A/N: More bonding time for our boys now. I always love writing these kinds of chapters because they're just too much fun. :D At the time of posting this Avengers is finally being released in the US, so for all those US readers who plan to check it out in the next little while, have fun... which I'm pretty sure you will.
Thanks again for reading and comments/feedback is always appreciated.
Chapter TWELVE
Steve took a sip of his glass of milk and wandered idly down one of the many corridors of the Avenger's Tower. He'd finished training for the morning and was at a bit of a loss as to what to do next. Things had been quiet on the Avenger's front for a couple of days now and he was getting restless. The sound of muffled noises had him heading towards the media room. He walked into the room and found Thor standing in front of the giant flat screen TV which took up half the wall. The blonde man had a frown on his face as he seemed to be looking for something on the TV unit.
Steve came to stand beside him. "What are you doing?"
"Pepper suggested I should spend some time watching the images from this wondrous box," said Thor. "The maiden did think such a thing would help me to understand this strange new world."
Steve nodded. "That's a good idea." He looked him up and down. "You know, people generally sit when they're watching TV."
"I wish to change the image."
"Why don't you use the remote?"
"I do not believe that to be an option, Steve Rogers."
"Why, did you lose it?" Thor gave him a sideways look and Steve's lips quirked. "You broke it, didn't you?"
"It is not my fault that everything in this realm is made for those with dainty hands," he grumbled. "I am an Asgardian, our craftsmen know how to make things properly."
Steve chuckled. "Make sure when you tell Stark about this, that you use the bit about dainty hands, won't you?" He looked back at the screen. "What were you watching before the remote broke?"
"A talking deer who promised me the sweetest of meads which would make me irresistible to all maidens," said Thor thoughtfully.
"You mean like a beer commercial?"
"What is this word, this commercial?"
"It's something people put on TV during regular shows so you will buy their stuff," Steve explained.
"Hm," Thor pondered, "a talking deer would be an object of great interest."
"Actually, Thor, I don't think there is any such thing as a talking deer."
Thor scratched his beard and looked pensive. "Are you sure, Steve Rogers?"
Steve thought about all the impossible things he'd seen in this century he'd been woken up in and grimaced. "No, not really." Sometimes Steve could really identify with Thor, they were both trying to work this world out with varying degrees of success.
They turned their attention back to the big screen in time to see a young, well-muscled man holding a pizza box ringing a doorbell. "I wouldn't mind some pizza right now," Steve mused idly, thinking back to the all the pies he and Bucky had shared before the war. They were good times, good, uncomplicated times.
Back on the TV screen, the door was opened by two incredibly well-endowed blonde women in the skimpiest of outfits which barely covered said assets. Steve blinked. Women sure did dress differently in this century. If a girl had been seen in public like that, she'd have started a riot and been arrested. The two girls with dark tans were whispering in each other's ears and giggling at the pizza boy who had the beginnings of a smirk. They dragged him into the house and promptly started to strip his clothes off.
Thor looked confused. "This pizza of yours is very strange, Steve Rogers. Why do these Valkyrie accost the young warrior? There was no provocation on his behalf. He seemed only to be bearing gifts."
The man in question was suddenly naked and the next shot on screen left no doubt in mind Steve's mind that the guy was enjoying this turn of events. His eyes went wide as he realised what this was as the two women tearing their tops off. Breasts Steve had never seen the like of before, bounced out, ignoring all effects gravity attempted to have on them. Both he and Thor quickly turned around, putting their backs to the confronting images. Steve had heard of these kinds of things before, where a certain type of film could be bought off the black market for stag nights, but he'd never seen any for himself. Behind them the sound of moaning and sucking could be heard. Steve and Thor exchanged mortified looks.
As luck would have it, Tony chose that exact moment to walk into the room. Tony paused briefly, taking in how he and Thor were standing with their backs to the TV. Tony then looked at the screen where the embarrassing noises were getting louder. He didn't miss a beat. "Word to the wise, fellas," Tony commented as he continued walking, "if you're trying to watch porn, you're doing it wrong." He stopped by his desk and picked up a clear, glass tablet, starting to tap away at the screen.
The groans of ecstasy behind them were growing ever louder.
Thor scowled at him, clearly unsettled. "You enjoy partaking in viewing such debauchery, Tony Stark?"
Tony looked up briefly from his tablet. "I watch TV to escape real life, not to re-live it." He waggled a finger between the two of them. "And you'll notice I'm not even questioning why the two of you are in here attempting to watch porn together."
Steve fought hard not to blush, not wanting to give the other man any more ammunition. "We can't turn it off," he said tersely.
"Clap once to turn it off, twice to turn it on" Tony instructed him. His lips twitched. "That is if you're hands aren't too busy, of course."
Steve immediately clapped once and to his great relief the noises behind him stopped. He glared at Tony. "I wouldn't be caught dead watching that kind of thing."
"The trick is not to get caught at all," said Tony in amusement. "And don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It'll be our little secret."
Bruce walked in to the room and didn't look too happy.
"I just caught Boy Band and Boy Scout watching porn together," Tony announced with great glee to the other man before Bruce could say a word.
Steve gave him a frustrated look. "No, we weren't, and you just said you wouldn't tell anyone."
Tony pulled a mock regretful face. "Sorry, Cap, it just came up in conversation naturally."
Thor sighed heavily. "I miss Asgard."
"I miss being frozen in the ice," said Steve dourly.
Bruce shook his head. "I don't know what you're all talking about and I don't care." He fixed Tony with an accusatory look. "Did the other guy almost kill Pepper yesterday?" he asked, clearly agitated.
Tony grimaced. "There were a few tense seconds, but it turned out okay."
Bruce's eyes went wide, looking like he was going to be sick. "I told you it was a bad idea!" he yelled at Tony. "We're never going to do that again!"
Tony held up a calming hand. "Okay, calm down, B, you're starting to go a little green around the edges."
A muscle in Bruce's jaw ticked. "How can you not care that I almost killed Pepper?" he bit out.
"Hey!" said Tony, getting angry now as well. "Don't you ever say that to me again, Banner. There are no words to describe how much I care about Pepper's welfare, what I'd do to make sure she was safe!"
"You have a funny way of showing it," said Bruce tightly.
"You can't think I'd honestly put Pepper in harm's way intentionally?" asked Tony in disbelief.
Bruce's reply was sharp. "I think you don't think."
"Tis enough quarrelling," Thor ordered them. "We are comrades in arms, we must begin to act as such." He stepped forward and looked like he had more to say on the subject but in the process stood on the broken remote. In one last act of service, the device turned the TV on again and the room was treated to a very large viewing of some rather graphic images and cries of delirium.
Bruce started in surprise, taking in the images. "Whoa, you guys really were watching porn," he said in disbelief, distracted from his ire.
"No, we weren't," said Steve in horror and clapped his hands together quickly, but he did it too fast and he turned it off and on and again. The images were even more graphic now which Steve hadn't believed possible.
"Just clap once," Tony instructed him. "I swear, I could train a dung beetle faster." He went to clap his hands but Steve was already doing it so the TV was turned on and off again.
"Thou are doing it wrong," said Thor and joined in the clapping just as Tony and Steve both tried to turn the TV off. At one point all four men were clapping and the TV was flicking on and off at a frightening rate.
"Everyone stop clapping!" Tony yelled at them in exasperation.
Everyone did as he asked and Tony gave one final clap and the TV was finally off.
Bruce looked around the room at the others now that that it was over. "Well," he said straight-faced, "let's hope the super villains of the world don't hear about this little debacle."
"I say we never speak of this again," said Tony.
"I am in agreement."
"Absolutely."
"This never happened."
Tony's face brightened. "Hey, look at that. That's the first time we've all agreed on something."
Steve pulled a face. "Pity we can't tell anyone."
Tony gave a philosophical shrug. "You take the good with the bad." He walked over to the wall and pulled out a panel to which a string of complicated wiring was attached. Tony disconnected a back board and walked over to his desk with it.
"Are you still working on Jarvis?" asked Bruce in exasperation as he watched Tony start to pull at some wires. "How long does it take?"
"I have to keep stopping to help Dumb and Dumber here work out technology or clean up after them," said Tony, nodding at Steve and Thor. "And don't think I didn't notice the state of my remote."
"It was ill-made," said Thor unapologetically.
"You break one more thing of mine today and you're going in a time out," Tony warned him as he spread out the circuitry on his work bench.
"I feel like I should apologise to Pepper," said Bruce unhappily.
"Don't worry, Bruce," Steve reassured him. "Pepper had the Hulk eating out of the palm of her hand."
"Really?" asked Bruce in surprise.
"Tis true, Bruce Banner," Thor confirmed. "The maiden commanded the beast and he followed."
Bruce looked taken aback. "That's only ever happened with Betty."
Tony gave him a sharp look. "The big guy can tell Pepper and Betty apart, right? I don't want there to be any cases of mistaken identity because I'm telling you now, I'm not going to be happy if Kermit puts the moves on my girl."
Bruce gave him an exasperated look. "Don't be ridiculous, Tony, but this makes my point that it's too dangerous to train the Hulk."
"No," Tony argued, "it makes my point that the Hulk can listen to reason and be directed."
Bruce frowned and looked uncertain.
"Just admit I'm right and then we can all move on," Tony encouraged him. "You know you want to."
"For once Tony Stark makes a sound argument," said Thor. "I saw with my own eyes that your beast can be calmed, Bruce Banner. Thou should not give up on him."
Bruce grimaced. "I'll think about it."
Tony grinned, clearly taking that as a victory. "Great, then that's settled."
"I'm not doing it unless Pepper gives the go ahead and she isn't in the building," Bruce warned him.
Tony nodded blithely. "Goes without saying."
"Where is Pepper?" Steve asked.
Tony checked his watch. "She should be strapping into the private yet on the way to Washington right about now. There is some kind of stockholders thing. She won't be back until tomorrow." He looked at Bruce. "Plenty of time to get another go round in."
"I'm still thinking about it," Bruce warned him. "Don't push me."
Tony threw him a coquettish look. "I love it when you play hard to get."
oooOOOOooo
Happy's lungs were fit to burst as he pounded up the internal stairwell of the Avenger's Tower. They led to the service elevator of the building and he knew that it was a quicker route to the media room where Jarvis had told him Tony was. Why didn't the man keep his damn phone on him all the time? Then he wouldn't be risking a heart attack to try and get to him. Happy was finally at the service elevator, he jumped in and pressed the button of where he needed to go and then doubled over, hands on knees as he wheezed for his next breath. He looked up at the rapidly increasing numbers on the elevator display and blinked the sweat out of his eyes. Happy willed the numbers to go faster, knowing that lives were at stake if he didn't get there in timeā¦
