Tuesday was a day Aunt May and I hadn't talked about for a while, but we'd already planned what we were going to do. As soon as I got home from the Tower, I put on a button down shirt and tie, and it wasn't long before MJ showed up in a long black dress. She didn't say much, but she took my hand and didn't let go. Finally, at 5:30, Aunt May came out of her room wearing her sky blue dress, the one that had been my uncle's favorite. She hadn't worn it since his funeral.
We were all three subdued as we took the train to St. Stephen's church cemetery, where Uncle Ben had been laid to rest. It was my aunt who spoke up when we got there. She bent down and put a bouquet of sunflowers in front of his headstone and then turned to me and MJ. "We're here because it's Ben's birthday," she said, "and because he loved all three of us very much." Her voice broke a little bit. "If we let ourselves, we could be sad all evening, but that's not what he would have wanted, because his favorite thing in the world was to see his family happy. So we're going to be sad now, and then we're going to go celebrate his life and that we got to be part of it."
I took MJ's hand again and gently pulled her away. "We'll let you have a minute to yourself." We walked through the green grass, over to a bench in a quiet corner of the cemetery. We sat down together, and MJ kept hold of my hand and put her head on my shoulder. "I love you," she whispered, and I was so glad she'd come that I couldn't answer without crying.
I could see Aunt May across the grass, kneeling in front of my uncle's stone, talking and crying. I wanted to comfort her, but I knew she needed to feel her feelings and say what was on her heart without anyone interfering.
After about ten minutes, she got up, wiped her eyes, and walked toward us. "Your turn, Peter, if you want to," she said softly. So I got up and walked away, glad that as I did so, I saw Aunt May sit down and MJ wrap an arm around her. She's good at the comforting thing.
I approached Uncle Ben's grave, but I stayed standing, because it felt respectful somehow.
"Hi Uncle Ben," I said softly. "I want you to know how sorry I am, and I wish I could show you how hard I'm trying to do things that would make you proud, to be the nephew you always deserved. Thank you for always being there for me and never giving up. I love you, and I hope I can be like you some day."
I felt tears stinging my eyes, and I knew that if I kept going, I would end up in full-blown sobs, so I wiped my sleeve across my eyes and headed back toward the two women in my life, purely beautiful as they sat waiting for me and smiling through their tears.
They both stood up to leave as I approached, but MJ cleared her throat. "I didn't know Uncle Ben as well as you guys, but he always checked on my mom and I when my dad was gone, and he was there for me a lot of times through the years. I'll never forget that. Plus, he gave the best hugs in the world." Aunt May smiled and wrapped an arm around each of us, and we left the cemetery behind.
When we were back on the train, I texted Tony: "You should call May later tonight. It's my uncle's birthday, and she's taking it pretty hard."
The answer was instant. "Duly noted. How are you taking it? TS"
"Not great, but I'll be ok," I answered truthfully.
Aunt May treated MJ and me to a nice Italian dinner. We shared spaghetti and lasagna, and she made us explain how we'd decided to date, which embarrassed me to death but delighted Mary Jane, who told the story in detail but without the Spider-Man part.
Finally, when we'd had enough cannoli to make us burst, we headed home. "How was your psych test?" I asked, tucking MJ's hand into mine once again.
"Aced it," she said, winking. It was a school night, so Aunt May and I dropped her off at her building and then walked home together.
"Pete, be honest with me," said Aunt May. "I think I might really care about Tony Stark. Are you sure you're going to be all right if it gets serious? I don't want you to just say what you think I want to hear."
I listened to her high heels click on the sidewalk for a while before answering as truthfully as I could manage. "I can't say it doesn't feel a little bit weird, but Tony's a good guy, and Uncle Ben would want you to be happy."
"He'd want that for you, too," she said quickly. "He'd be really proud of your internship. You know he was always proud of you."
"I hope so," I answered, wishing she knew everything I knew but too afraid to tell her.
She put her arm around me and gave me a squeeze. "Thanks for going with me today.
"Wouldn't have missed it," I answered.
"For a long time after Ben died, I thought I would never be able to move forward in any area, let alone liking another man," she continued. "And I'm still not sure how I feel about everything, but Tony - he's ok with it. He's patient with me. He never used to be patient."
"Yeah," I agreed. "He gets it." I was remembering the feeling of his arm around me while I'd sobbed out the truth about Uncle Ben's death.
For the first time, it dawned on me that this might not just be a temporary thing, that Aunt May might decide she didn't want to be single forever, that she might actually let Tony into her life - permanently. It was kind of an earthshattering thought. See, when I was a little kid, my parents dropped me off at my aunt's and uncle's house so they could fly to a science convention in Europe. They never made it. Their plane crashed over the ocean, and suddenly Ben and May were stuck with me. The thing is, they never once questioned whether or not they would keep me. They became way more than an aunt and uncle, and it was like I'd gotten a second chance at a family.
Thinking about Tony and May, well, it wasn't just about their relationship. It made me think about the implications of changing things up again. Was it possible I could get a third chance at a father figure? I hardly remembered my dad, but I still missed Uncle Ben's guidance on a daily basis.
I shut off that train of thought pretty quickly. Tony liked May, and she liked him. That didn't mean he wanted to take on some kind of adoptive dad role to a teenager. Even if he had already said he cared about me, that was because of the internship. He wasn't obligated to take me on just because of May. I needed to let her live her life, to move forward the way she wanted to, without trying to figure out how I fit into it.
As soon as we got home, May's phone buzzed, and her face lit up. "Tony's calling!"
I smiled to myself and went to my room to give her privacy. "Just because he wants to be her family doesn't mean he wants to be yours," I reiterated firmly to myself. I couldn't afford to get attached, to trust him in a way that would make it hurt if he didn't want me. You'd think I'd have grown out of those kinds of feelings by high school, but when it comes to needing family, there are some things you never grow out of, no matter how old you get.
