Chapter Twelve
Smiling On The Inside
It never ends. – Fenris
Sundermount
Merrill could think of nothing to say.
She had thought about what she wanted to say to Mahariel if she ever found him but now here he was in front of her and nothing was coming to mind. She had been waiting for this moment for a year, to finally see her friend again but something in his expression stopped her from hugging him like she wanted to and dreamed of doing. He looked like he had been through so much with the scars and the cold look in his one visible eye.
Even the way he was dressed now disturbed her but Merrill put on a brave face and introduced herself to the band of humans and the dwarf the Keeper had sent to her. She had only ever met one human, the Warden Duncan who took Mahariel away from his clan but it wasn't as if he had any other choice in the matter. Garrett Hawke was a nice man from the first impression she got of him. Bethany was curious about the Dalish while the third one, Carver simply looked uncomfortable.
Anders felt his heart constrict when he saw the innocence in Merrill's eyes. She had been so sure that the demon she summoned would have been able to help her bring back a piece of her clan's history. In all the years Anders knew her Merrill never once became a soulless murderer with the blood magic she used. She was a good and innocent woman who didn't deserve what happened to her.
He had been consumed by Vengeance that he never once thought about what she had went through, what she had suffered for entirely selfless reasons. Her clan despised her, the Keeper saw her as a disappointment and it looked like Theron wasn't in a talking mood with anyone in the clan. Anders winced when he saw the indifferent look on the elf's face whenever one of the clan tried to talk to him. He honestly didn't care about being here.
Anders followed Merrill and Garrett up the pathway of the mountain where the cave was located. The blond mage was more than a little worried about the potential meeting with Flemeth. Theron hadn't been here the first time round and neither was Bethany. Being in the presence of the old witch unnerved Anders more than he cared to admit but he had to see this through. The trek up the pathway and into the cave wasn't that bad.
Large spiders and corpses tried to kill them but it was no problem taking them out. Soon they reached the magical barrier separating the group from the ancient shrine. As expected Merrill used her blood magic to destroy the barrier which resulted in Garrett demanding to know what in the Maker's name was she thinking. Bethany had gone pale and Carver looked even more annoyed if that was possible.
Anders was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't hear Theron step behind him. When a cool hand grabbed his wrist Anders almost let out a scream but he managed to hold it in barely. Theron's single wine eye was narrowed but a tiny smirk played at his lips. He wondered when the mage would want to talk to him.
"Garrett, I'll stay here and watch for way more stragglers." Anders suggested. "There's still dark magic at work here."
"I'll stay with him." Theron offered while Anders gulped loudly.
"Alright, but be careful." Hawke asked then he followed after Merrill towards the altar.
"Something on your mind?" the elf asked. "I know you've been dying to ask me something since we met."
"You're right." Anders nodded but his nervousness wouldn't go away. "It's about Justice."
"What about it?" Theron stood defensively.
"What happened to him?" Anders asked quietly. "What did he do to you?"
"You know..." Theron strode up to the mage causing him to back against the sharp rocky wall behind him. "You're asking a lot of weird questions. Why should you even care about a Fade Spirit this much?"
"I..." Anders stopped. How could he even begin to explain this? "I can't tell you just yet. Please, tell me what happened."
"Justice tried to do a good thing." Theron frowned as he mentioned the Spirit. "He screwed it up and here I am."
"What?" Anders didn't understand what the elf was saying.
"I was in Amaranthine not long ago. I fought a creature that killed me." Theron explained.
"Maker..." Anders was sure his heart has stopped. Theron had been killed? But...but that wasn't possible!
"The Mother was a tough bitch to kill." Theron glided his fingers against the scars on his face. "She left me with a memento though. Long story short the potions weren't enough to save me."
"B-But didn't you have a healer?" Anders felt bile rising in his throat.
"There was a mage with me but she wasn't good with healing spells." The elf didn't look bothered at that. "Justice...I don't know what it was exactly but he saved me."
"So why are you so angry?" Anders asked. "he saved you and you hate him for it? Why?"
"So curious..." Theron leaned in until his breath blew against Anders' face. "Don't you know what curiosity did to the cat?"
"I never liked that saying. I love cats." Anders could have kicked himself after saying that. His former commander was standing too close for comfort and that didn't help matters at all. Theron simply looked amused.
"There's something about you Anders." Theron stared at him. "Something in your eyes...like you've seen things no one else has. You're hiding things."
"Everyone has secrets." Anders snapped back.
"And until I get to know you a little I'm going to keep mine." Theron cocked his head. "But what about Hawke?"
"He has nothing to do with this." Anders narrowed his eyes.
"Now that is a lie." Theron's lips curled into a smile. "What exactly is he to you?"
"That's none of your business." Anders averted his eyes. "And Hawke has nothing to do with me."
"From the moment we met you've wanted to know about Justice and what he did to me." The red headed elf surmised. "It's like you knew even before we met."
"What are you two doing?" Garrett's irritated voice spoke out. Anders praised the Maker for Hawke's arrival.
"Nothing!" Anders shoved past Theron and stalked back down the path.
"I like him." Theron sauntered up to Hawke. "He's feisty."
"Yes he is and now that you know you can stop pestering him." Garrett was practically seething with jealousy.
"Even you have to admit there's something wrong with him." Theron walked past him. "He lies through his teeth. I can see it clearly."
"Did it occur to you that he might have a reason?" Garrett asked angrily.
"True but I couldn't help it." He grinned. "I'm just naturally curious."
"We met with Flemeth. Let's go." Garrett ignored the elf as he followed after Anders.
"Whatever you say boss." Theron walked behind the others whole Merrill kept close to Garrett.
Once they reached the bottom of the mountain the Keeper was there waiting for them and with a request to take Merrill with them. Theron quickly moved away from the Keeper even when she tried to talk to him. The rest of the clan were deathly silent as Theron passed by.
No one approached him while others simply looked stunned at his appearance. Darel was at the entrance to the camp and he silently moved away when Theron walked to the small ruins. He heard Hawke and the others running to catch up while Anders was already outside the camp completely. He sounded like he was out of breath after running down the mountain.
"Once we get back to Kirkwall I'll take you to the alienage." Garrett said to Merrill. "My family lives in Lowtown so if you need someone to talk to you can come see us."
"That's very sweet of you." Merrill smiled shyly.
"Theron, once we get back to the city I want to have a word." Garrett said.
"I need a drink." Theron announced. "We'll talk in the Hanged Man."
"What's wrong brother?" Carver knew something was up whenever Garrett got that look on his face.
"It's probably nothing." Garrett shrugged but he looked worried. "Let's go home."
"Garrett," Anders looked relieved when the mage approached him. "Sorry about going off like that."
"We're heading back to Kirkwall." He said. "We got what we came for."
"What are you staring at?" Theron scowled at Merrill who looked sheepish at being caught.
"It's just…I never thought I'd see you again Mahariel." Merrill said nervously. "But you seem so different."
"Building an army to kill an insane old god will do that to you." The red head ran his fingers against the daggers at his sides. "So what have you been up to? I heard what the Keeper said."
"A lot has changed since you left." Merrill replied. "Not all of it was good."
"And you never came off as this innocent." Theron had been surprised when she used blood magic but he wasn't about to lecture her on the evils of that magic. He knew more than most what you had to resort to when there was no other option.
The group arrived back into the city without any incidents to which Anders was grateful. He couldn't concentrate right now not after what Theron had said to him on the mountain. What could Justice gave done to him? Theron had never been that flippant or detached in all the time Anders knew him.
"I'll take Merrill to the alienage." Carver said once they entered Lowtown.
"You will?" Garrett's eyebrows shot up.
"That's very kind of you Carver." Merrill smiled brightly.
"Thanks Carver." Garrett nodded to his brother. "But why the sudden generosity?"
"You said you needed to talk to Theron. It's already getting dark." Carver pointed out. "Besides I don't feel like going back to that hovel right now."
"Can't say I blame you." Garrett scratched his head. "I'll see you both later. Goodbye Merrill."
"I'll be at the Hanged Man if you need me." Garrett waved to his brother and sister as they headed towards the alienage.
"How was the trip boys?" Isabela greeted them once they entered the tavern. "Find any treasure to plunder?"
"Not today Isabela." Anders remarked.
"Well, care for a game of Wicked Grace?" the pirate suggested with a coy smile.
"Not after last time." Hawke shuddered at the memory.
"So what's on your mind?" Theron ordered whiskey.
"Look, I know I agreed to watch you on the Viscount's behalf but I don't want you making my friends uncomfortable." Garrett glared at him.
"Friends or just that cute mage?" Theron downed his drink.
"Leave him alone Mahariel." Hawke warned him.
"No need to get jealous. He's not my type anyway." Theron waved the man off. "But he is intriguing."
"Anders aside I want you to find a way into the Deep Roads." Garrett changed the topic before his anger got the better of him.
"I don't have any maps for the Free Marches but I'll see what I can do." Theron responded.
"Just like that?" Hawke said with suspicion. "You don't want anything in return?"
"Just take me with you into the Roads once you go. I need a good battle." The elf replied.
"You have a deal. Just find an entrance soon." Hawke crossed his arms. "Whatever spoils we find down there you can have a percentage."
"I'm not going down there for the money." The elf said sharply. "I don't need money."
"Then what are you looking for?" Garrett asked.
"Something to get my blood going again." Theron drank another cup of whiskey. "Thanks for the talk but I really want to drink right now."
"Brother!" Garrett was distracted from the elf with his sister's arrival to the tavern. "A letter came for you from our former employer."
"Now what?" Garrett groaned as he took the letter from Bethany. He had paid off his debt long ago. "She wants me to meet a dwarf at night in Lowtown?"
"Are you going to go?" Bethany asked.
"There's good money here. It might be worth investigating." Garrett replied while Bethany didn't look convinced.
"Oh and Aveline wanted to see you once you have a free moment." Bethany told him.
"Alright…" Garrett was on his way out when he spotted Anders sitting at a table alone, his gaze fixed on the drink he had ordered. "I'll be home soon Beth."
"Oh, hello Garrett." Anders murmured when his friend approached him. "Sorry, I'm just distracted."
"Are you alright Anders? You've been distracted since Mahariel turned up." Garrett hoped that the other mage didn't pick up on the jealous tone in his voice.
"Just seeing him made me think of things, decisions I've made." Anders gripped his cup with both hands. "I wanted to have a normal life s badly but…I never thought this would happen."
"Hey," Garrett reached out and placed his fingers against Anders' hand. "You know you can talk to me. Whatever it is I can help."
"You're so kind." Anders choked out. He hated that he couldn't tell Garrett. He hated not being able to just sit like this with him. "I want to tell you but…but give me time, please? I need to figure some things out first."
"I'll learn your secrets yet." Garrett joked. "I have a trustworthy face after all. The amount of people who tell me their darkest secrets is staggering. The Chantry must be losing business."
"You certainly have something." Anders laughed with him. Being like this felt so natural. Anders felt better, he could breathe a little easier and Garrett was sitting there smiling at him. Just for him.
"But if you need to talk you know where to find me. I'm not going anywhere." Garrett said with a smile. He stood up to leave when he felt warm fingers wrap around his wrist.
"Garrett, do you want to have dinner with me?"
