Chapter 12

Ennis returned home from work later than usual on Saturday evening. He felt like stopping for a beer, so he'd passed some time at Bodie Mike's, out on the patio watching the world go by and drinking his brew. After that he'd stopped at the market to buy a six pack of Coors. He remembered he only had one bottle left in his refrigerator, and he was in the mood for more than that. It hadn't been the best day he'd ever spent.

He'd also stopped at the Tioga Gas Mart at the bottom of his turn to get pizza to take home for his supper. The Whoa Nellie Deli inside the establishment served up some tasty sandwiches too, and he often grabbed a quick bite on his way home so he wouldn't have to cook.

When he opened his trailer door the hot air hit him like an oven. He quickly stepped inside and turned on the air conditioner and pushed a couple of the curtains apart. He barely had time to open himself a beer and take a few gulps when he noticed movement outside the barracks. He bent over near the window to get a better look and saw Liz and Alma talking. He guessed they'd gotten home from their date, or whatever it was. It seemed like they were having some kind of serious discussion. They were facing each other, and their body language indicated that maybe they were having a disagreement. After a short time Liz hugged Alma, and then Alma headed toward his place.

Ennis sighed. What the hell does she want?

He tried to look pleasant when he opened the door to the sound of her knock, but he felt anything but. He hoped he wouldn't be subjected to a blow by blow description of their outing.

He looked down at her standing at the bottom of the steps. "Hi, Alma," he said, his voice barely projecting. He wondered if she could even hear him.

"Hi," she said, smiling weakly.

She didn't look herself. Ennis wondered what was bothering her and couldn't imagine why she looked so upset. Before he could react, she glanced up at him with worried eyes. "Can we talk for a few minutes? I won't keep you long."

Her eyes were shifting about, and it seemed like she couldn't stand still, leaning from foot to foot.

"Uh, how 'bout we sit out here in these chairs?" He joined her at the bottom of the steps. "Sit down and relax. Maybe you'd like some water."

"That might be nice," she said in a tiny voice.

Ennis hurried to get her a glass of water and poured one for himself too. She was making him nervous. The whole situation was confusing. He returned with the water, handing her a glass and sitting down with his own. She took a sip. He hoped that she'd finally get to the point of the visit.

"Ennis, as you know, Jack switched his day off so he could go out with Liz, me, and Gavin today." She took another drink.

"Yeah, I heard about that," Ennis said.

"We all went horseback riding and to lunch."

"Oh, did you have a good time?"

"Yes, it was really fun...Ennis, I really like you and even though we haven't known each other that long, I think I've gotten to know you some."

Ennis took a deep breath. He felt as nervous as Alma looked, but forced himself to talk so she'd maybe feel more comfortable. "Well, I like you too, Alma." He took a drink from his glass. "It's been real nice having you here as part of the team this summer."

"Thank-you. I really like it here and I love the job."

"What's bothering you? Go ahead, you can tell me." He started to think there must be a problem at work, maybe with Liz.

"Like I said, I like you, Ennis...and at first I thought maybe we could have some fun this summer, you know, go out together and things."

"I'm sorry..." Ennis started, but Alma didn't let him finish.

"It became obvious to me pretty fast that you have eyes for someone else," she said.

Ennis was really confused by this time, and then he became terrified. What is she talking about...who is she talking about?

He tried not to tremble, but when Alma reached over and placed her hand on his, he knew she'd noticed his hands shaking. She leaned forward and softly said, "Ennis, I think it's Jack who's caught your eye."

Ennis was sure that the blood had drained from his face. His heart pounded. He felt like he might pass out. He pulled his hand away and took a drink. He tried to speak but all that came out was a stammer.

Alma reached for his arm this time, as if trying to steady him. "It's okay, Ennis. Don't say anything, just listen. I wanted to tell you that if it is Jack that you're interested in, I suggest you do something about it, because someone else is pursuing him. I'm sure you know I mean Gavin."

Ennis felt like all he could do was stare. He couldn't speak even if he'd wanted to.

"The thing is, I think that Jack is attracted to you too...so, if you were to give him just a little encouragement...well I doubt that Gavin would stand a chance."

Alma stood up and set her glass down on the chair. Ennis did the same. "Well, I just wanted you to know. I sure hope you're not offended that I butted in. I'll say it again, I really like you, and just want to help...I hope I haven't put my foot in my mouth."

"Thanks for stopping by, Alma," Ennis said.

"Okay, well, I'll see you later then."

Alma walked away, and Ennis stood there in stunned silence. He was so miserable that he felt like moaning out loud. He never in a million years expected his summer to turn out this way. His life was spiraling out of control, and he had no idea what to do about it.

...

Early Sunday morning, the harsh sound of the alarm clock jarred Ennis awake. Ah, shit! He put his hands over his face. I need something pleasant to wake up to instead of that piercing racket. He took his hands away, stared up at the ceiling and laughed out loud. You need a new alarm clock, Ennis, so just get that other thought out of your mind, and fast. He sat up on the edge of the bed. But it sure would be nice to have a warm body lying next to you to wake you up properly. He let out a long sigh. Damn, I'm still half asleep and don't know what I'm thinking. I know one thing; I sure as hell shouldn't have drank that much beer last night, not without food anyway.

After Alma had left he was too upset to eat much, so he'd barely nibbled on his pizza. Some food might make him feel better now. Hot coffee and cold pizza...that sounds like a winning combination. On second thought, he decided to have his usual bowl of cereal, and would take the pizza to work for lunch.

Lunch...I hope I'll be able to get the hell outta there after lunch to go check campgrounds. No reason I shouldn't be able to. Don, Jack, Clark, Rob, and April are in today. Thank God Alma and Liz aren't due in. I don't wanna face either of them just yet. It's pretty obvious that Alma and Liz were brainstormin' last night before Alma came over here poking her nose where it doesn't belong. I wonder if they told Rob and April their crazy ideas. Shit, I hope not.

Ennis poured his coffee, and then his cereal. As he tried to eat, he attempted to clear his mind, but so many thoughts cluttered his brain that it was impossible. He couldn't figure out what the hell had gone wrong. Never before had he been in such a predicament, not even back when he and Gavin...when he and Gavin what? When they'd had their brief fling? They'd kept it low key and no one was the wiser, all except K.E. of course, and then there was Don.

K.E. had blown a gasket when Ennis had tried to talk to him about his confused state of mind. Ennis had been a total moron for thinking he could tell K.E. anything of a personal nature. He'd barely gotten any words out at all when K.E. had cut him off and passed judgement, and it didn't take much snooping around for him to find out just who the guy was who had poisoned Ennis and taken him down the path to sin. He'd ordered Ennis - in no uncertain terms - to end it and to find a girl to fuck, and Ennis did what was expected of him. Hell, he didn't want to be gay any more than his brother not wanting him to be. He wasn't in love with Gavin so that made it easier to end it. He broke it off despite Gavin's persuasive arguments...and argue they did, and that's why Gavin still held a grudge.

After the fiasco with K.E., Ennis had no intention of telling another living soul, but one thing led to another and finally Ennis had confided in Don. Don was everything that K.E. was not, a godsend for Ennis. Even though Ennis was mortified when he'd told the truth to Don, and he still wasn't totally comfortable, he knew he could count on his friend through thick and thin.

Now this summer all hell was breaking loose. It's all Jack Twist's fault. Waltzing in here sexy as hell, getting me to wanna be with him, care about him, dream of him, fall for him...No, it's not Jack's fault. He can't help it that I can't stop thinking about him. He didn't do anything, he's just Jack, a man I need and want.

It's Alma's fault really. She should have minded her own business. Kept her mouth shut. Now she'll probably be spillin' the beans to every last person at work. Everyone's gonna know all because of her. Alma...she was sweet and caring, seemed real compassionate last night when she said all those things. Maybe she won't say anything to anyone. Maybe she can keep a secret. Shoulda asked her not to say anything.

Ennis chased his cereal around with his spoon. He didn't really feel like eating any more of it.

All this is really K.E.'s fault. Why couldn't he have just tried to be reasonable? He didn't have to like it or understand it, but why couldn't he have accepted me as I am?

He swirled the last of his coffee around in the bottom of his mug and just stared at it.

This is my fault. I should have resisted Gavin harder. Shoulda never let him touch me, then I wouldn't know how much I crave it...how much I need it...Shit, shit, shit!

This is really all my dad's fault. Yeah, that's who's to blame...

Tears welled up in Ennis' eyes. He felt like a monster to blame a dead man.

It took Ennis extra time to pull himself together. He was disgusted with himself when he had to admit that he'd be late to work, especially when he was the one who was supposed to open. It greatly troubled him that he'd worked himself up into such a state that it was affecting his job. Clark had a key, so after weighing his options, he dialed his number.

"Morning, Ennis. Is anything wrong?"

"Hi, Clark. Uh, listen, I had a slight problem this morning and I'll be a little late. I was hoping you'd be there quicker than me and would be able to open."

"Sure, Ennis. I can do that, no problem."

Ennis breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Clark. I owe you one."

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you at work."

After hanging up, Ennis tried to calm down and finish getting ready. I'm not gonna be that late...shit; I would be the one who was supposed to open. Thank God Clark is working today. No one will be any the wiser. Good old Clark...

...

Ennis left the trailer a few minutes after Jack, Rob, and April left the barracks. When he arrived at work he couldn't believe the commotion. His heart sank. Everyone, including Don, was standing outside the Center while the security alarm blared, interrupting the peaceful morning. Ennis' ear drums felt like they'd shatter. Clark looked flustered and confused, pacing back and forth, his face nearly as red as his hair. He rushed over to Ennis, talking a mile a minute, having to shout over the mind-blowing noise.

"Ennis, I tried to shut off the alarm when I went in, and I guess I didn't push the buttons hard enough. It started ringing, and the alarm company called, and I told the lady I wasn't breaking in, that I was opening up, and..."

Ennis tried to quiet Clark down. "It's all right, these things happen to everyone," he said. If he'd have said what he was thinking, Clark would never speak to him again. Ennis silently thanked God when just then the alarm stopped, helping to bring everyone some composure. He hoped that his own face hadn't turned red like Clark's. Knowing how obvious it was to Don that he hadn't been there to open, shamed Ennis. The first time in all these years that I wasn't where I was supposed to be, and something like this happens. Things are going from bad to worse.

"Thank heavens that horrible noise stopped," April said.

"That was something else, coming to work and hearing that," Rob added. "That's a good way to scare all the seagulls away."

"Maybe it will scare the visitors away," April said. She and Rob must have thought that was funny because they started to laugh.

"We've had this happen a few times over the years. Clark, don't be hard on yourself," Don said. "Let's all head in and start the day."

Ennis could tell that Don was making an effort to be nonchalant, but he felt the undercurrents of Don's real feelings. Ennis hoped maybe it was just his guilt at letting his duties slide that made him think that there was more going on in his bosses head than what he'd said to Clark.

As he turned to follow Don, Ennis noticed Jack standing off to the side of the group. He hadn't said a word since Ennis arrived. His eyes were hidden behind his sunglasses, but it wasn't hard to judge his expression anyway. He looked troubled, his shoulders slightly hunched, and the fact that he wasn't joining in on any of the conversations spoke volumes since he was usually so talkative. Ennis sure regretted not getting his ass to work on time and was regretful about having given Jack the cold shoulder for the past couple of weeks too. Ennis hung back when the rest of the group walked toward the building so he could have a quick word with him.

"Mornin', Jack."

"Hey," Jack said.

"You feelin' okay?" Ennis asked.

"Sure, how bout you?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess...I uh, was supposed to open this morning but was running late so I called Clark...well, you know what happened then," Ennis said, trying to smile.

Jack didn't look very amused, but he smiled back and they joined the others inside.

Ennis really missed the friendship that he'd started with Jack. Well, he knew it was his own fault that it sorta went downhill. Now Gavin was trying to get his foot in the door, not to mention that citified roommate about to arrive. Shit, what am I gonna do?

Before the morning had started on such a sour note, Ennis had planned to try and have a private word with Don to invite him out for a beer after work to talk. Ennis didn't want to talk, but he needed to desperately, and Don was the only person he could turn to. Now he'd also have some explaining to do about why he was late for work, but the two things went hand in hand anyway.

Ennis started booting up the computers and almost jumped when he heard Don call to him from the bottom of the stairs. "Ennis, can I have a word with you in the office?" It was as if Don had read his mind.

"Sure, I'll be up in a minute."

"Get Clark to finish the computers. Come up now, please."

When Ennis reached the top of the stairs, the office door was ajar. He tapped on it and carefully crept in. He felt apprehensive but forged ahead and said what was on his mind. "Hey, Don. Guess you're wondering why Clark opened this morning, huh?"

Don put his pen down on the desk and turned the swivel chair toward Ennis. "Have a seat," he said calmly.

Ennis sat down on the edge of the chair with his hands nervously clasped on the desk. "Maybe you should go out this afternoon and check some of the campgrounds," Don said.

That took Ennis by surprise. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"Yeah...it seems to me that you need to get out and try to relax. I think it would do you good to spend the afternoon away from this place."

"Uh, about the Clark thing..." Ennis started to explain.

"You don't have to tell me why you needed Clark to cover for you. You must have had a good reason, and that's all I need to know." After a few moments of silence Don went on. "I wondered if there was anything I could do, Ennis. Anything you'd like to talk about?"

Ennis let out a breath. "As a matter of fact….I wanted to see if you might be able to go out for a beer after work. There's something I'd like to talk about."

"You know, I have an even better idea. How 'bout if you come up and have supper with Dorothy and me? I know she'd love to have you, and it's been too long since you've been up. What do you say? Shall I call her?"

"Uh, well, it's kinda short notice. She might not be prepared for a third person."

"Nonsense, she'll love it. And we can have a nice long talk, just the two of us, if that's what you want."

"Well, all right. If you're sure it's not too much trouble."

"I'll call her. You get ready to go check campgrounds, and I'll see you at six o'clock up at the cabin."

Ennis was relieved after that and couldn't wait for the solitude of the mountains. He needed the time to think, to figure out how to approach the subject he needed to talk with Don about.

...

Don and Dorothy lived in a secluded area thick with pines in a quaint little cabin on a hill. A picturesque view of Tioga Lake completed their rustic home. Ennis always felt comfortable there, but tonight his nerves were on edge and all he could think about was the conversation he would have with Don. On his way past Tioga Lake his mind relaxed while remembering the day he and Jack had fished there. That had been a good day. He proceeded on to the Wroe property and parked his truck at the side of the cabin near Don's SUV. He forced himself to exit his vehicle, wasting no time just in case he got cold feet and turned around and bolted. The aroma reaching his nostrils as he began walking toward the cabin went a long way in keeping him on course. It smelled like Dorothy's specialty, chicken and dumplings.

"Ennis, welcome," came Don's voice from the back door. He stepped outside with his Golden Retriever, Ranger, at his heels. Don greeted Ennis with a warm, friendly hug. "Dorothy's in the kitchen. Come in and I'll get you a drink."

Dorothy stopped what she was doing at the kitchen counter and made a beeline for Ennis to kiss his cheek and hug him. There was a warmth in his heart that he seldom felt, and he knew that he could confide in these people without the worry of being rejected.

Don handed Ennis a beer and quietly asked, "Shall we talk before we eat so we'll be able to enjoy dinner afterward?" He flashed his friendly smile that further helped put Ennis at ease.

"That sounds like a good idea," Ennis answered.

"Let's you and I go into the living room," Don said.

Evidently Dorothy knew the situation since Don didn't bother to excuse them, just led the way, and Ennis followed. The living room was cozy and inviting, decorated in warm, earth tones. A big picture window was the main focal point, the spectacular view better than any painting that hung on the walls. If Ennis couldn't get his mouth to work here with this man who had been the only father figure he'd known since his dad's death, then there was no hope for him.

"Do you want to sit...or stand?" Don asked.

Ennis sensed that Don was a little bit nervous too. "Uh, I think I'll just stand here by the window," Ennis said, gazing out.

"Whatever you want," Don said. He also remained standing, a step or two behind Ennis.

Ennis took a drink of his beer. "That day you came up on Jack and me leaving the lake, I felt real uncomfortable." After a brief pause he turned toward Don and went on. "I'm sorry I barely said anything to you that day."

"I could tell you wished I hadn't stopped," Don said, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, well...that was just after...well, I was sure you'd heard the talk about Jack telling Lureen he was gay and all." Ennis took another drink from his beer.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I had heard. You certainly didn't have to feel self-conscious about going out fishing with him though, not on my account."

"I know," Ennis said. His words seemed to have dried up and his throat felt like the Sahara desert. He finished off his beer.

"I heard what happened outside the hospital the day you were down there for the CPR class."

Ennis ran his hand through his hair, not happy at all with hearing that. He turned toward the window again. "Damn, who told you?"

"Henry, from the Ranger Station...he heard some commotion and saw what was going on, at least some of it."

"What'd he say?"

"Said you were having some sort of altercation with a fella in a pickup truck. I know you, Ennis, and I figured the only person you'd be squabbling with in public would be K.E. At least that was my guess." Don downed the rest of his beer. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yeah. Why didn't you ask me about it?"

"I figured if you wanted me to know, you'd have told me."

"But you brought it up now," Ennis said, turning to face Don.

"Yes...because I have a feeling whatever went on that day has something to do with how you've been acting lately."

"How I've been acting?"

"Don't pretend with me, Ennis. I could tell something was bothering you the past couple weeks, and getting to work late today, having to rely on Clark to open for you, that's not at all like you."

"Okay, yeah, K.E. made me mad and I've been feelin' low ever since...but I'll get over it. There's nothing I can do about it."

"Didn't you say there was something you wanted to talk to me about?" Don asked.

"Yeah, I did I guess."

"Do you still want to talk, or are you gonna try and get out of it now?" Don smiled. "Do you want another beer?"

"I think I'd best just concentrate on what I was gonna talk about," Ennis said, looking down at the floor.

"Sorry if I got you off the track by bringing up K.E. I just thought maybe..."

Ennis interrupted. "You thought right."

"So he does have something to do with whatever's wrong." Ennis could see the disapproval on Don's face. He knew that Don had reason to feel that way about K.E., but Ennis still felt loyalty toward his brother even if it was misplaced.

"It's not really K.E.'s fault," Ennis said weakly.

"You don't sound convinced, and I know you know better," Don said sternly. "What went on that day at the class?"

"Oh, nothing, just more of the same. He came to pick up some fish, and unfortunately saw Gavin outside and that set him off."

"After all this time?"

"Yeah. He'll never let it go."

"It bothered you. That's what this is all about, isn't it?"

"I guess so."

"What's the rest?"

"The rest is..." Ennis turned to look out the window again. Suddenly he didn't know if he could get the words out without choking up. He took several seconds to pull himself together before speaking again. "I don't think I can live my life the way K.E. wants me to. It's just not working. I'm not happy." Tears threatened to spill over. Ennis tried with all his might to stop them. The beautiful scenery out in the distance was so clouded he couldn't see it. He took some deep breaths.

After a few moments of silence Ennis felt Don's hand on his back. He spoke calmly, and Ennis could feel the kindness coming from his words. "You need to live your life for you, Ennis...not for your brother. Simple as that."

"But..."

"Look, Ennis. I know K.E.'s your brother...but, no disrespect, your brother's an ignorant SOB. You need to face that. Are you gonna let him ruin your life?"

Ennis turned to face Don again, seeing that Don was getting worked up. "I know K.E.'s got problems," he started.

Don interrupted. "His thinking is warped! He has done enough to mess up your life, Ennis. You need to be your own man and stand up to him."

"He has his reasons..."

"Yeah, I'm aware that there's something...some reason you feel gives him an excuse for being a mindless shithead. You told me before that it's something you don't...won't get into, and I respect that. All I know is you're letting him ruin your life." Don placed his hands on Ennis' shoulders and said in a quiet voice, "Take your life back."

"I don't know what K.E. would do..."

"You don't have to tell him anything except that you won't be parking at his place this winter. Maybe you can get a space in the trailer park where Dorothy and I stay. Break the ties and get on with your life. If K.E. is so bullheaded he throws the relationship away, it's his loss."

"He'll wanna know why I'm not parking at his place."

"Just tell him you feel you need some space. You have a right to do that, Ennis. Talk to him, let him know you still want him in your life as a brother...but not as your keeper."

Ennis ran his hand over his face. He felt so weary, but he knew Don was right in all he'd said. He felt tears well up again, but he needed to tell his friend how much he appreciated his help, so he forced himself to get through it.

"I can't tell you how much your support means to me." Ennis was grateful when Don pulled him into a hug, and no more words were needed.

The remainder of the evening was spent eating the delicious meal that Dorothy had prepared. Don and Dorothy had Ennis in stitches much of the time listening to the teasing back and forth about feeding Ranger under the table. By the time the evening was over, Ennis felt a sense of peace and hope for the future.

Don walked Ennis to his truck and before saying goodnight, he repeated some of his earlier advice, and reminded Ennis that he was always available to talk, day or night.

Ennis still had a lot of thinking to do, but he felt like a weight had been lifted as he drove down the Tioga Pass that night.

To Be Continued...