We all know what I'm going to say: I'm sorry for the long wait (like seriously, I'm super sorry), but life gets in the way and huge writer's block which sucks so much when it comes to updating.
I'm not super satisfied with this chapter, but if I keep looking at it, I will like it even less. So, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter more than I did writing it :)
Chapter Twelve: To Be The Bad Guy
Kaya's first kiss had been with Finn. But it wasn't a real kiss. At least that was what Raven had told her when she admitted to the older girl when asked about her first kiss. According to Raven a real kiss lasted longer than a second and there was lip movement. With Finn, he simply had pressed his lips chastely against her for less than a second. It wasn't that exciting, but it had been special.
Raven had also told Kaya that the first time having sex, should be special but it will never be.
"I mean, my first time was with Finn, and it still wasn't that great," fifteen-year-old Raven had told thirteen-year-old Kaya. "The second time was much better. The first time is like a warm-up for the real deal. So don't stress about it if you don't like your first time. I mean it, relax, Kaya."
At the time, Kaya, obviously, stressed out about the notion of sex and how she was going to be disappointed. How could she not? Another disappointment to look forward. But the stress didn't last long, as she moved on to a new problem; being arrested.
Now, Kaya could see what Raven meant. The first time wasn't that great. A part of her wished she had thought her choice more clearly, but unfortunately, Kaya hadn't and now had to deal with her actions.
Kaya lost track at how long she had been staring at the tent ceiling but honestly didn't care. She'd rather have no idea how much time has passed than be aware of how long Ezra and she had laid in an awkward silence.
"Well, this was kinda interesting," Ezra said after a long silence.
Kaya shrugged and shifted, feeling the same pain as earlier, but that time duller. She didn't remember Raven telling her about that pain from their previous conversations about sex. Kaya never wanted Raven to go into too many details, knowing her only experience came from Finn, but she did try to listen to the important parts.
Kaya continued fiddling with her blanket, trying to say something to make up the awkwardness. She wished that Ezra would leave, but after their messy attempt of having sex, she felt like she should try to make it up and let him hang out. It was partially her fault she halted everything.
"Maybe we can try again," he suggested when she didn't say anything.
"Yeah, maybe," she agreed half-heartedly, not sure if that was going to happen again, and looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry about earlier. I was... um, actually, I don't know why I'm talking, I don't really have something to say. I just want things to get awkward, but I guess they are. I'm sorry, I guess that's what I should say and shut up."
"It's fine," he said and looked up to the tent ceiling. "I'm sorry too. It's my fault."
"Why? Is there something that I missed?" she said, glancing at him suspiciously. He shrugged, not answering her question. He instead started leaning in and was about to kiss her when the tent door flapped open.
"Kaya, get out—"
"What the fuck, asshole—oh, shit, fuck, Bellamy. What are you doing here?" Ezra angry expression turned into an embarrassed one. Kaya looked up and scowled when she saw Bellamy's head poking inside the tent.
"What the hell, Bellamy? You can't just barge in like you own this place. Get out," she said harshly.
For a brief second, Bellamy looked surprised to see that she wasn't alone but seemed to get over it quickly. "Whatever," he muttered to himself and turned his attention to Kaya. "Get dressed, I need to talk to you."
Kaya sighed impatiently. "Bellamy, I'm in the middle—"
"Now, Kaya. This is important. It's about Octavia."
She was half tempted to tell him to go screw himself, still angry at him, but hearing the urgency in his voice, made her falter. She was silent for a moment, before saying, "Alright, get out. I'll be there."
"What the hell was that about?" asked Ezra the moment Bellamy was out of the tent. She didn't miss the glance Bellamy threw to Ezra.
"I have no idea," she admitted, and and quickly started picking up her clothes and putting them on, "but if I want to get rid of him, I should talk to him."
Ezra frowned, displeased that she was leaving him for Bellamy again. "He seems to expect you're always going to drop everything for him. Which I guess seems to be the thing. Bellamy calls and you're there."
Kaya didn't like the accusing tone of his voice. She didn't drop everything for Bellamy. The only reason she was going to talk to him in the middle of the night was because of Octavia. If it had been for another reason, she would have dismissed him. But she wasn't going to argue with Ezra about Bellamy. It was stupid and just wasted her time.
"Think of whatever you want," she told him coolly. "I'm gonna go."
"Wait... are you mad?" Ezra scrambled to sit up. "I didn't mean to sound like an asshole, but from my point of view, it just gives me the wrong idea."
Kaya shook her head and turned around. She heard Ezra call her name out, but she was already out of the tent. Bellamy was right in front of the tent, close enough to hear everything that had been going on the tent. But if he heard anything, he didn't say anything.
"Where's Octavia?" he immediately demanded. "She hasn't come back."
"Octavia is not here? Oh, crap. I—I don't know where Octavia is," she admitted. "She said she needed to be alone and after everything that was happening, I forgot about her."
Bellamy glanced at the tent and went back to looking at her. "Yeah, you were busy."
"Bellamy, she's fine. She's fine, she's just lost," Kaya reasoned, but even she had a hard time believing what she said. Even if Octavia was lost, it was dangerous. She could wander off farther from camp, or trip over a root and break a leg, or run into a savage animal. There were so many horrible possibilities of what could have happened to Octavia, but Kaya knew she didn't have to voice them out loud.
Nothing could compare to what Bellamy was probably thinking. His face gave away her anguish. Kaya could only offer so much reassurance to Bellamy. Kaya felt bad for Bellamy, her anger towards him faltering for a brief second. She remembered her harsh words about Octavia.
"Do you even care about Octavia?"
She winced and tried to not look guilty. She should not have said that. Everybody could see how much Bellamy loved his sister and would do anything for her.
"Bellamy," Kaya said, as gently as possible. "You need to relax and focus."
Bellamy exhaled. "Can you look around?" he asked after a tense second. "I looked, but maybe I missed her, or…"
"Yeah. I'll do that," she agreed immediately. He started walking away from her when she grabbed his arm. "Hey, hold on. What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to look for her," he said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.
"Alone? Bellamy, you can't be serious."
"Well, what else do you want me to do?" he snapped. "I need to find her. She can be hurt or... or... or…"
"She's fine, she's probably lost," she quickly said seeing Bellamy's face twist into a pitiful look that it even pained Kaya. "But how about asking for some help?"
"Who? You?"
Kaya ignored his rudeness and extended her arms, motioning to everybody around them. "They literally worship you, use that fact to your advantage."
Bellamy paused and glanced around the camp. He grimaced, making her pity him even more.
"They won't go. After what I did," he said, his voice full of despair. "It's all my fault. Octavia, the radio, the Chancellor. Damn it, fuck." Without warning, he punched the tree next to them. Kaya flinched and took an automatic step from him, just to be on the safe side. Bellamy noticed her reaction and frowned. "I'm sorry. I wasn't going to hurt you."
She shook her head. "No, I just—never mind. Bellamy, give them some credit. They'll get over it. Besides, they'll do it for Octavia. Everybody seems to like her. I like her if that makes you feel any comfort."
He sighed and rubbed his face in frustration. "Do you think you can get Finn to go with me? He's the only tracker that I know. But he doesn't exactly like me. And now I'm realizing neither do you... so I'm screwed."
"You're incredibly lucky that I do like Octavia. I'll talk to him," Kaya said, and really hoped that Finn was sleeping and not doing anything else with Raven. Although, from Raven's recent bitter discovery, she doubted anything could be happening.
"Ezra can get his friends to go with you," Kaya offered.
"Speaking for him now?" Bellamy asked. She glared at him and turned towards her tent. Ezra, fully clothed, was stepping out that moment and catching her eye, she motioned him to join them.
"What's going on?" Ezra asked when he joined them and shot Bellamy a weary look.
"You're coming with me," Bellamy ordered.
"What, why? What's going on?" Ezra looked at both, frowning in confusion.
"You said next time we go out, you would join us," Bellamy reminded him. "Well, now it's the next time. Go round up your friends and tell them to meet up in front. We're leaving in thirty minutes."
"Where are we going?"
"Just do it and you'll find out."
Ezra glanced at Kaya, who him a reassuring smile. Still unsure, Ezra nodded and with one last confused look towards Bellamy, he went to find his friends.
"Does he even have any friends?" Bellamy asked her.
"Don't worry, people are going to go. I really hope you find your sister, Bellamy," Kaya said softly. She tried to ignore the guilt that was growing inside of her. She had been the one that allowed Octavia run off when she had been angry. She should have tried harder to convince her to stay.
"I will find her," he said with a steely determination.
"You should probably go to Clarke for help," she said. For a second, Bellamy faltered. "She'll help. Clarke is all about protecting the people."
Without another word towards her, Bellamy left, hopefully, to ask for to Clarke. Kaya hesitated for a moment, afraid she might walk into something unpleasant. But when she didn't hear anything concerning, she approached the tent.
"Finn? Finn, are you awake?" she called out hesitantly. She paused, waiting for a reply. She frowned and was about to call Finn's name again when she saw there was a slight shuffle inside the tent. Seconds later, Finn's head popped out.
"What's wrong?" he asked, stepping out of the tent.
"Who is it?" Raven called her out from inside.
"It's just Kaya. Let me talk to her and see what she wants."
If it had been another occasion, Kaya would have made a snide comment on how Raven's only been on Earth for less than twelve hours, and she was already the third wheel. Typical.
"Finn, I need to talk to you."
He was about to say something but got caught off by Raven. "Ask her to come in after you guys are done talking. She needs a haircut too."
"No," Kaya said quickly and tugged on Finn's arm urgently. "Can you give us a second? I need to speak to Finn. Like now."
"Oh, yeah, sure." Kaya could see Raven's shadow nod, and Kaya pulled Finn away from the tent. Her mind was churning. Raven was too cheerful for someone who was just told they were cheated on.
"I guess, I won the bet," Finn grinned at her. When he noticed her serious expression, his smile faltered. "What's wrong?"
"I just—I'm confused. It seems she took it well," she said. "I mean, I wouldn't trust someone with something sharp in my face after I told them something terrible.
"Hmm, well..." Finn had the audacity to give her a shrug as if him cheating on his girlfriend wasn't a big deal.
Kaya glared at Finn. "You're fucking unbelievable."
"Me? Kaya, come on. I was going to tell her, but I just can't. I hate myself for not telling her. But, maybe it's better if she doesn't know. Between me and Clarke it's over, Clarke's made it clear."
"You're such a..." She grunted, frustrated at everything. Why do things always to be so complicated? Why couldn't she just have one friend? Why did she have to please people? Why did she have to be alive? Why couldn't everything just stop?
"Hey, Kaya. You okay? I'll do it. Just don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you," she said tiredly.
"Oh. Please," Finn snorted. "That's the only emotion you feel towards me nowadays."
Kaya pressed her mouth in a thin line, knowing that if she snapped something, they would get into a fight. She needed to focus on what mattered. Octavia and her safety.
"Finn," she said after counting to five and relaxing her stance, "I need you to listen to me. Something bad happened to Octavia and they need your tracking skills."
"Wait, hold on. What do you mean something happened to Octavia?"
"She's missing, and Bellamy is making a search party. He needs your help. She's badly hurt. She could die," she explained quickly. She winced at the exaggeration, but she needed to guilt Finn into going with Bellamy. "They're going to leave any second and are going to need your help."
"Alright," he agreed slowly, eyeing her suspiciously. "I'll get my stuff."
"Thank you," she said and went to find Bellamy.
After she found him and told him the good news, everything was set in motion. After a few minutes of chaos, Bellamy managed to wake up everybody in the camp and was looking for volunteers for the search party. Kaya had briefly considered volunteered to be part of the search party but dismissed it. She knew her strengths, and walking at night in the forest was not one of them. She would be more helpful here with Raven.
It seemed that a lot of people were having the same thoughts as Kaya. They were hesitant to join Bellamy, but despite the nerves, there was an excited chatter running around the camp. Kaya could hear snippets of what they were saying when she made her way towards the gates. It didn't matter what she heard, everybody was talking about one thing:
Octavia.
"I mean, if she's out there, she's probably dead," Kaya overheard someone say.
"I know. Have you seen her? She wouldn't survive an hour alone. I'm only going cause I heard the forest looks pretty cool at night."
"Yeah, me too."
Kaya felt her stomach knot at how careless they spoke about Octavia. Most of the delinquents that were going with Bellamy was for the thrill of being in the forest at night. None of them seemed to be going for Octavia. If she heard one more person say that Octavia was dead, well, she wouldn't say anything to them, but it would only make her grow more anxious.
Kaya wrung her hands, and looked around, hoping she could talk to someone. She couldn't spot anybody she knew. She was surprised that Bellamy wasn't by the gate. He must be trying to recruit more people. Kaya went on her toes, craning her neck and brightened when she finally saw a familiar face. Despite their last conversation not ending well, Kaya was glad to spot Ezra. Without much thought, she made her way through the crowd towards him.
"Dax," one of them said, nudging Ezra in the ribs. She frowned and stayed in her spot, and Ezra soon walked up to her, giving her a grim smile.
"Hey. What's up?"
"What was that?" She pointed to his friend who was joining the search group, confused at the strange name that Ezra was called by.
"What do you mean?"
"Why did he call you Dax?"
"Oh, the name you mean?" When she nodded, Ezra hung his head, looking slightly embarrassed at the discovery. "Yeah, I hope you wouldn't find about that stupid nickname."
"Your nickname is Dax?" For some reason, she found herself smiling at the discovery. Misinterpreting her smiles as her making fun of him, Ezra glared at her.
"Hey, some people get called Blondie." And to make a point her tugged a lock of her blond hair. She swatted his hand away, always hating when someone would do that. "Or nutty or crazy."
Kaya smiled dropped, replaced with a frown. "People call me nutty?"
Ezra quickly backpedaled, realizing his mistake. "Maybe. But others get called Dax. Like me."
"Okay, fine. I don't find that nickname stupid, not at all. I just want to know why Dax?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I can't even remember. But back in the Ark, I went more by Dax, even my mom called me that. I'm trying to drop it here because I got thinking while I was arrested that it's kinda of a stupid nickname. So far, I've been doing an okay job. Some people who knew me before still call me that."
"Dax," Kaya enunciated slowly and wrinkled her nose. "You're right. It's a terrible nickname."
Ezra shot her a withering look. "Shut up. I know it's a shitty nickname and I can't believe you know it now."
"And I can't believe you let people call you that," she shot back, and just like that, their conversation stopped, leaving an awkward silence between them. In that moment, Kaya was noticing that Ezra and her didn't have a lot to talk about. Their conversations always stopped after a few minutes.
"Anyways," Ezra cleared his throat and shuffled around. "What did you want to tell me? That's why you wanted to talk to me, right?"
"Oh, yeah. I feel silly telling you this right now. It's kinda stupid, but it's bothering me and I feel like it will get worse if I don't say anything. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry, Ezra. Tonight, was terrible. I stopped the sex and then Bellamy walked in on us, sort of. And then I left, and you're being dragged by Bellamy. I'm sorry."
"Hey, it's fine," he dismissed her, but it was painfully obvious that it wasn't. She wasn't sure what was bothering him, and Kaya didn't get a chance to question him.
"Hey, Dax, we gotta go man. Bellamy wants all hands on deck," one of Ezra's friends said and ran off to inform more people.
"Shit, gotta go," Ezra said and after a second of hesitation, he kissed her. Kaya blinked in surprised, but didn't have a chance to process how she felt about the unexpected PDA when Bellamy started speaking to everyone.
"Hey, everybody, gather around and grab a weapon. My sister's been out there alone for twelve hours. Arm up. We're not coming back without her."
In that moment, a murmur broke out. People were pointing to the sky. Kaya craned her neck, trying to get a glimpse of the white streaks were all over the dark night. From where she was, Kaya could see Raven talking angrily at Bellamy, who looked torn. She didn't need to hear what they were talking about.
The Ark hadn't seen the flares. All their hard work had been for nothing.
She already had a feeling that they weren't going to reach the Ark on time. Luck was never on their side Kaya had come to discover and felt sorry for whoever had lost someone. Kaya was glad that everybody that she cared about was on Earth.
"May we meet again," Kaya murmured.
Kaya continued to observe Bellamy walk away from Raven and Clarke and started talking again to the delinquents. He made it clear that returning without Octavia was not an option.
"What are we waiting for? Move out!" Bellamy yelled. Everybody in the search party started making their way out of the camp. Bellamy stopped in front of Kaya. "You're coming with us," he said.
"No, I'm not."
"No, she's not," Finn agreed with her, going between Bellamy and her, and gave Bellamy a hard look. "She's staying with Raven."
"She was the last person who saw Octavia. She saw where she went. We need her," Bellamy stressed. "How are we going to find Octavia?"
Kaya sighed and tried to explain patiently, "Bellamy, as much as I want to help you find Octavia, I can't. I don't remember where I was. Everything looks the same. Besides, she could have gone a different direction. I'm useless. I'd only be a liability."
Bellamy looked torn, his eyes boring into Kaya. When he saw that she wasn't going to change her mind, he sighed.
"Come on, let's go," Bellamy told Finn and went to join the search party. While Kaya was staring at Bellamy's retreating back, wishing she would have said something to him, had been talking.
"... while you're going with them," Finn said, motioning towards Raven and Clarke. Kaya snapped out of her thoughts and glared at Finn.
"No, I'm not going with them, the girlfriend and the other girl. I know what you're trying to do. I am not going to do all of your dirty work, be the bad guy while you get to lay back and play hero."
"What? No, Kaya. I just want you to be there to make sure nothing bad happens."
"Hey," Bellamy yelled, trying to get the attention of Finn. "Let's go. Everybody's gone. We're just waiting on you."
"I'm going," Finn yelled back and turned to Kaya and gave her a pleading look. "Just, please stay with them. I swear I will tell Raven when I come back."
"Just go," Kaya said, crossing her arms, irritated that she was covering Finn's mistake again. "I can't believe I get to be the bad guy."
"God, are you two arguing with each other? Come on guys," Raven said, joining them and pushed Finn towards the direction of Bellamy. "Be careful. Hey. I love you."
"I love you, too," Finn said, looking pained saying those words.
"Love you, too, Finny," Kaya said sarcastically. Finn shot her a dirty look and shook his head. Both girls watched Finn go to Bellamy and say something to them. Kaya was the first one to look away and glanced at Raven. When the other girl caught her, she grinned at Kaya.
"It's this way," Clarke said briskly, and without checking if Kaya and Raven heard her, she walked away. Sharing a look, both girls followed Clarke.
The forest was too dark, making it nearly impossible for them to see what was in front of them. But fortunately, they had enough torches and some of the moonlight to allow them to know where the trees are.
Now, Bellamy was leading the group, taking them to the last place he remembered Octavia was, with Finn close to his side because of his tracking skills. Next to him stood the guy that Kaya had been spending her time with, Eddie or Eric. He couldn't remember but honestly, he couldn't care less. He was unimportant, but Finn to think the opposite.
Bellamy sighed impatiently at the slow pace they were going, due to Finn's insistence. Bellamy might be the one in front, but Finn was the one making the shots. He wanted to go slow in case he found something that could help them. Bellamy didn't argue, more than willing to give up his power if it meant finding his sister.
Bellamy was trying to focus on the steps in front of him, but it wasn't enough to stop his mind from wandering to Octavia. No matter what Clarke and Kaya reassured about how everything was going to okay, that Octavia was still bored, he kept imagining the worst.
Bellamy tried to focus on something that wasn't his sister. She was fine, just a lost. He didn't have to worry too much about Octavia, she was fine.
In that moment, Finn's voice interrupted Bellamy's morbid thoughts. He glanced to his left and saw Finn grilling the Eddie guy. Whoever he was, all Bellamy knew about him was that he wasn't a good guy. He hadn't been lying to Kaya when he said that guy had killed someone.
The first day there, he had ordered Murphy and a few others to scope out the delinquents and find out which ones were a threat. And Eddie turned out to be one of them. Murdered someone out of a fit of anger. Was going to be floated in two weeks before they got sent to Earth. He had been willing to work for Bellamy.
Dax, Bellamy realized. His name is Dax. That's why I got confused. Stupid name. Dax. What the hell is wrong with these people?
Bellamy gave a side glance to the younger boys and sighed in frustration. Despite the conversation being stupid and pointless, it served as a distraction. It had him thinking about something that wasn't his sister corpse. He reluctantly turned his attention towards them.
Finn was shorter than Dax or whatever his name was but somehow carried himself like he was taller. He wasn't afraid to mess with someone bigger and more dangerous than him for his friend.
"I heard someone call you by Dax," Finn was telling the guy, "but Kaya told me your name is Ezra. Why did you lie to her?"
"Ezra is my name," he responded, sounding slightly annoyed. "Dax is a nickname. I'm sorry if I didn't want to tell her my nickname."
"Can you still track while you're interrogating Kaya's boyfriend?" Bellamy asked coldly, joining the conversation.
Finn didn't bother looking back to him. "It's called multitasking. Relax, Blake. I can still find your sister and question Dax, who's not Kaya's boyfriend."
"I prefer Ezra," the other guy added unnecessarily. Both Finn and Bellamy gave him dark looks. "And yeah, I'm not her boyfriend."
"Good," Finn said.
"Didn't you kill someone?" Bellamy asked bluntly.
Ezra stiffened at the question and reluctantly answered. "It was an accident. I might have some anger issues and he stole from me and I lost it. It was an accident. I didn't mean to hurt him."
Bellamy snorted at his poor choice of words.
"Still have those anger issues?" Finn asked skeptically. "Because you've been spending way too much time with my best friend and I don't like that."
Bellamy couldn't help and look at Finn curiously. He was confused by Kaya and his relationship. Every time he saw them, they were either arguing or glaring at each other. He hadn't believed her when she said they had been friends a long time.
He thought they had hooked up. Despite the shyness Kaya claimed to have, she didn't seem afraid to throw herself in front of a guy. She did that with him and was doing that with the Ezra guy. It bothered him that she seemed to prefer him over Bellamy. He wasn't used to be tossed to the side. It was him who would do that, not the other way around.
But earlier he saw them joking around, looking like best friends, and, finally, he saw how much they seemed to care about each other. Finn would do anything for her and same went to Kaya. Bellamy couldn't hear what they were saying, but it was clear they were joking around, with the rare grin Kaya wore.
It must be painful for them to be at odds all the time, Bellamy had thought ruefully. Maybe Earth had the tendency to make people turn against each other. He and Octavia used to be close, and now all they do is fight like cats and dogs. His chest tightened at the reminder of his little sister.
He shook his head and tried to relax. "Anything."
"I'll tell you if I find something," Finn said distractedly, his attention more on Dax than on the ground. "Have been in a fight that almost got someone killed since you got here?" he questioned Dax.
"Have I—really? You think I'm going to murder her?"
"Are you?" Bellamy asked, raising an eyebrow, and tighten his grip on his torch. One more stupid thing coming out from Dax and Bellamy was going to lose it.
"I'm not going to kill her," Dax snapped. Finn glared at him, not believing him.
"Kaya sure knows how to pick them," Bellamy muttered. He was surprised when Finn looked over at him.
"Yeah, she seems to go from bad to worse," Finn said, eyeing Bellamy warily. The conversation suddenly ended, forcing Bellamy to face the harsh reality.
"Wait," Bellamy silenced them and looked around the forest, his boy tense. "Did you hear that?"
Everyone immediately tensed up and raised their weapons, ready to attack the Grounders. Bellamy strained to hear any other noise but didn't. Maybe he imagined it, he thought and tried to ease the tension from his shoulders. He was about to order everybody to continue when he heard the same noise.
"Everybody, don't more," he ordered, sensing their panic. "Do not do anything."
"Bellamy," Finn said quietly, moving closer to him and focusing on the part where the noise came from. "I don't think it's a grounder."
"Then what the hell it is it?" Bellamy gritted. A part of him prayed it was Octavia, but he wasn't that lucky.
He could see something approaching them and for a second, Bellamy was thrown off. The figure didn't resemble a grounder, they were too small and too loud. Bellamy took a tentative step and put the torch in front of him, to get a clearer view.
What he saw was the last thing he expected to see that night.
"Shit," Bellamy breathed. "Thomas."
Kaya smiled, finding Raven's reaction and appreciation towards Earth endearing. She tried to recall if that's how she acted her first day there, but the strongest emotion she could remember was the thrill of not being confined by walls. She had been finally free and that was the best feeling in the world.
But Kaya did feel slight embarrassment remembering how excited she had been to finally touch a tree. So, she decided to not call out Raven for fawning over how smooth some of the rocks where.
"Have you been drawing lately?" Raven asked out of nowhere, picking up a rock and throwing it to the side. She grinned in satisfaction at the noise it made when it hit a tree. Kaya wordlessly handed her another rock and Raven did the same thing, hitting a branch.
"You do know that my artistic abilities go as far as making angry lines all over the paper and perfect circles?"
Raven laughed and bumped her shoulder with Kaya's. "Please, I wish I could do a circle that round. But seriously, drawn anything good? Like a tree? I know you've got an unhealthy obsession with trees."
"No," Kaya snorted and pushed a branch to the side to avoid getting poked in the eye. "I don't have anything to draw with. Drawing is the least of my concerns. I was more worried yesterday in finding the radio."
"Ah, yes. That's the trouble of the youth," Raven said.
"What are you talking about? You're still part of the youth," Kaya reminded her flatly and when she had to jump over a large rock, she winced at the movement. She had to move slowly, trying to ignore the pain between her legs. She chose the wrong night to lose her virginity.
"Are you okay?" Raven asked, glancing at her in concern.
"Yeah. Just a little stiff."
"Why?"
"I'll tell you later," she muttered and nodded her head towards Clarke, having no intentions to telling Raven about her liaisons in front of the Princess. Raven nodded knowingly and moved on from the topic.
"So, what you've been doing here? Besides running for your life?"
"I've been trying to get back there, you know. Doing those things that I missed. Watching Finn be an idiot, talk to one person a day. It's hard because I prefer to be alone, but sometimes the people aren't that bad," Kaya teased, earning an eye roll from Raven.
Again, Raven paused to admire a batch of flowers.
"They're so beautiful," she breathed and grabbed one. Kaya smiled and took it from Raven's hand, placing the ear behind her ear.
"Yeah, some of them you can eat," Kaya told her. "Unfortunately, I found out the hard way." She wrinkled her nose, vividly remembering the fear that shot through her body when she remembered Monty little joke. She patted her pocket and felt a little lump, making her feel at ease.
Behind them, Clarke sighed impatiently. "Raven, I know you just got here yesterday, but we don't have time for this. Come on."
"Not to be rude," Kaya said, "but they already killed over three hundred people, I doubt they're going to do that again tonight. That's even a little too drastic for the Ark."
"What's your point of this?"
"What I'm trying to say is can't you give Raven ten seconds to appreciate this?" Kaya said, motioning to their beautiful surrounding, and feeling bold, added, "That's the least you can do for her after everything, right?"
Clarke clenched her jaw, furious that Kaya used the fact that she slept with Finn against her.
"I get that, but we have more important matters than fight over petty things," Clarke said curtly. "Now let's go."
Kaya was about to argue back when Raven cut in. "It's fine, Kaya. We can look and walk at the same time."
"Great, now come on," Clarke repeated and went back to her brisk pace.
"Fine. You heard her come on," Kaya said and pushed Raven to continue walking.
"Hurry up and save the world," Raven said, grinning. "You're just like your mom."
"I'm nothing like my mom."
"Relax. That's a compliment. Abby's a badass. The pod was her idea. It broke her heart not being able to come down with me, but she never stopped believing you were alive."
"Yeah. Mother of the year."
"Yeah, what a terrible mother she is," Kaya said sarcastically. "Mine was too. She had the audacity to die when I was two and leave me with my dad that got me arrested. And if you think my mom is bad, hear Ravens. Come on, tell her about her."
"Well, my mom was AWOL most of my life," Raven said, glancing at Kaya uncertainly. "When she did show up, it was empty-handed. Pretty sure she had me just to trade in my rations for moonshine."
"She did," Kaya spoke up. "I mean, trade your rations for moonshine." Kaya wrinkled her nose, remembering another reason why Kaya hadn't been thrilled about Raven. Somehow, in her ten-year-old mind blamed Raven for having her mom come over where she lived and have all the attention of her father. "My dad was the one who gave her the moonshine and other stuff."
"Oh my God," Raven said, shaking her head in disbelief. "That explains how you got it on my birthday. I honestly thought it had been Finn and he was just giving you the credit."
"Really, Raven? You honestly thought it was Finn? Do you have that little faith in me?" Kaya looked over Raven's shoulder and could see that Clarke was looking at them curiously.
"How'd you survive?" Clarke asked.
"Boy next door. Finn."
"He shared his rations," Kaya said. "Made sure she had clothes. And stopped her from getting into trouble."
"He remembered my birthday," Raven added, smiling. "Saved my life. He's my family. And, I guess so is this one." She jerked her head towards Kaya, who rolled her eyes. "I didn't realize until I was in too deep that those two were a package deal. But I didn't mind. The more the merrier."
Clarke again looked at them strangely and shook her head. They didn't say another word, not even when Clarke found the bunker and opened the door. Raven and Kaya just watched in silence and followed Clarke inside.
Kaya wrinkled her nose at the stench that came from inside. She exhaled, hating how dark and small the bunker felt. Just a week had passed, and she had forgotten the feeling of being trapped. She did not like the reminder.
"How did you find this place?" Raven asked, looking around in awe.
"I didn't. Finn found it."
Kaya looked around the dark place and tried to find something that could be useful. But pretty much everything that was in the bunk was considered useless. Walking along the wall, Kaya jumped when she stepped on something that made a weird squeaking sound. She relaxed when she saw that it was a ragged down. Curious, she crouched down to retrieve it, but then stayed there. In the faint light, she could see that the doll once had blonde hair and a blue dress.
She smiled softly at the doll, still finding it pretty despite its haggard appearance. She had always wanted a doll, but her father had never gotten her one. He thought they were too expensive, and despite her quiet pleas, he ignored her. Instead, on one of her birthdays were she kept hinting she wanted a doll, he got her a box of colored pencils and snapped at her to draw herself a damn doll if she wanted one so badly.
"Kathy," she murmured, smoothing out the thin hair. That had been the name she would have called her doll. Finn had thought it was weird to name her doll after her deceased mother.
"Such a weirdo," Finn had told her. "Can't you name her, I don't know, Jane after that book we read?"
But Kaya hadn't cared what he thought. It was going to be her doll and she would pick the name that she damned pleased. It looked like she was finally getting the one thing she had always yearned for.
"Kaya, found anything?" Raven called out to her, forcing Kaya back to the grim reality.
Kaya cleared her throat and shook her head. "No, not yet," she said.
"Keep looking. Something here has to be useful," Clarke said.
Looking around, feeling self-conscious, she stuffed the doll in her pocket, glad that it was small enough to fit inside her jacket. She stood up and went back to looking around the bunker. Nothing really stood out, and Kaya wondered if they were wasting their time down here.
"Hey, will this work?" Kaya heard Clarke asked. She turned and saw Clarke hand Raven a little toy car.
"Sweet. RF. Radio frequency. If we can just find the controller, we'll be golden."
Kaya's eyes widened and with an "Oh," she scrambled back to the shelf near where she had found Kathy. She had been heading there because something had caught her attention, but completely forgot about, her attention being drawn elsewhere. Kaya rifled through the shelves, throwing the useless to the side carelessly.
"What is she doing?" Kaya could hear Clarke asking Raven. Kaya finally found the control that she had been looking for and made a noise of triumph.
"Here you go," Kaya said, going over to the girls and handing the controller to Raven. "It looks like it hasn't been damaged."
"Alright, Kaya. I knew you find something."
"Great," Clarke said, not sound as excited like Raven. "We should still keep looking."
Kaya nodded, agreeing with her and continued riffling through the boxes that were on the ground. It seemed that there wasn't anything they could use, either it was broken or had no use for their cause. She wrinkled her nose at the stench that was coming from a grimy box. She kicked it with her foot, trying to get it away from her.
"Hey, Kaya, is this yours?" Raven asked quietly. Kaya looked back at her and saw a small little figurine like the one's Finn would make back in the Ark. It was the shape of a deer with two heads, like the one they had seen when they first arrived.
"No, this is new," she said slowly. She pulled it out her owns and compared them. Hers was about nine years old while this one looked brand new.
"So, it's not yours," Raven said stiffly.
"He probably got inspired," Kaya offered, but Raven wasn't listening to her. She was wearing an odd expression like she was piecing together a difficult puzzle.
"Finn made this," Raven said loudly, gaining the attention of Clarke.
"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Uh, we saw this two-headed deer our first day on the ground. Welcome to paradise, right?"
"Got it," Raven said. Kaya glanced at her, something about her off. "Finn always does that. Finds the beauty in the unexpected."
"Good to go?" Clarke said and started making her way out of the bunk. Kaya cast Raven a look and, without a word, followed Clarke. She could hear Raven from behind make a comment about saving the world.
Back at camp, Clarke promised them that she would come back and immediately left, off to check up on the others. Raven didn't waste time. She got to work immediately with Kaya trying to help out as much as possible.
But even occupied with her task, Kaya could tell there was something bothering Raven, she just wasn't sure what it was. She knew that her strongest suit wasn't reading people, but knowing Raven for a long time, she knew something was wrong.
Her level of excitement had dropped drastically within the span of a few minutes. Raven hadn't spoken a word to Kaya since Clarke departure. She tried to get her attention twice, but Raven was too caught up in her thoughts to hear her.
Kaya tried to recall everything that had happened between the three of them, and couldn't really think of something that caused Raven to become withdrawn. They walked from the camp to the bunker, they talked about Clarke's mom, Finn, and then at the bunker, searched for something that could potentially be useful.
Oh, and then Raven found Finn's deer, Kaya remembered. And it wasn't until she saw Raven holding the bird that Finn made her on their one-year anniversary, that everything to place.
"Oh, shit," she hissed under her breath and glanced at Raven. She turned her body to face the older girl and was about to say something, hoping to salvage something, but stopped. She wasn't sure what exactly was bothering Raven, she could just be exhausted and Kaya would make the situation worse by saying something.
Being a coward, Kaya decided to say nothing. She knew it was better to leave Raven on her own. She would talk to her when she wanted to. And sure enough, a few minutes later, Raven spoke to her.
"I want you to be completely honest with me, Kaya."
Kaya, who at that moment had been fiddling with a few wires, having nothing better to do, stopped and looked at her wryly. "About what?"
"Nothing, you want to tell me?" Raven asked her. Kaya tilted her head thoughtfully and shook her head slowly, not sure what Raven wanted to know. Raven didn't answer right away. She stared at the necklace Finn made her, which made Kaya's stomach drop.
"Raven..."
"We're friends, right? Because that's what I thought we were. I know it took awhile for us to get to the stage where we call each other that, but we got there."
"You know we're friends," Kaya reminded her quietly.
"But you're better friends with Finn. I'm never going to have that loyalty that you have to him. That loyalty where you would lie to protect him."
"Just say what you want to say, Raven."
"Oh. I'm sorry. Is it bothering that I'm telling you something important?" Raven snapped, her eyes flashing angrily. "That I'm deliberately keeping a secret from you? I mean, what the fuck, Kaya? I'm not stupid, I could see you and Finn. Being secretive, fighting. Finn and Clarke. Being secretive too. Clarke and you. I connected the dots. Why didn't you tell me?"
Kaya opened her mouth to make her argument, but nothing came out. She closed her mouth and looked at the floor, ashamed. She was tired of fighting. She never liked confrontation and these past few days that's all she's been doing. It was no surprise she was burned out.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Raven asked so quietly that Kaya thought she had imagined it.
"Why—?"
"I know he told you. Probably asked you if he should even sleep with her." Raven laughed bitterly and shook her head. "Even after all these years, you stay loyal to him. Advise him, protect him, defend him. But, I get it. I'm not—you probably did say something, but don't lie to me when you didn't say anything because you were protecting him."
"I wasn't protecting him. I was protecting you," she yelled out. Raven scoffed, shaking her head in disgust.
"Screw you, Kaya. No you weren't."
"I told him that if he didn't tell you, I was going to tell you. Because I know you would have hated him more if you found out by me. I wanted him to tell you," she said but felt terrible for excusing Finn's action. He should have told her sooner. "Raven..."
"Don't," was all Raven could choke out. "Just don't. Just, please, leave. I need to be alone."
She hesitated in leaving Raven alone. Despite, still not being familiar with their surroundings, Kaya still knew more about the dangers that were on Earth and knew what to do if danger appeared. Raven, on the other hand, didn't know about the Grounders, and how much they seemed to want to kill the delinquents.
Raven wanted to be left alone, and Kaya was going to respect her wishes. But she was not going to leave Raven completely alone. She slid down and waited there. Stepping outside, she noticed the sky had become light, showing that it was no longer night. Kaya hoped that the search for Octavia was going well and that no one got lost or hurt.
"What are you doing?" Kaya asked when she saw Clarke walking up to her. "You probably shouldn't go in there."
"Why? What happened?" Clarke asked. "Is there something wrong with the radio? Dammit."
"No, Clarke. This isn't about the fucking radio," Kaya spat, her frustration getting the best of her. Clarke glared at her, not appreciating her attitude and went inside. Kaya could hear everything, making her guilt grow by the second.
Kaya tried to not hear the argument that was happening inside. She didn't want to hear Raven's heartbroken voice. Minutes later, Clarke stepped out of the tent and cast her a weary look.
"Why didn't you tell her about me and Finn?"
"Because she deserved better. She deserved to find out by Finn. But that didn't happen. She had to find out by herself. And in case you're wondering, yeah, I'm such a shitty person. God, I mean, I could have prevented all of this, but I didn't because I'm worthless," Kaya said bitterly, kicking a root.
Clarke looked at her in alarm. "Kaya, don't say that. She's just mad right now. She'll get over it."
"When? When I'm dead? That's when she'll forgive me? Thanks, another reason to die."
Clarke flinched at her harsh tone. "No. No. Just please don't overreact. What are you doing, Kaya? You're going to make it worse."
Kaya had been picking incessantly at the cut she had on her right hand. She could see blood seeping from the bandage. "Sorry," she muttered and forced herself to drop her hand.
"Do you want me to bandage it?"
"No. I'm good," she said quickly. Kaya didn't mind the pain, it comforted her those seconds where she could only feel one emotion instead of five at a time.
"Are you sure?" Clarke eyed her warily. "It could get infected."
"I said I'm good," Kaya insisted firmly. "You should go. You're probably needed."
"Not really," Clarke said. "Kaya—"
"I'm not going leave her alone," Kaya said, settling in her spot. Clarke nodded in understanding and started walking away. She paused and turned back to look at her.
"Despite what you think, you're a good friend."
Kaya didn't say anything, simply watched Clarke turned around and walk back to the camp. Kaya knew that Clarke words were meant to comfort her but they only seemed to make her more anxious.
She's fine, Kaya told herself. She could hear movement happening from inside the bunker, which meant Raven was trying to occupy herself. She didn't have to worry about her. Raven was strong, nothing would knock her down. Not her deadbeat mother. Not a crash landing. And especially, not two delinquents teenagers who depended on her.
Raven said she wanted to be alone, but she never said to leave the perimeter. She was going to respect her friends wish while making sure she didn't do something stupid.
She rested her head against the tree trunk and closed her eyes, letting her body relax. Kaya could feel her body getting heavy, and after not being able to sleep well for the last few days, she knew that at any second, she was going to fall asleep. She had forgotten how tired she was. Not only physically, but mentally.
Kaya hated how difficult it was to put her mind at ease. Back in the Ark, it had been difficult, only having herself for company, and occasionally the guard that would show up, but she only had to worry about herself. Here, there was always something that put her on edge. She hated that.
Kaya felt horrible and clumsily pulled out the old doll from her jacket pocket, feeling comforted having her nearby. If only she had found a doll sooner, she would have taken out all her anguish on her than her arm. She squeezed the doll so hard, she felt her nails rip the seams of the old cloth. She didn't loosen her grip, only clutched the ragged doll to her chest, in hopes that it would bring her some comfort.
"Being alive is so difficult," she told her new companion. "Was it even worth surviving our crash landing? I mean, if we had died I wouldn't have found Wells body which would have prevented me being scarred for life. I wouldn't have to deal with Finn cheating Raven and me losing my virginity to this guy that I don't even like that much. Or Octavia missing. Why is everything happening?"
Kaya heard a loud noise approaching her and she pushed herself up, her right hand going to her back pocket where she had her flimsy knife. Kaya gripped it tightly
"Kaya. Kaya!" Clarke gasped and stopped in front of her. "I'm so glad that I found you. I need you to come with."
"What? Do you need Raven? No, wait. Did they come back? Did they find Octavia? Is someone hurt?" Kaya rushed towards Clarke, expecting the worst but hoping for the best.
"What? No, It doesn't matter about that. You need to come with me."
"Clarke, what's wrong?"
"Thomas, they found him," Clarke said in a rushed voice. Kaya felt her stomach drop at the reveal. She knew that something terrible must have happened. Nothing good ever happened to them. "He's really hurt, I think he's going to die."
Not even with the appearance of Thomas seemed to bring good news. Kaya had a feeling this was just the beginning of the down spiral. And she was right, everything was going to go from bad to worse.
Not much Kaya and Bellamy this chapter, but I really had fun writing Kaya and Raven interacting. I really want to show their relationship and how much they mean to each other.
So, speaking of exploring relationships: is there anybody that you would wish Kaya would talk to more? I want to hear more about what you guys want to see more about.
Thanks for the reviews, follows and favorites. It means a lot to me and can't wait to hear what you have to say about this chapter. Also, I'm sorry that if you reviewed and I didn't respond.
Disclaimer: Don't own the 100. Just my OC's and anything original.
