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I was floating somewhere between reality and drug haze . While i was laying helpless on the bed,i heard voices around me,discussing my treatment. How badly i

wanted to escape the reality,my imprisonment in that psyc ward and just come back to my daughter. Tell her my story without lying,without avoiding uncomfortable

questions. But i was stuck. And the worst part of it was that i lost something very important. The special ingredient that made me Harlee Grace Santos. I was missing

a part of me. Stahl took it away from me. He made me live in fear. I had to take it back.

- She is waking up. Be quiet. - Distant voice sounded a lot like Dr. Gleeson's.

- Harlee,you are returning to us. - I felt his soft touch on my forehead.

- Water...- My mouth was dry and i couldn't speak.

- Here...- Doctor gave me a glass of water but i was too weak to hold it myself,so he helped me.

- What happened? Why did you drug me?- My eyes were adjusting to the light.

- You were screaming,Harlee. And we couldn't calm you down. - Doctor Gleeson looked at me with tenderness.

- I couldn't ignore him...he is too strong... - Tears started to flow down my face.

- It's ok,Harlee...i didn't expect you to do it right away...it takes more than one try...- Doctor's smooth voice was lulling me.

- I need to see Woz... ...- I mumbled,desperately trying to skake off a drug haze.

- Next week,Harlee. Now you need to be in total peace. - He slowly stood up,nodding to a nurse.

- No,please!Doctor Gleeson,seeing him will help me! Please! - I caught his hand like a drowning person would grab a lifeboat.

- Harlee,i've been down this road many time. Your roommate Melinda's condition has worsened too. Harlee,it's a setback but we will work it out. - He gently pulled

my hand away.

- Listen to me!I need to see Lt. Wozniak!It's urgent! - I couldn't supress myself,despair and anger boiled over.

- Harlee,i'll visit you a rest. - Doctor looked at me with sadness and understanding and walked out.

- No!Stop drugging me!No!- Two nurses came up to me again. I was helpless. My body was too drained and weak to fight.

The syringe with sedative was ready to put me to sleep. Never in a million years i could imagine myself in that position where i was like a cagged

animal. I was falling into drug induced dream. I couldn't run away,hide or fight.


Someone was humming a song.

- What a difference a day made...twenty-four little hours...

I wanted to open my eyes but my eyelids seemed to be glued.

-Brought the sun and the flowers...Where there used to be rain - Soft female voice became louder.

- Please... - I was completely dehydrated.

- Oh!You're awake. Here drink some. And i have some food too. - I finally recognized the voice of that young blond nurse.

She held a glass of water to my lips. It felt like life flowing into my body again. Only when you are thirsty like that,you understand how tasty the water can be.

- I really feel bad for you,Harlee. - I heard her sympathetic remark. My eyes finally opened and i saw her fresh glowing face. I was sure that my face looked awful.

Probably that's why she said it.

- What's your...name? - I couldn't recognize my voice. It was so raspy and low.

- Samantha.- She hesitated little bit.

- How long was i asleep,Samantha? - I was scared to know the answer.

- Almost 12 hours. But it's for the better. Right now you need to eat. - Blondie took a plate with some kind of mushrooms and porridge.

- Now i don't have any energy in me so i guess it's a good thing for my treatment. - I felt humiliated and degraded.

- You will regain it,but you have to keep quiet so it won't happen again. - She started feeding me like i was a mushrooms tasted like a rubber.

- You know,i think that it's not your can be so cruel and heartless to us. They are like animals...- Blondie had beautiful blue eyes. The same warm shade of blue that

James had.

- Not every man is like this...- I mumbled,remembering his broad and sincere smile.

- Oh,but your man has driven you are here and he is out there having fun...- Her words brought me out of my contemplating about James. Stahl's pale face popped

up in my mind.

- He must be very happy now...- I looked at the porridge that i couldn't make myself eat.

- It's very unfair. It's all because of love...in Melly's case it was love for her son...- Blondie was talkative like never before.

- What happened to her son? - I was stunned by new information.

- As far as i know,she had a son and he was a member of a street gang. He became a criminal,hurt many people. When police came to arrest him,they found him

dead...and Melly was holding him in her arms. She was cuddling him like he was still alive... - Blondie talked quetly so noone would hear it.

- Someone killed her son infront of her...- My heart ached for Melly.

- She killed him. - Blondie stood up and adjusted her hair.

- Her own son... - I couldn't believe that someone like Melly could hurt somebody, let alone her own child.

- She completely erased her memory of him...and in rare moments when she remembers him,it ends up with her having a stroke. - I felt goosebumps running down

my spine from everything that the nurse told me about my smiley roommate. It was shoking.

- Some cases are incurable but i think that you can be healed. - Her relaxed posture and soft voice made me feel comfortable,but the second she

said "you can be healed" my mind shut down. How many time i heard it from Stahl.

- I will take you for a walk. You need some fresh air. - Blondie smiled at me encouragingly.


The yard looked well-groomed but it was empty - 2 bushes and a couple of little were women with nurses,walking in circles. Every single one of them had the same

vacant expressions on their faces. Medication worked shells of people who lost their lives. I didn't want to end up like them.I had to do something and i needed to

hurry up. I asked Samantha to tell Dr. Gleeson that i wanted to talk to him. I made sure that she saw my readiness to be treated.

- I'm glad that you want to make a progress,Harlee. - Doctor was sipping his favorite tea.

- Yes. I want to get better. - I sat down,feeling like i could do or say anything just to convince him that i can see Woz.

- Well,let's start. What is the most precious thing in your life? - He stood up,coming closer to me.

- My daughter. - I said without any hesitation.

- Tell me about her...- Doctor slowly took off his glasses.

- She is smart,beautiful,witty,kind and honest...very loving...she is my heart.- It was hard for me to steady my breathing. Only one thought of Christina and i started

to crumble.

- She is your reflection,isn't she? - His little hazel eyes were piercing me.

- No...Christina is better than me...- I closed my eyes,imagining her beautiful face.

- Does she know about your tribulations? - Doctor's voice was soft and comforting but the questions were hitting my weak spots.

- After my arrest...all at once. - I scratched my head.

- So she wasn't aware of your obsession. - He put on his glasses again.

- I was ashamed of it. I couldn't let her know about it. - Half truth as usual from Harlee Grace Santos.

- I understand. Who is close to you?Who do you consider your friend?- Doctor was digging deeper.

- Wozniak. He is like a father to me... always has my back. - I missed Woz so badly.

- So Lt. Wozniak became the first man in your life who took care of you without using any violence... - Doctor was thinking out loud. He sat down and poured himself another cup of tea.

- Yes. I never had anybody to stand up for me...Never knew my biological father,my mother didn't really wanted me...i was an accident for her.- It

was hard to open up. My life taught me to hide everything,to keep my mouth shut about my past.

- You wanted to be loved desperately,Harlee... this's the root of your obsessive tendencies. - Doctor Gleeson opened his big notebook and wrote something there with

his face glowing with victory. I nodded,thinking about Stahl. Everything starts in childhood. He had a messed up one for sure. I needed to know about Stahl's

background.

- I want to see the only person that cared for me...please,let me see him tomorrow. - Tears started falling,without me trying hard to push them out.

Doctor looked at me,examining my face .

- It's a major step forward in our ,i always encourage my people when they are open to treatment. So i'll give you this opportunity. - He finally answered hesitantly. It

was rather comical to see him giving me a long answer instead of short and concise.

- Thank you so much. I really want to get better. - I wipped away the tears and smiled at him with gratitude.


I had to go through one more night till i saw Woz. Without medication i knew that another nightmare would be inevitable. I was afraid to fall asleep, deciding to

distract myself. I was pinching myself,even talking to myself.

- Melly...i miss my roommate. Her loud snorring would help me right now... - I was walking in circles like a loonatic.

- Dammit! - I could hardly keep my eyes open.

Suddenly i heard a knock on the door. I froze in place. The door slowly opened but no one came in.

- Who is there? - Cold sleazy fear crawled in my mind.

The silence answered me. I made one step to the door. It was pitch dark.

- Melly? - I mumbled the first thing that popped up in my distraught head.

I felt cold breeze from the darkness outside the door. Nothing is scarier than the silence in combination with darkness.

- Who's there! - I finally managed to come to the door.

- I can be whoever you want it to be... - Stahl's grinning face appeared from darkness.

- Of course it's you..who else... - I felt kind of a strange relief when i saw Stahl.

- May i come in? - His voice had that special undertone.

- You'll come in anyway... - I sat down on the bed.

- Well...actually you could try to kick me out. - Stahl slowly walked in,holding his head up high.

- I don't wanna fight anymore. I'm done... - I shook my head in despair.

- Really? That's so unlike you. - He stopped before the window,looking around the room like he was searching for something.

- I'll get you here in reality. You will come to visit me...- I mumbled quietly.

- I bet it's something that you are waiting for such a long time...you miss me,Harlee... - Stahl looked at me with his cold blue eyes,that were glimmering in a dark room.

- You wish... - I hemmed with disgust.

- Deep inside you know it's true. - Stahl sat down right next to me. I felt his presence like it was happening in reality.

- I just need closure...justice...- I looked at him without fear. It was the first time that his nearness didn't make me shake or cringe.

- So...it means that you want justice to be served only in my case and you want to be set free... - Stahl's voice sounded deeper than usual.

I hesitated with an answer. His snaky eyes were so close.

- Harlee,we're both sinners and there's no meaning in justice,if you get away with everything that you've done...while i will be locked up...- He was calm and serious.

There was no shade of malice or anger. Stahl was talking to me. For the first time he wasn't taunting me. It struck me to the core.

- I need you to be locked up to feel safe...to feel that i'm whole again...and then i will figure out what to do with my own self...- My mind was in two different places -

i wanted to be fair,but my selfish vengeance was taking over. I hated the fact,that Stahl was challenging me with his words.

- Oh,Harlee. Tomorrow you will get to see your only hope. Let's see how he will help you...i'm waiting for the final round...- Stahl touched my hand, slowly tracing the

line from my wrist to the tips of my fingers. I didn't push him away or pull my hand back. It felt like a gesture of reconciliation.

My head was clear enough to understand the irony of it. The first dream that wasn't full of malicious banter and fighting. Stahl seemed like a normal human and

not a monster.

- The final showdown,Agent Stahl. - I whispered,looking at his hand that he put right next to mine.