The Twilight Twenty-Five
Prompt: #12 – Gymnasium
Pen Name: beegurl13
Pairing/Main Character(s): Bella & Edward
Rating: M
Photo prompts can be viewed here:
thetwilight25 dot com backslash round-six backslash prompts
A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is an appreciation for a good story. One that totally sucks me in and makes me have a physical reaction to reading it. I get that sometimes. You should check my favorite's list. :D It's full of awesome. Really. :)
Thanks to my girlies – EdwardsBloodType, Unchanged Affections, Twilight44, MaggieMay14, Luxure, and my fan fic wifey Mrs. Robward. I love them more than I can possibly say. I'm a lucky girl… :)
A lot of you are hoping that Bella grows a backbone and dates someone else. I'm trying to keep the characters real and honest and truthful to their personalities. They don't make all the right choices. They don't do the best thing for themselves. They don't always say the right thing at the right time. And you know what? All of that is okay, they're supposed to be that way. Hopefully, over the course of the story, they will grow and learn things about themselves, and they'll end as better people than they started as. At least that's what I'm trying for. I hope that makes sense. :)
~*0*~
Chapter 12
~*0*~ Gymnasium ~*0*~
Graduation starts out great, and I'm having a lot of fun with my girls. For just a little while, my heart doesn't even seem to hurt all that much. It's a foreign feeling at this point, but it's one I long to have on a more regular basis again. Alice and I are making fun of the hideous caps and gowns the kids have to wear and talking about how busy the bar's been since the season started. We're also laughing about the parents with cameras, and how desperate they all seem to capture the perfect picture.
About half way through the ceremony, which is dragging on much longer than it should be, in my opinion, I excuse myself to go to the ladies room. There are a few women in the stalls already, and I make my way to the last remaining empty one. They must be friends because they're having a rather animated conversation. I don't pay any attention until Edward's name makes an appearance.
"Don't you remember? We went out a few years ago. He was so great," one of them says. My stomach is beginning to knot up, and I don't know if I'll be able to listen to this, but I need to hear what they're saying.
"Oh yeah, I forgot."
"You forgot? Are you insane? Have you seen the man? Trust me honey, if you'd fucked him like I did, you wouldn't forget him, that's for sure."
Oh shit, another one of his ex's, not just an admirer. I don't like hearing her talk about Edward this way, but I'm frozen in place, unable to make myself leave the stall I'm now standing in.
"He's due back sometime in the middle of June. Looks like I'll be making a few trips out to Clallam Bay next month."
She laughs, then her friend joins in. I feel like crying, and I flush the toilet and make my way out to the sinks. I'm washing my hands when the two women walk out. They're both beautiful, but the one talking is especially stunning. Long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and about six inches taller than I am. There's no way I can compete with a woman who looks like that. And the fact that she knows when Edward is due back, that makes me nervous and sick to my stomach.
They don't pay any attention to me, and why would they? They continue talking about Edward, as well as some of the other local sailors. I don't know most of the other guys by name, but I don't care, either. All I keep hearing in my head over and over again is how he fucked her. Of course he would. The way he looks and the way she looks? She's the kind of girl who should be on his arm. As I stand in the mirror, I discreetly compare the two of us. I have nothing over her. Her hair is long and shiny, while mine is dark and flat looking. Her skin is flawless with a light golden tan. Mine is sickeningly white, and I can spot at least six zits on my face. Her breasts are at least a C cup, if not a D. Mine are a B on a good day, if I'm lucky. Her body is curvy, with a narrow waist and a perfect ass. Mine is slim, but not nearly as curvacious, sexy, and enticing as hers.
I mentally tell myself there's no way I can compete with a woman like that, so why bother trying? He's sent me two letters in the past eight months. Two. If he really cared about me, he would have found the time to write more often. Jasper bought a phone especially for Alice, and she talked to him almost every week. Why couldn't Edward have done that for me? It's not right, and yet I sat on my own for eight months, waiting for him to return. I tell myself that I wasn't waiting on him, but I know I was. There's no sense lying to myself.
I make my way back into the gymnasium and to my seat. Alice can tell something's wrong, but I shake my head, hoping she won't ask about it. She doesn't, and I'm grateful.
After the ceremony is over and most of the kids and families are gone, we head over to Rose's house for some girl time. We're watching movies, eating junk food, and whatever else Alice has planned for the night. I try to smile and act excited, but I think they both see through me. They just don't ask why, which is good. I really don't want to get into it. Not tonight.
~*0*~
"Do you think the guys will be back by Edward's birthday?" Alice asks. She's sitting on my living room floor, painting her toe nails some dreadful purple color. She swears it's the latest fashion trend, but I think she's highly deranged.
"I don't know, Alice. I don't even know when his birthday is. Why?"
"Well, I just wondered if he'd want us to give him the same birthday present we gave Jasper last year. I need time to psych myself up for it, if we're going girl on girl again."
She's dead serious. Yeah, I'm right. She's highly deranged.
"Alice, I don't even know if Edward's gonna want me this year. I mean, two letters, Alice. Two. That's not real promising. Plus, I don't know if I even want to fool with it again. I'm never gonna get anywhere with him, and I'm just gonna wind up heartbroken again when he leaves in October."
"Bella, he wants you. Jazz said so. Just wait and see, let him explain things. Maybe he was just really busy."
I freeze until she looks at me. Yeah, she doesn't buy that particular line of bullshit either.
I told her about the women from the graduation ceremony. I also may have mentioned the waitress at the cafe, the secretary at the paper product supply company in Port Angeles, and the several women who frequent the bar. Apparently, I've got a lot of competition, and being that Edward appeared to be a hermit last season, these women are anxious and on the hunt.
I'm so screwed. And not in a good way.
"Just wait, Bella. See him and talk to him, it'll work out. I have a feeling about it."
~*0*~
It's June twenty third, and I'm working the day shift when Alice pops into the bar just after lunch.
"They're back! I just wanted to tell you, or warn you. Whichever it is this week."
"Thanks," I tell her. I really am glad that she told me. I've been ignoring the daily harbor reports and talk of fishing lineups. I keep telling myself if I just focus on work and myself, he'll leave me alone. After all, it's not like he's going to come hunt me down or anything.
That night I'm in the storage room, reorganizing our liquor stock, when I hear footsteps treading up the stairs to my apartment. I freeze. I know it's him, I can feel it. My heart begins to pound, and I feel like all the air has left my body. I still, in the quiet room, listening as he knocks...and knocks...and knocks. After several minutes, I hear his footsteps on the stairs again, then hear them walking down the hall toward the bar. Leah's working, and she knows all about us, so I silently pray that she'll send him away with some made up story.
The sound of his voice is like a ray of light to my darkened soul, and I slide closer to the closed door so I can hear him better. It's not his normal tone, he seems to be a little nervous or anxious, but I memorize each word he says.
"Leah, is Bella here?"
"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. What are you doing here?"
This is good, she's not giving me up right away. But she likes Edward, I know that. There's some relationship between them, but I have yet to hear the whole story. I wonder if I ever will.
"I'm looking for Bella, Leah. What do you think I'm doing here? I knocked on her door but she's not there. Is she still around? Is she still working here?"
"That's a little bold, thinking she'd wait around here for you. Why would she do that, Edward? Did you give her any reason to?"
"Leah, why are you busting my balls over this? Is she here or not?"
It's silent for a moment. "No, she's not here."
"Is she gone, or is she just not here at the moment?"
"What do you think, sailor?"
Leah's good. I need to hang out with her more, learn how to be ruthless when I need to be.
"Alice said she's still around, so I'm hoping she's just not here at the moment. Will she be home later?"
I hear Leah laugh. "Depends if she can remember her way home from who ever's bed she's in tonight."
Edward is silent for a moment, before clearing his throat. "Can you just tell her I came by, please? I'd like to see her sometime soon."
"Sure thing, Edward. I'll pass long your little message." There's fire and fury in her voice, and I love her so much more for it.
After a few seconds of quiet, Edward speaks again. His voice is suddenly much lower and softer. "There's still no word. I asked a few of the crews in Argentina, the ones who knew him, and there's nothing. I'm really sorry, Leah."
She sucks in a deep breath, and when she speaks, it's so quiet and just sad sounding, I can barely hear her. "Thanks, Edward. I don't know why I keep torturing myself, you know? But I just can't give up. Not yet. Maybe not ever."
"I know. I'm sorry, I wish I had better news."
Leah sniffles. "I'll tell her you came by, okay? But Edward? You fucked up. Big time. I hope you know that."
I hear Edward sigh. "Believe me, I know it."
His steps come closer to me as he walks down the hall to the back door. I freeze when he passes me, unaware that I'm only feet away from him. Once the back door closes, I let out a breath. It's a few minutes later when Leah knocks on the storage room door. Her eyes are sad and weary looking.
"You heard that?" she asks.
I nod. "Yeah, I heard."
"For what it's worth, he looks like shit. Hot shit, but still...shit."
I laugh at her attempt to cheer me up. As if Edward could ever look anything less than amazing.
~*0*~
I manage to avoid Edward the next day, though I know he comes into the bar at least twice. He told Leah that he's heading out tomorrow on a trip and he'll be gone about a week. He told her that he really wants to see me before that. He told her that he misses me, and that he missed me these past eight months. I just don't see how the things he told her could be true. If he missed me so much, then why only two letters? Why no other contact? Not even a message through Jasper and Alice. Just a whole lot of nothing.
It's well after midnight when I decide to take my trash out. The chicken I cooked the day before is not smelling very good in the garbage can, and since I've been too afraid to go outside during daylight hours, for fear he'd see me, I haven't thrown it out yet. But my apartment is beginning to smell pretty bad, so it needs to go.
I check the little parking lot behind the bar, not seeing anyone, so I hurry across to the dumpster and toss it in. I run back toward the door, watching the ground so that I don't step on anything, and nearly jump out of my skin when I hear his voice.
"I knew you were here. You're just avoiding me, huh?"
"Edward! Oh shit, what are you doing out here?" I yell, my hands firmly clasped over my heart, as I look at him. He's standing near the corner of the building, so I know he must have stepped around it after watching me run outside.
"I wanted to see you. Did Leah tell you?" He looks at me, and even through the moonlight, he knows my answer. "That's what I figured. So you're not gonna talk to me now? Is that it? That's your big plan?"
"Edward, I don't really think now is the time to discuss this. Come back another day and we'll talk."
I move toward the door, but he steps in front of it. "When? When should I come back?"
"Um, come back tomorrow." I keep my eyes on the ground, refusing to let him see me as I lie to him. Even though he's lied to me plenty of times, apparently. Plus, I know if I look at him and see his face, I'll give in. My body is screaming at me to hold him, to pull him against me.
Stupid fucking traitor body.
"You know I'm shipping out tomorrow, Bella. I can't come over. Can we just talk now? For a few minutes? We don't even have to go upstairs, if you don't want to."
Wrapping my arms around my waist so that they don't reach forward and grab Edward, I glance up at him. "Shouldn't you be sleeping now? Since you're leaving tomorrow morning, and all?"
"You're more important than sleep."
I want to believe him. I want it so badly. I want him to be telling me the truth, but I know he's not. How could he be?
"Just, come by next week when you're back. I can't do this right now, okay?"
I reach out and grab the handle of the door, determined to go inside and calm down. I haven't felt this many conflicting emotions at once in a long time. Well, since the last time I was with Edward.
His hand covers mine on the handle, and he leans forward, his mouth against my ear.
"I missed you so much, Bella. Please, talk to me," he whispers.
It makes my heart ache, and my knees weak. I don't know what I was thinking trying to stay away from him. It's hopeless, and I look up to meet his eyes.
"Don't say things you don't mean." My eyes are filling with tears, and I know he can see them.
"I'm not."
"But you have to be, otherwise..." I whisper, my voice shaking.
"Otherwise, what?" he asks.
"Otherwise, I don't know. But you can't be telling the truth right now. You just can't."
"Bella, talk to me, please. I just want to see you, and hold you. I want to be with you, Bella. We can just sit on the stairs, even. I'm okay with that. Just let me be near you, please?"
I can't fight it anymore, and I nod in agreement, letting him open the door for me. We sit on the steps in silence, not talking or touching or anything other than breathing and being together.
He speaks, filling the empty room with his words. "I'm sorry about the past eight months. I'm sorry I didn't contact you more, or better. There were just a lot of things happening, and I wasn't able to. My head was kinda all over the place, you know? I don't know what else to say."
He sounds sincere, and I watch him play with his fingers as he leans forward with his forearms on his knees, and his hands between them.
"Did you miss me at all? Be honest." I need to know.
"Yes, I did. So much, Bella."
"Why just two letters? Why couldn't you borrow Jasper's phone or something?"
He sighs. "I just couldn't. Please don't ask me to elaborate, okay? I just couldn't, that's all."
"So what if I'm dating someone else now? What then?"
His head shoots up and his eyes pierce into mine. "Are you?"
"Maybe."
We stare at each other for several seconds, and he knows it's not true. I shake my head just a bit, before looking down at the floor. The corner near the back door is really dusty, and I make a mental note to clean it tomorrow.
"Can we go out? Can I take you to dinner next week when I get back? We're scheduled for a week's run, but we're gonna try and finish sooner. I really want to be back with you, have more time with you. Please? Anywhere you want, I'll take you anywhere you want."
I sigh, wondering just how big of an idiot I am to agree to this.
"Alright, yeah we can go. The night you're back, let me know as soon as you're here and we'll go."
He smiles, I can see it from the corner of my eye. "Okay, that sounds good."
We sit still, not saying anything else. I know we have a lot to talk about—a lot—but I want to. I need to give things an honest try between us. I need to know that if we don't work out, it's not because I didn't try. I don't want to live with regrets.
"Can I kiss you?" he asks, his voice hesitant and nervous. I want to tell him no, but I don't. Instead I turn to face him, leaning closer and letting my lips move softly over his. When he rubs his nose against mine afterward, he whispers, "I missed you so fucking much."
I don't know what to say to that, but he stands up and walks out the door, glancing back before he pulls it closed. It reminds me of our first night together. Except that this time, he looks back.
~*0*~
A/N: Good, right? Moving in a positive direction? Let's hope so. :)
