The previous writer for TMR, Hilden B. Lade, resigned so welcome TMR's new writer, Brian, and his first chapter - the moment you sick fucks have all been waiting for!


"Ah, Claudia. Dearest sister, in this time of madness, where would I be without you?" Ezio said as Claudia prepared the room for their special session.

"Dead at the hands of that nefarious villain who calls himself Minstrel Man."

"I try not to dwell upon that too much, Claudia. But yes, these are strange times that we find ourselves living in. Our father revealed to have been alive this entire time and alternate versions of our good friend Leonardo invading from other worlds. And to think that it was no Templar or renegade Assassin to best me… but rather a minstrel. A pity that I am in no state to find my vengeance." Ezio sighed, pretending that his back was broken. Leonardo of Earth-102 had informed Ezio of Earth-35 that his back wasn't actually broken, that only a simple piece had popped out, but Ezio decided that he was too old for this shit and wanted to ride out the wave of minstrel carnage while others died in his stead… even dear Claudia he would sacrifice before he fixed himself and returned to the fight.

"Poor, poor, Ezio…" Claudia unpinned her hair, letting it fall loosely. She flicked her head, the hair beautifully flowing in the candle-lit room. "But your famiglia is still here for you."

"Oh yes… Non vedo l'ora." Ezio smiled as she took off his boots, licking the soles of his feet once with her wet tongue. "Ooh… si solletica."

"You think that tickles, Ezio? Wait until you see what I've saved for last!" Claudia crawled onto the bed with him, and took out his belt with her teeth. A shudder ran through Ezio, concentrating on his lower extremeties which began to pulse even harder and quicker once Claudia rested her cheek against that area after she finished stripping him to his underwear.

"Ezio, you naughty boy... what would our parents say?" Claudia cooed as she felt Ezio throbing against her.

"They can't do anything to us now. And I promise you Claudia, when all this over... Io ti sposerò."

"Oh, Ezio! That would be perfecto!" Claudia then began to do a little dance over Ezio as she undressed in front of him. As she slipped off her dress, Ezio could see how perfectly his sister was formed even as she was approaching middle age. How could he have been so blind? All his empty pursuits in life such as Christina... they weren't the right women for his lifestyle. But here in front of him... as she always had been, was a woman that knew him closer than any of his past flames. Only one woman knew him even better but she was long dead. Ezio finally decided that there was nothing better to do with one's life than to breed with blood. And at that moment, the throbbing reached its climax. Before Ezio could control himself, the sheer force of his arousal overwhelmed his body and shot his displaced bone back into place! And suddenly, Ezio regained control of his body! Overcome by pain, Ezio shot up screaming!

"Dio mio, Ezio!" Claudia cried. "You can walk!"

"I can walk? Shi- I mean, grazie Jesu!" Then he noticed that his junior had shriveled upon itself at this horrifying revelation that he would have to resume responsibility of upholding the Assassin's Creed again. He futilely began to whack it, hoping to boost it back up, but his right hand did nothing.

"Claudia…" He started before she shushed him. "No problems, brother. We can start again."

The two siblings, fully accepting that their relationship was not only as relations but something far deeper, kissed.

"What? Ezio can walk again?" The door was kicked down by Giovanni Auditore. Then he noticed the two siblings 3/4th nude and holding hands as their wet lips departed.

"Dio mio! What foul sorcery is this?" Giovanni ran outside and vomited. When he returned, he was quite angry.

"Che diavolo, my son? When I said that I would approve of anything other than omosessualità, I assumed that you would group incest in as an unspoken but obvious second!" Giovanni wailed. "Oh, now I wish that I was dead like my worthless sons and brother! But not as worthless as you, Ezio, as I have learned!"

"Father, wait! It is not what it looks like!" Ezio pleaded.

"Stai zitto, you stronzo sorella!" Giovanni strode over and slapped the two cleanly across their cheeks and promptly disowned the two of them as he stormed out of the room. "Your mother would be ashamed. You have stained our eredità di famiglia!"

"What an stronzo." Claudia said. "Ezio… the world finally knows about us. What will we do?"

"It does not matter, dear sister." He snatched her in close, and kissed her. Their tongues wiggled through into the other's mouth, and began to rock and roll. Instantly, his fire was reignited and Claudia oohed with pleasure as it prodded against her thigh.

"Claudia… let me tell you something, dear sister. Ever since my old flame Christina perished in Firenze… this is the first time that I have felt true joy around a woman instead of nihilistic emptiness. Claudia, I have held this back for so long in the face of silly societal norms and good taste but there is no need to anymore. For looking in your eyes I see a paradise. This world that I've found is too good to be true. Standing here beside you, want so much to give you. This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you."

"Oh, Ezio. Father may have abandoned us, but that matters not. Let 'em say we're crazy, I don't care about that. Put your hand in my hand, Ezio, don't ever look back. Let the world around us just fall apart.

Ezio, we can make it if we're heart to heart."

The two said in unison as they brushed lips together.

"And we can build this thing together

Stand this stormy weather

Nothing's gonna stop us now

And if this world runs out of lovers

We'll still have each other

Nothing's gonna stop us

Nothing's gonna stop us now

For nothing is true, everything is permitted."

Ezio ripped off Claudia's undergarments while she did the same with his. The two exchanged a touch in the same area on their bodies, arousing them greatly. She bent over and licked the bottom of his third hidden blade, and he giggled uncontrollably as she touched all the right nerves. The two locked eyes and smiled. Then Ezio and Claudia Auditore grabbed ahold of each other. Ezio straddled her thighs and he pushed her onto the bed. With his mighty palms, he slapped each of her buttocks causing her to squeal with delight at the stinging when palm met flesh. She rolled over pinning him down, and they snuggled beneath the covers. Ezio grabbed a nearby jug of oil and the two siblings poured it all over themselves, causing them to wildly roll around clasping each other until they had torn all the sheets off the bed. She held him a lock with her legs, forcing his face closer to her divide until he breathed in its scents firmly and gave it a strong lick causing her to release him as the tickling pleasure overcame her. And finally, after rolling around on top of her as they wildly thrusted themselves against each other Ezio came atop again. He began to pump her, and the oil made making brother and sister one quite smooth. As she released a cry of joy, Claudia reached for the candlestick and blew it out. Under the cover of darkness, there was only the sound of pleasured oohing and ahhing from both siblings until a climatic final pleasured pant.

Then silence.