ANDY P.O.V

it's been three months, and I regret what I've done. So fucking much. But I can't watch him get hurt. I can't stand to be hurt from it. But I would never stand to see someone else with him. I want to ask him if we can be together after high school, when no one could hurt us, we were free, I could hold him again, that's all I wanted to do. But I can't, I just can't. We're performing at Annandale hotel were Trevor and Chris got us a gig, I looked at the set list for tonight. Drop Dead Gorgeous, it's4u, Sway Sway Baby, Thick as Thieves, In This Place- w-wait, In This Place? Oh god…I know that songs directed at me, I saw the original song of 'Sometimes'. I don't know if I'll be able to take this.

After the support acts for us finished, the intro started to play on the screen, us three walked out quietly. All these nerves were in my tummy. I breathed deeply as the spot lights hit on us and we started to play Drop Dead Gorgeous. This was going to be a great show. We played almost all the show now…we were up to In This Place, we quickly had a sip of water and I whispered to Shaun "Are you sure you wanna play this?"
"Most definitely" he smiled unsurely and stood at his microphone with his guitar "alright, we're going to slow it down now. it's so fucking hot in here, I'm sorry" he laughed a bit and he started playing, I focussed on what my job was as Shaun started to sing .
"In this place we lie
Cutting slightly in vain
Hoping and praying you'll remember my name" he started softly, I kept playing, he backed away and swayed his arm side to side and looked around in regret. Fuck. I knew we shouldn't have of done this song. The crowd joining along and singing 'if only tonight and only tonight' Shaun went back to the microphone.
"You write back here I swear I'm done" when he hit that 'done' I knew he'd get upset. Fuck.
"Take your advice 'cause it's easy to see
this so called romance never wanted me" I looked over to him. I could hear the pain in his voice, he was singing with his eyes clenched shut. I hated this. But I just kept playing.
"If only tonight
and maybe tonight" he slowly opened his eyes and continued singing softly
"You write back here, I swear I'll
Cut, till crim…son falls
Over the bedroom walls." He closed his eyes again
"So will you lay me down tonight
and we'll be better off today" his voice got a bit shaky, fuck. He opened his eyes
"2, 3, 4" in that mini solo he seemed to have recovered and continued
"so, between you and I
it's the two step I crave
morbidly swaying to a dying refrain
if only tonight and only tonight you write back here
I'm so sincere
so will you lay me down tonight" I looked to him, I saw a tear fall or maybe two. Fuck my life.
"a-and we'll be better off, today" his voice broke and he turned around for a minute, I looked at him as he wiped his eye and then he went back to the microphone
"and we'll go!" we did our mini solo and he went back
"and we'll go, way, down!" he jumped on the amp and did his solo, he looked up for a minute and sniffed, looking back down. After the solo he went to his mic and continued
"so will you lay me down tonight" I sung a long 'ayyyy' at every line
"and we'll be better off today
and I would die if you never got to know
or would it do more harm this way…" I backed away as did he as the song finished. I was still in love with this man, why did I have to hurt him.
"Thank you very much…" he laughed awkwardly and continued
"IT IS SO HOT!" I think he's blaming the tears I caused on his sweat. I fucked up bad, really bad. I wonder what Bradie thinks, hearing me cry every night, cutting my thigh for the pleasure of feeling something, feeling relived.

After that show and got home I ran straight to my room. He'll never know how much I regret this. I sat on my bed and thought everything through, again. I'm not O.K with this. I'm not okay with anything I feel so broken, soulless even. I don't know what I was thinking. But I can't take him back. I'd hurt him more. But then I remembered everything, the hugs, the last kiss, holding him, everything. I bursted into tears. I'm depressed, again. Shaun was my light, my sunshine, the only one who made me get through the day. I'm still happy when I'm with him, I still admire him…Gah, it's like year 9 all over again. I'm in my room crying and I'm sitting here like "kill me now?" I lifted my pillow and took out my blade. I want to cut my wrists more than anything, but I can't let Shaun know. I swiped the blade down the side of my arm so I can say my cat Knuckles did it. I lay back onto the bed and closed my eyes. Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to make this stupid mistake?


it's been two weeks since that performance. I want Shaun back. I need him. I'm going to ask him to be mine again. I walked into Bradie's room.
"Bradie, do you know if Shaun's home" He turned to me from his computer
"Andy…He's on a date"
"A-…A what?"
"A date, with this girl called Brooke, she's pretty"
"you…you met her?"
"Yeah…wait, didn't Shaun tell you?"
"n-no, he didn't…"
"What's the big deal anyway?"
"There isn't any big deal…I'm going back to my room"
"oh okay"
I run back to my room and burst into tears as I closed the door. He's over me, already, he made me feel like shit. Only two weeks ago he was crying on stage and now he's dating some Brooke chick. I haven't even met her yet, why didn't he tell me? I punched my wall as I cried. I wanted to get over the heartache I caused myself. I know I made a mistake, but I love him. Forever, like I told him.

Later I decided to text Shaun. I texted "Hey Shaun, I heard you have a new girlfriend…great news….umm, have a good day. Talk soon x" I sent it with instant regret. He was going to come here and apologize. I can tell. I heard my phone go off and pop up with "One New Message" I sighed and opened it, it read "Andy…I'm sorry, she isn't my girlfriend yet…we're only dating…just...Gah, I don't know what to say…I'll come over later. I don't want to text it through with you. Cya x" I breathed deeply, I didn't reply. I just pulled out my acoustic bass and played my tune until I heard the doorbell. I wasn't going to bother, Bradie can get it.
"ANDY! SOMEONE'S HERE FOR YOU!" I heard Bradie yell, I sighed and got up, going out and then I saw her…Shaun and this so called Brooke…She was Blonde and had a perfect body…great, I walked up to Bradie.
"Yes Bradie?"
"Um, Andy" Shaun cut in, I turned to him
"Yes"
"I'd like you to meet Brooke, me and her are dating" He wrapped his arm around her waist. That killed me. Fuck.
"Hey Brooke…"
"Hey Andy, nice to meet you" she smiled big, she seemed the type that always smiled
"nice to meet you too" I smiled slightly, I couldn't take my eyes of her obvious beauty, it was killing me. I feel like shit. She's ten times better than I'll ever be.
"So Brooke, what do you do?" I asked
"I'm a hairdresser at a little shop around town" she giggled. Oh god.
"Oh, cute, aha. Um, what school do you go to?"
"I go to Lake Munmorah High School around the area"
"oh yeah, I've heard of that. Well, I better go. Nice chatting" I smiled quickly and walked back to my room, closing the door. I couldn't believe this. I'm jealous of a girl. She's stunning but I don't trust her, she seems so innocent but so…I don't know…I can't explain…she better not break Shaun's heart. I would never forgive her. I sat at my desk and drew patterns of bullshit on a notepad and then I heard someone walk in and close the door.
"Andy…" It was Shaun, I turned to him
"yes Shaun?"
"I just want you to know that I met Brooke a week or so ago and we became great friends and then I asked her out."
"Why? I thought you still liked me?"
"I-I do…but I like her too"
"okay"
"Andy"
"Shaun"
"listen to me, I still love you okay"
"T-Then break it off with her and get back with me for a bit…please…"
"Why? I'm trying to get over you"
"well I still love you"
he sighed "I'll think about it…we're continuing to recording Stack is The New Black tomorrow, don't forget"
"I would never…wait"
"what?"
"Did you tell Brooke about the band and the label?"
"Yeah…"
"Okay" I smiled "just checking" I smiled, it was so obvious. Brooke just wants Shaun for the money I bet; most girls like Brooke turn Shaun down. This wasn't normal.
"Shaun! I'm ready to go home!" Brooke yelled. She had the most girliest voice.
"Okay babe, I'm coming!" he yelled back. I sighed at the 'babe'
"see you Andy"
"see ya" he walked out. I can't believe my life right now, I went to my curtain and looked out of it; Shaun and Brooke were hugging in front of his car. She's so clingy. I'm lucky I'm not going to school this year. I graduated last year this is Shaun and Bradie's last year.


A week past, Shaun and Brooke broke it off for a while, since she goes to a different school and such. This was my chance. I was going to get him back. We were in the car going to our friend Sonny's to stay whilst we recorded the album. We got there and grabbed our bags, going inside.
"SONNY! YOO HOO!" I laughed
"ANDY, SHAUN, AND BRADIE! WAZZUP BRUDDAHS"
"NOT MUCH REALLY!" Bradie laughed.
We all settled in and went up to the recording studio, recording the album. After the day ended we came back to Sonny's to him and his friends having a party, this was going to be fun. Shaun grabbed a drink and gave one to me and he, Bradie was still a bit young to drink. We both had a few drinks.
"Shaun?"
"Yes Andy?"
"I was wondering if…" I got a bit closer to him
"if…?"
"If you'd be mine again?"
"I'll think about it" he winked
"you tease. I know you want me" I took a sip as did he
"oh honey, just wait for me"
"I'll wait for you forever…" I whispered, he giggled
"oh my god Andy"
"what?"
"I really want you" he whispered, we smirked, I looked around and grabbed Shaun's hand, we giggled as we ran to the bedroom, locking the door. I pulled him close; I don't care how drunk I am. I wanted him.
"You sure you want this again Shaun?"
"yes Andy, more than anything"
"good enough for me" I smashed my lips to his, butterflies exploded in my stomach, he pushed me down on the bed, getting on top of me, we kissed deep and passionate, kinda sloppy from how many drinks we have had. I slid my hands to his ass as our tongues started to battle, he grinded his crotch on me. Oh god, he was so hard, I tilted my head back.
"Oh Shaun…" I exhaled
"Sh...We have to be quite" He said, I nodded as he started to kiss my neck, rubbing his crotch up and down against mine; I bit my lip, trying not to moan. I felt my pants tighten. He moaned quietly in my ear and smirked.
"Baby needs to be fixed?"
"Shh" I blushed slightly; he got off me and got on his knees. Oh god, what was he doing.
"I wanna try something…" he whispered, cupping my crotch. Oh my god, it felt amazing when he touched me, I've been wanting him for so long. He unzipped my pants and pulled my length out; I moaned when he grabbed me, he put his finger to his lips, reminding me to be quite. I bit my lip as he started pumping me up and down, up and down I felt like exploding right then and there. He slowly dragged his tongue up the side, I moaned quietly and then he sucked the head hard, I moaned loudly then covered my mouth, I saw him smirk. He sucked up and down hard and fast, making me pant. "f-faster" I whispered, he obeyed and went faster and faster, I felt my stomach knot and I let out an orgasm "o-oh Shaun, I'm close" I said softly. He started to deep throat and then I suddenly came. He swallowed and the collapsed next to me on the bed, I got on top of him and kissed his neck roughly with tongue and then-…I woke up. Fuck, it was a dream; I looked across me on the bed to see a hung over sleeping Shaun. My head was aching; I must have passed out last night. I looked under the cover to see a big bulge in my pants. Fuck. I'm too tired to be fucked so I closed my eyes, slowly falling back asleep.

I woke up slowly, my head was throbbing. Shaun looked at me "good morning" he mumbled
"morning" I yawned
"GET UP!" Bradie yelled from the door. My head felt like it just got punched.
"BRADIE! FUCK" Shaun yelled back.
"we have to finish recording, get up!"
"in a minute" I groaned, Shaun closed his eyes, I shook him
"stay awake"
"I'm too tired"
"come on" I got up slowly, pulling him up.
"Andy" he whined
"come on Shaun, we just have to edit and listen and we're done. Okay?"
"fine"
Later we got the studio and finished off and did recording for Short Stack TV. Shaun still flirts with me and after the dream I had last night it really gets to me. I don't want to be gay for him anymore, he doesn't love me. I know he doesn't, I can sense it. After we finished recording we went out for lunch.
"what should we get?" I asked
"I'm definitely not having pizza another fucking night" Shaun said
"what's wrong with pizza?"
"you WORK at a pizza place"
"guys, don't fight" Bradie added
"Bradie fuck off" I said. In all honesty, I want to die. Shaun's treating me like a dick, my head is killing me and all I can think about is my dream and it angers me. I can't believe I gave Shaun up. I fucking loved him and I'm never going to be able to have him. He's moving on and I just want to die. He doesn't care.
"I'm not going anywhere Andy"
"Fine. We'll just go eat whatever Sonny has. Let's go" I walked back to the car and got in, they got in after, Shaun was in the front seat and he stared out his window, Bradie sat at the back and played with his phone. I breathed deeply and started the car, driving back to Sonny's. When we got there Shaun went back to bed, Bradie was playing PlayStation with Sonny, I went to the bathroom and sat in the bath tub, closing the shower curtain and burst into tears. Why did I break so easily? I huddled up and cried softly into my lap. What am I even doing? I can't believe myself. I pulled my blade out of my pocket and then I heard someone walk in. shit. I dropped the blade and then someone pulled the curtain and I stared at them in shock, it was Shaun.
"Andy? W-What are you-"
"I-I love you Shaun" I cried
"S-Sh, Sh" he got in next to me in the tub "I love you too Andy, don't cry" he wiped my tears, I sniffed.
"w-…why can't you take me back? I won't hurt you anymore, I promise. I could neve-"
"Andy…I-I can't be with you for the sake of the band"
"b-but I would be with you forever. Like I promised"
"promises don't mean anything anymore…"
"y-yes they do!"
"I don't think we can do this though Andy"
"p-please? What's the big problem. I love you, you love me…"
"it's wrong for the band. It can't happen, okay?" he held me close and kissed my head
"t-then can I…"
"can you what?"
"do this" I put my hand on his cheek and turned his head, kissing him softly on the lips, what am I doing? He started to kiss me back softly, we sat there kissing soft and passionate for a couple minutes. It felt amazing for our lips to touch again, I wanted them there forever and then he pulled away, I looked at him. He was crying.
"I-I'm sorry"
"n-no Andy, it's okay…I-I'm sorry, it can't happen. I'm so sorry."
"why?"
"i-it just reminds me of the past…"
"no please" I pulled his face back and kissed him, closing my eyes, he pushed me off and sobbed softly.
"n-no! I can't Andy…s-see you in the morning" he got up and wiped his eyes, going back to the bedroom. I got up later, wiping my eyes and putting my blade in my pocket. I want Shaun, I don't want to sound or mean to sound greedy but I want him, forever. But he doesn't want that. But I will always love Shaun. Forever.