Disclaimer: No.


Chapter 12

I didn't pick up the phone to call Bella until nearly one in the afternoon. When she finally answered the phone instead of saying hello she made a very strange squeaking noise.

"That was a weird noise," I commented.

"I wasn't thinking when I got up," Bella mumbled. "I moved a little too fast to grab the phone."

I heaved a sigh. "You didn't hurt your ankle again? I could have waited." She had hurt herself running to get the phone. Brilliant.

"I didn't know that it was going to be you," she said in a frustrated voice.

"Then why else would you have ran to get the phone?" I teased her.

She was silent for a moment before snapping, "What do you want?" at me.

"World peace, a steady economy and an Aston Martin. Why? Are you some kind of genie?" I took a moment to imagine Bella dressed up like I Dream of Genie.

"No," her voice sounded confused. "What was the last one?"

"It's a car Bella," I sighed. She was very easily distracted.

"Why a car?" She sounded incredulous.

"I like shiny things," I rolled my eyes. "Now what was your question?" I asked in an attempt to get back on topic.

"Well you obviously had some motivation in calling me, is it too much to asked what that is?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight."

Bella paused for a second. "Sure. I guess it's just us again tonight. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "You're always welcome to come over here, if you want."

I heard a faint rustling in the background. "Why don't you come over here," Bella said suddenly.

"Sure. That sounds like fun." I assumed that her dad was going to be out that night.

"I can cook, I guess. Oh, and I have this movie here that I've been meaning to force you to watch."

"Oh boy," I said in a teasing voice. "When do you want me?"

Bella spluttered for a moment. I heard some more rustling then she asked. "Is seven okay?"

I smiled, knowing that Jasper was picking Alice up at six thirty. "Sounds great, I'll see you then."

"Bye," her voice squeaked into the phone.

I probably stood outside the door for about ten minuets before I got up the nerve to finally knock.

"It's open," I heard Bella yell from the kitchen.

I opened the door and had to take a moment to catch my breath. Bella was wearing the exact same shade of blue as the dress the she had been wearing in my dream. It looked just as lovely on her as I had imagined.

"What are you doing?" I looked over her shoulder. It was more of an excuse for me to smell her hair than anything else.

"Food. I'm making it."

"You are cooking without supervision?" I teased her.

"Yes?" Bella said. Her tone questioned where I was taking this joke.

"You might set something on fire. Look at that knife you're holding. You still have all of your fingers, right?" Laughing, I reached out to grab her wrist. She batted me off.

"Yes, I do Mr. Smarty-pants." She threatened me by pointing the tip of her rather large knife at my stomach. "And for your information I have been cooking since I was twelve and I have yet to have an accident."

I threw my hands up, signaling surrender. Bella smirked at me and went back to her chopping. I went back to my chopping.

"So what are you making, exactly?" I asked her as I seated myself across the counter from her.

"Spaghetti. Nothing fancy. Charlie doesn't keep a lot of stuff in the house for me to work with."

We talked while Bella continued to cook. I managed to get her to agree to go out somewhere with me the next day, but I wouldn't tell her where.

"Great," she muttered. "Are you going to dump my body in the woods?"

"Something like that," I chuckled.

Honestly, I think that Bella's food was better than the restaurants. Plus at Bella's house the staff didn't flirt with me, unfortunately.

Bella talked very enthusiastically for a while, but I was distracted. Since I had decided to tell Bella about how I felt about her my mind was constantly turning itself upside down to find the right words. I wasn't really sure that how I felt about her could be put into a logical sentence. The way I felt about Bella was far from logical.

While I was thinking Bella had trailed off. I realized the sudden quiet in the room and looked up at her. She was leaning on her elbows over the counter. Her eyes regarded me with a confused expression. I smiled and laughed at myself, I guessed that I must have looked pretty lost.

The movie Bella made me watch was French. It had been years since my mom had taught me French at our kitchen table, but I was able to follow it when the main characters were talking slowly enough, but the majority of the movie I was utterly dependent upon the yellow subtitles.

I could tell from Bella's reactions to the movie that she greatly identified herself with the young French girl in the movie. Quiet and imaginative. Compassionate and selfless. These were the things that I associated with the girl sitting next to me. It made me smile to think that I could imagine Bella setting up convoluted traps for people who were rude or writing a love letter to make someone feel like the person who left them still cared.

She was so entranced by the movie that she actually moved off of the couch and onto the floor. It was something that I had seen her do before when she was really getting into something. She would move closer to the screen as if that way she could get closer to the characters themselves.

I momentarily sat in wonder of how entranced Bella could get by something so simple before I realized that her movement had put far too much space between us and I followed her off the couch and onto the floor.

I threw my arm across her shoulder, mentally thanking Emmett for his advice about keeping her close. She sighed and settled back into my chest.

I vaguely wondered why I just didn't say something at that moment. It was as good a time as any, but I was so obstinate about the way that I wanted to do things. All I could think about as I ran my fingers through the ends of her curls was how much I wished that I didn't have to say anything. Couldn't she just see how I felt? Why did I have to say it out loud?

Bella's head snapped up and away from me. For a moment I feared that maybe she wanted me to stop touching her, but then I realized that she must have been affected my something that was happening on the screen.

It was the easily predicted happy ending to the love story. I couldn't understand why Bella was staring at the movie screen as if the main character had suddenly gone around and starting hacking everyone else in the movie to bits with a kitchen knife. But Bella's eyes were staring hard at the screen, her chest moving rapidly as if she was having some difficultly breathing.

"Bella?" I asked. She didn't respond. I waved my hand in front of her eyes. I was beginning to get worried. "Bella, are you in there?"

Her eyes snapped to mine. She looked at me just as confused, just as concerned and just as focused as she had looked at the television screen. I was seconds away from asking Bella what was wrong then something amazing and terrible happened.

Bella leaned forward and kissed me.

It was amazing because it was everything I had ever wanted. Her soft lips just brushed ever so gently against mine. Her cool fingers gently brushed against my cheek. It was a moment that I would want to remember for forever.

It was horrible because a moment later Bella was on her feet, tears in her eyes whispering how sorry she was.

She stepped backwards and tripped over her father's armchair. I reached out to touch her but she pulled away from me. Before my mind could fully wrap around what was happening Bella was running through the kitchen and up the stairs.

I got to my feet, unsteadily, bent upon following her. I stopped when I heard her bedroom door slam. I would have followed her straight up into her room, had she not closed the door.

I stayed rooted to the spot on the floor, going through every possible reason why Bella had run away.

Had she not meant to kiss me? Was it something that she now regretted? No, her pain was out of embarrassment.

I reached out and turned off the TV, silencing the horribly cheerful accordion music that had filled the room.

Was it something that I had done? How could it have been? I was so shocked I hadn't done anything!

It hit me. I tried to imagine what my frozen shock must have looked like to Bella. The fact that I hadn't responded, in any way, must have made her think that I wasn't interested. But how could she possibly think that? She couldn't. How I felt about her was clearly written across my face. Maybe she thought that I had changed my mind? The idea was preposterous, but no matter what the reason was, Bella was upset and I didn't know how to fix it.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I flipped it open and scrolled to the first number. I knew that it was rude to call, but I had a feeling that Alice would be more than happy for an excuse to leave.

It rang only once before Alice picked it up. "Hello?" she asked, her voice sounding relieved.

"A-Alice," I stuttered. "You need to come back here."

"What? Why? Edward, did something happen to Bella?"

I heard my voice shaking as I said, "I screwed up bad, Alice. You-you need to come back."

"Alright," Alice's voice sounded concerned. "We'll be there in a few minuets."

Waiting for Alice and Jasper was probably the longest fifteen minuets of my life. The entire time I debated with myself whether or not I should go upstairs to try to talk to Bella, but I figured that I was probably the last person on this Earth that she wanted to see.

For brief moments I was sure that I could hear her crying upstairs. I leaned my head against the tile counter. I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up or if I was going to smash my head into the tile until it bled.

The door flew open. I heard small footsteps rush up the stairs behind me. Someone came over and placed a hand on my back. It was Rose.

"Edward," she said quietly, "what happened?"

I stood up, almost gasping for breath. Rose Jasper and Emmett were all standing in Bella's kitchen, staring at me.

"I am the worst person in the world," I said slowly.

"What did you do?" Emmett asked. His voice had become dangerous and protective.

"I didn't do anything. That's the problem." I turned my back on my friends and stalked into the living room, collapsing on the armchair. My head fell into my hands. I could feel how badly my knees were shaking.

Rose knelt on the floor in front of me. She placed on soft hand on the back of my neck. Her attempt to comfort me did nothing. "Edward, what didn't you do?"

"React. I didn't react." I looked up at Rose. Her eyes were confused. "Bella kissed me."

All three of my companions gasped.

"She kissed me and I didn't do anything. I didn't move, I didn't think. All I know is that one moment she was kissing me and the next she was running up the stairs, crying." I felt close to crying myself.

Rose reached out to touch me again but we were both startled to our feet by the sound of stomping on the staircase. Before I had a chance to even move Alice was across the room and smacked me hard across the face.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she half yelled at me. "How could you do that to her?" Jasper came forward and placed his hands on Alice's shoulders in case she attempted to hit me again. Alice sharply jerked him off.

"I have never seen Bella this upset. That girl has been in love with you for as long as she's known you. You'd have to be an idiot not to see that! I thought that you were the kind of person that if you didn't feel the same way about her that you would say something instead of stringing her along until her heart got broken," she nearly shrieked.

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. While Alice had gotten the story wrong, she had every reason to be yelling at me.

"I don't want to hear it." Alice put up a hand as if to block out the words that I couldn't seem to form. "I don't even want to look at you right now, Edward. Why are you still here?"

I dropped my head. "I'll leave." I started to walk to the front door. "Alice?" I asked.

Alice's back was to me, her arms crossed over her chest. "Bella and I had plans for tomorrow. There was somewhere I wanted to take her."

"I don't think that Bella wants to go anywhere with you."

I breathed. "I know that Bella is upset, but you can't go making decisions for her," I snapped.

Alice turned to glare at me.

"Look, give me a chance to make this right. I need to explain to her what happened." Alice's eyes narrowed dangerously. I realized that I wasn't going to get anywhere with Alice at the moment. "I'm going to be here to pick Bella up at ten thirty. I would be much obliged if you could make sure that she was dressed, but if not I will be more than happy to take her out of here in her pajamas. It's your choice." I turned my back on Alice. "I know that you are upset for her Alice, but you don't know everything," I said as calmly as I could manage.

"I guess I will see you guys when we get home." I walked straight out the door, letting it bang behind me.

I drove straight home, not even sure that I was headed in the right direction until I saw the lights on in my house. I pulled into the driveway and stopped the car. I sat there for several minuets clutching the steering wheel. Then I did something that I hadn't done since I was eleven. I started crying.

As far as I could tell I had messed everything up beyond repair. For the first time in my life I had found a girl that not only was perfect for me but that I loved more that I had previously thought possible. In one stupid lack of action I had lost everything.

There was a quiet tapping on my door's window. I looked up to see my mother standing outside my car, her eyes worried.

I wiped the moisture out of my eyes and opened the door.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked as I climbed out of the car.

"Oh, everything." I slammed the door of the car making my mom jump.

She looked even more worried as she hurriedly followed me up the front steps and into the house. "Darling, what is it?"

I sank down onto one of the couches. "I think I may have lost Bella," I said into my hands.

"Oh Edward." I heard her step towards me.

"Esme," my father's voice came from the top of the stairs. "Esme, can you come up here for a moment?"

"Oh," my mother sighed. She patted my hands, which were still covering my face. "Wait here darling. I'll be back in a moment."

I heard muffled talking from the top of the staircase. I wasn't really sure what was going on until I clearly heard my father say, "Just let me talk to the boy."

A moment later my mother was calling my name. "Edward?" I pulled my hands away from my face to look up at her as she walked down the stairs to me. "Your father would like to see you in his study."

For some reason those words filled me with cold horror. My father's study was the only place in the house that I had never really spent any time in. My mother always said that it was his only personal space in the whole house and we may as well let him have it. The only times I had ever been in the study was when I was in trouble. I hadn't actually been up there since I was about twelve.

I nodded to my mother and headed up the stairs.

The room was exactly how I remembered it. Dark paneled wood. Bookshelves filled with medical texts. Sometimes I wondered if my father was secretly disappointed that I chose not to become a doctor.

My dad leaning against the fireplace, looking down into the cheerily crackling flames. "Sit down son." He motioned with one hand to the leather couch that lined the wall the door was on.

I sat down on the couch and took a deep breath.

"Do you want to tell me what happened tonight?" my father asked gently, his eyes trained on the fire.

I told him as best as I could. I could feel the nausea building again. When I finished my story my dad smiled, chuckling quietly to himself.

"Oh son, it's not as bad as you think. But then again, you've always been prone to overreaction."

"Thanks dad," I muttered sarcastically.

"Well, it's true." He walked away from the fireplace and over to his desk. I heard a tinkling of glass then I looked up to see my father smiling down at me, offering me a glass of scotch.

"How drunk will this get me?" I asked as I took the glass from him.

"Probably not drunk enough," he laughed quietly.

I tossed back the drink. I coughed as the alcohol burned my throat.

"You know, I was waiting for you to mess up with Bella, but I hadn't figured that it would be quite so soon."

I looked up at my father, confused and a little hurt.

He sighed, leaning against his desk. "I let your mother raise you like the little gentleman she wanted because I knew that it would be good for you. But I always knew that you had no real skills in dealing with girls."

"You could have helped me," I muttered angrily.

"I could have, but I wanted you to learn on your own. We learn from our mistakes, Edward. We learn what not to do. We learn what not to say. We learn how to overcome them. And most of all we learn that they are not the end of the world. You will get past this and before you know it everything will be fine."

I half sighed half laughed. "Are you sure about that?"

"Edward, your mother has a lot of pretty stories about when we were young. It all sounds perfect because she never mentions the times that I screwed things up. No one ever does. Nobody likes to talk about the stupid things that they wish they hadn't said or done, mostly because they really don't matter in the overall scheme of things. If you love Bella like your mother thinks you do, like I think you do, then this little slip up wont matter after you apologize and explain to her how you really feel."

I rolled the empty crystal glass back and forth in my palms. "You really couldn't have mentioned this earlier?"

"Would it have helped?" He shrugged. "Your mother raised you with a sense of planning ahead and knowing how you wanted things to work out. Planning is fine, but you need to learn that things rarely go the way you've planned. They may still go the way you want them to, but it will never be quite the way you thought it would be. I was waiting for you to figure that one out on your own."

"That still doesn't explain why you never talked to me about girls."

He smiled wryly. "That was partially my own foolishness. I didn't want to pressure you, make you think that I expected you to be dating or whatever. My father pushed me into it and that attributed to many of the times that I screwed up with your mother. I've been very proud watching you the last week. You have handled this remarkably well. You are an intelligent boy, Edward. I knew that you could work it out."

"I still screwed up."

"Yes you did, but it's not as bad as you think. You were shocked and that is understandable. Bella is an intelligent girl. She will listen to you, eventually. But the one thing I have seen you stumble on over and over again is making it clear to her how you feel."

"What?" I said, baffled. "How can I make it anymore clear to her? Purpose?"

Dad laughed. "Let me tell you something son. Women read things differently than we do. They way we see and hear things is different. While you think that you are being straightforward about how you feel Bella may not see it the same way. Chances are that, up until tonight, she was confused about how you felt. You've never actually said how you feel and you've never done anything to show her, so she may still think that you wanted this relationship to be nothing more that platonic."

I tried to wrap my head around how Bella could see things that way. Then I thought about how Alice saw us. Jasper said that Alice was always asking questions about me and how I felt about Bella. She saw me with Bella all of the time and I had a feeling that Bella talked to her about everything. Was it possible that my emotions, that I had thought were so blunt, were actually cryptic?

"So how am I supposed to make this right?"

"Are you going to see Bella again?"

I nodded. "I'm taking her hiking up the mountain tomorrow."

"You're going to have to show her how you feel about her."

"Show her?"

"Yes. She won't want to hear any explanations. She will be too upset. You are going to have to show her."

"How do I do that?"

Dad smiled. "If you can't figure that one out on your own, son, than I really did something wrong. Go to bed." He nodded towards the door. "You will figure everything out and by this time tomorrow you will have Bella in your arms at last."

As I walked to my room I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket to turn it off. I had a text message from Jasper.

I convinced Alice to let you have your way. You better not screw this up. You owe me big time.

I sighed to myself and reevaluated my plans for tomorrow.


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