Hi guys it's Pandora. Hikaru starts trying to sort things out in this chapter so snaps for Hikaru I guess?

(Also due to a recent review I feel I should remind you all that the characters in this story are in their twenties, as apparently the very clear context I've given isn't quite enough for some.)


When Haruhi wakes the next morning, it's to a pounding headache and a tall glass of water on the bedside table. She pushes herself up into a sitting position and picks up the glass, noting the basin by the bed. Fortunately it seems she hasn't needed it. She sips the water slowly, trying to ignore the room spinning around her.

She tries to piece together the previous night. She can't remember anything beyond opening the second bottle of wine and has no idea how she got to bed. She remembers Kaoru being around and drinking with him and crying a lot... but other than that, her mind is all but blank.

As she sits there silently, she hears footsteps and Hikaru comes into the room carrying a tray.

"Hey," he smiles. "Good morning." He puts the tray down to one side and perches on the edge of the bed. "Are you feeling okay? Kaoru said you'd drunk a lot so I thought the water might help, and I brought you breakfast."

"It's great," she says. "Thanks."

She's not sure how to talk to him. The sting from the missed dinner last night is still sitting, prickly, in the back of her mind, and there's a dark feeling enveloping it that she can't figure out past the thumping headache.

"Umm..." He's fiddling with the cuff of his sweater and looks like he's avoiding her gaze. "I'm really sorry I missed dinner last night."

"It's okay," she says automatically.

"No, it's not," says Hikaru. "I missed our first anniversary and that's not okay."

Haruhi bites her lip, not sure what else to say. Part of her wants to chew him out for not being there last night and make him feel as guilty as possible as punishment for making her feel so incredibly awful. But at the same time, a much larger part of her mind – a part that moves in slow, predictable motions – calls to her and beckons her towards forgiveness. She slowly shakes her head.

"It's not," she breathes, the words barely voiced beyond a murmur.

"I'm sorry," he repeats, scooting closer to her on the bed and taking her free hand. "I'm so sorry." He raises her hand to his lips and kisses her fingers. "I understand if you don't really want to see me at the moment – I don't even want to be me right now – but I promise if there is anything I can do to make it up to you I will do it."

A question buds and sits on the tip of Haruhi's tongue, longing to be both spoken and swallowed down. She looks from their clasped hands to Hikaru's face, and her conviction leaves her. His eyebrows are slanted downwards and there are heavy bags under his golden eyes – he looks exhausted.

"Have you slept?" she asks, almost without thinking.

Hikaru shakes his head. "Not really. I got back a little after two and I kind of just dozed on the sofa for like... ten minutes at a time. Couldn't stay asleep."

Haruhi shifts and pulls back the duvet cover. "Then sleep," she says.

Hikaru frowns. "Are you sure?"

She nods. "You need to sleep," she says. "You look terrible."

"Gee, thanks," he chuckles, but crawls next to her and slips under the covers. Haruhi lies down beside him, her headache subsiding a little as she lays her head down on the pillow and rolls onto her side to look at him. He turns his face to her and looks searchingly into her eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," she says. She can hear the uncertainty in her own voice. "My head feels weird when I sit up but this is definitely not an awful hangover."

"That's good," Hikaru says, a half-smile on his face that does not reach his eyes.

Silence crawls into the bed and lies between them, heavy and laughing. Haruhi lets out a slow breath and tries to gather her words, but Hikaru gets there first.

"I took the next few days off work," he says suddenly.

Haruhi blinks, her mind slow to pick up the words. "Huh?"

"I booked in some vacation time," he says. "I called Kaoru earlier this morning and asked him to cover for me until next week. I've... been working too much. It feels like I haven't seen you in so long and after last night I just... I need to stop for a while."

"Oh..." Any words Haruhi had for him disappear into a haze.

"I want to make it up to you," he adds in a rush. "We can spend the next few days celebrating our anniversary and catching up and... I don't know, just... being together...? Only if you want to, of course."

Haruhi gazes at him open-mouthed. Whatever she was expecting (and admittedly dreading), this is almost the opposite. Last night she was gearing for a fight – probably a big messy tearful fight, but still a fight. This morning, lying in bed and hearing his words, his promises... She blinks and her vision wobbles. I don't want to fight.

"Umm..." Hikaru seems to be faltering under her silent stare. "Please say something?"

Haruhi's lips tremble and tears finally spill from her eyes and down her cheeks. She bites her lip but then says, "I... I... Yes..."

"Yes?" Hikaru looks nervous.

She nods. "Yes. That sounds... it sounds good."

Hikaru's eyes tear up too and his face splits into a grin. "Really?"

"Yes," she whispers, a shaky smile on her face too even as she continues to cry. The next thing she knows, Hikaru's lips meet her own and his hands reach around her waist, pulling her to him under the covers. She kisses him back, hesitantly at first but then gaining confidence and holding his face in her hands, fingers resting behind his ears. They kiss desperately, their movements becoming more urgent as they rediscover one another. Haruhi puts her arms around Hikaru's neck and touches her tongue to his, welcoming his hands reaching to the hem of her nightshirt to pull it up and stroke her back.

Hikaru hums quietly in contentment as Haruhi starts to undo his shirt, her fingers deft despite her swimming head. Once they are all open, she pushes his shirt off his shoulders, and he helps pull it off his arms. With the shirt gone, Haruhi runs her hands down his chest, the gentle touch of her fingers making him shiver even in the warmth of their bed. Hikaru pulls away from the kiss, her lips chasing his, before he lowers his head back down and kisses along her jawline and to her neck. She sighs, fingernails digging into his sides a little as he sucks on the place where her neck and shoulder meet and his hands continue up her back, the nightshirt riding up to her shoulders. Eventually they part and Hikaru tosses the nightshirt away, and they catch one another's gaze with wide, tender eyes: gold and brown.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Haruhi leans up and kisses Hikaru again, groaning weakly into his mouth as his fingers caress her breasts. She shivers, his touch sending fire through her veins, and he gently pinches her nipples. She runs a hand through the hair on the back of Hikaru's head, lacing her fingers in the short strands and tugging a little. Hikaru moans, the sound rumbling through his chest and out of his lips into hers, urging her hands downward to his waistband. She works it open with trembling hands, her attention still on his fingers, and then pops open the button on his jeans. Before she can get to the fly, Hikaru pulls away from her lips and kisses down her chin and chest, eventually licking one nipple and making Haruhi bite her lip on a gasp.

Something nudges on the edge of her consciousness, but through the haze of Hikaru's body against hers and her slight grogginess she can't place it. She loses herself to the feeling of Hikaru's teeth gently grazing her skin and his hands, warm and inviting, wandering her tummy and hips. His lips wander too: over the slopes of her breasts and down her tummy, teeth nipping gently at the skin at her hipbones and then at the insides of her thighs. Haruhi lets out a shaky sigh as Hikaru licks at her clit, her heart purring under his ministrations. He continues licking her, leaving lingering kisses and soft sucks as well. Haruhi's hand comes down and tangles in his hair, holding him in place – as if she needs to. Hikaru lifts Haruhi's thighs and runs his hands up and down the backs of them, eventually hooking them around his shoulders and squeezing them, his nails leaving little parentheses in her flesh. She moans, the sound turning breathy in her mouth as he probes further with his tongue, dipping it inside her.

"Hikaru..." She murmurs, head falling back into the pillow and eyes fluttering closed. Hikaru leads her closer and closer, keeping up an insistent rhythm on her with his tongue, until eventually she lets out a higher moan and shudders. Hikaru helps her ride out her orgasm, letting her enjoy the high for as long as he can before coming back up to lie alongside her. Haruhi kisses him, hands going to his trousers again, and she pushes them down. He helps, wriggling out of them and his boxers. Haruhi brings her hands to his cock, making him groan into her mouth. She pulls the skin up and down, and he jumps a little. Her touch is the most tender he's felt in a long time, and he kisses her harder, wanting to tell her everything he's feeling without saying anything.

Soon, Haruhi breaks the kiss and sits up, climbing to sit on his thighs. He sits up too, back resting against the headboard, and cups her face in his hands.

"You are so beautiful," he says, gold eyes trained on her brown. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" she asks, looking vaguely concerned.

He shrugs. "Just you said you were feeling pretty bleh and we haven't really done this in a while."

Haruhi smiles. "I want to," she assures him. "I've missed you so much."

Hikaru feels tears threaten and squeezes her hands. "I love you."

"I love you too," she says, leaning forward to kiss him on the mouth. "Condom?"

"Sure..." He leans sideways awkwardly, opening and reaching into his top drawer to retrieve it as Haruhi's hands go back to gently stroking his erection. He hands the condom to her and she puts it on him before getting on her knees above him. She pauses for a moment, enjoying him sucking on one nipple again, before she slowly sits down, his cock sinking into her.

Face to face, their eyes meet, and Haruhi feels that same nudge, right on the periphery, that she felt before. She thinks for a second that it's something vaguely important, but then Hikaru's hips twitch and she bites her lip on a smile, beginning to slowly move her body. Their movements settle into a slow but needy rhythm, the air filled with their moans and sighs, until eventually, clinging to one another and covered in a light sheen of sweat, they both reach a shaking climax, each other's names breathed onto each other's lips. They stay together, Hikaru's arms around Haruhi's waist, for a little longer, hearts racing against one another, until eventually, Haruhi gets up. They clean up quickly with tissues, and settle back into bed together. Haruhi glances over at the tray from earlier.

"Breakfast is probably cold by now," she says.

Hikaru nods. "To be honest it was probably inedible anyway," he says. "I tried to make pancakes but I couldn't get the mix right and it went lumpy every time, and then I burned it so I gave up and made toast but I burned that too. I was hoping the thought was still nice."

Haruhi smiles. "It was, thank you."


Hikaru makes good on his promise of vacation time, and Haruhi takes a break from her work too. Over the next couple of weeks they spend almost every day together, enjoying each other's company again. Hikaru keeps in enough contact with Kaoru to not fall behind on work too badly, despite Kaoru's insistence that everything is fine without him and to please not worry. Any doubts Haruhi still had over Hikaru melt almost entirely away as they spend long mornings in bed and evenings out at dinner or sometimes going to other places – she takes him to the theatre and he takes her on a moonlight boat ride in the bay. Other evenings they simply stay home and watch films while snuggled on the sofa, or head to bed early, arms around each other. The grey weight that seemed to have settled in Haruhi's heart feels lifted, and the sparkle seems to have returned to Hikaru's golden eyes. Eventually, they both return to their jobs from the break, but short, affectionate messages pass between them while they're apart.

Haruhi's at work the first time she vomits. It sneaks up on her after a long meeting during which she had been tugging at the collar of her shirt in an effort to cool down. She stands in the toilet cubicle, wiping bile from the corners of her lips with a square of toilet paper, and cursing her decision to get fish for lunch earlier. She flushes the toilet and leaves, washing her hands and trying not to think anything more of it. When she mentions it casually to Hikaru over dinner, he frowns.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah," she says. "I think maybe I just ate something funny."

"Are you sure?" he asks. "If you want I can cancel my trip."

She shakes her head. "No, it's fine – please, I don't want you to miss out on it on my account when you've been doing so much prep for it. It's only two weeks."

He nods. "Okay, if you're certain, but I can come home if you need me."

In the morning she sees him off, feeling fine, and heads to the office to work on case studies for the new interns. When she throws up several more times during the next couple of days however, she starts to worry. She really doesn't want to get sick, not after having just had two weeks off with little notice, and she feels mostly okay other than a slightly heightened body temperature and the persistent nausea. When Hikaru and Kaoru Skype her from China, telling her about what they've been up to and asking about how she's been doing, she doesn't mention the vomiting to them. There's no use worrying Hikaru, not while he's abroad and he and Kaoru have so much to be thinking about already. Hikaru doesn't ask, and she assumes he's forgotten with everything the twins are up to.

With no one to tell her otherwise or force her to seek medical attention, she does her best to focus on her work: preparing documents for cases, meeting clients, attending meetings. Eventually, on the Friday, she concedes to work from home so she can have the luxury of being sick in her own toilet instead of ducking out of her office periodically. She spends half the day sitting beside the toilet and the other half trying to do as much work as she can before she needs to go throw up again. Out of frustration, she googles her symptoms and her eyebrows rise.

It can't be, surely...?

She checks her diary and finds she's eight days late.


The pair of little blue lines stay in the back of Haruhi's mind for the next few days, burned into her brain. After the first two tests are positive she goes back out and gets two more boxes. With six different tests arrayed around her on the bathroom floor, all positive, the truth starts to sink in.

She runs a slow hand over her tummy, feeling the warmth of her palm through her jumper. Her heart flutters uncertainly and she bites her lip. The future spirals away from her in a surreal blur, tying her stomach in knots. She sighs, her breath shaky, feeling so full of everything that she's not sure if she's going to laugh or cry. The knowledge that she needs to tell Hikaru sits heavy on her shoulders: not unpleasant, but she's never felt so anxious about needing to tell someone something before – not even when she told her father about Hikaru. The knotted feeling inside her tingles with anticipation and she stares down at the tests on the floor.


The two weeks in China pass by about as normally as business trips ever do. Meetings, conferences and briefings all go smoothly and Hikaru feels pretty positive by the end of the trip. He gets a single message from Kyouya while he's away, which he does his best to ignore, and he does what he can to mask his surprise when Kaoru doesn't mention Kyouya in the entire time they're away. Not that he's complaining, but Kaoru's never gone so long without talking about his boyfriend before. Unwilling to broach the subject, Hikaru says nothing. He's not even sure what he wants any more.

When they get back from China and Hikaru finds Haruhi working from home, he doesn't think too much of it. She works from home relatively frequently, and he's happy to have her around when he's there too. The two of them spend a little more time together, but Hikaru ends up getting dragged back to the office and Haruhi seems to accept this fairly readily, despite the late evenings Hikaru has to pull.

One afternoon, Hikaru manages to get away early, having got his meetings out of the way in the morning and not needing to stick around for any particular reason.

"I'm home," he calls as he pushes open the front door. He hears Haruhi vaguely respond from the bathroom, her voice bouncing off the tiled walls and through the door, and wanders into the dining room. Haruhi's laptop and her case files are scattered on the table, the chair still pushed away from it. He tucks it back under the table and catches sight of a familiar name on Haruhi's screen: an email from Tamaki.

He skims the contents almost before he realises what he's doing, but when he sees his own name he frowns and reads more intently, a little line of consternation appearing between his eyebrows. His fist clenches as he hears Haruhi flush the toilet and the bathroom door open. Her footsteps stop in the doorway and he turns to face her.

"What's this?" he asks, his voice a tight line.

Haruhi frowns at him, hurt in her eyes. "Did you read my emails?"

Hikaru feels only a brief sense of shame, more at being found out than what he did because goodness knows he's done worse by now. "Why does Tamaki seem to know so much about you and me?"

Haruhi fixes him with a glare. "Because I told him."

"Why?! Why would you do that?"

"Because."

"What?"

"Because!" she yells, her voice raising up to the ceiling. "Because I didn't have anyone else to talk to! Because he seemed to actually care about me when you weren't even here! Because I thought my own husband didn't love me!"

"That's not true!" says Hikaru through gritted teeth. "I do love you! I've loved you since high school!"

"Then where were you?" she asks. "Because I sure as hell didn't go anywhere! I was here! I was alone!"

Hikaru feels a stab of guilt in his stomach. "I... I'm sorry."

"Yeah you should be!" she says, apparently unable to put the brakes on herself. "I felt like shit! For months! I spent our anniversary with Kaoru, drinking!" Something in her expression rolls into uncertainty and back again as she looks up at him.

"I already apologised for that," he says.

"Doesn't stop it hurting." She looks like she might be about to say more, but then she retches, one hand coming to cover her mouth.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she practically growls, hand coming down.

Hikaru eyes her. "Have you been throwing up?"

She hesitates before nodding.

"The whole time I was gone?"

She nods again.

"You need to go to the doctor," he says, any anger in his face leaving to be replaced with concern. "Throwing up for two weeks isn't normal."

"I don't need to go," says Haruhi.

"You do."

"No, I don't." She sighs. "I already know what's wrong..."

When she doesn't immediately elaborate, Hikaru steps closer and grabs her by the shoulders. "Haruhi?"

Haruhi's gaze finally meets his. "I'm pregnant."

Hikaru's eyes go wide. "Really?"

She nods. "I made an appointment to go to the doctor in a few days. I wanted to tell you in a better way."

"But..." Hikaru can feel the stunned look in his slack jaw and raised eyebrows. "We always use a condom..."

Haruhi shrugs. "I guess one of them must have broken."

Hikaru nods silently, staring at Haruhi.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"Y-yeah," Hikaru says, grinning. "I... This... I..." Unable to get his words straight, he pulls her into a hug, suddenly feeling surprised giggles bubbling up inside him. "We're going to have a baby!"

Haruhi laughs breathlessly as he kisses her. "I know it's not what we planned and we were going to leave it a few more years but I think maybe this was just meant to happen."

Hikaru nods, happy tears prickling his eyes. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

As he kisses Haruhi and feels her arms tight around his neck, Hikaru makes a mental note to end things with Kyouya once and for all.