A/N: I ended up deciding to split the final chapter in two. This is the first part. The second will be the longest, and should be up in a week or so.
Chapter 12: Crisis
What could've gone wrong?
As Richard sat alone in front of the dinner table, he knew something must have gone astray. Asbel was never this late; Asbel never left Richard waiting this long. But it had been over fifteen minutes since the scheduled time, and he still hadn't heard anything of the lord.
Was Asbel sick? Did something happen? Maybe there had been distressing news from Lhant? If so, why hadn't Richard been informed?
The sudden sound of approaching steps dragged him away from his musings. His eyes shifted to its direction, eager to see-
Asbel.
The lord approached slowly, almost hesitantly. "I'm sorry for being late," he mumbled, making a point of avoiding the king's gaze.
Richard could only stare, wide-eyed. He had to wait a few seconds to let reality sink in, before asking, "Asbel, are you alright?"
Asbel finally looked up, but as soon as his eyes met Richard's, his gaze fell back to his plate. "I'm... I'm fine, Richard," his voice was subdued, "Don't worry about me."
His request was obviously unheeded; at the moment, Richard worried as much as one could possibly worry. He worried as the minutes dragged on and Asbel remained silent; he worried as Asbel's eyes averted him for the remainder of the meal; he worried as Asbel left his plate almost untouched; and he worried as Asbel stood from his chair and walked away, with nothing but a weak 'goodnight'.
Richard was unable to say anything to stop him. As he watched Asbel leave, he felt powerless. Asbel had always been the one to reach out to him; whenever Richard closed himself, locking his feelings from the world, Asbel would break in and drag him out into the open. Asbel would grab his hand and he wouldn't let go, no matter what happened.
But now, Asbel's hand was far from his reach. Asbel had shut himself, and Richard had never learned how to open a door. He could only watch as Asbel left, not knowing what to do or say - and when he was finally gone, Richard felt miserable.
Why, why, why?
It made no sense. Only a few hours before, Asbel had been running towards him, holding him, talking about how much he missed him. He had something important to tell him. And he never did say it, did he?
Why, why, why?
Richard had wandered back to his chambers, barely conscious of his steps. How could Asbel's behavior change so drastically within such a short period? What could have happened to cause such a change?
He was now lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling with empty eyes. What would happen now? Would Asbel leave in the morning, without another word? Would Richard have to wait days, weeks, until Asbel would tell him what was wrong? And would he even tell him?
No! He couldn't. He couldn't let Asbel leave like that. Richard wouldn't be able to endure it; not after everything that happened. Things were different now. He couldn't let Asbel go.
Before, Asbel had been unattainable; an impossible dream. Even though he longed for Asbel with every fiber in his body, he had accepted the fact that he would never have him. It pained him, but pain wasn't alien to Richard, and he had learned to live with many forms of it.
But with the dissolution of Asbel's engagement, matters began to change. A spark of hope was kindled, and through time, it grew. There was something in the fleeting touches, which grew in frequency and were not so fleeting anymore; there was something in the embraces, a warmth in Asbel's body, a tinge of pink in his cheeks; there was something behind the words, behind the exchanged glances - everything seemed to go beyond what friendship could instill.
Hope became so strong, it was almost conviction. Asbel was no longer unattainable, and dream was about to become reality. Once Asbel had been within his reach, so close to becoming his, Richard could no longer bear to lose him. It would not merely be painful; it would kill him.
He had to do something. If Asbel left for Lhant while matters stood like that, Richard's last chance would leave with him. He knew that, if he did nothing, everything would change between them.
It would be difficult; Richard knew he was a coward when it came to expressing his feelings. He was always afraid of being exposed, of being judged, of being used, of being betrayed. But this was Asbel, the person who he trusted the most, who he loved the most. What was there to fear?
He would do it. He had to do it.
This time, Richard would be the one reaching.
The meal had left Asbel angry and frustrated - not at Richard, but at himself.
He had spent the afternoon trying to find a way to hide his feelings, to put on a mask that would not show how hurt he was. He did not want to burden his best friend with unspoken anguish, or worse, with unrequited love - so he could not say anything. He had to seem fine, to be able to smile and brush away any concern Richard might have.
But when the clock showed it was time for dinner, Asbel knew he would fail. And so, he spent minutes debating whether he should go or not: what would be worse, joining Richard and not being able to properly talk to him, or not showing up at all? Richard would be worried, either way. Asbel would burden him, no matter what he did - and he hated that.
In the end, he opted for going, hoping he could muster enough strength to appear well. But it was in vain, and everything ended up going far worse than he had anticipated. He couldn't speak, he couldn't eat, and he couldn't as much as look at Richard, no matter how hard he tried.
But it wasn't Richard's fault!
Asbel was the one who arrogantly assumed that Richard was in love with him. He thought Richard had sent all the signs in the last few months - and it was because of them that Asbel realized his own feelings. But the marriage letters proved he had been mistaken; Richard didn't actually feel that way for him. However, now that Asbel's own feelings had surfaced... he could not drown them back. They overwhelmed him, and he did not know how long it would take for him to be able to breathe freely again - and would he ever?
And he took it all on Richard, by being cold to him. He hadn't been able to help it then, and now, he hated himself for it. He didn't want to make Richard suffer - Richard was the last person who he could bear to hurt.
Asbel would leave, first thing in the morning. He would come up with a good excuse, write a long letter - it was easier to conceal his feelings in writing - and go. He wouldn't be able to meet Richard for a while, but until then, he would write often. Anything to keep Richard from worrying, anything to make him happy.
Having made his decision, Asbel attempted to sleep. It was difficult, as expected - his eyelids felt heavy, but his brain refused to shut down. He began remembering the many times in the past months that he stayed awake because of Richard, back when confusion would keep him restless. Now, however, he knew what he wanted; and he thought that, if he slept, he could dream of Richard... and in his dreams, Richard would love him back. Eluded by this idea, Asbel was finally able to close his eyes.
It was true that such a dream would only make reality hurt more in the morning, but for now, he wanted to escape.
Asbel slept deeply until dawn, when he was woken by the sunrays that flooded his room freely. At first, he cursed his lack of attention, which had caused him to forget to close the curtains; but then, he realized it may have been for the best - if he left early, there would be no chance of running into Richard. He packed quickly, but before he could reach the door, there was the soft sound of knocking upon it.
Asbel froze. Was there any chance it might be Richard? No, impossible. There was no way the king would've spent the night by his door, waiting to knock until he heard rustling inside... was there?
"Lord Asbel, are you awake?"
There was his answer - it wasn't Richard. Asbel sighed and said, "Yes, I am."
"May I come in?"
Already being by the door, Asbel opened it himself. The servant outside bowed, and said, "Shall we have breakfast served in your room, my lord?"
"Breakfast?" Was that what he came for? "I'm actually about to leave, so there is no need. I can eat at the road."
The servant looked unsurprised. "I'm afraid you'll have to delay your departure, my lord. His Highness was quite emphatic that I do not allow you to leave so soon." He paused. "Now, shall I have breakfast brought here? His Highness would like to meet you as soon as you are done eating."
Asbel's eyes were wide. "But... it's so early. Is he even awake?"
"Oh yes, my lord. Now, please do excuse me, as I'll be sending word for your food." He bowed again, and then added, "Remember to head to His Highness's study as soon as you can." With that, he left.
A generous breakfast arrived soon, and Asbel forced himself to eat as much as he could. He tried to return to his normal state of mind, hoping he could increase his chances of convincing Richard that he was okay. Once there was enough food in his stomach and enough confidence in his heart - as much as he could muster in his state, at least - he left for Richard's study.
The time Asbel took to get there felt both too long and too short. He stood by the door, taking one last deep breath before knocking. There was shuffling inside, and the door soon opened - and there stood Richard.
It was funny what a single night of sleep could do to a person. On the previous day, Asbel couldn't as much as look at the king, but now... He felt his eyes locked on Richard's. His desperation to leave turned into an immense desire to stay, to hold Richard and scream how much he loved him, as if begging and tears could win his friend's heart. But Asbel would never sink so low as to guilt Richard into returning his feelings, so he stood still and silent, trying to ignore the pain in his chest.
"Asbel," Richard's voice was soft and gentle, as it always was, "thank you for coming. Please, enter."
Asbel stepped inside, and Richard closed the door after him. He wanted to ask why he had been called, but hesitation was greater than curiosity, so he waited for Richard to speak again.
"I thought that, since you came all the way here... I could teach you something."
Asbel's mouth was agape. "You called me here for... a lesson?" He could hardly believe it. Richard went through the trouble of instructing a servant to keep Asbel in the castle, only so that he could have one damned lesson? The king himself woke up at this hour, for that? And, worse of all: he put Asbel through the torture of wondering what he had been called for, when all he wanted was something so... ordinary!
Richard's expression was still serious. "Yes, Asbel. I did."
Asbel took a deep breath. At least this was better than being asked about his odd behavior on the previous day. Maybe spending some time together, as friends and nothing more, could help calm his heart... or so he hoped. "Well... What's today's topic, then?"
"It is one of the most important things a gentleman must know, Asbel. I suppose I should have taught you this sooner, given how vital it is." Richard paused, raising an ungloved hand to lightly touch Asbel's cheek. The lord's eyes immediately locked onto Richard's, and only then the king resumed speech.
"This lesson will be... on courting."
