Disclaimer: Same as always.
"Don't worry. Mutts are never loved anyway," Lukas says bitterly.
I rub my temples. I have been hearing them go at each other all day and it is really tearing on my nerves. It is especially hard now, where there is no down time to distill the bitter feelings between the two.
Jacob, as insisted by my parents, has taken my dad's place as my babysitter, following me from class to class. I hadn't been planning on Jacob being in all of my classes. That was not a part of the bet at all, although Jacob doesn't seem to mind.
Still, I had felt confident at the beginning of the day. Even when Jake started nagging Lukas when he came to see me in between classes I was sure that I would win the bet. But now, with the day not even half over yet and a whole class of ridicule and arguing, I'm not so sure.
"Jacob?" the teacher asks a question that I didn't hear. Jacob turns his attention away from glaring at Lukas.
"The limit is 3," he answers after glancing at the problem.
"Actually, he asked for the derivative," Lukas says.
"The limit is the derivative," Jacob growls back.
"Boys," the teacher tries to interrupt with a nervous chuckle.
"No, a limit is the number which the function approaches," Lukas says calmly.
"Your ability to annoy has no limit," Jacob says with a rising voice.
"That is enough!" the teacher shouts. Neither of the boys are listening to him. The tension level in the room explodes. Everyone can feel the waves of hatred rising off of Lukas, Jacob, and the teacher.
Lukas snorts. "That was original. Were you hoping for the class to break into applause?"
"They will applaud when—"
"Both of you get out of my classroom. Now!" the teacher roars. Jacob is trembling violently. Lukas is stone-still. It takes a few seconds before Lukas and Jacob react. Slowly, they get up, moving in sync with matching glares, and walk out of the room. I can hear them start to argue the instant the door closes. Their voices rise so high that everyone else in the room turns to stare at the door distractedly. No matter how hard I try to block out the noises, I hear my name shouted several times. I put my head on my desk and hide it in my arms, embarrassed.
"Work time," the teacher declares, and he heads back to sit at his desk and rub his temples.
I feel someone tap my shoulder. "Renesmee?" Ben asks timidly.
"Are they loud?" I ask from under my arm.
"Kinda," Ben admits with a chuckle. "Want to work with me?"
"Yes," I say, lifting my head and opening my book.
Ben does his best to distract me. He talks quickly and laughs loudly when I say something that I don't mean to funny. I try to concentrate on the math problems, hoping I can concentrate so hard that I will disappear from the world for a while. We are on the third problem when Ben asks, "Nessie, would you want to go bowling with me?"
My head snaps up. It is pounding so hard it feels like it is going to explode; there is a whooshing sound in my ears that makes it hard to concentrate. Maybe he wasn't talking and laughing so loudly because he was trying to distract me; he was trying to distract himself. Great. This is all I need today.
"Like…on a date?" I ask tentatively.
Ben turns bright red. "Only if you want it to be. A bunch of my friends are going on Saturday, and I thought you might like to come with."
"Who's going?" I ask, still guarded.
"Amy and Andy, Sean and Kim, Eli and Hannah," Ben lists off. It doesn't escape my notice that he lists them off in pairs. It definitely sounds like a group date night to me. My stomach sinks; I really want to crawl into a hole and disappear.
"Oh, I don't know Ben…" I say, trying to avoid hurting his feelings.
"Look, I understand. You don't want a boyfriend right now. You have enough stuff going on right now, and you don't need this added to it." Well, yes. That is all true. But not really the only reasons that I don't want to go out with him.
"That's alright with me. If you change your mind and want to go bowling with us, as a friend, you are more than welcome to. But don't feel pressured; it's an open invitation," Ben finishes.
"Thanks, Ben," I say gratefully.
We start to work on math again when the fighting outside increases in volume.
"Renesmee doesn't want you here," I hear Lukas growl. I feel like growling myself.
"How do you know what she wants?" Jacob replies. Neither of them has ever asked me what I want, but if they did ask, would I even know what I want?
"I think I know Renesmee better than you think you do," Lukas' voice drops so low that I am the only one in the room who can hear it.
Jacob breaks the silence by slamming Lukas into the closed door.
This is too much. I can't take it anymore. They need to stop fighting. Now!
I stand up and cross the room. All eyes are on me, but no one moves to stop me from walking out the door and into the hallway.
"Stop it," I hiss as the door clicks shut. "Stop it right now. Do you realize that everyone in that room can hear every single word you say? I bet Tonya's clan can hear you arguing all the way in Alaska. This needs to stop."
"I'm not stopping yet," Jacob says with a sarcastic smile. "I've just gotten started."
"Jake. Enough!"
"You know what, I'm done," Lukas says with a frustrated scowl directed at Jacob. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore, Nessie. If this mongrel is going to be around you all of the time I'm not going to keep coming to school. And I won't be coming around the house."
"You're making me choose," I say flatly. It's not a question.
An ambivalent expression crosses Jacob's face.
"It sounds kind of harsh when you say it like that," Lukas frowns. "But yes, essentially, I am 'making you choose.'"
I look at Jacob and feel a strong surge of hate. This is entirely his fault! I hate him for forcing me to choose. Maybe I should just choose Lukas, as payback for this stupid bet.
And yet…
I don't really hate Jacob. Sure, I hate him now, but in another week I won't hate him anymore. And then what do I do? If I give into my anger now I won't be able to see my Jacob anymore.
How do I choose between them? How would anyone be able to choose between their best friend and protector, and their… what is Lukas to me? Certainly more than a friend. But I don't think "boyfriend" really fits. Our relationship feels much more fragile; like much more than just boyfriend and girlfriend.
I can find no way out of this nightmare. I can't choose, but I made a deal with Jacob. I have to choose. One or the other.
But I won't be happy with either choice. How can I choose and still keep them both?
Unless…
There is a third option, one that I only consider now in my most desperate time of need. One that will rescue me from this disaster.
My only option.
"Fine," I say sharply. "You want me to choose? I choose Ben."
I turn around and walk back into the room before my face can reveal the turmoil that is churning inside of me, but I don't turn around fast enough. I still see the shock on both of their faces; one boy's face a reflection of the other's.
Sorry sorry sorry! I know, updates keep coming later and later. Unfortunately, that's probably not going to change anytime soon. I might die (metaphorically) this month, so I won't have much of a chance to write. But reviews always help speed things up! Thank you to all my reviewers; you are amazing.
