Wow! Guys I'm so floored! Thank you so much for your support, your PM's, and your reviews. This is heavily Blaine's POV and I hope that you all enjoy it! We have NYC coming up soon! Can't wait to see what trouble these three and all the rest of New Directions are going to get into! And please don't be shy to give me advice or constructive critics, they are very welcome!
Chapter 12- If It Hadn't Been For Love
~I never would have seen the trouble that I'm in if it hadn't been for love. I would have been gone like a wayward wind if it hadn't been for love. Nobody knows it better than me. I wouldn't be wishing I was free. If it hadn't been, if it hadn't been for love.~
As Blaine pulled into the parking lot of the family restaurant he'd chosen he couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. He never would've called himself particularly sneaky or manipulative. But he knew that was exactly what he was being tonight. But really, what other choice had Kurt and Dave given him?
His let out a long sigh. He'd wanted to do something different, something a little less, underhanded... but after having coffee with Wes and David earlier this week they'd encouraged him that taking matters into his own hands was a good idea. He just wished that there could have been a different way to go about it. He'd tried all week to sit down with Kurt and Dave. But one or both of them had managed to wriggle out of his plans every single time. It had been ridiculous! And really who did they think they were kidding, pretending that they were acting normal? But still he wondered if maybe he should just leave well enough alone. He sat in his car and seriously thought about just turning right around and calling the whole thing off.
He let out another sigh. This week had been far to annoying and there was no way he was going to play along with whatever it was they were doing for another week. Nope. Tonight was it, the last straw before he had to resort to kidnapping them both and duct-taping them to his kitchen chairs. Which would be really hard and amazingly annoying. He wasn't even sure how to go about kidnapping someone... not to mention the whole it being a felony thing. He got out of the car.
Blaine scanned the restaurant and was happy that it was only about half full and most of the other patrons seemed to be either families or older couples. He had decided against Breadsticks early on because of its high-profile appeal to the kids of McKinely and opted for an out of the way family restaurant near the highway. It had been difficult to find a place that both Dave, the human garbage disposal, and Kurt, finicky eater extraordinaire, would both want to go to. They were all such creatures of habit. Not that he was even sure that they would get to the eating part tonight at all. Better safe than sorry anyway.
He was early enough that he got the booth in a tucked away corner that he had wanted as soon as he walked in. He took the seat facing the door. He looked up to see a stuffed alligator on the wall above him. Ah, kitch. The atmosphere was warm and way too cheerful for his state of 'd started off the week worried and now he was dancing a line between pissed-off and scared. It was an uncomfortable mix.
Blaine looked around once more. Thinking about the other people in the place, just enjoying their Friday night out. He would have preferred meeting at someone's houses but he knew that wouldn't have worked. He had thought about inviting them over to his but he had a feeling that he might want to have the choice to drive home alone and go hide in his room for the rest of the weekend… Which would be hard if Dave and Kurt were at his place already. He settled into the seat and waited for the first of the two to show up.
Kurt got there first and saw Blaine quickly, eyes lighting up. He sat, his back facing the entrance. "Hey!" He greeted Blaine cheerfully.
Blaine returned Kurt's smile and greeting, "Hi."
Blaine loved Kurt's smile, it was infectious. It never failed to make him grin. He knew he was angry but there was just something about Kurt's face, it was so expressive. Blaine could see everything Kurt thought move across that beautiful face, clear as day. He'd never met anyone with a face so expressive. But it was a bit of a double-edged sword, all that emotiveness meant that while he could share in Kurt's happy moments he felt Kurt's sad ones just as acutely. That was why he needed to be reserved Blaine tonight. He needed to steel himself. He forced himself to let the smile fall away from his mouth.
Kurt fidgeted lightly with his vest and scarf, smoothing down and rearranging so it would look it's best while he was sitting down. Kurt was talking about a lady he'd seen who'd he'd seen wearing one of his favorite jackets from Lip Service. Blaine was annoyed when realized he was smiling again, watching Kurt's slender hands animate the story. Kurt had no idea that he'd invited Dave too.
Blaine suddenly wondered if Kurt knew how lucky Blaine felt to have met the slender boy. Blaine's life hadn't been bad before Kurt. He'd had no reason to complain. But that had been the trouble; it had been safe, structured and boring. Kurt had been a breath of fresh air (more like a hurricane). He was pretty sure Kurt didn't even realize what a force of nature he was. A lot of the time, especially now at McKinley, Blaine felt that he was just being swept along in the wake of Kurt. But it was a ride that he was more than happy to take. Which had surprised Blaine.
Blaine had figured he would be the one in control. At Dalton he'd always been the catalyst. He'd never understood just how stifled Kurt must have felt at Dalton. Or how buttoned-down he'd let himself become there as well. Dalton was a great school that had treated Blaine very well, it had been the perfect place to retreat to and lick his wounds and he would always be grateful for that. But by the time he'd met Kurt Blaine had been seventeen going on forty. Not anymore. He'd never felt more like a teenager than he did around the New Directions and Kurt. Blaine was grateful to Kurt for so many little things. Even the seemingly bad things. Their friendship had given him the chance to talk about things, like his own bullying experiences, and to go back to a public school and face those shadows, something he had never thought he would be able to do. He'd found in Kurt someone that believed in him and looked up to him. It was a lot of pressure sometimes. His happiness had become irrevocably bound up with the boy sitting across from him at some point in the last eight months. In the big scheme of things that was an incredibly short period of time.
Kurt frowned at the dark haired boy, "Why are you looking at me like that? Is everything okay?"
Blaine turned his eyes away from Kurt. "It's nothing. Sorry. Just deep thoughts."
Kurt's frown deepened, "Oh, okay…" he tried for a new topic, "So, New York in two weeks? Are you excited?"
"Of course. I've been a few times with my mom. It's a really hip city."
Kurt's tongue darted out as he looked over the menu, "So are we going to order?"
Blaine shook his head. "Let's just wait for a minute."
Kurt tried to catch Blaine's eyes but failed. That's odd. "Blaine, you're worrying me. What's wrong?"
Blaine avoided Kurt's eyes and was a little relieved when he saw Dave enter. Dave caught his eyes and gave him a nod, strolled towards him. Well, here we go.
"Hey, sorry I'm a bit la…" Dave stopped dead as soon as he saw Kurt. The two boys looked at each other for a moment trying to figure out what had just happened.
Kurt figured it out first. His eyes went wide and his spine went ridged as he turned his gaze from Dave back to Blaine. Dave's eyes moved to Blaine as well.
Kurt tilted his head to the side, "Just you and me?"
Blaine closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "Okay. So as I'm pretty sure you two figured out I invited you both here for dinner without telling you." He held up a hand to forestall the questions that he could see poised on the other boys lips. "I'll explain as soon as Dave sits down."
For a moment Dave looked back toward the door and considered bolting. But he knew that would be an amazingly bitch move. Blaine had pulled a fast one, and he had to give the shorter boy some credit for it. Obviously Kurt hadn't told him shit this week. Or why else would they be in ma-and-pa-eatery next to the highway. Great. This is going to be un-fucking-pleasant. He let out rumbling sigh and slid in next to Kurt, who scooted over to give him room. Dave would just keep his head down, take the shots and the blame that was going to be thrown at him. He wasn't really going to have a choice.
The three boys sat there in an uncomfortable silence while the waiter came and gave them water. Blaine looked from Kurt to Dave. Kurt was watching him warily, head up, hands in his lap. Dave, on the other hand, had his hands huddled around his water glass, head hung down. It looks like he's waiting for me to tell him his puppy has cancer.
It was that look on Dave's face that always hurt Blaine. Even now, when Dave had his family and friends behind him, his immediate expectations were always to be punished and rejected. Blaine knew that Dave tried to hide his feelings most of the time and usually succeeded, except when he couldn't hide his frustration or anger. He'd done everything he could to make Dave feel comfortable and happy around him and had been rewarded with what he would consider a pretty good friendship. Blaine knew that Dave was still guarded around him. But that didn't surprise Blaine. Dave was guarded around just about everyone. But he'd watched Kurt painstakingly coax smiles and admissions out of the bigger boy he'd never seen anyone else capable of doing. There was just something in Dave that he'd never been able to reach that Kurt could. A lot of that had to do with Dave's personal journey but Blaine knew that wasn't totally it either. Dave trusted Kurt in a way he didn't trust anyone else. Almost blindly. Blaine had always tried to be understanding of the friendship between Kurt, his boyfriend, and Dave, his friend. The two of them had a lot of history together, very personal history that even someone who knew, like Blaine did, still would be on the outside of. He tried not to be jealous. But sometimes it was hard...
Looking at the two of them sitting next to each other, growing more and more uncomfortable by the second, Blaine wondered if he should just leave well enough alone. It had been his first impulse in the car. Because that's what he preferred to do.
Blaine had always avoided conflict like Ebola or eating broccoli. He hated it. How he dealt with his father was a perfect example of how much he strived to avoid conflict. Compartmentalize and wait it out, that was his M.O. That's why he'd waited so long to kiss Kurt. Why he'd never squared off against his dad. Why he'd let his bullies run him out of his old school. It was just easy to avoid it, let it roll off. He'd been so sure that Dave or Kurt would talk to him when they were ready to talk. Even now he felt that maybe he didn't have to force the issue. Maybe next week.
But then these feelings I've been having aren't going to go away. I'll be stuck for another week watching those two stare at each other across class rooms and hallways. And not knowing.
Blaine's mind had been running through hideous scenario after hideous scenario since Sunday morning when he'd woken up to Dave already gone, Kurt making pancakes, being very cagey and trying to hide from Blaine the fact that he'd been crying. Blaine had waited patiently for either Kurt or Dave to tell him what was going on…but nothing. For the whole week nothing. Well, he was sick of waiting.
Blaine took a sip of water, "I think I'm a pretty reasonable person." He paused, "So, which of you is going to tell me what is going on?"
Kurt and Dave glanced at each other briefly before Dave focused back on his water glass and Kurt wrapped his arms around himself, looking toward the wall.
Blaine's jaw tightened. He tried to keep his voice calm and level. "I know how you guys fight. You guys yell at each other, then you don't talk for a while and in about a week you say sorry. I mean that's normal for us. The thing is that even during those times when you guys aren't talking to each other you are both still talking to me." He had to stop and wait for the hot lump in his throat to clear, "You" he said looking at Kurt "You are my boyfriend." Kurt's eyes flicked to Blaine's then dropped. Blaine turned his focus to Dave, "And you, are supposed to be one of my best friends." Dave looked up at that statement. Had Blaine never told him that he considered him a best friend? Well, he knew now. Crappy timing but oh well. "I honestly thought one of you would tell me what happened last weekend that upset you both so much."
Kurt whispered, "I didn't want to worry you…"
Dave didn't move.
Blaine nodded slowly, "Okay. But I have been worried. I've been freaking out this entire week. I mean, come on guys. What do you think I'm going to do when my boyfriend and our best friend suddenly aren't talking after a drunken party where I didn't really see either of you for most of the night? You were a hot mess by the end of the night Kurt. You were balling your eyes out to Mercedes and you wouldn't let me anywhere near you." Dave's head jerked up a bit, looking at Kurt. Apparently Dave hadn't known about that detail. Kurt's face began to crumble around the edges. And the hot lump in Blaine's throat was back. "Dave got slushied this week! Right in front of us! And he took control of his anger. That's a huge step and yet he didn't what you anywhere around him. What is that?I've been waiting all week for one of you to tell me what was wrong so I didn't have to have these horrible thoughts of what might have happened in my head." He put a fist to his chest, "I am not a jealous person. And I've hated myself all week for the shit that my mind has come up with that was so bad neither of you could tell me. I don't want to be this kind of person." He swallowed painfully around the lump, "So, can one of you please tell me what the hell is going on?"
Dave couldn't move, or speak. He was in complete shut down. Kurt looked over at the bigger boy for less than a second to know what was happening in Dave's head. Kurt let out a shaking breath and licked his lips. It had been his responsibility to tell Blaine and he'd failed. He'd failed all of them. So now it was time to own up. "I kissed Dave."
Blaine's brow shot up. Seriously? That's it? Why the hell couldn't Kurt just tell me that on Sunday?
Dave woke up at the words he looked fearfully up at Blaine, who was still silent. Dave knew he had to say something, "Kurt was drunk. He didn't know what he was doing..."
When Blaine didn't say anything Kurt got even more scared, "Do you believe me?"
Blaine looked up at Kurt, "Yes. Because you can't lie. It would be all over your face. That's why I knew something was up on Sunday morning."
"Oh." Kurt's gaze dropped to the table. Of course Blaine had known something was wrong. It had been stupid to think he could hide it.
"I appreciate you telling me though...finally."
Blaine's calm tone confused Dave, and the confusion was clear on his face when he asked, "Aren't you upset?"
Blaine shifted his dark eyes over to Dave and raised his eyebrows, "I'm very upset. Did you want me to yell? Or maybe pitch a hissy-fit in the middle of the restaurant?"
Under those calm eyes Dave shrank back down into his seat. Blaine wondered why the 6'2" football line backer always thought he could shrink himself down into not being noticed. Blaine tilted his head, thinking again. He knew it had to have been something like that. But he thought that it was going to be something much worse. And now that he knew he was starting to realize a few more things. He wasn't exactly mad like he'd told Dave, it was more like extreme disappointment. Is that normal? I think I'm supposed to be angrier. Why couldn't they just tell me? A mean thought flashed through his mind and he grabbed onto it. There, that's what normal boyfriends should do. Right? Be petty. Still looking at Dave Blaine asked, "Did you kiss him back?"
"Blaine!" Kurt gasped.
Dave's face went couldn't be mad at Blaine. He probably would ask the same question if he was in Blaine's shoes. Well, he'd probably be screaming the question as he throttled the living daylights out of the guy. "No." He breathed out.
"No?"Blaine repeated.
Dave looked up, finally feeling the first rush of anger, "No." Fuck you! He wanted to tell him that it he hadn't because of him. Well that wasn't entirely true...Dave knew Kurt well enough that he knew what cheating on Blaine would have done to Kurt. It would have ripped him up inside. It probably had ripped him up all week. Didn't Blaine get it? But he didn't say anything. He just huddled around himself tighter, but not breaking eye contact. His eyes narrowing.
Blaine held Dave's eyes. He could see how mad Dave was that he'd asked that question. Blaine knew that Dave had feelings for Kurt. If he could've just blamed Dave everything would've been simpler. There could be a good guy and a bad guy. Very clear cut black and white. But deep down Blaine knew that Dave wasn't that kinda of guy. Blaine knew that Dave adored Kurt, so much so that Dave would never do anything that he thought might hurt Kurt. Blaine had also watched Dave's slow progress when it came to intimate physical contact. For Christ's sake Saturday night was the first time Dave had ever hugged Blaine voluntarily. And he knew for a fact that Dave had never hugged Kurt. Dave could barely initiate contact with Kurt beyond an awkward pat on the shoulder. Dave had become more comfortable with Kurt touching him, on the hand, on the arm, but he was never the one that initiated the contact. That was one of the main reasons why he'd never been worried about Kurt and Dave spending time together. The only person that seemed to successfully invade Dave's bubble both ways was Santana.
Blaine let out a sigh, "I'm sorry Dave."
"Why are you apologizing to me?" Dave ground out between his teeth, still striving to keep control on his temper.
"For insinuating that you are less of a man than I know you to be."
"He pushed me away." Kurt finally spoke up. He'd been frozen, out in the cold away from the burning look Dave and Blaine had been sharing. "He got so upset. He accidently pushed me into a wall. He told me to just give him space on Sunday morning, before everyone woke up. This wasn't Dave's fault. It was mine." Well, kind of. If you, Blaine, hadn't told me about Dave's supposed crush on me none of this would have happened. So really maybe this is your fault? Ever think of that? Kurt bit his tongue before that little rant left his mouth. That wasn't fair. And Kurt knew that it wasn't true either.
Blaine caught the anguished look in Dave's eyes at the mention of the push. Of course the distance thing had been Dave's idea. Push away, push away, reject before they reject you. Enough guilt to go around for everyone. Blaine trained his focus back to Kurt. Kurt's big eyes always paled out to the most amazing color when he was about to cry. It was transfixing.
Kurt choked out the next words, trying to hold the tears in, "I'm so sorry."
Blaine lifted a hand to stop Kurt. He held his hand up for a long time, even after Kurt stopped talking. He was trying to find his own voice. "I believe you feel bad Kurt. And really, I'm the last person that should make judgement calls about making bad kissing choices while drunk..." he took a breath, "I think what I'm having trouble with is the fact that you kept this from me."
There was a edge of pleading in Kurt's voice, "I was going to tell you. It just never felt like the right time."
Blaine shook his head, "On it's own it's an insignificant thing, something that happens all the time. But you made it a secret. Kept it from me. I don't think you ever would've told me. And that's what bothers me more than any drunk peck."
Kurt let out a little sob. He couldn't tell Blaine that what he thought was wrong. He would have loved to tell him that. But he couldn't.
Dave stood up suddenly, lurching to his feet and walking towards the door without a word or backwards glance.
Blaine watched the bigger boy go and turned to Kurt, "Does he always storm out?"
Kurt just nodded, he'd had to fight the impulse to run after the bigger boy, to bring him back, "Whenever he feels cornered and upset. It's like flight or fight with him. We should be happy he didn't break anything on his rush out." They followed the football player with their eyes and watched Dave stop and start pacing back and forth in the parking lot, hands in pockets, grumbling to himself. Kurt breathed a sigh of relief that Dave wasn't trying to drive. Maybe it was better that Dave stay outside for a minute. He needed to ask Blaine something and it was better that it was just the two of them, "Are you going to break up with me?"
The words were spoken so low that Blaine wasn't sure he'd heard them. But when he looked over to Kurt and saw that the slender boy was crying. Eyes wide open, no sniffling, just big wet tears rolling out of his eyes. Blaine spoke without thinking too much, "I dunno."
Kurt's face screwed up. He'd wanted to avoid all of this. How could this be happening? Because I messed up. Why couldn't he have just told Blaine about the kiss on Sunday? What was stopping me?
Blaine watched Kurt. He couldn't stand seeing Kurt cry. Blaine thought about Kurt's question... He let himself contemplate a life without Kurt. What would breaking up with Kurt mean? It would mean the loss of one of his pillars, his best friend. He'd lose Dave too, most likely. His closest friends at McKinley (well he would still have Rachel though. And she was a really awesome hag.). Am I ready to lose my best friends? Over what? Blaine knew what he was afraid of. He was afraid of not being wanted. Kurt made him feel so important, like the slender boy needed him around. But did Kurt really need him? Kurt was so strong, so much stronger than he even knew. Blaine swallowed hard before asking quietly, "Do you want to break up?"
Kurt took a gasping suck of air. He looked at Blaine like he'd grown another arm, or had worn polka-dots and plaid. Kurt didn't understand why he'd asked the question. "No."
Blaine let out a shaking breath and gave a small bob of the head. "Okay." He reached his hands out. Kurt let out another sob and grabbed the hands with both of his like it was a life line.
That's when Dave decided to come back inside...
Dave had been fuming in the parking lot. He hadn't been able to take listening to Kurt sob next to him. Not without either grabbing the singer and hugging him or punching someone...probably Blaine. Neither of which had been options. He'd been working himself into a state of agitation that he couldn't remember ever being in for the last five minutes. It wasn't hot and red like being angry usually was for him. It was more cold, clear and scary as shit. With this cold had come a frightening clarity. He couldn't watch Blaine rip Kurt's heart up. Even if he knew that Kurt had fucked up and that Blaine was the wronged party. He wouldn't let these two morons fuck each other up. God, when did I become the fucking martyr type? He grumbled under his breath, "Stupid girl emotional bullshit! Fucking soft as shit dumb ass mother fucker! Fuck it!"
He came back into the restaurant with a bang and walking over to the table he put a finger in Blaine's face, "He did something stupid. But so fucking what? People do stupid shit everyday. Look at me! Look at the shit I did to Kurt! I never even though he would willingly be in the same room as me ever again, even to let me apologize! But he did! He's done everything for me! I didn't deserve my second chance! But Kurt does!"
Blaine tried to interrupt, "Dave..."
Dave's gestures got more exaggerated, "I know I'm making a fucking scene! And I don't care! You two are the best friends I've ever had. And you can't let something stupid like a drunk kiss break that up! It would be fucking retarded! You're both so fucking retarded! You're boyfriends! You're best friends. And if you can't see what Kurt is and what he deserves then fuck you!"
Kurt was dumbstruck, gaping at Dave and his rant. He hadn't been expecting that. It sent a stab to his heart knowing that Dave still didn't think he deserved a second chance. Even after all these months. He'd hoped that Dave would believe that he was worthy of happiness.
Blaine touched Dave's arm. The bigger boy looked down into Blaine's brown eyes. And then realized that Blaine was grinning at him. "We're not breaking up Dave."
Dave stopped and looked down from one boy to the other. They were holding hands across the table. He had missed that on the way in. "Oh." Dave said.
"But that was quiet a speech." Blaine added.
Looking around at the shocked patrons and waiters Dave gave an apologetic bob of his head. "Sorry."
Kurt looked around at the other tables, who were giving shocked and unfriendly looks. There was the sound of a baby crying. "Maybe we should relocate?"
Dave's face was flushed red, "Can we please? Maybe there's a rock outside I can crawl under and die?"
"Let's get going." Blaine stood up and left a hefty tip. As an apology.
As they filed passed one table an old lady with her husband shook her head disapprovingly at the three of them. Kurt and Blaine ignored her and kept walking. Dave would've kept moving if he hadn't heard the whispered conversation and the one word in particular from the man, "Abomination."
Dave stopped.
The gray-haired lady looked up at him and gave him a smile as fake as her teeth probably were, "I'll pray for you."
Kurt stopped when heard that. He despised those words and the people that used them like weapons. Blaine had stopped right at the entrance.
Dave looked down at the couple. He had a lot he wanted to say, but all that ended up coming out was "Thank you? Why?"
The lady dropped her eyes from Dave's hard look. The elderly man next to her spoke, "It's never too late to ask for forgiveness. Find a nice girl. Have a family like the Lord intended."
Kurt watched the interchange and could feel his eye begin to twitch. Nu-uh, No way.
Dave was still looking at the couple. He was feeling light headed, detached, angry. "Yeah I bet your version of God would love to forgive my gay ass wouldn't he?"
Kurt took a step forward to stop Dave, but Blaine beat him to it. Blaine had been watching very carefully to Dave. This wasn't the first time he'd heard words like that from people, and he knew it wouldn't be the last. But it wasn't the hate that had held his attention it had been Dave saying he was gay out loud in public.
The shorter boy took Dave's hand and opened up the first it had made to intertwine his fingers with Dave's. He put on the most effected and effeminate accent he could manage. "You coming babe?" He put his head on Dave's shoulder and looked at the couple. More accurately he batted his eyes at the couple. "Why hello. Do you know David?"
The couple didn't answer, they seemed to be hypnotized by Blaine's hand as it lazily stroked Dave's arm.
Dave was completely bewildered at the turn of events. But watching the rising discomfort of the couple he had an evil flash in his eyes. "Yeah baby. Let's get going. This nice couple was just saying they'll pray for us."
"That's so nice! Well, Enjoy your meal!" Blaine led Dave to the front. And Kurt nearly burst out laughing. That was until they passed him and Blaine's hand shot out and slapped him right on the ass. He let out a surprised yelp and turned around to see the couple one last time. Kurt looked at their angry faces and gave them a smug smile and a little wave. "Say hi to Jesus for us." Kurt came up to Blaine and Dave outside.
Blaine looked at Kurt for a moment then over to Dave who was leaning against Kurt's car, arms crossed. They were a strange group, the three of them. Blaine never would have guessed that he would end up with these two people in his life. But here they were and he knew that he wanted to make sure that they stayed in his life.
"Warn me next time you want to go all flamboyant on me." Dave grumbled.
"Why?" Blaine said putting the voice back on, "Does it bother you?"
Kurt stifled another laugh.
"No." Dave answered, "It's just really hard to stay angry when you do that voice. You sound like that guy in The Birdcage."
"Nathan Lane?" Kurt offered.
"Yeah. That guy."
Kurt smiled "I'm impressed Dave."
Dave shrugged. "It had Robin Williams in it. Dude's funny."
"I haven't seen that movie in ages." Blaine added.
"We should have a movie night sometime." Kurt said.
Dave and Blaine both nodded. Letting the comfortableness of the situation sink in among them. Blaine wished he could've bought that couple there dinner, because it was very possible that they had inadvertently saved his friendships.
Blaine waited for another second before he said, "I need you guys to promise me something."
"What?"Dave asked.
"Anything." Kurt responded.
"No more of this suffer in silence-lying-to-save-Blaine-from-hurting crap from you two. Because weather or not I want to if you guys go all silent on me again I'm going to wonder if it's because history is repeating itself. It's in my head now."
Dave and Kurt both nodded and spoke their agreement. Blaine held out his hand out to Dave. Dave took the curly haired boys hand and dragged him into a hug. Dave gripped the smaller boy, "You get a pass this time cuz it wasn't your fault. But next time Kurt cries I'm following through on the bone breaking threat."
Blaine patted the bigger boy on the back. And said, very low so that only Dave could hear it, "Thank you for caring enough for him to protect him... and stop him."
Dave pulled away and dropped his arms. He didn't respond to what Blaine said. Maybe he hadn't heard me? But once Dave let him go Kurt had stepped in front of Blaine. Blaine thought about extending his hand again but decided against it, instead he opened his arms up and let Kurt walk into the hug. Kurt buried his face in Blaine's shoulders and whispered in his ear, "I'm never saying goodbye to you."
That's when Blaine finally had to blink back tears. They'd snuck up on him. He held Kurt tighter. Boyfriends, best friends. Did it matter what he and Kurt were, as long as they had each other? Dave drifted back into Blaine's view from over Kurt's shoulder. That far-off stare that Dave had sometimes was back. As soon as Dave noticed that Blaine was looking at him he gave Blaine a smile. Blaine was sure that Dave had meant for it to be comforting but it wasn't, it was a broken smile. Dave had gone home soon after, saying he didn't really feel like eating out anymore.
Kurt had tried to get Dave to stay with them, to come back and watch the movie at least. But he'd just shaken his head. He had put a hand on Kurt's shoulder, "Chill out Fancy. I'm fine. I just want to go home and shoot some zombies. Decompress. I'll call you tomorrow or something. Okay?"
Kurt had finally let him go. As they watched him pull off Kurt had talked Blaine into staying over in the guest room for the night. Blaine hadn't really wanted to drive home anyway. Carol had ordered pizza for them when they got home. They had sat in Kurt's room watching movies, mostly in silence. They had made it through but now that they were alone together they were both fragile and tentative. Kurt had finally taken Blaine's hand and held it. Blaine knew that Kurt did this when he wanted comfort, when he wanted to feel connected to another person.
"You mean the world to me." Kurt spoke into the room. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know."
Blaine had held his hand until it was they were ready to go to bed. After that little exchange they hadn't talked much more, Blaine knew that Kurt was working through his own thoughts as was he. Blaine had one image in particular that he was thinking about. That smile Dave had given him while he was hugging Kurt. Something about it had deeply bothered Blaine, like he'd missed something important somehow. He wasn't sure why he had become so obsessed at finding a name for it, but it was taking up a great deal of his thoughts. All he'd been able to finally figure out that it wasn't the smile that bothered him, it was the feeling he'd gotten when he'd seen it. But now he couldn't think of the word for the way he felt about it either. Blaine had finally fallen asleep in Kurt's guest bedroom at 3am without a satisfactory answer. Maybe tomorrow...
Dave had driven straight home and gone up to his room. His mom had come up a few minutes later to knock lightly, poking her head in to ask if everything was alright.
"I'm fine. I don't wanna talk about it."
She gave him a sad smile, "Okay David. But if you need to. I'm here."
"I know. Thanks mom."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
When she left Dave had sat in his room, thinking. Or trying not to think. He stood up and paced around before turning on his computer. He needed music, something loud and angry, something to shut his brain up. All he could think about was what Blaine had said to him when they hugged. Thank you for caring enough for him to protect him... and stop him. He'd thought it before but at that moment, he knew that he was the third wheel on Kurt and Blaine's big gay bicycle. And he wasn't even a useful spare third wheel, he was a fucking flat third wheel. Half-out/half-in the closet.
He thought about the couple in the resturant. How easy it had been to say he was gay to them. Why couldn't he do that all the time? How could he be so worried about what a bunch of dumb-fucks in school thought about him when he'd very nearly lost the people that had probably kept him from ending up in prison or killing himself? I was on my way to becoming a statistic...
It had been Dave's issues that had made Kurt sneak, tiptoe and walk on eggshells for months. It had wrapped them up together in this secret little world. A place that even Blaine hadn't been wholly welcome. Had that made Kurt kiss him? This weird thing that he had created because he'd been so scared? Kurt deserved to spend time with people like Blaine. People that could be out and courageous and all that shit. And people were still figuring Dave out anyway, his secrets were like sand through fingers. It was never going to last forever. He knew that Blaine had picked that restaurant to make sure that Dave wouldn't be worrying about people they knew over hearing them. Was that why he had been able to face down that old couple? It had felt good. And the way that Kurt had looked at him after... He'd promised Blaine no more of this suffer in silence crap hadn't he? What did that even fucking mean? What could Dave do to prove that he could make good? He caught sight of himself the reflection of his TV. He stopped pacing and looked at the murky outline of this shape in the black screen.
He made a fist and put his hand through his wall.
Dave looked at the hole around his wrist. Huh, that hadn't hurt nearly as much as I'd expected. He tried to pull his hand out. But it didn't budge. Dave made a face, thinking what his mom would say if he had to call her up to his room to get his hand out of the wall. She'll freak out.
Dave pulled again and this time there was a little give. He kept pulling, very slowly, until his hand came out of the wall. It was covered in white plaster dust and his knuckles were cut and bleeding. He looked down at his hand, finally trying to open and close it. He could, but it hurt like a bitch. Very effective way to deal with your life Dave. He knew it had been a stupid thing to do. He could have hit a beam just as easily and broken his hand. Football next year could've been toast. Just because he'd lost his temper.
Stop being such a melodramatic dumbass. He smiled since those words had sounded to him like Kurt's voice. Kurt would've probably said it different though like stop being a drama llama or something. As he watched the blood ooze out of the gouges in his knuckles it came to him. It was time. No more hiding. Santana's going to be pissed. But really, everyone that really mattered already knew.
Going back over to his computer he opened up facebook and went to his preferences. There, all done. He let out a deep sigh and pressed save. That was that. It was a small step but fuck it. If he could deal with a couple of old jackasses in a random restaurant he could do this. He felt a little sad knowing that he was losing the secret that had brought him and Kurt together in the first place. But this had to happen. It was the only way to move forward now. Wonder what people will say on Monday? He was surprised to realize that he really didn't fucking care. "Cool."
Dave went into his bathroom and ran his hand under the water. Thinking that if he moved one of his posters his parents would never know about the hole in the wall. Maybe.
