.
.
It was hard to break apart and stay away from each other after that breathtaking and eye opening kiss and so they exchanged little kisses and chuckled and grinned and searched for the other's lips again for a while. But eventually they managed to keep a decent distance. Constantly shooting contented smiles towards each other they stood at the railing for a while watching the marshland. His hand covered hers on the wood. Neither of them really knew how to go on from that point. Something was different now. Not bad at all but very different. And so very wonderful it caused a thrilling elation for both.
"Fancy a drink?" Tommy eventually asked with a lopsided grin. He just had to say something to break the silence. He did not want to have a drink right now. The only thought he had was that he wanted to carry her inside and make love with her.
"A drink?" Barbara snorted laughing. It was not at all what she fancied right now. She only could think about kissing him again and maybe move to his bedroom eventually. A thrilling idea that made her positively nervous. "Isn't that a tad too early?"
"Well... It's past eleven, isn't it? Pubs are open already." His eyes were twinkling mischievously when she chuckled. "Plus we're on holidays. Sort of. And it's your birthday. I know there must be a bottle of champagne in the fridge."
"You're right, but actually... Let's keep it for later." He shot a hungry glance at her and she knew what he had in mind. It was alluring but suddenly it also frightened her. "I'm rather hungry. We should eat something."
As if on cue her stomach rumbled. Tommy laughed out loud. "I see. What do you have in mind?"
You'd never believe! she thought and harrumphed. "There's one thing I know how to make it. Because it's quite simple."
"Burnt toast with butter?"
"You're mean!" Playfully Barbara slapped his upper arm. Tommy only grinned. "Well, yes. That and sandwiches."
"Good idea." Tommy gave her a small tickling kiss onto her neck before they went inside together.
He had placed his hand on the small of her back rather often lately. This time it was different. This time it was lower and with distinctively more tenderness.
It was hard to keep their lips and hands away from each other while they prepared the sandwiches in the kitchen. On every occasion they shared a smile, every now and then they stole small kisses and gave each other gentle caresses whenever it was possible. They did not even stop touching and at least they played footsie while they ate on the balcony above the conservatory and if the sun suddenly would have disappeared there still would have been a bright glow of happiness around them.
They did not say much. In silent agreement they both tried to not break the spell. And Barbara did not know what she should say anyway. She still could not believe that Tommy Lynley had kissed her and that he even had declared his love for her. It surely was the spur of the moment and the mood of her birthday. She enjoyed it nonetheless.
For dessert they had a yoghurt with exotic fruits she never had heard of except for the day they had bought them at the superstore. Barbara had moved to the deck chair to eat it and when Tommy had finished his he watched her still revelling in the wonderful taste she had not known before. He sat down on the edge of her chair when she had eaten the last bit. Carefully he took the bowl from her hands without a word, placed it on the table and, still watched by her curious eyes, finally bent down to her to give her another sweet dessert. Their kiss began slow but soon her arms were looped around his neck and their mouth's encounter had deepened and it was becoming more desireful.
It turned hot and hotter with their tongues twisting and fighting, with hot breaths mingled and with lips nibbling. Tommy supported himself with one arm on the wood next to her. His other arm led his gently caressing hand to her neck, into her nape, to her upper arm and to her throat from where he let it slide down to her cleavage. Barbara found herself being pushed down on the deck chair. She had no objections. She felt Tommy climbing half on top of her and pressing her deeper into the cushion. It was wonderful to feel him above her. Their lips never really parted.
"You taste so good!" Tommy moaned into her open mouth and pressed himself against her body.
But then something suddenly pulled her out of the gorgeous oblivion she had been in. Something distinctively aroused was pressed against her thigh. Fears surfaced, objections popped up in her thoughts, anxiety suddenly filled her mind and so she ended the kiss by turning her head away from his. Gently but decidedly Barbara pushed Tommy away from her. She jumped off the chair muttering "I'm sorry."
Tommy did not know what was wrong. He sighed and watched her standing near the doors. She looked nervous. She certainly was anxious. He must have looked confused because she began to explain with a shaky voice.
"I'm sorry, Tommy, but..." Looking to the ground Barbara bit her lower lip. "I dont think... I'm afraid I'm not able to... fulfil your wishes and needs and... expectations. I..."
"I have no expectations, Barbara." he tried to reassure her that everything was fine. He sat up. "Being in love with you and being able to show it, to display my love, and, yes, act on it... With you all is new for me too. And... it's wonderful."
He had added the last word quietly and full of tenderness. For a while they looked at each other. Barbara still was wide eyed and Tommy tried to look as convincing as possible.
"Mh." she said. He knew she was all but convinced. But he could wait. This new step of his relationship with Barbara was fragile but so great it would be worth waiting until she had adjusted her mind to the idea of loving him.
"We have all the time we want." Tommy said. "I'm not forcing- ...I'm not going to rush anything, Barbara. You have all the time you need." He saw her eyes shooting an uncertain glance at the visible bulge in his pants. "Yes, I long for you. Physically. I can't deny it. Nor hide it. And I actually don't want to. I've hidden my love for too long, but-"
He stopped. Barbara had abruptly turned and was going inside. She could not bear to see him being so wonderfully patient any longer. She could not bear to listen to his compassionate words any longer. Nobody ever spoke to her like that but she just was frightened. "I'm..." she murmured. "I need a break. Please excuse me."
A few steps inside she stopped and turned towards Tommy again. With a deep breath she gathered all the courage she could muster. "I love you Tommy, but..."
Her voice trailed off. It had not been her intention to declare her love for him although it was the truth. Again she only looked to the ground.
"I understand." Softly smiling Tommy nodded. His heart had made a joyful jump when he had heard her saying she loved him and he wanted nothing more than to run to her, swoop her into his arms and kiss her again. Instead he stayed where he was. Barbara needed time and he would be patient. "I'll be waiting."
His eyes followed her when she walked further inside. Barbara felt them burning in her back. Her emotions were in a chaotic turmoil. On one hand she wanted Tommy more than anything else, mentally and physically. On the other hand she feared she would disappoint him. Or end up afterwards being disappointed and destroyed. She was risking so much - her job, her usual life, her reputation, her sanity. Then again she was trying to convince herself that love makes everything possible and she was at least not completely inexperienced. And she loved him. She loved the man Tommy Lynley. His title did not mean anything to her. His rank was not important. And to be honest, after the wonderful days in this village, after this wonderfully sizzling day here in the cottage and the most wonderful kiss on the deck chair she craved for him with every fibre of her body. Reaching the end of the stairs up to her attic realm Barbara stopped. With one hand already on the hand rail she pensively stared at the wood and finally made a decision.
"To hell with these stupid fears!" she whispered. Then she raised her voice without turning. "Tommy?"
"Hmm?"
"Come with me?"
.
...
