Chapter 12-Dark Memories
There wasn't much to be said. He bowed low to the Central 46 who admonished him for his relationship with the human and then they excused him without pay for a month. He didn't care. He was going to use the time to find Motomi.
Every day he walked one district, hoping to feel her reiatsu or just see her. And every day his heart broke a little more. He missed her. He yearned to feel her touch, to see her do that little head tilt. One month passed and he resumed his duties. But he still searched for her as much as his duties would allow him.
His Taicho , Byakuya Kuchiki, kept him busy, hoping he would forget this girl. But he understood. He had loved like that and lost. But Renji, being stubborn would not give up. Renji moved like in a fog through his days, and then drank himself in a stupor until he forgot. Sometimes, he would awaken in the night covered in sweat, hearing the thump of her body hitting the car. It was almost enough to drive him insane that first few months.
He had failed to protect her. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, he wanted to kill that Kurotsuchi for allowing this to happen. He wanted… her.
Months had passed and then a year and things kept on as they were. His friends tried everything, even Rukia came and talked with him, trying to get him to move on, but it didn't help. He had lost his heart to her and he wasn't going to give up.
Renji was watching recruits going through training on a warm spring day. He was sweating under the hot sun and annoyed as each recruit failed to respond properly to his commands. "Do the drill again," He ordered. "Remember your footwork, do not rock on the back of your heels, your balance should be on both feet and centered!" He called, his voice rising. The new recruits would be the death of him; he couldn't remember seeing a worse lot. His train of thought was interrupted when he heard loud cursing and yelling coming from the eastern gate of the Seireitei. Someone was being brought in for some infraction.
"Get a move on." A loud voice commanded. Renji wasn't really listening but his training was being interrupted by the commotion. All the recruits stopped to see who was being brought in. He heard whispering among them as they rested on their swords.
"Ow, fuck! She kicked me," yelled the guardian. Curiosity got the better of Renji and he turned to look.
It was her. Motomi. His eyes widened and he felt as if he wasn't breathing. He slowly started walking towards her. She struggled with her captor and said obscenities under her breath. She looked up when she saw Renji's shadow. She had a cut on her face and she was sweating in the heat.
The guardian held up a basket of apples. "She was stealing food."
And then Renji felt it, her reiatsu. He continued to stare at her, his weight shifting on his feet. What had he wanted to say to her when he saw her? He had thought about it a million times in his head.
She stared back, her brow furrowing. In the sun Renji appeared to scowl and looked rather angry. "Well," she asked, "are you going to say something or just stare at me." She said, angrily.
Renji took a breath. "Are you hungry?" He asked, kneeling down in front of her. "Do you want the apples?"
"I'm….." She looked away. What was she supposed to say? Most people in the Soul Society never got hungry, but she did.
"She needs to be tested." Renji said finally. He wasn't surprised that she didn't recognize him that would be asking the impossible. But just being near her was enough to make his heart pound. "And get her something to eat."
"Yes, Abarai-sama." He answered, and led her away. Renji watched them go. She was here, in the Seireitei and exhibiting Shinigami powers. He tried to keep his stomach from flip-flopping at the sight of her. Now he knew what giddy felt like.
He returned to the recruits and gave another order but wasn't really paying attention in the slightest. Frustrated that he just couldn't take off after her, wrap her in his arms and carry her off to his bedroom, he leaned on his zanpakuto and thought about what to do.
The realization came to him. He would start over, he would ask her out, and try to get her to remember him.
XXX
"Try the drill again." Fukutaicho Tetsyzaemon Iba called to his new group of recruits. They all seemed to stumble over each other as they tried to remember their balance and footing. It was a sorry sight. He shook his head as Renji approached. Renji was eyeing Motomi's skill with her practice sword, she was good. "Were we ever this bad Abarai-san?" He asked, observing his recruits.
Renji laughed. "It was so long ago, but I certainly hope not."
"You seem to be in a better mood Abarai-san," Iba said, noticing Renji's sly smile and easy laugh.
He nodded. Yeah, he felt great. His eyes didn't leave Motomi as she trained, her balance was incredible and she stood out from the rest. "Do you mind if I spar with that one?" He asked, pointing the end of his zanpakuto at Motomi.
Iba looked up, "Go right ahead. She needs to spar with someone, she keeps beating the other recruits and they are all slightly afraid of her."
Renji chuckled slightly as he walked over to her. "Care to spar, M….recruit?" He asked. He almost said Motomi-chan.
Her eyebrows rose slightly in recognition. "You are that Shinigami from the day I got here." She said, cocking her head. She bowed to him. "Thank you for your help. I was going to come in person to thank you."
"I am Fukutaicho Renji Abarai. I was glad to be of service to you." He said, trying to be as formal as possible.
"My name is Motomi Sasaki." She said, raising her practice zanpakuto.
Yeah, Renji thought, you're my Motomi-chan.
She looked up at the man; he was so tall and good looking. He looked strong. She had heard about him from other women, he kept to himself mostly. There was a rumor going around that his love had died recently and he was heartbroken. She felt kind of sorry for him, but that didn't mean she would go easy on him.
She went at him, keeping her sword close to her body and her balance even. She tried the technique she has used earlier with her feet, trying to trip him, but he moved quickly and she wasn't successful. She got in close to him and he blocked her move. She could feel his hot breath on her face as he blocked her zanpakuto. She drew back.
Renji was enjoying sparring with her. He could smell her hair, the distinct smell of strawberries. He was having a hard time paying attention to her moves as he thought of that night they spent together. The only night they had before she was taken from him.
He frowned as she tried the tripping move again, and he almost ended up on his back. She was learning fast. The other recruits had stopped their practice to watch them. They heard the cheers and shouts urging Motomi on. They wanted her to beat him.
He tried a quick move on her and she ended up on her back, stunned from the sudden effort. He pointed his sword at her face. She was beaten and she didn't like it. Cat calls erupted from the group. Her face was getting red and he felt the familiar energy pulsing. He lowered his sword and pinched his nose with his fingers. He had a headache again.
"Sorry, I still have troubles controlling it sometimes." She said, rolling to get up. She took a deep breath.
"Yeah, will you calm your reiatsu? It's giving me a headache." He felt it again as it touched him slightly, like a caress of a lover's hand. It then retreated.
He watched her face change when he said those words. Her brow creased with thought. Why did that sound familiar? She thought, looking at the Fukutaicho who was still nursing his headache.
He shook the headache away. She was thinking hard, he could always tell when she was. "What are you thinking about?" He asked her.
"I'm trying to remember something." She said. "I feel like I've forgotten something." She chewed her lip thoughtfully and wiped the sweat from her brow.
Renji smiled. "Would you like to go out with me tonight, and see if we can remember together?" He asked, hopeful she would say yes. His eyebrows rose in question.
She was startled by his sudden request. She lowered her eyes and cocked her head. "Ok." She said, and he smiled.
XXX
Giddy. That was the word he used to describe this feeling. It would be a second chance for him and her. He didn't care if she remembered their life together from before, they could make new memories.
He was going to take Motomi out. They had never had a date in the real world, not really. He thought about surfing with her and kissing in the water. He tried to think of everything else but that night she died and . . . . He shook his head of the thought.
Renji looked up from his paperwork when his Taicho came in. "Abarai." He paused in front of his desk. "I heard you are going out with that new recruit tonight." He said. Renji nodded. He paused a moment and then continued. "Don't try to make her remember. Some things are better left forgotten. You can leave if you want." He said curtly, and walked into his office. Renji thought about what he had said. If she got her to remember will she remember that night she died, the pain?
He was giddy. It took him everything he had not to just bolt from his desk. He calmly said his goodbyes and headed over to the women's dorms to pick up Motomi for their date. Giddy, that word echoed in his mind. It was one of those crazy words that described his exact feeling.
He sighed. He straightened his hair as he walked, pulling the band tighter. He wanted to look nice. As he walked he started to hear voices nearby, the women were laughing.
"How do I look?" He heard Motomi asked. He smiled. He didn't want to eavesdrop but he couldn't help it.
"Let us fix your hair, Motomi-chan, you will look so cute with your hair up." One of the recruits said. He heard Motomi laugh again. He loved that laugh. "You are so lucky Motomi-chan, he hasn't been interested in dating anyone till you came, he's been brooding for over a year."
"A year? What happened?" She asked.
"What I heard is that he fell in love with a human. He was charged with her protection and then….." The girl mumbled so he didn't catch that part. "And then she was killed by a Hollow. She died in his arms." Renji frowned; he didn't like hearing that dark memory out loud.
Motomi sat pondering what she had heard. "That is so sad. Did he look for her? She has to be here in the Soul Society, somewhere."
"Yeah, I think he still looks for her. But he asked you out not her, so maybe he's moved on." The girl finished. Motomi shook her head and admired her hair up. It looked nice.
Renji knocked. "Hello," He said to the girl that opened the door. They all looked at him with that grin girls get when he was around. It made him uncomfortable. He scratched his head. "I'm here for Sasaki-san."
"Bring her back in once piece, Fukataicho Abarai." They called after the couple.
XXXX
As he walked he fought the urge to hold her hand. Instead, he started chewing on his thumbnail. He would have to break that habit again. "You look….beautiful." He said, walking slowly to match her pace.
"Thank you" She said, not looking at him. She was blushing. "Abarai-San…..can I ask you a question?" He nodded and stopped walking.
"What was the human girl's name, the one you fell in love with?" He paused, his Taicho's words echoed in his ears. Don't let her remember, some things are better left forgotten. He paused and took a breath.
"Motomi Sasaki." He watched her face as she considered his words. Her face grew pale, she started shaking. Her reiatsu suddenly shot out energy to all directions and then she fainted, Renji almost didn't have time to catch her as she fell.
