another ending (march)
—
"We are all gathered here today for this special event…"
Shikamaru yawns loudly, tilting his head to the side to keep his tassel out of his face. He can see his mother shooting him a glare from the audience for doing something so unseemly in front of a crowd.
To him, graduating high school isn't special at all. Anyone who remotely matters does it—on the other hand though, graduating university might be different. Although he can't imagine it being any less boring than what's happening right now.
Today's weather is warm, but they're cooped up in the school's gymnasium, holding their convocation. Shikamaru is wearing an uncomfortable suit under his gown, and his hair really does not agree with the graduation cap, because wearing it requires him to untie his ponytail. Naruto did not hold back his laughter when he saw Shikamaru, and even Sasuke and Neji were awful enough to snort and chuckle in his general direction.
This is it, huh? High school is over. Three years of their lives that they'll never get back.
There needs to be more than this.
After the long and boring speeches, and every single student walks across the stage to receive their diplomas from their principal, Sarutobi-sensei, everyone files outside to find their friends and families to take pictures. Shikamaru yawns again, and wonders if he could get away with sleeping in a classroom somewhere.
But of course, that doesn't happen. The moment he tries to weave himself through the crowd, a hand grabs his wrist, tugging and pulling.
"We need to get a good spot before all of them are taken!" Ino's blonde hair is a startling clash to the black of their gowns and caps. "We're graduating, Shikamaru, look a little more excited!"
"I'm not excited," he replies dully, but allows himself to be guided outside, temporarily blinded by the sun.
"Well," Ino scolds without real malice, "you should be."
Once Shikamaru has full vision again of his surroundings, they are across the soccer field where the trees are planted. Typical of Ino; she probably scouted out good photographing locations a week ago to ensure top quality pictures. He can already see their parents coming over, with Ino's camera slung around her father's neck.
"You were in front of hundreds of parents and families!" his mother fusses once they reach them. "And of course, you had to yawn. Your mouth was like a gaping black hole."
"No one got sucked in, did they?" he asks dryly, and his father laughs, proudly patting him on the shoulder. (Shikamaru doesn't have the gall to think it's for his smart remark instead of having just graduated.)
They take pictures, and whenever Ino isn't in the picture, she's the one behind the camera. Shikamaru has always wondered how she found so much joy with photography, but then again, he doesn't find much joy with anything. It's good that there are things that make her smile—Ino is the most beautiful when she's happy.
(She's never going to know, is she?)
"Sakura! Over here!" Ino jumps and waves to catch her friend's attention. Sakura's with Hinata and Neji, and the three of them come over. The parents step back so the graduates can take some pictures, appropriate ones and goofy ones, and okay, maybe this isn't so bad, because Ino is forcibly pulling at his cheeks to make him smile, and Sakura is tugging at the ends of his hair, saying that if he tries, it might be longer than Neji's hair one day.
Sasuke and Naruto join them not long after, and of course, chaos ensues. But maybe that's what this is about. Maybe high school was supposed to be full of stupidity and bad mistakes and fake boyfriends, and people almost dying and lazy get-togethers and sleepovers at small and cramped apartments.
Maybe that was the point of it, and Shikamaru spent too much time trying to find something other than that, and missed it all.
"Sakura, take a few pictures of me and Shikamaru!"
"Aw, wish you could date him again?"
"Don't be silly. Childhood friends, best friends, whatever you want to call it. I want to remember that Shikamaru was here too." Ino links arms with him and smiles brightly, and he can't help but think that even if he did miss it all, that's okay, because she didn't and even if it's not perfect, she will always be here to pull him back and put things into a little perspective.
Today, they've graduated. Today, they are no longer children anymore.
Shikamaru doesn't know how to feel about that.
—
The next day is the actual graduation banquet. The sky is cloudy, which is typical of spring weather. The air is warm but damp when Shikamaru opens the window of his room; it's going to rain later.
It's a little after noon when Naruto calls him, yelling loudly into the phone for him to come to Sasuke's house, pronto. With a flat voice, Shikamaru asks why.
"Neji said the girls started getting ready hours ago! Dude, if we don't step up our game, we're going to look like greasy, washed-out losers compared to them."
"They're girls, Naruto," Shikamaru reminds him. "They need to get their hair and makeup and nails done. We literally only need to throw on our clothes and go."
"…Yeah, well, we're having a gaming party over here, so you really don't want to miss out."
He sighs. Of course.
So with his things in tow and his suit slung over his shoulder, he pops his head into the living room where his parents are. "I'm going to Sasuke's place. See you guys later tonight?"
"I trust you won't somehow make yourself look like a fool?" his mother tuts, but affectionately and with a slight smile to her lips. It's a little scary.
"Relax, Mom, I couldn't bother to even if I tried."
Shikaku holds a hand up in a wave. "See you later."
He's halfway to Sasuke's house when he stops in his tracks. Shoot. He should've brought an umbrella.
Then he mentally shrugs, and continues on his way.
Funnily enough, it is not Sasuke who answers the door, but Neji. "He's having an intense battle with Naruto right now," is the explanation as he lets Shikamaru in. Shikamaru meanders through Sasuke's house and into the living room, knowing it as well as he knows his own home, and treating it as such when he tosses his suit over the back of the couch and picks up a unopened can of soda off the coffee table.
"Yo, Shikamaru," is Naruto's greeting. He's sitting cross-legged on the floor with a game controller in his hands, his eyes never once leaving the television. Sasuke doesn't even bother to greet him, treating his match with Naruto just as seriously as a life-or-death battle.
"Why did you invite me over if you're not even going to look at me?" he mutters, flopping onto the couch. Neji sits down beside him in a much more dignified manner.
"Traditional pre-grad party," Neji answers for Naruto, making quotation marks with his hands and rolling his eyes. "But then again, I assume that this is much more entertaining than what the girls are doing right now."
"Even Hinata went too?" Shikamaru asks. "Weird, I thought she'd be less maintenance."
"You think I know anything about girls, Shikamaru?"
"You're the only one out of us who's actually living with one," Sasuke says. That bastard, he'd been listening the entire time and he didn't even bother to greet Shikamaru. Who's the dick now?
"Just because I live with a girl doesn't mean I do girl things with her," Neji snaps, although Shikamaru doesn't know why he bothers, because he's given crap for living with Hinata all the time. Shikamaru drinks his soda and watches Sasuke and Naruto's game on the television, cracking a yawn.
In the distance, thunder rumbles, low and deep. If anything, those "high maintenance" girls are going to be very upset if it rains all over them later tonight.
"Speaking of girls," Naruto says, sounding distracted because his attention is more on the game. "Sasuke, what are you going to do?"
"About what?" Sasuke asks, just as distracted.
Shikamaru takes another drink of his soda.
"Sakura. You never did tell us what you decided on. Are you following her to America?"
Sasuke snorts. "Are you kidding me? My parents shot it down the moment I mentioned it. No way I'm going to America if I don't even have a solid plan for my future yet. It's a waste of time and money."
The beeping and explosions from the television. And then Naruto: "I'm sorry, man. Really."
"Yeah, whatever."
If having your girlfriend study abroad on the other side of the world is anything like having unrequited feelings for your childhood friend for three years, then Shikamaru can kind of understand what Sasuke's going through.
"Are you guys going to try for a long distance relationship?" Neji asks.
The game finally ends, and Sasuke tosses his controller onto the floor. With slow and sluggish movements, he turns so he's facing Neji and Shikamaru. "Is there any other choice?" he asks dully.
"Well," Shikamaru says, "you guys can always just break it off right now. Who can even guarantee that you guys will last—"
"We're not breaking up," Sasuke says roughly. "She's already doing this to me—I'm not letting her cut all ties too."
Shikamaru tilts his head in question. "Is that your decision, or hers?"
Sasuke's lips are pressed into a thin line. "Ours. We talked about it already."
A silence lingers in the room as the four of them sit together, Neji and Shikamaru on the couch, Sasuke and Naruto on the floor. Despite the fact that tonight is a celebratory event, it doesn't feel like one—not when there are so many endings, when there are so many goodbyes that Shikamaru didn't anticipate himself resenting.
"When is she leaving?" Naruto hazards, his regular exuberance muted.
Sasuke sniffs indignantly. "Next month. But she said she'll be back during holidays, so I'll see her during Christmas and her summer break."
"But isn't her mom in America?" Neji tucks his hair behind his ear—an action that often has Shikamaru snorting, because it's so effeminate. "Why wouldn't she want to spend Christmas over there with her?"
"Her mom's over there?" Naruto asks in surprise. "Why?"
Sasuke shrugs. "Hell if I know. Who cares, anyway? She's going to be gone in a month and at that point, it wouldn't matter if her mom were in Antarctica. Sakura still wouldn't stay."
Shikamaru continues to drink his soda, wordless.
"I'm going to stay here," Naruto says. He's the only one who's completely unafraid of Sasuke when he's in a bad mood. "Found a job already."
"I'm going to Tokyo," Neji joins in.
"Oh? Cool, me too." Shikamaru smiles wryly at him. "Looks like we'll be stuck together for a little while longer. Sasuke? What about you?"
Sasuke has already turned to face the television again, switching the game settings for one player only. "I'm staying here too," he says. "Until I finally figure out what I want to do with my life. Then I'll transfer, if I need to."
Not everything is bleak, Shikamaru thinks. Not everything is hopeless. This is all just a part of growing up—some people move faster than others, some take different paths. Some people experience more pitfalls, and some have the fortune to find a happier road to walk along. In the end, even if they're all alone, they're never completely alone. Not really, anyway.
Shikamaru glances out the window. "Maybe we should get ready now," he suggests. "And get there early, to avoid the rain."
"Forget the rain," Neji says. "It's going to storm."
—
The venue is decorated with white, silver, and lavender in all forms—balloons, streamers, table settings, centerpieces. Along the front is where the stage is, with a podium and sound system. The rest of the area is full of tables, ready to seat hundreds of students and families.
Shikamaru has his hands shoved into his pockets, standing with Neji off to the side while Sasuke and Naruto are checking out the rest of the venue. In the end, even though those two argue all the time, they're still best friends. Their friendship with each other has always been a little stronger than their friendships with anyone else. Shikamaru wonders what it's like, to have a friend you can count on no matter what, and to also not be in love with her.
"Any idea when the girls will get here?" Shikamaru drawls to Neji. "I'm getting bored."
"They are not your playthings," Neji shoots back, but pulls his phone out of his pocket to send Hinata a text. His hair is done like it usually is, tied at the ends in a loose ponytail—except today, it's kept together with a pink ribbon. Shikamaru is the one who tied it there himself, the ribbon supplied kindly by Naruto. Neji still doesn't know it's there.
All the way on the opposite side of the venue, Shikamaru spots Naruto and Sasuke, bickering—or are they arguing? Sasuke looks a little too genuinely angry for it to be a meaningless quarrel, if the way he turns away from Naruto with a scowl is any indication.
"What are you thinking about?" Neji prompts when Shikamaru continues to watch their two friends, quiet.
"That it's been years and Sasuke is still too uptight," he mutters, finally tearing his eyes away. "It physically hurts to watch them sometimes."
Neji shrugs, casual in a way that has Shikamaru wondering if he's got a few loose screws in his head too. "It does, but Naruto gets through to Sasuke in a way that we can't. Isn't that enough?"
He glances at Neji. "That's enough for you?"
"It's not enough for you?"
Shikamaru falls silent, and focuses his attention on Sasuke and Naruto again. "Guess I'm just jealous," he mutters. Regardless of whether Neji hears him or not, he doesn't respond.
Shikamaru pushes himself off the wall, and without a word, strolls away and out the door. This thing hasn't even started yet, and he already can't breathe.
—
Ino is stunning tonight.
Which really is no surprise, because she never looks anything less on a regular basis, but this needs to be said. She is absolutely stunning.
"I can't believe you're going to Tokyo and you didn't even tell me," she snaps at him. "I had to find out through Sasuke. Sasuke, of all people! Why don't you tell me anything?"
Shikamaru shrugs, feigning the nonchalance that he has long since mastered. "Does it matter?"
"Of course it does! Since I'm staying here—"
"I know, you've only told me that a hundred times—"
"You would think to have some decency to tell me your decision once you've made it." She frowns, in a way that has Shikamaru's heart twisting uncomfortably. "I'll miss seeing you around."
"It's not like we'll never see each other again. I do live here, you know; I'll be back between semesters."
"Yeah, but—" Ino falls silent for a moment, and then speaks again, much softer, "First it's Sakura leaving, and then you. It'll be—I don't know, lonely. You two are my closest friends."
Shikamaru can't tell her that half of the reason why he's going to Tokyo is to put some space between them. He figures that if seeing her almost daily for three years straight hasn't done anything good for his feelings, maybe he should take this opportunity to get away, clear his head. He needs to do more than this—he needs to be more than this. He needs to be more than the boy next door who can't be bothered enough to change his own world.
If there's any time to grow up, after all, it's now.
A loud clap of thunder saves him the hassle of giving her a meaningful response that she'll be satisfied with. (Like an "I'll miss you too"—that's something he can never, ever say.) "Good thing you guys made it here before it started to rain," he says.
"Yeah, Hinata was pretty worried about that," Ino replies, easily going along with the subject change, since that's what he's been doing all their lives. "She was pretty determined to look good for Naruto tonight, even though she didn't say it out loud."
Shikamaru raises an eyebrow. "So? Are you ready to take Sasuke's breath away?"
A heartbeat, and Ino shakes her head. "Nope. Not impressing anyone tonight. No one's breath to take away."
You take mine away, Shikamaru wants to say. "Glad we're on the same wavelength," he says instead. Ino laughs, and punches his arm affectionately.
"Save me a dance later?" she requests, and he doesn't have the heart to say no.
—
"They're talking about us," Sasuke mutters when he glances at the next table over. "They're talking about us and probably sharing embarrassing childhood stories."
"Guess it's a good thing my parents aren't around anymore," Naruto says cheerily. "I would've had a ton of those." Everyone glances at him as he continues to eat his food without a second thought, mentioning his dead parents like it's normal. Shikamaru supposes it is, for him.
"My dad looks so uncomfortable," Sakura says. "It looks like he wants to die."
While they're all sitting together at one table, their parents are split into two other tables, exchanging small talk about their children as is expected of parents to do at such events.
"I think it's nice," Hinata says with a smile. "We hang out all the time, so maybe our parents should too, once in a while."
"It's creepy," Shikamaru and Ino retaliates in sync, which leaves everyone else laughing.
"Hey, Sakura." Naruto redirects the conversation in Sakura's direction, and Shikamaru returns to his dessert, pushing the slice of cake around on the plate. "Why is your mom all the way in America?"
Sasuke shoots a glare at him and Sakura says something nonchalant about her mother's job, but Shikamaru isn't particularly paying attention anymore. He lost interest in tonight long before tonight even started, and he just wants to find a corner to sleep in until the entire thing is over.
But of course, that isn't what happens. He finds himself dancing with Hinata first, and then Ino—which has Sasuke shooting glances at him, perhaps in question or slight worry, but Shikamaru can never tell because Sasuke doesn't know that his face is used to express his emotions. Ino is warm against him and he's taken back to those two weeks they dated, the frayed and faded memory of her lips on his in their only kiss, and just the honest desire for her to find her own happiness. He's the only one who can tell that she's a little sad tonight, so because of that, he pulls her a tiny bit closer, makes sure to let her know that although he might not be Sasuke, he will still be forever and always.
Naruto shows them pictures of the day before and they all laugh at Shikamaru's untied hair, and reminisce the good times. Staying after school to do projects. Clean-up duty. Field trips. Lunch in the bleachers. They're never going to eat there ever again.
"Congratulations on graduating," Ino says, looking up at him with a smile. The faint grey of her eyeshadow is sparkling in the dim evening night. "We were so excited to grow up when we were kids, remember?"
"That was you," Shikamaru says. "Not me."
She laughs, and pushes his arm affectionately. "I think you wanted to too, even if it was just a little. You were always too bored with what you had. So? Is growing up everything you ever imagined it to be?"
He looks at her with her grey eyeshadow and red lips and curled hair. He looks at Naruto and Sasuke and Neji—Sasuke dancing with Sakura, Naruto and Neji arguing about something that is probably as inconsequential as jam on toast versus butter and jam on toast. Hinata is desperately watching the both of them, trying to find a way to dissipate the fight.
"Yeah," he says, his gaze returning to Ino, who is watching him with expectant eyes. "I think it is."
She smiles and links her arm through his, gently tugging until they reach their group of friends. Shikamaru walks with her, his feet feeling surprisingly light despite all the weight they have to carry. "Me too."
—
The sky is still gloomy when Shikamaru steps outside.
The loud music inside can be heard even beyond the doors. The venue has become suffocating, so he took a step out for a moment. He's never liked big events like these, and he wouldn't have come at all if it weren't for everyone forcing him to do so. His mouth cracks open in a monstrous yawn, the tears prickling at his eyes.
Shikamaru walks across the wet pavement of the parking lot to the field beyond. There are a few others with the same idea as him, in small groups as they stroll along the grass. Shikamaru is the only one who's alone.
In a few weeks, he and Neji will be leaving for Tokyo, leaving the others behind. Sakura will be flying off to America. This whirs around his head a million times and no matter how many times he mulls over it and everything that could happen, his heart just can't keep up with his mind.
He feels a tap on his shoulder, and stops in his tracks. When Shikamaru turns around, there stands Sakura, her hands clasped behind her back and a small smile at her lips.
"You danced with Ino and Hinata, but not me," she accuses, but with no real malice.
Tonight, Sakura is wearing a short white dress, looking fancier than Shikamaru ever imagined her to look. A thin silver necklace hangs around her neck, the small heart pendant resting between her collarbones.
"You have Sasuke," he drawls lazily. "You don't need me."
"Don't be stupid." Sakura's hands rest on his shoulders, keeping an innocent distance between their bodies as she prompts him into a sway, following the beat of the slow song thrumming from inside the venue. "I dance with everyone."
"Sasuke will be jealous."
"He was already jealous when I danced with Naruto. It really doesn't matter."
Shikamaru raises an eyebrow, and gives in, letting his hands touch her waist. "You don't care about how Sasuke feels?"
Sakura shakes her head. "I care about how Sasuke feels, but I will not sacrifice my friends or the way I live my life because of it. And he shouldn't either."
Americans. "Ah."
"What? You don't agree?"
"It's just an interesting way of looking at things." The grass crumbles softly underneath their feet.
Sakura's head tilts downwards in a quiet laugh. "You Japanese people. Sheep, all of you." There's an intonation to her voice that tells Shikamaru that he isn't supposed to know exactly what she's talking about.
"You're Japanese too," he points out.
"Not really." When she looks up at him, there's a gleam in her eyes—the gleam of a foreigner, an outsider, of someone who doesn't always understand. "Not completely."
"Are you excited?" he asks instead. "To go home." Home meaning America—because Shikamaru gets the feeling that Sakura has never seen this place as more than something temporary.
She chooses her words carefully. "A little bit. There aren't many of them around here, but back where I live, there are large parks with public barbecues and ponds with ducks that you can feed bread to—camping sites, and I used to go there a lot with my parents as a child. And when you go shopping, the salespeople don't jump on you the moment lay your eyes on something. And—" She freezes then, as though choking on her on words that just suddenly began tumbling from her mouth. "And the houses there are bigger than the ones you can find here for the same price. Big enough to fit a family, with a living room and kitchen and a patio in the backyard…" The song in the background has ended and is replaced by a catchy and upbeat tune, but they continue to sway, stepping slowly to the rhythmic beating of their hearts instead.
"You miss it," Shikamaru says, a simple response to her long speech.
"I'll miss here too," Sakura admits. "I mean, the air is so polluted that you only see blue sky once a month, and the people move so fast that it's a wonder they notice anything that happens around them at all, but…there's banana milk here. And my dad. And Sasuke. And all of you. I'll miss you guys the most."
"Hey," he says with a faint smirk, "it's your fault for getting attached in the first place."
"Your fault for being likable," she teases back with a small smile herself.
"Me, likable? Hardly."
"You're more likable than you think, you know. I'm quite fond of you."
Shikamaru raises an eyebrow at her, and she just shrugs. "I think you're interesting. Lots of things going around in your head that you never talk about. It's fun trying to analyze you."
He doesn't bother to tell her that she would be sorely disappointed if she knew what he thought about all day. Somewhere inside of him, he feels a tiny flame of regret for not getting to know Sakura more.
She takes in a deep breath, slow and long, and exhales at the same pace. "You know the smell right after it rains? It's my favorite scent; we have a word for that in English." She spells it out, the English letters sounding much more fluid on her tongue than her sometimes choppy Japanese. "Petrichor. The smell of rain on dry earth. The smell of the sky crying. The smell of something reborn, and something new."
Petrichor. Shikamaru smiles a little at that, and Sakura smiles too.
—
Later that night—much later that night—when the party has finally dwindled down and people are gathering their belongings, he stands with Sasuke.
"There should be a guidebook for women," Shikamaru says, watching his mother fuss over something that he can't fathom.
Sasuke snorts. "There should be a guidebook for American women."
"I think you're doing just fine with Sakura." Shikamaru shrugs. "You guys will be okay."
"You don't know that."
"Dude, I have the IQ of Einstein. Yeah, I know."
Sasuke doesn't dignify him with a response, and they stand quietly for the next few minutes as they watch their families do last minute things. Shikamaru can see Sasuke's brother taking a picture of everyone's parents together in a group picture.
"You're still my someone, you know," he says lazily, trying to pass it off as nonchalance. "Even if I don't always talk about my feelings, and even if I'm all the way in Tokyo."
"Okay."
"And I guess I won't be offended if Naruto's your someone."
"We're all each other's someone. There are no lines."
Shikamaru likes that—being each other's someone. It's a vague enough title to keep the corniness at bay, but blunt enough to indicate that it means something. He's never really thought about it, but maybe it'd be okay sometimes—to be proper friends and to help each other out, even if it means pitching in for calculator funds or saving a life or two.
"Did Neji ever find out about the bow in his hair?" he asks, getting uncomfortable from all of the mushy feelings in his belly.
Sasuke snorts. "Yeah, because Hinata was too nice not to say anything."
"Dammit, I was hoping he wouldn't notice for the entire night."
"Don't worry—I think Naruto got pictures."
Their conversation is interrupted when their parents wave them over to finally leave for the night. Shikamaru heaves a great sigh and shoves his hands deep into his pockets, his back curved into its signature slouch.
"See you sometime soon?" he says to Sasuke, tilting his head in question. "Even if it's just another gaming party."
Sasuke's eyebrows rise in surprise, because Shikamaru is rarely the one to make plans. "Sure, that sounds good. I'll text you guys."
"Cool, see you later."
"See you."
Shikaku claps him hard on the back once Shikamaru reaches him. His mother straightens the handkerchief in his breast pocket with a proud smile set on her lips, even though there's no one to impress anymore. He follows his parents out into the parking lot and gets into the car, breathes in the smell of petrichor, and—for the first time in a long time, he feels good.
He feels like everything will be okay.
A/N: And that's the end! I felt like this chapter makes a good connection with the first, so I hope you guys think so too. After great contemplating, I'm going to write an epilogue—that will, hopefully, be posted next week! And there will be something a little different about it. ;)
