Hope you all had a great Christmas! It's funny, this story will be in real time for the next couple chapters since it is the day after Christmas.


Chapter 11
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

Jane woke up completely disoriented. Unfamiliar smells, sounds, and ceiling tiles kept the consultant guessing until he looked to his left to see Cho, reading. Sensing eyes on him, Cho looked up from his book.

Jane knew he was in a hospital at this point but why? As far as he could remember, he hadn't done anything particularly stupid lately. "What happened?" Jane finally asked.

"You passed out in the ambulance."

Ambulance? Why was he?...Lisbon! Jane sat upright in a flash, as the memories of the past week came flooding into his mind. Too fast. The room began to spin.

"Take it easy man. You're a mess and you need to stop passing out. Here, drink this." Cho handed Jane a glass of some kind of Juice. Gross.

"No, I have to see Lisbon. She was seizing, they couldn't find a vein… my fault."

"Look at me man." Jane looked at Cho. "Lisbon is ok. The doctors are taking care of her. She's on fluids and resting. They said she'll recover fully but it was close. She didn't have much time left. Doctors said the fact that she survived at all on only a single glass of water is a miracle but the point is she did and now she's going to get better."

"But Red John will still come for her once he knows she's alive. "

"No. Red John is long gone at least for the time being. You've been out all night and this morning, this was delivered to you at the CBI." Cho handed Jane a card and photos.

"Says he's taking a vacation. He didn't expect us to get to Lisbon in time and he figured you would probably brood in guilt for a while which was boring. He wanted to stay and watch the whole thing unfold, yada yada but we figured out he was listening in on your phone calls and didn't want to take any chances."

Cho watched as Jane read over the 'Christmas card' and looked at the pictures, mortified at the thought that he had nearly been too late. Jane handed the items back to Cho, disgusted. Later, he would ask for copies so he could add them to his Red John files but for now, the whole thing was too fresh.

Jane grabbed the cup of juice off the table next to the bed and downed it in one gulp, trying not to taste the foul stuff. He then swung his legs off the side of the bed, slower this time, and stood up.

"Uh, that's probably not a good idea." Cho tried.

"Meh. Most sleep I've had in a month. Fit as a fiddle. Right as rain."

Cho rolled his eyes. "Whatever man. You're funeral. Don't' expect me to tell you where boss is though."

Jane gave Cho the 'you really think I need your help finding Lisbon' look and strolled out of the room. Jane already knew from the man's expression that Lisbon wasn't far away, probably one of the perks of being with the CBI. Cho had glanced slightly to the right before mentioning Lisbon so Jane started with the right. Nothing down the first hallway but rounding the corner, Jane spotted Rigsby. He grinned and headed towards where the agent was standing.

Rigsby spotted the blonde heading his way. "Have a nice nap?"

"Yup. How's Lisbon?"

"Sleeping peacefully, which is why Cho was supposed to keep you in your room."

"What? You think I'm going to cause trouble?"

"You? Nah, Patrick Jane never causes any trouble."

"I'll be on my best behavior, I promise."

Rigsby realized arguing with the man was pointless. "Go in, but if you so much as make her sneeze, I'll send in Cho to physically remove you."

"No sneezing. Got it." Jane walked past Rigsby into Lisbon's room.

Seeing Lisbon for the first time was both a relief and an uncomfortable reminder of past events. While Jane was relieved that she was finally resting, IV's pumping vital fluids and nutrients that her body had been deprived of, Lisbon still looked extremely fragile lying there. The woman was small enough to begin with. Going a week and a half without food and water had dwindled her greatly. To Jane though, it was the most beautiful sight he could ask for.

Heading Rigsby's warning and also afraid to break her, Jane was hesitant to touch Lisbon but settled on lightly tracing his fingers on the back of her exposed hand. He didn't want to wake her but selfishly needed the touch to assure himself that she was indeed alive. Jane never intended on letting anyone into his heart or his life for that matter. It was a dark place, reserved for him alone, a penance for the many sins he had committed. Somehow, Lisbon had snuck past his defenses without him knowing, igniting a small flame in the darkness of his soul.

Then, Hardy had tried to kill Lisbon and Jane had reacted, not having a moment to think. Jane never remembered picking up the gun or aiming it at the threat. He remembered the shot though, the sound that effectively severed the only link they had to Red John but also saved Lisbon at the same time. He was ashamed at first, at how she had changed him. Maybe she hadn't changed him. Maybe he was that way all along and Lisbon was the only one able to read him. Maybe she knew him better than he knew himself. She knew he would choose life but she just wasn't aware that it was her life that was on the line.

Now, she had almost died again. How many times could they be this lucky? The odds were stacking up against them. Next time, things could end very differently. There would be a next time with Red John still on the loose. Even though the monster was on 'vacation', Jane knew for certain they hadn't seen the last of Red John.

He should leave, Jane thought. He should walk out of the room, out of the hospital, and as far away from Lisbon as he could. If that would guarantee Lisbon's safety, Jane would have already been gone. He would have left, not looking back, to face the killer on his own but Jane had a feeling Red John would go after Lisbon either way. Jane's feelings for her wouldn't disappear with distance and Red John knew that. It terrified the consultant.

No, he would stay. Part of Jane knew it was his own selfishness that wouldn't allow him to leave, She made it possible to wake up every day. Sure, he was still fueled by the need to find Red John but there are days when that isn't enough, when the chase becomes too much and he lacks the strength to take another step. It is on those days she is there, pulling him foreword, reminding him there are people who care about him, his family, and he is not alone.

Not long before Lisbon had been taken, Jane had come to the realization that he was making the same mistake with Lisbon that he had with his wife and little girl. After their deaths, Jane had wished every single day that he hadn't taken the time he had with them for granted. Wishing for things he wouldn't change was irrational, Jane decided but what about Lisbon? If Jane had learned anything over the past couple of weeks was that each day was precious, a gift even, yet for some reason Jane thought the best idea was keeping those close to him at arm's length and people though he was the smart one.

"You look like crap." Jane looked up and smiled, really smiled for the first time in too long. Lisbon was awake.

"Well, that's funny and true but have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?"

Lisbon closed her eyes, imagining how awful she must look.

Stupid, stupid, thought Jane. The first words out of my mouth already reminding her of her horrific ordeal.

"Sorry Lisbon, I didn't mean to…"

"No it's alright."

"It's NOT alright, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Actually, seeing you here looking at me is the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time." Did I really just say that outloud?

Lisbon blushed but didn't respond.

"I'll uh go tell the guys you're awake." Jane got up to leave but Lisbon called to him.

"Jane, wait." He stopped and looked at her.

"Thank you."

Jane frowned. "For what?"

"For finding me. I knew you would. Where did you find me?"

Jane wanted to tell her that he didn't deserve to be thanked, that if it wasn't for him, she would be with her brothers, enjoying the holidays instead of in the hospital, half starved. Jane had promised Rigsby that he wouldn't upset her. Instead, he nodded and simply responded, "Uh, the fairgrounds.:

Lisbon watched Jane leave the room. He was soon replaced by her three agents, ecstatic to see her awake.

"How are you feeling?"

"Ok. Tired but otherwise good."

"That's good. We were really worried about you, especially Jane. Speaking of which, where is Jane?" Van Pelt looked worried.

"Said he had things to do." Rigsby provided. "Said he'd be back later."


Where did Jane go and why? hmmm... ;o)