January 1898
Lily and Race sat together the next Sunday, combining and counting their money so Race could make a payment to Morello.
"Eighty-six cents," Race sighed.
Lily rested her face in her hands, rubbing her eyes from a long week of working.
"How are we going to do this?" she asked. "We still need thirty-nine more cents to make up for last week."
"I'll get it," said Race. "I will."
Lily sighed. "How? We've borrowed from almost all our friends," she said, looking at the list they kept. "And we haven't been able to pay any of them back." She bit her lip. "We may not have a choice," she whispered.
"No," said Race, shaking his head and looking at her. "I'm not putting you through that."
"Morello said—"
"I know, but you're not going there. I'm not going to let him put you in a brothel to pay off my debt on your own."
"Well then how are we going to make 39 cents in," she looked at the clock, "twelve hours?"
"I will," Race said, resolutely. "I will."
The next morning, Lily sold papes with Baby. Baby could tell Lily was distracted by something.
"Everything okay?" Baby asked Lily as they sold their last of the morning edition.
"Yeah," Lily sighed as they walked to Tibby's.
"Liar," Baby nudged Lily.
Lily gave a small, wry smile. "It's a long story."
"We got time before the afternoon edition gets out," she said, walking toward the door of Tibby's.
"Actually, I was going to get a few more papes to sell," Lily gestured in the direction of the circulation office.
"Okay, what is going on?" asked Baby. "It took us forever to sell our first stack, and now you're going back for more? You won't be able to sell any."
Lily knew Baby was right. She chewed on her lip as she followed Baby into Tibby's. They got and table and sat down to wait for the boys.
"Baby, if Jack were in trouble – real trouble – what lengths would you go to keep him safe?" she asked.
Baby furrowed her brow, thinking it an odd question, but answered anyway. "I'd do whatever it took."
"What if it meant…hurting yourself? Or doing something he'd hate for you to do, just to make him safe?" Lily asked.
"What the— Lily, what is going on?" Baby asked, leaning in. "I'm really worried now."
Lily sighed. "If I tell you, you can't breathe a word to anyone."
Baby nodded. Lily told her the whole story – Race's debt, the botched robbery, why they were put in the refuge and orphanage, and the current deal with Morello.
Baby sat back in her chair when Lily finished the story. "Wow."
"As of last night we were thirty-nine cents short," she said. "I don't know if Race got it this morning. Honestly, every minute he's not with me scares me that he's off in an alley somewhere dying."
"So what was with all those questions earlier?" asked Baby.
Lily sighed. "I'm wondering if it would be worth it just to…take care of it, you know? Go to Morello myself. It'll only be a month, and then Race and I can move on."
"You think it's something you'd regret doing?" Baby asked.
"Probably," said Lily. "But I need to weigh it against the fact that Race and I are going to be under this guy's thumb for a year. We can hardly eat because we have to save so much. We can't go on like this." Lily looked down at her hands. "I just don't want Race to hate me for doing it."
"What are things like between you two?"
Lily shrugged. "We're friends."
"Only? Still?" Lily nodded. "Have you talked to Ellie?"
Lily shook her head. "She'd kill Race if she knew about that part." She sighed. "What would you do?"
Baby thought for a moment. "I don't know. I really don't. On the one hand, I'd do anything to keep Jack safe, but part of me would be afraid Jack would think I was…ruined for doing it."
"That's what I'm afraid of," said Lily. "But at the same time, he only thinks of me as a friend, so I don't think I have to worry about that."
Race rounded the corner and saw Lily sitting on the stoop of his lodging house.
"I thought you'd be at Tibby's," said Race.
Lily's head snapped up when she heard his voice. She sprang up and ran to him hugging him. "Thank God, I've been so worried," said Lily. "I kept thinking you'd gone back to Morello short of money and you were lying in an alley somewhere bleeding to death or getting tossed into the East River."
"I'm okay," said Race, holding her close. "I got the money. I made the payment. We're okay for another week."
Lily sighed and pulled back a bit to look at him. "Another week." She stepped back, out of his arms. She slowly walked back to the stoop and sat down. Race followed her and sat beside her.
"I don't think we have a choice anymore," said Lily. "We can't keep this up for another nine months."
Race shook his head. "No, absolutely not," he said. "I'm not going to let you go through that."
The tears streamed down Lily's cheeks. Race pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. Lily cried into his shoulder as he rested his cheek against her head.
Lily pulled back and looked at him. "I want this whole mess to be over. I'm going to Morello in the morning."
Race shook his head. "Lily, please don't," he said.
"What choice do we have?"
"I will find a way," he said. "I will make it work. I will find more work. I will do whatever it takes."
"You can't," said Lily. "It's been nearly three months, and we haven't even been able to come up with all the money ourselves. By the time the year is out, we'll owe our friends as much as we owe Morello." She bit her lip. "And every Monday morning you have another black eye from those guys."
"Lil, I don't ever want you to go through that. And knowing it would be because of me that you were doing it…I couldn't live with myself."
"But if I did…would you hate me?"
Race wiped her tears away. "Lily, I could never hate you. This problem shouldn't even be yours to fix. It should be mine."
"But it's not."
"I know," said Race. "So…you're not gonna go to Morello, right? You're gonna stay here with me?"
Lily bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah, I'll stay," although she knew it was a lie.
They stayed in silence for a few minutes. By the time to sun began to set, Lily's mind was made up.
"Come on, I'll walk you home," Race said softly.
Lily nodded and they stood up.
About halfway there, Race took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. Lily looked down at their hands and then up at him. Race looked over at her.
"I don't know where I'd be without you, Lily."
"Probably laying in a ditch somewhere," she smirked.
Race chuckled and stopped walking. "I'm serious, though. You've been here with me through everything. And I hate myself for getting you involved."
"Don't. Even if you didn't get me involved, I would've involved myself. I couldn't let you do something like this alone."
Race grinned. "That's what makes you so great."
Lily grinned back and Race stepped in and hugged her. She rested her head on his shoulder, neither one of them letting go, neither of them wanting to. Lily closed her eyes, loving being so close to Race. The comforting weight of his arms around her, the feel of his shirt against her cheek, feeling his chest rise and fall with his breathing against hers.
Race rested his head against hers. When he held her, he felt like everything was going to be okay; that no matter what happened, they would be together and that was all that mattered. He felt her rest her head against his shoulder, her forehead against his neck.
Race rested his check against hers, his lips right by her ear. "I think I'm in love with you, Lil."
Lily bit her lip, tears of joy and pain coming to her eyes.
"I love you too, Race," she said. Race held her tighter and Lily closed her eyes.
Church bells rang in the distance.
"It's getting late," Race said, though he made no move.
"I don't want to go home." Lily rested her head on his shoulder.
"We could go to Medda's…she's always open late," said Race. Lily nodded. Race pulled back and took her hand as they walked to Medda's.
They sat in the back of the warm theater. Lily's head was resting on Race's shoulder, and Race's arm was around Lily. His other hand held one of hers.
They didn't say anything. They didn't need to.
Lily felt safe in Race's arms. Despite all the trouble he'd brought to her life, she always felt safe with him. But she knew that if something didn't change, he wouldn't be with her for long. She loved him more than anything and knew there was only one way to ensure he would be safe forever.
Lily looked up at him. "I've loved you for a long time."
"Why didn't you ever say something?"
Lily shrugged. "I figured you just thought of me as one of the guys."
Race shook his head. "I always knew you were the one for me."
Lily rolled her eyes and smirked. "Always?"
"Okay, maybe not that long," he chuckled. "But for a while."
"Why didn't you say something?"
Race looked forward and paused. "I knew I didn't deserve you."
Lily lifted her head off his shoulder and looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"Look at this mess we're in." He looked at her. "I caused it. I caused it and I dragged you into it. A guy like me has no business having a girl like you."
Lily looked at him for a few moments before she leaned in a kissed him.
Race rested his forehead against hers. "You're a good guy," said Lily. "The best I know."
Later that night, Race walked her back home.
"I'll see you in the morning," said Race.
Lily felt her throat tighten knowing it wasn't true. She would be long gone by the time he'd be looking for her. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Lily stood on her toes and kissed him one last time. Nothing else mattered – not Morello, not their debt, not their impending fates – all that mattered was they were together. For now.
