Title: Moving On?
Chapter 12 – A New Perspective


"The tray she picked up had Fentanyl on it. We have to get her to a hospital now!"

"BAEZ!"

Danny's mind continued to frantically spiral downward as he entered the hospital with a racing mind and heart. He had called ahead but spoke so fast that he wasn't sure he was heard properly. He wasn't.

"What did she come in contact with?"

"Uh Fentanyl," Danny replied weakly as he watched in helpless frustration as his partner was placed on oxygen and the attending ER physician called for a Naloxone kit while she explained to Danny how much more potent and dangerous the synthetic opioid was to standard street drugs.

"Okay…we'll try to do what we can."

"Wait…what are you saying?" Danny asked in desperation as he stopped the doctor before she could join her team in the ER. "My partner…she's gonna wake up right?" He managed as they started to do CPR on Baez's unmoving frame a few feet away. "Tell me she's gonna wake up!" Danny demanded a bit louder than he or others might have wanted.

"Look Fentanyl has a profound effect on the respiratory system. Hopefully…you got her here in time," the Doctor said as she turned to leave.

"Wait!" Danny tried to pull her back.

"We'll do everything we can. That's all I can promise right now," she told him before she turned away for the last time and rushed to help save Baez's life. All Danny could do was stand and watch in helpless misery as his partner was rushed from view with a team of frantic medical personnel at her side desperate to save his life.

"This…this can't be…" Danny muttered in an undertone as he started to pace the waiting area in the ER; his core temperature slightly elevated while his heart thumped painfully in his chest. I was right there…I should have been watching or…or something! Why the hell…his mind raced round and round as he waited for some kind of news…any kind of news on his partner.

He replayed the scene over and over in his mind. Where she was; what she was doing; wha…I was distracted! By what? His brain argued back Doing your job? This isn't your fault! He knew that…he knew the risks of Fentanyl but until their perp told him what she had physically handled he had no clue. He pulled his phone and called his boss and then slumped down on a nearby bench to wait.

A few seconds later his brain replayed an image of himself rushing into the hospital on May 29th.

'Linda! Where's…Cindy…where's my wife! Where's Linda! WHERE IS SHE?'

He watched as his father rushed toward him as he tried to barge into the ER operating room where she was being operated on and somewhat succeeded. He then saw himself at the edge of the room as he peered in with a horrified expression. Then he watched as the doctor came out of the room with a grim expression; her blood still freshly displayed on his white hospital coat.

'I'm sorry Mr. Reagan…'

'Wait…what? No Doc…I need to see her she uh…I need to see her!'

Danny's elbows rested on his knees as he head slightly hung down and his brain tried in vain to get his heart rate to calm down. Can't lose Maria also I just…can't. With that sobering thought, Danny's head lifted and he could only stare helplessly at the area she was being worked on.

It seemed like forever passed before the Doctor finally emerged and came up to him with a grim expression.

"How is she? Can I see her?"

"She's…stable but in a medically induced coma."

"But…what? Why?"

"The drugs have played havoc on her system Detective. It needs time to try to pull itself back out of this."

"And uh…how long will that be?"

"We don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know!" Danny snapped and then recanted. "Okay look I'm uh…sorry. Will she be okay?"

"She'll have to fight her way back and if she does, she'll be fine. We can only hope now that no permanent damage was done. As soon as she's set up in the ICU we'll let you know."

"Right," Danny muttered as he watched her walk away and then headed back toward the waiting area and slumped down in quiet defeat. But he wasn't allowed to dwell too much on his own misery as his phone rang a few seconds later and broke that contemplative silence. "Hey…" he greeted his father with a somber tone.

"How is Baez?"

"She's in a coma. She uh…Doc says we got her there in good time but uh…could be days before her body comes out of it or…yeah," he huffed as he shook his head and then audibly groaned. "I should have watched a bit more closely or…"

"It wasn't your fault Danny. She was doing her job."

"I know," he replied just to tell his father what he wanted to hear but in that moment wasn't prepared to let go of any of the guilt.

"Are you able to go to her place and get a few things…make it a bit more homey for her? I can assign someone else to finish this case if you want.'

"No I uh…I want the son of a bitch that put that crap on the streets. Agent Bell said we could help with this case so I'll uh…yeah stopping by her place is a good idea."

"Call me if she wakes up."

Danny hung up with his father and then reluctantly took his leave. His father was right, him being there doing nothing but driving the staff nuts wouldn't help anyone and they still had a case to solve. But he told himself as soon as his shift was over…maybe sooner, he'd be over at her place and then back to the hospital to see how she was.

XXXXXXXX

"Hey partner…stopped by your place and picked up a few things that you might like…few pictures that you might want to see when you wake up…instead of my ugly mug," Danny offered with a soft smirk as he entered her room later that same night and then walked up to her bed and pulled out two pictures of her family.

As he started to remove his coat, he recalled at first being hesitant about entering her apartment but told himself that he had been in it before and this was now just to get a few things and not…snoop. He grabbed a few personal pictures from her living room and then headed into the kitchen to get a shot of cold water but quickly stopped his actions and looked at something on the fridge.

On the left side was a little picture of a festive looking bar that she had written 'Riki Tiki' at the top in red marker and on the right was a picture of two empty chairs – one with her name on it and other with his. An emotional lump instantly formed in his throat as he started at the seemingly innocent pictures but felt his heart rate instantly start to increase. They had only talked about the bar in Aruba the day before and now…now he was already in her future. She probably didn't expect you to see that… his brain carefully offered.

And suddenly he felt guilty, as if he stumbled upon something he shouldn't have and quickly backed away. He gathered up a few pictures and then headed for the door and back into the hallway. But even as he reminded himself about the dire situation, something inside warmed his heart that he was there in her future and suddenly he allowed himself a few seconds to let go of some emotional despair.

The soft beeping brought him back to reality as he arranged the pictures of her with family and then sat down in a chair beside her bed.

"I probably don't say it enough but uh…you're one helluva cop…and one helluva partner. I really…really need you to wake up. I really can't afford to lose you too," his voice quivered as he offered her his heartfelt confession. I can't lose her…not another one…I can't…this…this is what I get for even…he stopped as he looked at her placid expression. "I'm just gonna sit here until you stop being so stubborn," he tried to add lightly in a vain effort to get his mind and heart to switch back to professional feelings. "Wake up and tell me to mind my own business or I picked up the wrong pictures or something."

But he had already passed the point of no return and knew he was doomed; his heart was already invested and after seeing the pictures on her fridge feared she was too. But what could he tell her? Stop caring? That would be hypocritical since he cared for her in return. Once merely plutonic now…he edged closer to something a lot stronger and that scared him.

"Can't…lose you," he whispered so that only she could hear. Course he told himself she couldn't and so his confession would be nothing when she woke up. Still…it felt reassuring to say it. Danny looked up at the monitors and then down at his partner's face and leaned in and gave her hand a warm squeeze and let it linger; his skin at first cool to his touch but the longer his skin remained attached to hers the faster it warmed and that reassured him. But as soon as he pulled it away he knew it would cool.

He leaned back in the chair and then closed his eyes for a few seconds and let his mind drift back to when the four of them were having dinner at his new home and how she just fit so well with his boys and that setting. But instantly his mind felt guilty that he enjoyed himself with someone other than his wife and he found it hard to swallow. 'You're not betraying Linda if you start to develop feelings for another woman,' Dr. Jenkins had reminded him soundly.

And he knew that. It wasn't like he was having an affair or that he was doing something behind her back. It wasn't like they were even divorced and living separate lives. She was gone – for good. He was doing nothing wrong and he knew it but inside he still felt that he should felt some kind of guilt.

Then walk away now…be fair to both of you his brain offered with a small chirp. He looked at the time and knew it was late and he should get home to his boys. They also needed him and that was part of his deal with them; that he be there for them a bit more often.

"I uh…I gotta go. Told the boys I'd be home and uh…well you know how Sean gets," he paused as a small smirk escaped his lips. But his expression turned serious a few seconds later as he rubbed his face and looked at his partner's motionless frame.

"You uh you need to wake up now okay? Quit scaring me like this. You know I don't like to be scared…you always say nothing seems to scare me but uh…losing um…losing people I care about scares me," Danny confessed softly as he leaned in and rested his elbows on his knees and looked at her with a distressed expression. "So quit playing games and wake up okay? Surprise…gotcha….something to make me know you're pulling my leg here."

But it wasn't to be; in fact she wouldn't wake up for a few more days yet. He told himself he had to get home to his boys. That tomorrow he'd have to get up and try to focus on finding out who is behind the tainted drugs and put in second place the fact that his partner was still in the ICU fighting for her life.

"I need to go but I can't," Danny added once more. "So you gotta wake up and tell me I gotta get my ass home now." He reached over and took her hand once more and gave it a warm squeeze; the coolness still a bit off-putting but his mind telling him that she was alive and trying to fight her way back and that's all that mattered.

But as he looked at the clock once more he knew he had to get home to his boys. She was safe here and in the best of care and if something happened, a team of experts would be right there to ensure that nothing would go wrong.

"Alright…" Danny whispered as he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "I gotta go. I'll be back tomorrow. I promise," he told her as he pulled back and looked at her with a tormented expression. But he told himself not to take too long because if he did, he might never leave. So with that he pulled on his coat and left her room and headed for the exit doors and then finally outside.

He sat in his car for a few seconds and tried to clear his thoughts before he put his car in drive and headed for home.

"Dad?"

"Yeah it's me!" Danny called out as he dumped his coat on the table and headed into the kitchen; his boys already eaten as they had the night before. "Sorry I'm late!" He called out once more and then turned to see his boys a few meters away. "Oh…what's going on?"

"How's Maria?"

"She's….she's in a coma."

"When will she come out?"

"What exactly happened?"

"Grampa only said it happened on a case."

"Okay hold on a sec here," Danny put up his hands to stop his boys rapid fire questions. "She touched a tray that had Fentanyl on it and accidentally overdosed."

"Just touched the tray?" Sean asked in shock.

"Yeah…it's just that strong. Stuff to stay away from. She's in a medically induced coma to give her body a chance to fight off the drugs and also to uh…give it a chance to heal."

"Hope she's okay."

"Yeah me to."

"Yeah…me too," Danny added as he gave his boys a small smile. "You already eaten?"

"Yeah."

"Okay good."

He watched them head back to what they were doing and then turned and looked at the kitchen with a glum expression. He was somewhat hungry but didn't feel like eating. All he wanted was to pick up the phone and hear his partner's voice and know that she was okay.

Danny slumped down into the closest chair and felt his heart sink as his brain recalled something his therapist had said to him 'funny you never really know how much you care about someone until you come close to…or actually lose them.' "I can't lose her," he whispered into the dimly lit surroundings and hung his head.


A/N: oh poor Danny :( this update was all Danny angst with some worried family bits and hope that's okay and you all liked it. I added a few personal touches to make it seem like she's also thinking about him and her future and hope you all liked that also and please do review before you go and thanks so much!

PS: The site has been acting up again so if you do get this alert or check the page and then you get an error please just keep refreshing. ugh so frustrating! thanks :)