I'm sorry for being late, again. T.T I'm trying to find a way to let her character develop. Also tests to prep for and such. It's been busy v.v I'm sorry.
Never had he even considered the possibility of rejection. It should have been impossible, no one can reject god. The man stared at the picture in front of him. The girl smiled lazily. He remember watching her as she proceeded to knock out her opponent without even drawing her sword. She was his opposite, uncannily and unnervingly honest. Seemingly mindless and heedless yet never fails to notice every single little detail. From her trust in others to her heart, always worn on her sleeves. She was his opposite, completely free and open. Recklessly graceful and refreshing.
Which was why it was so wrong to hold on to her. The caged bird wouldn't be happy, and its sadness won't entertain its owner. She would have became a liability if she stayed, and no matter what inferior, minor feelings he might have harbored for the woman, it was insignificant compared to his schemes. The brunette put the picture face down on the chair and stood.
The nagging feeling of misery was alien to him.
Trying to ignore it, Aizen picked up the glowing cube by his work desk. A smile formed slowly. His plan for Kei might have failed, but he still has his experiments.
The sheathe felt warm.
Glimpses of fire and blood plagued her vision. Sola turned and griped on the wall. She despised using her sword, despised the slaughter because of what it brought to her. The sword seem to vibrate in its sheathe.
Ones of a fire and slaughter in the darkened night, ones of pain and desperation, it always seem to send her into an inexplicable sadness. And most of all, she always sees a blood covered emerald, shinning through the haze of the smoke and darkness. Sola shuddered.
Deep in her thoughts, she had wandered way off the path to her room. When she looked up the hall before her was dark and somewhat cold. The redhead sighed at her own raging headache. The glass crunched under her boot when she stumbled. Sola put her hand on the wall and looked at the path ahead. The broken bottle trickled a last taste of alcohol onto the cold hall floor. Her friend had another bottle in his hand, drinking like it was his last. He stirred when she sat down next to him. Grimmjow looked at her from his slumped position on the ground. He was dead drunk, like he was everyday when he didn't have anything to do. The redhead sighed and plugged the bottle out of his stiff fingers like she had done so many times before. He gave a grunt in protest, reaching out for the lost bottle.
"Give that back..." He mumbled incoherently.
She stuck her tongue out at the drunken man and lifted the drink to her lips. The familiar taste of bitterness hit her mouth, mixed with a sort of subtle sweetness. Grimmjow was drinking it cold, and she sighed almost blissfully as the alcohol burned a trail of fire down her throat. She took another swig, the liquid sloshing as she set it down. The wolf looked at her with a drunken smirk, somehow producing another bottle for himself.
"Fancy meeting you here." Sola said, lifting the bottle to her lips again.
"..." Grimmjow seemed a bit sober suddenly. "You feelin' OK?"
"What's with the question all of a sudden?" her red eyes turned on his blue ones.
The panther looked pointedly at the bottle, already empty, in her hand. "You never drink."
"Not unless there's something you want to forget." His gaze was piercing, and Sola dropped her gaze to the ground. She could feel the air move and he breathed in, and breathed out a sigh.
"Listen, Sola."
She looked at him, eyes sparking with some unknown light. He lost, Grimmjow's perfectly aware. It didn't take an idiot to see that there was some elusive connection between her and Ulquiorra. He was the outsider there, Grimmjow begun to realize it the longer he spent in the redhead's presence. The times he and Sola spent together were idle and easy. Yet between she and Ulquiorra, there was a spark there that burned everything else out of their consciousness leaving only each other in their vision. Just seeing them together made the blue eyed man feel completely unwanted. Perhaps he was only looking for something he never had or seen before. Perhaps when he found someone so different and special in the bland whiteness he hung on. Grimmjow stared up at the white ceiling, suddenly wanting to level the place. One day he'll find out what the feeling in his chest says, what it means to love someone as much as they loved him. But it wasn't going to happen today. He heaved in more air, too afraid to think of what ifs. What if he never finds it. Eternity is a long time. His eyes hurt and Grimmjow resist the urge to close them and sigh. There was a part of Sola he didn't know about. She wasn't his. A part of her was shared with only one other. Not him. A bitter taste rose in his mouth and Grimmjow resisted the urge to take another swig and just lose himself to intoxication. There was something he needs to do before he drowned himself in the dizzying, forgetful rush. His story with her, Grimmjow smiled, it was doomed to end before the very beginning.
Yet it doesn't mean he can stop himself from loving her red eyes that instant.
"I'm sorry about that night." The words forced their way out of his mouth, rushing out before he can rethink them.
"Grim…"
"-I know that there's something between you and that bat." Grimmjow spoke quicker, eager to let it all out, as the redhead opened her mouth. "There's no denying it. I see it in your eyes. I know I have no chance, but I love you, Sola. And I decided already to not interefere. You wouldn't want it anyway. You are independent and wild, and I love that about you. I knew you were going to be a challenge from the day I met you, I just didn't think I would lose, or fall this hard."
The smile that tugged at his lip now was genuine. "But now, I know I can't be there for you as your man, or your one and only. So I would like to be there as your friend, as your companion. If you need to, I will take you away from here, if you wish it, I'll leave right now and never come back."
"But if you will it, Sola. Let me stay by you as someone you can lean on."
Whatever words she wanted to speak died on her lips, and Sola gave him half a smile. The light in Sola's eyes twinkled as she inspected him, trying to decide her actions. Then she leaned forward, and kissed him gently on the cheek. Just a whisper of lips on his brow, yet it spoke volumes…
"It's not like you to say things like this, Grim." She whispered, voice hoarse and dry. Pausing, not knowing what words to speak to make everything right.
"Thank you…" Her voice was paper thin whisper, barely audible. Her hand rested on his shoulder and squeezed, her touch felt warm and cold all at once.
He chuckled hiding the trembling of his voice, to cover the silence, to cover all the unspoken words that might break everything and shatter them.
"I'll get over you one of those days." Grimmjow looked away, the words half spoken to reassure himself. And she found her bitter smile smeared across her lips. And she walked away, silently, because it was the most she could do for him. To leave him to himself, to give him his dignity and give him room to think. Sola drowned out the thoughts whispering how it might not work, and kept walking. The alcohol had clouded over the horrors in her mind like a shield in the dark. She sighed. Her thoughts raced back to Ulquiorra. Whenever she was terrified, saddened and broken, she ran to him, and he would be there to pick her up. Ulquiorra would care for her, in that quiet, unexpressed way. He wouldn't say a thing, he would pick up the pieces and gently hold her, just hold her. It felt safe, unlike the rest of this empty place. It felt like sanctuary. Sola longed for it. She's still waiting for it, and she's trying to get it back. Get him back.
It felt like home, Sola's mouth felt dry as she turned the corner and stumbled to the sight of Ulquiorra, hand cautiously hovering over the ivory color of her door.
Whispers seem to be in her head, the redhead felt sluggish, weighted down by all the night's events. Sola wanted to put her head on his shoulder and feel the sturdy arms around her as quiet reassurance. Just have Ulquiorra around and breath, like she used to when blood still rushed through her brains, like she still had a pumping heart, in and out until everything seems fine.
"Tenth." Ulquiorra's voice is soft and slow, smooth and sweet. The green orbs fixed on her, seeing through everything. He won't hold her though, like he used to, back when he didn't run off. Sola can almost see it, the days when they were companions, when he didn't call her tenth, when he pronounced her name. When that was all he spoke.
"Ulquiorra." Sola took a deep breath and held her voice steady, clear, and cold.
He took a tentive step towards her, some kind of look in his eyes. The spark in green was almost familiar, and Sola went rigid, breathlessly wondering. His pale face struggled. Then the green eyed espada was next to her, looking down at her with serene but closed expression. The woman stared right back, swallowing back words and fears and hopes and everything else. His cool hand touched her cheek, cupping her face. Silenly the two of them stood, in front of her door. Sola wanted to put her head on his chest, but his touch held her in place. Afraid. Sola shuddered, she was afraid of breaking the moment. Too afraid that he might walk away from her. So Sola closed her eyes, feeling his touch upon her skin. She listened to his steady breathing, calm and collected.
"I remember you..." The comment slipped out easily. The words seem to echo in the air, imprinting in her mind. Sola's eyes flew open as she looked into deep bottomless green pools of color, the words chased away everything else. Suddenly she couldn't think, couldn't bring herself to move. Least the action chased away the moment. Her mind didn't register as he looked vulnerably at her. Ulquiorra's eyes mirrored the shock in hers. His lips moved, no words came.
And she couldn't catch him as he turned briskly, and ran.
Her hands shook so badly that she barely managed to open the door and shut it behind her. Then she curled up beneath the window, watching her shadow stretch out, reflecting her pose. Sola tilted her head to rest on her knee and closed her eyes. Close them to shut out everything. Just savoring the plainness and freedom of breathing. She clung to the feeling of his long fingers against her face, it kept away the screaming memories.
Having him was as natural as breathing. One day she'll have him back, when he finds her.
The dark felt so lovely, and she sighed.
