So, where exactly were we, anyway?

Negi Springfield, magical boy teacher extraordinaire, after undergoing a series of incidents including but not limited to being trapped in a global time freeze, meeting Queen Marie Antoinette and Sasaki (not related to Makie) Kojiro (or at least a wraith who got the Sasaki Kojiro name slapped on him by Regend- that is, sorry, legend), going on a completely innocent dinosaur date with his crossdressing cousin, and learning (technically relearning) one of his students is his Martian descendant from the future, has finally returned to the bulk of his students and allies only to learn two of them have been kidnapped by American mass murderer and creepy clown, Mark Hami– er, The Joker. This has all taken place, it should be noted, during a single morning that is ending only right now.

While this was happening, Fujimaru Ritsuka, a member of a magical organization from another dimension to save human history, has arrived upon this Earth with his Servants, legendary Heroic Spirits of yore including but not limited to Queen Marie Antoinette, the already mentioned wraith, King Arthur's female son Mordred, Blackbeard the Pirate and a cute intern from said organization, to stop King Solomon from destroying all that there is, ever was, or will be, including Milli Vanilli's career and those old Clutch Cargo cartoons. Currently he's kind of comatose after kissing the three already mentioned female Servants (including the one who is a man), plus the two greatest Yanderes in Japan's history.

At the same time, over in their home dimension, Ritsuka's morally questionable heroine(?) twin sister, Fujimaru Ritsuko, has allied herself with goddesses Urd and Ishtar to brave the dimension all of this inanity is taking place in to rescue her brother and his Servants, plus probably score with a few new cute things along the way.

The Joker has just kidnapped librarians Yue and Nodoka, plus book author Fukawa Touko of 'Genocider Syo' fame, to use as bait in a trap for Negi's team, the White Wings, and probably sell them to a deadly game show hosted by a psychotic robot plush bear afterwards. Or possibly host one himself, just to cut down on the number of character showing up.

King Solomon, the Grand Caster, while currently unseen so far, seems to have allied himself with the local spirit of Angra Mainyu, the incarnation of all the world's evils corrupting the Holy Grail of Mahora Academy, and they have infected several of Negi's students with something vaguely ominous and dark, oh noes!

Urd's youngest sister, Skuld, allied with Negi's descendant to reveal magic to the world behind Negi's back, is with her Ministra Magi Morisato Keiichi, Imouto supreme Yuuki Mikan and budding stage actress Murakami Natsumi, who has just learned secondhand from them about Negi's magic, on their way to meet up with Keiichi's own Imouto Megumi and his Motor Club partners. What they don't know yet is, Megumi and the others have picked up two tagalongs, both of them also Servants of Ritsuka- female pirates Anne Bonny and Mary Read!

Negi's second oldest and definitely sternest Ministra Magi, Suzushiro Haruka, the Vice President of the Mahora Student Council, has been approached by members of a club she met while in Honnouji Academy (which defintely happened even though we technically still have to get around to writing it)- the Occult Club led by female demon Rias Gremory, who took Haruka aside to issue her an ominous warning that has taken this fucking long offpanel while everyone else went around killing monsters and making Provisional Alliances. It seems forces from beyond have taken a dark interest in the White Wings! Could this have anything to do with the Grand Caster, The Joker, the new Heartless creatures starting to roam Mahora, and Evangeline McDowell's old classmate from twelve years ago, Kitami Reika, who has returned to Mahora for the Festival...?

Oh, and that descendant, Chao Lingshen, is also scheming on the whole global magic reveal, too. I think she's still supposed to be the main antagonist of this arc, somehow. Eh. Well then, let's start, if your brain hasn't exploded by now...


You already know who owns what, and you know I don't own any of these characters. So let's skip that just this once, 'kay?


You Broke my Heart with Fanservice.

Chapter Twelve.

Meet Me Under the Tree.

(Under the Tree! Under the Tree! Darling It's Better Down Where It's Wetter, Take It From Me!)


"So, to recap," Suzushiro Haruka frowned, daring to glare in an almost hostile way at Rias over the large table, "your people is behind this."

"My people in the sense they are my race," the buxom redhead shrugged, to resulting 'boing, boing', while those in the tables around theirs minded their own business (except to pay attention to 'boing, boing'), a privacy spell turning the turns of their conversation into perfectly normal and unremarkable muggle static about, er, shoes or something. "Not that we agree with them, of course, or else we wouldn't be going out of our way to tell you this."

"Okay," Haruka sighed tensely. "Just one more question, then..."

"What is it?" Issei asked eagerly.

Suzushiro ignored him and asked Rias directly again instead. "Where's Yukino?"

Rias blinked. "Who?"

"Yukino, my best friend!" Haruka growled. "The girl who missappeared a month and a half ago! It was all over the news! Skuld-san she's in Mundus Tragicus, but she refusates to say anything beyond that!"

"I think you meant disappeared, Mundus Magicus, and she refuses," the small Koneko quietly said.

"That's part of her charm," Issei explained.

Rias frowned, rubbing her chin for a moment. "I don't remember hearing anything about any Yukino..."

"President," Akeno spoke, "there was a case, remember, about a student from CLAMP, another from Mahora, and another from Ohtori, who disappeared together in Tokyo Tower around that time. You told us to look into it just in case, we couldn't find anything, you said it was probably nothing important and that it was probably just an escape attempt to get out of those loony bins?"

"Nothing important?!" Haruka growled.

Rias took another sip from her latte. "We can't cover any and all cases of the unexplained in Japan, and we aren't a charity organization anyway, Suzushiro-san. Demons, remember? We're doing this favor to you for free because we think the repercussions might affect us eventually, but normally we'd be asking for your soul or at least itunes giftcards in trade for this kind of information."

"It's a very hot tip, after all!" Kiba nodded with a gentle smile.

"We could, however," Akeno added, "do an extra search for you on that subject. It'll only cost your immortal soul... Isn't that worth the sacrifice, for the sake of your best friend?"

Issei frowned. "Hey, now, she's a friend of mine, I won't stand for her losing her soul..."

"Well, I can probably get it down to three itunes giftcards and staring opposite Arimura Chika in a cosplay video…" Akeno said.

"Yes!" Issei said.

"We're not friends!" Haruka snapped. "You're just a perverse who latched at me after I gave you the most basic of courtesises!"

"Latched on you," Koneko quietly corrected, "and court-"

"If I ever need a dictionary I'll ask for it, thanks!" Haruka waved a hand. "Don't worry about me, I'm sure I can find Yukino through my own efforts just fine!"

"But Mundus Magicus is rather dangerous," Akeno casually tempted her, with a finger idly on her own lips. "It's populated with all sorts of mystical creatures, flesh eaters, Jack Rakan, tentacled beasts, sky pirates, Jack Rakan, serial fondlers like Jack Rakan, cannibalistic tribes, Fairy Tail members, Jack Rakan, Lina the Dragon Spooker, and ponies..."

Haruka blinked. "Ponies?"

Akeno nodded. "They're much tougher than they look, and some of them are quite demented. Why, there's the legend about the Pink One who Makes Cupcakes..."

"We aren't taking Haruka-chan's soul from her!" Issei growled. "Look, forget about the giftcards, just do the video…!"

"She might end up becoming another slave of our organization," Akeno casually mentioned.

Issei's eyes widened visibly, and then he smiled lecherously at Haruka. "On the other hand, becoming a servant of darkness isn't that bad, take it from someone who knows...!"

Haruka, without missing a beat, tossed the rest of her drink in his face, then told Akeno, "I still trust Yukino's capacibility to stay safe as I trust mine to find her on my own... no, on our own, with the help of Ala Alba! She's much more astuteful than she looks! I'm sure she must be doing fine for herself right now!"


Mundus Magicus:

The creepily staring rival mage stared angrily at Yukino, while the badly beaten Gray, naked except for his boxers now, stood between them to further protect the terrified Earth girl. "And who," the blue haired shapely woman demanded, "is this female you care so much about?"

"She's part of my Nakama, of course I'd protect her!" Gray growled, his hands covered by spiky gauntlets of ice while Yukino gasped and cowered behind her shield. "What are you trying to imply, that she's my girlfriend or anything! Phe, as if it was any business of yours anyway!"

"True," icily conceded the blue haired mage, summoning several pillars of water by her sides. "I was just trying to find out if I should bury you both together... Mister Gray, was not it?"

A true gentleman, that. A shirtless White Knight in Nonexistent Armor, it was almost a pity having to waste him, Juvia thought. And that body, rowr...

"I think," Gray grumbled, giving a defiant step ahead towards his enemy, "she'd rather be buried next to her lesbian crush..."

"Sh-She's only my friend!" Yukino cried, blushing to her ears.


Haruka sneezed loudly, then rubbed her nose with a delicate snort.

"Gesunheidt," Akeno said.

"Thank you."

"Are you really sure you don't want to sell us your soul and become one of us, though?" Akeno insisted. "You're really likable, I can see why Issei'd like you..."

"Right! Right!" Issei nodded almost frantically.

Haruka stood up and clapped for the waitress. "They'll pay the check, I'm leaving now, thanks!"


The Haunted House:

"I see," Lala said with a perfectly calm and even voice after being called into the meeting room and explained the basics of the librarians' situation. "So that's what happened. Well! It can't be helped, a consort of the royalty will be kidnapped often by those foolish enough to expect ransom or political leverage in trade!"

"I... I don't think the Joker's even aware Yue's engaged to you," Asuna pointed out.

Momo and Nana, who had come in with Lala, watched in concern as their sister began talking mostly to herself, oblivious to Asuna's words and gesturing with her hands. "Of course, the punishment for kidnapping a royal wife is a long, painful and torturous execution... that is, as long as the target has NOT been harmed... if a single hair on Yue's perfect head has been hurt, then the agony and torture will have to be extended at least ten times longer until the offender begs for a-"

"Lala-chan, we can think of the torture and execution later!" Haruna complained while Artoria held Shirou and Negi from behind so they wouldn't just race off to heroically rampage through the campus, a hand on their mouths so they wouldn't have to listen to their objections on the whole capital punishment thing either. Fujimaru, who had befriended Attila the Hun, Vlad the Impaler, Caligula, and Elizabeth Bathory (x3), and at the very least tolerated Bluebeard's existence, thought he maybe should be saying something in favor of letting the mass murderer be reformed and redeemed, but chose to let the Non Interference Clause dictate his actions just this once. "First tell us if you can help find Yue and Nodoka, that's why we told you this in the first place!"

A Zen-like state of perfect calm reached though white hot fury attained, Lala nodded. "Why, of course I can, Haruna! I planted a tracker on Yue's person for such eventualities!"

"My respect for you has just shot up, Hime-sama," Matoi said giving her a thumbs up.

Kiyohime nodded. "A tracker, of course! Why didn't I ever think of that before?"

Chisame cringed. "Don't tell me you left Ayase unconscious and inserted a tracking device into her! Seriously, Lala-san!"

"No, no, that would be unethical, Chisame. Yue hasn't given me permission to enter her body yet!" Lala shook her head. Then she smiled widely. "I just inserted nano trackers inside of each of Yue's hair ornaments! She always keeps her braids together with them, even while she's bathing, so I can always keep track of her at any given moment!"

"... I guess that's a bit better?" Asuna scratched her cheek. "I mean, Yue won't be too happy when she learns about it, but as soon as it saves her and Honya's bacon... Okay, and where's the gizmo you use to track her signal? Yo lost all your clothes not long ago, so you can't be keeping it on you..."

"Peke," Lala told the small brooch on her hair. "Start the tracking routine for Yue, please! Also run a subprogram for torture and execution while you're at it, okay?"

Mami winced. "This is all legal, isn't it?"

"It's all legit according to Deviluke Law, I think," Yuuna shrugged. "Don't think too much about it."

The brooch's small swirly eyes shone in golden for a few seconds before Peke's quirky voice offered the results of her search. "The Imperial Princess' been located! Her life signs emit stable readings, too! She is being kept under the landmark location Mahora inhabitants call 'the World Tree'!"

"Ah!" Lala sighed with a renewed smile. "What a relief!"

"Yeah, really!" Haruna shared her sigh. "I was really afraid- wait a second, how can that be?! There's no way they can keep anyone prisoner under the Tree! That's one of the most visited sites during the Festival! You must be malfunctioning, Peke-chan!"

Mami winced again. "The brooch talks, too? I... I'm not sure how to react to all of this, really, it's all too much, too quickly...!"

"That's the Curse of Ala Alba," Chisame said ominously. "Sorry, but your life's just been Ruined Forever."

"Oh, stop talking in Internet Memes, Drama Queen! It's not so bad at all!" Misa scoffed.

Negi managed to speak at last through Saber's fingers. "Maybe the Joker found the transmitter and tossed it there to throw us off his track!"

"Sorry, I should have been clearer, Princess Haruna, Professor Negi," Peke said. "What I meant is, the signal is coming from under your Tree... literally from under it! Deep underground, to be precise!"

"What?!" Evangeline gasped. "Are you serious, you piece of junk?! I've lived in Mahora for over a decade! I know all of its secrets! And this is the first time I hear anything about any underground chambers beneath that Tree!"

"Did you know about the secret chambers deep under Library Island before Chisame-sama went down there, Eva-sama?" Matoi asked hoping to prove a point.

"Of course I did, that's where Kitami Reika-" Eva began, then quickly closed her mouth.

Chachamaru, Karin and Negi quickly stared at their collective Master. "Who is Kitami Reika?" they all asked as one. Matoi noded in approval at their hitting the perfect 'jealous lover' tone on the first try.

"N-No one! You idiots!" Evangeline growled acridly, refusing to meet their gazes.

"The secret harem of Eva-sama keeps growing on bigger and bigger!" Sakurako whistled. "Eva-sama, you're a real player...!"

"Well, she's had ten years," Haruna said, nodding. "I wouldn't be surprised if half the previous class A's lost their virginity to Eva-chan!"

"I don't have a harem!" Evangeline slammed a foot down. "Listen, that's just someone I studied with twelve years ago, when I met some other idiots who fooled around with magic, and why aren't you morons going to save your stupid friends already, anyway!"

"They aren't my friends, so I have no problems whatsoever listening to that story over lifting a finger for them," Karin shrugged.

"Karin!" Eva told her. "Go with Boya and help him, he might need your talent for, well, not dying!"

"I've just told you I don't want to go!" Karin roared. "What, do you think these are still the old times and you can order me around?!"

"Just do it!" Evangeline seethed.

Karin blinked, then recoiled slowly and grumbled. "... okay."

"That was fast!" Madoka marveled.

"No, no, wait, how are you even going underground in the first place?!" Mami demanded to know. "Are you just going to dig some gigantic tunnel for you to-"

"Um, yeah, we can do that," Konoka nodded. "Paru once drew a giant drill vehicle and used it to infiltrate under a demon barrier while we were kidnapped by a Devil Count! It was awesome!"

"Damn right it was!" Haruna reminisced.

Mami grimaced, her face twitching, before opting to squeal out a weak "Okay..."

"I told you so," Chisame told her. "Your life's doomed, you fool! DOOMED!"

"Seriously, Chisame, the poor girl's having enough problems adjusting to this as it is!" Misa said. "You're only making it worse for her!"

Madoka and Sakurako blinked in shared shock. "Misa!" Madoka gasped.

"You're being the reasonable and sensible one in a discussion!" Sakurako added, just as stunned.

"Okay, maybe it's you who are being replaced by a doppelganger, and not me," Madoka observed.

"I think I may need new best friends," Misa sighed, putting an arm around the wary Mami's shoulders. "Would you be interested, Hon? We actually popular gals should stand together, you know..."

"Seriously, why do you guys keep on saying I'm popular?" Mami asked back. "The closest thing to being popular I can claim is Sasaki-san's non-scary mother stalking me on Facebook and the days she visits!"


"Suzushiro-kun!"

She heard the shout for her while on her way to the Haunted House, taking a shortcut through a wide green field free from wanderers and strollers (one of the reasons being it barely had any bushes to hide in to have sex. She chose to ignore the random people clearly having sex under blankets). They'd talked a few times due to Haruka's academy-wide administrative duties, but today he was sounding oddly more commanding and authoritative than usual. Her mind being so busy right now, this barely registered, however. It probably wouldn't have registered if her hadn't been busy either, since she used that time to worry about Yukino, but at least she has a likelier excuse now.

She turned around, frowning at the approaching man in a light shirt and working pants, who was being followed by an exotic-looking attractive woman in a black bikini. "Akashi-sensei," Haruka gave him a polite nod while reserving a look of distrust for the woman. She looked fairly familiar, but from where...?

"Where's Yuuna right now?" the man demanded, stopping shortly before the young woman in the white two-piece.

Haruka frowned, not sure what to think about this sudden curt tone in his normally gentle voice. Despite the appearances, Haruka was fairly smarter than she was given credit for most often, being an efficient organizer, and she quickly deduced he had learned at least a few things about his daughter. "I'm not sure, I was going to meet her, actuallity. I tried calling to rest and the rest of the Club, but- cellphones seem to have been working sporedly at best..."

"Sporadically," the strange woman calmly supplied.

"That's what I've just- Who might you be, anyway?" Haruka demanded. "As a part of the Committee, I am fully authoracted to question foreign elements on their presence at-"

"She's with me, that's all the explanation you need," Akashi sharply said, gesturing for the woman to follow him as he briskly marched ahead. He could have brought her along in her Spirit form, but he knew Yuuna would demand to see her as soon as they'd meet, and if that happened while in public, it'd make keeping the appearances all that much more difficult.

Haruka, who hated being brushed aside like that, vigorously stomped after them. "Akashi-sensei! I think I should remind you, it's bad for the students' moral involving oneself, as a public example, in secret relation-shippings!"

"You don't even know what's happening here, so please stay out of it!" Akashi retorted, not looking back at her while Caster pondered the situation in an intrigued silence.

Haruka bristled. "Well, maybe you'd do well to enbrighten me on the subject, then!"

"Nothing of your business, sorry!" the obviously incensed teacher said, about to reach the top of the small hill behind which the Haunted House waited.

"Sir!" Haruka said. "As a Secretary of Discipline for the English Research Society, and even a friend of your daughter, I believe I'm also entitled to...!"

"You, a friend of Yuuna?" Akashi huffed before sharply spinning back on his heels, facing Haruka. "Well, that's news to me, but maybe then you could start telling me about some of the things you all do behind closed doors!"

Haruka scowled. "What are you trying to imply here, Sensei?"

"Well, if anything, he's been too understanding about the whole situation," Caster intervened with a faux air of oblivious sweetness. "What with all of the rumors flying around the campus about that little club of yours, Miss..."

"Unknown factors of likely danger will stay silent!" Haruka said. Then the other shoe finally dropped and Haruka gasped, recognizing the face from Kuro-san's display at the Konoe home. "Wait... Of course you looked so dangerous! You're her! The divorced rebound wife Caster!-!"

Caster sighed. "They don't call this the 'Age of Information' for nothing, I see. The Age of Too Much Information, I 'd say... Tell me, young lady, how would you even know about my-"

"Please be quiet," her Master growled behind clenched teeth. "We aren't admitting anything until she does."

"Do you know what you're involving yourself into by associnating with that, that kind of person, Sensei?!" a livid Haruka pointed at Caster, who merely rolled her eyes around before tensing up. "You are literially bringing death itself to Yuuna-san's doorstep! Because she'll kill you! And then she'll kill her! Or the other way around!"

"I'm starting to think," Akashi protested, "that's something you girls and boys are doing already!"

"Master," Caster flinched, tugging on his sleeve.

"Far from it!" Haruka remained defiant. "If anything, we're helping her to stay safe and alive through the mined field that is this school! A place where, it appears, you would leave children in the dark about how dangerous, well, everything is!"

"Why yes, on the subject of danger..." Caster spoke.

"Not now, please!" Akashi and Haruka told her at once.

Caster frowned in such a menacing way her Master instantly regretted in tone and flinched back, although Haruka only sneered. A second later, however, the blonde stiffened in alarm as small black humanoid creatures, the very same kind who had vexed Tomoe Mami and accompanied the Joker before, literally began sprouting and breaking through the ground, sending chunks of grass everywhere, and making loud inhuman noises that were horrible to listen to as they rose all around the three.

"This is your work, I assume," Haruka icily told Caster while Akashi gasped, reaching for the wand in his shirt.

Caster shook her head. "I don't even recognize these creatures." Not from her time as a priestess and later witch, and not from any of the Maginet searches she had done since her summon, to better accustom herself to this alien new world. "I imagine you don't know them either?"

"I know what they're going to be. Dead," Haruka growled, as she brought her hands together and materialized her massive mace between them with a whisper of "Adeat."

Then all of the small clawed beings of darkness, with shrill mad yells, jumped directly for them.


Meanwhile, under the World Tree:

"I love you, Negi-sensei!" Nodoka proclaimed. "If it's all right with you, please b-b-b-b-be my boyfriend!"

"I love you too, Negi-sensei!" Yue added. "Nothing would make me happier than if I could be your girlfriend... But! Um, I mean, I talked it over with Nodoka. And if you don't mind, maybe we both could be your- your-! Ah, I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself! How silly of me. A-A-A-Anyway, um! I... I love you!"


The Joker, Touko, the Heartless and Quartum were all giving Nodoka and Yue a bland, disapproving glare now. Yue thought it looked disturbingly like the face from that one Internet frustration meme taken from that American animated series Haruna liked so much.

Yue frowned, blushing intensely. "W-Well? What do you think?"

"Laaaaaaaame!" Touko cringed. Nodoka thought it was a bit disturbing she'd beat even the homicidal maniacs to make fun of their dreams.

Joker nodded. "Yeah, hate to tell you girls, but she's right, that's a lame-ass way of confessing. And then, what's supposed to happen?"


"Y-Yes, I know!" Negi gasped. "And I'm so honored, really! Thank you very much, Nodoka-san, Yue-san. B-But! I don't deserve it. I'm very flattered, but... it'd never work out, I'm sorry."

Nodoka sniffled. "Yes. We know that, too. You love her."

He bowed as deeply as he could. "That doesn't mean I dislike you or anything! I'm sure you'll make someone extremely happy someday, but, but...!"

And then both of them placed their hands on his scalp. "Hush, please," Yue whispered. "That's okay. We understand perfectly."

"It's all right, Sensei," Nodoka nodded with a beautiful sad smile. "Thank you for giving us a honest answer."

"Yes..." Yue sighed. "That's a load off my mind. Now, however, don't you think you have something else to do...?"


"And we'll finally drop on the grass as we see him run away from us forever," Nodoka said, moved to tears. "She'll reject him that day, because she won't be ready yet, but he never gives up, so eventually, he will get to marry her, and we always will be happy for him because of that..."

"Laaaaaaaamer!" Touko, Quartum and Joker said all at once.

Yue snorted, lifting her nose up. "You don't understand the frail, tragic beauty of a doomed romance!"

"Like hell I do, just because I've written that crap once in a while doesn't mean I support it in real life!" Touko argued. "If you really want that boy so much, who cares about that cold fish bitch, just run over her and get him for yourselves! Right, Joker-san?"

Their kidnapper nodded sagely. "Love is a war where you don't take any prisoners. Thinking otherwise is just foolish!"

Nodoka blinked. "You really think so?"

"Nodoka!" Yue said. "You're not going listen to them, are you?!"

"Well, we did ask for their opinion in the first place," Nodoka reasoned. "And for all their flaws, they still gave it fair and square, didn't they?"

"You know, I know this really stealthy and efficient killer for hire guy, Deadshot," Joker said. "Not a messy person like Yomi, as long as you pay him well enough he'll take care of that bitch for you, clean and precise, no track leading to you girls. Think about it, seriously. I think Harley has his phone number somewhere..."

"Your girlfriend has another guy's phone number on her and you aren't following your own advice on romantic rivals?" Yue had to smirk nastily.

Joker huffed. "They're just former colleagues who worked together for a short while, that's all... Regardless, he's already on my Kill List anyway!"

"Everyone's in your Kill List," Quartum reminded him.

"That's just a technicality!" Joker barked.


The Haunted House:

"Well, before we leave," Negi sighed with a fatalistic air of accepted annoyance, "I suppose some of you are going to ask me for a Pactio next?"

"Dammit, brat," Asuna said, "a moment like this, and all you can do is think about kissing women again?"

"What's a Pactio?" Mami blinked innocently.

And Negi sighed again. "Far from it, Asuna-san. However, I know I haven't made Contracts with a few of you yet, and I was reasonably sure those might offer themselves, even if unnecessarily, to help with this, for which you might think you would need a powerup..."

"Negi-sama, if I wanted a Pactio with you, I'd have asked for it long ago," Matoi explained. "I'm sure the natural strength of my DEEP LOVE is enough to protect you and Chisame-sama!"

"This rare moment, when the stalker speaks with the most wisdom of us all," Satomi hummed thoughtfully.

"Why would I do such a thing with you?" Karin acidly asked him. "I barely know you at all, and you don't look like a trustworthy leader to me."

"I see," Negi nodded, not really bothered at all by the insult. "How about you, Illya?"

"Your answer is going to be 'no' even if I threaten you with Berserker, right?" Illya guessed.

Negi simply nodded.

Illya smirked and shrugged. "I'll wait until you feel, ahem, properly motivated then! An Einzbern doesn't stoop low enough as to get scraps off the floor through mere trickery, after all!"

"I am very thankful for that," Negi sincerely said. He looked at Chachamaru next, the gynoid simply gaining a faint blush on her cheeks and looking aside in silence. He inhaled and added for everyone. "Okay, I'll take Chisame with me, since the Joker is bound to have technological and electronic defenses around his hideout. Chachamaru-san, I'd be thankful if you could come along as well, as support in that line as well as providing your firepower." While Karakuri nodded dutifully, he bowed. "My eternal thanks. We also need Haruna-san to pilot the drill vehicle, naturally, and I believe we could use Lala-san's technical expertise and fighting prowess, too."

"I'll be glad to help!" Lala grinned, although her expression looked a bit more murdery than usual. Rito muttered, not sounding all too happy, but made no actual protests that went registered.

"Thanks to you too," Negi nodded. "And of course, Karin-san is welcome to tag along, since Master wishes it so. So is Matoi-san, since let's admit it, she's going if Chisame's going. And Asuna as well, naturally, because of her anti-magic abilities..."

"I think that's not enough firepower to face my sister and Quartum, Sensei," Setsuna protested. "You know you can count with me, as well."

Negi shook his head. "Having you there would only spur Tsukuyomi to fight more fiercely, Setsuna-san. I'll summon you or Konoka-san if we need you at any point, but... actually, to take care of Quartum-san and Tsukuyomi-san, I'd like to know if we can be assisted by Saber-san, and perhaps, if I'm not asking for too much, by one of our new friends from Chaldea. Taking a bigger party along into unknown territory might be actually more dangerous than helpful, I believe."

"Sure thing, I'll go," Mordred easily offered herself.

Ritsuka blinked. "Are you sure, Mo-san?"

His Saber shrugged. "Why not? I'm not chickening out of going where Father and his boytoy are heading! The rest of you better start searching for that pillar already, it must be growing up a lot by now..."

Kiyohime sneered. "Finally, some common sense from you... Well! Since you are being reasonable this once, I'll wish you the best of luck, Saber!"

"She's only doing it to look better and gain more bond points with Master, tho'," Tamamo warned her friend-rival.

"I AM NOT!" Mordred slammed a boot down. "I just want to go kill jesters with Father, what son wouldn't like to do that at some point of his life or another?!"

"Yeah!" Lala said. "It was a favorite weekend activity of Father and I when I was little!" When she got several annoyed looks her way, she blinked cluelessly. "What? Clowns and the like are always creepy no matter the planet!"


Interlude: Inugami Kotaro.

"Hey, Kotaru-kun," Abiru said as the three of them passed by a karaoke parlor, advertising several contests for the next few days. "Would you like to come here after your tournament's done?"

"Hmm? Well, okay, if that's what you want," the boy shrugged. "Mom always says I've got a good singing voice, so at least I know I won't be embarrassing myself."

"What's your favorite song, Kotaro-kun?" Harumi asked. "Something very traditional and Japanese, I'll bet!"

"Well, if I'm being honest, I'm really into an old American song right now," was his answer. "I can't figure out much of the lyrics, but I know it's a thrilling ode to being a manly man! It never fails to pump me up!"

Cocking a fist up, he sang in mangled English while drawing several looks from passersby, "Macho, macho man, yeeeah! I gotta be a macho man! Macho, macho man, hey hey! I gotta be a macho!"

Harumi and Abiru briefly stopped and gave him matching empty stares.

Kotaro stopped as well and snorted at them. "What? Not like I'm expecting a girl to understand, but-"

"Kotaro-kun," Harumi pushed her glasses up with a finger, "did you ever learn the band that sang that theme is a well known icon for the-"

Abiru quickly pressed a hand on Harumi's mouth. "- ultra-conservative, woman-demeaning hyper-macho community?"

Kotaro blinked, then scoffed and began walking away. "So what if they're fans of Jersey Shore? You girls make a fuss out of everything! Just because a guy's proud to be a guy and boasts about it, that doesn't mean we don't like girls or anything!"

While Harumi's mouth remained blocked, she stared angrily at Abiru.

Her bandaged roommate shrugged. "Even 3-F has to keep some standards, Haru-chan. We'd just crush the poor guy..."

Harumi kept on staring.

"Besides," Abiru added, "if he keeps thinking that way, there's a good chance you'll eventually see him and Negi-sensei singing that song together."

Now that was a language Harumi did understand, so she nodded and Abiru finally let go of her mouth.


Meanwhile, near the Haunted House, Haruka kept on grunting and smashing back against the increasing numbers of shadow creatures continuously spawning from the ground. So did Akashi-sensei, throwing blasts of magic all around him like a normal man would throw fireworks around... well, your mileage may vary on whether a man throwing fireworks in all directions at once could be normal to begin with, anyway.

It didn't seem to be working, and actually neither were Haruka's physical strikes and slams. Oh, sure enough, they would hit the little monsters invariably, and most often it would look like they were destroyed, but they regenerated just as quickly, and over the last few minutes they had been surrounding the trio more and more tightly, their ranks ever growing; clawing and slashing, they had left several red marks across the humans' legs already, and each time they would hit higher. Caster was not being of much help either, not that Haruka was surprised; even if she wasn't behind the attack in the first place, something Haruka was still suspicious about, she had overheard Kuro-san once mentioning Casters tended to be as useless in direct combat as they came...

The woman, so far, mostly seemed to do little but standing there with her eyes closed, holding a large curved dagger before herself and softly chanting under her breath. Haruka chose not to dwell on where she'd been keeping that weapon the whole time (the actual answer being she had just summoned it as soon as the conflict started, actually) and instead yelled at her, "Hey you! If you can do something about this, do it now, will you?!"

"... How bothersome," Medea muttered with a firm clench of teeth before her eyes grew fully open again. And she all but shouted, defiantly. "Noble Phantasm! Rule Breaker, Breaking All Charms!"

"... what?!" Haruka screamed, before Akashi simply took hold of her and pulled her down roughly with himself, trying to shield her with his body. A second later, she swung the dagger in a clean arc around herself, and all Heartless shuddered abruptly, collapsing to wobble knees and letting out hideous cries the likes of which Haruka had never heard before.

Then the Caster made a hard smile. She shook her hand, replacing the dagger with a long ornate staff that appeared between her fingers. A wide purple cape settled around her shoulders, unfurling like demonic butterfly wings on her back, and she rose several feet above the ground quite quickly, while half a dozen of glowing magic circles manifested themselves, floating around her. Taking aim with her staff, the sorceress pointed down and laughed briefly, blasting down at the fiends with several blasts of magical bombardment that dwarfed Akashi's and left Haruka open mouthed.

Even so, Haruka's sense of duty remained the same through her awe, and when it was all finally over, she was the one now covering Akashi with her body, the teacher surprised at how strong this young lady was, and how she'd kept him sfaely pinned under her after turning the tables on him. Mostly unhurt, she rose back to stare at Caster as the Servant slowly floated down to her feet, the wings disappearing again, the woman elegantly pulling her hair back with a twirl of a wrist.

"You're strong, for what I expectered of you," the Vice President admitted.

"Servants, even the weakest ones, are much stronger than the average mankind has to offer these days," Caster said coldly, her tone growing much warmer as she walked past Haruka and helped Akashi back to his feet. "Are you okay? Sorry it took me so long, but you know how it is..."

"It's okay, thanks. Sorry for not being a stronger Master," he softly apologized, hugging her and patting her back while the last dispersed black specks of the obliterated Heartless fluttered away in the breeze. "How did you-"

"I deduced out, from their obviously alien nature," Medea observed clinically, "that they were bound to this world through an area effect magic from whoever their Master is. Through Rule Breaker, I struck at the field itself that kept their existence here steady, and then I simply finished them as I saw fit."

"And you couldn't have done it the other way around?" Haruka said. "You know, cut them off AFTER you blasted them to bits?"

"… no, of course not," Caster said, suspiciously not making eye contact. "I-If that were possible I w-would have done it that way! Certainly!"

"I see," Wataru nodded in understanding, giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "Just like I expected of you. Your keen eye for strategy is unmatched indeed..."

Yuuka had passion and unmatched drive while plowing through the battlefield, but Medea's observation and analysis of the field was just as effective in its own way. Akashi smiled sadly at himself over the comparison he couldn't help but making in his mind. Truly, he'd been blessed with great women to fight by his side, even if he wished the need for fighting would just disappear already...

Somewhere in Chaldea, Emiya Kiritsugu didn't sneeze, but he did shudder ominously.

"Well, yes, that was impressionative enough, I guess," Haruka grunted, letting her morningstar rest by her side at last. "But I doubt you're half as strong as Saber-san."

Caster and Wataru immediately gave her alarmed looks. "You've met the Saber of this War?!" the teacher demanded.

"YOU'VE met her, Sensei!" Haruka said. "She's... well, Saber-san!"

Wataru blinked. "... you mean... Negi's newest student?! Einzbern-kun?!"

Haruka groaned. "You mean you didn't know? After her first name's Saber and her family name's Einzbern?-! The only way it could have been more obvious was if she walked around waving a sign and challenging people for the Holy Grail, and only because he talked her out of it!"

"In my defense, it'd be just like the Einzberns naming one of their children after a Class," he argued. "I've always heard they're insanely obsessed with the Grail War. And that they had an albino fetish."

"Okay, you might have a good point there," Haruka admitted, rubbing her chin and thinking of Illya and- "Ah! By the way, we've also met the Temptress, the Berserker, the Rider, the Lancer, the Monster and the Vigilante! And Chachamaru allegedly met the Trickster."

"Vigilante? Temptress? Trickster?" Wataru flinched. "Is there a Class named like that, really?"

"Much like mankind itself, Grail Wars have greatly degraded over time, from what I have gathered," Caster mused aloud. "There's actually a Class called 'Bob' of all things."

Haruka nodded. "He's a talking duck."

Caster frowned in disgust. "Aren't you sure that's not a swan? Zeus might be trying to infiltrate your ranks, and assuming that shape might give him enough of a chance to sneak into a Class container despite his divinity. He might have impregnated you already."

"He's a duck, he's no god or swan at all, and he's definiotely not impugnated me!" Haruka protested.

"Why would he impersonate a duck when he can just impersonate Negi?" Akashi said. Haruka nodded in agreement.

Caster shrugged. "If you say so. Then, Yuuna's newest classmate is a Saber? What a fiendish way to hide in plain sight. Are you sure you aren't leading me to her to dispose of me?"

"I hadn't thought of that yet," Haruka said, "but now that you mention it, that's not such a bad idea..."

"She's just saved your life!" Akashi angrily pointed out.

"Sorry, maybe I've spent too long around McDowell-san and Saotome-san of late," Haruka apologized.


Under the Tree:

"There's something wrong," Quartum declared then, standing from his sitting position on the floor and keeping his eyes fixed on the figure resting within the coffin-like construct.

"My favorite sentence in the whole world, right after 'Mark Hamill As'," Joker grinned again, while the Heartless around his legs grew restless, flexing their claws and sharing quick, eager glares with each other. Nodoka and Yue had the bothersome impression the Clown Prince had actually been waiting for something like this... whatever it was... to happen. "So what it is, Quarty?"

"I'm not sure," the Averruncus unit said. "But suddenly, I felt a pulse of sorts beating inside of the Master's chest. Not a heartbeat, and nothing I had ever felt before. But, I had the impression it... didn't belong to her."

Joker caressed his long, pointy chin with a hand. "Maybe it's the host body acting up? I suspected we'd be disturbing Sleeping Beauty's rest if we settled shop here."

"Then why didn't you say so before?" Quartum asked.

Joker shrugged. "Because I like it when things go off the rails, duh?" He stepped closer to the gigantic capsule, tapping on its surface with his cane. "What's the problem, my good man? Struggling with your literal inner woman? Upset stomach? I haven't started redecorating your tomb yet, so that can't be it..."

Touko tried to get a better look back over her shoulder. "Is that... thing really alive after all?"

"Who knows," Yue had to confess. "He looks very well-preserved, and someone like Sensei's father wouldn't die so easily, so I suppose it's entirely possible he's been in some state of suspended animation all these years."

"He had to have been active five years ago, didn't he?" Nodoka wondered, remembering about the vision of Negi's past Haruna had told them about. "I, I have no idea how they'd bring him here back then without any of us noticing..."

"That," Temptress said, appearing out of thin air by the chairs' side, but ignoring the girls and coldly addressing Joker instead, "is a sign of him becoming a Demon Pillar."

"Temptress-san!" Nodoka gasped, trying to edge away from her as best as she could,

"So this is that Servant you spoke about after Kyoto?" Yue frowned, taking a good look at Temptress' small cute face. "Weird, she looks kind of familiar to me too..."

Temptress deigned them with a tiny cocky smile. "Well, you always were one of the most perceptive ones, Yuecchi. Weren't you?"

Yue lifted an eyebrow. "Do we know each other?"

"Oh, now we do," Temptress smiled sultrily, reaching over to gently caress her cheek with a hand while Nodoka bristled and Touko made a rather funny face. Before the blushing Yue could do anything but gasping and stuttering, Temptress pulled the hand away and walked towards Joker and Quartum. "As you'll remember, I've made a point of gathering information about the multiple timelines phenomena from when I... was alive. There was an... occasional ally, sometimes enemy, to us back then, who hailed from an alternate timeline herself and had cataloged several of them along her travels. At some point, I... appropriated her research and even expanded on it as best as I could," she lightly chuckled, Quartum eyeing her carefully as she slowly encircled the Lifemaker. "And in at least one of those doomed timelines she once escaped from, there was a global attack from entities known as Demon Pillars, the devils from Ars Goetia, the slaves of King Solomon. It makes sense now, doesn't it, they'd use the greatest mage of this era as a vessel for the local servant of the Greatest Mage of History."

Quartum huffed. "There's never been a greater mage than the Master!"

"Then how come she's twice trapped, within her greatest foe and then buried under a mere school?" Temptress taunted him, rapping her small knuckles on the tank. "Anyway, I've been monitoring this being while you wasted your time entertaining the hostages, and even before you realized it, I got slight readings of power clearly demonic in nature. Those weren't there when we first arrived here, and they started around the same time I also got readings of several new Servants popping up all over Mahora. This only can mean what 'that girl' once cataloged, the incursions from beyond by the Ars Goetia."

"Mind translating all of that for those of us who are not chuuni freaks caught in your complicated roleplay?" Fukawa asked.

"Shut up, you're nothing but an incidental hostage," Temptress sniffled her way, not bothering to tease her. "Explanations are wasted on the likes of you!"

Joker chuckled Hamilly, tapping a foot down. "I see! Well, it sucks to be you, Tempy. You barely stood a chance of winning this Grail War thing when there were only, oh, two dozen other Servants around, and now there are even more of them to block your way? I'd feel sorry if I were that kind of guy, he he."

Temptress waved a hand nonchalantly. "Never mind that, I'm sure we can manipulate them into attacking each other so we only have to pick the pieces up. I'm more worried about the Demon Pillar itself. Those demonic beings were created to raze mankind and destroy history and civilization themselves."

"And the bad part about that is...?" Joker asked.

"They won't be making any exceptions with us, that's your bad part right there," Temptress scoffed.

"Still not seeing a downside," Joker said.

"They'll destroy all the Klondike bars," Temptress sighed, rolling her eyes.

"BASTARDS!" Joker suddenly roared.

"Okay," Touko frowned, "I think I get it now, somewhat, despite you being secretive assholes to me. Basically, there's some sort of creature named a Demon Pillar... why you'd call it a Pillar when it's a living being is still beyond me though... lurking within that hooded man, in addition to the lifeform of the undead female mage you mentioned before. And now, that Pillar creature is starting to stir up and soon will try to kill us all, right?"

"Riiiiiight," Temptress nodded, basically unfazed and still looking at the Mage of the Beginning's silent and still frame. "Maybe you should've been a fantasy writer instead of devoting yourself to thrillers, you know?"

"Actually, I've been in talks with my editors about that," Touko admitted. "Anyway, then the course of action is clear, right? Just kill that thing before it wakes up! You're all deranged killers, right? Why aren't you killing it already?!"

"Because even to us, it's all but impossible to kill, that's why, idiot," Temptress sneered. "Yes, even you, Joker-san, so please put that thing down at once. Honestly, can't you think of a different cliché?"

Joker growled, still stubbornly holding the growling and huge chainsaw he'd just turned on up. "Who are you, my mother?" There was a pause. "No, seriously, are you? One never can be sure with you Servants..."

Temptress rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Even if we could break through the containment unit in the first place, which we can't, that'd only wake the Lifemaker up, most likely. Maybe she would spare Quartum, but she'd have no use for the rest of us, and that'd be if she were running the show within Nagi Springfield's head. With a Demon Pillar thrown into the mix, she wouldn't spare even him... we're all things to be annihilated equally, and there's no reasoning with that kind of entities."

Joker let out a long whistle. "Izzat so? I think I'm in love."

"Harley and Batman will be so sad to hear you're cheating on them," Temptress snarked.

Quartum tightened a fist. "Will the indignities against Master never cease? First mankind does this to her, and now... now this?!"

"Well," Yue told Temptress, "if you're the expert on this subject, what are you going to do about it now?"

"I'm not sure," Temptress confessed casually. "I guess it doesn't matter much to me either way, once you're dead and then your plan upon revival relies on massive eradication these things don't make much of a difference anymore, but even so... I'd rather prefer it if I could find a way to save my Master, at the very least."

Nodoka blinked. "You mean Joker-san is NOT your Master?"

Joker and Temptress cringed fiercely at the same time, and then cried at her, "I'd never been so insulted in my whole life!-!"

"S-S-Sorry...! I just, I just assumed...!"

Temptress snarled and handed Joker the chainsaw. Joker wordlessly revved it to life. Quartum, in a rare moment of sanity, melted it out of his hands.

"Stop being so loud, you'll interrupt the Master's rest!" he said.


Somewhere, sometime else:

"Something's definitely wrong here," Astolfo, the Pink Trap Rider of Black, if that denomination makes any sense, said as he looked all around, his gaze sweeping over the scorched land they'd been transported onto as he made a 'thinking' face that would have done Winnie-the-Pooh proud.

"No, seriously?!" Fujimaru Ritsuko growled, slamming a boot down on the head of the latest darkness demon Nero had just pinned against the ground with her sword. "Well, thank you for the qualified opinion, no wonder my brother feels so close to you!"

"R-really?-!" Astolfo said happily. "Master said he feels close to me? YES!"

Around them, the rest of the landing party were just finishing the group of monsters that had attacked them as soon as they manifested themselves there. Boudicca was bashing what remained of a still-twitching black snakelike creature into the cracked ground, huffing roughly. Artoria Alter swiftly beheaded a winged wraith that had descended upon her moments ago spitting fire, the King's beautiful face betraying no emotion whatsoever. Charles Babbage's gigantic armored frame towered over several fallen imps, holding two of the remaining few by their heads and then bashing them together, crushing them into nothingness. Standing on an already cleared patch of the devastated neighborhood, Helena Blavatsky and Da Vinci conferred together while taking readings of the surroundings, hunchbacked over a few handheld measuring instruments and heatedly discussing the meaning of what they were currently showing.

Now that Ritsuko thought about it, she should have imagined shit would be this bad as soon as Da Vinci, after performing a few last minute analysis of the Singularity, made the last moment decision to accompany them into it, something that hadn't happened since Camelot. The rest of the in-site team was made of Nitocris and Raikou, who held together back to back eliminating a few stubborn gigantic beetles by a toppled building, the Berserker Vlad and Avenger Kotomine who had already cleared their sector up and currently studied the burning horizon line carefully, and the Rider Medb and Demon King Archer, who shared many a good cruel laugh as they crushed the dark twisted vermin currently fleeing them.

All in all, a team mostly fitting Ritsuko's... quirks and special needs. Of course, what she needed the most right now was an answer to the question she was currently screaming to the reddened skies. "Why, oh why is this, I ask you, Kami-sama?! I was promised this Singularity would be overflowing with great looking people in swimsuits! Your daughter told me I'd be enjoying a grand school festival, unlike all those crappy ones we had back at home! Why have you forsaken me...?! AND WHERE'S MY EGGPLANT?-!-?-!-?-!-?"

And then there were those two Ritsuko didn't consider part of the team (mostly because they still refused to be cozy with her) but had come along anyway, the two self-proclaimed goddesses, who were standing on a pile of rubble confering in secretive, urgent whispers among themselves. Urd, however, took a moment to gesture for Ishtar to wait a second, and then shout down at Ritsuko, "Aren't you concerned in the slightest about your brother, girl?!"

"Of course I am!" Ritsuko huffed, pouting and folding her arms. "But I know in my boners he's still alright, okay?! It's a twin thing! The Twin Sense, you'd know if you had one!"

After dislodging the last short demon stuck in her blade and kicking its body aside, Nero smiled and caressed her Master's shoulder. "Praetor's brother is a survivor indeed, I am sure we shall find him close enough! Rest easy, Master, since as long as I stand by your side, conquest of this realm is guaranteed!"

"Hm," Ritsuko huffed, frowning. "You know, this place looks almost identical to the burning Fuyuki. You sure you didn't send us to the wrong Singularity somehow, Sensei?"

Knowing the question was aimed at her, Da Vinci looked away from the other Caster and towards the young Master. "That is possible, I suppose, although impossible to confirm until we regain our connection with Chaldea. But I doubt it regardless. Our readings seem to match those we got from the Singularity destination before we Leyshifted, but-"

"They are somewhat altered," Helena completed the thought for her. "This Singularity seems to be trapped in a complicated state of temporal alterations interrupting and disturbing the normal flow of time, and endless recursion of time if you will. Most specifically, despite aiming for an arrival minutes after Ritsuka-san's, I think we arrived three full days after, instead."

"I don't understand a single thing of what you've just said!" Nobunaga growled. "Talk like a normal person would, wench!"

Blavatsky sighed. "What's so hard to understand? I've phrased it as simple as I could! Time's all out of shape in this Singularity, most likely because of the Crisis it's experiencing, so we're out of synch with Ritsuka-san's team."

"How so?" asked Boudicca. "If I'm understanding you correctly, they still should be somewhere around here, right? They shouldn't have fallen yet even if the situation has worsened over those three days. Not with Karna, Beowulf, Tamamo-no-Mae and Mashu-san in their ranks..."

Nero nodded. "The fox queen is my worthy rival, after all. It would take something able to take me down to defeat her, and so far this Singularity's challenges have proved themselves woefully unfit."

Ritsuko rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. "What have we said about teasing the Fates, Nero-chan?!"

"But Praetor, the Fates must be smiling at us as we speak!" the Red Saber protested. "For once, our ranks were not scattered all across the place upon arrival, saving us a lot of time!"

"No,we're not!" Urd called down to her. "We've got better things to do!"

"Yes, well, I'd say that's countered by how we've fallen in the middle of a post apocalyptic wasteland!" Boudicca argued, a grand arm motion sweeping along the view of the devastation. They were standing on something that had once been a massive city of sorts, but had been savagely ruined recently, by some sort of hideous cataclysm or another. A gigantic once proud tree stood weakly in the distance, its burning silhouette now more akin to that of an overgrown dying matchstick against the red skies. "It would look like the Grand Caster already prevailed in this Singularity!"

Urd grunted, approaching them with a grim expression and followed by a much more casually sedate Ishtar. "Yes. Yes, that would seem the case, wouldn't it? Perhaps I've lost both of my sisters now. In which case, however, I swear my revenge will be a-"

"You must be Urd-sama, right?" asked a female voice coming from the wreckage, where a short figure wrapped in a concealing dark cloak and hood now stood, facing the Servants and the blinking Master. The Heroic Spirits armed themselves and grew ready to do battle again, all other enemies in the area vanquished. "Whoa, whoa, stay chill, will you? I mean you no harm, seriously! I come in peace! Live long and prosper! May the Force be with you!"

"You're not a Servant," Da Vinci coldly noted what the rest of her fellow Legendary Souls were also feeling. "So who are you, and how are you connected to this?"

"Don't start thinking I'm at fault here, now," the stranger said. "I arrived rather recently, myself. Like the little purple-headed brainiac said, time's acting all wonky here, and I'm living proof of that... well, one of the last few living anythings around this place now, as a matter of fact!"

Oda Nobunaga hissed viciously, aiming her weapons even more intently at this mysterious person. "Cut that crap before I cut you down, you little piece of excrement! You were asked a simple question, so give a simple answer! Who the hell are you?"

"I don't think my name will mean anything to any of you," the stranger said. "Suffice to say, three days ago, your friends failed to stop this world's Demon Pillar from waking up. It slept under that tree," she pointed towards the burning giant past the smoking streets and buildings, "and when it revived, nobody was spared. It's too late to change that now. In hindsight, it was probably a bad sign when the first thing Ritsuka-san said when he saw it was 'at last, the sweet embrace of death!'."

Astolfo, Urd and Nitocris gasped as Nobunaga, Nero, Medb and Vlad simply sneered at the stranger's somber words. "Then why are you here?" Medb asked. "Because it sure looks like you knew where to find us to me, and you know even who we are supposed to be, from what you are implying. How can that be, when you are no Servant yourself?"

"200 Mana Prisms on them being another Assassin in disguise," Ritsuko said. "We need more Assassins around here, poor Koji-chan is getting overworked killing all those dragons…"

"I said it's too late to change that now," the stranger said, reaching into her clothes and pulling out a shiny, if badly beaten, golden watch attached to a long chain out. "But there's still a chance things can be changed in the past. Believe me, I should know." She lowered her head slightly, part of a lock of golden hair peeking out through the hood. "I've seen the big picture from the outside, after all."


Three days before that, Karin flinched uncomfortably all of a sudden.

Negi looked back at her after helping Chisame into Paru's large drilling machine, stationed behind the Haunted House at an angle where visitors entering from the front wouldn't be able to see it. Not that it mattered, since they could have just passed it off as Festival Stuff. "Something wrong, Karin-san?" he gently asked her.

"I'm not sure," the immortal admitted grumpily, rubbing herself up and down an arm. "I may not be able to ever die, but I still feel like someone's just stepped over my grave, somehow..."


To be Continued.


Omake: The Insult that Made a Superpowered Shounen Hero Out of Negi!

While sitting by the beachside on a towel, Negi and Chisame are enjoying a quiet afternoon under the sun when suddenly a few girls playing ball run past them, kicking sand on their faces!

"Hey!" Negi cries. "Stop kicking that sand in our faces!" See, it did happen like that. Would I lie to you?

"That freaking albino is the worst nuisance on the beach!" Chisame cries. "Well, other than Haruna... and Chamo... and the Occult Club guy from Honnouji... and Tsukuyomi... and that creepy priest and his arrogant boytoy... and-"

Negi goes to confront the rowdy leader of the band of girls like a gentleman, but his genteel observations are only brushed aside!

"Listen, Negi Springfield," the one-piece clad Sextum monotones in his face. "I would smash your face over this insolence... but you're so weak it could simply make the skin and flesh blow off your skull. And that would be messy."

As she walks away from the stunned boy, her female friends gather around her, clapping and giggling giddily.

"You showed him, Sextum-sama!"

"Ah! Sextum-sama is so cool!"

"Let me rub some suntan on you, Sextum-sama!"

"Please let's build happy summer memories together, Sextum-sama!"

Negi sniffles with a heavy heart, going back to his beach umbrella. "I have failed as a teacher and authority figure again...! But I'll get even some day, even if it takes 200 more chapters!"

"Oh, don't let it get to you, little boy!" Chisame sighs.


Back in his room, a frustrated Negi resorts to the arcane arts of the Maginet in his search for forbidden knowledge!

"Darn it! I'm sick and tired of being an underachieving action shounen lead! I'm still too much of a wimpy harem lead! I don't want to remain a Keitaro forever! I need some narrative cheat powerup to render the rest of my cast irrelevant, like a Bankai and Hollow combo, or a storybreaking Devil Fruit, or a set of transformations where my hair grows longer, spiky and glowing, or a rampaging beast sealed inside of me, or the 'One For All' Quirk! Ah! Evangeline Mc Dowell says she can give me a REAL immortal body, all right! I'll gamble a stamp and get her FREE book! Wait, if she's announcing her in the Net, why not to put an e-book for download instead? Hm, get a bigger penis? What good is that in a fight? Pass!"

Regardless of the motives of an arcane witch addicted to modern and vintage videogames alike, in a short time Negi has achieved a lean, fit muscle mass only surpassed by the children of Dragon Ball Z! Now he poses shirtless before a mirror and flexes his biceps, smiling proudly at his image! Exclamation points!-!-!

"Boy! It didn't take Charles Atlas- I mean, Master Evangeline to do this for me! And all it took were months of Training from Hell, dying twice, losing my humanity and virginity, and completely ruining the power balance of my series! At least I didn't lose that virginity to Charles Atlas, that might have been awkward!"

Next Beach Episode, Negi goes to confront Sextum again... but this time he's ready for her!

"What?" he growls at her. "You're here again? Don't we have any other End Bosses in this manga, other than the hooded guy who always drops in a single chapter? Here's something I owe you!" he says, socking her in the face.

"Why am I crucified to this glowing bubble in the middle of the beach?" wonders a nearby bikini-clad Asuna.

Now, however, Negi has no answers for this Baka! He's too busy basking in the admiration of the girls around him!

HERO OF THE MANGA.

"Gosh! You sure showed Sextum-sama, Negi... sama!"

"Please make us your disciples now, Negi-sama!"

"I'm interested in performing a sudden turn from the path I have been obsessively following during my whole life just because you gained me over to you by landing a punch on me, Negi Springfield," Sextum monotones to him. "Please take me savagely right here and now."

"Oh, Sensei!" Chisame sighs. "You're a real MAN after all!"

"Does it mean you'll be my girlfriend now?" he asks.

"Ew, of course not. You're still a kid!"

"Oh well, I won't be able to give you any children anyway."

"... say what?"


YES! Let me prove you I can turn you into a real man! Or a corpse most likely, but like anyone'd miss a weakling like you, right? No risks, no gains, Boyas!

I'm Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell, Emissary of Darkness, Apostle of Shadows, the Undying Witch, Dark Evangel! And now, through this unique promotion, I can turn you into a magically empowered black machine of destruction, a true Mid Boss of Evil! Are you fed up with all jocks, pretty boy rivals, stereotyped bullies, and sinister madly laughing villains in your everyday manga life? I can share with you the secret behind my incredible power, at the meager price of everything you have, including your worthless existence!

My 'Magia Erebea' training program will give you power beyond your wildest dreams, FAST! Just ask our only surviving happy customer! Don't waste your time and money with Pocket or Digital Monsters, Hearts of the Cards, Black Bibles, Detective Toys, Quirks, dragons sealed in your arm, or Kampfer bracelets! All those inferior methods are flaky and unreliable, and a few of them will literally turn you into a girl!

Don't delay! Become a leading Shounen Action lead, and eventually you'll even get your own terrible animated adaptation! What are you, a filthy and spineless coward? Are you going to let a child be more courageous than you? Call now, you idiot!


Legal Warning: Evangeline A.K. McDowell is not a legally sanctioned magical trainer, but the Clock Tower, the Fang Tower, Ariadne Academy, Hogwarts, the Atlas Institute, and the Kansai and Kanto Magic Associations have all failed to stop her, so she might have something to teach you regardless.

Subscribe now, and you will receive your own clone with shared genes from Kagurazaka Asuna, Princess of the Twilight.