Chapter Twelve
Breakfast was a subdued affair as everyone tried to adjust to the newness of their situation. Daryl sat across the table from Beth who kept shooting him looks when she thought he wasn't looking. He wasn't sure why exactly she kept staring at him but his brain was so hazy from lack of sleep that he couldn't imagine any other reason except for how strange this move had to be for her.
He had gotten very little sleep the night before having spent the majority of it staring at the wall that separated their bedrooms. Having her in such close proximity again was making his mind dredge up memories of their time alone in the woods together. He found himself thinking of things he had not thought of in a long time even though he had been sure that he had replayed every moment of their time together countless times in the weeks after her 'death'.
Having her so close again made him think about how there had once been a time when the only sleep he got was at her side even though in the beginning when they first fled the prison he found he could not sleep beside her. It had very little to do with his trust of Beth's capabilities to keep watch, even then when they were little more than strangers who knew very intimate details of the others lives he knew that Beth would be able to keep him safe. He just could not close his eyes without seeing the faces of all the people they had lost painted across the back of his lids. He knew Beth was faring just the same. They had ended up tracking through the first night, neither one of them willing to sit down and close their eyes just yet, but by the time dusk fell on the second evening they were moving around like walkers themselves. Daryl made Beth sleep first, thinking that it would help her if she got some rest. Instead she had laid stiff by his side while he pretended not to notice her sniffing as she cried for the father she had just seen butchered before her. For the first few weeks they were on their own neither of them slept very well but as time wore on Daryl found he could only sleep if he knew she was close by. It made the time between her absence and the hospital even more rough and the time after that all the more unbearable.
Daryl had thought that having only a wall between them now might help him sleep better at night but instead memory after memory assaulted him all night. He remembered even the smallest things that he never even spared a second thought for since they happened, not even after the events at the hospital. As he lay there in the dark bemoaning the few feet of distance between them he suddenly remembered the way she smiled at him as she passed him some of the gum she had scrounged up in the country club. He kept seeing the way she grinned at him ever so slightly as she passed him a jar full of moonshine on repeat long after the house around him had gone quiet.
XxX
Beth knew now that she had to tell Daryl about the memory she had of him. She simply could not avoid it forever, Daryl needed to know. And if they had truly been romantically involved like she believed then he deserved to know.
However, knowing this and acting on it were two different things. Beth wanted to talk to him about it, she had spent her whole day at work planning out different ways that she could approach him with the subject yet when he joined her on their walk home (Beth could barely wrap her head around the fact that they walked to the same house now) she had stayed quiet.
She wanted to tell him she had remembered something about him, truly she did, she was just afraid of how it would change their relationship. Even if they had once been a couple she was not ready for that, at least not yet. She could not lie to herself and say that the idea of being with him did not interest her. Beth had never really thought about it until the night prior but Daryl was an attractive man. But more importantly he was kind to her and he trusted her, even enough to let her shoot his crossbow. (Beth may not have known much about the man but even she could tell that that was a big deal). The knowledge that they had once been a couple did not send her into spiraling fits of fear, instead it made her incredibly curious. They did not seem like a conventional couple and she wanted to know everything about them. How did they go from two strangers on a farm to being in a relationship so strong that even without her memories Beth knew that she could trust Daryl wholeheartedly?
Beth knew that the only way she was going to get the answers to these questions was if she talked to Daryl about it. But she was not yet ready to admit that she knew they were together, if she told him that he might expect more from her although Beth highly doubted it. Daryl would never ask her for more than she was willing to give and she knew that.
So while she was not yet ready to acknowledge their past relationship Daryl at least deserved to know she had remembered something about him. Beth spent the entirety of the evening trying to gather her nerve to tell him but every time she headed for her door a crippling sense of doubt would overwhelm her. As much as she wanted to tell him she could not quiet the voice inside her head that kept telling her he would only demand more of her. That if he knew she had one memory of him soon he would except her to have all of them. And if she could not meet that demand, well Beth supposed it wouldn't matter then what type of relationship they had had. He probably wouldn't be around much longer after that.
By the time she was finally able to quiet her doubts night had long since fallen. But in the end the thing that got her going out her door was not trust in Daryl but anger at her own fear.
XxX
He was almost asleep when a soft tapping on his door roused him. Stifling a groan into the pillow Daryl shoved the blanket off of him, stumbling over it as it tangled around his legs on the way to the floor. Cursing, he finally managed to untangle himself and yanked open the door with a glare.
His anger immediately melted away as he took in the sight of Beth looking up at him anxiously.
"Sorry. Did I wake you?" there was a twinge of guilt in her voice but behind it Daryl could hear the nerves as she shifted from foot to foot.
Daryl shook his head no even as Beth looked behind him and saw the tangle of his blankets on the floor.
"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, drawing her gaze back to him.
Beth ran her hands up and down her arms as if she was cold before fixing him with a heavy stare. "Can I talk to you?"
His brow furrowed in confusion but Daryl still took a step back, letting Beth step into the room. She walked past him cautiously before perching on the edge of his bed. Daryl swallowed hard and took a step towards her but Beth shook her head.
"Can you shut the door?" she asked nervously, her hands twisting together in her lap.
Turning away from her Daryl shut the door softly, grateful for the moonlight that kept the room from being in total darkness. Cautiously he sat down beside her on the bed, making sure to keep a foot of distance between them as he was still uncertain of how comfortable she was with his proximity.
The silence stretched on for a long moment. Daryl was unsure of what to say or do in this situation. His mind was still trying to fully wake up and he could not figure out what she was doing here. He had just decided she must have remembered something else and wanted to talk to him about it when Beth began speaking, her soft voice laced with guilt as she whispered.
"I lied to you."
Daryl looked over at her quickly although Beth would not meet his eyes, choosing instead to stare down at the floor. His hands clenched the sheets as he tried to figure out what she could have possibly lied to him about.
Before he could think of anything Beth spoke again, her words coming out in a rush. "I did remember something else. You asked me the other night and I lied but the truth is." Beth dropped her head into her hands as she drew in a long breath.
Daryl's mind began to race as he watched her. She had told him several memories that night so why would she keep one a secret? Unless, of course, it was about him. He shook his head quickly not wanting to get his hopes up but the idea lodged itself firmly into his brain even though that was the very reason Beth was not telling anyone else about the memories. He tried to keep his hopes off of his face, certain that if Beth knew what he was thinking she would soon not want to confide in even him about the memories.
Beth did not seem to be able to go on so carefully Daryl reached over and placed his hand on her upper back. She stiffened at his touch but did not pull away as she lifted her head from her hands to look over at him.
"You can tell me Beth." Daryl whispered, his throat suddenly tight as he whispered. "You can tell me anything."
She simply stared at him for so long that Daryl began to worry that she had changed her mind, that she was not going to tell him what she had come in here to say. He closed his eyes in disappointment just when she began to speak, her voice soft as she admitted. "I remembered you."
His eyes popped open in surprise and he saw Beth staring back at him with equal disbelief at her statement. His heart began to pound faster as her words began to sink in and Beth looked away from him then, her hands playing with the ends of her hair as she spoke quickly.
"It happened at the group dinner and it was really just a second but..." She trailed into silence again while Daryl tried to guess what memory she could have gotten of him. She had waited so long to tell him, was it because she was afraid of how he would act upon hearing of it? Or did she remember something that made her scared of him? Was the only memory she had of him the time they had screamed themselves hoarse in each others faces?
Daryl knew how her memories were returning, most of them were very brief flashes of images and with the exception of what she had remembered about Carl yesterday she often did not remember any conversations. If she had remembered him yelling at her without the words to go with it, well it would make sense for her not to want to talk about it with him. She might have misinterpreted the moment as them simply fighting instead of knowing that that moment was when Beth had dragged him screaming out of the mess of pain and guilt he had fallen into after the prison.
Finally he could no longer handle the suspense. That might not have even been the memory she had gotten so he could be worrying himself sick over nothing. He just had to ask, "What did you remember?"
Beth shook her head before looking back at him nervously. "I'm not sure. It was just a second."
She seemed to be trying to downplay the moment as if she was afraid she was letting Daryl down by it not being a big intense memory. She didn't seem to understand that Daryl was ecstatic she had remembered anything about him, no matter how small.
"It was dark but there were a lot of candles. You were holding a jar with a spoon and." Beth trailed into silence as Daryl began to tear through his own memory for the image she had seen. He had a feeling he knew the memory she was speaking of but that memory was so heavy for him that he could not let himself hope that it was the one thing she knew of him from before she had shown up on his doorstep.
"You were looking at me like..." Beth couldn't seem to find the words and Daryl found himself reaching forward to grab her hand where it still played with the ends of her hair, causing her gaze to drift back to him.
"Like what?" he whispered intensely, his heart beating a bruise against his rib cage at the mere knowledge she had remembered anything about him at all. But he had to be sure it was the moment he thought. The moment he had not let himself relive since the first few days after her death.
Beth bit her lip as they stared at each other, her voice barely above breath as she admitted, "Well...like that."
Daryl knew for certain then that it was the same memory he thought it was and like her that night all words failed him but one. "Oh."
XxX
Daryl handled hearing about the memory far better than she had expected. Beth had expected him to ask her more questions about it or to see if she had remembered anything else but he had done neither. He seemed to have understood the flash she had seen even though Beth herself still didn't. As much as she had wanted to press him for more information about what she had seen she didn't. She would have time for that later but at that moment Daryl had needed time to accept that she had remembered something about him.
They had spent a large part of the night simply sitting next to each other in the darkness of his room as they both tried to understand how this had changed their relationship. Not only was Daryl the only one who knew she was getting any memories back but now he knew that she had remembered him too. Since he had reacted as if the memory was real Beth knew for certain now that she truly was seeing memories and not just images her mind had made up.
As they walked to work the next morning with Morgan Beth tried to focus on what he was saying about moving the fences that morning but her mind kept replaying her few memories instead. The longer she stayed here the more flashes of memories returned to her. Whatever the bullet had damaged in its path through her skull seemed to be repairing itself with time. Beth finally allowed herself a small amount of hope that one day she would remember everything.
XxX
The memory Beth did not fully have kept replaying through his mind on repeat throughout the night and long into the morning even after he took his post on guard. That moment was one of the most painful ones for him to remember during her absence and it had grown even worse after he had thought she had died.
What Beth did not realize was how important that moment was for him, for both of them. That was the moment she had started to realize what he himself had just accepted the night before. That was the moment when Beth realized that she had been what changed his mind about believing there was good people in the world. Because of course there were good people out there if Beth Greene was still alive. That was why the memory became physically painful in the weeks after she had 'died'. It just meant that Beth had changed his mind for nothing. It didn't matter if there were good people out there because they were only going to die.
Just like everyone else.
But now that he could look back on the memory without the haze of pain Daryl remembered it for other things. It was the last good moment he had of her for so long. It had been the moment where he had very nearly told her the feelings he was beginning to realize he had for her.
It had been in the coffin that Daryl had realized them. As he lay there and watched her fingers glide over the piano while her soft melodic voice filled the room Daryl finally allowed himself to consider that the way Beth made him feel was not the way a friend made you feel. What he felt for Beth Greene was so much stronger than anything he had ever felt in life. He wasn't willing to put a word to it at the time but he knew he could no longer lie to himself and claim it to be friendship. And while he was not a superstitious man Daryl later thought that realizing that in a coffin had doomed their relationship from the start.
XxX
While she had decided not to ask Daryl about their relationship just yet Beth had made no such promises to herself about asking anyone else. That was how she found herself washing cloth bandages next to Carol and struggling to find the right way to phrase her questions without letting on to the fact that she already knew about her and Daryl being a couple.
Carol seemed to know that Beth had something on her mind because she did not say anything as she wrung red tinted water from the cloth. They had to clear the material of the worst of the mess before they boiled them in hot water. Beth was sure it wasn't the most advanced system but it was effective.
"I heard you moved in with the Grimes." Carol finally broke the silence when it became clear that Beth was not going to be speaking anytime soon.
Beth nodded quickly, wondering quietly how fast that news had spread. She did not fail to notice that both Michonne and Daryl were included under the Grimes name but she was not surprised. She was beginning to suspect there was more to Michonne and Rick's relationship than she was seeing and she had already seen how close Daryl and Rick were. In a weird way they were both Grimes.
"Everyone doing okay with that?" Carol asked softly, turning away from Beth to give her a moment to compose her features at the question.
Beth smiled in appreciation for not being singled out in the other woman's question. She knew too that it was more than just Carol being polite, she truly did care and want to know how the others were fairing.
"It's different." Beth admitted with a shrug. "But I think we'll be o-"
She cut herself off mid word as her and Carol both turned as one to the open window where the unmistakable sound of screaming had begun to drift through.
XxX
All sound seemed to tunnel into one never ending scream of terror. Daryl immediately turned towards the sound, his finger hovering over the trigger of his bow, but even from his high vantage point he could not see the source. Judging from the direction they could only be coming from one place; the section of the wall they were moving.
Silently Daryl began to curse Monroe for not waiting as well as cursing everyone on the team who did not bother to question his judgment. His skin itched with his urge to jump over the wall and go help them but he did not move out of fear that if he left his post walkers would converge on this section as well. He was still contemplating going to help the others anyway, abandoned post be damned, when he heard someone yelling his name.
Daryl turned just long enough to see Paula wave him forward, barely even hearing her cries telling him to go help and that she would manage his section. Swinging his bow onto his back he sat on the edge of the platform before making the six foot jump to the ground below.
He bit the inside of his mouth when he landed and the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth as a shock wave ran through his ankles and knees. Daryl stumbled once before he got his footing back underneath him and sprinted towards the sound of the fighting.
XxX
It was clear from everyone's reactions that they had been in a situation like this before. Rather than running outside to go help whoever was screaming the aides immediately began pulling bandages out of cupboards and placing various medical equipment onto counters and trays.
Beth lingered in the doorway of the main room, unsure of what to do as everyone bustled in a hurry around her. She cast a glance at the door and was just debating running out to offer her assistance out there when Carol was back at her side and grabbing her upper arm tightly.
"Beth." The older woman's eyes were as full of pain and fear as Beth knew her own eyes had to be. "We'll be more useful in here."
Shaking her head Beth took a step towards the door. She could no longer hear any screaming and she did not know whether that was a good thing or a terrible omen of what was still to come. "We have to help them." she whispered, shaking Carol's hand off her arm.
Carol gripped her by the shoulders then, forcing Beth to look back at her as she fixed her intense gaze on her. "We will. In here."
She did not let go until Beth nodded reluctantly in agreement, rushing into the room to help the others set up supplies. Mere minutes later the door opened with a bang and the groaning of a man in pain filled the building.
Speeding into the hallway after Denise Beth watched in open mouthed horror as Tara stumbled inside, her arm wrapped tight around a man Beth had never seen before.
"He's been bit!" Tara cried above another groan.
The word sent everyone into motion, but not the rushed frenzy Beth had been expecting. Denise barked for James to go fetch the other two doctors before motioning for Tara to bring the man into one of the bedrooms. Beth watched with eyes wide in horror as they turned, her eyes glued to the gaping bloody hole where a part of the man's tricep was now missing.
She was in such a shock that she barely noticed the other people beginning to rush into the clinic although she did notice when Tyreese came in pressing a bloody cloth to his face. Beth forced herself to head in his direction despite the growing terror she was beginning to feel.
As she reached him Beth forced her terror and panic down, she needed to be calm if she wanted to help anyone. She quickly pulled one of the wheeled tray tables to her side as she motioned for Tyreese to sit in the chair behind him. Adjusting his hold on the cloth he pressed to his face Beth forced herself to quietly ask the question she was dreading the answer to.
"Is it a walker scratch?"
"No. No." Tyreese let out a moan of pain as Beth reached forward to apply more pressure on the wound. "I was putting up a sheet of metal on the wall when the walkers came. Dropped it to grab my weapon. It caught me on the way down."
Beth nodded, a surprisingly strong sense of relief washing through her at his words. A cut she could heal, but a walker's scratch on his face would have been the end. The bleeding seemed to be slowing but it had not yet reduced enough for her to stitch it.
"There still a lot of walkers out there?" she asked quietly as she pulled the cloth away from his face to clean his wound. She gave him a small smile in sympathy as he winced.
"Not to many." Tyreese flinched as she dabbed the top of his cut with a cotton ball drenched in rubbing alcohol "They had it under control. Told the injured to get inside before the smell of blood drew more."
"Smart." Beth whispered, leaning closer to get a better view of the cut. Despite the blood it did not appear very deep. It had missed his eye by less than an inch but Beth did not bother to tell Tyreese that he was lucky. Everyone still alive was lucky.
"Daryl's idea." Tyreese winced again but Beth barely noticed as she looked at him with wide eyes. She had not realized Daryl was a part of the fighting but upon hearing it she found that she was not incredibly surprised. Her heart clenched in fear for him but she forced herself to shove it away. She had to focus and help the people here. Still she opened her mouth to ask if Daryl was okay but Denise calling her name from across the crowded room stopped her.
"Beth! I need you!"
Standing quickly Beth looked around for another aide but before she was barely on her feet Carol was there, taking the bottle of rubbing alcohol from her hands. Beth made her way as quickly as she could to the room where the bitten man now lay groaning on the bed. Tara was gone but in her place was one of the other doctors, Peter, who barely spared Beth a glance as he pulled on a pair of rubber gloves.
Beth looked at Denise questioningly before her eyes landed on the saw in the woman's hands.
"We need you to help keep him down."
XxX
Sending the injured back inside the walls was a tough call but as Daryl reached for an arrow only for his hand to come back empty he knew it was the right one. At least now he did not have to worry about protecting people who were defenseless as he swung his bow into the skull of the corpse heading towards him.
He heard Abraham let out a shout that sounded almost like a war cry and if he had had the breath Daryl would have told him to shut the hell up. They did not need to draw any unnecessary attention towards themselves, there was a reason they weren't using guns after all.
The numbers around them dwindled and Daryl let his bow fall from his hands, pulling his knife out from the sheath on his hip. It slid easily into the skull of the walker reaching for him with mangled hands and Daryl found himself wrinkling his nose at the smell of the bodies. He had been inside the walls for so long he had almost forgotten the stench of the dead.
Panting from exertion Daryl straightened, his eyes scanning the woods and surrounding area quickly. It seemed the walkers had all been put down. Morgan nodded at him gratefully as Daryl picked up his bow, swinging the strap back over his shoulder. A few steps behind him Abraham laughed, as if they had just been playing a game rather than fighting for their lives and the lives of those inside. Daryl turned to the sound in time to see the girl, Holly he thought her name was, standing next to Abraham roll her eyes at his actions, bending to wipe her blade clean on the shirt of a walker by her feet.
The two he had told to stay by the gap in the fence were still there, Katy's knife held so tight in her hands that even feet away Daryl could see her knuckles had gone white. The boy, whose name Daryl didn't know, had a hammer clenched in one fist although Daryl saw that his other hand was wrapped around the but of the gun strapped to his hip.
Daryl was just about to snap at him to put the gun away when the groans of more dead filled his ears from behind him.
XxX
Trigger warning: this next section includes a graphic amputation
Beth stood frozen in the doorway unable to tear her eyes away from the man moaning on the bed. He tried to twist away from Peter as the doctor placed a rag over his mouth. The man kicked roughly for a few moments before he went still.
Peter saw her horrified stare as he looked up. "Cholorform. Not the safest method but we use what we've got." he beckoned for Beth to come further into the room and somehow she manged to get her feet to corporate. Peter passed her the rag as well as a small brown bottle. She could just smell the faint stench of the sweet smelling liquid from the distance with which she held the rag in her gloved hand.
Denise approached the bed then, checking the tourniquet tied just below the man's shoulder. Beth could not tear her eyes from the sharp toothed saw in her hand even as Denise told her. "We need you to dose him if he starts to wake up."
Beth shook her head in terror. This was all to much for her. She could deal with the blood and the cuts and even broken bones but this? She was on no level prepared for this. Her fear was heavily evident in her voice as she whispered, "I can't."
"You have to." Denise looked up at her then, her blue eyes full of guilt as she admitted. "The others are more useful out there than you. They have more experience. I've never seen you flinch at blood before Beth. Don't start now."
Closing her eyes Beth drew in a few quick breaths, making sure to breath through her mouth so the scent of blood would not keep lingering on her. She knew this man would die if they did not amputate soon and Denise was right, she would be better in here than the others. Not trusting herself to speak she nodded once to let the doctors know she was ready to help.
Positioning herself at the head of the bed Beth clutched the rag in one hand while she held the man's uninjured arm down with the other. Peter had been called out to help another patient leaving Beth to face the grizzly sound of the saw biting through the man's flesh alone. As much as she did not want to see the mess of muscles, blood and tendons that had once been his arm Beth had to keep her gaze locked downwards to watch the man's face for any sign of him waking.
As she did so the soft sounds of Denise grunting as she dragged the saw back and forth suddenly faded out and instead all she could hear were people crying out and she was back in the dark prison she had seen in her memory of Carl. An old man lay on one of the dirty bunk beds, his face pale and his right leg ending just below the knee.
Shaking her head Beth tried to focus on the present, her fingers curling around the man's shirt as Denise sawed through the last few pieces of flesh attaching his arm to his body. The man's face was still unmoving and Beth was grateful he had been placed into drug induced sleep. She could not imagine facing this with him awake.
Another flash assaulted her then and Beth whimpered as the horrific memory hit her.
She was back in the hospital and everyone was yelling around her. She had her hands on the shoulders of a woman not much older than her and she could see the bit mark on the woman's arm. Dr. Edwards was there and Beth watched as he began to amputate the woman's lower arm completely ignoring the girl as she began to buck and scream.
"Pass me the tray Beth." Denise's voice pulled her from the memory with a start. Casting one last look at the man whose life they had just saved from the walker's infection Beth quickly moved to help Denise close off his arteries so they had not just saved him only to have him bleed to death. Even as she worked part of her mind was still locked on the two visions she had just seen wondering who on earth those people possibly could have been.
XxX
The dead just kept spilling out of the trees. It was taking all they had to keep them at bay. Daryl longed for his crossbow but without arrows it was currently useless, in fact he had abandoned it on the corpse littered ground so that he could move easier with his knife.
More than once he found himself pressed back to back with Morgan or Abraham as they tried to end the influx of walkers headed at them. Daryl could just see the end of the herd in sight which was enough to keep him going even as every muscle in his body begged for him to stop.
They had sent the boy back inside for reinforcements leaving Holly and Katy to kill any walker that manged to get past them before it got through the walls. At one point Daryl had been forced back as two walkers attacked him at the same time. Ducking under the outreached arms of one he had managed to kick the knee of the other in. Before he managed to stab it the other walker was on top of him and knocking him to the earth. In seconds both walkers were falling on him. He had manged to catch one by the shoulders but the other was heading straight for his neck when suddenly its blood was splattering on his face as a boot slammed into its skull. The weight of the walker above him was lifted and Daryl struggled to his feet in time to see Holly slip her knife into its head. He managed a nod of gratitude before throwing himself back into the fighting.
By the time reinforcements showed up there was only a handful of walkers left to deal with. Which was a good thing since it seemed the boy had only grabbed the first people he had seen to come out and help them. One of the girls looked to be Carl's age and Daryl cursed when he realized that the only weapon she was holding was a gun.
"Don't!" he gasped out as she rose the gun to shoulder level, her shaking hands causing the gun to jump. He ignored the walkers that turned in his direction at his voice. His next cry for her not to fire was lost as the gunshot echoed through the clearing and a searing pain ripped through him.
