"The Avalanche Has Already Started."
Disclaimer – I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent, (down from severe OK?). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).
A/N –Lenoschka , I've just been reliably informed that if you don't stop thinking about Ems like that Naomi is going to take one of those frozen chickens and...well… I've told her that's its probably biologically impossible but she's insisting that she'll give it a good try. Oh and that goes to the people that keep re-reading Chapter 3 and none of the others as well, pervs d-:
Short mixed up one this time, a little pace is required methinks. Plus a couple of bounces around in time so try and keep up (-:
Chapter 12 – Bang!
Katie
No, No NO, NO, NO!!!!
Not again. Not a-fucking-gain.
What the fuck am I doing?
***
Naomi
I hate waking up alone. Over the last few months I think I've more than paid for every time I'd ran from Emily, or forced her to run from me; leaving one of us alone in bed.
Over the last week I've got used to her being there next to me when I've woken up; got used to it all over again. Her red hair draped, more often that not, across me or across my pillow. This morning I've woken up alone and I'm not liking it.
I know she's only left to go for that interview Lara is setting her up with but it's not yet ten and her side of the bed is cold, like she was never there. I hope she's back soon, I've only just woke up and I'm missing her already.
Part of me knows it's as a result of last night. For a small moment I had a dragon escape from its cage; it was quickly captured and locked up mainly thanks to Katie and her intervention but I can't help remembering just how jealous and angry I was in that nightclub. I'm not particularly proud of it, but it's all so new again and still so fragile; I can't help thinking that at any stage she'll come to her senses and dump me.
I know I've got no reason to think that, I know I'm fucking paranoid; the last couple of days have shown me that. I guess that deep down after six years of hiding I still can't believe it, can't believe we're together. I've got her back and I can't lose her again.
I really should get out of bed; I need to do some chores before getting ready for work this afternoon but I can't be arsed. Resigned to being a twat for the morning I pull her pillows towards me, push my face into them and head back to sleep. Perhaps next time I wake up, I won't be alone.
***
I'm woken by the front door slamming close and footsteps running up the stairs. She bounces into the room and throws herself onto the bed.
"Naoms, I'm home."
"I'd noticed," I reply. Inside though, I'm thinking 'thank fuck for that'.
***
Effy
I was dreaming about Katie Fucking Fitch, and not in a good way. That's just fucking weird.
It's been a strange few days. Yesterday apparently I was hugging Katie in my sleep in the morning, her best mate at lunchtime and her date at night.
Ok so it wasn't a date, but we did spend the whole evening together and then ended up in bed, so I guess technically it was a date. I suppose it counts as a date in my world, when you look at the things I've got to compare it to. That describes pretty much all I ever did with Cook and Freddie. In fact you could say it was a lot more than I ever did with Cook, he never stayed the night, never stayed for long after we'd finished. At least Katie's still here, though perhaps if we'd actually fucked she wouldn't be. After all, they all 'love me and leave me' in the end.
I guess people would be shocked that I'm actually thinking about fucking Katie. I don't know why they would be, I'm not as prejudiced as she is, or as paranoid as Naomi was. I'm not hung up on sex or sexuality, the way I see it a fuck is a fuck, love is love, it doesn't matter who it is, or what gender they are. I'd always wanted to tell Naomi that, you can't help who you love, you just do. Look at me and Freddie.
Though I'm not saying that I love Katie; not by a long shot. I can't love her; I still love Freddie, even if he is dead.
I do like her though; I actually like her a lot. I would probably go so far as to say I fancy her a little; she looked like a diamond last night. I couldn't help saying 'wow' when she walked in with Emily. For someone that usually dresses like a D-List WAG all short skirts and leopard skin she scrubs up nicely when she tries. She's also quite good fun to be with once you get below that bitchy exterior. We'd had a laugh, she makes me feel good.
"Eff?"
Shit, she's awake. Fuck I hope she's not going to freak again.
"Katiekins?" I reply, stick to the old coolness Elizabeth that's right. Don't give anything away.
"What time is it?"
I pick up the phone from the bedside table. "Quarter past eleven, give or take."
"Fuck, I should have texted Emily last night, where's my fucking phone." She's out of bed and digging through her bag.
"Katie," I say holding out the phone to her.
"Thanks Eff." She starts texting her sister, "She's going to fucking kill me isn't she? I promised I'd text her if I wasn't going home."
Isn't that strange, it's normally Katie that's complaining Emily isn't telling her exactly where she is. How times change...I decide to put her out of her misery.
"Katie I texted Ems last night when we got home, from that phone, you're in the clear." She smiled at me, and then she hugged me, it felt...well, nice. I'm not really sure what to do here.
"Thanks Eff, I really don't want to disappoint Ems you know. She's been so good to me recently; you all have."
Alarm bells are ringing through my head...getting too close Effy, time to close off and push them away.
"Well you can't disappoint me Katiekins; I'm the one that encourages you to get into these messes. You should stay away from me, I fuck everyone up."
I wish she wouldn't smile at me that way.
***
Emily
"I got the job, I got the job, I got the job..."
I'm practically bouncing on the bed; OK I am actually bouncing on the bed. Naomi's looking at me with pity in her eyes.
"You are such a baby, you know that?" She states shaking her head at me. I don't care, I got the job. I got the girl and I got the job how fucking cool is that?
"Yeah well, you love me don't you, so get over it."
I'm smiling at her like an idiot. Nothing can ruin this mood, the Far East is a go, couple of weeks working to get a few extra quid and we're off, Singapore was my first idea but there are so many places I'd like to go, Hong Kong, China, Naomi's mentioned Japan in the past. I'd tried to sound so confident last night, like I'd sorted it already, but honestly I'd only just thought of it after talking to Lara about working. We'll talk about it later, perhaps get out the maps lay them all over this bed again eat Garibaldi's and dream about where we could go.
It'll be just like the old days, except this time we'll do it, all of it.
Together.
The next few months will be a life changing experience for us both; I just know it. It'll make us. All of the hidden paranoia, all of the fear, the hurt and the regret we're sharing - it's going to be lost as the distance between us and fucking Bristol increases. We'll be forged together within the heat of the world and all that will be left once that crucible has cooled will be pure love, just me and her, ready to make a new life for ourselves in London.
"What you thinking babe?"
I realise she's looking at me, soft eyes staring into mine. She's got beautiful eyes, clear and blue with a darker band around them that just locks you in, stops you escaping. When she smiles, and I mean properly smiles, her eyes just intensify, they light up like searchlights and they burn right through you. I love her eyes, love her.
I don't reply, not with words anyway, I don't need words to tell her what I'm thinking, don't have words to express it all; but that's ok. As long as I've got eyes, hands, arms and lips I can tell her. Make up for the limitations in language; make up for the fact that "I Love You" just doesn't cut it; just isn't enough...
...and I know she understands.
***
Katie
I don't know what's going on here, don't understand what I'm feeling, don't understand anything really.
Why is she telling me to stay away from her? Doesn't she know I need her, need her to keep me sane, need them all?
I just smile at her; it's the smile I use a lot. Ems tells me I look vacuous when I do it, I looked it up when she first said it, and then I punched her. Cheeky bitch.
"You don't encourage me Eff; I've been getting fucked up like this for years. This is me remember? Katie Fitch complete bitch."
It's true, if I'm honest even I don't like myself most of the time. I'm cruel, vindictive, a total tart but most of all I'm unhappy. I've gone about my life doing things because I wanted to, no, actually I've done them because I thought people expected it of me.
Even with Emily.
For nearly 18 years I've been a total shit to my sister. I know she hates me, she's been saying it often enough since we were kids, I've seen the tape, even the bit she added at the end last year after we sat and watched our younger selves, the one she doesn't think I know she did. I know she loves me as well despite it all. But I was the oldest twin; it was my job to be in charge, to tell her what to do and who to like. I blame mum, she encouraged me from a really young age, but I enjoyed it, enjoyed the power it gave me.
I'm not a nice person to be around really. I date and fuck boys because that's what you do isn't it? You get together with a bloke, fuck like rabbits and then see if he stays. The good ones stay and don't stray, the rest are just learning experiences and you get to think of them as twats. It's just life; sex is all I've really got going for me. Sex is power, that's all there is to it. I use sex to make me feel better about myself and it worked until I slept with Freddie. That's when it all changed for me, because I felt special when I was with him, even if he was thinking of Effy. I feel special when I'm with her.
She's just looking at me as I smile at her, fucking mysterious Effy. I have no idea what's going on in that head of hers but I really wish I did.
"Say something Katie, say you're going to go, leave me alone, save yourself."
But I don't want to, I really don't. She makes me feel, it's as simple as that, even the pain of Freddie's loss is numbed by being around her, because she understands, because she's my friend.
"Eff, I don't want to leave you alone, you're my friend."
Yeah, friend Katie, you tell her.
"I love you."
Fuck me where did that come from, I see the shock hit her face.
"As a friend Effy, don't panic. Emily's the muff-muncher not me. I love you as a friend."
"Wouldn't matter to me." She whispered almost too low to hear, but I caught it, just.
"What?"
"Fuck," she mumbles, "Nothing Katie, nothing. Just muttering."
'Really Effy Stonem? How fucking unconvincing'.
Part of me thinks I should leave this here, let us both sink back into our mutual misery and forget that this fucked up conversation ever happened. I have the feeling that we're both in far too deep here but I can't let this go. I need to know what she meant.
"No Effy, it wasn't just nothing. What the fuck did that mean?"
I say it a little bit harsher than I'd intended and I see her eyes moisten. I put my hand on hers and take a breath.
"Sorry Eff, I didn't mean it like that," fuck's sake I hate trying to apologise. "What did you mean? Please tell me."
She took a deep breath and looked at me, "I meant it wouldn't matter to me if you were gay Katie, you're a friend and it really doesn't matter to me. I've been trying to tell Naomi and Emily that for two years now. You are what you are."
I'm still not convinced, it doesn't fit.
"That's not it is it Effy?" she glared at me and went to speak, "Truth!" I interrupted.
She slumped back onto the bed, her mouth opening and closing as she fought to speak. I squeezed her hand by way of encouragement then without warning she's hugging me, tears flooding from her eyes. I hug her back wondering where this has come from.
"Katie I can't do this, not now. Please just go and leave me alone, don't make me fuck you up as well. I can't do this to you, everyone that touches my life gets fucked up, Mum and Dad, Tony, Freddie, Cook. Don't let me fuck you up anymore than I already have."
"Why Effy, why do you want me to leave you, why don't you want us to be friends, why do you think you'll fuck me up?" I'm actually fucking hurt, really hurt. She dragged herself back and looked me in the eyes, I'm not sure what I'm looking at but we're both crying I do know that. Tears are running down my face.
"Why can't we be together Eff, why force me away like this?"
In reply she kissed me, and not like a friend. Not like someone comforting another person helping them through a troubled time, not like a parent kissing a fevered brow but like a lover, her lips pressed to mine gently but passionately. I can't help myself but respond, my lips moving in time with hers, reacting to her every movement.
Suddenly at my touch she pulls back and looks at me, fear clouding her eyes.
"That's why Katie, now do you fucking understand? I fucking like you ok? I hate myself for it; hate what it means to Freddie's memory. Hate the fact that we've got so close, that I feel this comfortable with you. Fucking hate myself for feeling, you understand?"
"Oh."
OK as a response it's fucking lame, but I can't find anything else to say. She's looking at me in horror as if I'd just punched her. I'm trying to speak but I don't know what to say. I'm rescued by the phone ringing downstairs and with a sob she's gone and I'm left with my thoughts.
***
Naomi
So I am an object of lust, and it is making me happy.
Very fucking happy indeed thank you very much, well very happy when it comes to Emily. Not very happy that the pimply twat that I'm working with keeps looking at me as if it's my duty to fuck him. He acts like Cook, but without the panache or the charisma!
Gay, Bi or straight. In a relationship, complicated or single, I think I'd rather rip out my kidneys that allow myself to be touched by this wanker.
So yes, where Emily is concerned it is making me happy. I can't help thinking back to this afternoon as I put another box of washing power onto the already full shelf. Barely two sensible words out of the girl and she's jumped me. I'm not complaining being jumped by Ems isn't exactly a chore. Like I say, I'm an object of lust and I'm loving it all over again.
What's even better is that unlike any of the boys I've slept with she's happy to curl up and talk afterwards. She doesn't feel the need to leave or fall asleep. Well not immediately anyway...that girl really is an Olympic standard sleeper. Today we've had a long talk over her new job, our trip and where in the Far East we should visit. Last night it all seemed so fixed in her mind, but today she's allowed me some input and I love her for it. It's nice to be able to plan together and mean it, unlike the last time we scattered maps around the room and talked about Mexico.
I'm dragged back to the mundane reality of washing power by a seemingly casual brush across my arse by 'pimples'. No fucking way does he get away with that again. I snap out my arm and grab the offending hand, twisting it round and dragging him towards me his wrist pinned.
"Simon if you even think about touching me again one of three things is going to happen to you. " I announce, fixing him with my best death-stare.
"If you're lucky I'll just report you to Alastair for sexual harassment, if you're unlucky I'll snap those fingers right off your hand and feed them to you one by one, then I'll report you."
I twisted his wrist a little more. He winced in pain and gulped, withering under my glare. 'Ha! That's right little boy, messed with the wrong girl here.'
"and..." I continued, "If you're really unlucky I'll mention what you just did to my girlfriend who will, let me assure you, be very interested in your affection. She's very jealous though let me warn you and a vicious little red-head she is too. But don't worry; I'm sure they'll be able to stitch your balls back on...after you've shat them out that is."
I glared at his spotty face let go of him abruptly and then turned back to what I was doing, desperately trying to ignore him. I was interrupted from this by my supervisor who was staring at me.
"Look," I started defensively, "he deserved it, nasty little pervert. He's been trying to touch me up all day."
"Not what I'm here for Naomi, you have an urgent call from someone called Emily."
"Is she OK?" I can feel myself panicking; she would never ring the store unless there was something wrong.
"I have no idea, she wouldn't say. But she has said it was important and she couldn't get you on your mobile."
Of course she couldn't, it was in my locker and I wasn't due a break until the end of my shift.
"I suggest you take the call Naomi, you can take it in the office." He looked across at 'pimples'.
"Mr Harrop, I suggest that you finish stacking these shelves for Naomi whist she takes her urgent call. Oh, and when you're finished come and find me. I would like a word with you about appropriate behaviour in the workplace."
I walked away, worried but elated, 'take that pervert! I hope they sack you!'
***
Effy
I can't believe I've just done that, what the fuck am I thinking of?
I've just fucking kissed Katie Fitch, homophobic queen bitch of fucking Bristol. She fucking freaked at me when I accidentally put my hand across her in my sleep and I've just fucking kissed her.
I can't lose her, she's been a rock I could lean on over the last week why the fuck did I kiss her?
Why did she kiss me back?
What the fuck does "oh" mean and what kind of a fucked up mental case am I?
Thankful for the escape route I head downstairs and answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Effy it's Karen."
My heart drops as I hear her voice, it doesn't sound good.
"Karen…what…what is it?"
"I need to see you Effy, can you come round?"
"What is it Karen?"
"Not over the phone, come around and I'll tell you then. I'm going to ring Katie now."
"Katie's here Karen, we'll be round as soon as we can."
I run back upstairs and start dragging clothes out of my wardrobe. "Get dressed Katie," I shout impatiently.
"Effy I'm sorry."
"What?"
"About what happened, I'm sorry."
Shit, I'd literally forgotten about that, caught up in my worries about what Karen had to tell us.
"Later Katie, it was my fault. I shouldn't have done what I did. But if you need to yell at me do it later alright? Now get dressed, that was Karen. She's got something to tell us.
Fuck I hope it's good news. I doubt it is, but I can hope can't I?
Sometimes miracles do happen.
***
Emily
Well today has been a pretty good day. In fact if there's a scale of happiness for recent days this is right up there.
So here I am, lying on our bed, sprawled across the duvet as I allow myself to just relax, Nai's gone to work, Katie's not here and the house is just silent. For the first time in a long time I allow myself to enjoy the silence.
Silence is good, when you're on your own. This house has had too many bad silences recently, but this is most certainly a good one.
God this is nice, nothing to do, nothing to think about, nothing to worry about. Content and happy I allow myself to drift off to sleep.
***
BANG!
I'm woken by the front door slamming closed and the sound of crying from downstairs. Pulling on a t-shirt I race down the steps to find my sister curled up and crying in the hallway. Instinctively I drop down next to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. She twists and buries her head into my chest.
Whatever has happened it's not good; I've not seen her this upset since we found out about Freddie.
"Katie," I say as soothingly as I can, "What's wrong? What's happened?"
"They've found Freds Emsy, they've found him." She stammers out between sobs. My heart falls; I have to ask the obvious, stupid fucking question even though I already know the answer.
"Did they find him alive?"
She sobs again shaking her head and clutching me even tighter. I have no idea what to say to her, no idea at all. All I can do is hold her, stroke her hair and tell her I'm here, here for her. A sudden thought crosses my mind.
"Kay, where's Effy? Does she know, is she alright?"
"Don't know she ran off when we found out. Ran off and left me. I had no-where else to go."
"Fucks sake Katie you came to the right place, you came home, came back to me. 'Never ever thieve, love each other don't deceive' remember? I love you Katie and I'll always be here for you. Wherever I am you can call it home."
She just carries on crying her head shaking against me as she sobs. In the back of my mind I'm running it all through, shit I need to ring Naomi, or Panda or someone. We need to find Effy but I can't leave Katie.
What the fuck do I do now?
***
Effy
'Wish I knew where I was.'
'Wish I knew what I was doing.'
'Wish Freddie was here,'
'Wish anyone was here.'
'Wish I wasn't so fucking alone.'
.
.
.
A/N – Sorry it's a bit later than expected, really struggled with this one, guess I can't write multiple characters at the same time, that and work and getting hit with a virus, (computer one thankfully) all delayed me a little. Time to stop playing with writing styles and get on with it Es', more up this week work permitting.
Oh and according to the traffic figures there are more of you reading this rubbish that read Dragons. Seriously guys, go read that, it's in the completed section and it's far, far better than this drabble! IMHO anyway, [plug, plug (-:].
