Chapter 12
Hold On To This Lullaby
The weeks leading up to Thanksgiving became increasingly stressful as time passed. Aria had her SATs, and though she hoped that she would feel better after they had been taken, her stress only mounted as she waited to hear back. It didn't help that she was nervous as hell for her first holiday with the Fitz family.
It shouldn't have bugged her as much as it had been, but it did. She couldn't help but worry what Serena thought of her since her and Ezra's near-breakup. Granted, she knew that helping Adriana and Hardy through their issues had earned her points, but she also couldn't help but worry that the woman she hoped would one day be her mother-in-law, was angry with her.
Her emotions were also torn in Rosewood as well. Things were still looking up with Ella, and she and Mike had never been better, but she hated the idea of her mother being alone over the holiday. She knew that Mike was spending a lot of time at Byron's place.
She tapped her pen against her notebook, staring up at the clock. She was in World History, but given that it was a holiday weekend, her classes were less than half an hour long, and she would be finished with the day in just a few minutes. Then she would be headed home for a few hours, and when Ezra was finished with his classes for the day, they would be headed out of town for the weekend.
She looked back down at her notebook and stared at the blank page. She had scrawled 'Christmas list' at the top, but she was getting nowhere. She didn't even know what to get Ezra, and it certainly didn't help that his birthday had been completely skipped over because of the car accident.
The bell rang, and the teacher dismissed them, telling them to enjoy their holiday. Aria sighed and pushed up from her desk, grabbing her bag and her notebook. She recapped her pen and then walked out of the room, only to bump right into Ella.
"Aria!" Ella said cheerfully. "World History?"
Aria nodded, tucking her notebook into her bag. "We didn't do anything. I was actually trying to make a Christmas list of ideas for presents. I haven't come up with a single thing."
Ella smiled, turning to head down the hall in the opposite direction with Aria. "I'm sure you'll come up with something. You usually do."
Aria's shoulders slumped as she sighed. "I feel like I may be tapped out this year. The closer the holidays get, the more stressed I get about how everything is changing."
Ella rubbed her hand up and down the middle of Aria's back. "Change is a good thing, pookiebear."
Aria's mouth turned up into a smile and she began to giggle. Her mother hadn't called her pookiebear in more than a decade. "Please, mom. Not here, when my friends are within earshot."
They walked into Ella's classroom and Ella walked over to the desk while Aria leaned up against the wall near the door.
"Well really, Aria. When have you ever accepted change as it came at you. For as long as I've known you, you've always been afraid of something that could dramatically change your life. Except for maybe Ezra." Ella said.
"It just feels like its too much at once," Aria said. "I don't want to turn around next December and realize that I don't like the choices I made because I was too caught up in 'riding the wave'."
Ella chuckled. "Aria Montgomery, riding the wave and getting caught up in the maelstrom of things? Have you ever?" She shook her head, narrowing her eyes just the slightest at Aria. "I don't think so. You've always had a good head on your shoulders and known better than to make bad choices."
Aria's smile grew just slightly. It was probably one of the first time she'd heard Ella not refer to loving Ezra as a bad choice.
"So, thanksgiving with the Fitz family?" Ella asked a few moments later, breaking Aria out of her reverie. Aria nodded tentatively. Ella chuckled. "Are you nervous.
Aria thought about lying, but in the end she nodded. "I know I've been there before, but ever since September…I don't want his mom to hate me."
Ella chuckled. "I didn't really get the impression that she hated you when I met her. And I think that, given the situation, she wouldn't hate you for the choices you made. You've been in a tough position these past few months, and I think you chose wisely, considering. She seemed to be a very understanding woman, and I doubt that she'll jump down your throat when you and Ezra have worked to make your relationship work."
Aria nodded. She pulled on a frayed thread on her black long-sleeved shirt while she stared down at her knee-high black boots. Her jeans were tucked into them. "So what're you going to do?"
"Going to visit my parents," Ella said with a sigh. She looked up at Aria and gave a small smile. "They invited both Mike and I, but Mike's decided to stay here with your father." She was quiet for a moment, but Aria wondered if there was something more she wasn't saying.
"S-so you'll be in New York this weekend too," Aria said.
Ella nodded. "Yes." She was quiet for a few more moments before she looked up at Aria. "Should you decide you want to… they'd be overjoyed to see you."
Aria raised her eyebrows at her mother. Somehow that logic didn't sound right to her. When she'd spoken last to her grandmother, she hadn't been pleased about her choices with Ezra. Her grandfather had been more forgiving, telling her that true love happened when it happened, and who was she to try and run from it if it was what God intended for her.
"Really?" She said with a slight chuckle.
Ella nodded again. "Your grandparents love you. Honestly, your grandmother probably threw confetti and did a victory dance when I told her your father and I were getting divorced."
Aria laughed. "Well, she did say he was where I learned about inappropriate romances."
Ella smiled. "My mother forgets to filter her thoughts. But I don't want you to feel like you have to come. It's your choice, if you and Ezra-"
Aria walked over to the desk, and laid her hand over her mothers. "We'll come."
Ella didn't say anything, but there was a cheerfulness in her eyes.
"You're trying," Aria said. "And I promised myself that if you tried, I would try, so I will."
Her phone buzzed a moment later, and she rummaged into her bag, searching through it until she found it rattling against her math textbook. She pulled it out and tapped the screen.
You on your way? Hardy and
Adriana are already on me about the food
-Ezra
She giggled and shook her head, tapping back quick reply before tucking her phone into her pocket. "I'll talk to Ezra. We'll come by some time later in the evening on Thanksgiving, or Friday."
Her phone buzzed again, and she laughed as she looked at the message.
C'mon! I want linguine and mussels!
-Hardy
She shook her head, tapping back a slightly more aggressive reply before she looked up at Ella. The look on her face wasn't something that was familiar to her. "What?"
Ella shook her head. "You just seem very…serene, and at peace with where you are right now, even though you insist you're so stressed."
Aria smirked. "I am." She nodded. "But now I've got to run before my future brother-in-law chops my head off because he didn't get his linguine and mussels. I'll see you tomorrow," she said as she headed out the door.
-
It's good to hear your voice, I hope you're doing fine
And if you ever wonder, I'm lonely here tonight
-
Aria dropped her bags into the back of Ezra's jeep and then pulled the trunk door down and closed it. There were flurries coming down, but it was relatively light, so there was no reason for it to affect their driving.
Ezra lifted up the back window connected to the trunk and tossed in the last bag before he looked at Aria. "You wanna drive?"
She smirked at him, snatching the keys from him.
"You're a terrible driver!" He insisted as he slammed on the breaks. The first snowfall of the season had hit over thanksgiving, but they had both been with family, and hadn't been able to see each other until Saturday. Aria's parents thought she was at Spencer's house eating leftovers with her friends, but they weren't planning to meet until late that night.
"I am NOT!" She cried, giggling as she shot forward against her seatbelt. The roads were slick with black ice and after she had nearly hit a mailbox, two curbs, and a stop post, Ezra had insisted she hand the keys over and let him drive. "It's all the ice!"
Ezra chuckled as he looked over at her. "All those things were on the street! You nearly killed a stop sign!"
"The stop sign is already dead, Ezra," Aria said with the best laugh she could muster. "Seriously, how many stop signs do you know that have a waving hand over them, that have had every finger but one removed?"
Ezra laughed. "How many stop signs do you know that have waving hands over them?"
Aria started the jeep and then eased out of his parking space, mentally going over everything she had done in preparation for leaving. She didn't want to get halfway to New York and realize the coffeepot was still on.
Ezra scrolled through the iTask app on his phone. "Coffee maker's unplugged, all expired food is thrown away, every light in the house is off."
Aria nodded. She pulled her phone from her pocket and handed it to him. He tapped in the four number password that locked it and her own list came up.
"Sweats?" He asked. She nodded. "Extra jacket?"
Aria nodded again. He read through the list until she was sure they had covered everything. When they were both sure everything they needed to be done had been, they headed over to Hardy and Adriana's apartment.
Upon arrival, they were both already standing outside, making out against Hardy's car. Aria chuckled and Ezra visibly gagged. She pushed the horn lightly, and the two parted. Hardy looked back at them and mockingly glared at her before they walked over to the car. He went around to the back and opened the trunk to add their bags to the pile while Adriana climbed into the back seat. She was wearing black pants and a bright red winter jacket. She tugged off her hat and mittens as Hardy came to join her in the back seat and pulled the door shut.
"Please don't kill us," Adriana joked as she tugged a seatbelt on. She'd heard about the drive after last year's thanksgiving more than one.
Aria whipped her head around and stuck her tongue out at Adriana before checking her rearview mirror, and then both of the side mirrors. One she was sure it was safe, she backed out and then headed out of the apartment parking lot.
They all talked for the first half hour of the drive, and then eventually the talking died out as the list of things to chat about was covered, leaving them bored. Shortly after getting through Philadelphia, Adriana fell asleep in the back seat, and Hardy seemed to be enthralled with a hearty game of temple run.
Ezra brushed his thumb over Aria's knee as she brushed her fingers over the back of his hand. There was a very thin scar at the top of the back of his wrist where there was a small metal plate from the surgery that had repaired his broken wrist after their car accident. It wasn't noticeable unless you were looking for it, but Aria often found herself running her finger against it.
"How's your mom handling the holidays?" He asked quietly as his thumb brushed just under the inside of her boot.
Aria shrugged, changing lanes to avoid a semi that was insistent on driving recklessly. "She's coming to New York to spend time with my grandparents."
Ezra raised his eyebrows. "Didn't they-"
"Tell me I should be ashamed of myself?" She finished for him. Ezra nodded. She nodded as well. "They all but jumped for joy when my mom told them she was getting a divorce, though."
If it was possible, Ezra raised his eyebrows even more. Aria chuckled. She glanced over at him and then back at the road. It was sad that the highways were always cleaner than city streets.
"I thought your family was all one big happy… union." Ezra said.
Aria smirked, shaking her head. "My grandparents weren't very fond of my father. Like, ever. They thought my mother could've done better, but when they decided to get married, my grandparents accepted it. When they found out he cheated, though, they were furious. My grandmother told my mom she was weak for staying. Anyway, I guess they miss me or something. I told her I'd tryto come."
Ezra watched her expression for a few moments and then nodded. "You should go."
Aria looked over at him, and then back at the road. "You think so?"
"I think you want to go," he replied. "And we're on good terms with your mother, so why not give it a chance? At least then we'll know where we stand."
Aria exhaled a long breath. "Because I've been stressed already over the holidays with your mother?"
Ezra chuckled. "The holidays with my mother will be fine. It's not as if this is the first time you're meeting her."
"No, but it's the first time I'll be around her since we almost broke up. I can't imagine that while I was thwarting you all summer to run around with my parents and my friends that she thought very highly of me for putting you on the backburner." She said.
"My mother adores you," Ezra told her. "And she understands what you were dealing with. She doesn't think bad of you for the choices you made."
Aria's expression didn't change. Ezra sighed.
"If anything, I'm glad you made the choices you did," he said. When Aria looked up at him, surprised, he nodded. "It put us in a position of having to decide whether our relationship was what you really wanted. And I'm glad you chose us, but if we hadn't gone through that, there's this possibility that we could be living in a false sense of security. And, I like to think that going through those things helped you to help Dre through her fears with Hardy."
Aria smiled at him. "You think too highly of me."
"No," he disagreed. "I love you. I think just enough of you."
-
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
-
Upon arrival at Serena's home, they all unpacked their things, and Aria and Ezra settled into the back room on the second floor. Though Ezra's old room was still set up and open as his room, the two of them seemed to have claimed the back room as their own. They shared most of their memories in that room, and preferred it to sleeping in his old room.
"Why don't you just move your bed in here," Serena offered.
Ezra looked up at her. "Because it's not my bedroom. My bedroom is the first room at the top of the stairs."
"Maybe so," she agreed, "but you don't really sleep in there. You two have slept in this room every night since…well since Addy's birthday. And it's not as if I mind. It doesn't get used otherwise. But you can't possibly tell me that sleeping on the floor is more comfortable than sleeping on an actual bed."
Ezra looked to Aria and they both shrugged. He looked back at his mother. "We manage."
Aria scratched the back of her neck with a light smile playing on her face as she stared down at the floor.
"Unless you've got any complaints," he added.
Aria looked up at him and shook her head. "No."
His stare stayed on her and she chuckled.
"Well, it would be nice to not be laying on something so hard and unforgiving in the morning. My limbs don't like it." She said.
Serena watched them for a few moments, and she could see conflict in both their eyes. Ezra didn't want to take apart his childhood bedroom because of the memories it held, and Aria didn't want to push him to do anything he didn't want, but they both also wanted to be comfortable.
"Tell you what," Serena said. "Why don't we bring up the old bed from the basement? You boys can put it together, and bring in the box spring and mattress off that frame in the guest room."
Hardy and Ezra exchanged a look and then both nodded before they set to work. Aria and Adriana headed downstairs with Serena, where Aria let herself be convinced into making chocolate cheesecake from scratch.
As she churned eggs and cream cheese in a bowl with a beater, she listened to Serena tell a story about Ezra and Adriana. It was comforting to be surrounded by a family that was so close. Even when her parents had been married, it had been so long since there was true happiness in her home and it had buzzed with a cheerfulness like this, that Aria missed it. It was comforting to know Ezra had it.
Adriana giggled, swiping her finger through a bowl of melting chocolate chips over a hot plate. "So, I finally convince Ezra to get on the sled with me and take me down the hill, and he's pissed. He's grumbling about how I'm spoiled and get everything I want, and we're going down this hill. The snow is flying at us so hard that we can't see anything, but the next thing I know, he throws me off the side of the sled. I start screaming and crying because he's being mean."
"How rude!" Aria cried, setting the beater aside. She walked over to where Adriana was standing and dipped a marshmallow into the melted chocolate before taking a bite.
Adriana shakes her head, still laughing. "So our mom starts running down the hill because I'm screaming, and runs right past me, so now I'm really miffed I watch her running and finally get why everyone's ignoring me."
"Oh no," Aria murmured, frowning, even though she had just been laughing.
Adriana nodded. "Ezra saw that we were about to go over this jump by accident, but this guy on a snowboard was going off it too. He was so light on the sled, that when he went over the jump, he hit the back of the snowboard, and he pushed me off so that I wouldn't get hurt."
Aria laughed, even as she frowned.
"So long story short, we spent like six hours in the ER, and he ended up with three stitches in his nose and eight in his upper lip because of me."
"I was always getting abused out in public because of you," Ezra interjected as he and Hardy walked into the kitchen. He snatched a devilled egg of the counter. Hardy reached out to grab one, only to have Serena smack his hand. He scowled at her.
"Those are for tomorrow." She said, waggling a finger at him.
"Ezra took one!" Hardy whined. Aria and Adriana giggled.
Ezra popped the last of the evidence in his mouth and smiled at Serena with a closed mouth before she could see anything. She shook her head and walked over to him, before turning back to look at Hardy.
"Now, why would my son do something like that? He knows better. He's been here for Thanksgiving every year for the last 23 years. He's not stupid enough to take a devilled egg."
As she gave her speech, Ezra grinned happily at Hardy, finishing off the evidence. Serena turned back to Ezra.
"But you know he's always been terrible about keeping his food in his mouth," she said as she reached up and wiped the yolk-mayonaise-mustard mix off his face and rubbed it onto her apron with a scolding look in her eyes. She swiped her hand against the back of his had, swatting him lightly. "Shame on you."
Ezra shrugged, chuckling. "Stop being such a good cook, ma. Maybe I'll get better about it then."
She rolled her eyes. "I could cook leftovers out of the garbage and you kids would still eat it and call it heaven. I thank God every day that I don't have to survive through another year of you three gorging on food through finals."
"Apple fritters!" Ezra and Hardy said cheerfully. They high-fived.
"Home made?" Aria asked.
Serena nodded, chuckling. "Those boys loved apple fritters. I swear they both gained ten pounds their senior year because they spent more time staring at a textbook than what was going into their mouths."
"I was the good child," Adriana said smugly with a smirk on her face. She hopped up onto an open space on the counter and swung her legs back and forth.
Ezra rolled his eyes, narrowing them at her. "Whatever! She still owes me for mom's birthday two years ago. She was supposed to cover half the cake, and then when she knocked it off the stand, I had to buy the new one, and she never paid me for the original!"
Aria giggled, shaking her head. There was such a comfort in the family feeling that she felt among these people. As it held over the room, she realized how much she'd missed it when she'd lived with her parents. She missed the laughter that she and Mike used to have while Ella worked on dinner and Byron graded papers at the table. She missed the unplanned food fights that happed when Mike teased her about a boy or she made a comment about a girl he liked.
Serena turned her watch on her wrist. "The pizzeria is going to close shortly, and you boys should probably head out and get us some dinner before that happens."
Adriana hopped down from the counter. "I'll come too. Leah is coming in from Princeton this weekend."
Ezra glared at his sister. "It's Thanksgiving-"
"And she's got no family to spend it with," she argued back. "Or did you miss me telling you six months ago that her parents were killed in that plane crash?"
"Alright, alright," Serena said sternly to the both of them. She turned to Ezra. "Leah was invited. She's coming in on the train, so yes, it would be nice if you would go pick her up."
Ezra wrapped his hand under Aria's elbow and leaned down to peck her on the lips. "I'll be back." He leaned his head against hers, whispering in her ear. "Steal an egg for me."
Aria giggled, leaning up to kiss him once more before he walked out of the kitchen with Adriana and Hardy. Aria dipped another marshmallow into the melted chocolate and ate it, standing in silence as Serena moved around the kitchen.
The door closed at the front of the house a few moments later. Aria stared at the floor, feeling slightly out of place.
Serena dropped a dishtowel onto the island in the middle of the kitchen and looked up at Aria. "Something wrong, dear?"
Aria shook her head, looking up at her and forcing a smile onto her face. "Not at all."
Serena chuckled. "My children have never been able to lie to me, and I can see it's going to stem to the people they marry. So what's getting your goat?"
Aria chuckled at the term. "I just…" She shook her head, looking up at Serena. "I don't want you to be disappointed with me. I know that I hurt Ezra a lot this past summer, but it wasn't because I didn't love him, and-"
"And nothing, sweet heart," Serena said, cutting her off. "What happened, happened. We all live and learn, and we learn from our mistakes. As far as I can tell, you two are still together and as much in love with each other as you were the day I met you. And it means everything that you feel for any reason to apologize, but it's not needed. You're already forgiven."
Aria smiled tentatively. "I just hate the idea that Ezra was hurting, and I was too blind to see it."
Serena walked over to her and hugged her. "Live and learn, darlin'. Live and learn."
-
Don't wanna wait in line, the moment is mine, believe me
-
Aria squirmed under Ezra as she giggled, trying to get free from his tickling fingers.
"Say it!" He laughed, nibbling on the side of her neck.
She squirmed even more so and squealed. "You're the best! You're better at everything!"
Ezra laughed, releasing her. Aria looped her arms around his neck and brought his head down to her. He slipped his tongue into her mouth as his fingers brushed over her hips. He moaned softly into her mouth.
"Seriously?" Right on the couch? That's so gross, dude."
Ezra looked up at Hardy and rolled his eyes. "Shut up." He sat up, pulling Aria up against him. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. "How're your parents?"
Hardy shrugged. "Parents. They're still fighting, and none of my siblings are coming home for the holiday. Must be nice to be married with kids and insist that you have to spend the holidays elsewhere."
Ezra chuckled. "It's not like we're kicking you out the door."
"I know," Hardy whined. "I just wish they'd make a choice between getting their marriage together or getting a divorce." He sighed heavily and then looked around the corner, into the kitchen. "She still awake?"
Ezra nodded. "At the kitchen table reading, like she always does."
Hardy took a deep breath and then nodded. "Here goes nothing."
He walked into the kitchen, and Serena looked up at him. A smirk played on her face as she watched him sit down at the table in the seat next to him. She settled her book face down on the table, holding the page by keeping it open. She had been expecting this conversation for weeks now, and while she already knew her answer, she wasn't above letting him squirm a little.
"Serena…"
She smiled at him. "Hardy."
He took another long breath and then looked up at her. "You know how I feel about Adriana, and everything that's gone on the past few months. I was hoping to hold off to this point as it was to begin with, but things kind of got thrown for a loop back in September." He paused for a moment, looking up at her. The smile was still present on her face. "I wanted to know, if, with your permission, I might ask Adriana to marry me."
Serena stared at him for several moments before she moved a hand to rest over his. "I have known you for more than five years. I have loved you like a son of my own, and watched you make some brilliant mistakes. But I've also watched you grow, and change. And know that without a shadow of a doubt that you love my daughter because of how hard you fought for her these past few months." She squeezed his hand lightly. "Yes. I'd love to see you marry my daughter."
Hardy exhaled a sigh of relief, and they shared a smile before they both stood and hugged each other.
"Great," Ezra said cheerfully from the next room. "Now you've just gotta get my sister down the aisle, and we'll officially be brothers."
Hardy turned around and glared at Ezra. "Don't jinx me!"
"I'm not going ring shopping with you, either." Ezra said, still laughing.
"Why would you?" Aria asked, looking up at him. "I already volunteered. Weeks ago."
"Well fine then," Ezra said, feigning discontent. "I don't love you two either."
Aria giggled, burying her face in his chest. "You're such a geek sometimes!"
Adriana walked into the room a moment later and raised an eyebrow at them before she walked over to Hardy. "I always thought he was a geek. The fact that you're just cluing into that now is hilarious."
Aria laughed, looking up at her. "But he's such a gorgeous geek. He's smart and pretty."
Adriana turned to Hardy. "Alright, can we go to bed before they make me vomit?"
Hardy chuckled and nodded. Everyone said their good nights, and then Hardy and Adriana headed up the stairs. Aria and Ezra followed shortly thereafter, and walked up to the room that they seemed to have deemed their room. Aria slipped out of her clothing and into one of Ezra's t-shirts before she crawled up onto the bed. Ezra joined her a moment later, clad in flannel pajama pants and a thermal shirt.
"Cold?" She asked.
He shrugged, sitting down next to her. "It's not exactly the warmest room in the house.
Aria curled up next to him once he was under the blankets, and rested her head on his chest. He brushed his fingers through her hair, staring across the room at the unlit fireplace. "You know you're pretty great," she said softly as she traced circles on his chest with her index finger.
Ezra chuckled. "You're not so bad yourself." He curled his hand under leg and pulled her up so that she was straddling his lap, and then brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. He sat up straighter and brushed his nose against hers. "And I maybe, kinda love you."
Aria laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck. She brushed her lips up against his. "I maybe kinda love you too."
