he could now fully understand why Logan was so hard to be around lately. He thought he'd found a potential mate ... but now she was doing everything humanly possible to avoid everyone.
"Thank you, Logan," Charles said genuinely. "I'm afraid I owe you an apology."
Logan looked up with a truly bewildered expression. Had it not been such a serious moment, Charles thought he very likely would have been amused at seeing such an expression on the stoic man. So before Logan could ask, Charles lifted his hand, palm out between them. "I know I've apologized before, when last we kept Creed here in an attempt to rehabilitate. And you tried to warn us then. On so many levels. And though I have apologized before, I feel as though I truly do need to reiterate that sentiment." He looked pained and Logan was clearly overwhelmed.
"We're having tea tomorrow at two. Please, make sure you see me an hour before."
Logan looked at him strangely. "Any reason, Charlie?" He asked, eyes narrowed, but that managed a smile from the professor.
"I'd like to see if she has the same reaction to your scent that you did when you walked through the door and picked up hers," Charles replied frankly. He could find no reason to try to cover his intentions from Logan when it came to the little feral woman.
Doubt was heavy in his voice as he started to ask "You think she- ?"
"Yes," Charles answered, not waiting to hear the rest, and needing to get his point across clearly.
Two o'clock, here we go. Time to tear off to band-aid, K thought as she let out a breath and knocked on the tall mahogany double doors. On hearing Charles' invitation to enter, she turned the knob and steeled herself to tell him she wasn't going to come to any more tea times or anything else. Today would be her last at the Institute. But two steps into his study and her hand flew to her chest as Logan's scent filled her senses. Oh, man, she thought as her heart ached suddenly. I miss him.
Charles tried hard to hide his smile as he caught her thoughts and the deep emotion attached to them. Slowly she made her way to him, reveling in the fading scent of the one she wanted but felt she couldn't have, convinced that she was too damaged for him.
Charles kept it light, though K couldn't sit still. He didn't push her, but he did try to talk to her about the goings on around the mansion. Concentration was incredibly hard for her.
She found herself nodding as Charles asked if she could show him what happened to her while in captivity. Blinking, she tried hard to remember why she'd agreed as Charles delightedly asked her to relax. That was a laugh itself. She didn't know how to relax anymore.
Fortunately, she was so worn down that getting into her mind without harming her was a far more simple endeavor than he'd let on with Logan. He asked her to guide him through the events.
Her perspective was a different world to Logan's. He saw Logan's face as he strangled Creed through the bars, then just fuzziness until she awoke during the bonding process – her memory there nearly identical to Logan's bonding – obscured by the green water an intense feeling of isolation and being alone. Helpless. That alone would have given her more than enough trauma to last her. But he also saw something Logan didn't.
The time in her cell with Creed after the bonding while Logan was in the lab, unconscious. The awful things Creed told her and did. The horrible promises of what he'd do to her later. The hissed promise when he was done that she'd be nothing to Logan now. And that wasn't even taking into account the fighting, the running and her perspective of them dragging Logan back to his cell, all of which was detrimental.
Charles was surprised to find that she managed to block out much of what Creed was doing to her at the time, too weak from the bonding to fight, and knowing she had no way to stop it.
But the rage that grew so quickly for her the second she had a chance to change the fight between Logan and Creed was almost breathtaking as was her quick action that got Logan free and Victor skewered.
It was only then when Logan pulled Creed's crushing weight from her that she realized the impact of the everything that had happened. It was hard to ignore though at that point with Victor's scent of death burned into her nose.
Something he hadn't considered was her viewpoint of Logan at that time and how she felt at a severe handicap at what Logan was thinking since she could only really see his eyes. The muzzle covered too much as he chose the path they'd leave on. She couldn't tell what he thought. Where his emotions were. Not to mention all the normal thoughts victims of the crimes Creed committed flooded and overwhelmed her.
She blamed herself for not stabbing Creed faster. She blamed herself for not fighting in the cell, ignoring the fact that she could hardly move her arm, let alone the fact that at the time, swinging it was tremendous work, unused to the new weight she suddenly carried.
Then, just before he broke the connection, he found she felt guilty for how she'd reacted to Logan's touch when they were alone. Guilt for how she'd hidden from him and avoided him. Guilt for her fear of being alone in the dark, because what dreams she had that weren't flashbacks were twisted versions of reality, where all of Creeds' promises had come to fruition. Guilt for the fact that she wanted to die.
Charles handed her a tissue, though it was clear she had no tears to cry after the connection broke. She had sorely needed this. To see she had people were there for her and cared about her, even if the connections were relatively new.
"Please don't leave the Institute. He misses you terribly," Charles said softly. Though it really just caused her to have a new wave of guilt crash down on her. "I can help you if you let me, K. And if you want to try, I know he will gladly take you back." She shook her head. The thought clearly hadn't crossed her mind at all.
"I don't think so. Why would he? I'm a freakin' train wreck," she said bitterly.
Charles' brow pulled together. "No man has the power to change a woman fundamentally simply by forcing himself on her. You are damaged, but not in the manner you think. You need to talk about this. To anyone. Get it out. Share it. Though it doesn't seem like much, talking about it will help you to move on. Don't let this horrid experience define you," Charles said, authority and experience in his words. "Don't let it stop you from caring for the man that you want. The feeling is, after all, entirely mutual."
She weighed his words, and found some sense in them, and as Charles was aiming - a little hope. "Normally, there would be a joke about how handsome and powerful you are," K said in a flat tone surprised him and pulled a smirk from him
"Come in," Charles said clearly, confusing the little brunette more than she cared to admit. K looked towards the door in confusion, sure she didn't hear a knock.
Logan stepped in and quietly closed the door behind him. He didn't look like he was surprised by any of this, and he locked eyes with her as they watched each other as he approached.
Her lips parted and her heart ached for the sadness she found on his features. Sadness she caused.
"Don't do that," Charles said in a low whisper, interrupting her self depreciating mindset as he squeezed her hand. "Don't entertain those thoughts." He motioned for Logan to join them, and he silently made his way over to them. He pulled up a chair giving her some distance, showing her that he didn't want to give her reason to run from him.
"I'm sorry, Logan," she said quietly. He waited, nervous about which way she'd go. "Maybe, if you're not too overbooked, you might give me a chance to explain myself. I'll understand if you're through with me the mess I'm bringing."
His face relaxed, and he offered her his hand. "I'm not goin' anywhere, sweetheart." he told her as she hesitantly took it. He gave her a soft smile and kissed her palm. "I've been where you are. Mostly. I won't give up on you." She smirked softly, relishing the contact suddenly. "I do have one condition though," he said seriously, and she looked up at him, nervous again on what he might want, though she shouldn't have concerned herself.
"Don't shut me out again," Logan said, looking almost pained that he had to request it. He relaxed quickly though when she readily agreed. And Charles was rewarded with seeing a little smile from her and feeling the relief washing off of her as Logan pulled her into a hug - clearly, missing him was so much worse than she thought it would have been. His scent enveloped her and brought her comfort.
Charles smiled to himself as he simply left the two of them alone. That was much easier than he'd thought it would be. And while she did finally agree to talk about it, she said she felt she needed a woman's perspective. Her choice was not one that either man could have guessed.
