Italics are meant to be Trigedasleng. I am nowhere near fluent in that amazing language, no matter how much I keep trying. Any mistakes are my own.

CHAPTER 12

Clarke's worries aren't long lived, although that's exactly how she feels. They only wait two hours in a room in one of the highest floors of the Tower when Lexa's voice leaks through the thin slits of the closed double doors, loud and angry. Really angry, making Clarke finally stop her nervous pacing to stand by the door in anticipation.

Kane, Nathan and Raven instantly stand from their seats at the sound as well, startled eyes fixed on the door as several hurried steps echo down the hallways. They exchange worried glances but no one speaks, they have no idea what is happening, they only know that the horns have stopped and there doesn't seem to be any attacks going on for the moment.

Lexa's voice is heard again, closer, louder and so imposing that Clarke feels her skin crawl. She's only ever seen Lexa angry once, heard her scream once but she's usually always been the epitome of collected and control. And the only thing she can think about is that whatever happened must be extremely serious if it's managing to bring out such a reaction from Lexa.

"Is it safe for us to be here?" Nathan breaks the tense silence and Clarke turns to see Raven standing just behind her, staring at her as if she holds the answers to their questions, as if she could say something to calm the fear they're all experiencing.

"No one can attack Polis. This is neutral ground." Clarke throws out as half explanation, half assurance. She refuses to meet Raven's scared eyes by turning back around though, their earlier conversation still fresh in her mind. Hopefully they'll have time to straight things out later.

The next sound they hear is a door slamming so hard that the doors in front of them shake with the force of it and then the screaming finally ceases, most likely because Lexa is now screaming in the privacy of a closed space rather than the hallways.

"You said you heard war horns." Raven reminds her and Clarke closes her eyes for a moment, briefly wishing that Lexa would walk right through these doors and explain what's happening instead of her having to wing it to calm down her anxious friends.

But Lexa is not coming and Clarke is starting to get anxious too. Part of her wants to just walk towards Lexa and demand an explanation, get the information she needs no matter what because that's what she'd have done before, but a bigger part of herself insists on reminding her that trouble is all she carries no matter where she goes and there is no doubt in her head that whatever is happening it's because of her.

"I know what I heard." She says facing them, trying to focus on Kane, who has been turning the radio he brought with him anxiously in his hands, like he's itching to contact her mom and inform her of what's happening even though they have no idea of what that is. "But Lexa assured me that no one can attack the city. As long as we're here, we're safe."

"And we trust her now?" Raven asks ironically, a mocking smile starting to pull at the corners of her lips but Clarke sees right through her. Raven is terrified by this turn of events, as are all of them.

"We don't really have much of an option right now." She says, aiming to sooth her friends but the truth is that she's really starting to freak out.

Lexa mentioned a bounty on her head, she is a threat and the Clans believe she is the most deadly person to walk among them. Egar called her the Princess of Death before his dwell with Lexa that resulted in his death. If anyone is about to attack the Capitol -that every Grounder is bound to protect- is because they believe Polis is guarding the single most dangerous person on earth and the risk is worth it.

"What about the people at Ton DC? Are they safe?" Kane inquires worriedly and Clarke realizes that his concern has been because of the people they left behind instead on themselves since they were rushed inside the room and her worries must have been there with his, but instead she's been thinking about Lexa's safety and her own, and a city that she's just barely getting to know but that she inexplicably already loves and needs to protect.

And Clarke isn't sure how to answer his question. She knows that Lexa wasn't lying when she told her that no one would attack Polis but Ton DC is a different story, and the Ice Nation has already put a bounty out there for Clarke's head and perhaps other Clans have followed her lead by now. The obvious place to look for her first would be close to Ton DC, maybe even Camp Jaha itself.

"I don't know." She finally admits tiredly, exhausted even, as the two nights without any sleep come rushing to catch up to her and she becomes lightheaded, she feels weak, her extremities are heavy. "I don't know."

She ignores Raven's harsh intake of breath, Nathan's obvious distress and Kane's nervous glances as she opts for walking to the far back of the room, if only to free herself from the collective suspense that's taken over them for just a little bit.

If the Ice Nation has chosen to declare war against Lexa and the Coalition now, then nothing they do will stop it. Not even the Commander's wedding. With how strained things are between the Ice Queen and Lexa, Clarke is certain that no respect will come from Azgeda regarding their wedding.

"How dare she sent soldiers to the Capitol's gates?!" Lexa growls as soon as she exists the elevator with Titus hot on her heels, consciously aware of how her guards step out of her way immediately.

"You know this is no mistake as they claim it to be." Titus curtly says, making Lexa stop short in her tracks and turn around to face him. He takes an involuntarily step back when she walks towards him resembling a lion stalking its prey. He's seen her mad before but this time feels different, her rage reeks of wilderness.

"Of course I know, Titus." She growls, slowly and contained at first. "I know what she's after. I know what she's hoping to achieve with this so called mistake. I know exactly what she wants!"

Pushing the doors to her throne room open Lexa strides inside wishing –not for the first time- she could give in to her rage and let her anger free as she pleases, but she's painfully aware of what's at stake and she knows better than that. If Nia thinks for a second that she is so naïve to play into her mind games then she is evidently mistaken.

Her Advisors are already waiting for her, all standing tensely around her and all fall to their knees when she overlooks them with anger in her eyes that is not meant for them. Still they show her respect in an attempt to avoid her anger, which hasn't happened in years but their traditions speak highly, and their fear only proves her rightful place as Commander.

"Sit." She notices that the sun has already gone down and Clarke is probably beating herself for answers that she can't give her yet.

"Should I cancel tonight's dinner with your betrothed, Heda?" Titus asks as she takes her seat on her throne. His question and constant pacing only makes her grip the armrests harder, her patience is lacking.

"No." She tells him and she doesn't mean to fix him with the hard glare that she's given him but she won't sent Clarke or her Advisors into a fear induced state by cancelling something as simple as dinner, besides this is exactly what Nia wants, to stop her wedding preparations by bringing chaos to her doorsteps. "We'll dine as I said we will. Sit, Titus. Your constant pacing is distracting."

He stops moving immediately and sits down as told but his eyes are nothing if not crazed, and she knows he wants to see blood running for the clear lack of respect to this prosperous times. Looking away from his anger, Lexa makes sure to have the attention of everyone before she speaks.

"Azgeda soldiers arrived at the gates of the Capitol three hours ago. They came with war horns and armor. A personal guard for their new Ambassador, they claimed. A way to protect her from the Princess of Death."

Princess is merely a courtesy, Lexa knows the name her people have given Clarke in the past few days and she also knows how much it will hurt Clarke to find out about it.

"Azgeda had no knowledge of Wanheda becoming your betrothed. They are merely misinformed." Pal adds. "Their new Ambassador needs to be immediately informed of this."

"She already is." Titus fills the rest in, his voice shaking slightly as he fights to control his own anger. "That's the reason why she asked for protection on her arrival to Polis. She claims to distrust Wanheda's motives for this union with Heda. Somehow they were already aware of Wanheda's whereabouts and status."

Huffing to herself, Lexa takes a deep breath on her throne. Ontari is a warrior, the marks on her face and arms are tell enough of that, but she'll do well to not underestimate Clarke. This whole act of vulnerability might be a distraction, a war tactic but Lexa knows the new Ambassador has come with strict orders from her Queen and has been specifically chosen for whatever mission Nia has plotted. She'll need to double the guards on the Tower and on Clarke.

"We will not play into the Queen's games." Lexa speaks. "It is no mistake that a part of her army has marched so close to Polis. But worry not, I've already gave the command for them to return to their lands and they have obeyed. Only Ontari remains and she'll serve as their Ambassador in the Capitol."

"She's threating you." Leo's voice cuts through and although soft, is overheard by all of them. Truer words cannot have been spoken. "She believes Clarke has put you up to this. She thinks your marriage is a sham."

For a moment Lexa allows herself a moment to appreciate the use of Clarke's name and even feel grateful for it, but Leo's words are dangerous in its reality. The uncertainty is fast to spread through her Advisors' eyes at once but she has to be just as fast to shut it down.

"The Ice Queen is entitled to her assumptions, as wrong as they are." Lexa calmly but unyieldingly responds. "But let it be known that my commitment to my houmon will not be questioned by Nia or anyone else. I won't allow it and anyone who dares to will respond directly to me. Tomorrow I will meet with the Ambassadors of the Twelve Clans and Nia will do well to keep her tropes away from these lands for good. As for Ontari, she will submit to my laws or face the consequences."

"Azgeda still needs to learn about your marriage. I'm sure once Queen Nia hears about this joyous news, her worries about Wanheda will be put to rest." Margot interferes, hopeful still.

"The Queen was already familiar with this information. I want to know who her informant in the Capitol is." Her eyes meet those of Amada, who is quick to bob her head and accepting the order.

"The Queen has overstepped again." Titus speaks tensely from his chair. Lexa can see him shake, his anger is palpable, a living thing beating beneath his skin, just like hers has been not long ago. He wants the young warrior's head who they claimed made the mistake of using the war horns, but Lexa won't provoke a response from Nia and her army by taking the child's life. She will not begin this war.

"First she sends her personal Ambassadors to meet with the Elders, then she retrieves her Ambassador from Polis without your knowledge and then they are meeting with members of the Eleven Clans behind your back! And now this! She sends a new Ambassador to the Capitol without consulting you, without your approval. Her troops, as small as they might be, have marched close to Polis and Ontari is walking these streets with messages of fear and doubt towards your betrothed. This is unacceptable!"

His anger confirms his position and Lexa is somehow relived to know that he stands by her, even if he doubts this union, even if he's already voiced his concerns, even if he isn't capable of trusting Clarke himself, even when it's obvious that more doubts will rise before they're put to rest. Titus stands by her and she can see it in his eyes, the determination to lay all their laws and traditions upon it, upon Clarke and upon their upcoming marriage. He will protect Clarke and Lexa is grateful for his loyalty yet once again.

Standing from her throne Lexa is imposing in the room and it stops any and all reaction from the rest of her Advisors as she calls their attention to focus solely on her.

"I don't need to be reminded of the Queen's insubordinations, Titus. But I won't punish anyone but she, for her mistakes. You know as well as I do that those warriors were only following her orders. Ontari is bound to her quarters until after her Queen makes her presence known and we settle this once and for all. She will not leave this Tower."

"But Heda, the Queen won't come to Polis. Not if she is actually defying you."

"She will if she wants everyone to believe this to have been a mistake. She doesn't want the Eleven Clans thinking she's threatening the Capitol while her Ambassadors are trying to convince them that the real threat is Clarke and our marriage."

"Heda, they need to be punished for this." Leo is standing now as well, his posture defying her decision already. Lexa knows that he wants blood as well. Like Titus, Leo's trust is not easily given. "You cannot let this slide and look the other way!"

"I am not looking the other way. I will not start a war, Leo. I will not have her warriors killed so close to Polis to give her motive and I will not endanger this Coalition. Nia is the only one who will respond for this. If she hasn't arrived in two days time to explain herself then I will take action, not before."

"What is there to explain?" Leo's voice rises and Lexa closes her eyes in an attempt to calm herself down. She has to remind herself that he means well. They all mean well and punishing the warrior is merely upholding their ways, but Lexa knows Nia will gladly take whatever she can use against her and she will not give her the ammo to feed to the Clans against herself. However, once the Clans hear of this, no one will stand idly by knowing that Azgeda has threatened Polis, accidentally or not. Tomorrow's meeting with the Ambassadors will seal Azgeda's fate but before that, Lexa will not act.

"You heard me." When he remains quiet, a rarity in itself, Lexa returns to her throne but she doesn't take a sit. "The Summit with the Skaikru will take place tomorrow at sundown. As for their initiation as the thirteenth Clan is still to be seen."

They all speak at once. They all believe that the Summit is necessary, especially with their upcoming union. Raising her hand in the air, Lexa takes a deep breath as silence falls and reigns again.

Lexa has no intention of delaying the Skaikru initiation in her Coalition but someone has sent word to Nia about her engagement even when Lexa gave the explicit order not to until their Ambassador is within Polis' walls. If the Summit's true motive remains the same then this informant will sent word again and Azgeda will do anything to prevent the Skaikru from joining the Coalition.

"You are dismissed. Amada, stay."

Leo is a beat away from protesting but Lexa fixes him with a glare that he thankfully finds intimidating enough to walk out of the room behind a very displeased Titus.

Amada stands to meet Lexa in the center of the room before bowing slightly. Lexa is immensely grateful for the older woman's soothing presence in a moment like this. Amada has always stand out in her ability to maintain a cool head even in times of war. Think before you act, Amada has told a small Lexa when she kept falling down in training.

"How may I be of service, Heda?"

"Double the guard on the Tower. Make sure we have eyes at all times on the outside, beyond the city limits, if the Azgeda warriors decide to return. Double the shifts, double the force. If they make a move I am to be immediately informed."

"You think they'd attack the city?"

"No." Lexa quickly concludes. "Nia is a lot of things, a fool is not one of them. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Her plan already crumbled when I let her warriors go. It won't surprise me if she tries to make it look like I attacked her to gain the Clans' favor."

"She'll sacrifice her own warriors to achieve this, Heda?"

"Yes, she will."

Amada's shoulders stiffen at the admission, her upper lip trembles in an angry snarl that she fights to contain. After having witnessed the cruelty of the Ice Queen on many occasions in the past, she still struggles to understand why a person will willingly seek war in times of peace for the sake of power.

But once, many years ago, when she was only a second to her mentor and the youngest warrior to march to battle, Amada admired Nia and her strength to set her Clan apart from the rest because they were in the middle of war after war, trapped in an infinite circle of fights, blood and chaos, and she managed to stay away, to protect her people from the insanity as a young Queen. But then Heda perished to several wounds and his spirit left his body, finding its next vessel in a young boy of barely eleven summers and the Queen has brought war upon him with renewed force, seeking his power and the spirit that has found a home in him.

Nia was nothing if not pure brutality and Amada realized that she didn't step away from the wars for the protection of her people. She retreated to plan her move to become the next Commander when the current one passed away, ignoring their beliefs, their traditions and the Elders' advice.

When Lexa managed to unite the Eleven Clans many years later and Nia knew that she couldn't defeat Heda in battle, she attacked her heart but Lexa still didn't break in the way Nia expected her to. Lexa swallowed down her pain and sacrificed her own vengeance for the greater good, for the wellbeing of her people.

This is how Amada knows that Lexa will do the right thing now as well. This is why Amada believes that Nia will do anything to exploit the power and threat that Wanheda possesses. She knows, as well as Nia certainly does, that Lexa won't let the past repeat itself.

"Has he sent word yet?" Lexa doesn't meet her eyes when she asks and Amada has to steel herself before she answers. She's been against this plan but Heda had faith, and Amada's faith in Heda is still great.

"No, Heda. He has two days left to return."

"He doesn't have two days. If he's not back here by tomorrow before the summit you are to arrest him as soon as he sets foot on my lands."

"Yes, Heda."

Finally and after hours of pacing the room nervously, waiting for information and worrying sick about what could be happening, Clarke steps back and takes a seat on a worn out leather couch. She is exhausted and wants nothing more than to lay down and sleep but that isn't even an option right now.

Since the moment she heard the horns and the word Azgeda on the streets her heart has been beating wildly inside of her chest, and she's been afraid. At first she was afraid for all of them and after her talk with Kane her mind went to her people, to her mother and to Octavia who stayed back in Ton DC in charge of their friends' wellbeing, in charge of the still fragile Alliance that she established with the Commander. Clarke was afraid for the people in Polis and for her own life but she didn't realize how terrified she's been for Lexa until the Commander walked through the doors safe and sound, angry but alive, and she let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding.

But Lexa doesn't come with good news. Azgeda is testing her and not so subtly pushing her buttons. They want war; that much is clear. Lexa announces that the Summit will take place tomorrow, they can't wait much longer and Clarke agrees.

A storm is about to fall upon them and Lexa is the epitome of stoicism as she retells what happened and answers Kane's questions without missing a beat, though her eyes keep straying towards Clarke. There is something she is not telling them but Clarke waits until Kane leaves the room to contact her mother on the radio and Raven and Miller have no other option but to follow him out. They will have to return to Lexa's house but Clarke has to stay in the Tower, in Lexa's room, with Lexa.

She doesn't put up a fight, she knows what she signed up for and now more than ever they need to present an unbreakable front. Doubts about their relationship can't rise, they can't afford them.

"Why would the Ambassador ask for a personal guard to come to Polis?" She asks softly, painfully aware of how restless Lexa is and how she hasn't moved from the middle of the room where she stands with her arms tightly clasp behind her back. "You said Polis is safe. Don't they know that?"

"It is and they do." Since she walked inside the room, Lexa's voice has become softer by the minute and now all that's left after such passionate screams and yells is a tired voice, a tired woman.

"Why would she think that she needed protection then?" Lexa doesn't offer a verbal answer but when her eyes lock with Clarke's she just knows.

She breathes in deeply, shakily and she feels herself shrink in the couch. She is the threat. She is the reason why war horns were heard by all the people of Polis. She is the reason why many of them won't be able to sleep soundly tonight, afraid of what might happen. She is the threat they all fear.

But Clarke has heard about the Ice Queen, not much but enough to know that she isn't the kind of ruler to accept fearful warriors among her army and that's why Ontari's arrival on Polis is nothing but a clear sign of her intentions.

Nia wants Clarke dead and if she has to convince every single Clan of how dangerous Clarke is, then she will and she'll lie her way there without consideration.

"She wants to stop the wedding." She concludes and Lexa finally moves, taking slow and short steps towards a long table by the wall where she sheds her iron gauntlets and the shoulder piece with her red sash before turning to face Clarke again.

"Yes." She proceeds to walk to other side of the room where she opens the closet and hangs her black coat in a hanger and Clarke forces herself to look away from bare arms and well defined muscles to force out her next words.

"She wants me dead." They come out of her mouth simply, without anger, fear or sadness. She wonders when dead became something so common that she no longer fears it and can be talked about so freely.

"She wants your power."

Looking up, Clarke sees the clothes that Lexa has set on the foot of the bed and she shouldn't be thinking about sleeping arrangements but she is and suddenly she becomes very aware of the existence of only one bed, and how they are supposed to share it. Polis expects them to share that bed. Lives depend on it. Hell! The Coalition depends on them sharing that bed!

"What power?" She asks confusedly, irritated and attention torn between Nia and that bed. But Lexa's eyes turn impossibly softer as she kneels in front of Clarke on the floor and her muscles are even more visibly now that she's so close. But whatever she's about to tell her Clarke already knows will leave her aching because those green eyes have turned pleading and resigned all at once. Those eyes remind her of a rainy day, of thunders and lightings, with no hope for a clear down.

"My people believe that when you kill a man you get their strength. You brought down the Mountain on your own."

As vague as her explanation might be, Clarke gets the meaning behind her words clear and she can't help the pain it brings, she isn't prepared and as much as she hates the pain there is a part of her that wishes that it never goes away. She wants to be conscious of what she's done and how much it haunts her. She needs to be aware of how painful it is to kill someone so it doesn't become normal.

"And I killed them all." She whispers short of breath and now more than ever she wishes Lexa's presence was support instead of a reminder of what she had to do, but that isn't the case and her presence only adds to that guilt and pain.

"My people believe you command death itself. That kind of power is wanted by many."

"Even you." Clarke whispers the words she knows to be true and Lexa doesn't deny them, nor does she look away but her eyes do turn haunted.

"Yes." She admits but Clarke is not surprised by her honesty.

"You knew about this already." It's not an accusation, it's a fact that's been there since the beginning and she doesn't blame Lexa for using that information to her favor. She'd have done the same thing and they both know it.

Lexa can't afford to be seen as weak without having her people demanding her head and having someone like Clarke walking free would have only fueled the people to believe their Heda can't overpower her, because that would have been the ideal solution. But Lexa will never cease to surprise Clarke with her intellect. Whoever killed Clarke would have been believed to command death but Lexa has chosen to let her live and rule by her side, this way she'd be conceived as the most powerful Heda there ever was, commanding death and live, side by side.

"I heard the rumors, yes, but I do not believe you to command death. We do what we must to survive. The decisions we make to survive do not define us, Clarke."

"But they do. They must." Clarke insists and Lexa frowns.

"What are you talking about?"

"The Ice Queen believes this to be true, right?"

"Not necessarily, but if the Clans believe her to have gained the power of Wanheda they will fear her and she will rise against my rule. She'll have the support she needs, even if it's fueled by pure fear."

But doubt rises between them already and Clarke is once again vulnerable and insecure by the admission. It'll be so much easier for Lexa to just kill Clarke and be over with it. She doesn't need to marry her, to protect her, to keep her alive.

"Is that why you're protecting me?" Lexa leans forward by impulse and although it's clear that she wants to reach out and take Clarke's hands in her own, she limits herself to make eye contact and fist her hands on her sides.

"I want you safe, Clarke. I need you to be safe. I won't - I can't lose you to her. I won't let you fall in her hands."

It's the emotion in Lexa's voice that urges Clarke to be the one that reaches out and place a tentative hand on her shoulder. This game has too many blurred lines already that are meant to vanish at some point, leaving them both even more confused and tangled than they already are. Clarke isn't sure where the lies begins or end anymore. Only life and death is clear as day.

"I wouldn't blame you." She softly says and Lexa closes her eyes, taking deep breaths, collecting herself.

"I'm protecting you because I care about you, Clarke. And I don't want to live in a world without you in it."

Pulling back her hand Clarke can only stare confusedly and still distrusting, and her doubts keep growing. Maybe her feelings aren't one sided after all. Just maybe.

"And I need your spirit to stay where it is." She complies and Lexa's lips curl slightly upwards at the implication, still sad but somehow hopeful.

"After tomorrow you'll have the Clans' protection and no one, no one will be able to touch you."

The ferocity in Lexa's voice gives Clarke hope to believe. She nods and Lexa's confidence gives her strength. Not everything is lost, maybe they do have a chance at peace and maybe they're closer to achieve it than they think.

"Come on." Lexa stands and points to the closet behind her as she returns to pick up the coat from the bed. "Pick whatever you want to wear, we have a dinner to attend to."

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