Disclaimer - I do not own the Mighty Boosh, this is just for fun!

Chapter 12

Howard was seriously cursing Naboo for taking off in the middle of the night to fix his sodding carpet. If only he were here, none of this would be happening.

The flat wouldn't be exploding with uninvited houseguests. All the food in the house would still be there. And all of the things which were getting broken would be magically fixed.

But the fact of the matter was that Naboo wasn't there. And here they were, stuck in this absolute chaos. People swarming out of every corner and music blaring from every speaker. The walls seemed to be closing in around them.

"Vince, don't you think this is all getting a bit too crazy...? ... Vince?"

He looked around anxiously, but his friend was lost amidst a crowd of strangers.

xXx

Vince was trying to enjoy the madness of the spontaneous house party, but he was still feeling deeply disturbed by the events of the evening. He had to find Banoo and talk to her. He wanted to get her alone somehow, without dragging Howard into the situation.

He managed to give the older man the slip as they were surrounded by groupies in the living room. He hated to leave him there in all the craziness, but it was for his own good. Banoo was like a loaded gun just waiting to go off, and he certainly didn't want Howard to be anywhere near the vicinity when that happened. No, he would try and sort it out himself.

Sure enough, he found Banoo sat in his bedroom, chatting to a big group of guys. She was laughing wickedly, flexing her shapely legs teasingly as she flirted with anyone who would give her any attention. She looked up and caught Vince's eye, holding his gaze like a hungry tiger who had just spotted fresh prey.

"Alright lads, can ya give me and Vincey boy some privacy for a bit?"

Her entourage obediantly filed out of the room closing the door behind them. Vince noticed that she seemed to have some kind of magic power over people. Everyone always seemed to do whatever she wanted them to. Maybe it was the shaman blood in her.

As soon as the room emptied, the tiny firecracker sauntered up to Vince and threw her arms around his neck. Her eyes still looked wild, her pupils like tiny black stones gleaming from her huge whitened irises.

"I knew ya'd come and find me..." she whispered. "I know ya want me Vince..."

She started to draw her face closer, her lips puckering up for a kiss. Vince wriggled out of her grasp.

"Banoo, what the hell is goin' on with you?"

She looked stunned. No one turned her down. Ever.

"What d'ya mean?" she snapped. "I thought you liked me!"

She looked like a little girl as she pouted in disappointment. Vince softened ever so slightly. "I do like you Banoo, but... you're scarin' me. What was that weird Unicorn stuff all about?"

Her eyes lit up hungrily. "Oh, you want some U? I got some left over, let me get my bag..."

Vince grabbed her shoulders to stop her racing off. "U? What the heck is that?"

"I already told you... it's Unicorn Horn. And it's the greatest fing you will eva experience, trust me."

Vince thought back to the weird glowing shell from earlier. "Unicorn Horns? Why have you got them? Where did they come from."

Banoo freed herself from Vince's grasp and plonked herself on his bed, resigned to the fact she would have to sit and explain things to him.

"Look, I weren't being entirely honest about the reason I got kicked out me last place..."

"Naboo told me it was coz you were having loud parties or somethin'?" If Banoo's parties were anything like the one she had organised tonight then it was no wonder her neighbours had complained.

"Well yeah, that was partly it. But well, not really..."

"What d'ya mean?"

"Well, some of me housemates were Unicorn Poachers. And yeah, it's not exactly one hundred percent legal... And I fink people was getting suspicious, someone tipped off the police about our parties and we almost got busted... We figured it was better just to get out while the goin' was good. Plus the landlord kinda heard the rumour and went mad, said he didn't want any of us under his roof, yadda yadda. He needed a good fix if you ask me, then he would've changed his tune."

Vince processed all of this, not really sure what to say. Banoo sighed and carried on.

"Anyways, that's how I ended up here. But the point is... You ain't lived til you've tried U! All the unicorns live out in the enchanted forests way up North, and their horns are just pure concentrated magic. You only need a tiny bit and you'll feel like the happiest person alive. All your worries'n'cares will just disappear. It's absolutely amazing. AMAZING!" She laughed hysterically, and began to dance around the room. "I was so down after I got my shaman powers taken away...I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I had nothing. But U saved my life. Man, it SAVED me."

She danced right up to Vince, sticking out her chest as seductively as possible.

"Come take a trip with me Vincey... We can leave this reality behind. Forget all our troubles. Together."

Vince wanted to get out of there. As soon as humanly possible. As much as he liked to believe he was a man of the world, he was getting way, WAY out of his depth.

"I don't have any troubles Banoo. I'm happy where I am thanks."

"Are you sure?" she questioned. "I've seen the way you look at your mate. That look in your eyes whenever you're with him."

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"He don't love you Vince. He's just leading you on. He's just some boring old git, he's not right for you. You need to be with someone fun. Exciting." She weaved her small hands into his black mane. "Someone like me."

Vince pushed her away forcefully. "I...I have to go."

He yanked open the door and rushed out of the room, nearly knocking over a blonde, busty girl in the doorway on the way out. He didn't stop to apologise, he kept on walking as quickly as his legs would carry him.

The blonde girl stared curiously at Banoo.

"What's goin' on?"

They were friends. And Banoo did plenty for her friends, so it was about time one of them returned the favour.

xXx

Howard had been searching the flat for Vince for the past ten minutes, but he still couldn't find him anywhere.

The bedroom door was locked. Had he been in there?

Had he been in there... with her?

He thought he caught a glimpse of Vince's silver suit coming out of the bedroom and shimmering down the corridor.

"Hey, Vince?"

The glint of silver disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door.

xXx

'Ere, Jem. Can I ask you a favour?

Sure?

Can you snog Howard for me?

...Who's Howard?

You know, from the band.

The hot one with the long dark hair?

No... that's Vince. Soz babes, that one's mine.

Ew, so you want me to snog the other one? Why?

Look, would ya just do it?

But he's ugly.

Yeah I know... but I'll make it worth ya while... if you catch my drift...

...You got U on ya?

Shh. Yes. And it's a bloody good batch too.

Alright, fine. I'll snog 'im.

Make sure Vince is watchin' yeah?

Err why?

Stop askin' questions and jus' do it.

K, whatevs.

xXx