"Are you okay?"
Sansa looked over at Harry as she pulled on her jeans. "I'm fine," she said. "Get rid of the condom, would you?" You look ridiculous laying there with it still on, she thought with disgust.
Harry got up, grabbed his boxers off the floor, and then scurried off to the bathroom down the hall. Sansa finished dressing.
"It didn't hurt too much, did it?" Harry asked when he came back.
Sansa really didn't want to have the post-sex post-mortem. They'd done it, it was over with, and she felt…nothing. Maybe a little dirty. And, strangely, annoyed. Plus, she was hungry and had a headache now.
Doing it hadn't done what she'd thought it would do. Plus, she hadn't orgasmed. Not that she really expected to with her first time, but even when Harry fingered her, he had stopped long before she even felt turned on.
Harry on the other hand had apparently had a grand ol' time. He'd almost blown his load when she'd gone down on him. And he hadn't lasted very long inside her before he came.
Teenage boys. Jesus.
Now she wanted to do something else. There was a feeling she was chasing and it was the one she had felt when they'd raced. She finished dressing and gazed out the living room window, hands on her hips. "When do you think it'll be dark enough to go race?" she asked.
"Probably in a few more hours," Harry said. "Are you sure you're okay?"
She could hear the rustle of him dressing behind her and for some reason that annoyed her more. She wanted very much for him to just shut up, to not move, to not do anything. Couldn't she just have some silence?
He put his hand on her shoulder and Sansa made a face. Get off me, Harry, she thought.
"Sansa—"
"I'm fine, Harry," she said and turned just so, so that his hand fell from her shoulder. "I am hungry though. Maybe we could get Chinese food or something?"
"Do you want to see if the lovebirds upstairs want to join us?" he asked.
No, she really didn't. She wanted to be away from Harry, from Jeyne, from stupid Willas. She didn't like them. Any of them. Not anymore. This separate feeling she'd been having since the fire had only increased, but now she felt as though an entire continent was between them. How banal was it to sit around and drink and have sex while Jeyne's parents were out. These idiots knew nothing. They certainly didn't know what real pain was. They didn't know what truly feeling numb felt like. They didn't know guilt that could choke you. They knew nothing at all. I hate them, she thought. I really hate them.
The only thing she wanted to do was race and have that feeling of fear back... that feeling that she could die. She wanted that back. So, she was going to have to suck this up for a while. "Sure."
Harry looked at her. He looked worried. And uncertain. Sansa wondered if it was wrong to take pleasure in that. She liked him feeling unsettled. It made her feel powerful. What was the saying? If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy? That's how she felt. Her skin felt too tight, her life felt too constricting…she wanted to fly off and be free of the pain that wouldn't go away, the disgusting fake assholes she called friends, these feelings for Robb she didn't understand…She felt as though she was suffocating.
The lovebirds in question came giggling down the stairs. Sansa turned away so they wouldn't see her roll her eyes.
I hate everyone and everything, she thought and folded her arms across her chest.
She thought of Robb and some part of her softened, and her eyes welled up in tears.
"It smells like sex down here," Jeyne said teasingly.
"Can we get something to eat? I'm starving," Sansa said brusquely and turned to look at her "friend."
Jeyne looked at her in surprise. "Uh, sure. Where do you want to go?"
Straight to hell, Sansa thought. And I'm going to take you with me. If Sansa ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
xxxxxxxxx
"So, you want to do what exactly, Robb?" Roslin asked over the phone.
Robb could hear the terseness in her voice and he didn't completely blame her for that. After having sex the night before, most would think that was a step forward in any relationship. Yet here Robb was, calling to tell Roslin he needed to take a step back.
"I'm saying," he began, "that I just need to focus on Sansa right now."
"But she has a boyfriend now. And friends – aren't you allowed to have those things, too?"
"You didn't hear her last night," Robb said as he paced the length of the kitchen. "She sounded wrecked after that nightmare. My sister is my first priority, I hope you can understand that."
She sighed. "I do…I'm just not…so what do we do then? We stop seeing each other?"
"Just for a little while. I'm sorry. I truly am, it's just hard…just when we think we're doing well something sends us right back. Sansa expressed guilt she had for not coming home on time that night and I didn't realize just how much she carried that with her."
"I'm sorry, Robb. I hope you don't think I don't empathize. I do. I guess I'm just disappointed. I really like you."
"And I like you," he said. He did like Roslin. He just didn't want her in the same way and that wasn't her fault.
"Can we still hang out on campus?"
"Of course," he said. But he would have to limit that, too. It was pointless to lead her on, plus unfair. Roslin deserved to be with someone that wanted her and only her.
Not someone who wanted his sister.
He was sick and depraved to be sure, but Robb held some hope that once he and Sansa healed, fully healed – if that was even possible – those feelings would go away.
And then later, when Sansa came waltzing through the door, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes bright with an excited gleam, he thought maybe not. She looked so goddamn beautiful his heart twisted in his chest.
She even looked at him!
"Have fun?" he asked from his spot at the kitchen table.
She laughed breezily. "Yeah."
"What did you and Jeyne do?"
She shrugged. "Nothing."
He arched a brow. "That's an answer I would expect you'd give to Mom and Dad. Not to me."
"Well, we just sort of hung out downtown. The boys joined us."
"I see. So, you like Harry a lot, huh?"
She looked off for a minute as if pondering that and then laughed and said, "For some things."
"What kinds of things?" Robb asked a little sharper than intended. He had to reign in the jealousy he felt erupting inside him. "Do I need to take you to the doctor, Sansa?"
She smirked and started to walk past him. "I'm already on the pill. Mom put me on it as soon as I started high school."
Robb sat there as she headed to her bedroom and felt rage pulse through him at the thought of Sansa having sex with Harry. With anyone. Is that what they had done today? He pounded his fist on the table and got up. He stormed down to her bedroom and burst through the door without knocking.
"Robb!" she exclaimed and clutched a shirt to her chest. She was only in her bra and jeans and she looked at him incredulously. "What the fuck?!"
"Are you having sex with him? Is that what you did today? Where would you even go to be able—"
"I didn't have sex with him!" she shouted. "Can I change, please, without a fucking audience?"
Robb sucked in a breath and stormed back out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He raked a hand through his hair and went down to the living room where he paced, his hands shaking, until he heard Sansa emerge.
She barreled into the living room, looking like a wild thing – wild-eyed and untamed. "And even if I was having sex with Harry, what does it matter? Are you the only one that can be having sex in this house?"
That took the wind right out his sails. "What?"
"Oh, don't look so innocent," she snapped. "I saw the condom wrapper in the trash in the bathroom. I know you and Roslin were bumping uglies while I was out last night."
"Sansa," he began. "That was—" He realized that he was about explain himself to her. As if he was her lover and owed her an explanation. He didn't. He was her brother and her caretaker. He didn't owe her any explanations.
She didn't really owe him any, either. It was his job to make sure she took the necessary precautions so as to not get pregnant or contract an STD, but she didn't owe him an explanation as to why she may or may not be having sex with Harry.
"Yeah?" she prompted, looking at him challengingly.
"I just want you to be careful," he said evenly. "I don't want you to get pregnant."
"I don't plan on it."
He nodded slowly. "I have a right to be concerned about that. If you need more birth control, or a doctor's appointment…until you're eighteen I am still responsible for you."
She heaved a sigh. "I know."
"Roslin and I are taking a break," he told her.
She looked stunned. "What? Why?"
"Because you need me right now."
She clamped her mouth shut and her lower lip began to tremble. Her eyes filled with tears.
Robb was on her in two strides, taking her in his arms. "Sansa, don't cry, my love. Don't cry."
"I ruin everything," she sobbed. "I killed Mom and Dad—"
Robb took her face in his hands and made her look at him. "You did not kill Mom and Dad," he growled. "Don't ever say that. You had nothing to do with that fire."
"I should have come home on time. I could have saved them!"
"No, Sansa, you couldn't have. You would have died trying and then where would I be? I would be here without you and I can't ever be without you," Robb said raggedly.
He kissed her. He wanted to comfort her, to take her pain onto himself. He wanted…fucking hell, he wanted her. He kissed her with all that was in him, all the longing he felt, all the desire…he poured it all in the kiss.
She tore her mouth away and looked at him, eyes wild again. And then she kissed him.
Robb lifted her and attempted to carry her to his bedroom. He made it as far as the wall in the hallway. He pushed her against it and kissed her again and again like a man possessed. He ground himself against her and she whimpered.
He needed more. This wasn't enough. He needed so much more. He carried her into his bedroom and set her down on her feet and immediately began pulling and yanking her clothes off. Sansa did the same to him.
He grabbed her face and kissed her. Then he pushed her back onto the bed and followed her down. He parted her legs and she wound them around him. He reached between them, checking her readiness. He fingered her, rubbing her nub, and bent his head to take her breast in his mouth. He wished he had more hands. He wanted to touch every single part of her. He felt frenzied; out of control with need and want.
She gasped, and then moaned.
She was ready.
Robb pushed himself inside of her, his eyes squeezing shut at the sensation of being inside her. She was so fucking tight and hot and wet and perfect and oh, God, he was inside his sister and he didn't care. He just didn't care.
He began to move, reminding himself to be careful. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was aware that no barrier had been breached. . . but he was mindless to this, to loving Sansa, to being inside her finally, to having her under him and feeling her in every breath he took. She surrounded him. Consumed him.
"Tell me you want this," he breathed, realizing that perhaps it was too late to ask.
"Yes," she whispered.
Robb pressed his forehead to hers. "Sansa…God, Sansa…"
Her nails dug into his biceps; he could feel her breath on his face and he sucked his own breath in. He wanted the very air she breathed; he wanted every fucking part of her.
He kissed her and moved faster, her hips lifted and he went deeper inside her.
"Robb," she whimpered and then gasped. He felt her walls flutter around him. She was cumming. Just the fact that he made her cum sent Robb right over the edge. He gasped her name as he spurted deep inside her.
"My Sansa, my Sansa, my Sansa," he babbled into the crook of her neck. "I love you, I love you, I love you…"
They lay there, panting. Robb's heart raced and he lifted his head and looked down at her. He brushed hair from her face. It was coming now. The reality of what they'd just done. How he'd just taken his sister. Oh, God, he'd been like a wild animal.
She blinked up at him, her eyes wide.
"Did I hurt you?" he rasped.
"No."
"I…I'm sorry. I – I attacked you."
She shook her head. "No, you didn't."
His eyes welled up in tears. "I'm sorry."
"Don't, Robb, don't cry. It's okay, I'm okay. I wanted it."
"Did you? Did you really?"
"Yes," she whispered.
He rolled off her and gathered her tightly in his arms. "I came inside you," he murmured. "Are you really on the pill?"
"Yes."
"Do you hate me?"
She put her hand on his face and he looked at her. "I could never hate you," she said fiercely. "You're the only thing that makes sense in this fucked up life."
They lay together, wound around each other, until they both fell asleep.
Thank you, Imogen74!
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