Lily was conflicted.
The guests had all gone home. Most had just bid the Potters farewell and then James had politely shown them down the path to the apparition point. Mrs. Potter had directed those who chose to floo home to the fireplace in the sitting room, leaving Mr. Potter to side-along apparate anyone who was too inebriated to get themselves home without any risk of splinching.
The hall was cleared and emptied within fifteen minutes of everyone vacating it; Lily was amazed. The room seemed even bigger once the tables and chairs were gone, the band and their little stage long departed as well. The chandeliers had been put out and the room was now dark and quiet, a strange and vast difference from less than an hour prior.
Lily wasn't sure what she was expected to do. What was the etiquette in such a situation? Was she supposed to ask to be taken home? It was pitch black outside. James couldn't possibly fly her home. It'd be freezing, not to mention how late it was getting; surely James was tired as well.
Mr. or Mrs. Potter could probably apparate her home. She didn't want to be inconveniencing though, and she felt awkward about asking. And maybe, if under veritaserum, she'd admit that she wasn't exactly ready to go home quite yet.
James hadn't said anything, but she wasn't sure what to make of that. Was she supposed to assume that she was staying the night? Or going home?
She knew that Remus was staying the night, but she also knew that that had been predetermined.
She sighed. She really was going to give herself a headache over this.
After a moment or two of hesitance, she wandered into the sitting room and sat with the few guests that still lingered, waiting for the fireplace while still grasping wine glasses. She'd wait for further instruction, she decided.
James shut the large front doors with drained finality. That was the last of the guests. Or, at least, the last of the guests that he had to deal with. He looked around the foyer. She had been there a minute ago.
"What's wrong, mate?" Remus asked.
James turned. "Where's Lily?"
Remus chuckled. "Still here," he assured. "I believe she just went into the sitting room."
James went to head that way but Remus grabbed his arm and turned him around. "Is she staying the night?" he asked.
James looked contemplative for a moment. "I think so," he said.
"Does she?" James waited for clarification. "Think so as well, I mean," Remus elaborated.
He considered this as well. "I don't know," he realized.
"Maybe you should go clear that up with her," Remus suggested.
"Right. Yes," James agreed. "Good idea, Moony." He clapped him on the shoulder and then continued into the sitting room, finding Lily perched at the edge of a loveseat. She was keeping to herself mostly as the green flames burst upwards in the fireplace and yet another guest went home.
He settled himself between her and a man who appeared to be falling asleep at the other end of the couch, his head lolling to one side though he still clutched a whiskey in his hand, the ice within the glass melting. He looked at the man and then at Lily with an amused smile. "So," he said.
Lily bit her lip to keep from laughing and waking the poor man. "So," she repeated.
"I'm in no way telling you that you have to," James began; he was looking anywhere but into her striking green eyes. His mother caught his avoiding gaze and smiled knowingly at him. "Oh Merlin," he muttered.
"Pardon?" Lily asked. "I didn't quite catch what you—"
"Nothing," James said quickly.
Lily looked at him strangely but didn't contradict. Crossing her ankles and tucking her hair behind ear she hummed a quiet yet confused agreement.
"What I meant to ask was whether you'd like to stay the night," James explained, "or…" he trailed off, hardly wanting to give her the option.
"Whatever is more convenient for your family," Lily answered politely. He gave her a disbelieving look. "Honest," she told him.
James didn't want her to stay if she didn't want to, not really. He wasn't going to have her stay for the sake of being polite. "What if both are equally convenient?" he posed.
She stared at him, a little annoyed that he had turned her politely articulated response around on her. Her eyes narrowed at him. "I don't want to overstay my welcome," she said finally. "You should have Christmas morning to yourselves."
"Let me try again," James said. "It may be a little less convenient if my parents have to escort you home." He paused and gauged her reaction before adding, "But it is completely your choice."
She laughed but the smile she gave him was noticeably grateful. "In that case, I'll stay," she decided.
"Brilliant," James told her with a grin. He jumped up from his spot on the couch and grabbed her hands without thinking, pulling her up after him.
"Whoa," she said in surprise. She didn't quite catch her footing in time and nearly fell right over.
James swiftly moved his hands to her arms and pulled her upright. "So was it just the one glass of champagne then?" he asked teasingly.
"Yes," she replied with a half-hearted scowl.
"Didn't sneak anything while we weren't looking?" James pressed.
"No," she drew out. "I just wasn't ready to be yanked from my seat."
James winced. "Sorry."
"Right," Lily said. She looked about the room. It was empty now, besides them and the gentleman on the couch. "Should we…" She gestured at the man, all but drooling on the light blue upholstery.
"Oh." James held up a finger for her to wait just a moment and then stepped around her to shake the bloke's shoulder.
"Wha?" the man mumbled.
"David?" James guessed.
"Davies," he garbled.
"Davies," James repeated. "Right. Did you come here with someone?"
The man nodded, but the movement slowly morphed into being a shake of his head.
"No?" James asked.
Mr. Potter strolled into the room then. He took a look at the man. "Oswald!" he exclaimed. "What are you still doing here, mate? Your wife left just minutes ago."
"Did she?" Oswald asked. "Must've missed that."
Mr. Potter laughed, turning to James and Lily. "You two go on up to bed," he instructed. "I've got him."
It took Lily a second to realize that he had addressed both of them; she was glad to know that James' parents were okay with her staying. And especially glad that she didn't have to ask or bring it up herself.
James nodded. "Goodnight."
"Lovely to meet you," Lily added.
"Fantastic meeting you," Tobias returned.
Once upstairs, Lily realized that she hadn't brought anything with her. She wasn't exactly comfortable to sleep in her jeans and Christmas sweater. Surely she'd get too warm anyway. And sleeping in just her skivvies seemed completely out of the question and unacceptable for her. She wouldn't even sleep her own bed that way. She'd feel much too exposed.
"James?" she asked.
"Yeah?" They were heading towards her room. James hadn't even turned in the direction of his at the top of the stairs, he'd just begun to lead her towards the spare bedroom she'd occupied earlier.
"If it isn't too much trouble, do you think I could borrow something to sleep in?" she questioned.
He stopped walking. "Sure," he said easily, turning on his heel and going back the way they had come. "Come on."
When they arrived in front of his door, she was a little taken aback. She'd assumed that she'd borrow something from his mother once again. Not that she was going to complain though, anything would be better than sleeping in a scratchy wool jumper and stiff jeans.
Lily took a seat on the couch in his room, immediately picking up the book she'd left there. She opened to the middle of the thick treasury and ran a hand over the page. The illustrations were beautiful.
"Would these fit you?" James emerged from his wardrobe holding a pair of old and worn pyjama bottoms, blue and green plaid.
She stood and went over, inspecting them, they looked a little long.
"I think I wore these back in fourth year," James mused. He held them up against her hips and she tried not to jump at the contact.
The hem of the trousers collected on the floor, covering her shoes, though the waist seemed as though it might have fit her. She sighed. "You're very tall," she commented.
He chuckled. "And these are from fourth year," he reminded. "I don't think I have anything shorter."
"I'm not short," Lily protested.
"Please," he said, stepping closer and proving his point as she automatically tilted her head back to keep eye contact.
He could have kissed her right then.
Instead he stepped back, smirking at her before once again going back to look through his clothes.
When he reappeared he had lost his jacket and rolled up the white sleeves of his shirt. "How about this?" he asked, reappearing with boxer shorts and an old t-shirt.
She shook her head. "I'm not wearing your knickers," she refused. That was a line that would not be crossed.
"They're not knickers," he contradicted indignantly.
"Fine. I'm not wearing your underwear then," she amended.
He looked skyward. "Princess," he muttered in exasperation, audibly for Lily's benefit.
Her mouth dropped open and her expression was obviously affronted.
"Kidding," he said with a laugh. "Honest. Hang on, I'll look for something else." He fixed her with a grin that her left no choice but to believe that he was, in fact, joking around and then he disappeared yet again.
He came out a moment later, his tie gone and the first couple buttons of his shirt undone. Clearly, he was getting ready for bed as well. "Here," he said, tossing her a faded green, long sleeved shirt.
She caught it, her fingers running over the worn and soft fabric. It did seem appealing. "There's no bottoms," she noted.
"You don't need any," he told her. "You're little."
"I'm not that little," she said, looking a tad scandalized at the notion of going without pyjama bottoms.
"Yes, you are," he said, sounding rather sure of himself. He pushed her towards the closet. She looked doubtful. "Try it on," he told her, ushering her into the space and closing the door, leaning against it as she tried to push her way back out.
When he heard her huffed, "Fine," and her footsteps as she relented and shuffled away from the door, he deemed it safe to relax on the couch and wait for her.
She stepped out a minute later, the pink dress she'd been wearing now draped over her arm and hanging in front of her legs.
"I'm half naked," she stated.
"I wish," he said back. "Alas, this is not the case." The longest part of the shirt came down to just touch her kneecaps, the sleeves hiding her hands within them. He thought she looked cute; though a lot of that probably had something to do with the fact that what she was wearing was his.
He strode over and moved the dress from in front of her. "I like it," he said.
She moved the dress right back to where it was. "You would," she said.
"You look fine," he told her.
"I look indecent."
"You do not. You're just modest. It's fine." She raised an eyebrow at him. "I have no more trousers to offer you," he told her, hands out and pointedly empty.
She placed her hands on her hips. The effect wasn't quite there though as the extra fabric hung down from where her hands were inside the sleeves and James laughed at her. She glared.
"Look," he said, "are you comfortable? Can you sleep in it?"
"Well, sure," she admitted, it was sort of cozy. "But I don't want anyone to see me in it."
"Okay." He pulled out his wand and summoned another article of clothing. He threw that to her as well.
She placed the dress she held on the arm of the couch and James took the opportunity to subtly sneak a look at her legs. He held back a sigh along with the desire to pull her closer.
She looked at the navy blue material in her hands before opening it out. "Oh," she said, looking at the dressing robe in relief. "Thanks."
"No problem," he replied as she slipped the robe on. When he wore it, it reached the back of his knees. It was about three or four inches shy of brushing her ankles.
"Ready for bed?" he asked.
She collected the dress and book before nodding. "Goodnight," she said.
"I'll walk you to your room."
She smiled. "It's about ten metres from here," she said, "I'm sure I can make it there myself."
"I could go for a ten metre walk." James shrugged.
"Oh, let's not do this again," Lily said, thinking back to much earlier that evening.
"You're right," James agreed with a smirk. "You best just let me walk you this time."
She did, albeit not without a good attempt at yet another glare in his direction.
James told her of the extra toiletries in the washroom across the way and where to find them and then gave her a few minutes to herself while he waited in the bedroom.
He walked around the room curiously. Other than her neatly folded jumper and jeans at the foot of the bed and the pink dress hung over the back of the desk chair, there wasn't any evidence of someone staying there. Nothing was out of place.
He went over to the desk and saw that the window above it was left ajar. A letter sitting on the sill was close to slipping off and falling on the desk.
James picked it up carefully. It wasn't parchment, he noticed. It was thinner and whiter. It also had Lily Evans written across it in blue, thick script. He turned it over and held it up. At this hour, the window gave no light, so it did nothing to give him any information as to what was in the envelope.
He shook his head. He wasn't a snoop. Not without good reason anyway.
"What's that?"
He turned, the letter still in hand. "For you, apparently," he said, sending it to her with a flick of his wrist.
She moved out of the way and let the letter land on the bed silently. She picked it up. "Oh," she whispered. The writing on the envelope was most definitely her father's. "I should read this."
James ran a hand through his hair. "Should I leave you to…"
"No, that's alright," she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed and pulling her legs up underneath her. She tore open the letter and James' watched as her eyebrows drew together in concentration.
Dear Lily,
Your mother is not angry with you, however she was rather worried for you when you left like you did. She wishes you had rather spoken to her first.
You haven't ruined Christmas, but it wasn't the same without our Lily.
We were certainly glad to hear from you though. So long as you're alright and your friend's family doesn't mind, you may stay there as long as you feel you need. Know that we'll miss you and you're welcomed home at any time.
We love you very much.
Happy Christmas.
Love,
Dad
Lily tucked the letter back into the envelope and placed it on top of her jumper. After blinking back tears and crawling back on the bed, she leaned against the pillows with a shuddering sigh.
Her father knew her all too well. She was stubborn, she wasn't going to turn around and come home until she was ready, not if she could help it. And she wasn't going to do anything but get angry if she was lectured and accused of things. She didn't want to hear about Petunia and she didn't want to argue about anything.
Her dad said what he knew she should hear. Reassurances. Everything was fine. Her parents weren't upset with her. She could come home whenever she liked and they'd be happy to see her. Nothing was ruined on her account.
She lay down on the bedding, her hair, now taken out from its side swept styling, spreading out loosely around her. James went over and looked at her closely. "What'd it say?"
Her eyelashes were wet as she blinked up at him, shaking her head. "It's-it's from my father."
"Bad news?" James ventured.
"No," she replied, swallowing thickly. "Just…well, no."
"What'd it say?" he asked again.
"Read it if you want," Lily told him. He knew she meant it but it still seemed wrong to read her mail. However, the curiosity was eating at him and had been since he saw her sitting and sniffling on those swings. He was dying to get a real answer from her about what was going on.
"You don't mind?"
She shook her head as her body prepared for her second wave of tears that night. Her throat felt tight and her eyes continued to well with tears.
"Are you sure?" James checked again, picking up the letter and beginning to open it slowly. He watched for her nod before continuing and pulling the paper out to briefly scan the letter.
"Left like you did," James quoted, reading aloud from the paper. "What's that mean? The portkey?"
Lily gave him a watery smile. "Did I mention that I had already left my house when I opened your…decoy?" she asked.
"You ran away?" James questioned.
Lily winced. "I didn't…not really…I wasn't really sure where I was going but I got into this fight with my sister and I…well, I knew I shouldn't…She doesn't..." Her shoulders sunk and tears began to stream down her cheeks. "She told me to-to leave. So I did."
James put the letter down and sat down beside her. For a second, he wasn't really sure what to do. He considered calling for Remus but quickly decided against it. She was upset, and it didn't matter how much discomfort he felt as he watched her continuously try to wipe away the tears, he just needed to be there for her. He'd do whatever he could to make her feel better. Whatever she needed.
Putting one arm around her back and the other under her knees, he moved her over a bit so he could stretch his legs out and face her. He kept the arm around her back and pulled her to his side, careful to move her hair out of the way. "Do you want to start the story over?"
She knew that if she had thought about it long enough, she probably would have told herself to grow up and get over herself. She would have waited for the tears to subside and her breathing to return to normal and then she would have insisted to herself that things were fine until she almost believed it. Then she'd go to sleep.
She would have never decided that it was a good idea to talk about it. And she would have never chosen James Potter to talk to of all people.
Yet before she could even begin to go down that path of thinking she was already blurting out the abridged version of the history between her and her sister. Through a bit of uneven breathing and borderline hyperventilating, she managed to get out the details of what had happened that evening. James just listened intently and stroked her hair while she talked, struggling a little to keep up with the story and understand what she was saying, but getting the gist of everything.
"And it was so stupid," Lily said, "because I had nowhere to go but she was so angry and I couldn't think of what else to do."
"Hey," he hushed, after a moment of silence told him she was finished. "I'm sure she didn't mean those things."
"You didn't hear her," Lily said. She took a few deep breaths to calm down and even out her voice. "She hates me. She really does."
James couldn't fathom anyone hating Lily. She was just too good for that. She had a pure heart, through and through; despite popular belief, he didn't think she even hated him. Not ever. She wasn't capable of that.
"She couldn't possibly hate you," James told her.
She sucked in a deep breath. "Except she does."
James shook his head. "No. Who could hate you?" He smiled at her. "Lily, it's all very unnatural to her. I mean no disrespect by this, but muggles don't understand." He paused.
"We were at Remus' once," he began suddenly, " his mum was making us sandwiches. She's got one of those toast things. A toaster. Sirius screamed like you wouldn't believe when the toast popped up and I was ready to hex the thing. We were thirteen."
Lily laughed faintly. "Great story," she said.
"No, it was really scary," James insisted, though he couldn't help but laugh as well. "My point, is that it was scary because it was unfamiliar and Remus hadn't warned us about the bloody thing springing up like that. It was startling and it took a minute for the shock to wear off.
"Now, magic is the same way to muggles, but worse because they've been taught to believe that it doesn't exist. Weren't you a little scared when you found out you were a witch?"
Lily sighed. "Yes. But I always knew something wasn't right with me. I wasn't like the other kids."
"See?" James said. She didn't. Actually, she had no idea what he was going on about now. "You thought something wasn't right with you," James explained. "If I had been anywhere near ten years old and didn't know for sure that I had magic, I would've thought something was wrong with me." He tried to think of how he was to phrase this. "Remember how you felt?" he asked. "Imagine how it was for your sister. All along you could feel the magic coursing through you, even if you didn't know what it was yet. To her, it just seems unnatural."
"I am a freak then?" Lily said.
"That's a matter of opinion," he told her. "Seems your sister thinks so. I think you're wonderful."
Lily laughed, wiping at her cheeks once again.
He looked into her red rimmed eyes with a small smile. "We tend to dislike the things we can't understand."
"How deep," she commented.
"I try," he grinned.
"James, thank—"
"Don't you dare," he said. "Enough of this."
"I just want to," he was shaking his head at her, "to thank—"
He stopped her there, turning to his side quickly and capturing her lips with his, silencing the gratitude that he really was getting tired of hearing. The arm that wasn't wound around her moved to brace himself above her. He kissed her softly and then pulled just the slightest bit away and waited for some kind of verdict on her part.
Lily eyes were wide as she stared at him, her mouth forming a small 'o' in surprise. "I…" She was so confused.
"Say something," he implored quietly.
"I'm caught between hitting you and kissing you," she said honestly.
The corners of his mouth pulled up in a secret sort of smile as he whispered. "If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer the latter."
She held back a smile of her own as she looked up at him through her lashes. "I'm afraid I just might have to say the same."
"Oi!" James looked around. "What are you doing in here?"
Remus' head twisted around from his spot on the couch. "There you are," he said.
Sirius was stepping out of the fireplace. "Told you he'd turn up." He grinned. "You had Moony running about the place looking for you, mate."
James looked at them strangely. "Sorry to worry you both. What are doing here? And where are you coming from through the floo?" he asked.
Remus shrugged. "You have too many rooms in this house. Decided I'd stop looking for you and just wait. I don't know where the elves put my things."
James nodded. "And you?" he inquired, looking at Sirius.
"Just got back from Elizabeth's," Sirius explained. "Figured it'd be easier to come through here than go into all the details with Mum and Dad. Less questions."
"I see." James nodded. "She got home okay?"
Sirius plopped himself on the couch after tossing Remus' legs aside. "Snuck her up here, flooed her home, found her her draught and, uh, tucked her in."
"Really?" Remus asked. "So that kiss earlier, what was that about then?"
Sirius grinned. "Christmas spirit?" he suggested. "She couldn't resist me?"
"You two aren't going to..." James waited for his brother to finish his sentence.
"What? Be together?" Sirius asked. He nearly started on about Elizabeth's predetermined marriage plans before he decided he ought not to. "Not bloody likely. I'm Sirius," he joked, "but not that serious."
Remus caught the pun first and shook his head. "Old and tired, mate," he said, "old and tired."
James chuckled and went into his closet, changing into his pyjamas before coming back out to find Sirius opening the drawers of his bedside table. James pulled out his wand and sent the drawer slamming shut, narrowly missing Sirius' fingers.
"Oi!" Sirius yelped.
"Don't go through my things," James told him.
"Have you no boundaries?" Remus asked.
"Define boundaries." Sirius shrugged.
Remus shook his head. "How's Lily?"
The ridiculous grin that took over James' face was answer enough. "She's good," he said.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Mate, please tell me you aren't grinning like that because of the measly peck on the cheek." James raised an eyebrow. "Moony told me," Sirius said. "And what is that? That's bollocks!"
Remus smiled knowingly. "No, he kissed her again. Didn't you?"
James smirked. "I don't think I'll need the mistletoe plan."
Sirius whooped. "Go Prongsie!"
James shook his head, though he really couldn't agree more.
"Snogged her senseless?" Sirius asked.
James laughed, both Sirius and Remus had bright smiles on, genuinely excited for him. He had the best mates.
James nodded. "Definitely."
A/N: Okay lovelies. It's already been said, but here it is: Happy new year!
This chapter did not at all come out the way I thought it would. Oh well. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review! When I have access to my computer again I promise I will be replying to all of last chapter's reviews. Cross my heart. They were much appreciated.
Anyways,
Scarlett
